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Reasons We Love Hockey Part 5

The fifth in our 118-part series:

Jay Pandolfo

The scene: it’s preseason, 1996, and the denizens of stately IPB Manor are attending their first Devils game as season-ticketholders, and only our second-ever Devils game in person. We decide after the typically uninteresting preseason match ends to wander the grounds a bit, get the lay of the land in our new home away from home. And as we circle the CAA, we come upon the players’ entrance, where a scant handful of fans is standing and waiting for the scant handful of actual NHLers who are at the arena that night. We decide, as newbies, to wait a few minutes (this was the first and last time we ever did this, because, well, asking hockey players for autographs is a really unrewarding social interaction). And before long one of the rookies emerges from the arena, is not stopped by any fans for autographs, strides across the sidewalk to his cranberry-red Explorer, and drives off. Despite not having a very clear idea of his identity, we decide he was Jay Pandolfo, and for some reason, seeing him that night makes us kind of feel like we were all rookies together at the same time. He proceeds to spend the next three seasons making very little impression on the big squad while honing his game in the AHL in Albany.

The scene: it’s January, 2000. The Devils are in Detroit, playing one of those regular-season games that feels like a playoff game. The Devils have had too many guys on their roster all year, and Pando is one of the interchangeable forwards who has been scrapping to get a permanent place in the lineup. He is skating tonight, and remains, with the exception of that sighting at our first game, completely off our radar. He’s always seemed like a nobody to us; a guy who, when asked once if he golfs, said he does, but only because he wants to fit in with the other players on the team. He just smacks of wallflower, the kid none of the cool kids want to have to hang out with. But back to the game… At one point Pando and his linemate Sergei Brylin both head deep into Detroit’s zone to chase a puck (this was, apparently, back in the ancient times when Pando went deep into the offensive zone. He clearly learned his lesson), and in typical Pando fashion, he somehow ends up smashing head-first into the glass. It looks at first like maybe he was boarded, but there aren’t any Red Wings around — it is more like he somehow conspired to nearly kill himself in the most embarrassing manner possible: by tripping over his own feet all while being crunched hard into the boards by the smallest player on his own team. The long and the short of it is, though, that his massive forehead gets split wide open. The Wings skate away from the incident with the puck, dart down the ice, and score on the play. All hell breaks loose. The Devils are furious that a goal was scored because the play was clearly offsides. Then-Devils coach Robbie Ftorek famously throws the bench onto the ice in protest. The linesmen later admit they weren’t paying attention and missed the offsides call because they were so distracted by Pando, who had picked himself up from where he’d been bulldozed and skated, under his own power, back to the Devils bench with torrents of blood streaming down the front of his face and onto the ice. He is immediately rushed into the dressing room for repairs, but Ftorek, in his screaming fit at the officials, demands to know why the whistle wasn’t blown when Pando went down, and decides to drag Pando out of the dressing room to show off to the refs exactly how demolished his face is right now. So Pando comes back out of the dressing room, rivers of blood still gushing out of his forehead, and stands there with this hilarious hang-dog look on his face, like, “Yeah, Coach, whatever you need, I’ll do.” (Except Pando says, “Whatevah you need,” because he has an awesome Boston accent.) And it is in this moment that we realized we’ve been wrong about Pando. He isn’t a loser. He isn’t a nobody. He isn’t an interchangeable part. He is a winner. He is a god. He is THE interchangeable part. And we love him.

PandoNation was born that night.

After getting 84 stitches in his forehead and spending a little roster-clearing time on the IR, Pando emerged as a regular in the lineup, and he and John Madden asserted themselves in that Spring’s Stanley Cup run as the preeminent pair of checking forwards in the league. Madden — modestly high-scoring for a defensive center — got a lot of the credit in the early going, but if you really paid attention to the way they played, it was clear that Pando was the straw that stirred the drink. He didn’t score much, he wasn’t the guy going head-to-head with the big-name scoring centers, but he was the motor. And his unimpeachable positioning and smarts made it possible for Madden to take the occasional gamble shorthanded.

Over the years PandoNation has swelled in numbers. First it was his teammates, who just keep handing him the “Unsung Hero” award each season, then it was John Davidson on MSG, then it was Doc… and now it’s enough people with influence that he actually got to be a finalist for the Selke Trophy. What he’s done over the last seven years is really staggering; ever-so-quietly, without ever trying to drag attention to himself, he’s established this relentless, selfless game. He never gets a shift off — he’d probably never want one — and every time he takes the ice it’s with the sole purpose of shutting down the other team’s superstars. Other defensive forwards earn their praise by going down to block shots, or winning big faceoffs, or scoring shorties, or throwing big hits. Pando does none of these things. He is an average skater with a lousy shot, so he spends his time on the ice outthinking his opponents. He plays the angles, controls what the other guy can do with the ice he’s given. Pando doesn’t want the puck — he’s happy to let the other team skate all night with it, because he’ll make sure they don’t ever get a decent shot or scoring chance. And he does all of this without taking penalties. When he’s on his game he’s invisible, but in such a way that he makes the big guns he’s skating against invisible too. Pando is, in short, subtly awesome.

For how selfless his play on the ice is, it’s no surprise that Pando is the very picture of “team-first” attitude. He shies away from interviews, and when asked about his personal accomplishments, squirms and demurs that he’s gotten to this point in his career thanks to the great play of his teammates and to his coaches. When his contract comes up for renegotiation, he must be Lou’s favorite guy to have to deal with. We would not be surprised to find out that Pando would prefer to skate without a name on his sweater. Or a number. Just a second Devils logo on his back. And he’s always been like this: back in his high school days at Burlington High School in Massachusetts he and his teammates decided to get their numbers shaved into their hair in the lead-up to a big game. Pando’s barber, though, screwed up and shaved his number 9 backwards onto his head. (This is the part in the retelling where we thought to ourselves, “Nice try, Pando, blaming a ‘barber’. Way to not be able to shave a 9 into your hair right, loser.”) But Pando was not at all concerned. He just had that backwards 9 turned into a “B” for Burlington. And he probably felt a lot more comfortable that way, too.

314 Responses to “Reasons We Love Hockey Part 5”

  1. on June 15, 2007 at 5:42 pm Earl Sleek

    What a great honor. I’m very sure Rod Brind’Amour would be happy to accept this accolade.


  2. on June 15, 2007 at 5:47 pm Schnookie

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Brind’Amour can have his fucking Selke, but he can’t have Pando’s “Reason We Love Hockey”!


  3. on June 15, 2007 at 5:53 pm Jordi

    Awwww, it’s wonderful. Especially Boston accents.


  4. on June 15, 2007 at 5:57 pm Pookie

    Especially Boston accents.

    We’re so immature about Boston accents that whenever any player or announcer says anything Boston-ish, Schnookie, Boomer and I all say, in unison, “WHAT?!” and then collapse into paroxysms of giggles. It just never wears off. Of particular joy to us is that the Devils awarded Pando the “Players Player” award last year; we’ve been laughing over “Play-ah’s Play-ah” even since.


  5. on June 15, 2007 at 6:51 pm american oil

    Fuck me.

    Give me a card. Member of the PandoNation.

    Damn.


  6. on June 15, 2007 at 6:52 pm american oil

    I may just like the Devils yet (not that I disliked them, I just never really cared)


  7. on June 15, 2007 at 7:03 pm Amy

    We would not be surprised to find out that Pando would prefer to skate without a name on his sweater. Or a number. Just a second Devils logo on his back.

    All I could think of when I read this is the line from Miracle: When you pull on the jersey, the name on the front is a heck of a lot more important than the name on the back. I wish more athletes lived by that credo.


  8. on June 15, 2007 at 7:06 pm Patty

    Give me a card. Member of the PandoNation.

    I’d like a card, too, as long as I don’t have to give up my Jere Lehtinen card.

    Very nice post. Brought a tear.


  9. on June 15, 2007 at 7:12 pm Patty

    I’m getting a mental picture of Ftorek yanking him around by his upper arm while yelling at the refs.

    Reminds me of my mom dragging me and my sisters out of the grocery store because we kept running up and down the aisles. “How many TIMES (yank) do I have to TELL YOU (yank) to BEHAVE! (yank!)”

    Ftorek: And my PLAYER (yank) gets smashed into the BOARDS! (yank) and there’s no WHISTLE! (yank!)

    Poor Pando.


  10. on June 15, 2007 at 7:14 pm american oil

    Patty….

    :^::::::::::::::::::

    I can completely see that.


  11. on June 15, 2007 at 7:25 pm Earl Sleek

    Poor Pando.

    You should have seen his wife. She could barely lick clean her fishbone that night, and the mournful clicking that followed was heart-wrenching.


  12. on June 15, 2007 at 7:35 pm Patty

    Earl, that brought a tear, too, but a different kind.


  13. on June 15, 2007 at 8:06 pm Sherry

    Sleek is on a roll.

    In between Pando’s raccoon wife and Bryz’s toaster family, I’m surprised we haven’t been hit with any libel suits yet.


  14. on June 15, 2007 at 9:17 pm Steph

    Since toasters just got brought up yet again, I think it needs to be noted that I finally arrived at my parents’ house, booted up my computer, wandered over to my regular haunts, and got hit with the parent-toaster conference bit and nearly busted a gut laughing. Everyone in this house things I am insane (which was probably always the case, but.)


  15. on June 15, 2007 at 10:27 pm Vinny

    In between Pando’s raccoon wife and Bryz’s toaster family, I’m surprised we haven’t been hit with any libel suits yet.

    maybe we need a few more “complex mythologies” =D.

    PandoPost made me teary. PandoNation citizens must be proud. Is there an Oath/Pledge of ___ that I have to read for citizenship?


  16. on June 15, 2007 at 10:32 pm Schnookie

    Vinny, citizenship is easy to attain; all you need to do to be issued your PandoNation passport is to raise your right hand and proclaim, “I pledge to support the playahs’ playah.” It’s just that easy!


  17. on June 15, 2007 at 10:35 pm Earl Sleek

    It’s just that easy!

    So I shaved a 9 in my hair for nothing?!


  18. on June 15, 2007 at 10:38 pm Sherry

    So I shaved a 9 in my hair for nothing?!

    We clearly need photographic evidence of this.

    Anyhoos I’m heading to Ottawa/Montreal for the weekend to be around people who won’t mock me still for wearing my Senators hat :P

    Have a good weekend everybody.


  19. on June 15, 2007 at 10:44 pm Patty

    So I shaved a 9 in my hair for nothing?!

    Hilarious!


  20. on June 15, 2007 at 10:46 pm Schnookie

    Have a great weekend, Sherry!

    Earl, just turn that 9 in your hair into a “D” for Ducks. That’s what Pando would do!


  21. on June 15, 2007 at 10:47 pm Patty

    Have a good weekend, Sherry!


  22. on June 15, 2007 at 11:20 pm Earl Sleek

    Anyhoos I’m heading to Ottawa/Montreal for the weekend to be around people who won’t mock me still for wearing my Senators hat :P

    It’s true. Somehow it’s always better to be mocked as part of a larger community than to be mocked as an individual. :P

    Have a good weekend, Sherry!


  23. on June 15, 2007 at 11:31 pm emme

    Aw, that’s sweet. But I gotta’ know - what do you have against Brind’Amour?


  24. on June 15, 2007 at 11:37 pm Steph

    Are there things not to have against Brind’Amour?

    And have a good time Sherry! Man, our numbers are dwindling.


  25. on June 15, 2007 at 11:37 pm american oil

    Earl — PP is watching the original Mighty Ducks on CartoonNetwork….oh the pains in my house.


  26. on June 15, 2007 at 11:41 pm emme

    Steph,

    Eh, Rod’s a pretty decent guy, a relatively solid player all over the ice. He just has an unfortunate post-hockey face.


  27. on June 15, 2007 at 11:42 pm american oil

    and the perfect quote for Oilers fan’s

    Bombay: “You think losing is funny?”
    Averman: “Well, not at first, but once you get the hang of it.”


  28. on June 15, 2007 at 11:45 pm Gambler

    That’s it… I’m sold completely. This is the kind of guy I need on my team. (Not the Sabres, mind you. Just my team… of life.)

    we’ve been laughing over “Play-ah’s Play-ah” even since.

    Sweet! Now that I can pretend Pando is actually JFK from Clone High, I doubly love him!

    Oh, and if you’re wondering just who in the hell this is, it’s the artist formerly known as BGM (the G stands for Gamble: That’s right, everyone, Gamble is my middle name. I’m just that cool.) I’ve started my own hockey blog out of desperation (it’s called “Desperation Hockey,” I’m clever like that), and I’m writing under the new moniker Gambler. For the sake of organisation and clarity, I thought I better switch it here, too. Everyone has an open invitation to check it out, but I should probably warn you that it’s not half so much fun as here.


  29. on June 15, 2007 at 11:49 pm Schnookie

    emme, I have no problem with Brind’Amour as a player, but I do have a problem with the suggestion that he was a better defensive forward than Pando (or Pahlsson) this season. He most patently was not. Which is probably why he sounded so chagrined while accepting the Selke. :P


  30. on June 15, 2007 at 11:50 pm emme

    Ach, can’t disagree with you there. Rod’s a personal favorite of mine - since he was in college - the loyalty goes way back.


  31. on June 15, 2007 at 11:51 pm american oil

    I completely agree with you Schnookie. Brind’Amour is a great player, but he didn’t play to the caliber this year of Pando or Pahlsson (or quite frankly even others). It was disappointing to see the Selke go to him.


  32. on June 15, 2007 at 11:51 pm Schnookie

    Gambler (if that really is your name), you totally had us just get all excited — “New reader! New reader!” Damn you! (Just kidding!) I’m glad you clarified that you’d like Pando on your team “…of life” because I would die — die — at the suggestion he play anywhere other than the Devils. (And mimicking the accent is even more fun than doing Sid’s voice. We love pulling out our best Mayor Quimby when Pando’s on the TV.)


  33. on June 15, 2007 at 11:53 pm american oil

    Stop…you are making me consider a trip to the East next year just to watch a game with you guys!!! Although I would probably laugh myself into a stupor (or is that drink myself into one????)


  34. on June 15, 2007 at 11:59 pm Vinny

    You know, in Brind’Amour’s defense, he probably had the best speech of the night. At least people chuckled

    or it at least had some semblance of chuckling. plus he teased his kid!


  35. on June 15, 2007 at 11:59 pm Steph

    Oil - why not both!?


  36. on June 16, 2007 at 12:00 am american oil

    Brilliant plan Steph…


  37. on June 16, 2007 at 12:06 am Gambler

    Gambler (if that really is your name)

    I don’t care if you don’t believe me, because I know the truth. And the truth is that I’m the coolest kid in any casino I go to.

    I’m glad you clarified that you’d like Pando on your team “…of life” because I would die — die — at the suggestion he play anywhere other than the Devils.

    I know, that’s why I was very careful to add the “… of life.” I wouldn’t dream of taking him away from you. Because… you know, I have that power. I’m secretly a GM (the BGM actually stands for Bruins General Manager (or is it Managah?)) (Just kidding, the G is really for Gamble (trust me.))


  38. on June 16, 2007 at 12:08 am Steph

    OKAY YOU GUYS. I forgot that the east side of the state means I can get COFFEE CRISP. Oh my god nothing has ever tasted so good.

    And I certainly thought so :) I’ll even supply, I’ll need a place to stay out there when I finally invade…er…visit. That’s it. Visit. :b


  39. on June 16, 2007 at 12:11 am Schnookie

    Stop…you are making me consider a trip to the East next year just to watch a game with you guys!!!

    When our kitchen remodel is finished, we’ll consider building an amphitheater so that we can charge admission for one and all to come and enjoy watching a game with us. We’ll call it the IPB Experience, and we’ll charge steep admission fees (not payable in IPBucks).


  40. on June 16, 2007 at 12:14 am american oil

    Well if I am traversing across the country (literally) then I might as well pay the cost!


  41. on June 16, 2007 at 12:15 am american oil

    it can’t possibly cost me more then what it has cost me to spend the past 2 1/2 hours watching Mighty Ducks with PP.


  42. on June 16, 2007 at 12:18 am american oil

    oh shit…the flying V


  43. on June 16, 2007 at 12:25 am american oil

    I have successfully in one flying V killed the comment thread. I shall pitifully hang my head in shame.


  44. on June 16, 2007 at 12:30 am Steph

    Flying V holds terrible memories of having it yelled at me via expensive cell phone calls from Canada (my friends are jerks) every time the Ducks scored on us during that series.


  45. on June 16, 2007 at 12:47 am Schnookie

    Well, because there are so many of you still yammering away in here, we’ll give you a heads up that it’s bedtime at IPB Manor. So don’t be sitting up waiting to hear from us, because we won’t be back until morning. (I know, I know, it’s so sad to hear… Parting truly is such sweet sorrow.)


  46. on June 16, 2007 at 1:11 am Earl Sleek

    it can’t possibly cost me more then what it has cost me to spend the past 2 1/2 hours watching Mighty Ducks with PP.

    Per IPB tradition, I believe PP owes you some Baileys.


  47. on June 16, 2007 at 1:35 am Grace

    Anyone still awake? West Coasters?


  48. on June 16, 2007 at 1:45 am Steph

    How about East Coasters who cannot seem to comprehend normal sleeping patterns?


  49. on June 16, 2007 at 1:49 am Steph

    Or Mid-Westers, really, but it’s all the same timezone anyway :b


  50. on June 16, 2007 at 1:55 am Grace

    Yay! (But sorry about your insomnia.)

    Where in the Midwest are you typing from, Steph? I’m in Boston. And I had a medium iced coffee from Dunkin’ Donuts at 10pm.

    Woohoo. I should be good for the next four hours or so.


  51. on June 16, 2007 at 2:00 am Grace

    Oops, sorry. It didn’t occur to me to click on the link. So have you had a chance to hit the sale yet? Or is that tomorrow’s plan?


  52. on June 16, 2007 at 2:31 am Grace

    (in best penguin imitation) Dooby dooby doo…


  53. on June 16, 2007 at 4:52 am Grace

    Okay, the caffeine is finally wearing off. I will make one last plug for Creature Comforts (click on video) before I go. (Keep in mind that the interviews were done before the claymation.)


  54. on June 16, 2007 at 6:21 am Earl Sleek

    Anyone still awake? West Coasters?

    Yeszzzzzzzzzzz.

    BTW: Mononoke and Spirited tonight. Both were awesome.

    Good night.

    –Earl Sleep


  55. on June 16, 2007 at 8:30 am Jordi

    Screw you, I need coffee. A nice cappucino. One that doesn’t remind me that it’s 10:30 PM. Time to see what’s cooking with the funny Italian dude on the food channel!


  56. on June 16, 2007 at 11:06 am Schnookie

    Anyone still awake? West Coasters?

    So, in that same vein, anyone newly awake? East (or West) Coasters? International readers?


  57. on June 16, 2007 at 11:10 am Grace

    Unbelievably, I am. Although I don’t know if I want to be!


  58. on June 16, 2007 at 11:13 am Schnookie

    We might be unhappily awake (I, too, am wondering what I’m doing out of bed before 1 PM), but at least we don’t have it as bad as Pookie, who has to work today. Who knew being a librarian was such a sucky, demanding gig? I know I thought it just involved wearing your hair in a bun and shushing people a lot.


  59. on June 16, 2007 at 11:14 am Earl Sleek

    I’m up, but I’m also getting dressed. Out the door in a half hour.

    My being up this early would be more impressive if my late late late night message didn’t get eaten by Senor Spam.


  60. on June 16, 2007 at 11:18 am Schnookie

    My being up this early would be more impressive if my late late late night message didn’t get eaten by Senor Spam.

    Sorry! It’s not like we can be checking Senor Spam when we’re sleeping can we? Or do you expect us now to wake up on hourly rotations to make sure the spam filter isn’t being assy in our absences? (Everyone, go check out Earl’s late late late night dedication to the IPBCommunity in comment 54.)


  61. on June 16, 2007 at 11:19 am Grace

    Pookie has to work?! Now that is just wrong. Every Saturday morning?

    Hey Earl, how was the Miyazaki Marathon?


  62. on June 16, 2007 at 11:22 am Schnookie

    Pookie has to work 1 (and sometimes 2) full-day Saturdays a month. It’s terrible. Except for the comp days she gets, generally the following Monday, which makes it very nice for me to meet her for lunch during my workday. (Yes, the typical “one of us has work and the other doesn’t” day for us entails the one not working getting up early to spend all day IMing with the one who is working. And we meet for lunch if I’m the one stuck in the office. Because we never, ever seem to run out of crap to talk about.)


  63. on June 16, 2007 at 11:23 am Grace

    Oh, I haven’t watched Spirited yet. I caught a late showing of Ocean’s Thirteen, though. It was pretty good, but not as good as the first one, I think.


  64. on June 16, 2007 at 11:26 am Pookie

    The suckiness of having to be here at work was somewhat mitigated by the first question I was asked today: the shyest, nicest, quietest patron we have asked me, “Do you have any Rick James CDs?” So I’ve been able to pass the morning wondering what the guy would have said if I’d responded with what I wanted to say. “I’m Rick James, bitch!”


  65. on June 16, 2007 at 11:27 am Schnookie

    I think Ocean’s Thirteen is going into our Netflix queue, but I’m glad to hear it’s pretty good. I actually enjoyed the second one — am I the only person on the planet who did?


  66. on June 16, 2007 at 11:27 am Earl Sleek

    Hey Earl, how was the Miyazaki Marathon?

    I was really, really blown away by Mononoke. Beautiful. That said, it’s not the best introduction to Miyazake–it really helps that I already know all the characters and what they’re up to (sometimes that gets tricky). I was going to do a sudoku during the movie but had to put it away in the first three minutes–there’s no sidebar activities allowed in Mononoke (especially with English subtitles–I refuse to watch Billy Bob Thorton and Jada Pinket Smith try to belong in feudal Japan).

    Spirited Away was really good too, but I’ve seen this movie a ton. It’s really the movie people should watch if they’ve never seen Miyazaki–at least the storyline is probably easiest to follow (if you can remember that Yubaba has a twin sister), and the resolution probably feels the most American :). This is a movie I think especially Sherry should see, as it’s about a girl named Sen who learns the value of hard work while stuck in another world. I didn’t use it, but I do think the English dubbing on this film (and on Howl’s) are pretty good, actually, if you’re so inclined.

    Then my roommate got home and didn’t want to watch Howl’s, so that’s postponed.

    Yay Miyazaki!


  67. on June 16, 2007 at 11:28 am Grace

    Because we never, ever seem to run out of crap to talk about.

    Schnookie, that is adorable. Send her our love. (Er, although she can probably read this page as easily as you can IM her.)


  68. on June 16, 2007 at 11:33 am american oil

    PP and I are now awake. I am currently trying to get rid of my headache from an evening of Mighty Ducks.


  69. on June 16, 2007 at 11:33 am Schnookie

    I just wrote a little comment about how lame it was that Pookie’s been logged in since 9 and hadn’t left a comment yet, but then I noticed she snuck in at number 64. Hi Pookie!


  70. on June 16, 2007 at 11:34 am Schnookie

    And hi, a.oil!


  71. on June 16, 2007 at 11:35 am Grace

    Pookie, I would just love to spend a day inside your head.

    Schnookie: Yes, you are the only person on earth who liked the second one.

    Earl: I think Spirited Away was spoiled for me because I watched it in Japanese class, without subtitles and armed only with a meager vocabulary list. Kind of took the fun out of it, which is why I’m looking forward to seeing it again.


  72. on June 16, 2007 at 11:37 am Grace

    Hi a.oil! Did you end up doing a MD Marathon? Because I think that deserves some sort of award.


  73. on June 16, 2007 at 11:38 am Earl Sleek

    Grace, you speak (some) Japanese?

    Between Miyazaki and my nonsense Katamari soundtracks, that’s the language that seems to have been kicking me lately for not knowing it.

    Well, Korean, too. But that’s been kicking me most my life.


  74. on June 16, 2007 at 11:38 am american oil

    Yes, PP has all three movies, so after the first one on TV she had to move on to the D2 and D3.


  75. on June 16, 2007 at 11:39 am Grace

    Sorry, Schnookie, I didn’t mean for that last comment to be so curt.


  76. on June 16, 2007 at 11:42 am Schnookie

    I’m deeply wounded, Grace. My love of “Ocean’s Twelve” is deep and incredibly enriching. :P


  77. on June 16, 2007 at 11:43 am Grace

    Quick, someone give a oil a medal! Or a gold star! Something!

    Earl, I took two years of Japanese in college and spent the year after graduation at a language program in Yokohama (Tokyo metro area). Sadly, disuse since then has led to severe atrophy, though consequent time in Korea and China (in a mostly Korean-speaking environment) improved my Korean (sort of).


  78. on June 16, 2007 at 11:45 am Grace

    S: : P


  79. on June 16, 2007 at 11:46 am Schnookie

    a.oil gets 500,000 IPBucks and a commendation for “Valor Above And Beyond The Call Of Duty In The Service Of Being A Hockey Parent”.


  80. on June 16, 2007 at 11:47 am Grace

    *standing o*


  81. on June 16, 2007 at 11:48 am Earl Sleek

    Grace, Yokohama was featured in two Ghibli films — Pompoko and Whisper of the Heart. Both those movies are unforgettable, but I won’t tell you which one is unforgettable in a good way.

    Anyway, I’m outta here for a while. Be back this afternoon, I think!


  82. on June 16, 2007 at 11:49 am american oil

    Why thank you. I must admit last night was more painful then the hours (and I mean HOURS) spent in an ice rink every week.


  83. on June 16, 2007 at 11:49 am Schnookie

    Bye Earl! Have a good day!


  84. on June 16, 2007 at 11:50 am Grace

    Okay, Earl, you just scared me with your level of otaku-ness. ; ) Catch you later!


  85. on June 16, 2007 at 11:52 am Schnookie

    I guess, a.oil, that I shouldn’t admit here that we once voluntarily watched MD 1 and 2 back-to-back because we were so starved for hockey content during an offseason…


  86. on June 16, 2007 at 11:54 am Pookie

    A-Oil, your dedication knows no bounds. When PP is a moody teenager, we’ll remind her of the sacrifices you made for her — I mean, all 3 MD in a row?!? That’s cruel and unusual.

    And hello to everyone up and at ‘em and reading IPB! Sorry it took me so long to comment. I was doing my favorite library job — throwing out books! Heh heh heh.


  87. on June 16, 2007 at 11:54 am american oil

    So other then the hokey jokes and crazy weirdness that MD is, for a kids movie, it really isn’t that bad (for kids to watch). Still 6+ hours of it……REALLY BAD.


  88. on June 16, 2007 at 11:55 am Grace

    Wow.


  89. on June 16, 2007 at 11:56 am american oil

    I will expect you all to back me up during moody teenage years about the amazing parent I am. MD….gah.


  90. on June 16, 2007 at 11:58 am Schnookie

    Pookie has just reminded me, a.oil, of how we cleansed our brains after watching the Mighty Duck movies. We chased them with “Showgirls”. Did you try that last night? It really makes you aware of the high quality of the MD films.


  91. on June 16, 2007 at 12:03 pm american oil

    No actually I didn’t, maybe that would have helped. I did however grab and old candy for your mind horribly written romance novel, that should have done it?

    Today is a major packing day here. PP and I are about to become homeless. We have yet to find a suitable place to live and we have to be out of here by next Saturday, so, we are putting all of our stuff into storage and moving into the basement of a hockey friend. I really hate moving. Gah.


  92. on June 16, 2007 at 12:11 pm Schnookie

    Oh god, a.oil — the housing situation is so awful! You have my neverending sympathy. When we moved out to AZ we had to spend 6 weeks living in our great-aunt’s house, with our 4 cats living in her garage. It was dreadful. I will direct all my “happy househunting” mental vibes your way.

    (And horribly-written romance novels? Love ‘em!)


  93. on June 16, 2007 at 12:12 pm Grace

    I feel for you, oil. The only thing worse than packing everything up is unpacking afterward. Yuck.


  94. on June 16, 2007 at 12:13 pm Schnookie

    Packing and unpacking BLOW. We moved into stately IPB Manor over 1 1/2 years ago, and our garage is still full of boxes of books that are probably never going to be unpacked. (Not to mention the boxes of china in our guest room that have been saved for the kitchen remodel to get finished up. It’s 20 months and counting on that front…)


  95. on June 16, 2007 at 12:14 pm american oil

    Before I happily divorced my husband we did our moves with a moving company. They came in and packed and then unpacked. It is about the only thing I miss about my marriage.


  96. on June 16, 2007 at 12:18 pm american oil

    And horribly-written romance novels? Love ‘em!

    I am a crazy reader, pretty much anything I can get my hands on. Not real particular, since I tend to go through books like water, my reading taste has become quite basic. Does it have a Title? Does it have words? Great. I will read it.


  97. on June 16, 2007 at 12:18 pm Schnookie

    We actually bought stately IPB Manor with the intention of moving Boomer back here from the desert. So she hired a moving company to pack her stuff up, and when we got around to unpacking it we couldn’t figure out what they’d done. They did the most haphazard and random job — it was like they smashed up every room in her house and just jumbled all the objects in them together. And they broke her nice globe, by packing it in a box with a heavy, sharp-cornered bookend. Jerks.


  98. on June 16, 2007 at 12:21 pm Schnookie

    I am a crazy reader, pretty much anything I can get my hands on.

    I used to be much more voracious (limiting my reading pretty much to romance and non-fiction), but then I finally read a romance novel so poorly written that I got angry, declared, “Hell, I can do better than that”, and started writing. No, the romance novel I wrote was no better, and, obviously, will never be published. But now I have a tendency to park myself in front of the computer rather than reading. And what do I write? IPB content and such socially redeemable works as “Shattuck Boys” and “Chasing Sidney”. I think I need to start reading more.


  99. on June 16, 2007 at 12:21 pm american oil

    You have to be really careful. We have had them pack trashcans with trash in them. Once we bought donuts for the movers and us and they actually packed them! The worst was the time we moved to Hawaii and they packed all of our important documents (birth certificates, plane information, etc). I was pregnant with PP at the time and it had all my medical documents that I had to give to the doctors once I arrived in Hawaii. Might I add, moving 7 months pregnant is not a good plan.


  100. on June 16, 2007 at 12:21 pm Steph

    Grace - sorry I fell asleep on you last night, I was watching a recording of the awards show since I didn’t catch it Saturday and yep, it really was that boring.

    And you’re from Boston? I’m from Detroit, but I’m actually planning to go to grad school in Boston in a few years :)


  101. on June 16, 2007 at 12:24 pm Steph

    And uh, morning everyone else!


  102. on June 16, 2007 at 12:25 pm Schnookie

    Morning Steph!


  103. on June 16, 2007 at 12:27 pm Grace

    Steph: No worries! You’ve hit upon a great cure for insomnia–probably the best use those awards shows can be put to. As for grad school, Boston certainly is a great place to do it. I read some crazy statistic about there being a student population of 200,000 (and 50 colleges/universities) in the greater metro area, and I believe it. What do you want to study?


  104. on June 16, 2007 at 12:30 pm Steph

    Seriously! I’m going to have to keep this tape - there’s nothing that puts me to sleep like hearing each award presenter top the previous at being horrendously boring and eighteen interviews with Sidney in which he says the same thing every time.

    I’m really looking to do a creative writing MFA and Emerson is my top choice. Actually I’ve looked at quite a few different schools but uh, outside of U of Minnesota (and I would put forth that it hardly counts) none of them are in hockey cities, and I’m not sure I could manage :b Plus Emerson really does look perfect.


  105. on June 16, 2007 at 12:32 pm Schnookie

    none of them are in hockey cities, and I’m not sure I could manage

    When we were in the “Huh, wanna live in another part of the country?” stage of our lives, we quite seriously limited our choices to NHL cities. No matter how much everyone assures me a place like Portland would be perfect for me, I refuse to consider it because they don’t have NHL hockey. There is no shame in that! Right?


  106. on June 16, 2007 at 12:35 pm american oil

    It is very difficult to live in a non-hockey city. We are 2 hours from Vancouver, so we can catch a game up there. Luckily we do have a kick ass local WHL team here, which means we can be season ticket holders without completely killing our bank account, so we make due.


  107. on June 16, 2007 at 12:36 pm Schnookie

    a.oil, we consider living in the Princeton area as being NHL-abled, but we’re actually pretty close to 2 hours away from the Devils now for how bad the traffic is getting up there. (And I’ve mentioned before that we’re 45 minutes from the Flyers, but puh-lease!)


  108. on June 16, 2007 at 12:41 pm american oil

    Well we still have to go through the border here to get to NHL hockey. I promised this year that PP can go to her first NHL game. She has never been, last year by the time I got around to getting a ticket pretty much everything was sold out at the GM. So this year we will get on it sooner.


  109. on June 16, 2007 at 12:41 pm Pookie

    A-Oil, I’m so sorry to hear about that sucky housing situation. As for packing, may I suggest turning it into a game? Like, “How would Chris Pronger pack? Now, do the opposite!” Or my favorite game, “Talk Like Sid While Doing the Chore I Don’t Want to Do”. Or pretend you’re Crunchy — “I just want to be the best box packer I possibly can be.”


  110. on June 16, 2007 at 12:41 pm american oil

    I didn’t realize that Flyers were still considered NHL hockey. Sure they may play in the NHL but aren’t they more Junior B quality?


  111. on June 16, 2007 at 12:43 pm Schnookie

    I think a border crossing is easier than navigating the parking lots at the Meadowlands these days! (We only went to one game this year, and it was insane. There’s this huge construction thing going on there, so half the parking lots are closed, and then they have the world’s least efficient parking garage now… it was terrible. The experience of trying to park was worse than the experience of watching the worst Devils loss I’ve seen in over 250 live games in my life.)


  112. on June 16, 2007 at 12:43 pm american oil

    “I just want to be the best box packer I possibly can be.”

    I am so going to repeat this mantra this afternoon. I love it! I will also be utilizing some bottles of wine (they make everything better). Would like to send you all some wonderful Walla Walla Wine to IPB Manor!


  113. on June 16, 2007 at 12:44 pm Schnookie

    I didn’t realize that Flyers were still considered NHL hockey. Sure they may play in the NHL but aren’t they more Junior B quality?

    BURN! (Although they are only one season removed from being a 100-point team, so I don’t think they really deserve the kind of scorn we normally reserve for St. Louis and Chicago…)


  114. on June 16, 2007 at 12:46 pm american oil

    We have a local WHL team here in Everett and one in Seattle (about 25 minutes south of us). PP’s hockey association does skates inbetween periods at the games (it is cute 5 year olds playing a mini game - and it hits their target market to get people to have their kids join). We HATE the ones that are in Seattle. It is such a pain in the ass. Middle of downtown, find parking, trapse a kid, a hockey bag, a stick across the Seattle Center, etc….blah. I hate it. Luckily parking in Everett is plentiful (with in a block or two of the Arena) and at most it cost $5. That is my kind of hockey. :)


  115. on June 16, 2007 at 12:48 pm Grace

    Oh, I was just there last night (the movie theater is, like Emerson, right on the Boston Common). The campus is pretty much smack dab in the middle of the city, right in the Theatre District. I love the Common and the Public Gardens.

    As for being an NHL city…welllll…I guess you could say it is. Last season was a nightmare–I had to deal with my coworkers fits of rage at how bad the team was doing.

    Sorry it took me so long to type all of this. My roommate is insisting that we eat. So much for the IPB Diet! See you girls in a bit!


  116. on June 16, 2007 at 12:48 pm american oil

    Oh also might I add. Key Arena (the Seattle venue) got in a pissing match years ago when it was built and the builders specifically didn’t want to make it hockey friendly. So watching a hockey game there SUCKS. It wasn’t designed for it. I like to liken watching hockey in Seattle like a fat lady wearing spandex, it can be done…..but it shouldn’t.


  117. on June 16, 2007 at 12:53 pm Schnookie

    Have a great lunch, Grace!

    When we first moved to AZ we got Coyotes season tickets (figuring hockey is hockey is hockey. We were wrong.) and discovered how awful it is to watch the beautiful game in a non-hockey friendly arena. I’ve not been to the new one in Glendale yet, but man did they handcuff themselves by being stuck at America West for all those years. “A fat lady in spandex” is such an apt description!


  118. on June 16, 2007 at 12:54 pm Heather B.

    Not only do I have to leave shortly for an 8 1/2 hour shift - longer than a day at my “real” job - I have to work the self-checkout today. A surprisingly high percentage of the grocery shopping population is way too stupid to use the self-checkout and also too stupid to recognize that they’re too stupid for it. Here’s to spending the day saying things like, “”M’am, your child cannot sit on the scale” while wanting to say, “What are you, a moron?”

    Having spent most of my life in a non-hockey city, I know I could never, ever do that again. I love my husband even more for moving to Alabama to be near me because it meant giving up pretty much all regular hockey coverage. I mean, really… What was he thinking?

    “Shattuck Boys”… Schnookie, please tell me you’re going to finish this work of art. You’ve made me hate my previously favorite Devil (thanks?) and you’ve made me fall in love with Paul Martin. I wouldn’t recognize Paul Martin if he walked through my living room in a jersey with “Martin” on the back, but I love him anyway. (The only “real” thing I know about him is that he trains with Thomas Vanek in the off-season.) Did you know that Crunchy’s dad really didn’t want him to play goalie?


  119. on June 16, 2007 at 12:54 pm Katebits

    I am a notoriously bad packer. One time, to the great delight of one of my friends who was helping me unpack at my new digs, I opened a box that contained, among other thing: my checkbook, a wooden spoon, all of my bras, and a small humidifier. I still take shit for that one. I would also like to state for the record that I do not live in a totally messy house, I just have a particularly, um, whimsical, approach to packing.

    I am so sorry you have to move a.oil. I’ll be sending you soothing vibes.

    “I just want to be the best box packer I possibly can be.”

    Did Crunchy actually say “I just want to be the best goaltender I can be”, or is that one of those patented IPB “embellishments”? Is their video footage? :)


  120. on June 16, 2007 at 12:57 pm american oil

    One of the best things about The Everett Events Center is that it was built specifically for the Silvertips and everything else secondary. So it is about 8,000+ seats (perfect size for a WHL team) and great tiering of seats. It is a beautiful and easy place to watch hockey and makes it really easy for fans to learn to love hockey. Silvertips were an expansion team started in 03. They have hung 4 banners already and had an amazing run. We typically have most weekends sold out and even during the week they typically have 6,000+ fans in the arena. The hockey fan base has grown leaps and bounds in the past couple of years here, which has been wonderful. It goes to show how much a good arena can help love a game. In Seattle they are lucky to get 1000+ fans in the seats.


  121. on June 16, 2007 at 12:58 pm Heather B.

    Did Crunchy actually say “I just want to be the best goaltender I can be”, or is that one of those patented IPB “embellishments”? Is their video footage? :)

    Kate, of COURSE Crunchy has said that. I’ll see if I can find some video proof.


  122. on June 16, 2007 at 12:59 pm american oil

    Well I can understand the Crunchy Dad thing. Since Mags isn’t on right now, I will admit that when PP said she wanted to play hockey, the one rule was that she could NOT be a goalie.


  123. on June 16, 2007 at 1:00 pm Steph

    Argh I really wish my computer would stop spontaneously overheating and then taking 10 minutes to restart.

    But seriously…it’s hard enough being in Kalamazoo right now (2 1/2 hours from Detroit, 2 1/2 hours from Chicago) for school, I don’t think I could dedicate another 3-4 years to a non-hockey city. My heart goes out to Elly in Vermont, I don’t know how she manages.

    And is it really Grace? I might have to harass you about the location and all that sometime :) My only problem now is that yeah okay it’s hockey (even if they’re doing poorly, I still have some weird affection for them, it’s probably Elly’s fault) but…but…you guys, this would be subjecting myself to all those previously mentioned years of……….Eastern Conference hockey. I might faint. I’m not sure I can handle it.


  124. on June 16, 2007 at 1:01 pm american oil

    I believe that IPB can channel all of Crunchy’s inner thoughts. They are just that “in tune” with him and his organic self.


  125. on June 16, 2007 at 1:01 pm Schnookie

    Heather, I proudly admit I am too stupid to use the self checkout. I will stand in line for hours at Whole Foods rather than use it. I am the person who, on the very first foodstuff, gets the “ALARM! ALARM!” message on the screen. I’m glad I can make your counterparts at my grocery store miserable.

    Your husband has just officially earned “he’s a keeper!” status from me for having moved to the hockey dark side of the moon for you. Awwww!

    And what is this? Zach Parise was your least favorite Devil? What in the heavens for? He’s so cute! How could anyone hate him? (He’s also, for being a pretty good player, really not that dangerous from an opponent’s standpoint.) And yes, even more than spreading PandoLove, we hope to expand PaulieMartinNation. He is underappreciated even in Devils circles. (I kind of did know that Crunchy’s dad didn’t want him to be a goalie, but that didn’t factor into my including that in Shattuck Boys. It was just a necessary element of the coming-of-age genre!) I do hope to finish SB some day (I have finally decided which character is going to die), but Chasing Sidney had my full attention right now…


  126. on June 16, 2007 at 1:01 pm Katebits

    Don’t get me wrong Heather, I can literally hear the words coming out of his mouth, it’s just that my “literal” memory, and actual “reality” don’t always mesh.


  127. on June 16, 2007 at 1:06 pm Schnookie

    Katebits, that packing story is TOO funny! I think one of Boomer’s boxes may very well have had those same contents. And our house is that messy, so we have no excuse.

    As for the Crunchy quote, a real staple of the Crunchy oeuvre is the “I just want to be the best professional hockey goaltender I can be”. I think the first time I encountered it was when he talked about his decision to leave college early. It is the most predictable of all the things he says. So next time you want to impress your friends while watching a clip of a Crunchy interview, jump in before the interviewer finishes the question and do your best Crunchy impression of him saying that. Then when Crunchy starts speaking, you’ll look prescient! (Pookie actually completely — and I mean 100%, to the letter — nailed what he was going to say in response to being voted the All-Star starter this year. So yeah, I guess we do really channel his inner thoughts. It’s just because we work hard every day to be the best Crunchy-channelers we can possibly be.)


  128. on June 16, 2007 at 1:08 pm Katebits

    Ha!

    Oh my God! I still have so much to learn!


  129. on June 16, 2007 at 1:08 pm Heather B.

    Schnookie, recoginizing that you’re too stupid to use the self-checkout is an important step and shows that you do have some intelligence atleast. On behalf of grocery store peons everywhere, I salute you!

    No, Zach Parise was my favorite Devil - he’s adorable and I’m not ashamed to admit that that’s pretty much the basis of my affection - but you made him such a little doucebag. Perhaps he’ll be the stuck up snob who’s somewhat redeemed in the end though I can return to wanting to carry him around in my pocket.


  130. on June 16, 2007 at 1:08 pm Schnookie

    And what is this? Zach Parise was your least favorite Devil?

    Whoops! I totally misread your comment, Heather, and thought you said you had previously hated Zach. Obviously, I’m just hypersensitive to the thought that anyone could miss his golden-boy charms! (He has, at IPB Manor, perhaps the most complex mythology of all. He is an impossibly easy target for being painted the way he has been in Shattuck Boys. And it really gets Pookie’s goat when I do that, because he is kind of her Crunchy. In that somehow, despite both of us liking him, he’s sort of “hers”, if that makes any sense.)


  131. on June 16, 2007 at 1:11 pm Pookie

    I believe the actual quote from Crunchy was “I’m just trying to be the best professional goaltender I can be” or something like that. It was the uneccessary addition of the adjective “professional”that made that quote my favorite Crunchy quote until the introduction of “Life can’t just be driving around buying stuff”.


  132. on June 16, 2007 at 1:11 pm Schnookie

    By the way, my greatest hope for Shattuck Boys, besides the spreading of PaulieMartinLove, is that the idea of Staffy being a cow-exploding pizza-stomper will take off. We spent almost the entire drive up to Buffalo this year pointing out cows and saying if Staffy was with us we’d have to pull over so he could set them on fire. We are very easily amused.


  133. on June 16, 2007 at 1:13 pm Katebits

    One of the things that you need to remember about me is that I don’t actually know really anything about hockey or the players. I’m like your incredibly retarded blank slate. Everything you tell me is filed away in my impressionable mind as absolute truth….which is quite hilarious when you think about it. For example, when reading Shattuck Boys, I took it at face value that Staffy is a serial cow arsonist. I mean, sure, yeah, that guy sets fire to cows. No problem.


  134. on June 16, 2007 at 1:17 pm Steph

    Okay, having not actually been able to read any of this yet due to my current loaner computer’s burning passionate hatred of all things pdf, I just want to say that thanks to Katebits’ last comment, I am now cursing this stupid thing that much harder. Give me my real computer back, stupid repair store!


  135. on June 16, 2007 at 1:18 pm Heather B.

    It was the uneccessary addition of the adjective “professional”…

    Unnecessary?! Crunchy doesn’t want to be the best Timbits goaltender or the best college goaltender! No, he wants to be the best of the best! If he doesn’t use “professional,” you might not grasp the seriousness and intensity of his dreams and that just wouldn’t be right.


  136. on June 16, 2007 at 1:20 pm Schnookie

    I mean, sure, yeah, that guy sets fire to cows. No problem.

    I, uh, sometimes find myself unable to remember that Staffy is not a cow arsonist. Or that Paul Martin and Crunchy didn’t go to Shattuck (which is, by the way, a real school. They have a crazy hockey program there that’s run by Zach and Jordan Parise’s ex-NHLer dad. And Staffy and Sid also went there for reals, Sid for just one year). Or that they don’t wear Eton-style morning coats there. And I have no excuse, because I both know a great deal about hockey, and also made all that shit up myself. I think I’m borderline delusionally fantasy-prone. That’s a psychological condition, right? I need help. Maybe spending some time with Crunchy in a daisy field will help me? (Because if there’s anyone in the world who doesn’t suffer from an overactive imagination, it would be him.)


  137. on June 16, 2007 at 1:26 pm Schnookie

    Unnecessary?! Crunchy doesn’t want to be the best Timbits goaltender or the best college goaltender! No, he wants to be the best of the best! If he doesn’t use “professional,” you might not grasp the seriousness and intensity of his dreams and that just wouldn’t be right.

    Heather, you just won the “Comment That Made Schnookie Laugh Out Loud The Hardest” award.

    Steph, would your computer be able to handle Shattuck Boys in Word?


  138. on June 16, 2007 at 1:30 pm Pookie

    He has, at IPB Manor, perhaps the most complex mythology of all. He is an impossibly easy target for being painted the way he has been in Shattuck Boys. And it really gets Pookie’s goat when I do that, because he is kind of her Crunchy.

    Here’s the thing about Zach: our first real introduction to him as someone other than “that dude who played better than Sid opening night but then sort of disappeared” was a NYT article about composite sticks. Everyone else quoted talked about how the stick perform. Zach was quoted talking about how much the sticks cost. Then, in the course of doing some, er, Cultural Learning Through Hockey, I read an article about him going to Shattuck that was all just quotes from him and his dad about how much the tuition costs. Thus was born the mythology of the stuck up rich kid.

    Added to that is the fact that it’s so easy to imagine him crying if he doesn’t get his way. His little eyes welling up, his little feet stamping in petulance. I started Robert Caro’s “The Power Broker” this summer, and there was a description of Robert Moses being told no while standing at an indoor swimming pool. Caro described his fists clutching powerlessly at his sides, his collar wilting in the humidity, his face scrunching up in anger. And I was like, “Is it bad that I’m imaging Zach Parise here?”


  139. on June 16, 2007 at 1:30 pm Steph

    I do believe Wrod is still properly functioning - and I would be more than willing to try, given that I have just received news that the idiotic repair company orderd the wrong part, and I now have to sit at home and wait for the right one for an extra 2-3 days. Grrr, incompetance.

    Luckily we have Heather around to make comments that at least momentarily make me forget my hatred.


  140. on June 16, 2007 at 1:36 pm Schnookie

    Well, Steph, if you’d like a copy of this masterwork, just email me at interchangeablepartsblog[at]gmail[dot]com and I’ll send it back your way as a Word attachment! (I would be raging incoherently, by the way, if my computer was out of commission as long as yours has been. That’s unreasonable that anyone should be expected to live that way!)


  141. on June 16, 2007 at 1:38 pm american oil

    I have also requested the copy (in pdf form). Waiting patiently for it.


  142. on June 16, 2007 at 1:40 pm Pookie

    Can I tell you how hard it was to contribute to the Sabres game diaries without being able to reference “Staffy stomp now!”? That’s really all I can think of when I see Staffy. So now I’m glad next season it can be all stomp this, stomp that when Staffy’s on the ice.


  143. on June 16, 2007 at 1:41 pm Pookie

    I have also requested the copy (in pdf form). Waiting patiently for it.

    I think Schnookie just went to cook lunch; when she gets back I’m sure she’ll send it your way!


  144. on June 16, 2007 at 1:42 pm american oil

    You mean Schnookie isn’t always next to the computer jumping on our every request?


  145. on June 16, 2007 at 1:43 pm Pookie

    Oh, and Heather, your professional/Timbits goalie comment also won a hearty laugh from me. And I needed it. Today’s turned into a bit of a disaster — thanks to my idiot coworker being a jackass, I just got cheated out of the second half of my lunch hour. I’d call him a doucherocket, but that’s too nice a word for him.


  146. on June 16, 2007 at 1:45 pm