The fourth in our 118-part series:
The Individual Trophies’ Names
There are a lot of things about hockey we point to as proof that it’s better than other sports — no free throws, no tuck rule, no, well, anything about baseball, really — but one of strongest arguments is the charm inherent in the names of the individual trophies. The NHL’s marvelous tradition and quirkiness starts with the Stanley Cup (no other major American sports league calls its championship by the trophy name) and echoes through every post-season award and individual accolade the league offers. Why have a blandly monikered “MVP Trophy” when you can have the Hart? Who would settle for “Defenseman of the Year” when they could be awarded the Norris instead? And what individual trophy name is more awe-inspiring than the Conn Smythe? In short, hockey is so much cooler than any other sport because, instead of having to call himself “Defensive Forward Of The Year” finalist Jay Pandolfo, Pando gets to put the much snappier “Selke finalist Jay Pandolfo” on his business cards. (What was that? Pando doesn’t have business cards? Shut up!)
Yeah, I liked tropy names a lot better before they started adding “Bud Light” and “Cold FX” to everything.
Cold FX doesn’t do it for you? But Messier was so proud of that one!
And yet doesn’t the Alka-Seltzer Plus-Minus Award have a certain cache?
Don’t answer that.
Bah. The guy so far as I can tell has about one job, to hand that damn thing out every month, and I was at a game where he decided to give one to Scotty by effing jumbotron. It was lame.
Hey, you wanna give out a damn award, Mess? Get off your ass and deliver it, you assmunch.
Hey, you wanna give out a damn award, Mess? Get off your ass and deliver it, you assmunch.
Oh, come on Earl. The golf doesn’t golf itself in Hilton Head, you know!
Then again, I know what I’d probably do if I were Mess (set up a dozen jumbotron videos and take the rest of the year off), so maybe I’m being a bit harsh. :)
Maybe Mess realizes exactly how lame his stupid award is and is embarrassed to make a big deal about it. Oh wait, that would suggest Mess has shame, which we all know he doesn’t.
He was too busy plotting on how to take over Glen Sather’s job.
I’m not going to diss it in the hopes that next season IPB will receive the Cold FX Leadership Award. Because we’re totally in the running, I’m sure.
Because we’re totally in the running, I’m sure.
I dunno. He’s probably filmed next year’s winners already (the Rangers and Red Wings have a lot of their rosters in place, so why wait?).
As soon as Mess’s peer group finishes dying off, they’re going to have to let someone else start picking the winners. That’s when we’ll get our foot in the door.
Schnookie, what can’t you just bomb them in one go? That was the plan right? You’ve been a bit sloppy you know.
I know, Jordi! I’m like the sucky loser assassin who takes the first crack at Matt Damon in “The Bourne Identity”. I make a complete hash of things and have to hurl my shattered body out a window. And that, folks, is why Hasek and Chelios will be coming back for another year in Detroit. Because I couldn’t get the job done.
Jordi’s solution for everything = violence.
You’ll get ‘em next year, Schnookie!
I’m trying to get a good poison supplier to poison Hasek and Chelios’ liquid steak. It’s the best I can do without the real tools like a shotgun or a bowgun.
Jordi’s solution for everything = violence.
That, or smut.
You know Sherbear, I must be a really violent person but I’m as meek as a mouse really. I never swear as much or even carry a TASER to class.
The only thing about killing Hasek and Chelios is (shhh) they are awfully fun to eliminate (/shhh).
I do like this tradition a lot. The Stanley Cup is just a really really cool prize. Do the other sports even have trophies? All of the individual player awards totally confuse me though, especially that one that is a lady’s name.
Wait, Katebits, the Lady Byng doesn’t make complete sense to you? :P
Don’t worry — after watching the Award Show tomorrow in all of its painfully lame lameness, it will all make sense!
The only thing about killing Hasek and Chelios is (shhh) they are awfully fun to eliminate (/shhh).
It’s true. And that’s the only reason I didn’t turn my assassin arts against Giggy in 2003.
And that’s the only reason I didn’t turn my assassin arts against Giggy in 2003.
Those same “assassin arts” that are going to have Chelios play well into his 50s? Color me unimpressed.
Yeah, I know. That’s what I get for trying to become an assassin after being raised Quaker.
Ahem. Lamar Hunt Open Cup. Cough.
Sorry that was pretty random, consider the Lamar Hunt reference in reply to:
(no other major American sports league calls its championship by the trophy name)
And while we’re debating this, consider that major and league are nebulous in the case of fútbol in america.
Spam filter to me: “Take that you off-topic, confrontational snarky remark of dubious humor and unneeded interest!”
Hockey is also the only sport to actually put the names of the winners on their trophy, right? The Stanley Cup is such a glorious piece of history, not to mention the single most recognizable symbol of the sport.
And don’t forget, if not for the existence of the Stanley Cup, there wouldn’t be a goalie duck raising the Cup on Ilya Bryzgalov’s facemask. I wouldn’t want to live in a world without that, would you?
Okay seriously! I was going to make angry (well..vaguely) why me you guys all suck comments about all the Chelios and Hasek bashing that everyone in these parts seems to need to do.
And then Ilya and his silly mask got mentioned again and all I could think was “awww!” DAMN IT! DAMN IT ALL! DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND I WANT TO BE A BITTER LOSER!?
DAMN IT! DAMN IT ALL! DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND I WANT TO BE A BITTER LOSER!?
I’m sure one more year of Hasek and Chelios can help you out with that.
Oh wait, I mean, Bryz’s mask, Bryz’s mask, Bryz’s mask :)
Steph, I think you already know why my Hasek and Chelios hates are justified.
More fodder for my show on Friday, hourray!
I could probably like both Hasek and Chelios if they were younger. Hasek is an amazing (if extremely unorthodox) goalie and Chelios is reportedly a nice person. But I still hate both of them.
Mags, I love how quickly you retreat from saying nice things about them!
For the record, I don’t hate Chelios so much as I’m just really, really tired of him. I mean, isn’t he done yet? He needs to go to Old NHL Island. (Hasek? Him I hate.)
Both Chelios and Hasek have to have a deal with the devil to keep playing at the level they’re playing at.
Lady Bing reminds me of Lady Bic. That’s a corporate sponsorship waiting to happen.
Lady Bing reminds me of Lady Bic.
That’s one of the reasons Pando didn’t want the Lady Byng that some people were floating as a distinct possibility for him this season. Mrs. Pando (the raccoon) once had an unfortunate encounter with a Lady Bic and he was devastated to realize how much of her pleasing shape was actually just fur.
For the record, I don’t hate Chelios so much as I’m just really, really tired of him. I mean, isn’t he done yet? He needs to go to Old NHL Island. (Hasek? Him I hate.)
but but… Chelios said he wants to play til he’s 51…!
my god, can’t his deal with the devil just be broken or something..
They really should have a straight-up Best Forward award. It’s great that they have the Best Defensive Forward Selke, but there should be something for offense. They can name it after Chris Chelios. Because even though he’s a defenseman, wait for it, everyone thinks he’s offensive! Zing!
Steph’s going to throw a rock at my window for that one. Best joke ever.
Wow, Margee. That was, uh… wow. Yes. Best joke ever. *Slowly backing away…*
I thought it was funny!
My co-worker and I just pre-recorded our Friday morning radio show and we totally just started blasting Jim Balsillie. Call us, Jim!
You’re such an iconoclast, Sherry! I can only hope Jim does give you a call; I’m sure if he doesn’t listen to your show, at the very least he reads IPB…
Hey, if Jim is in the City of Hamilton, he has no reason not to listen to us and he just has no real excuse not to be reading IPB no matter where he is.
I’m sure if he doesn’t listen to your show, at the very least he reads IPB…
You have to really. You don’t count if you don’t.
Hey, if Jim is in the City of Hamilton, he has no reason not to listen to us and he just has no real excuse not to be reading IPB no matter where he is.
Well, that settles it! We are all clearly the cultural epicenter of Jim Balsillie’s life!
My co-worker and I just pre-recorded our Friday morning radio show and we totally just started blasting Jim Balsillie. Call us, Jim!
It would be pretty funny if you got Balsillie to call a pre-recorded show.
While that would be hilarious, I mean Jim would call us after he heard our show. I was hoping our rantage and vitriol would be enough to inspire him to address our concerns.
I.e.) We don’t want the Predators, kthxbye.
Going back for a moment to comments 25 and 26…
Spam filter to me: “Take that you off-topic, confrontational snarky remark of dubious humor and unneeded interest!”
You’re right, Alejandro. We totally trained the spam filter to keep people from proving we’re wrong. Although really, you’re doubly right… that futbol in American doesn’t count as “major”! (Some might say the same of hockey, but I say to them, “SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!!”)
I.e.) We don’t want the Predators, kthxbye.
Aw, Sherry. You’d look cute in puke yellow.
Aw, Sherry. You’d look cute in puke yellow.
I was going to say that! And just think, if you got the Predators, you could learn how to do that little squirrel-attack thing the fans do when they go on power plays. You know, the finger-as-fangs thing… (Please tell me you know what I’m talking about.)
man, if there’s one thing i’ve learned from this thread, it’s that i clearly don’t hate enough players. at least, not enough to bring out the ol’ blowgun.
E, hockey has really taught me what a hateful person I am. I spent the first 18 years of my life thinking I was pretty easy-going, but then hockey came along… You should have seen how dysfunctional I was during the lockout, having no socially safe outlet for all that hate. I had to expend it all on hating inanimate household objects instead. Not a pretty sight.
Schnookie, I totally know what you’re talking about. I think that if the Predators were in the same division as the Sabres I could despise them a whole lot rather quickly.
Also, the “I know what you’re talking about” was in reply to comment 47 not 49.
I still can’t believe that the NHL would allow another team to move into an area that’s already got two teams within a 75 mile radius. Toronto had a nutty when Buffalo entered the league many moons ago, and we’re 2 hours away. I can imagine the nutty that they’re having over a team practically coming into their back yard.
MLSE is probably looking into hiring hitmen right now.
Thanks for reassuring me that I’m not crazy Meg!
(But, uhhh… you don’t know what I’m talking about in comment 49? You didn’t find a transference of your Tie Domi hate to, like, your laundry hamper during the long, dark days of the lockout?)
I had to expend it all on hating inanimate household objects instead.
maybe that’s my problem, i’m wasting too much hate on that freakin’ coffee grinder. why do you keep shooting beans all over the kitchen? why doesn’t you’re off-button-mechanism work anymore? why must you torment me with that horrific shreiking sound when i just want my coffeeeeeeee?
Well I’ll say “I know what you’re talking about” to comment 49, then!
But, uhhh… you don’t know what I’m talking about in comment 49? You didn’t find a transference of your Tie Domi hate to, like, your laundry hamper during the long, dark days of the lockout?)
To be honest, I really quite hate my laundry hamper lockout or no. It’s an independent form of hatred. But yes, I totally know what you’re talking about in that comment as well.
I still can’t believe that the NHL would allow another team to move into an area that’s already got two teams within a 75 mile radius.
well, i’m not totally sure, but having recently had to spend sometime driving around the new york/new jersey/pennsylvania area, it seems to me that the rangers, isles, devils, and flyers are all pretty damn close to each other and it seems to be working out alright for them. but then again, that area’s an awful lot more crowded.
I still can’t believe that the NHL would allow another team to move into an area that’s already got two teams within a 75 mile radius.
Yeah, but they can support it. And MLSE should thank their lucky stars that this is going to happen because suddenly their fanbase will start actually holding them accountable for their overpriced craptitude. It can only make the Leafs better, in the long run. Which, uh, is decidedly NOT a good thing.
E, I am so puzzled by your priorities — I mean, to use up your hate on things that actually affect your day-to-day life? Instead of irrationally hating a hockey player who only plays against your team twice in any 3-year stretch? But… but… That almost makes sense!
I’ll go ahead and say “poor Nashville”, though. I know in the Ducks’ early years there was a lot of bitter fantalk about contraction, and it did not sit well with me one bit. I don’t know how I’d manage to follow a team this year that already had its foot in the door to move elsewhere.
C’mon, Nashville. Give us your money. We haven’t moved yet.
I’ll go ahead and say “poor Nashville”, though.
I second that. Considering how near a thing it was that our beloved boys almost moved to Nashville themselves way back when (right before we were even their fans — just imagine if there hadn’t been a Devils for us to love! There’d be no IPB!), I can say it well and truly sucks for the fans there.
Aw, Sherry. You’d look cute in puke yellow.
Thank you, but I think I look the best in Senators red :P
you could learn how to do that little squirrel-attack thing the fans do when they go on power plays. You know, the finger-as-fangs thing… (Please tell me you know what I’m talking about.)
AHAHAHA. I know what you’re talking about, but I’ve never seen it.
J. Ball was supposed to get a BoG meeting next week to prove Hamilton’s a viable market or something. He’s already asking for people to deposit their money for season tickets. He probably would have to pay Buffalo and Toronto about $50 million each. I doubt that’s a problem for him, he probably swims in piles of money on his free time.
he probably swims in piles of money on his free time.
Like Scrooge McDuck? That’s so cool.
I wonder if they would keep Nashville in the West if the move happens. Detroit in the West is enough of a stretch, but Hamiton would be ridiculous.
Like Scrooge McDuck?
Always with the “Ootka! Oooh-OOH-OOH!” around here! (Who knew Ducktales would be such a prevalent theme in hockey discussions?)
The only Duck related show i watched was Darkwing Duck, so sadly I did not really get to see the Mickey House interpretation of a A Christmas Carol.
Completely unrelated to anything: I came across this picture: http://us.i1.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/p/sp/getty/a5/fullj.getty-74061454ms017_buffalo_sabre_3_43_21_pm.jpg last night (okay so it was 4:00 this morning, insomnia sucks), and I thought maybe you, P&S, could use it as a visual aid to your argument that Pommer is more vapid than a Labradoodle. Honestly it’s like I can SEE the speech bubble above his head that says “Like, OMG Goose! I, like, totally just scored! *hair flip*”
Anyway, I’ve been laughing about it since 4:00 this morning (again, bite me insomnia), and it’s because it made me think of you guys.
HAHA, that picture is dork-abulous.
Anyways, the news room just sent in an e-mail to Jim Balsillie for an interview. Fingers crossed everyone!
Actually, speaking of hockey teams in Hamilton, do any of you guys remember the TV series ‘PowerPlay’ from the ’90s? I don’t know if they had it in the states but it was basically about a hockey team in Hamilton. I think it only lasted like 2 seasons though.
http://www.g2creations.qc.ca/powerplay/
BGM, thanks for offering us more ammunition in the “Pommie would lose to the labradoodle puppy in a MathCounts meet” argument! (The *hair flip* thing seems, though, to apply to all the Sabres save Drury. Seriously, there has never been a collection of professional athletes who talk more like 12-year-old girls than the 2006-2007 Sabres.)
I’m glad we could keep you company, in spirit, during the wee hours of your insomnia.
do any of you guys remember the TV series ‘PowerPlay’ from the ’90s?
Aw, man! You guys get TV shows about hockey up there? We barely even get actual hockey on TV, let alone fictional hockey…
Schnookie, it’s rare but it happens. There’s one on TV now called ‘Rent-A-Goalie’ on Showcase that’s absolutely crude but hilarious. I think a couple of former NHLers have made appearances on it.
eriously, there has never been a collection of professional athletes who talk more like 12-year-old girls than the 2006-2007 Sabres.
Point proven by Pommie’s and Soupy’s review of the Justin Timberlake concert in February.
JT? For their sakes I hope they went because their girlfriends made them.
Oh, no, Sherry, no girlfriends involved. A bunch of the boys went together including Teppo which I think is just too awesome for words.
I think a bunch of the Sabres went to that concert actually, not just the two of them.
Seriously, there has never been a collection of professional athletes who talk more like 12-year-old girls than the 2006-2007 Sabres.
A 12-year-old girl who talks like Jaroslav Spacek is a scary scary thought, but I totally take your point.
Also, wasn’t that right around the same time as Ryan Miller’s fashion show? I think it’s safe to say that it wasn’t the most macho of weeks for the Sabres.
A bunch of the boys went together including Teppo which I think is just too awesome for words.
Totally. Can’t you just see in Teppo singing and miming to ‘Sexyback’?
I think it’s safe to say that it wasn’t the most macho of weeks for the Sabres.
There are a lot of complimentary adjectives I can think of to describe the Sabres, but — let me check here… *mentally running through list of adjectives* — Nope. “Macho” isn’t one of them. :P
There are a lot of complimentary adjectives I can think of to describe the Sabres, but — let me check here… *mentally running through list of adjectives* — Nope. “Macho” isn’t one of them. :P
Just wait until Staffy’s a regular in the line-up. He’ll macho that place right up, with his heavy metal and manly unibrow.
Well nothing says ‘macho’ quite like an unibrow.
Anyways, the news room just sent in an e-mail to Jim Balsillie for an interview. Fingers crossed everyone!
Are we supposed to be hoping that he doesn’t get angry, buy the radio station, and move you guys somewhere in the Northwest Territory?
You know your team is un-macho when even your “enforcer” appears less threatening than a Gund bear.
Oh crap, you think he will? Because we all know can totally do that, can’t he?
The Sabres are so cute.
You know your team is un-macho when even your “enforcer” appears less threatening than a Gund bear.
That’s still better than having your enforcer share a name with a fictional girl detective with a photographic memory!
Sherry, I think Earl is onto something. Better start looking at real estate prices near the arctic circle.
HAHAHA Cam Janssen?
If I start investing in the puke yellow now, do you think that’ll make a difference?
Hey if Jim is serious about moving the team to Canada, why not Nunavut? My housemate and I had the brilliant idea that their slogan would be “We’re having NUN-AV-UT!”
“We’re having NUN-AV-UT!”
I can only hope the proliferation of bad puns here today is warming us all up for the awards show tonight…
Oh Schnookie, that was a work of literary genius compared to what Ron McLean churns out.
I’m actually probably going to miss the awards tonight. Farmboy and I and housemates are going to go play pool.
Commenting from the depth of high school movie making hell here. I seem to recall Bettman was talking about a team in Halifax (I even wrote down what he said but i can’t find my notebook now)
The award show isn’t on here, so I’ll live vicariously through you.
I’m actually probably going to miss the awards tonight.
Ditto that. This should probably be my last choir practice / hockey conflict of the season, but I trust the IPBanter to be waiting for my late-night return!
I can only hope the proliferation of bad puns here today is warming us all up for the awards show tonight…
Hey, that’s how I’m selling the award show to my roommate. “Wendy, seriously, you definitely want to watch with me. There will be terrible puns.”
Well, we’ll strive that much harder to bring the joyous event to life through our “game” diary for those of you who won’t be watching the award show. I probably kind of wish I wasn’t watching it, either, but I just can’t turn away!
I am so disappointing my computer is off kilter at home. No following along at the same time!!!
Good morning all!
Sherry….Whitehorse is nice this time of year……..
Good morning all!
Good morning A-Oil! (as one of the few who still call this “morning”)
A.Oil, nice as in ‘down parka’ nice or can I get away with maybe just a trench?
It’s 1:35 pm here and I still feel like that’s way too early to be awake.
Sherry, I completely agree. I can wholeheartedly offer up a “Good morning!” to a.oil, because I feel just as groggy now as I did 5 hours ago when I woke up. Or, should I say, “woke” up.
Nice as in……..land of the midnight sun??? No parkas needed at this time.
Yes, this morning was a rough one. Still attempting to wake up.
It’s 1900 here and I still feel like I should be in bed. Today is quite simply a sleepy day.
Today is quite simply a sleepy day.
I guess we’re all paying the price for yesterday’s bacchanal of comments.
I still can’t believe that the NHL would allow another team to move into an area that’s already got two teams within a 75 mile radius.
Apologies for rehashing an older topic, but I put on my Gary Bettman hat during lunch to think about how to redraw division lines if the Preds move to Hamilton. If geographic proximity was the highest priority (rather than pesky lines of longitude or state boundaries), here’s what they might be:
Northeast Division (renamed Canada +1):
Montreal
Ottawa
Toronto
Hamilton
Buffalo
Atlantic Division (renamed I-95):
Boston
NYI
NYR
New Jersey
Philadelphia
Central Division (renamed Eastern Midwest):
Pittsburgh
Detroit
Columbus
Chicago
St. Louis
I’m not necessarily endorsing this plan, and, of course, it’ll never be adopted. For starters, it puts Pittsburgh (and HRH Sidney Crosby) in the Western Conference. As a Ducks fan, I have to admit it would be weird to have the Sharks and Ducks in different divisions, let alone conferences. A variation would be to throw Atlanta into the Central Division (it’s a smidge further west, latitudinally, than Columbus) and Pittsburgh into the Southeast, although this would also necessitate some division renaming.
Just my two (or more) cents.
I’m just sleepy all the time.
Last night, I brought home a beach ball we got from work [It says the Stepford Wives on it] and the housemates thought it opportune to have a miniature volleyball tournament in the basement. At 12 a.m. Where I sleep. Where the ceiling is super low. I participated for awhile before I intercepted a pass and then promptly ran into my room and locked the door.
They tried to make me surrender, even bringing out the crying and Farmboy’s puppy dog eyes, but luckily the door was shut.
I also only need another cup of coffee. One is simply not enough anymore.
Is one cup ever enough?
D’oh. It should be “a smidge further west, longitudinally, than Columbus.”
HAHA, considering how small I am, it really should be.
Grace, I’ve been contemplating that bit as well. I could definitely get behind a division nicknamed the “eastern midwest”, but I just don’t know how to do this judiciously.
The NHL does have a fascination with ping-pong ball lotteries, though. I might endorse a system where 17 or 18 teams apply to be in the eastern conference, and then a lottery ensues where 2 or 3 of them are forced to play in the west for a year (they could have exemption from the next year, I suppose).
Regardless, relocating Nashville eastward promises to be a tougher alignment issue than the old plan of relocating Pittsburgh to KC or wherever.
Haha, can you imagine how mad teams like Vancouver or Edmonton would be if the Florida teams lost the lottery and had to play in the Western Conference?
Is one cup ever enough?
The question Duck players have been contemplating for a week now.
Off-topic but..
Dear record people, sending us the same CD four different times is unnecessary and a waste of postage.
kthxbye!
oh Sherry can you re-link us to your station. I like an idiot should have saved it to favorites.
Haha, I would love to :)
http://cfmu.mcmaster.ca
I think we’re playing classical music now, up next is some dancey stuff
Wow! Look at Grace actually thinking seriously about hockey! I’m impressed! (I have to admit, though, that I haven’t got a lot to add to what should be a pretty interesting topic. The Devils always get stuck in the same division with the Rangers, Islanders and Flyers, and they just shuffle out the Washingtons in favor of the Pittsburghs or whatever. I’d say I want the Penguins to stay in the East because I like them right now, but secondary favorite teams tend to shift in and out of the picture for me, so who knows what I’d want to see in three years.)
I think I’ll blame my dragging today not on the fact that we stayed up way too late last night watching “Mythbusters” (I have a crush on that entire show. I can’t get enough of it!) but instead on the hot water from my office’s coffee machine that was tepid today and made my tea undrinkable. I had to junk an entire pot of deliciously caffienated Panyong tea in favor of a tasty but weak-willed pink tisane. NOT a suitable substitute. In case you were wondering.
renamed Canada +1
Well, good thing Buffalo’s used to being Canada’s arm candy by now.
Is one cup ever enough?
The question Duck players have been contemplating for a week now.
A question the Dallas Stars ruminated on and answered, “Yes.”
hahaha
Earl, what are you going to do when next year your Ducks don’t repeat? All cocky now, but we will remind you of all of this next spring.
I won’t be able to watch much of the NHL Awards live tonight so I just set my DVR to record the festivities. I think the only thing weirder than me watching the NHL Awards is me recording the NHL awards for later viewing. Look what you’ve done to me IPB!
To make matters weirder, I’m about to curl up on the couch with a copy of Shattuck Boys.
The question Duck players have been contemplating for a week now
I think Earl owes me a new designer coat for my move to the Northwest Territories for that comment.
To make matters weirder, I’m about to curl up on the couch with a copy of Shattuck Boys.
There is nothing weird about reading Shattuck Boys!!!
:P
I think Earl owes me a new designer coat for my move to the Northwest Territories for that comment.
You’ll have to wait on that, I’m afraid. They offer yellow coats, but none that I could describe as “pukish” enough.
Well, good thing Buffalo’s used to being Canada’s arm candy by now.
Yes, although getting described as arm candy might be a new experience.
Look at Grace actually thinking seriously about hockey!
Schnookie, in addition to my love of hockey, I have a strange fascination with maps. When the two can, in any way, be combined, well…let’s just say it’s better than Christmas. :)
A question the Dallas Stars ruminated on and answered, “Yes.”
Ouch.
You’ll have to wait on that, I’m afraid. They offer yellow coats, but none that I could describe as “pukish” enough.
I’ve learned it’s obviously all about waiting with you :P
Hey, if Jim is insistent on moving the team over here, the least I can hope for is that he brings a better colour scheme with him.
Hockey + Maps = Happiness. I wish we still had pictures of our old family room, with the walls covered in maps of Europe, Canada and the US, covered with pushpins marking the birthplaces of all the NHLers. That was a fun and highly productive project. (Actually, my understanding of European geography was greatly improved by it, so I guess it was educational, after all…)
My day planner has a map of North America in it and on bored days I put little dots on where an NHL franchise is, just to practice my geography.
It’s sort of a reminder of how many arenas I have to visit to see the Senators play in.
I scrolled right through all that hate on my players with happy Bryz thoughts in my head, just so you all know. I think it’s become my coping mechanism.
Except for you Margee. Yours I saw. You just wait, that rock is coming.
While I think it wold be sort of fun (in a dangerous, hockey-fueled international incident kind of way) to have a NHL team in Hamilton, it seems like a pretty shitty deal for the Sabres. It was just a few short years ago that the team was in mortal peril. I’m scared that The Predators will move to Hamilton and then the Sabres will move to Sante Fe or some such nonsense.
Schnookie, in addition to my love of hockey, I have a strange fascination with maps.
I suppose that makes sense. Ever since Shirley Jackson, I myself have had a strange fascination with lotteries.
I’ve learned it’s obviously all about waiting with you :P
Patience comes to those who wait. Or something like that.
If the Preds do end up coming to Hamilton it’ll either be Hamilton or Buffalo that has to move cause it certainly won’t be the Leafs…sadly.
And if the Preds move, what will Jordin Tootoo do?
Well, good thing Buffalo’s used to being Canada’s arm candy by now.
Out-of-towners not familiar with the Buffalo area get confused by both anthems playing at sporting events. During the NCAA tourney, a B-lo News reporter overheard two college students trying to figure out why O Canada was playing. They reckoned it was because part of Buffalo was in Canada.
“Mythbusters” (I have a crush on that entire show. I can’t get enough of it!)
Mythbusters is the best. I get where they were going with last night’s grenade myths, but a Marine just won a posthumous Medal of Honor for throwing himself on a live grenade to save the lives of his buddies in Iraq. Real life proves the movie myth, but its still fun to watch things blow up.
Ever since Shirley Jackson, I myself have had a strange fascination with lotteries.
If that damn tisane had been caffienated I might have had the energy to laugh out loud the hardest at that. Alas, it didn’t and I don’t. So no award. Sorry.
They reckoned it was because part of Buffalo was in Canada.
The Niagara Falls part?
Ever since Shirley Jackson, I myself have had a strange fascination with lotteries.
Best story ever.
I bought a map of the Czech Republic when I was over there and I had actually entertained pushpins of players’ birthplaces. In fact, Hemsky already had one, at least when it was on my wall where I was staying over there.
Unfortunately Czech people don’t seem to realize that in the US we have standard frame sizes, and 27.4436723 x 23 isn’t one of them, so it’s sitting on my coffee table folded up at the moment.
Yeah, Amy, I was puzzled by that as well, since there are so many true stories you hear about soldiers saving people by jumping on grenades — it’s so not something confined to movie lore. But I forgive them becausue it provided the opportunity to see that slo-mo replay of the ballistics material dummy blowing up.
The Niagara Falls part?
While either way they lose when it comes to geography, what with Niagara Falls, NY being a totally separate city from Buffalo, that would at least be somewhat comforting. A smaller geographical error, if you will.
becausue it provided the opportunity to see that slo-mo replay of the ballistics material dummy blowing up.
I suspect they do these tests just so they can justify their desire to watch things blow up on slo-mo.
Czech people don’t seem to realize that in the US we have standard frame sizes, and 27.4436723 x 23 isn’t one of them
Frame? What is this “frame” you speak of? We were such college students, what with the way we just taped our “birthplaces” maps to the wall and stuck the pins right in. I did not envy the painter we hired to put that wall back together again when we sold that house.
Unfortunately Czech people don’t seem to realize that in the US we have standard frame sizes, and 27.4436723 x 23 isn’t one of them, so it’s sitting on my coffee table folded up at the moment.
Just have it matted (or do it yourself if you have access to the tools) to the next largest frame size.
I suspect they do these tests just so they can justify their desire to watch things blow up on slo-mo.
Well thank goodness they act on their desire to watch things blow up in slo-mo, because we all benefit from it! :-)
I have a map of Middle Earth up on my wall at my parent’s place, does that count for anything? Except for you know, the fact that I’m a huge nerd?
I’m scared that The Predators will move to Hamilton and then the Sabres will move to Sante Fe or some such nonsense.
Well, judging by the three most recent Cup winners, maybe a change to warmer weather is all the Sabres need to finally win it all. That being said, the day someone takes my Sabres away is the day I apply for a license to kill.
Sherry, I’m not sure what we’re counting, but Middle Earth definitely counts.
It took me about three times longer than it should have to get through the trilogy because I kept one finger in the map section and kept flipping back to it every time a place was mentioned.
I seem to have some irrational desire to have everything on my walls framed (my roommate tells me I am crazy). As if that’s going to delude people into believing I live in a nice apartment, and not, well, a place to throw my shit for a year while I hopefully finish college.
To prove that I do in fact not, I think my plan involves forgoing the whole nice matte idea and um, buying big piece of black posterboard to throw up behind it or something.
Well, judging by the three most recent Cup winners, maybe a change to warmer weather is all the Sabres need to finally win it all.
This reminds me of this photo: http://www.anaheimducks.com/multimedia/slideshow.php?gallery_id=117&gal_name=Ducks%20at%20the%20Beach&ids=3008:3009:3010:3011:3012:3013:3014:3015:3016:3017:3018:3019:3020:3021:3022:3023:3024:3025:3026:3027:3028:3029:3030:3031:3032:3033:3034:3035:3036:3037:3038:3039:3040&num=29:33
Wow, what an ugly link. Sorry for not knowing how to embed it into “this photo.”
I can’t imagine Buffalo would let a pro sports team leave. It is all they have.
The coolest map I have is of Shakespeare’s Britain, and it shows all the locations the history plays are meant to take place in.
Ooops… did I say “coolest”?
BGM the literary dork in me totally says….”coolest”.
and clearly the spelling part of me has completely failed me.
Oh ugh, I trudged through a good three of those albums (uh, totally not just to see if there were pictures of Bryz worth having or anything) and that one made me want to puke.
Okay, scratch that, they all actually pretty much made me want to puke, but Pronger with the cup on the beach was probably the worst. Sherry would understand.
I believe the exact phrase I used was something a long the lines of the Cup lounging around on the beach, getting sand in awkward places.
That was really all I could think of when I went through that album.
Ilya wasn’t even in it, for the record. He knows better.
He probably brought the Cup back to his mansion so his toaster kids could play with it.
Oh, poor Crunchy.
I have a map of Middle Earth up on my wall at my parent’s place, does that count for anything?
Ooh, did you put a pushpin to signify the birthplace of Marty St. Louis?
Um. I knew I shouldn’t look at those pictures….but then you all starting talking about it and it was like a moth to the flame. Damn you all.
Sleek, sadly I did not. My mom would have ripped me a new one if I put a hole in her wall.
Do I really need to be sent down the road of imagining the live sof crazy Russian goalies for the amusement of all you people yet again?
Steph, next time you’re around I should do the ‘Why you have to be mad, is only game!’ reenactment for you. My housemate gets a kick out of it because apparently I do the Russian accent well.
It’s funny how photo 1 of 33 on that link is at Sharkeez Bar. Last year, I fully credit the burning down of a Sharkeez Bar for the self-destruction of the SJ Sharks. Before the fire, the Sharks had a 2-0 lead on the Oil; after the fire, they lost four straight.
Sherry, there’s always Friday, from 1-3pm. ;)
Okay, I’m flipping through that “Cup On The Beach” album (and yes, Sherry, the Cup does look like it’s got sand in uncomfortable places), and realize I haven’t the foggiest notion who most of those guys are. Why aren’t there captions? Don’t they realize most of us barely figured out their lineup, and only figured out as much of it as we did because we hated them less than the Sens (sorry, Sherry)? And now the guys don’t have beards, so we have even less of a clue. (And where’s my SCF boyfriend? The SCF might be over, but I haven’t forgotten! Yet.)
Anyway, I found myself laughing hysterically at two things. The first was Nieder’s hilarious old-man cardigan. (That was Nieder, right? If not, that cardigan’s hilarious even on just a random stranger.) The second was this dialog that popped into my head looking at Baby Crunchy’s promdate picture with the Cup (and that has to be Baby Crunchy, even though I still need a caption to figure even him out, too — no one but the Crunchys have hands that look like that):
Baby Crunchy (skeptically): “I don’t know, Crunch. These look really dorky.”
Crunchy: “I’m the Hipster Baron of the Midwest, Baby Crunchy. And I’m your big brother. Would I lead you astray with bad fashion advice?”
Baby Crunchy (still unsure): “I guess not… Are you sure you’re not mad at me for winning and everything?”
Crunchy (being a characteristically awful liar): “Oh, I’ve got nothing but happy feelings about you and the Cup, bro. And I’ve got your best interests at heart when I say that those shoes are totally rad. They make you look really hot.”
Baby Crunchy (always gullible): “Aw, thanks, Crunch. I’m sorry I doubted you. And yeah, I’m really psyched about wearing these cool-assed shoes.”
Crunchy (under his breath): “Sucker.”
Baby Crunchy walks off in his dorktacular shoes, and Crunchy watches him, a single tear running, unchecked, down his gaunt cheek.
Sherry, I wait with bated breath. You of course know you’re going to have to modify it and go off on a tangent about toaster children.
You have until the end of August to perfect it!
Grace – HAHA, we’ll see how much coffee [read: alcohol] I have before I go on the air first.
Steph – Dang! The toaster children part might need some work, I’ve already got the rest of it down pat from redoing it over and over.
I mean, yes I have a life.
I believe in you! You’ve got a good two months! And really, you could always just break down into a brilliant Russian-accented version of the Duck Tales theme and I’d be just as happy.
Just keeping your options open.
And Schnookie, that was brilliant. I never knew Crunchy was so passive-aggressively vindictive.
and realize I haven’t the foggiest notion who most of those guys are. Why aren’t there captions?
I was similarly lost.
and that has to be Baby Crunchy, even though I still need a caption to figure even him out, too — no one but the Crunchys have hands that look like that
Also, you can tell even with the jeans that there’s a bit of Crunchy-leg going on there.
I never knew Crunchy was so passive-aggressively vindictive.
That’s just the tip of the iceberg. Before too much longer Baby Crunchy is going to wish he never got called up by the Ducks in the first place.
I had the same thought about Nieder’s sweater Schnookie. Also, when were these pictures taken? Did Nieder shave his beard and then amazingly grow it back to full crazy-professor proportions all in one week?! The beard was gone for awhile, right?
I can’t help it, I hate Baby Crunchy.
Sherry, sound good! So someone is a no-show?
Also, you can tell even with the jeans that there’s a bit of Crunchy-leg going on there.
Yes, that was my second clue. My third was, of course, the shoes. Because those shoes are just the sort of thing that Crunchy wears to make me wail, “Oh Crunchy!” just as Boomer and Pookie notice them and start raining scorn on both Crunchy and me. It’s awful.
By the way, I hope IPB doesn’t pick up any future readers who weren’t here for these last few days of comments, because I full intend to reference “toaster kids” as often as I possibly can from here forward.
I was similarly lost.
Me too. Once we got past Ilya, Teemu, anything where both Niedermayers were in the picture (whereupon I could at least rely on the resemblance), Pronger’s stupid gap tooth and Giguere’s weird receding hairline I was doomed. Oh oh, and Getzlaf’s…face. I don’t even know how to describe that but it’s pretty unmistakeable.
A.O. – Ugh yes, I hate it when people do that cause I have no idea what the heck I’m supposed to do so I just throw something on, haha.
Wait, Getzi was in there? Did I skip over him? (My computer was being very stubborn about the pictures… does my employer not want me to see him?)
BabyCrunchy totally bought those shoes at Crunchy’s Big 10 House of Fashion.
Did Nieder shave his beard and then amazingly grow it back to full crazy-professor proportions all in one week?!
I think Nieder can doff and don that beard in the blink of an eye.
BabyCrunchy totally bought those shoes at Crunchy’s Big 10 House of Fashion.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::
Schnookie – Actually I don’t know if he was part of the beach escapades or if I’m remember shots from the celebration parade whatever thing. I got all the available Ilya and then ran as fast as I could, so my memories are fuzzy.
And oh good, I missed the Crunchy boat, but I can certainly get behind referring to toaster children as often as possible!
Ack, nobody is going to go back and look, but because I am obsessive/compulsive:
10/11: Pronger, 12: Perry, 13: Baby Nieder, 14: Penner, 15: Moen, 16: Pahlsson, 17: Kunitz, 18: McDonald, 19: Jackman, 20: Giguere, 21: Thornton, 22: (wee) Shannon, 23: Motzko (poor Motzko went unrecognized by MotzkoNation!), 24: DiPenta, 25: Hartigan, 26: Parros, 27: Caron, 28: Huskins, 29: BabyCrunchy, 30: Rome, 31: May
I never knew Crunchy was so passive-aggressively vindictive.
That’s just the tip of the iceberg.
I’m telling you. Give him 100 more years…
Oh thank goodness, Steph. I was going to feel like such an idiot complaining that there was no Getzi in there, when actually there was… because I’ve never said anything else in this space that makes me look like an idiot. Like that I think Getzi’s hot in the first place.
And it’s never too late to hop on the Crunchy boat!
(By the way, I raced back through the pictures again, frantic that I’d missed some foxy Getzi action [HA!], and almost more hilarious than the cardigan is Nieder’s choice of old-man slippers. He looks like he should be shuffling around in a plaid flannel bathrobe, threateningly waving a rolled-up newspaper at the neighborhood kids.)
Motzko (poor Motzko went unrecognized by MotzkoNation!)
I figured one of them had to be Motzko, but MotzkoNation is more about the essence than the man.
Poor Crunchy, I feel for him. It’s the older sibling curse wherein you usually end up getting the big prize after your younger sibling (the Nieder’s being the exception here). And that just spoils the party.
Nieder’s beard is just really hot…to me. I like to imagine that you can go to sleep next to a clean shaven Nieder, and wake up next to GrizzlyProfessorNieder.
Heh. I just went back for a glimpse of the Nieder slippers. What a coot!
GrzzlyProfessorNieder who wears old man slippers.
My sister says “Yeah, Nieder’s beard would be hot. In the sense that everytime he takes a step he’s sweating bucketloads. And if he were 68.” (clearly she’s the funnier sister)
I like to imagine that you can go to sleep next to a clean shaven Nieder, and wake up next to GrizzlyProfessorNieder.
You wouldn’t even have to go sleep. You could just turn out the light, then suddenly remember you think you left the oven on, turn the light back on and — POOF! There’s GrizzlyProfessorNieder wearing old man slippers. (Although cleanshaven Nieder also wears the slippers. There’s no way around that.)
I still can’t remember why I hate Getzlaf, but it as exploded from whatever it was to that kind of hate where you hiss reflexively upon sight.
And now knowing which one Motzko is has led me back to those pictures again. Sigh.
I still can’t remember why I hate Getzlaf, but it as exploded from whatever it was to that kind of hate where you hiss reflexively upon sight.
Kind of the way we all feel about Chelios and Hasek!
And now knowing which one Motzko is has led me back to those pictures again. Sigh.
It’s such a delicate balance to strike, that between being a glutton for punishment and being a good citizen of MotzkoNation.
Oh, and Schnookie, if you want to get your fill of Getzlaf, he (and the Cup) are going to be on VH1′s Top 20 countdown on June 25. Apparently MTV’s TRL wasn’t interested. ;)
Wow, Getzi’s so cool! Uhhh… I think I can skip it, but thanks for the heads-up. (I’m not sure what would happen to my brain if I tried to watch anything on VH1.)
no one but the Crunchys have hands that look like that
I love the Crunchy hands! Seriously.
No, CleanShavenNieder doesn’t wear old man slippers. CleanShavenNieder wears Birkenstocks with socks. It’s a fine line, but I must insist that it is recognized.
I like to imagine that you can go to sleep next to a clean shaven Nieder, and wake up next to GrizzlyProfessorNieder.
I think this would lead to at least one case of death by beard suffocation. You sleep next to Nieder at your own risk.
BabyCrunchy totally bought those shoes at Crunchy’s Big 10 House of Fashion.
Catering to those who just drive around and buy stuff?
On a side note: wouldn’t Cup caretaker be just about the coolest job?
Yeah yeah yeah.
At least Hasek and Chelios are ancient and thus have valid excuses to look so douchey :b
Well I think some would think that being Crunchy Caretaker would be better……
Crunchy Caretaker = Wayland Smithers
Who is the Duck with the weird pirate mustache? He is SO going to regret sporting that look for his Stanley Cup prom pictures in a few years.
Crunchy Caretaker = Wayland Smithers
Crunchy is NOT Monty Burns!!! I cannot stress this enough! (Don’t make me block you from this site, Earl.)
At least Hasek and Chelios are ancient and thus have valid excuses to look so douchey
Oh, like they didn’t look douchey when they were young!
Crunchy is NOT Monty Burns
You mean NOT YET.
wouldn’t Cup caretaker be just about the coolest job?
I remember last year they did a bit with one of the caretakers on the Buffalo News (I think he was from Buffalo), and he said he doesn’t polish the Tampa Bay section of the Cup. This was before Carolina won, but I don’t think that or the Anaheim section is going to see much loving either. Sorry, Earl.
At least Hasek and Chelios are ancient and thus have valid excuses to look so douchey :b
I seem to remember Hasek looking douchey before he was ancient as well. (Initially I typed “being douchey.” Freudian slip?)
Schnookie just ignore them!
I’m trying to ignore them, Katebits, but it’s so hard!
(And don’t get me started about how much I love the Crunchy hands. I’m glad you agree.)
I actually don’t think Chelios has looked any different for as long as I’ve been old enough for player recognition. So uh, yeah.
I seem to remember Hasek looking douchey before he was ancient
A man who is 70% nose and 30% Adam’s apple will never look anything but douchey.
I think that’s just a part of Hasek’s uh…nope, can’t bring myself to say ‘charm’.
spits soda out her mouth
perfect BGM….I never thought about it like that, but it is completely true.
Ever since whichever playoff year it was that Hasek faked an injury, pulled himself out of a game, assaulted a reporter and then made his teammates literally stand behind him while he issued a statement about how his teammates were standing behind him (I know, I could be describing almost every playoff year of Hasek’s), he has looked nothing but douchey. Because douchey is as douchey does.
OKAY I GET IT there’s no point in trying to defend someone even I don’t really believe in my case for defending just because he saved our asses last season!
Can we move on to group Pronger hate or something now?
Schnookie, I think that was ’97.
I actually can’t hate Hasek, despite thinkin he’s an ass. Still quite like him as a player.
Who is the Duck with the weird pirate mustache?
Kate, that is George Parros, the Ducks enforcer. And, for the record, it’s not a pirate mustache, it’s a pornstar mustache.
Crunchy is NOT Monty Burns
You mean NOT YET.
Mags, you are perfect.
Parros’ stashe is a like a serious flash back to Debbie Does Dallas (the original).
Can we move on to group Pronger hate or something now?
Steph, I say we move back to in-depth analyze of the Duck Beach Party. Has anyone else noticed how in the group photo on the beach, Baby Crunchy is sort of behind the last row, as if he wasn’t really invited to be in the picture but no one had the heart to tell him to get out of the picture?
I agree, Katebits — Baby Crunchy totally looks like an interloper. At least, that’s what Crunchy told himself when he poured obsessively over this album while getting drunk on dandelion wine.
it’s a pornstar mustache.
Thanks for finally helping me decide what it was the moustache reminded me off. I’ll never be the same again. Or at least, the way I look at Parros won’t be.
homemade, organic dandelion wine!
is there any other kind Kate?
I think all mustaches are a little bit porn-y by nature.
good point, oil.
homemade, organic dandelion wine!
What, you think he’d drink the conventionally-grown, store-bought swill? I mean, yeah, he likes to drive around buying stuff, but he’s got standards.
And for the record, Parros is about so much more than just the mustache — he’s a Princeton graduate! (Which means he probably totally loves Thomas Sweet ice cream. Okay, probably not. But it means he loves Hoagie Haven.)
No, Parros likes Wawa shorties.
I have to wonder how he wound up there in the first place. I mean, we already established the lack of Bryz and Getzlaf…I’ve started to think maybe they just invited BabyCrunchy along out of necessity to fill some space.
Parros is about so much more than just the mustache — he’s a Princeton graduate
So he is a porn star that can read his contract?
maybe they just invited BabyCrunchy along out of necessity to fill some space
Some just wanted to the sweet revenge on Crunchy that his brother would appear in all the promo pictures…..
Parros is about so much more than just the mustache — he’s a Princeton graduate
So he is a porn star that can read his contract?
A co-worker of mine went to Princeton with Parros and said that she remembers him being clean-shaven back then.
Some just wanted to the sweet revenge on Crunchy that his brother would appear in all the promo pictures…..
They’re planning on photoshopping Baby Crunchy’s body out and replacing it with a middle finger before e-mailing it to Crunchy.
hahaah……
Oh, poor Crunchy!
Some just wanted to the sweet revenge on Crunchy that his brother would appear in all the promo pictures…..
They’re planning on photoshopping Baby Crunchy’s body out and replacing it with a middle finger before e-mailing it to Crunchy.
*Rocking back and forth in my chair, my eyes pressed tightly shut.*
Ignoring! Ignoring! Ignoring!
Awww *attachhugs Crunchy*
*attachhugs Schnookie too* Poor Crunchy, poor Schnookie.
=) on the bright side, next year Crunchy will not only win the Cup, but also the Vezina and Hart and the Lester B.
Those pictures will then be photoshopped. :0!
=) on the bright side, next year Crunchy will not only win the Cup, but also the Vezina and Hart and the Lester B.
“Excellent.”
Well luckily Schnookie will be there in Crunchy’s time of need.
but that would make BabyCrunchy feel just as bad ._. so in reality nothing should happen and everyone just should just hug!
kumbayaaa…
=) on the bright side, next year Crunchy will not only win the Cup, but also the Vezina and Hart and the Lester B.
On a whole ‘nother note, does anyone know if anyone has ever won all of those in the same year? (I’m sure I know, it’s just gone now. And if the answer is Roy, I don’t want to remember)
Aww, poor Crunchy!
You know, my liking of Crunchy is along the lines of “Ty likes him! I should too!” I feel like that is so, so backwards. (No, I will never be able to explain the Ty Conklin thing. Ever. Don’t even ask me.)
Playing catch-up:
- Jaro Spacek is the world’s greatest interview. If you’ve never heard him talk, it’s far too amazing for words. Fast, guttural, and completely nonsensical. I think he’s speaking his own language.
- I’m looking at a map of Middle Earth right now.
- Kate, I can’t move past the Baby Crunch thing either. I was mildly amused at first but then I started thinking about it and I started to get really pissed. I’ve been walking around the house ranting and raving, “Ryan carried the %$&@^@! team on his @#&&#@ back for the whole postseason and what did he get? Bupkus! Drew plays in TWO $@@!$% games – the SECOND and THIRD #$%%@ games of his $#@!%^# NHL CAREER – and HE gets to tote around the #$!$^ Stanley Cup while Ryan is stuck coming up with all these crazy ass superstions about being in the same house with the #Q!#%%# thing wihout jinxing himself forever. FUCK YOU, HOCKEY GODS!!!!” Even my husband is telling me to let it go and considering what an irrational hockey fan he is, that’s not a good thing.
I’m scared that The Predators will move to Hamilton and then the Sabres will move to Sante Fe or some such nonsense.
I love it. This is such a Buffalo frame of mind. “Great! We’re fuckin’ screwed!” :-)
kumbayaaa…
Are you in a cabal with my polygamist neighbours in their attempt to drive me mad?
Yes Mags, actually we all are. We are merely a set up by them. All of us. We sucked you in…..and now slowly driving you insane.
On a whole ‘nother note, does anyone know if anyone has ever won all of those in the same year? (I’m sure I know, it’s just gone now. And if the answer is Roy, I don’t want to remember)
Roy never won the Hart or the Lester B. and the years he won the Vezina he didn’t win the cup, so no worries there.
mags – no frenzied studying for economics final has addled my brain.
on the nashville move thing… I really wouldn’t like it if they came and Buffalo moved. or even if they came. bye Mr.Blackberryy..
Awww *attachhugs Crunchy*
*attachhugs Schnookie too*
I was just momentarily overcome — I mean, I just had a cyberembrace (a cyberclinch?) with Crunchy. It was very tender, but also a little steamy. And yes, I managed to slap a post-it that says, “My name is Crunchy and I play the electric oboe” on his back without him noticing. Keep your eyes peeled for that, Buffalonians. (Uh, disregarding the fact that he’s probably in East Lansing right now…)
of course I could be lying and AO could so be telling the truth……
Hasek is the only goalie to win the trio of awards (Hart, Pearson, Vezina), but I believe that was only in Buffalo.
For some reason, Baby Crunchy is reminding me of a taller version of BJ Novak of The Office.
And if the answer is Roy, I don’t want to remember
According to wikipedia, he did not.
Are you in a cabal with my polygamist neighbours in their attempt to drive me mad?
Yes Mags, actually we all are. We are merely a set up by them. All of us. We sucked you in…..and now slowly driving you insane.
You know, everyone, I can’t believe she caught on to us so quickly. I was sure a Devils blog serving as a pan-NHL blog was a really good cover, too…
Oil, bummer, I knew there was a reason you people were so nice to me.
Meg, thank god, I have an irrational amount of Roy hate. Honestly, I wouldn’t even know what he’s won, other than the fact that he should get the “King Jerk” award.
Vinny, well, good luck with the final either way.
- Jaro Spacek is the world’s greatest interview. If you’ve never heard him talk, it’s far too amazing for words. Fast, guttural, and completely nonsensical. I think he’s speaking his own language.
How many imaginary children does SpaceKase have?
Heather, we must never forgive BabyCrunchy for this. Never.
I love it. This is such a Buffalo frame of mind. “Great! We’re fuckin’ screwed!
I’m a Buffalonian alright! It only took six years, but now I’m just as paranoid and desperate as everybody else. :) (Heather I listened to the entire Lindy Ruff press conference this morning in the hopes that suddenly Chris Drury would walk in and there would be a big “Surprise! Chris Drury has signed lifetime contract!”, but no dice. I’m starting to get scared.)
Schnookie, speaking of East Lansing, have I ever told you that I have a friend who actually went to school with Crunchy and partied with him all the time? I’m sure there are great stories I haven’t heard that I should really check into.
At least you all can have hope in Buffalo….in Edmonton…we just know we are fucked.
but but KBits… Drury’s supposed to wear blue and white after this season! =(
Schnookie, speaking of East Lansing, have I ever told you that I have a friend who actually went to school with Crunchy and partied with him all the time? I’m sure there are great stories I haven’t heard that I should really check into.
Steph, I don’t know why you’ve been sitting on this goldmine for so long, but seriously… GET. ON. THIS. NOW.
Oh let’s not start talking about the Oilers…I was having such a good happy day, and that’s a surefire way to cause tears.
Schnookie, speaking of East Lansing, have I ever told you that I have a friend who actually went to school with Crunchy and partied with him all the time? I’m sure there are great stories I haven’t heard that I should really check into.
I bet the stories are hair-raising. Because there is no way Crunchy isn’t the world’s most depressing drunk.
Drury’s supposed to wear blue and white after this season!
I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that.
Steph, I don’t know why you’ve been sitting on this goldmine for so long, but seriously… GET. ON. THIS. NOW.
I am in complete agreement with Earl.
Phew, I’ve only just caught up here! Stupid work keeping me from IPB. So I have to say, those pictures are too funny. What I particularly liked was the shot of Baby Crunchy carrying his shoes, pratically waving them like a flag of unfashionability.
Yay! Pookie!
I second that. Jaro is an awesome interview. I also love it when they get Max on the mic. He’s not all that crazy, but his accent cracks me up. He talks like a villain from some bad Steven Seagal movie.
Max talks like a villain from a bad Steven Seagal movie, and looks like Faye Dunaway! He’s perfect!
If we venture away from Buffalo interviews.. I still think Ovechkin cracks me up the most. Sometimes I want him to learn proper English, sometimes I really, really don’t.
anyone think Malkin (if he takes the Calder) will speak in English? A lot of coherent english :X.
I’ll get right on that – they’ll be IBP exclusive results!
Just for personal clarification, could you guys point me to some good Steven Seagal movies? Just curious where you guys are drawing the line here.
Faye Dunaway…oh my god. that’s funny.
I was thinking more along the lines of Farrah Fawcet in ‘Logans Run’. But you’re right there with me Schnookie.
Or IPB in the world where I know how to properly type.
I bet the stories are hair-raising. Because there is no way Crunchy isn’t the world’s most depressing drunk.
I heard that every time Crunchy gets drunk he gets out his oboe and starts playing “The Way We Were” ad nauseum.
Earl, EVERY Seagal movie is so bad it’s good. I thought that was common knowledge!
Or IPB in the world where I know how to properly type.
Having grown up in a large family, Pookie and I are very used to being called by the wrong name. Our blog is the same way.
I heard that every time Crunchy gets drunk he gets out his oboe and starts playing “The Way We Were” ad nauseum.
Either that or he challenges everyone around him to bar games that he sucks at and refuses to let them leave until he wins.
I can see Crunchy playing that Japanese Nail game (pachenko????) or something.
I heard that every time Crunchy gets drunk he sculpts busts of Baby Crunchy out of tofu and yogurt-covered raisins and then karate chops it repeatedly.
Hasek is the only goalie to win the trio of awards (Hart, Pearson, Vezina), but I believe that was only in Buffalo.
I love how you can use “but that was only in Buffalo” as a synonym for “but he didn’t win the cup.” No really, I love it. Really. No bitterness here… Nope.
Afinogenov really does have a mad-sweet accent. I couldn’t believe, the first time I heard it, that his voice was so deep. I mean he of all people looks like he should sound like a 12-year-old girl. And P&S, I need to thank you for making the Faye Dunaway connection, because it really is hilarious.
I can see Crunchy playing that Japanese Nail game (pachenko????) or something.
I can see him playing it poorly, then shooting a watery death glare at it as he stalks away, grumbling in that flat accent about how hard he has to work to be the very best pachenko player he can possibly be.
mmmm…tofu and yogurt covered raisins.
I heard that every time Crunchy gets drunk he sculpts busts of Baby Crunchy out of tofu and yogurt-covered raisins and then karate chops it repeatedly.
Okay, that made me laugh out loud.
I was going to cook something with tofu for dinner and I’m not sure I can handle it anymore.
I heard that every time Crunchy gets drunk he sculpts busts of Baby Crunchy out of tofu and yogurt-covered raisins and then karate chops it repeatedly.
8v:::::::: Wha? Why can’t I even figure those emoticons out?
I heard that every time Crunchy gets drunk he tries to get Goose to eat a bunch of ice cream so he’ll get fat.
I heard that every time Crunchy gets drunk he sculpts busts of Baby Crunchy out of tofu and yogurt-covered raisins and then karate chops it repeatedly.
i choked. on my tofu. I’m honestly eating tofu for my quick dinner before i head to volunteer service. except it’s not very appetizing anymore.
no yogurt-covered raisins though! just tofu miso soup.
I love miso when I am sick. It is the best.
Either that or he challenges everyone around him to bar games that he sucks at and refuses to let them leave until he wins.
“Ryan! For the last time, you’re not allowed to goaltend in beer pong!”
I heard that every time Crunchy gets drunk he tries to get Goose to eat a bunch of ice cream so he’ll get fat.
Goose has to make sure Crunchy is super-drunk so he doesn’t notice he’s ordering sugar- and fat-free ice cream. But if Crunchy finds out he gets so mad! He makes Goose get whipped cream, and sprinkles. “For extra fat, asshole,” he says, his death glare shooting through narrowed eyes. Crunchy’s not a lot of fun to hang out with.
no yogurt-covered raisins though! just tofu miso soup.
You know, that soup’s just not the same without the yogurt-covered raisins.
I heard that every time Crunchy gets drunk he tries to teach Pomminville to read.
I heard that every time Crunchy gets drunk he tries to teach Pomminville to read.
That’s Goose’s job. He’s done a PSA for reading to your kids. Its on YouTube somewhere.
Back to hockey related news, the Flames signed Mike Keenan as coach.
I keep picturing BabyCrunchy now as the indifferent-about-success type, kind of like the Simpsons episode where Bart on a whim decided to get super-good at jazz drumming, much to the chagrin of the much more studied Lisa.
BabyCrunchy: “Man, that was kinda cool, winning that Stanny Cup”
Crunchy: (grrrrr) “StanLEY Cup. StanLEY Cup.” (grrrr)
BabyCrunchy: “Uh, I’m pretty sure it’s Stanny. That Russian dude with the toaster set told me so.”
That’s Goose’s job. He’s done a PSA for reading to your kids.
Ah yes, the one where he all but says, “Give a hoot, read a book”. (What’s his line? Books are fundamental to reading?)
And on that note, it’s time for me to zip home, polish up the snark, and hope to God Schnookie and I can survive the Awards enough to liveblog the whole thing!
Back to hockey related news
What’s not hockey related about a drunk Crunchy? What, did you think he kept water in his goalie bottles?
Earl, you just won your “Comment That Made Schnookie Laugh Out Loud The Hardest” award.
And on that note, I’m off to clean my teapot (not a euphemism), go home, and make dinner. I’ll see some of you for the awards show, and some of you later. Have fun!
Sigh. I can really picture patient Goose pretends to eat the insanely huge ice cream sundae belligerent, drunk Crunchy forced him to order, all while trying to keep Pommerdoodle from licking the other patrons. Damn, poor Goose.
Ha! EARL!
“Uh, I’m pretty sure it’s Stanny. That Russian dude with the toaster set told me so.”
Man, I’m so glad that’s catching on.
Sherry, the toasters are here to stay.
I heard that every time Crunchy gets drunk he tries to teach Pomminville to read.
Really? You sure he doesn’t try to housetrain him?
Thanks Earl, now I’m picturing Ilya carting the toasters around everywhere with him.
And holy crap I forgot the awards were tonight. I’m going to have some very angry friends bitching when I’m late to seeing their band play.
Sherry, the toasters are here to stay.
They’d best me, although I don’t know how to rationalize Bryz eating them every morning. Perhaps he is part-hamster.
In fact, I bet he buys like, duck window-clings and sticks them to the toasters so he can claim they’re clearly vital equipment.
Oh god it just keeps going.
I’m sorry for all the typos, you should have seen me try to pronounce ‘Esposito’ this morning, it was pretty sad.
Oh god it just keeps going.
You say it like it’s a bad thing.
Off Topic, but is anyone else insanely curious about the Dicken’s themed park opening in England?
In fact, I bet he buys like, duck window-clings and sticks them to the toasters so he can claim they’re clearly vital equipment.
Unless he wants to really splurge and get it professionally painted like his facemask.
Oh he is painting that toaster.
Ilya watches infomercials for toasters like most people watch those “for 17 cents a day, you too can support a little Vietnamese child” commercials.
Ilya watches infomercials for toasters like most people watch those “for 17 cents a day, you too can support a little Vietnamese child” commercials.
Yeah, at first when he watched those Joe Thornton buttering toast commercials, his first reaction was to dial 9-1-1.
Oh that would be one brilliant phone conversation.
And Oil, does that mean we get special features where he explains what he painted on his toaster?
Bryz doesn’t need 9-1-1….he’s a superhero, y’know, like Darkwing Duck.
Ok…sob story….Jiggys little baby son has a deformed left eye. Just had surgery.
Steph, it would be expected.
Deformed right eye. Left is just fine. People need to stop telling me about this, because I can’t hate Jiggy if I feel sorry for him.
Jiggy is ok. I mean……in comparison to other more hated goalies like Hasek and Emery (please add additional here)
True that. Everything is relative I suppose.
Bryz’s baby has a deformed left breadhole, but technicians are confident they can restore it to 60% functionality.
“It won’t be able to toast sliced bread, but I wouldn’t rule out the possibility of toasted pita.”
bagel like perhaps?
Okay can’t you just picture him dressed up like Darkwing Duck?
This all makes me nostalgic for that animated film The Brave Little Toaster. That movie was special even before yesterday.
YES. Steph…..completely with Toaster under one arm……
Oh God. I just looked at Luongo’s stats. I am older then him.
Oh my god I can’t stop laughing. Earl gets the comment award for at least however long we’re talking about Bryz.
Oh man Brave Little Toaster. At night, Ilya wraps the toasters up in the Darkwing Duck cape, settles them in his lap, and watches that movie, interspersed with Ducks in Russian.
Oh I bet he has The Brave Little Toaster translated.
For community service, Bryzgalov goes door-to-door in his neighborhood, collecting Foreman grills, blenders, egg beaters, and coffeemakers and then takes them all camping.
Even skeptics have to admit that their appliances come back with a renewed sense of self-esteem.
Earl….Stop….you are killing me here…..worse I can’t even explain it to anyone to make any sense…….they all think I am crazy!
His day with the cup is going to involve being prominently displayed on his kitchen counter with the toasters sitting in it, isn’t it?
Oil, I KNOW! You know, this is one of those things that I think at least Elly could appreciate, even having not been here (and as my partner in crime, of course she’d be subject to hearing about it anyway), but her computer seems to have exploded so outside of this thread I have no one!
Luckily you guys are a great toaster support group.
I am sure there will be some sort of toaster rally or something
Bryz of course now is a very religious man, ever since he was struck by a vision of heaven while staring at an old macintosh screensaver.
Oh please tell me that’s an afterdark flying toasters reference.
Bryz’s baby has a deformed left breadhole, but technicians are confident they can restore it to 60% functionality.
Earl, if I ever again go a single day without using the word “breadhole”, I will consider my life a failure.
Earl, if I ever again go a single day without using the word “breadhole”, I will consider my life a failure.
Heh, I was thinking the same thing about “deformed left breadhole”, though that certainly poses a daily challenge.
I second that. Or…third, or whatever the case may be.
Oh well, I suppose BryzgaLove will get shelved for another day.
I’m outta here soon, and won’t be back until late tonight. Have fun with the awards! Oh, and a personal request? Let me know how good or bad Pahlsson looks all dressed up.
Gotta support the man-crush.
Have fun Earl! We will keep our eyes out for you.
Well everyone, I’m off to grocery shop, see just how boring the awards can be this year, and then catch a band at my friends’ place. Should I see Pahlsson I will make sure the information gets passed along, Earl.
Also, BryzgaLove made me inexplicably happy. I thought you should know.
I know it’s wrong, and I’m only setting myself up for crushing disappointment, but I’m getting kind of excited for the awards.
Heather I listened to the entire Lindy Ruff press conference this morning in the hopes that suddenly Chris Drury would walk in and there would be a big “Surprise! Chris Drury has signed lifetime contract!”, but no dice. I’m starting to get scared.
Mr. B. and I joked for weeks that the hold up was getting EVERYONE signed so they could just have a Lindy-Darcy-Chris-Danny press conference to save time. This morning I discovered I had kind of fooled myself into thinking that might happen because I was really bummed. Still I think they break the bank to keep one of the captains if need be.
We feel very strongly at my house that Max and Goose somehow ended up with each other’s voices.
I’m way late, but yesterday you were all talking about Trixie Belden and Cam Jansen and such. My favorite mystery solver as a child was Nancy Drew.
But then today Earl Sleek brings up Shirley Jackson and I just went straight back to the sixth grade. I read a series of books by her about her family and I loved them. I remember laughing out loud until tears ran down my face at some of the stuff her little kids did.
Then, the next year, when I was 12, I found this Shirley Jackson book called, The Lottery, and thought it would be hilarious, just like all her other ones. Um… not exactly. Scared me to death. But, I loved it and then read all her scary ones that year. Luckily, there was no parental approval requirement.
By the way, speaking of laughing to the point of tears, I love this blog.
And I want to thank Earl (whose blog I also love) for finding you for me.
What is going on?? What aren’t the awards on Versus? What is this TapOut crap?
Have a good night, I am leaving work now and I will chat with you all later!
Grace, the awards don’t start til 4:30
Ah. 7:30. Oops!
Thanks, Andrew. For about 3 minutes, I was the Most Unpleasant Person on Earth.
Hockey withdrawls are the worst. You know it’s bad when you’re jonesing for the awards show.
Hi Patty in Dallas! It’s so delightful to hear from you, and welcome to IPB. (And thanks, Earl, for leading Patty here…)
Hi Patty! Welcome to IPB.
Although the NHL awards show has had moments of lameness in the past, I remember one year (2003? 2004?) they had Buck 65 DJ the ceremony. That was awesome. I know he’s probably one the more well known DJ’s from Canada, but he’s fairly obscure except amongst underground hip-hop fans, and he rules.
and please excuse my writing today. I have been really ill the last couple of days and I just managed to drag myself into work today. I am still totally woozy. Can’t quite articulate my thoughts.
Thanks! I’ll try not to be too touchy about stabs at the Stars.
This morning I discovered I had kind of fooled myself into thinking that might happen because I was really bummed.
The Buffalo News is evil. When I opened the sports section this morning, I almost spat my OJ all over it when I read the headline “Contract signings to precede awards show.” And then when I realized they were talking about Ruff and Regier, and not Chris and Danny, I was so bummed. (Not that I don’t love Lindy and Darcy or anything.)
We feel very strongly at my house that Max and Goose somehow ended up with each other’s voices.
Ha! Heather I could get behind this theory, too. Actually, now that I’ve watched that Goose reading PSA (whoever wrote/let him say “books are the foundation of reading” needs a new job) I’m convinced that he’s actually a ventriloquist. His mouth barely moves, but somehow the words come out.
Welcome, Patty! I’m going to apoligize in advance for any Stars bitterness which comes your way. Buffalo fans can’t really help it.
And what the hell? Why is this Tapout bull still on?
Oh my god I don’t think I can express properly in words just how utterly obnoxious this show that is still happening is.
Thanks! I’ll try not to be too touchy about stabs at the Stars.
Prizes for touchiness range from Bailey’s to IPBailey’s.
BGM,
Does it bother Sabres fans if Stars fans like the Sabres? I also wonder this about Oilers fans.
It might bother me if Red Wings fans liked the Stars, so I’d understand.
Does it bother Sabres fans if Stars fans like the Sabres?
I can’t speak for Sabres fans as a whole (except about the whole hating the Stars thing–that’s universal), but it doesn’t particularly bother me. I mean, why shouldn’t you like us? We rule. And it’s not like WE stole the Cup from YOU with a bogus overtime goal or anything… Hee. Seriously, I don’t feel any animosity toward the Rangers or the Isles right now (or at least, not any more than usual), so I wouldn’t expect you to have any lingering hatred for a team just because you beat them in a playoff series back in ’99. And honestly… That was way back in, like, the 1900s, so it’s probably time to burry the hatchet by now. Except we won’t. Because we’re from Buffalo, and we still haven’t won the Cup.