Classifying Hotness — Study (Part 2): Who’s Hot?

Having supplied you, our Gentle Readers, with a classification system for determining a hockey player’s hotness potential, let’s examine what it means for the League, team-by-team, as we head into the Playoffs. (Before we get started, though, the same terms and conditions apply from Part I: 1. No Rangers, no exceptions. Sorry Handsome Hank. 2. No Flyers. Oh wait. That’s right. We didn’t need to worry about the Flyers. Heh heh.)

Anaheim Ducks

We keep hearing good things about the looks of this team.

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Classifying Hotness — An In-Depth Study

First Interchangeable Parts brought you a guide to the hot players on the Devils; now, on the eve of the Playoffs, we bring you the definitive (because we’re always right about everything) how-to guide to determining squee-worthiness in players around the rest of the league. Before we get started, though, there are some terms and conditions. We don’t watch any teams in the west, so they don’t count. We can’t watch the NY Rangers without streams of blood pouring from our eye sockets, so even though they have the odd hottie (hellooo “Handsome Hank” Lundqvist!) they don’t count. Flyers orange is such a heinous hue that anyone wearing it, no matter how hot on the outside, becomes rotten from the inside and is likewise disqualified from consideration. But those exceptions aside, we like to keep an open mind to as many hotties as the league can throw our way.

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Laugh Away that Playoff Stress

If you’re anything like us, you’ve lately been finding yourself struck with instant bouts of crippling anxiety which are, at first, inexplicable. You try to think of what could possibly be wrong, and after fruitlessly examining your otherwise pretty awesome life, you realize, “Oh! Right! The Playoffs!” So, courtesy of Hockeygirl over at Double D(ion), we bring you a surefire way to laugh away those holy-crap-we-aren’t-really-going-to-be-playing-the-Rangers-in-the-first-round-are-we blues:

Alanis Morissette singing “My Humps”.

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