IPB Publishing, Inc.

A completely unexpected joy of blogging for us has been seeing the search terms people use to find IPB. Inspired by some recent discussion that we should be writing hockey-themed genre novels, we bring you, Gentle Reader, a catalog of IPB Publishing’s upcoming titles, as searched by, well… you. Seriously. Every one of these titles is an actual search term that hit IPB.

Mascot On Fire
After watching his hero, J.S. Giguere, being humiliated in Game 7 in 2003 by being forced to accept the Conn Smythe as a booby prize, the Anaheim Ducks mascot Wild Wing snaps. With his psyche bruised by a constant mental loop of Giguere blubbering through his tear-soaked beard, Wing quits his job, leaves his wife, and disappears into the lawless frontier of the Sonoran Desert in Mexico. There he decides to lead a one-mascot murderous rampage against a group of native sustenance farmers, and his reign of terror almost wipes out the entire society of peaceful agrarians. Finally one young man steps up to lead the community to battle against the rapacious Wild Wing, and they turn to the only soldier of fortune willing to provide help in this godforsaken, hardscrabble wilderness: Youppi! Because the only way for these innocent and hard-working farmers to save themselves and their way of life from this criminally deranged plush creature is to fight fire with fire… Mascot On Fire, that is.

Dumb Octopus
This children’s book teaches young readers (age 4-6) valuable lessons about the risks of diving when you’re the last line of defense for the Detroit Red Wings. With its colorful watercolor illustrations and florid Czech prose, this is sure to be a favorite addition to every child’s personal library.

“Still The Brat” Jamie
In this madcap chick lit beach-read, Jamie Langenbrunner accepts a bet that he can drive away even the most dogged of puckbunnies with his brattish behavoir. Little does he know, his teammates have also offered Lou Lammoriello’s mousey secretary Hester Littleton a large sum of money — enough for her to quit the hockey business and start her own crocheting business — to pretend to be a groupie undetered by even the most loutish of moves by Langerbrunner. As the bet is played out, the ante is raised by mutual attraction, and the stakes become true love. When the two must admit to their backhanded ways, Hester must decide if, even though he’s still the brat, is Jamie her knight in shining armor?

Red Forehead Baby
The setting is the mysterious and exotic Lousiana bayou, a romantic world steeped in creole traditions — and voodoo superstitions. FBI agent Travis Zajac, only recently promoted from his mundane paper pushing as a Washington DC desk jockey, is sent here on his first assignment to investigate an illegal puck-smuggling ring. Agent Zajac finds that his strict adherence to his boss’s rules (no facial hair, business formal dress code and too-tight helmet) makes things difficult for him in this swampy, sultry world, and when his investigation forces him to align with a sexy stranger who professes to be a voodoo priestess, he has to choose how far he’ll let go to stop a criminal mastermind powerful enough to destroy the entire NHL.

Watching Is A Part Of Good Play
Young Sidney Crosby, fresh from the schoolroom, is thrilled to take a job as the governess for the four children of the local gentry, Lord Lemieux. But as soon as he takes on his post at imposing Penguin Manor, he begins to suspect that all is not as it seems. And as hard as he tries to keep his head down and do his very best just as a caretaker to the four adorable moppets in his charge, sassy Sid can’t help but stumble across curious indications that Lord Lemieux might be involved in nefarious business dealings. After initially being treated with distrust by the rest of the staff, he eventually wins over his colleagues on the Penguin Manor payroll with his unflappable demeanor and relentless optimism, and soon he, the butler, the housekeeper and the cook team up to investigate what might be a labyrinthine scheme to sell the local team… that goes all the way to very heights of government! Can a ragtag team of household staff get to the root of things in time to stop this dastardly plan?

What Did Interchangeable Parts Lead To
In this four-volume companion to the PBS seires, popular British historian Simon Schama traces the events leading up to the founding of the ground-breaking hockey blog “Interchangeable Parts” and explores the impact of the writings of Pookie and Schnookie on the sports industry. Much attention is given to the formation of CrunchyNation, the popularity of electric oboes and banning of stupid cars from NHL player’s driveways. Contains full color illustrations of key moments in IPB history, diagrams of the process of writing a game diary, as well as maps of IPB Manor.

New Jersey Style Ice Cream
A guide to all the many, many fine ice cream shops in New Jersey. And seriously, Jersey has some fantastic ice cream. You should all check it out at some point, specifically Thomas Sweet in Princeton.

Leafs Can’t Play Hockey
Any true hockey fan will appreciate this inspirational coffee-table book of collected hockey truisms that is gorgeously illustrated with historical photographs and original drawings.

Red Devils vs Banditos
“Choose Your Own Adventure” is back with “Red Devils vs. Banditos”! You, reader, get to make all the decisions for the plot twists in this exciting tale of the epic battle between the forces of good, the Red Devils, and the soulless, free-agency-assembled forces of evil, the Orange Army from Philadelphia.

Ducks Fuck The Wings
See all your favorite WCF moments drawn in exquisite detail by all-star graphic artists like Art Speilman, Frank Miller and Herge, but parents and teachers beware: this graphic novel is for adults only!

Senators Sabres Fight Funny Arms Around
The first is a new manga series centers around a bumbling school boy, Derek Roy, who finds he has a special power that allows him to dive through solid surfaces. In trying out his superpower, he mistakenly finds himself diving headfirst into a heap of trouble as he stumbles into Ray Emery’s underground lair, deep beneath the Parliment building in Ottawa. Hiding behind a giant white Hummer, Roy hears Emery discussing a plot to replace all the cars in Canada with electric orange rental-Lamborghinis. Roy must then recruit his fellow school rejects to foil Emery’s plot.

What Is The Devils Post Made From?
Each summer for the past 40 years has seen a new batch of youngsters arrive at Camp Secaucus for 8 fun-filled weeks of hiking, canoing and singing around campfires. But there is a legend at Camp Secaucus that continues to terrify the kids, even after four decades: the legend of The Devils Post. It is said that on moonless nights the tallest tree in the Pine Barrens serves as a lightning rod attracting spirits of Satanic Rangers greats from the past. When 10-year-old Zach Parise hears the tale from the older campers on his first night in the woods, he decides to launch a quest to find The Devils Post and cut it down. With fellow campers Scott Gomez, Patrik Elias and Brian Gionta, he leads the way on a fantastic adventure through a mystical world of spirits and ghouls that leads all the way to a climactic showdown with a spectral Jaromir Jagr and his terrifying trick shoulder.

Parts 4 Ducks
The catalog for the recent art installation celebrating the art of signs held up at hockey games, including such classics as “CBC Canadian Broadcasting Company”, “Devil’s Fan Sucks” and “Pando Is the Straw That Stirs the Drink”.

Hot – Love Is Color Brind
The classic tale of “Beauty and the Beast” gets a modern-day treatment in this fun, sexy romance novel. In this retelling, the “beauty” is free-spirited ice girl Bella, who loves nothing more than teaming up with Stormy the Hog to shoot T-shirts from an air cannon into crowds of happy Hurricanes fans. And the “beast” is none other than Carolina’s captain, Rod Brind’Amour. Bella very nearly loses her job after a training accident involving the air cannon, a too-tightly-folded t-shirt, and an obsessively weight-lifting Brind’Amour, but the surly captain takes pity on the lovely lass and lets her keep her position on the ice girls squad as long as she agrees to spot for him in the weight room. Before long an unlikely connection develops between them, and as fans of the fairy tale know only too well, it is true love that releases the handsome man from beneath the hideous exterior of The Beast.

Penguins Taking A Stroll + Score
Don’t just watch this DVD of this season’s biggest Broadway hit musical “Penguins Taking a Stroll”, follow along with the included score! The rock musical composed by Alanis Morrisette and the Tragically Hip depicts the adventures of a young group of hockey players overacheiving their way through the regular season only to find themselves in over their heads in their first trip to the Playoffs. Sing along with future classics of the musical genre like “Spear to My Heart”, “Flowers Are Pretty But Don’t Stop Pucks” and “I’m Just A Sod-Farmer, Not A Rookie of the Year”.

We Hate Red Hair
Erstwhile defenseman Mike Commodore is shunting from team to team in this madcap Wodehousian comedy. Again and again, just when he thinks he has made the cut in training camp he is sent back to juniors with a terse, “Get lost! We hate red hair!” Unable to take further rejection, Commodore retires from hockey to the country to raise prized hogs. No longer needing to conform to team dress codes, he lets himself go, growing his bright red hair into a fright wig. Soon word of his resplendent coif spreads across the country and into the city. Looking for a way to attract more fans to his floundering arena, Fezziwig “Stinker” Plunderfluff hires the pig farmer with doubtful skating skills to man the blueline for his blundering team. Through a series of comical mishaps, Commodore becomes a superstar, wins the coveted silver cheesewheel and woos the young, attractive daughter of Stinker Plunderfluff.

Reasons Why Dogs Grumble
A hot summer crime wave is made even worse in the urban jungle of Washington DC when the so-called “Dog Killer” starts terrorizing the Capitals’ blogging community. Hard-drinking, hard-living veteran detective Alex Ovechkin gets the case, and as his personal life is spiraling out of control, with four ex-wives fighting over his paltry police salary and a girlfriend issuing ultimatums to become the fifth Mrs. Ovechkin, he finds a surprising peace of mind in the hunt. The 15th installment of the best-selling Detective Ovie series sees our hardboiled but quick-witted hero matching minds with a villain whose identity is so shocking it may just destroy Ovie and everything he believes in. Is the killer really Ovie’s nominal rival, Pittsburgh Chief Of Police Sidney Crosby, exacting revenge against a brutal blogosphere? Or is it FBI Director Gary Bettman, trying to stamp out a vibrant dissident underground press? And will Ovie be able to find out in time the reasons why dogs grumble?

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