-
Nieder drove us nuts;
Season after season his
head was in the clouds.
The Termi-Neider
saved our bacon many times.
Still, we need Xanax.
Cross-check to the head
And jumping Bryan Berard.
Ah! Neider’s psycho.
The beard is now gray –
He left us to play with Rob –
But he’s still the best.
Powerful skating
Effortless gaing the zone
Stealing the puck — yoink!
We are sharing with you, Gentle Reader, the beautiful results of an exercise we undertook: writing haiku about Scott Niedermayer. And yeah, they suck, because Nieder is really not the kind of player who spurs fans to writing poetry. But on the eve of his shot at winning a fourth Stanley Cup, we think it’s time to examine our feelings for our pseudo ex-captain.
The Finals have spurred a fountain of love for Neider, but as Devils fans, we’ve always had a… special relationship with Scott. Since going to Anaheim, Scott’s been Mr. Norris, playing consistently solidly and spectacularly, but that didn’t always used to be the case. For a player as great as he is, there was a long learning process, and Devils fans had to suffer through ALL of it. You could let it go the first few years. Aw, isn’t that cute that he’s not living up to potential! He’ll put all the pieces together, don’t worry; d-men always mature slower. But the years wore on, and the not-living-up-to-potential never seemed to go away. “But… but… but,” you’re saying, “Boyfriend won 3 Cups and an Olympic gold medal during those years!” Yeah, but boyfriend also drove us all completely bonkers. There was a reason you never saw many #27 sweaters in the Swamp (and having traveled to a lot of arenas we can vouch for the fact that you see a much broader spectrum of player’s sweaters in Jersey than you do anywhere else) and it wasn’t the ugly, contentious contract dispute. It was the fact that he never, not even after putting all the pieces together, became what we expected him to be. We’d been told that he’d be the next Larry Robinson, but that’s not what he is, is it? No, turns out it was different than that — He’s not the next anyone, he’s the first Scott Neidermayer. His entire career has been like one of his signature plays: coughing up the puck with an ill-advised pinch, then looking like he never broke a sweat, making the most subtle recovery, sparking a rush the other way culminating in a short-handed goal on a 5-3. When did his career shift from being, metaphorically speaking, a mistake to being an incredible defensive play? We’re not sure, but whenever it was, we were there, banging our heads against the wall and pleading with Neider to stay in his freakin’ zone, yet trying in vain to think of a single other defenseman we’d trade him for. And now he’s on the verge of winning the Conn Smythe he probably deserved in 2003.
Now, we were pretty pissy with Nieder for leaving the Devils after the lockout for less money to play with, of all the stupid teams, the Ducks. But we have grudgingly come to admit that of all the reasons players give for leaving their teams during free agency, Nieder’s reason is the only one that speaks directly to us. We are sisters and best friends, and every time we get to a fork in that crazy old road of life, we always opt for the path that will keep us together. So we really can’t hold it against Nieder that he made exactly the same decision we would have in his place. In fact, we have so made peace with it that we shall henceforth believe, in our hearts of hearts, that if the Ducks manage to pull this one off, it’s something of a shout-out to all us siblings/best friends in the world.
Elsewhere in the amusement parks that are our brains:
1. So, fine, there’s no suspension for Afredsson. Can we institute a new rule that in situations like this, Alfie can get the penalties he should have gotten last game applied at the 20 minute mark of period 1 of the next game?
2. Instead of bringing Don Cherry on during intermission, we’d much rather see some classic Satellite Hotstove where Ron, Duhatchek and JD all take turns smacking Al Strachan down. That’s where HNIC excels, not in giving airtime to a racist xenophobic hockey-Neanderthal. In fact, we suggest staging a competition pitting Al Strachan and Al Morganti in a ridiculous, laughable rumor-off. NBC could call it Al. vs. Al: Stooping to Scoop.
Strachan: Well, Al, I heard the Leafs were talking about trading Mats Sundin to Montreal for an autographed glossy of Jean Beliveau and a ten-pound catfish.
Morganti: Al, I just don’t see that happening. Meanwhile, I hear Philly’s trading for Patrick Roy. Oh, and Al, did you know the moon is made of green cheese? You heard it here first.
3. We haven’t been paying extraordinarily close attention, but is Bryan Murray taking a lot of heat for his gross mismanagement of his top line in this series? Just wondering.
4. How much longer before the Devils start playing again?
As someone who adores all three of her brothers, the whole “I’ll take less money to play with my bro” aspect of the Scott Niedermayer story is one of my favorite things too. In addition to that though, I love watching the guy skate and I love the way he never, ever looks panicked – even when he’s screwed up a bit – unlike some of Buffalo’s defensemen who often look like they’d rather be in the stands against a team that puts on a lot of pressure. (Suck it, Alfie.)
Man, I hope I still like you guys when you’re Devil’s fans again. Hopefully the Staffy/Crunchy love will stick long enough that I can get some Sabres material out of you too.
And now he’s on the verge of winning the Conn Smythe he probably deserved in 2003.
I’ll let the 2003 reference slide, but I’m still holding out hope for Sammy this year!
Besides, momma Niedermayer would probably make Scott cut the Conn Smythe in half and share it with Rob.
Not only will you like us when we’re writing about the Devils — you’ll like the Devils, too, dammit!
Schnookie’s Crunchy obsession doesn’t seem like it’s going away, and as long as Staffy is best bud’s with Zach Parise’s brother (it, uh, doesn’t take much for me to like a player), I’ll still want him to succeed.
Ladies, I lived in Philly for almost four years (96-2000), and I am pretty sure that thanks to you, I am about to start cheering for the Devils (after the Sabres of course). How about that?
I love Neider haikus!
Cheering for the Devils is what seperates us from the animals.
I was in a meeting at work this morning and ended up involved in a discussion about Philly’s merits as a city. One person said, “Philadelphia is a very cultured city.” I snorted, “Yeah, I can tell you’re not a sports fan!”
Not only will you like us when we’re writing about the Devils — you’ll like the Devils, too, dammit!
Ohh, my hockey allegiances are in a tizzy. It should be easier to embrace the Sabres, Penguins, and whatever other EC teams IPB, in its infinite wisdom, decides to adopt. But the Devils… (nervous wringing of hands) Well, one more Ducks win this season would make the memory of 2003 sting a lot less. I think I could rationalize it.
I’m still holding out hope for Sammy this year!
Earl, I’m with you on this one! And I owe my Sammy love to you and BoC. (Sorry about the earlier comment–it was supposed to be more a celebration of IPB than anything else.)
Nieder should get the Conn Smythe this year to make up for not getting it in 2003. It’ll be like giving Russell Crowe (aka His Russellness) the Oscar for “Gladiator” when he should have gotten it for “The Insider”. And people, if there’s one lesson Devils fans can give about Nieder, it’s do not take him for granted, no matter how much you love Pahlsson (or, in our case, Pando).
Oh, and Grace, let go and let Devils. Of course, there is nothing on Earth that could get us to love the Avalanche, so we’ll let you off the hook if you never warm up to our boys.
Conn Smythe will go to one of these three players: Giguere… SNeidermayer… Pahlsson…
I’d love to see (as would Earl) love to see Pahlsson get it since he’s really come out during these playofffs. Ok, he’s been good for how long now? But this was really the year that he shined… and worthy of the Selke in a couple of weeks too…
But I’m thinking the Smythe is going to Giguere for the second time in his playoff career… thus making him too expensive for Anaheim to retain after 1 July… *cry*
Don’t do it Jiggy… stay with the team that loves you… don’t pull a Kariya…
I’m writing a Smythe post now, but here’s a quick preview (and looking at it, it’s not that quick):
If we’re not giving the Smythe to Pronger (another guy who got robbed of one last year, IMO) because the Ducks won 2 games without him, then we should also not give it to J.S., as the Ducks won 3 games while he was benched. Besides, J.S. is still more than 250 saves short of his 2003 run.
As for Scott, well, you can say he’s played a lot of minutes, but overall these playoffs he’s been on the ice for 22 goals-for and 25-goals-against. He’s seen more PP goals go in against him than any other Duck.
Pahlsson has been playing murderer’s minutes, and leads the league in shorthanded ice time, hits, and faceoff wins. His 76 hits are 40 more than the next Duck, and his 235 faceoff wins are 100 more than the next Duck. He has forced opposition coaches to separate Gaborik-from-Demitra, Sedin-from-Sedin, Zetterberg-from-Datsyuk, and Alfredsson-from-Heatley, and he is 2nd on the team in even-strength scoring. Plus he plays with Travis Moen and Rob Niedermayer, two guys nobody in the league would be envious about playing with (well, going into the year).
For a team that’s won 12 one-goal games, you gotta look at the defensive side of the puck for the difference-maker MVP, and to my eye, it’s Pahlsson. Despite getting the worst minutes possible, Sammy’s been on the ice for 16 goals-for and 15 goals-against. When you’re getting positives out of those dirty minutes, that’s Smythe-worthy in my book.
…..oh we have returned to serious hockey talk……..hmmmm….
….as long as Pronger doesn’t get the Smythe (which he shouldn’t since they won BOTH the games he was benched for)…..I am happy.
by the way….got invited over for game 5 to Nat’s teammates house…..first words out of my mouth…..”you have wireless right, for my laptop?”
But I’m thinking the Smythe is going to Giguere for the second time in his playoff career… thus making him too expensive for Anaheim to retain after 1 July… *cry*
Niekon, pass me the tissues. Yesterday while at work, my mind wandered to the possibility of seeing Giguere play against the Ducks next season, and I actually groaned out loud. Such was my anguish.
oh we have returned to serious hockey talk…
Consider it a tribute to Scotty. It’s what he would have wanted. ; ) (But I doubt it will last for long!)
But we have grudgingly come to admit that of all the reasons players give for leaving their teams during free agency, Nieder’s reason is the only one that speaks directly to us.
I love this reason. You really can’t blame the guy for wanting to play with his brother. Granted, although I love my sister dearly, if I had to play on a team with my sister (or live with my sister, really) things would probably not be so pretty. But going to play on a team with your sibling still does make a lot of sense to me.
Oh, and Grace, let go and let Devils. Of course, there is nothing on Earth that could get us to love the Avalanche, so we’ll let you off the hook if you never warm up to our boys.
Thanks, Pookie. It’s nice to know I’ll still be welcome during the regular season.
Good night, all! See you tomorrow!
Not only will you like us when we’re writing about the Devils — you’ll like the Devils, too, dammit!
Well fine…..I WILL. Sort of, unless they are playing the Penguins.
Niekon, pass me the tissues
let me check our warehouse… I think we have plenty of Kleenex somewhere… I think Kimberley-clarke is still one of our clients. And while I’m at it I’ll snag some chips from the Frito-Lay section of the warehouse… ^_~
…..oh we have returned to serious hockey talk……..hmmmm….
our bad… shall we go back to cat girls…
our bad… shall we go back to cat girls…
oh bite me Niekon…..
now that I have been mean to you Niekon…do you have a beer section of that warehouse????
Niekon, you are cruel. So, so cruel.
You girls won’t have any sort of trouble getting me to like the Devils because I already do. You couldn’t get me to fangirl another team the way I fangirl the Devils if you paid me. That said, the Penguins are really sort of cute and I enjoy watching them play, but not in a MYAYDEVILS sort of way.
As for Scott, yeah, he really is unique. And my sister is my best friend and superstar d-woman, so I’m totally with the sibling love.
While I do have a soft spot for Cherry (I can’t help it, I grew up with him, even if he does have a tendancy to be a giant ass sometimes), I think the Satellite Hotstove idea would be great….but NBC is going for a more shock and awe approach to the Cup this year, and so, hence, Cherry (and Brett Hull, my poor, poor ears).
On a side note, I have to agree with a few other comments above: you two make me forget you’re Devils’ fans, and that’s saying something. I had to stop and think why you were talking about Neidermayer with affection when he was at one point, gasp!, a Devil….and then remembered, duh, you’re Devils fans :)
*yawn* *eye rubbing*
Oh… people were being mean to me while I slept? Damn…
do you have a beer section of that warehouse????
I wish… a few months ago I had Red Bull in as we were doing an overlabel thing for them and the damn cans kept disappearing to the point that we had to move them all into our security area. Was less than thrilled since I had to report this stuff as “rejects” and prayed that Red Bull never found out… all the while, threatening to show up at random times during the night shift with a hockey stick in-hand to whack whomever might be stealing my client’s product.
Thought I do have one thing that gets the love from the females… one of my clients has us packaging their dipping chocolates for those huge fountains. 2lb bags of the stuff… I am the chocolate king it seems ^_^
Since we’re on the topic of us being Devils fans, all this talk of Pahlsson for Selke must cease! That’s Pando’s Selke, darn it! Hand off! There will be riots in PandoNation if someone else wins it! Riots!
Seriously, because I’ve always assumed Pahlsson is the Duck’s Pando, I cannot fathom him winning the Conn Smythe. I have to keep reminding myself that, unlike Pandolfo, Pahlsson can actually put the puck in the back of the net.
Earl, I’ll defer to you on the statistical arguments supporting Conn Smythe candidates — I just haven’t paid close enough attention to the individual players (I keep getting hung up on Getzi’s teeth…). I certainly wouldn’t be upset if Pahlsson won it, but my vote would still go with Nieder. Some years there’s a statistically obvious winner (Leetch in ’94, Sakic in ’96), and some years the trophy is awarded for more than just “numbers” contributions (Stevens in ’00). I think the Ducks (assuming — and this is a big assumption, Hockey Gods! I know that! — they pull this out) have just had one of those postseasons where there isn’t one guy who’s head and shoulders above the rest. Well, except for Pronger in the first two rounds, but he’s… well, taken himself out of the running, I should think. Furthermore, they’ve played at times like a carnival show, desperately trying to take themselves out it with a kind of institutionalized craziness that comes from the top of the organization. But through it all, Nieder is just his steady, solid self, playing that game of his that’s so subtle it’s hard to really even notice it. And while the other big guy on the blue line is spending all his time ping-ponging from getting heaped with praise to turning his lack of discipline into a media sideshow, the Ducks captain just keeps humming along, holding the team together as much as it needs to be, and playing every shift with the quiet, cool heart of a champion. What Nieder does simply transcends numbers.
Of course, based on last year’s vote, there’s every likelihood the voters will make a lazy, baseless choice, because who can be bothered to actually look at subtle contributions when you can just vote for a goalie? The smart money’s on Emery, then.
I don’t know why I came into the office this morning. Between Game 5 this evening, Bill Clinton in the afternoon, and IPB in the morning, I’m going to accomplish nothing today.
Grace, I’m always happy to contribute to making you every bit as unproductive as I am!
Oh yeah, and Pookie’s right: hands off Pando’s Selke, PahlssonNation!
Pando for the win! There, that’s how I feel about it.
Grace, what is Bill Clinton doing these days then? I’m always sort of mystified what happens to old US presidents.
the Ducks captain just keeps humming along
The visual of Scott humming is killing me. I wish I’d waited a little longer before ordering those moo cards. O well, I bet tonight will give me another 100s worth.
Grace, what is Bill Clinton doing these days then? I’m always sort of mystified what happens to old US presidents.
I’m not exactly sure what he’s up to, either. These days, I imagine it’s more or less the Hilary Show. But this afternoon he’s speaking at Harvard’s Class Day Exercises. (Not Commencement, mind you–they got Bill Gates to speak tomorrow.) It sounds like 7th period gym, but Class Day Exercises take place on the day before Commencement, so that the senior class gets a chance to reflect on all of its many grand accomplishments, past, present, and future. Or something like that.
I work as a cog in the behemoth that is the University Administration, so I scored a couple of tickets to go hear whatever sage advice Bill might have to offer. I have an extra ticket, so if there if there are any interested persons who can be in Cambridge, MA by 1:45pm, let me know. ; )
Mags, glad you liked the “humming” thing — that was my Crunchy-style play on words. Both because, well, he does hum along like a well-tuned machine, but also because just about the first thing we noticed about the Devils way back as wee Devil bairns was that Nieder totally looks on the ice as if he’s humming like a llama. Just this contented, slightly absent, animal-esque hum.
Grace, I bet it’s well worth hearing Clinton speak — I’m jealous!
Nieder totally looks on the ice as if he’s humming like a llama. Just this contented, slightly absent, animal-esque hum.
Schnookie, that was fabulous. I almost snorted my DD iced coffee out my nose. But you’re dead on–I can just hear the low, tuneless hum.
Morning folks……..I am going to have to start getting on on East Coast time to chat with you all!
I thought about the Smythe all night long……I gotta say honestly if the don’t give to it Baby Crunchy (let the fan’s rejoice) then it should be firmly in SNeids hands……
Thought I do have one thing that gets the love from the females… one of my clients has us packaging their dipping chocolates for those huge fountains. 2lb bags of the stuff… I am the chocolate king it seems.
Thanks Neikon….but honestly….I am not a chocolate person *gasp* so I will patiently wait for you to have a beer or whiskey client.
Neids is a rock. I swear he is like one of those artic ground squirrels that when hibernating can pretty much slow down their heart until it stops until spring (not kidding folks). He just goes into Ultra-calm mode. That or he has some serious valium that he needs to share with the much loved (ha) commentators.
by the way….I have been censored (I think) by your little machine Schnookie and Pookie….
Sorry, A-Oil, our spam filter is out of control!
I swear he is like one of those artic ground squirrels that when hibernating can pretty much slow down their heart until it stops until spring
First a humming llama. Now an arctic ground squirrel. I say we have an IPB Challenge today to see how many animals we can really appropriately compare Nieder to. Not, like, randomly all “Hey, he’s like a manatee!”, and “No, no, it’s more like he’s like a tapir!”, and whatnot. Actual metaphors. We can probably really go places with this…
Oh and if you all haven’t noticed yet…..the illustrious Earl gave IPB a shout on on BOC telling his gentle readers that he will be here tonight and should join us!
My sister (the funny twin, I am the boring one) once made a crack that they had to bring little pocket mirrors to the rink to check that Nieder was still breathing. He’s so ice-y.
I am officially hitting the beer tonight. As of 30 minutes ago my season is oooooveeeeeer.
We averaged in the neighborhood of 40 views a day back before Earl first gave us our first, much sought-after BoC shout-out earlier in the playoffs. Someday we’ll be naming a wing of the IPB Hall Of Fame after him.
and now you average 200+ comments per post……..
…..we were with you from the begining……..
Hehe. I like the idea that I’ve been reading a blog since long before it was big. Then again there’s like, 7, 8 maybe 9 people who comment like crazy. I don’t think I could keep up if there were more though.
Pookie and Scnookie, I see that you’ve already created a post for our game day comments. Way to plan ahead for the flood.
I am kicking myself for the insensitive foot-in-mouth comment comparing IPB and BoC. Earl, I LOVE BoC! (If you hadn’t already noticed, I account for the 20+ hits/day from Boston!)
There’s like, 7, 8 maybe 9 people who comment like crazy. I don’t think I could keep up if there were more though.
I have a hard time keeping things straight in my head. All the voices are so similarly brilliant and snarky, it’s hard to keep track. Before Game 4, somebody had the brilliant idea of going around and mentioning where were were commenting from, our team allegiances, etc. Can we do that this time? (Maybe closer to game time when more people are awake/around.)
I’m game with that idea. I’ll get mine out on the next post. Or the game post. I dunno. Somewhere easy to find. We should have like a gallery of IPB regulars (like the baker street irregulars. Damn lit geek that I am).
Earl, I LOVE BoC! (If you hadn’t already noticed, I account for the 20+ hits/day from Boston!)
And BoC loves you. :)
As for Selke talk, I still haven’t written that long-promised Selke post, but rest assured, Pando is getting some BoC recognition soon enough (first offseason priority)! Generally though, I don’t care who actually wins the trophy. Just having Sammy’s excellent play is good enough for me.
I don’t think I could keep up if there were more though.
I can’t keep up as it is? Don’t you people work!?
(like the baker street irregulars. Damn lit geek that I am)
Ha! FDR and Isaac Asimov were members of that Sherlockian group that calls themselves the BSI. You have good (if dead) company in your lit geekiness.
Generally though, I don’t care who actually wins the trophy. Just having Sammy’s excellent play is good enough for me.
You’re a better man than I, Sleek. So to speak. I try to tell myself that about Pando all the time, or at the very least console myself that those who aren’t True Pando Believers are missing out on the greatest joy hockey has to offer… but it’s small solace. What can I say? I’m petty.
Don’t you people work!?
Meg, I don’t doubt my employer is wondering exactly the same thing.
if only my employer knew how much time I actually am doing work as opposed to doing nothing. Kind of helps when most of my clients’ lines are down at the moment for one reason or another… ^_^
Before Game 4, somebody had the brilliant idea of going around and mentioning where were were commenting from, our team allegiances, etc. Can we do that this time?
Grace, we took you up on your suggestion! There is now an update to the “Programming Alert — Game 5″ post, encouraging anyone who wants to to leave a short introduction. There is an Official IPB Questionnaire to fill out, if you feel so inclined. Pay close attention to question the fourth. Anyone trying to dodge it gets a 10 IPBucks demerit!
Don’t you people work!?
I’m in med school specialising in orofacial surgery. If I don’t take time off to do this the stuff I see in the ER is going to scar me forever.
Meg, the original BSI were a group of back up characters in Holmes, that aided Mr Sherlock in being as singularly awesome as he was. But I bet you knew that.
Yeah, my roommate is a big Holmes fan. Thus I’m currently feeling informed (although if it weren’t for her I would have had no idea what you were talking about). :)
Hey…I just made it to work……and I have a massive train wreck of a project here (anyone know of planes I can charter for remote alaska???)……but the big toss up today is switching in between that and IPB!!!!
Pookie and I like to read aloud during the offseason (yes, while we do our needlepoint. We are, as I’ve said before, on the very forefront of the New Spinster Movement), and a few years ago we decided some Sherlock Holmes would be fun. And we got through the first story in this anthology we’d bought and, after a long pause, went, “That’s it? Seriously?” We promptly went back to reading Dorothy L. Sayers aloud instead.
As somehow who very much judges books by their covers (aren’t I a good librarian?) I really love the new-ish anthology of Sherlock Holmes and have on many occassion considered conveniently forgetting that I wasn’t very impressed by the stories just so I could buy it and put it on the shelf.