Devils vs. Senators - Game 5

If we were the Devils head coach — which we’re not, of course — we would totally be giving the Pamchenko pep talk to our beloved boys tonight. We would kiss each player paternally (maternally?) on the forehead and then say gently, “If you can skate the way I have seen you skate…” then trail off meaningfully. So please, boys, go out there and give it your all. Because we can easily accept a loss in which the Devils are outplayed, but we’re tired of the way things have gone so far this postseason, wherein the Devils have yet to show their “A” game.

We are happy to get tonight’s game on FSNY, but sad to report it’s Steve Cangialosi doing our play-by-play. So while we will get Chico’s coddling analysis of the Devils play, we will also be stuck with Stan Fischler during intermissions. We’re not sure that’s a fair trade-off.

FIRST PERIOD

Stan calls Ray Emery’s traffic accident “zany”. Yeah, reckless driving in a fucking Hummer is so “zany”. Isn’t that cute, the way he endangered the lives of the other people on the road with him?

19:57 Rasser starts on the checking line. We decide that’s weird, but it remains to be seen whether it will be permanent. Chico tries to force his “Razmanian Devil” nickname on us, and you know what? We’re not falling for it.

18:37 Steve tells us skate-around was filled with “an air of mystery” about the Devils lineup, as both Rupp and Clarkson dressed for it; Clarkson is the one who made tonight’s lineup. How mysterious!

17:26 Greene makes a great stick check on some random Senator just as Schnookie declares, “I love Andy Green beyond description.”

15:19 A spunky little offensive rush is sparked after the EGGs force a turnover in the neutral zone, but ultimately it unravels after Gomer’s pass bounces over Paulie’s stick at the blueline. It’s hard to tell at this point what the pace of this game is.

14:25 Chico tells us it’s vital for the Devils to score first; considering that Langenbrunner just got the first shot of the game (and that on essentially a dump-in from the blue line), it’s hard to predict how likely that will be.

14:00 Matvichuk comes up huge smothering Vermette’s pass on a 2-on-1. That’s our Matviclutch!

13:43 How encouraged should we be? Marty stops a shot from Preissing from the goal line.

13:26 Chico tells us that Alfredsson told him that in Sweden you have to have a golf certificate before you can recreationally golf in Sweden, like a sort of license for golf. Steve is as startled by this story as we are — both with how interesting it is, and with the fact that Chico said something interesting at all.

13:01 WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Gomer scores all alone in front on a rebound!!!!!! That was beautiful — a faceoff win after an icing, sweet passing by Patty and Paulie, and Gomer working the front of the net. Furthermore, after 7 minutes of cracking, “The next goal will be huge,” Boomer is validated by Steve calling that “the all-important first goal.”

10:46 Zach makes a fantastic decision going hard to the net after losing the puck, which gets left perfectly for Langer to pick up; with Zach clearing the way in the crease, Langer gets a chance on a wide-open net but can’t capitalize. We love the hustle, though.

9:00 Devils fans, unlike Ottawa fans, seem to understand that you chant the opposing goalie’s name after he gives up a goal. We really don’t understand the Scotiabank Place proclivity for chanting before goals. Ah well. To each his own.

7:53 Matvichuk is crazy alert, breaking up two consecutive Ottawa shot attempts deep in the Devils zone. It’s nice to see the Devils have shown up to play. They look better in this period than they have in all the previous games combined.

7:07 Chico says, “Patrik Elias has been dragging around a big reptile around his leg”; that is certainly a more creative way to complain that he missed on a yawning, wide-open net than we would have come up with. (Meanwhile Pookie starts singing, “He has the blood of reptile…” Schnookie didn’t need to be associating that song with Patty. Or vice-versa.)

6:23 Matvichuk gets hit in the corner and ends up looking like a figure on the Altar of Pergamon.

5:59 Heatley interferes with Raffie; so what can the Devils do with a power play when they’re actually skating with a purpose?

4:47 So far it looks like the Devils are no longer skating with a purpose.

3:59 Uh, so yeah. About that “skating with a purpose”… That power play really took the wind out of the Devils’ sails.

2:42 The one benefit of Marty giving up so many shots from behind or on the goal line is that the Spezza line, on an extended shift in their offensive zone, take a zillion bad-angle shots. Assuming Marty’s on his game, one has to think the Devs will take that all night.

0:00 Well. That was a better period. It’s almost as if they did get the Pamchenko pep talk. And it worked! Now we’re just waiting for one of the Devils to announce to his teammates, “I’m in the mood to kick a little ass.”

At the conclusion of a just-off-the-ice interview Gomer wishes Stan a “happy Cinco de Mayo”. Stan is flummoxed, and actually says, “I have no idea what he just said to me.”

FIRST INTERMISSION

Stan and Dano spend some time praising the Devils for “using their bodies” more. It deserves note that Rasser skating on the checking line has added a physical element those guys have been lacking all series. Huh. From our laptop to Stan and Dano’s ears — no sooner do we type those words than they start singing Rasser’s praises.

SECOND PERIOD

Steve lets all of FSN’s viewers know that the cryptic phrase Gomer used during his interview was to wish us all a happy Cinco de Mayo. Thanks, Steve. We were wondering. (Chico also takes this moment to tell us Marty is celebrating his 35th birthday tomorrow. 35th??? When did that happen? We feel so old.)

19:40 PandoNation is saddened that he is unable to capitalize on a nice setup by Sarge after the ostensibly checking line forces a turnover at the Senators blue line. Madden has not returned to the bench, but no reason is given.

18:40 Madden is back on the bench.

17:26 Hm. It seems Madden came back just in time to get pinned deep in the zone by the Spezzas. But the Sens don’t manage to score.

16:29 It’s zoology night with Chico — he describes a save by Marty by saying he is “just waiting like a panther.” Pookie: “I hope he means ‘panther’ with a lower-case ‘P’.”

14:41 After all kinds of scrambling defensively in the zone by the fourth line, Vermette deflects a shot from a bad angle by Preissing past Marty. We sigh heavily in response. There is a review of the goal, but it is such a foregone conclusion the referee barely raises his arm as he points at center ice after hanging up the Red Phone.

12:02 Gomer definitely brought his skating legs tonight. Fantastic rush up the ice after being fed a handpass in the zone by Matvichuk, but Emery is able to best Gio’s shot.

11:16 Chico states the obvious, after a period spent pretty much exclusively in the Devils zone, that the Devils need to put together some forward momentum for themselves.

9:03 Paulie strips the puck like a madman from a Senator behind the net on a delayed penalty after Pando (Pando????) ran into Emery. For all that PaulieNation appreciates the strong defensive play, and for all that PandoNation appreciates the running Emery, this really doesn’t seem like the best way to be putting together that aforementioned forward momentum. (On the replay of the penalty, Chico tries to tell us Pando was torqued into Emery against his will. Boomer suggests, “That one wasn’t really his fault…” and Pookie finishes, “He just doesn’t know how to skate.”)

7:48 After the puck gets stuck in the referee’s skates as Lukowich tries to control, the Senators retrieve it and Spezza scores on a beautiful wrist shot from the faceoff dot. PandoNation can only assume Pando is suitably contrite and vows to never take another penalty again.

7:26 Perhaps to make Pando feel better about himself, Zach takes a penalty that Pookie decides would have been “a major for hooking” based on the marginal criteria used in the Rangers-Sabres overtime last night. On the replay Chico tries to tell us Vermette should have also been called for holding Zach’s stick. We think the point is moot. Zach deserved the penalty.

7:11 A shot of the bench shows the Devils looking pretty glum. Has the magic of the Pamchenko forehead kisses from Lou worn off already?

5:26 The PK unit apparently likes Zach more than they like Pando, as the Senators fail to score on that power play.

4:36 After Chico tells us someone needs to spark the Devils now if they want to salvage something from this period, Patty leaps up and takes what is apparently his 5th shot of the game. Chico says, “Say what you want about Elias…” Actually, Chico, for once we might actually refrain.

2:32 Daniel Alfredsson is a pretty decent hockey player. He beats Whitey and Marty walking into the zone to, well, pretty much put this game out of reach.

1:07 Chico tells us the Devils need, among other things, for the their defensemen to get more involved in the offense in the third period in order to get back in this. Get more involved in the offense than they already have been? But, but… that seems impossible!

0:00 Travis is replaced by Madden for the last icing defensive zone draw of the period. Pookie: “Well, I know what they’re going to talk about in Travis’s exit interview this year.”

Stan interviews Preissing going into the interview, and we agree Preissing’s accent and speech patterns make him sound like the guests from academia that appear on The Colbert Show.

SECOND INTERMISSION

Oh burn! Dano says of that period that the Devils not only lacked the will to win, but they put up no resistance to the Senators attack. After being all sunshine and lollipops throughout the four previous games in this series, Dano seems to finally be confronting reality. (We don’t really agree with Stan and Dano’s assessment that the Devils need to be hitting more; this hasn’t been a hitting team all year. In fact, it’s been ages since they last seemed inclined to hit much. Hits take you out of position, and we all know how the Devils feel about that. [We are inclined to agree with the Devils point of view on this topic, too, in case you were wondering, Gentle Reader.])

If the Devils had any kind of heart at all they’d come out flying in the next period just for Boomer — on top of her team being 20 minutes from the off-season, she’s currently choking on a cupcake and has what feels like a glass shard in her eye. We’re all paying the price here in the postseason.

THIRD PERIOD

Chico tries to tell us the Devils have been “heroic” all season and are capable of overcoming a 2-goal deficit. The problem facing the Devils, he says, is that they’re facing an actual good team in the Senators, as opposed to, say, the Flyers (the team that most prominently comes to mind thinking of great Devs comebacks this year). Boomer suggests, “Well, if we could just be playing someone else it would be fine!”

17:35 We are informed Neil has injured himself after hitting Whitey. We fail to muster much sympathy for him.

15:34 We debate the pros and cons of which period we prefer to have the Devils show up for if they’re only going to skate 20 minutes in a game. We decide we’re much happier if they show up for the first and suck for the remaining two periods rather than the standard Devils approach of sucking until the last frame when it’s too late.

14:00 Phillips gets called for boarding and Steve promises us a “huge power play”. Has this been discussed with the guys who will actually be skating the power play?

13:09 Fisher just barely misses in alone shorthanded after Patty loses the puck at the point. Pookie sighs, “I just really have nothing to say now.”

12:00 We decide now’s the time to look for the silver lining: the Senators didn’t score on that Devils PP.

9:57 We have yet to really familiarize ourselves with the Senators roster. As Steve calls Saprykin’s name, Pookie says, “Every time they mention a player who isn’t Heatley, Spezza or Alfredsson it’s like when you find a clue in a crossword puzzle you’ve been working on for an hour and never noticed was there before. Like, when did that get in here?”

7:57 Lou is going hard to the EGG line, but it’s changing the look of this game very little.

7:19 We are not buying the “Razmanian Devil” nickname Chico is working, nor are we buying his chirpy proclamation, “The Devils are still in this!”

5:00 There is some wagering at stately IPB Manor whether there will be a “Parise Special” tonight, that meaningless goal scored with less than 30 seconds left on the clock.

2:37 Boomer grumbles after Pando takes what she thinks is too long a shift, “What, is Pando going to skate the entire end of this game?” and Pookie snarks, “It’s so the fans there can salute their Selke finalist.” To that, Schnookie proudly declares, “Hey, I would be standing for him.”

0:51 Ahhh… one last “I suck” eyeroll from our captain, this time with Marty pulled for the extra attacker. Thanks, Patty. We’ll take that memory with us into the offseason.

Chico says, “If this had been a one-period game, the Devils would have won.” Schnookie counters, “If the playoffs had started in February the Devils would have won the Cup.”

0:39 Boomer wins the bet — Gomez scores a Parise Special on some wonderful hustle on a loose puck in front.

0:00 The better team won this series; we didn’t like the effort the Devils put forth in this or the first round, but the fact remains that on paper and on the ice they weren’t good enough to win.

Despite our disappointment with the way this year ended, we’re walking away from the 2006-2007 Devils season with a warm glow in our hearts. Believe it or not, we really, really liked this team; time after time all season they showed us remarkable heart, spunk, fire, even — dare we say it? — charm. Based on the good things we saw from the newest generation of Devils, we’re more excited for what’s to come than we are disappointed about what just happened. So as our very own boys in rouge, blanc et noir ride off into that golf course sunset, we say, “How many more days until the 2007-2008 season starts?”

And don’t worry, Gentle Reader: the Devils might be done, but we’re not. IPB will be with you to the bitter end of the playoffs, documenting with all our tact and sweetness every game we can!