Conference Final Predictions: IPB’s Tale of the Tape (Part 1)

The Conference Finals are set: The Ottawa Senators and the Buffalo Sabres in the East, and the Anaheim Ducks and the Detroit Red Wings in the West. You’ve probably read the predictions and projections published by the so-called “experts”, but those experts have got nothing on us; the following is our highly scientific Tale of the Tape, a system of analysis so reliable you can probably take our predictions to the bank. One caveat: We are actively cheering for the Sabres to win it all and cannot approach this objectively. But you, Gentle Readers, aren’t coming to us for objective analysis, are you? Didn’t think so. We watched almost every Sabres game this past season (any team that can topple the bronze statue of Bobby Clarke and put the final nail in that evil regime will win our hearts) and are very well acquainted with the strengths and weaknesses of the Slugs. We got to know Ottawa perhaps too well in that last series, but still probably can’t name more than 5 players on the team (we were too focused on trying to will Rafalski to stop icing the stupid puck). As for Anaheim, we watched a handful of games in the first two rounds, but really only enough to determine we don’t hate them as much as some other teams. Some other teams like the Detroit Red Wings. Whom we hate. With the passion of a thousand suns. But no more excuses! Let’s go to the tape, or rather, the first of our two-part Tale of the Tape series!

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