Okay, so the confetti has settled, the Cup’s been skated, and now it’s time for all of us to look deep into our hearts and figure out what in the hell we’re supposed to do between now and October. And while we won’t pretend to think IPB can fill that void in everyone’s lives, we are pleased to give you, Gentle Reader, an idea of what’s on tap for the lazy summer months ahead!
– IPB’s Official 118 Reasons (In No Particular Order) Why We Love Hockey. That’s right, every day we’ll be coming right back at you with a new reason why we love hockey, and some days there will even be two reasons, or maybe even three! “Why 118?” you ask? Well, there are two explanations for that. The first is that we’re too lazy and/or stupid to figure out how many days the off-season actually is. The second is that when we first got season tickets with the Devils we sat in section 118, and while we later moved up to 227, 227 seemed like an awful lot of reasons to have to think of. We originally engaged in an activity like this back in the summer of 1999; we got unusually buzzed on a bottle of sauvignon blanc and proceeded to attempt to enumerate 100 reasons we love this game. We can’t recall now whether we managed to get to 100, so it’ll be an exciting exercise to see if, now that we’ve publicly announced our goal, we can top that previous high by 18. You won’t want to miss it!
– Liveblogging the NHL Awards show. Be there or be square. (And by “there” we mean “whenever it is that VS is airing it”. We’re not sure when that is.)
– Liveblogging various and sundry things out of desperation and boredom. Anyone up to hearing Pookie’s radical ideas for improving the so-called “sport” of baseball? Keep your eyes peeled, then, for the inevitable MLB game we’ll liveblog. Want to hear about cars going in circles? Maybe we’ll give the IPB Red-Carpet treatment to a NASCAR event! Want to get a glimpse of a night of video-game hilarity? Well, we might just liveblog an attempt by the playstation-impaired denizens of stately IPB Manor to mount an NHL 2K7 tournament (Andrew told us it was easy to play — and he lied!).
– SPECTRE Saturdays! We’ve mentioned before in this space that we wrote a fake hockey season during the lockout; the project was known as Simulated Play Exquisite Corpse Team Recreation Experience, or SPECTRE. The document hasn’t aged well (we and our friends were very narrowly focused on the Devils at the end of the ’03-’04 season, and, frankly, ready for a little vacation from hockey. We did a very poor job of anticipating the post-lockout NHL), but we’ll still be posting some of our favorite and most outlandish excerpts weekly. So if you want a glimpse into the poetic soul of a disgruntled Brett Hull, or want a taste of “Brian Gionta, Tiny P.I.”, or want to know what happens when NHLers get their own time machines (hint: Brett Hull has some run-ins with the Seven Wonders Of The Ancient World), stay tuned!
– Commentary on free agent signings. Yeah, we’ll be paying attention to the NHL’s actual news, too. Although be forewarned: even at our most attentive, we still do a terrible job of keeping track of off-season moves. The first two or three weeks of each season are generally filled with choruses from us of, “Hey! When did [insert player name here] become a [insert team name here]?” So while we might weigh in on signings, we don’t recommend you use us as a primary news source. Because we know you were planning to.
– And lots, lots more!
So don’t worry, Gentle Reader. Summer might suck, but it’s always hockey season in IPB’s hearts.