The fifth in our 118-part series:
Jay Pandolfo
The scene: it’s preseason, 1996, and the denizens of stately IPB Manor are attending their first Devils game as season-ticketholders, and only our second-ever Devils game in person. We decide after the typically uninteresting preseason match ends to wander the grounds a bit, get the lay of the land in our new home away from home. And as we circle the CAA, we come upon the players’ entrance, where a scant handful of fans is standing and waiting for the scant handful of actual NHLers who are at the arena that night. We decide, as newbies, to wait a few minutes (this was the first and last time we ever did this, because, well, asking hockey players for autographs is a really unrewarding social interaction). And before long one of the rookies emerges from the arena, is not stopped by any fans for autographs, strides across the sidewalk to his cranberry-red Explorer, and drives off. Despite not having a very clear idea of his identity, we decide he was Jay Pandolfo, and for some reason, seeing him that night makes us kind of feel like we were all rookies together at the same time. He proceeds to spend the next three seasons making very little impression on the big squad while honing his game in the AHL in Albany.
The scene: it’s January, 2000. The Devils are in Detroit, playing one of those regular-season games that feels like a playoff game. The Devils have had too many guys on their roster all year, and Pando is one of the interchangeable forwards who has been scrapping to get a permanent place in the lineup. He is skating tonight, and remains, with the exception of that sighting at our first game, completely off our radar. He’s always seemed like a nobody to us; a guy who, when asked once if he golfs, said he does, but only because he wants to fit in with the other players on the team. He just smacks of wallflower, the kid none of the cool kids want to have to hang out with. But back to the game… At one point Pando and his linemate Sergei Brylin both head deep into Detroit’s zone to chase a puck (this was, apparently, back in the ancient times when Pando went deep into the offensive zone. He clearly learned his lesson), and in typical Pando fashion, he somehow ends up smashing head-first into the glass. It looks at first like maybe he was boarded, but there aren’t any Red Wings around — it is more like he somehow conspired to nearly kill himself in the most embarrassing manner possible: by tripping over his own feet all while being crunched hard into the boards by the smallest player on his own team. The long and the short of it is, though, that his massive forehead gets split wide open. The Wings skate away from the incident with the puck, dart down the ice, and score on the play. All hell breaks loose. The Devils are furious that a goal was scored because the play was clearly offsides. Then-Devils coach Robbie Ftorek famously throws the bench onto the ice in protest. The linesmen later admit they weren’t paying attention and missed the offsides call because they were so distracted by Pando, who had picked himself up from where he’d been bulldozed and skated, under his own power, back to the Devils bench with torrents of blood streaming down the front of his face and onto the ice. He is immediately rushed into the dressing room for repairs, but Ftorek, in his screaming fit at the officials, demands to know why the whistle wasn’t blown when Pando went down, and decides to drag Pando out of the dressing room to show off to the refs exactly how demolished his face is right now. So Pando comes back out of the dressing room, rivers of blood still gushing out of his forehead, and stands there with this hilarious hang-dog look on his face, like, “Yeah, Coach, whatever you need, I’ll do.” (Except Pando says, “Whatevah you need,” because he has an awesome Boston accent.) And it is in this moment that we realized we’ve been wrong about Pando. He isn’t a loser. He isn’t a nobody. He isn’t an interchangeable part. He is a winner. He is a god. He is THE interchangeable part. And we love him.
PandoNation was born that night.
After getting 84 stitches in his forehead and spending a little roster-clearing time on the IR, Pando emerged as a regular in the lineup, and he and John Madden asserted themselves in that Spring’s Stanley Cup run as the preeminent pair of checking forwards in the league. Madden — modestly high-scoring for a defensive center — got a lot of the credit in the early going, but if you really paid attention to the way they played, it was clear that Pando was the straw that stirred the drink. He didn’t score much, he wasn’t the guy going head-to-head with the big-name scoring centers, but he was the motor. And his unimpeachable positioning and smarts made it possible for Madden to take the occasional gamble shorthanded.
Over the years PandoNation has swelled in numbers. First it was his teammates, who just keep handing him the “Unsung Hero” award each season, then it was John Davidson on MSG, then it was Doc… and now it’s enough people with influence that he actually got to be a finalist for the Selke Trophy. What he’s done over the last seven years is really staggering; ever-so-quietly, without ever trying to drag attention to himself, he’s established this relentless, selfless game. He never gets a shift off — he’d probably never want one — and every time he takes the ice it’s with the sole purpose of shutting down the other team’s superstars. Other defensive forwards earn their praise by going down to block shots, or winning big faceoffs, or scoring shorties, or throwing big hits. Pando does none of these things. He is an average skater with a lousy shot, so he spends his time on the ice outthinking his opponents. He plays the angles, controls what the other guy can do with the ice he’s given. Pando doesn’t want the puck — he’s happy to let the other team skate all night with it, because he’ll make sure they don’t ever get a decent shot or scoring chance. And he does all of this without taking penalties. When he’s on his game he’s invisible, but in such a way that he makes the big guns he’s skating against invisible too. Pando is, in short, subtly awesome.
For how selfless his play on the ice is, it’s no surprise that Pando is the very picture of “team-first” attitude. He shies away from interviews, and when asked about his personal accomplishments, squirms and demurs that he’s gotten to this point in his career thanks to the great play of his teammates and to his coaches. When his contract comes up for renegotiation, he must be Lou’s favorite guy to have to deal with. We would not be surprised to find out that Pando would prefer to skate without a name on his sweater. Or a number. Just a second Devils logo on his back. And he’s always been like this: back in his high school days at Burlington High School in Massachusetts he and his teammates decided to get their numbers shaved into their hair in the lead-up to a big game. Pando’s barber, though, screwed up and shaved his number 9 backwards onto his head. (This is the part in the retelling where we thought to ourselves, “Nice try, Pando, blaming a ‘barber’. Way to not be able to shave a 9 into your hair right, loser.”) But Pando was not at all concerned. He just had that backwards 9 turned into a “B” for Burlington. And he probably felt a lot more comfortable that way, too.

What a great honor. I’m very sure Rod Brind’Amour would be happy to accept this accolade.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Brind’Amour can have his fucking Selke, but he can’t have Pando’s “Reason We Love Hockey”!
Awwww, it’s wonderful. Especially Boston accents.
Especially Boston accents.
We’re so immature about Boston accents that whenever any player or announcer says anything Boston-ish, Schnookie, Boomer and I all say, in unison, “WHAT?!” and then collapse into paroxysms of giggles. It just never wears off. Of particular joy to us is that the Devils awarded Pando the “Players Player” award last year; we’ve been laughing over “Play-ah’s Play-ah” even since.
Fuck me.
Give me a card. Member of the PandoNation.
Damn.
I may just like the Devils yet (not that I disliked them, I just never really cared)
We would not be surprised to find out that Pando would prefer to skate without a name on his sweater. Or a number. Just a second Devils logo on his back.
All I could think of when I read this is the line from Miracle: When you pull on the jersey, the name on the front is a heck of a lot more important than the name on the back. I wish more athletes lived by that credo.
Give me a card. Member of the PandoNation.
I’d like a card, too, as long as I don’t have to give up my Jere Lehtinen card.
Very nice post. Brought a tear.
I’m getting a mental picture of Ftorek yanking him around by his upper arm while yelling at the refs.
Reminds me of my mom dragging me and my sisters out of the grocery store because we kept running up and down the aisles. “How many TIMES (yank) do I have to TELL YOU (yank) to BEHAVE! (yank!)”
Ftorek: And my PLAYER (yank) gets smashed into the BOARDS! (yank) and there’s no WHISTLE! (yank!)
Poor Pando.
Patty….
:^::::::::::::::::::
I can completely see that.
Poor Pando.
You should have seen his wife. She could barely lick clean her fishbone that night, and the mournful clicking that followed was heart-wrenching.
Earl, that brought a tear, too, but a different kind.
Sleek is on a roll.
In between Pando’s raccoon wife and Bryz’s toaster family, I’m surprised we haven’t been hit with any libel suits yet.
Since toasters just got brought up yet again, I think it needs to be noted that I finally arrived at my parents’ house, booted up my computer, wandered over to my regular haunts, and got hit with the parent-toaster conference bit and nearly busted a gut laughing. Everyone in this house things I am insane (which was probably always the case, but.)
In between Pando’s raccoon wife and Bryz’s toaster family, I’m surprised we haven’t been hit with any libel suits yet.
maybe we need a few more “complex mythologies” =D.
PandoPost made me teary. PandoNation citizens must be proud. Is there an Oath/Pledge of ___ that I have to read for citizenship?
Vinny, citizenship is easy to attain; all you need to do to be issued your PandoNation passport is to raise your right hand and proclaim, “I pledge to support the playahs’ playah.” It’s just that easy!
It’s just that easy!
So I shaved a 9 in my hair for nothing?!
So I shaved a 9 in my hair for nothing?!
We clearly need photographic evidence of this.
Anyhoos I’m heading to Ottawa/Montreal for the weekend to be around people who won’t mock me still for wearing my Senators hat :P
Have a good weekend everybody.
So I shaved a 9 in my hair for nothing?!
Hilarious!
Have a great weekend, Sherry!
Earl, just turn that 9 in your hair into a “D” for Ducks. That’s what Pando would do!
Have a good weekend, Sherry!
Anyhoos I’m heading to Ottawa/Montreal for the weekend to be around people who won’t mock me still for wearing my Senators hat :P
It’s true. Somehow it’s always better to be mocked as part of a larger community than to be mocked as an individual. :P
Have a good weekend, Sherry!
Aw, that’s sweet. But I gotta’ know – what do you have against Brind’Amour?
Are there things not to have against Brind’Amour?
And have a good time Sherry! Man, our numbers are dwindling.
Earl — PP is watching the original Mighty Ducks on CartoonNetwork….oh the pains in my house.
Steph,
Eh, Rod’s a pretty decent guy, a relatively solid player all over the ice. He just has an unfortunate post-hockey face.
and the perfect quote for Oilers fan’s
Bombay: “You think losing is funny?”
Averman: “Well, not at first, but once you get the hang of it.”
That’s it… I’m sold completely. This is the kind of guy I need on my team. (Not the Sabres, mind you. Just my team… of life.)
we’ve been laughing over “Play-ah’s Play-ah” even since.
Sweet! Now that I can pretend Pando is actually JFK from Clone High, I doubly love him!
Oh, and if you’re wondering just who in the hell this is, it’s the artist formerly known as BGM (the G stands for Gamble: That’s right, everyone, Gamble is my middle name. I’m just that cool.) I’ve started my own hockey blog out of desperation (it’s called “Desperation Hockey,” I’m clever like that), and I’m writing under the new moniker Gambler. For the sake of organisation and clarity, I thought I better switch it here, too. Everyone has an open invitation to check it out, but I should probably warn you that it’s not half so much fun as here.
emme, I have no problem with Brind’Amour as a player, but I do have a problem with the suggestion that he was a better defensive forward than Pando (or Pahlsson) this season. He most patently was not. Which is probably why he sounded so chagrined while accepting the Selke. :P
Ach, can’t disagree with you there. Rod’s a personal favorite of mine – since he was in college – the loyalty goes way back.
I completely agree with you Schnookie. Brind’Amour is a great player, but he didn’t play to the caliber this year of Pando or Pahlsson (or quite frankly even others). It was disappointing to see the Selke go to him.
Gambler (if that really is your name), you totally had us just get all excited — “New reader! New reader!” Damn you! (Just kidding!) I’m glad you clarified that you’d like Pando on your team “…of life” because I would die — die — at the suggestion he play anywhere other than the Devils. (And mimicking the accent is even more fun than doing Sid’s voice. We love pulling out our best Mayor Quimby when Pando’s on the TV.)
Stop…you are making me consider a trip to the East next year just to watch a game with you guys!!! Although I would probably laugh myself into a stupor (or is that drink myself into one????)
You know, in Brind’Amour’s defense, he probably had the best speech of the night. At least people chuckled
or it at least had some semblance of chuckling. plus he teased his kid!
Oil – why not both!?
Brilliant plan Steph…
Gambler (if that really is your name)
I don’t care if you don’t believe me, because I know the truth. And the truth is that I’m the coolest kid in any casino I go to.
I’m glad you clarified that you’d like Pando on your team “…of life” because I would die — die — at the suggestion he play anywhere other than the Devils.
I know, that’s why I was very careful to add the “… of life.” I wouldn’t dream of taking him away from you. Because… you know, I have that power. I’m secretly a GM (the BGM actually stands for Bruins General Manager (or is it Managah?)) (Just kidding, the G is really for Gamble (trust me.))
OKAY YOU GUYS. I forgot that the east side of the state means I can get COFFEE CRISP. Oh my god nothing has ever tasted so good.
And I certainly thought so :) I’ll even supply, I’ll need a place to stay out there when I finally invade…er…visit. That’s it. Visit. :b
Stop…you are making me consider a trip to the East next year just to watch a game with you guys!!!
When our kitchen remodel is finished, we’ll consider building an amphitheater so that we can charge admission for one and all to come and enjoy watching a game with us. We’ll call it the IPB Experience, and we’ll charge steep admission fees (not payable in IPBucks).
Well if I am traversing across the country (literally) then I might as well pay the cost!
it can’t possibly cost me more then what it has cost me to spend the past 2 1/2 hours watching Mighty Ducks with PP.
oh shit…the flying V
I have successfully in one flying V killed the comment thread. I shall pitifully hang my head in shame.
Flying V holds terrible memories of having it yelled at me via expensive cell phone calls from Canada (my friends are jerks) every time the Ducks scored on us during that series.
Well, because there are so many of you still yammering away in here, we’ll give you a heads up that it’s bedtime at IPB Manor. So don’t be sitting up waiting to hear from us, because we won’t be back until morning. (I know, I know, it’s so sad to hear… Parting truly is such sweet sorrow.)
it can’t possibly cost me more then what it has cost me to spend the past 2 1/2 hours watching Mighty Ducks with PP.
Per IPB tradition, I believe PP owes you some Baileys.
Anyone still awake? West Coasters?
How about East Coasters who cannot seem to comprehend normal sleeping patterns?
Or Mid-Westers, really, but it’s all the same timezone anyway :b
Yay! (But sorry about your insomnia.)
Where in the Midwest are you typing from, Steph? I’m in Boston. And I had a medium iced coffee from Dunkin’ Donuts at 10pm.
Woohoo. I should be good for the next four hours or so.
Oops, sorry. It didn’t occur to me to click on the link. So have you had a chance to hit the sale yet? Or is that tomorrow’s plan?
(in best penguin imitation) Dooby dooby doo…
Okay, the caffeine is finally wearing off. I will make one last plug for Creature Comforts (click on video) before I go. (Keep in mind that the interviews were done before the claymation.)
Anyone still awake? West Coasters?
Yeszzzzzzzzzzz.
BTW: Mononoke and Spirited tonight. Both were awesome.
Good night.
–Earl Sleep
Screw you, I need coffee. A nice cappucino. One that doesn’t remind me that it’s 10:30 PM. Time to see what’s cooking with the funny Italian dude on the food channel!
Anyone still awake? West Coasters?
So, in that same vein, anyone newly awake? East (or West) Coasters? International readers?
Unbelievably, I am. Although I don’t know if I want to be!
We might be unhappily awake (I, too, am wondering what I’m doing out of bed before 1 PM), but at least we don’t have it as bad as Pookie, who has to work today. Who knew being a librarian was such a sucky, demanding gig? I know I thought it just involved wearing your hair in a bun and shushing people a lot.
I’m up, but I’m also getting dressed. Out the door in a half hour.
My being up this early would be more impressive if my late late late night message didn’t get eaten by Senor Spam.
My being up this early would be more impressive if my late late late night message didn’t get eaten by Senor Spam.
Sorry! It’s not like we can be checking Senor Spam when we’re sleeping can we? Or do you expect us now to wake up on hourly rotations to make sure the spam filter isn’t being assy in our absences? (Everyone, go check out Earl’s late late late night dedication to the IPBCommunity in comment 54.)
Pookie has to work?! Now that is just wrong. Every Saturday morning?
Hey Earl, how was the Miyazaki Marathon?
Pookie has to work 1 (and sometimes 2) full-day Saturdays a month. It’s terrible. Except for the comp days she gets, generally the following Monday, which makes it very nice for me to meet her for lunch during my workday. (Yes, the typical “one of us has work and the other doesn’t” day for us entails the one not working getting up early to spend all day IMing with the one who is working. And we meet for lunch if I’m the one stuck in the office. Because we never, ever seem to run out of crap to talk about.)
Oh, I haven’t watched Spirited yet. I caught a late showing of Ocean’s Thirteen, though. It was pretty good, but not as good as the first one, I think.
The suckiness of having to be here at work was somewhat mitigated by the first question I was asked today: the shyest, nicest, quietest patron we have asked me, “Do you have any Rick James CDs?” So I’ve been able to pass the morning wondering what the guy would have said if I’d responded with what I wanted to say. “I’m Rick James, bitch!”
I think Ocean’s Thirteen is going into our Netflix queue, but I’m glad to hear it’s pretty good. I actually enjoyed the second one — am I the only person on the planet who did?
Hey Earl, how was the Miyazaki Marathon?
I was really, really blown away by Mononoke. Beautiful. That said, it’s not the best introduction to Miyazake–it really helps that I already know all the characters and what they’re up to (sometimes that gets tricky). I was going to do a sudoku during the movie but had to put it away in the first three minutes–there’s no sidebar activities allowed in Mononoke (especially with English subtitles–I refuse to watch Billy Bob Thorton and Jada Pinket Smith try to belong in feudal Japan).
Spirited Away was really good too, but I’ve seen this movie a ton. It’s really the movie people should watch if they’ve never seen Miyazaki–at least the storyline is probably easiest to follow (if you can remember that Yubaba has a twin sister), and the resolution probably feels the most American :). This is a movie I think especially Sherry should see, as it’s about a girl named Sen who learns the value of hard work while stuck in another world. I didn’t use it, but I do think the English dubbing on this film (and on Howl’s) are pretty good, actually, if you’re so inclined.
Then my roommate got home and didn’t want to watch Howl’s, so that’s postponed.
Yay Miyazaki!
Because we never, ever seem to run out of crap to talk about.
Schnookie, that is adorable. Send her our love. (Er, although she can probably read this page as easily as you can IM her.)
PP and I are now awake. I am currently trying to get rid of my headache from an evening of Mighty Ducks.
I just wrote a little comment about how lame it was that Pookie’s been logged in since 9 and hadn’t left a comment yet, but then I noticed she snuck in at number 64. Hi Pookie!
And hi, a.oil!
Pookie, I would just love to spend a day inside your head.
Schnookie: Yes, you are the only person on earth who liked the second one.
Earl: I think Spirited Away was spoiled for me because I watched it in Japanese class, without subtitles and armed only with a meager vocabulary list. Kind of took the fun out of it, which is why I’m looking forward to seeing it again.
Hi a.oil! Did you end up doing a MD Marathon? Because I think that deserves some sort of award.
Grace, you speak (some) Japanese?
Between Miyazaki and my nonsense Katamari soundtracks, that’s the language that seems to have been kicking me lately for not knowing it.
Well, Korean, too. But that’s been kicking me most my life.
Yes, PP has all three movies, so after the first one on TV she had to move on to the D2 and D3.
Sorry, Schnookie, I didn’t mean for that last comment to be so curt.
I’m deeply wounded, Grace. My love of “Ocean’s Twelve” is deep and incredibly enriching. :P
Quick, someone give a oil a medal! Or a gold star! Something!
Earl, I took two years of Japanese in college and spent the year after graduation at a language program in Yokohama (Tokyo metro area). Sadly, disuse since then has led to severe atrophy, though consequent time in Korea and China (in a mostly Korean-speaking environment) improved my Korean (sort of).
S: : P
a.oil gets 500,000 IPBucks and a commendation for “Valor Above And Beyond The Call Of Duty In The Service Of Being A Hockey Parent”.
*standing o*
Grace, Yokohama was featured in two Ghibli films — Pompoko and Whisper of the Heart. Both those movies are unforgettable, but I won’t tell you which one is unforgettable in a good way.
Anyway, I’m outta here for a while. Be back this afternoon, I think!
Why thank you. I must admit last night was more painful then the hours (and I mean HOURS) spent in an ice rink every week.
Bye Earl! Have a good day!
Okay, Earl, you just scared me with your level of otaku-ness. ; ) Catch you later!
I guess, a.oil, that I shouldn’t admit here that we once voluntarily watched MD 1 and 2 back-to-back because we were so starved for hockey content during an offseason…
A-Oil, your dedication knows no bounds. When PP is a moody teenager, we’ll remind her of the sacrifices you made for her — I mean, all 3 MD in a row?!? That’s cruel and unusual.
And hello to everyone up and at ‘em and reading IPB! Sorry it took me so long to comment. I was doing my favorite library job — throwing out books! Heh heh heh.
So other then the hokey jokes and crazy weirdness that MD is, for a kids movie, it really isn’t that bad (for kids to watch). Still 6+ hours of it……REALLY BAD.
Wow.
I will expect you all to back me up during moody teenage years about the amazing parent I am. MD….gah.
Pookie has just reminded me, a.oil, of how we cleansed our brains after watching the Mighty Duck movies. We chased them with “Showgirls”. Did you try that last night? It really makes you aware of the high quality of the MD films.
No actually I didn’t, maybe that would have helped. I did however grab and old candy for your mind horribly written romance novel, that should have done it?
Today is a major packing day here. PP and I are about to become homeless. We have yet to find a suitable place to live and we have to be out of here by next Saturday, so, we are putting all of our stuff into storage and moving into the basement of a hockey friend. I really hate moving. Gah.
Oh god, a.oil — the housing situation is so awful! You have my neverending sympathy. When we moved out to AZ we had to spend 6 weeks living in our great-aunt’s house, with our 4 cats living in her garage. It was dreadful. I will direct all my “happy househunting” mental vibes your way.
(And horribly-written romance novels? Love ‘em!)
I feel for you, oil. The only thing worse than packing everything up is unpacking afterward. Yuck.
Packing and unpacking BLOW. We moved into stately IPB Manor over 1 1/2 years ago, and our garage is still full of boxes of books that are probably never going to be unpacked. (Not to mention the boxes of china in our guest room that have been saved for the kitchen remodel to get finished up. It’s 20 months and counting on that front…)
Before I happily divorced my husband we did our moves with a moving company. They came in and packed and then unpacked. It is about the only thing I miss about my marriage.
And horribly-written romance novels? Love ‘em!
I am a crazy reader, pretty much anything I can get my hands on. Not real particular, since I tend to go through books like water, my reading taste has become quite basic. Does it have a Title? Does it have words? Great. I will read it.
We actually bought stately IPB Manor with the intention of moving Boomer back here from the desert. So she hired a moving company to pack her stuff up, and when we got around to unpacking it we couldn’t figure out what they’d done. They did the most haphazard and random job — it was like they smashed up every room in her house and just jumbled all the objects in them together. And they broke her nice globe, by packing it in a box with a heavy, sharp-cornered bookend. Jerks.
I am a crazy reader, pretty much anything I can get my hands on.
I used to be much more voracious (limiting my reading pretty much to romance and non-fiction), but then I finally read a romance novel so poorly written that I got angry, declared, “Hell, I can do better than that”, and started writing. No, the romance novel I wrote was no better, and, obviously, will never be published. But now I have a tendency to park myself in front of the computer rather than reading. And what do I write? IPB content and such socially redeemable works as “Shattuck Boys” and “Chasing Sidney”. I think I need to start reading more.
You have to be really careful. We have had them pack trashcans with trash in them. Once we bought donuts for the movers and us and they actually packed them! The worst was the time we moved to Hawaii and they packed all of our important documents (birth certificates, plane information, etc). I was pregnant with PP at the time and it had all my medical documents that I had to give to the doctors once I arrived in Hawaii. Might I add, moving 7 months pregnant is not a good plan.
Grace – sorry I fell asleep on you last night, I was watching a recording of the awards show since I didn’t catch it Saturday and yep, it really was that boring.
And you’re from Boston? I’m from Detroit, but I’m actually planning to go to grad school in Boston in a few years :)
And uh, morning everyone else!
Morning Steph!
Steph: No worries! You’ve hit upon a great cure for insomnia–probably the best use those awards shows can be put to. As for grad school, Boston certainly is a great place to do it. I read some crazy statistic about there being a student population of 200,000 (and 50 colleges/universities) in the greater metro area, and I believe it. What do you want to study?
Seriously! I’m going to have to keep this tape – there’s nothing that puts me to sleep like hearing each award presenter top the previous at being horrendously boring and eighteen interviews with Sidney in which he says the same thing every time.
I’m really looking to do a creative writing MFA and Emerson is my top choice. Actually I’ve looked at quite a few different schools but uh, outside of U of Minnesota (and I would put forth that it hardly counts) none of them are in hockey cities, and I’m not sure I could manage :b Plus Emerson really does look perfect.
none of them are in hockey cities, and I’m not sure I could manage
When we were in the “Huh, wanna live in another part of the country?” stage of our lives, we quite seriously limited our choices to NHL cities. No matter how much everyone assures me a place like Portland would be perfect for me, I refuse to consider it because they don’t have NHL hockey. There is no shame in that! Right?
It is very difficult to live in a non-hockey city. We are 2 hours from Vancouver, so we can catch a game up there. Luckily we do have a kick ass local WHL team here, which means we can be season ticket holders without completely killing our bank account, so we make due.
a.oil, we consider living in the Princeton area as being NHL-abled, but we’re actually pretty close to 2 hours away from the Devils now for how bad the traffic is getting up there. (And I’ve mentioned before that we’re 45 minutes from the Flyers, but puh-lease!)
Well we still have to go through the border here to get to NHL hockey. I promised this year that PP can go to her first NHL game. She has never been, last year by the time I got around to getting a ticket pretty much everything was sold out at the GM. So this year we will get on it sooner.
A-Oil, I’m so sorry to hear about that sucky housing situation. As for packing, may I suggest turning it into a game? Like, “How would Chris Pronger pack? Now, do the opposite!” Or my favorite game, “Talk Like Sid While Doing the Chore I Don’t Want to Do”. Or pretend you’re Crunchy — “I just want to be the best box packer I possibly can be.”
I didn’t realize that Flyers were still considered NHL hockey. Sure they may play in the NHL but aren’t they more Junior B quality?
I think a border crossing is easier than navigating the parking lots at the Meadowlands these days! (We only went to one game this year, and it was insane. There’s this huge construction thing going on there, so half the parking lots are closed, and then they have the world’s least efficient parking garage now… it was terrible. The experience of trying to park was worse than the experience of watching the worst Devils loss I’ve seen in over 250 live games in my life.)
“I just want to be the best box packer I possibly can be.”
I am so going to repeat this mantra this afternoon. I love it! I will also be utilizing some bottles of wine (they make everything better). Would like to send you all some wonderful Walla Walla Wine to IPB Manor!
I didn’t realize that Flyers were still considered NHL hockey. Sure they may play in the NHL but aren’t they more Junior B quality?
BURN! (Although they are only one season removed from being a 100-point team, so I don’t think they really deserve the kind of scorn we normally reserve for St. Louis and Chicago…)
We have a local WHL team here in Everett and one in Seattle (about 25 minutes south of us). PP’s hockey association does skates inbetween periods at the games (it is cute 5 year olds playing a mini game – and it hits their target market to get people to have their kids join). We HATE the ones that are in Seattle. It is such a pain in the ass. Middle of downtown, find parking, trapse a kid, a hockey bag, a stick across the Seattle Center, etc….blah. I hate it. Luckily parking in Everett is plentiful (with in a block or two of the Arena) and at most it cost $5. That is my kind of hockey. :)
Oh, I was just there last night (the movie theater is, like Emerson, right on the Boston Common). The campus is pretty much smack dab in the middle of the city, right in the Theatre District. I love the Common and the Public Gardens.
As for being an NHL city…welllll…I guess you could say it is. Last season was a nightmare–I had to deal with my coworkers fits of rage at how bad the team was doing.
Sorry it took me so long to type all of this. My roommate is insisting that we eat. So much for the IPB Diet! See you girls in a bit!
Oh also might I add. Key Arena (the Seattle venue) got in a pissing match years ago when it was built and the builders specifically didn’t want to make it hockey friendly. So watching a hockey game there SUCKS. It wasn’t designed for it. I like to liken watching hockey in Seattle like a fat lady wearing spandex, it can be done…..but it shouldn’t.
Have a great lunch, Grace!
When we first moved to AZ we got Coyotes season tickets (figuring hockey is hockey is hockey. We were wrong.) and discovered how awful it is to watch the beautiful game in a non-hockey friendly arena. I’ve not been to the new one in Glendale yet, but man did they handcuff themselves by being stuck at America West for all those years. “A fat lady in spandex” is such an apt description!
Not only do I have to leave shortly for an 8 1/2 hour shift – longer than a day at my “real” job – I have to work the self-checkout today. A surprisingly high percentage of the grocery shopping population is way too stupid to use the self-checkout and also too stupid to recognize that they’re too stupid for it. Here’s to spending the day saying things like, “”M’am, your child cannot sit on the scale” while wanting to say, “What are you, a moron?”
Having spent most of my life in a non-hockey city, I know I could never, ever do that again. I love my husband even more for moving to Alabama to be near me because it meant giving up pretty much all regular hockey coverage. I mean, really… What was he thinking?
“Shattuck Boys”… Schnookie, please tell me you’re going to finish this work of art. You’ve made me hate my previously favorite Devil (thanks?) and you’ve made me fall in love with Paul Martin. I wouldn’t recognize Paul Martin if he walked through my living room in a jersey with “Martin” on the back, but I love him anyway. (The only “real” thing I know about him is that he trains with Thomas Vanek in the off-season.) Did you know that Crunchy’s dad really didn’t want him to play goalie?
I am a notoriously bad packer. One time, to the great delight of one of my friends who was helping me unpack at my new digs, I opened a box that contained, among other thing: my checkbook, a wooden spoon, all of my bras, and a small humidifier. I still take shit for that one. I would also like to state for the record that I do not live in a totally messy house, I just have a particularly, um, whimsical, approach to packing.
I am so sorry you have to move a.oil. I’ll be sending you soothing vibes.
“I just want to be the best box packer I possibly can be.”
Did Crunchy actually say “I just want to be the best goaltender I can be”, or is that one of those patented IPB “embellishments”? Is their video footage? :)
One of the best things about The Everett Events Center is that it was built specifically for the Silvertips and everything else secondary. So it is about 8,000+ seats (perfect size for a WHL team) and great tiering of seats. It is a beautiful and easy place to watch hockey and makes it really easy for fans to learn to love hockey. Silvertips were an expansion team started in 03. They have hung 4 banners already and had an amazing run. We typically have most weekends sold out and even during the week they typically have 6,000+ fans in the arena. The hockey fan base has grown leaps and bounds in the past couple of years here, which has been wonderful. It goes to show how much a good arena can help love a game. In Seattle they are lucky to get 1000+ fans in the seats.
Did Crunchy actually say “I just want to be the best goaltender I can be”, or is that one of those patented IPB “embellishments”? Is their video footage? :)
Kate, of COURSE Crunchy has said that. I’ll see if I can find some video proof.
Well I can understand the Crunchy Dad thing. Since Mags isn’t on right now, I will admit that when PP said she wanted to play hockey, the one rule was that she could NOT be a goalie.
Argh I really wish my computer would stop spontaneously overheating and then taking 10 minutes to restart.
But seriously…it’s hard enough being in Kalamazoo right now (2 1/2 hours from Detroit, 2 1/2 hours from Chicago) for school, I don’t think I could dedicate another 3-4 years to a non-hockey city. My heart goes out to Elly in Vermont, I don’t know how she manages.
And is it really Grace? I might have to harass you about the location and all that sometime :) My only problem now is that yeah okay it’s hockey (even if they’re doing poorly, I still have some weird affection for them, it’s probably Elly’s fault) but…but…you guys, this would be subjecting myself to all those previously mentioned years of……….Eastern Conference hockey. I might faint. I’m not sure I can handle it.
I believe that IPB can channel all of Crunchy’s inner thoughts. They are just that “in tune” with him and his organic self.
Heather, I proudly admit I am too stupid to use the self checkout. I will stand in line for hours at Whole Foods rather than use it. I am the person who, on the very first foodstuff, gets the “ALARM! ALARM!” message on the screen. I’m glad I can make your counterparts at my grocery store miserable.
Your husband has just officially earned “he’s a keeper!” status from me for having moved to the hockey dark side of the moon for you. Awwww!
And what is this? Zach Parise was your least favorite Devil? What in the heavens for? He’s so cute! How could anyone hate him? (He’s also, for being a pretty good player, really not that dangerous from an opponent’s standpoint.) And yes, even more than spreading PandoLove, we hope to expand PaulieMartinNation. He is underappreciated even in Devils circles. (I kind of did know that Crunchy’s dad didn’t want him to be a goalie, but that didn’t factor into my including that in Shattuck Boys. It was just a necessary element of the coming-of-age genre!) I do hope to finish SB some day (I have finally decided which character is going to die), but Chasing Sidney had my full attention right now…
Don’t get me wrong Heather, I can literally hear the words coming out of his mouth, it’s just that my “literal” memory, and actual “reality” don’t always mesh.
Katebits, that packing story is TOO funny! I think one of Boomer’s boxes may very well have had those same contents. And our house is that messy, so we have no excuse.
As for the Crunchy quote, a real staple of the Crunchy oeuvre is the “I just want to be the best professional hockey goaltender I can be”. I think the first time I encountered it was when he talked about his decision to leave college early. It is the most predictable of all the things he says. So next time you want to impress your friends while watching a clip of a Crunchy interview, jump in before the interviewer finishes the question and do your best Crunchy impression of him saying that. Then when Crunchy starts speaking, you’ll look prescient! (Pookie actually completely — and I mean 100%, to the letter — nailed what he was going to say in response to being voted the All-Star starter this year. So yeah, I guess we do really channel his inner thoughts. It’s just because we work hard every day to be the best Crunchy-channelers we can possibly be.)
Ha!
Oh my God! I still have so much to learn!
Schnookie, recoginizing that you’re too stupid to use the self-checkout is an important step and shows that you do have some intelligence atleast. On behalf of grocery store peons everywhere, I salute you!
No, Zach Parise was my favorite Devil – he’s adorable and I’m not ashamed to admit that that’s pretty much the basis of my affection – but you made him such a little doucebag. Perhaps he’ll be the stuck up snob who’s somewhat redeemed in the end though I can return to wanting to carry him around in my pocket.
And what is this? Zach Parise was your least favorite Devil?
Whoops! I totally misread your comment, Heather, and thought you said you had previously hated Zach. Obviously, I’m just hypersensitive to the thought that anyone could miss his golden-boy charms! (He has, at IPB Manor, perhaps the most complex mythology of all. He is an impossibly easy target for being painted the way he has been in Shattuck Boys. And it really gets Pookie’s goat when I do that, because he is kind of her Crunchy. In that somehow, despite both of us liking him, he’s sort of “hers”, if that makes any sense.)
I believe the actual quote from Crunchy was “I’m just trying to be the best professional goaltender I can be” or something like that. It was the uneccessary addition of the adjective “professional”that made that quote my favorite Crunchy quote until the introduction of “Life can’t just be driving around buying stuff”.
By the way, my greatest hope for Shattuck Boys, besides the spreading of PaulieMartinLove, is that the idea of Staffy being a cow-exploding pizza-stomper will take off. We spent almost the entire drive up to Buffalo this year pointing out cows and saying if Staffy was with us we’d have to pull over so he could set them on fire. We are very easily amused.
One of the things that you need to remember about me is that I don’t actually know really anything about hockey or the players. I’m like your incredibly retarded blank slate. Everything you tell me is filed away in my impressionable mind as absolute truth….which is quite hilarious when you think about it. For example, when reading Shattuck Boys, I took it at face value that Staffy is a serial cow arsonist. I mean, sure, yeah, that guy sets fire to cows. No problem.
Okay, having not actually been able to read any of this yet due to my current loaner computer’s burning passionate hatred of all things pdf, I just want to say that thanks to Katebits’ last comment, I am now cursing this stupid thing that much harder. Give me my real computer back, stupid repair store!
It was the uneccessary addition of the adjective “professional”…
Unnecessary?! Crunchy doesn’t want to be the best Timbits goaltender or the best college goaltender! No, he wants to be the best of the best! If he doesn’t use “professional,” you might not grasp the seriousness and intensity of his dreams and that just wouldn’t be right.
I mean, sure, yeah, that guy sets fire to cows. No problem.
I, uh, sometimes find myself unable to remember that Staffy is not a cow arsonist. Or that Paul Martin and Crunchy didn’t go to Shattuck (which is, by the way, a real school. They have a crazy hockey program there that’s run by Zach and Jordan Parise’s ex-NHLer dad. And Staffy and Sid also went there for reals, Sid for just one year). Or that they don’t wear Eton-style morning coats there. And I have no excuse, because I both know a great deal about hockey, and also made all that shit up myself. I think I’m borderline delusionally fantasy-prone. That’s a psychological condition, right? I need help. Maybe spending some time with Crunchy in a daisy field will help me? (Because if there’s anyone in the world who doesn’t suffer from an overactive imagination, it would be him.)
Unnecessary?! Crunchy doesn’t want to be the best Timbits goaltender or the best college goaltender! No, he wants to be the best of the best! If he doesn’t use “professional,” you might not grasp the seriousness and intensity of his dreams and that just wouldn’t be right.
Heather, you just won the “Comment That Made Schnookie Laugh Out Loud The Hardest” award.
Steph, would your computer be able to handle Shattuck Boys in Word?
He has, at IPB Manor, perhaps the most complex mythology of all. He is an impossibly easy target for being painted the way he has been in Shattuck Boys. And it really gets Pookie’s goat when I do that, because he is kind of her Crunchy.
Here’s the thing about Zach: our first real introduction to him as someone other than “that dude who played better than Sid opening night but then sort of disappeared” was a NYT article about composite sticks. Everyone else quoted talked about how the stick perform. Zach was quoted talking about how much the sticks cost. Then, in the course of doing some, er, Cultural Learning Through Hockey, I read an article about him going to Shattuck that was all just quotes from him and his dad about how much the tuition costs. Thus was born the mythology of the stuck up rich kid.
Added to that is the fact that it’s so easy to imagine him crying if he doesn’t get his way. His little eyes welling up, his little feet stamping in petulance. I started Robert Caro’s “The Power Broker” this summer, and there was a description of Robert Moses being told no while standing at an indoor swimming pool. Caro described his fists clutching powerlessly at his sides, his collar wilting in the humidity, his face scrunching up in anger. And I was like, “Is it bad that I’m imaging Zach Parise here?”
I do believe Wrod is still properly functioning – and I would be more than willing to try, given that I have just received news that the idiotic repair company orderd the wrong part, and I now have to sit at home and wait for the right one for an extra 2-3 days. Grrr, incompetance.
Luckily we have Heather around to make comments that at least momentarily make me forget my hatred.
Well, Steph, if you’d like a copy of this masterwork, just email me at interchangeablepartsblog[at]gmail[dot]com and I’ll send it back your way as a Word attachment! (I would be raging incoherently, by the way, if my computer was out of commission as long as yours has been. That’s unreasonable that anyone should be expected to live that way!)
I have also requested the copy (in pdf form). Waiting patiently for it.
Can I tell you how hard it was to contribute to the Sabres game diaries without being able to reference “Staffy stomp now!”? That’s really all I can think of when I see Staffy. So now I’m glad next season it can be all stomp this, stomp that when Staffy’s on the ice.
I have also requested the copy (in pdf form). Waiting patiently for it.
I think Schnookie just went to cook lunch; when she gets back I’m sure she’ll send it your way!
You mean Schnookie isn’t always next to the computer jumping on our every request?
Oh, and Heather, your professional/Timbits goalie comment also won a hearty laugh from me. And I needed it. Today’s turned into a bit of a disaster — thanks to my idiot coworker being a jackass, I just got cheated out of the second half of my lunch hour. I’d call him a doucherocket, but that’s too nice a word for him.
You mean Schnookie isn’t always next to the computer jumping on our every request?
Just most of the time! She and I are both avid needleworkers, but thanks to IPB neither of us has been willing to put the computer down to pick the needle up in, what it’s now, 3 months? Good thing our walls are already covered in completed projects so we’re not pressured to finish anything anymore!
Ih I’ve raged. Believe me, I have raged. (It’s actually been since the very end of March, for those interested parties, but this computer actually worked for the first month or so, which made it marginally more bearable). And I’ll get right on that, thanks Schnookie!
Smells good in here. What’s for lunch? :)
Oh wow, sorry all my comments are coming out so typotastic, the display driver on this thing just kicked it again and seeing everything in 4 bit color is not really helping my typing skills.
Okay, I’m back! One lunch of sauteed kale and garlic — check! One pdf of Shattuck Boys emailed to a.oil — check! I think I’m set now.
I have it in hand….preparing to read, although I need to go drop Nat off for a day of golf, may have to delay the reading.
Take your time, a.oil. There’s no pressure. But there will be a Shattuck Boys test in the coming days, with millions of IPBucks on the line! ;-)
there will be a Shattuck Boys test
Fill in the blank:
There had never been so magnificent a(n) ________
a) electric oboe
b) flaming cow
c) monocle brow
d) caboose
I am prepared.
I will take those IPBucks……
I think the answer (having not read it) should be….ALL OF THE ABOVE>
anyone of those things are magnificent
It’s definitely true, a.oil, that all of those things are magnificently magnificent!
By the way, I don’t think I ever said how much I enjoyed this post. I’m a sucker for those guys who don’t show up on the scoresheet very much but would be desperately missed by the team if they weren’t there. I think Jochen Hecht is the Sabres’ version of Pando, not in the way he plays, but in the sense that he does more than a lot of people give him credit for. The one good thing about Briere leaving would be Yo-Yo probably moving from the number one line to the shut-down line which is where he should be IMO.
Off to work! Here’s hoping I don’t throw anything at anyone before the night’s through!
Have fun at work, Heather (in as much as that’s possible)!
(And yes, it’s the unsung guys I love the best. Which is why I love the Devils. Even with 3 Cups the entire organization is unsung!)
Schnookie, not true! The Devils have gotten all the credit in the world for boring, soul-killing, trapping defense! Or is that not what you meant?
Schnookie, not true! The Devils have gotten all the credit in the world for boring, soul-killing, trapping defense! Or is that not what you meant?
Ha. Ha.
(Actually, that just made me laugh out loud. Have a great day at work!)
Schnookie, not true! The Devils have gotten all the credit in the world for boring, soul-killing, trapping defense! Or is that not what you meant?
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Yeah, why is it when the Devils do it it’s “trapping”, but when the Red Wings do it it’s “the left-wing lock”?
My favorite story of the Devils trapping is from the 2000 playoffs. In the second round the Devs eliminated the Maple Leafs in 6 games, famously allowing only 6 shots in the final game of that series. And afterwards the Toronto media made this huge stink about how terrible the game had been because of the Devils smothering, hockey-killing trap. Our brilliant friend Morgan (of SPECTRE co-authorship fame) had this response: “You can’t trap when you have the puck for the entire game.”
Hahaha, Heather that was marvelous.
Yeah, why is it when the Devils do it it’s “trapping”, but when the Red Wings do it it’s “the left-wing lock”?
Ohhhh no you didn’t :b
Hey folks! I’m back! I lived to tell the tale of rookie day, and now I’m going to catch up on the comments.
Schnookie, I can still email in for the Shattuk boys things right? Because I’m dead curious now.
Shattuck. I can spell. Really.
Steph, oh yes I did! (And furthermore, why was it just “sound defensive hockey” when the Stars were winning with it in the late ’90s?)
Mags, Shattuck Boys is available to anyone, anytime! (Just let me know if you’ve emailed and are waiting for it. I’m not currently logged into IPB’s email because I’m gtalking with Pookie in my regular email right now…)
Oh, and I’m glad you survived the rookie day, Mags! Although I have to admit I’m a little disappointed you didn’t send me a shout-out by falling asleep on the cross-country…
Yay, party! I did just email, but I’m not in a hurry. I’ll live off the comment thread for now ;)
Is nearly drowning when we got hit with a thunderstorm in the middle of the run good enough? Trust me, I’ve never been in such a hurry to get out of a lake in my entire life.
Congrats, Mags, on surviving rookie day!
I’ll take nearly drowning as a shout-out. Thanks!
Well FINE! While I would love to type up a brilliant, eloquent, and well thought-out discourse on the various attributes of the left-wing lock, but my dad has just thrown the motorcycle keys and some money at me and informed me to go “buy something to barbeque”, so I will tragically not be able to finish – at least not until I get back. Someday I am going to get in trouble for not having an actual license to drive this thing, but in the meantime, hey, at least being home waiting for my computer means I get good free food.
And HI MAGS! Glad you’re alive :)
As aggrieved as you are justified in being, Steph, you really can’t complain about free food, can you? I hope you are able to safely duck the law while on a BBQ run on that illegal motorcycle! And I totally can’t wait to hear a brilliant, eloquent and well-thought-out discourse on the various attributes of the left-wing lock. Like that it’s just a cutesy name for trapping.
I really can’t – especially when it’s whatever I feel like buying and especially when this means I can make my way all the way down to the amazing fresh market the likes of which my college town does not believe in (I swear, the Meijer produce aisle is the best you get in the whole town). And you better be ready for it. Because it’s going to be brilliant, and eloquent, and well thought out. I’d like to see you try that with your “trapping” nonsense!
See you all in a bit!
Speaking of packing and unpacking, I have packed and unpacked my house several times and never actually moved. I HATE packing so much, I just can’t express it in words.
Back when I had most of the walls in the house professionally painted, I had to pack up everything in those rooms then unpack it again when they were done.
Then, a year later, I pulled up all the ratty carpet to expose the original oak floors, so I had to have those refinished. Packed everything up again. Had to hire a mover to move all my furniture into the garage, then two weeks later move it all back into the house.
Then, in January, I finally got to the point of actually remodelling the kitchen. So I had to pack everything in the kitchen into boxes and stack them in other parts of the house.
Now, I’m finally unpacking for what I hope is the last time for a while, at least in this house. And a lot of it I’m just unpacking and throwing in the trash, I’m so sick of it. :D
Patty, that’s terrible! Stately IPB Manor needs it’s floors refinished but now I’m like, “Wait, we have to pack everything up? Forget it.”
My eloquent argument about trapping is that EVERYONE does it. Even, yes, the high-flying Sabres. And furthermore, most successful teams before the Dynastic Oilers did it, too. The Devils didn’t invent it, and they’re not the only team to do it. FURTHERMORE, when they were at the heights of their Cup-winning, allegedly-trapping powers, they were actually leading the league in scoring. So what, pray tell, is boring about that? Just suck it up, main-stream media, and admit you just don’t like the Devils because Lou Lamoriello is impossible to deal with. I’m fine with them trashing us at every opportunity because our GM/President/CEO/Evil Overlord makes their jobs difficult. But to get on the Devils for something for which they are simultaneously praising sexier, more media-friendly teams elsewhere (ahem, Detroit) is patently ridiculous. So there. (That was neither brilliant, eloquent nor well thought-out. My bad.)
And oh the fresh food! The farm season at my CSA has finally started, and I am just wriggling with happiness about it. The leafy greens! The fresh-cut herbs! The vast variety of succulent produce! It’s heaven, I tells ya!
Patty, my head hurts thinking of all that packing and unpacking! And yeah, I look at our shoddy, craptacular floors and think, “We never have company over, so if I can live with them like this, do we really need to have them refinished?” (Being an inveterate kitchen remodeler, I have to ask — are you in love with your new kitchen? Ours is currently in the “inside out” stage of being remodeled [fridge is in the sunroom. China is in boxes in the guest room. Cabinets have been emptied onto the dining room table. Etc, etc], and I am just atwitter with excitement about every day’s new improvements. The new cabinets are going up next week!)
On average I move once every two years (my dad moves around a lot so I’ve been a lot of places). The longest I’ve ever spent living in a place was 4 years I think. The house my parents live in now. I’ve moved 3 times since I started university last September. But I bought a house in February, so once that’s done (soon actually, 3 more weeks or so) I’ll probably stay for a long time. I don’t even notice the packing and unpacking anymore.
I admit that I don’t like the Devils because Lou Lamoriello is impossible to deal with. He makes my daily life difficult in a variety of ways.
Trapping is a charming maneuver that has fit quite well into my busy lifestyle. The left-wing lock is vulgar, at best.
Also, Drew Stafford is a menace and a danger to cows everywhere.
I admit that I don’t like the Devils because Lou Lamoriello is impossible to deal with. He makes my daily life difficult in a variety of ways.
Actually, it’s funny, Katebits. Lou’s big line is that he refers to his team as an orchestra. No joke. In order to justify making players abide by his system he’s constantly pulling out lines like, “Each playah in the orchestra must play his part” blah blah blah.
Staffy is a menace; he should attend IPB’s Stop Burning Cows Therapy. It’s taught by me. In the StaffyBunker. He’ll feel so at home!
I admit that I don’t like the Devils because Lou Lamoriello is impossible to deal with. He makes my daily life difficult in a variety of ways.
I love it!
(To clarify for those who don’t follow the Devils really closely, Lou seems to think hockey is best played in a vacuum. The Devils do nothing to coddle the media people covering them. They limit access to the players and coaching staff as much as is legal within the League’s rules, and probably have the cheapest food spread in the entire NHL. They work really, really hard to be as bland and uninteresting as possible, thereby forcing the writers to actually have to, I don’t know, think of their own material to write rather than relying on a bunch of pithy quotes to serve as column filler. And yes, I’ll admit, they’re really boring. That’s why we ended up doing nothing but game diaries. We ran out of stuff to say after Devils games. It was always either, “They won. Again. The D was great,” or “They lost. Again. They need more scoring.” And we only started blogging when there were 7 games left in the season. So I can see why the media hates us, and Lou. But it’s not cool to blame it on the trap and then pretend no one else is playing it!)
First, lemme make a suggestion about the floors, Schnookie. If you do have them refinished, try to scrape together the extra money to get someone that does the “dustless” kind. I think I paid about 10% extra for that and it was TOTALLY WORTH IT. My mom just recently had the floors in one room in her house refinished and there was, literally, a quarter of an inch of dust on everything else in her house when they were finished. And by dust, I mean sawdust, and by literally, I mean literally.
You might still have to swiffer the walls and doors, but that’s about it.
As for the kitchen, I have to say that it took me a little time, but I do love it. Going through it a little at a time makes you lose a little of the awareness of how much better it is. I wanted everything to be perfect, so if the painter missed a spot, or the seam in the countertop wasn’t completely invisible, I was dejected at first. And every little thing that didn’t turn out like I wanted it to brought me close to tears. Then one day I happened to look at my “before” pictures and that made me fall in love with my new kitchen. Also, once people started coming over to see it, that didn’t have to experience all the “during” stuff, they would just gush about how beautiful it is. So yes, I just love it.
I’ll be spending the next couple of years just sitting around, though, while I pay it all off.
Holy crow, you really did make Staffy a psycho!
I have no problem with the way Lou is. They feed me just enough about the team to let my mind make up the rest. What would I do with all those lectures l if I didn’t have stuff to make up about the Devils?
But I bought a house in February, so once that’s done (soon actually, 3 more weeks or so) I’ll probably stay for a long time.
Congrats on buying a house, Mags! When Pookie and I bought our first place we also thought we’d be there for a while… we lied. We sold the place and moved into stately IPB Manor within 2 years. But I’m sure you’ll stay put in your wonderful new house! (And we’ve vowed to stay at stately IPB Manor for the rest of our lives. We planted a bunch of apple trees to ensure we’ll stick around because we want to see them grown up. That’ll keep us from getting itchy feet, right? Right?)
Lou’s big line is that he refers to his team as an orchestra. No joke. In order to justify making players abide by his system he’s constantly pulling out lines like, “Each playah in the orchestra must play his part” blah blah blah.
No WONDER we’ve been playing the trap defense at work these days! Our conductor must be attending the same work seminars as Lou! You should see how frustrated our opposing orchestras get when we huddle up in the middle of the stage like that. Listen, it’s not exciting music making, but it gets the job done.
Staffy is a menace; he should attend IPB’s Stop Burning Cows Therapy.
I might have to start burning cows so that I can attend that seminar.
I get sick of hearing people complain about the trap, too. I love defensive hockey. It might be because I learned how to watch hockey from the Stars, but I love it.
I am just as thrilled when the opponents power play can’t even get past the blue line, let alone “set up”. And I think there’s beauty in the defensive steal and the frustrating of namby-pamby offensive specialists.
The Stars have similar PR problems as the Devils, in that everyone says they’re boring, when really they’re not. We have plenty of puck-handling defensemen and flashy skaters.
We had a little trouble scoring this year, but we scored like crazy last year and it didn’t do us any more good.
Patty, we’re on our second kitchen remodel (the other was in a different house — we’re not crazy); the last time around I remember coming home from work on the day they finally put the cabinet fronts on. It was the moment the kitchen was pretty much done — new floors, new counter, new cabinets… and I walked in and just burst into tears because it looked AWFUL. All that money and aggravation and soul-crushingness of the “during” had yielded something that wasn’t what I’d hoped it would be. I think I was still sobbing when Pookie got home an hour later. But then the crew came back the next day and put the trim on and everything came together like that. It was so weird. But I also remember really, really resenting the sloppy grout on the edges of our backsplash, and some little paint issues. It’s so frustrating when it’s not all perfect. I’m hoping my previous experiences will have me prepared for this job’s shortcomings — although we’re paying about 5 times more for this kitchen than we did last time, so maybe I won’t be!
And I’m making a mental note. DUSTLESS. DUSTLESS. DUSTLESS.
And yes, Mags, it’s much more fun being able to employ the old overactive imagination when thinking about your hockey team. I mean, what do those people with limitless behind-the-scenes access to their boys do with their time?
This game of comparing orchestras to hockey teams is totally going to consume my afternoon…..I’m seeing visions of violinist wearing hockey padding, and hockey players using trombones to blast away their opponents……so now I love Lou!
I might have to start burning cows so that I can attend that seminar.
Anything for Staffy?
Schnookie, I hope I stay in my house for at least the duration of my masters. Which is about 5 years. After that I’ll see where I want to go to work (I actually want to move back to Halifax or Morristown, I’m always happy when I’m there, but we’ll see what happens). I totally echo your kitchen excitement though, I got so happy when I went to check up on the house and saw they’d put in the stove and all the countertops. Or when they out the wallpaper up in my bedroom. I love my house. (It is however another one of those things my friend Suzie has added to her [very irritating] “List of things Mags and Sid have in common”: both bought a house before they were 19)
The longest I’ve ever spent living in a place was 4 years I think.
Mags, I’m the same way. I’ve lived here for 5 years and it broke my previous record of 4 1/2.
No WONDER we’ve been playing the trap defense at work these days! Our conductor must be attending the same work seminars as Lou! You should see how frustrated our opposing orchestras get when we huddle up in the middle of the stage like that. Listen, it’s not exciting music making, but it gets the job done.
Yeah, if you just clog up the middle and work the system right, the music will take care of itself!
Patty, I’m glad to know there’s someone else out there who finds defensive hockey interesting! Okay, let me clarify: I find winning interesting. I mean, yeah, the Devils are boring. There are no ifs ands or buts about it. But what gets me is that other boring, trapping teams (Dallas, Vancouver, et al) are just considered “boring, trapping teams”. The Devils, meanwhile, are (per the Hockey News) “killing hockey”. WTF? And last year the Devils didn’t even trap very well!
The Devils, meanwhile, are (per the Hockey News) “killing hockey”
Everyone thought DaVinci was crazy too.
And yes, Mags, it’s much more fun being able to employ the old overactive imagination when thinking about your hockey team. I mean, what do those people with limitless behind-the-scenes access to their boys do with their t
Well, mostly Crunchy and I just braid eachother’s hair and drive around buying stuff, but Goose and I play a lot of scrabble.
“List of things Mags and Sid have in common”
I hope included on that list is: “Both go to Giovanni to meet all their caboose-draping needs”. :P
Well, mostly Crunchy and I just braid eachother’s hair and drive around buying stuff
I keep asking him where those braids are coming from (because lord knows I didn’t give them to him), and Crunchy keeps telling me he did them himself. Something about, “I’m just trying to be the best long-haired guy I can possibly be.” I knew I shouldn’t have believed him.
I hope included on that list is: “Both go to Giovanni to meet all their caboose-draping needs”. :P
Actually, if you want a caboose adequetly draped, I would strongly suggest going to someone other than Giovanni.
I grew up with remodeling parents. They even bought houses for that specific purpose. But they did it all themselves. I had to hire “professionals” and it took some getting used to.
I have a 1955 ranch house and I have a vintage 50s gas range that I bought, and had in the garage for two years before I started the remodel. And I designed the whole kitchen based on that stove.
I was so excited when they hooked it up and the burners lit and everything. But that first night I thought I was going to die in my sleep. The five (!) standing pilot lights were burning off all the dust that had accumulated and it smelled terrible. I was sure it was poisonous.
Then I tried to actually use it, and the five pilots kept the kitchen warm (this is summer in Texas) and it was big and clunky and I decided I didn’t like it in real life. So I bought a stove from Italy off the internet. I was afraid I had really ruined the whole thing, after all that, but it turned out good. I love the new stove. And it still goes with the style.
So, ya gotta be flexible.
Goose and I play a lot of scrabble.
Goose says, “Letters are the foundation of Scrabble.”
Actually, if you want a caboose adequetly draped, I would strongly suggest going to someone other than Giovanni.
But did you see the sidevents Giovanni put on Sid’s tuxedo coat? Those were a marvel of sartorial engineering!
I hope included on that list is: “Both go to Giovanni to meet all their caboose-draping needs”. :P
It doesn’t. But it does say “need to have their jeans adjusted because nothing on the planet suits their caboose” and “wear far too many black shirts” if that’s close enough.
Goose says, “Letters are the foundation of Scrabble.”
I don’t know why but I just lost my diet coke over that comment.
I keep asking him where those braids are coming from (because lord knows I didn’t give them to him), and Crunchy keeps telling me he did them himself. Something about, “I’m just trying to be the best long-haired guy I can possibly be.” I knew I shouldn’t have believed him.
Yeah, and every time he comes back to my house with the monocle and I ask him where it came from, he says “I just want to be the jauntiest goalie I can be.” Whenever he says that I feel a little suspicious.
HE’S PLAYING US SCHNOOKIE!
Patty, what a drag about the stove! I think I would have wept bitter tears of blood if that had happened to me. (As it stands, I have to suck it up that we don’t have gas here at stately IPB Manor and I have to cook with an electric stove. I feel like the culinary police are going to kick down my door one of these days and arrest me.)
Goose says, “Letters are the foundation of Scrabble.”
Goose learned that from me.
Okay, this has been bothering me: who is Giovanni? Some famous designer?
And Steph, feel free to email me at any time: graceecho@gmail.com.
And S, may I have a copy of SB, too? I just realized that I left out the “blog” in the email address the first time.
Goose says, “Letters are the foundation of Scrabble.”
And he also uses the Scrabble games to improve the Pommerdoodle’s vocabulary.
I want to know how Staffy became a cow-burning psycho. May I have a copy of “Shattuck Boys” emailed to me, please?
HE’S PLAYING US SCHNOOKIE!
*Lip quivering pathetically*
But… but… his sincerity! His utter earnestness! These are reasons I fell in love with him in the first place! How can this be? Since when is Crunchy a playah’s playah? That’s all Pando!
Okay, this has been bothering me: who is Giovanni? Some famous designer?
Grace, I googled “Giovanni” (sad but true) and found no evidence that such a designer exists. I think that Sidney just blurted out a designerly sounding name in a panic.
I suspect he meant Georgio Armani.
But what gets me is that other boring, trapping teams (Dallas, Vancouver, et al) are just considered “boring, trapping teams”.
The reason that’s all they say about us, is that nobody at the Hockey News watches Stars games. They just think back to the Cup Year and then say, “Oh, yeah, and the Stars are boring, too.”
Okay, this has been bothering me: who is Giovanni? Some famous designer?
I think he’s someone who specializes in building pants that are especially roomy in the rear. (I have no idea if he’s an actual designer, or if he’s just Sid’s tailor, or if he’s just some unfortunate flack in the Crosby Machine who has the miserable gig of letting out the seats of all of Sid’s pants.)
I mean Giorgio. I swear, despite the fact that I’ve made two spelling errors in this thread, that I can really spell.
I think that Sidney just blurted out a designerly sounding name in a panic.
I suspect he meant Georgio Armani.
I don’t know which is worse! What on earth are his handlers doing?
I think that Sidney just blurted out a designerly sounding name in a panic.
I’m inclined to agree with you, Kate, but then it makes me wonder even more why it’s so hard for him to blurt out “Nickelback” in panic when asked what music he listens to.
Giovanni is a famed caboose tailor. He is highly specialized and in great demand. Sadly for the rest of the large caboose community, Sid the Kid has procured his services for the next 93 years.
I’m inclined to agree with you, Kate, but then it makes me wonder even more why it’s so hard for him to blurt out “Nickelback” in panic when asked what music he listens to
He can’t remember Nickelback Pookie! If he tried to say “Nickelback” he’d end up blurting something like “Dimeshoulder”.
Pfuuu, I don’t care what any of you say, but Sid’s stylist made a decent choice. Armani happens to make rather nice menswear.
why it’s so hard for him to blurt out “Nickelback” in panic when asked what music he listens to.
Maybe he doesn’t listen to any other music than what comes on in the Arena, and they never really tell you what song that is.
Okay, this has been bothering me: who is Giovanni? Some famous designer?
I thought he meant Versace, but I just looked it up and his first name is Gianni. Shows how much I know.
Maybe it’s his buddy from the neighborhood.
Well, I suspect Sid meant to say Giovanni because he said the same thing when asked about his suit on the red carpet at the All-Star Game. He probably thinks it sounds really fancy and designer-like, when really his suits come from the “Squat And Caboosey Men’s Suit Warehouse” in Cole Harbour.
HA!
“Squat And Caboosey Men’s Suit Warehouse”
We guarantee you’ll like the way your caboose doesn’t bust out of your pants.
“Squat And Caboosey Men’s Suit Warehouse”
Killing me.
“Squat And Caboosey Men’s Suit Warehouse”
We guarantee you’ll like the way your caboose doesn’t bust out of your pants.
Sid needs to get his money back.
Excuse me, I have to be off to marvel at the happiness that just came in the mail. Be back in 30.
Sid needs to get his money back.
Aw, poor Sid! I thought he looked much better this year than he did last. Giovanni really calmed down the extras — Sid looked a lot less like he was wearing overdone matting from a fancy picture-framing job.
Excuse me, I have to be off to marvel at the happiness that just came in the mail.
You’re going to leave us with that? No further explanation?
It’s like trying to remember who was in a particular movie. I won’t rest until I figure out who “Giovanni” is.
Is it Giovanni Valentino?
His site is so artsy, I can’t find whether they specialize in caboose drapes or not.
You’re going to leave us with that? No further explanation?
You’ll laugh at me. I know that for a fact.
You’ll laugh at me. I know that for a fact.
That didn’t stop me from confessing my love of Crunchy in this space. It didn’t stop us from deciding to go all fangirl in general for the world to see. It didn’t keep us from starting up IPB at all. Never be afraid of being laughed at! Because as long as you’re laughing at, too, then it becomes “laughing with”. At least, that’s what I tell myself.
Okay everyone, having encoutered zero cops and not crashing once, my motorcycle escapades have come to an end, and I am back! Of course, everyone scowled at me when I arrived having bought things like edamame, but they were happy enough with the ribs that I think we should be good.
Mmmm… edamame!
I’m glad you made it back in one piece, Steph!
You’ll laugh at me. I know that for a fact.
Is it daisy seeds for your Penalty Box field? I ordered mine yesterday!
Okay everyone, having encoutered zero cops and not crashing once, my motorcycle escapades have come to an end, and I am back!
Welcome back. I’m glad you’re alive too.
Is this mystery mail item more or less embarrassing than mailing out, to relative strangers, your 25,000 word fanfic boarding school coming-of-age novel about Ryan Miller?
Oh come on Mags, there is nothing in the world that would give me the right to laugh at you. Did you SEE that silly singles profile I agreed to? I think I could literally see my dignity slipping away piece by piece. It was waving goodbye and telling me it would see me when every moment of my existance stopped being one big Ales Hemsky love-fest.
I think I could literally see my dignity slipping away piece by piece.
Ah, dignity. I think I used to have that. Back when I was, like, 6. It’s been a long time, though, since it and I have been in each other’s company.
It was on sale! How do you resist that? I also bought such manly grilling things as ribs and corn on the cob, they can indulge my love of soybean.
Is this mystery mail item more or less embarrassing than mailing out, to relative strangers, your 25,000 word fanfic boarding school coming-of-age novel about Ryan Miller?
At least you don’t burn cows Schnookie.
Mags! Reveal the mystery item!
Yeah, I think mine was waving, as it disappeared off into the sunset. It’s hard to tell when it’s no longer made up of anything but gaunt, emaciated looking shreds and some dustbunnies.
A friend bought me a real life official Brodeur Jersey because I’m an insane Marty fangirl and I made the national squad, and then he went and got Marty to sign it. (this man is a Rangers fan, you cannot believe to degree to which I am in awe). I have a signed Brodeur Jersey. Ok. That’s all.
You know, you people would be very inspirational if I wasn’t such a coward.
Steph, I was being very serious about loving the edamame (and edamame on sale? Even better!!)! It was included one year in my farm membership, but only that one year. So now every year without it is a disappointment to me. (And one of our cats. She is crazy about soybeans.) But I’m also glad to hear of the manly grill stuff, too.
That is not even remotely embarrassing Mags.
The degree to which it made me happy is. I’m sitting here hugging it. It’s somewhat insane.
Are you rolling around in a daisy field with it?
Aww.
Mags and a Brodeur jersey, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!
(I’m trying to up the embarrassing ante for ya here Mags.)
Mags, that’s awesome!
We love looking at NHLer’s autographs and laughing at what it looks like they spell. Like Peter Forsberg’s makes it look like his name is Babar Feesberg. And Zach Parise’s looks like Zed Pie.
I have a signed Brodeur Jersey. Ok. That’s all.
You are embarrassed about this? FYI, I have a signed Pando sweater, and the best part about it is that we had our crazy ex-roommate get it signed for me, and she made him write “To Liz [uh, I mean, "Schnookie"], Go Shazam Dogs. Jay Pandolfo”. The Shazam Dog thing is part of our crazy Pando mythology (we like to call BU’s mascot, the Boston Terrier, a shazam dog), and our crazy ex-roommate actually told him while getting the autograph, “Write ‘go shazam dogs’, you know — like Boston University!” So I can only hope Pando either thought to himself, “No I don’t know, you crazy, crazy bitch”, or is, to this very day, wondering “What in the hell is a shazam dog, and what does it have to do with BU?”
Thanks Kate, I’m laughing now :P
Rolling daisy fields is reserved for actual people XP
Oh my god Schnookie I thought my cat was crazy for liking soybeans, but now I find out that he is not the only one! This is a momentous day! (Although really, I think my cat is still insane.)
And that is so sad! I hardly ever get to have edamame because as I whined before, Kalamazoo is not known for its wide variety of available fresh fruits and vegetables, but I usually spring for it when I go out for Japanese food or I’m across state and have access because it’s sooo tasty.
And Mags! That is awesome! I am pretty much having to sell my soul to a friend going to Prague this summer (oh how I wish I would have been smart enough to do this on my own last year) to get me a jersey from Hemsky’s Czech Extraligua team however many years ago, and this is a guy who is still full of Oilers hate over the Wings getting knocked out last year so I can appreciate the awesome :)
That’s not insane at all!
If I were in your position (and we replaced Brodeur’s name with Boucher), I’d be reacting in a very similar manner.
The Shazam Dog thing is part of our crazy Pando mythology (we like to call BU’s mascot, the Boston Terrier, a shazam dog), and our crazy ex-roommate actually told him while getting the autograph, “Write ‘go shazam dogs’, you know — like Boston University!”
I’m not sure it came across enough in Schnookie’s comment that the crazy ex-roommate was not aware of the fact that it was mythology. I think she actually thought the phrase “shazam dog” meant something to Pando as a BU grad.
Alright y’all, I’ve got to go play the trap defense, um, I mean the viola for a few hours. Don’t leave Mags alone with that jersey for too long….she’s liable to do something actually embarrassing sooner or later!
Steph, I only found out our cat liked soybeans because she was begging from me and I was like, “It’s soybeans, you stupid cat. You don’t even like them,” and I tossed a few for her. And she was like, “Who’s stupid now, bee-yotch?” When we get them from our nearby Japanese restaurant, this cat just goes berserk for them. They are her very favorite food. Of course, we have another cat that spazzes for cantaloupe, so the edamame isn’t even the most remarkable strange cat favorite food in our house.
A Czech Extraligua Hemsky sweater! That would be awesome!
I’m not sure it came across enough in Schnookie’s comment that the crazy ex-roommate was not aware of the fact that it was mythology. I think she actually thought the phrase “shazam dog” meant something to Pando as a BU grad.
See because of you guys when I meet Crunchy I’ll ask him to sign my jersey, “To Katebits, eat yogurt covered raisins, Crunchy Miller.” And when I meet Staffy I’ll start screaming “Cows are for eating, not for burning!”
And when I meet Staffy I’ll start screaming “Cows are for eating, not for burning!”
That’ll just make Staffy mad. And you know what happens when Staffy gets mad: STAFFY STOMP!
Wanna hear something embarrassing? I had a new front door and a new patio door installed last summer and, to celebrate, I ordered these giant Dallas Stars logo keys online. And that’s not the crazy part.
At a Stars practice, I had Philippe Boucher autograph one for me.
Silly, right?
Oh, and have a great time viola-ing it up!
At a Stars practice, I had Philippe Boucher autograph one for me.
Silly, right?
Dude, I totally want Devils logo keys! And if I could get Pando to autograph those I’d just die of happiness. (Full disclosure: my car is named Pando. And talks like Pando. At least, in my head it does. So maybe I can just get him to sign my car keys. Or my license plates.)
At a Stars practice, I had Philippe Boucher autograph one for me.
Silly, right?
I think that’s awesome, Patty. Autographs are much more fun if they’re zany. I find getting autographs to be very, very awkward, so it’s fun if you some sort of angle to it. And autographed keys sound like the thing.
Jiri did the same thing (errrr, no Elly did NOT convince me to name my cat after a hockey player at all)! I can’t believe he actually ate them, the only other thing I’ve ever seen him eat that wasn’t cat food was cheese (which he also still has an undying love for).
I am so excited for that Hemsky sweater, you don’t even know. And then I’m going to wear it and he’s going to think I am INSANELY obsessed. Then again anyone who’s ever heard my Ty Conklin story knows that seems to be my goal when it comes to meeting hockey players.
And Patty! I have one of those keys but with Wings logos AND I NEVER EVEN REALIZED that as long as I had it on me I’d never be without SOMETHING to get signed!
Phew… because my mom has been in here 4 times to laugh at me.
Schnookie, mine says “Go goalie, you’re a star – signaturey thingy”. My friend told me over the phone that Marty was very surprised he had a fan in Holland because he didn’t know we played hockey there. And then he explained it was field hockey and the u21 made worlds and won, and Brody was supposedly very impressed. Which made me laugh because I was surprised he even knew where Holland is.
Pet food quirks: my dog is a vegetarian.
And it’s finally time for me to get out of work! Huzzah! See you all later, after my battery-charging nap, after eating dinner, and after getting my butt kicked at solving the NYT puzzle!
The only problem is that the autograph didn’t last. Next time (maybe he won’t remember autographing a key before) I’m going to paint over it with some clear nail polish or floor sealer or something.
So before you get the autograph, make sure you have a plan for sealing it.
Then again anyone who’s ever heard my Ty Conklin story knows that seems to be my goal when it comes to meeting hockey players.
And you’re just going to leave us hanging with that? No further explanation?
When I met Scott Stevens (at the 1997 A-S Game) I totally insulted him by saying we were the only people in our section at the game cheering for him. I was trying to make some lame point about there being no Devils fans there or something, but just ended up saying everyone thinks he’s a big, fat loser. He was really nice about it, both because he’s a really nice guy and also because I don’t think he’s very quick in the head, and only realized later what a stupidly obnoxious thing that was for me to say.
All our cats are named after athletes! Which means, yes, we very embarrassingly have a cat named Roy. As in Patrick Roy. As in we named him before we realized what a hellish, prickish bastard Roy is (and we realized that before Roy added insult to injury by beating the Devils in the 2001 SCF). Our other hockey cat is Rollie, after Brian Rolston. So, uh, that’s not at all embarrassing either. We fully intend to name the next two cats Pommie and Sid The Kid The Cat.
The only problem is that the autograph didn’t last
Awwwww, that’s actually really sad! I hope it stays next time.
I’m planning to get two little kittens soon, and I’m going to name them Nieuwy and Bouch (pronounced “boosh”).
Mags, you have embarrassed me for not fawning enough over the Vishnevski jersey I got that had a very limited shelf-life.
I believe two months after I got it the team switched logos. Another month after that Vishnevski was traded. And then, the team stopped wearing white at home also.
Maybe I learned a lesson–haven’t picked up a jersey since (and that one was a gift). Green shirt is my uniform.
Nieuwy and Bouch are adorable cat names!
Bah, naming pets after athletes takes no courage–naming children after pets named after athletes is where it gets tough.
Awww, poor Earl. If I were rich I’d buy you a Teemu sweater.
But seriously, I have to put this thing away before I drool on it or something.
I sorta want a pet named after a hockey player, but I can’t decide which one… And I sorta don’t want a whole hockey team of cats…
Bah, naming pets after athletes takes no courage–naming children after pets named after athletes is where it gets tough.
If I am ever so unfortunate as to have children, I will not hesitate to do so!
I agree that it’s terribly awkward to ask for an autograph. Plus, I don’t need autographs themselves. If I had a game-worn jersey, I’d work hard to get it signed, but otherwise I use autographs as an excuse to approach a player. I’d much prefer to just go up to him and shake his hand and tell him I’m a big fan.
Actually, I’d like to be able to say something to make the guy laugh. But my style of comedy needs a lot of setup, so it’s hard to get a whole conversation going.
My syster and I once met Niko Kapanen at a Mavericks game (back when Niko was still with the Stars). I really liked the kid, but a lot of it probably had to do with the fact that “Niko” was also my nephew’s name.
He was walking along in the crowd, totally unnoticed by all the NBA fans and we walked up to him and said we were fans. His eyes were a little glazed over at first until we said our nephew’s name was Niko and he actually looked at us and said, “Cool.”
Bah, naming pets after athletes takes no courage–naming children after pets named after athletes is where it gets tough.
Still, it’s gotta be easier than talking your spouse into “squeak-click”.
As far as getting autographs is concerned, it was living with our crazy ex roommate that made me realize I don’t like meeting athletes. She was really and truly obsessed with Petr Sykora (to the point that, at one point, she wheeled on me while we were discussing the trade that shipped Sykkie from Jersey to Anaheim and screamed, “You have no idea how much Petr Sykora means to me!”), and we went on a trip out to Anaheim to see the Devils there. So we went to a Ducks practice and she decided she wanted to get Sykkie’s autograph, and in the course of her brief fan/athlete autograph-obtaining chit-chat with him, it became really clear that she didn’t recognize that, while she had an emotional attachment to him, he did not have one to her. And it was just really depressing. So now whenever I am in proximity to any hockey players (which isn’t very often, thank goodness), I just want to sink into the floor, because it’s just such a weird social dynamic.
I should have known better than to even bring that up and not expect to have to rehash the whole thing – this might get long.
So basically, between last year when he screwed up game one, and this February, I developed this horribly embarassing love (well, it’s more like an ‘awww, it’s okay, you don’t suck that bad’ and a desire to pat him on the head, really) for Ty Conklin. He got sent down to the Blue Jackets farm team, and they happened to be playing my Griffins one night (it actually turned out to be his last game with the Crunch – lucky me!) so I dragged a friend up to Grand Rapids with me to see him.
We were the only Crunch fans in the whole building (though we did convert a couple people we made friends with), and we bought seats that ended us up right on the glass. At this point it needs to be said that I polled a bunch of people on what I should put on the sign I was inevitably going to make. The most ridiuclous suggestion somehow caught on as a huge inside joke and I wound up with this – yes, my friend did make it IN the car on the way up. (We folded the bottom up for the majority of the game.)
We even went so far as to move from side to side of the arena and follow him in goal. Eventually the game went to a shootout and I thoroughly embarassed myself yelling for Ty at which point my friend said “oh come on unfold it!” so I did – and he most definitely read it AND pointed it out to his backup who gave us funny looks from the bench the rest of the night.
Afterward, the friend and I went wandering around the arena trying to figure out where the players came from and we seriously walked around the arena about six times and stood around waiting. And then JUST as we were making our way around the front again, ready to give up, something made me look back inside the building…and there was Ty Conklin and friend, walking out. Of course I was just STUNNED at this luck…to the point where I watched them walk right past me and about twenty feet away before the friend was like “SAY SOMETHING IDIOT!” At which point I yelled “TY!” like a huge idiot, ran over, and asked for a picture. While still carrying the sign under my arm, so he very clearly knew who I was, and yet still deigned to chat with me for a couple minute and pretend I’m not crazy.
And now that I’ve embarassed myself again, Elly’s got you beat on the cat named Sidney thing…but Sid the Kid the Cat is brilliant. It’s probably also worth saying that when she almost named it after Mario Lemieux there was many a bad pun made about the idea of naming a cat “Claude Lemieux.”
I hate asking for autographs. Hate it. It’s because I’m a coward and I’m shy.
I forget what channel this ran on, but there was a special about rich people who all paid $9,999 to attend Gretzky’s fantasy camp in Arizona one summer. It was a silly special, but there was a point where all the attendees got to get whatever they wanted signed by Gretzky, Howe, and some others. They talked to one guy who said “It’s crazy. Some guys are having their kids’ dresser drawers signed.”
This put my roommate and I to fits, trying to decide what you’d get the Great One to sign on your kid’s dresser drawer: “To Timmy. Time to do some laundry, kiddo. Wayne Gretzky.”
Holy shit, Steph. That Conklin story is BRILLIANT! Wow. I’m humbled. (And that is just fantastic that he was so nice to you when you met him afterwards… Hockey players really are the greatest, aren’t they?)
My only sign-making antics involved a very artistic “Pando Is The Straw That Stirs The Drink” sign that I took with us when we sat behind the visitors bench when the Devils were in Phoenix one year. Pando was doing his little ballet stretches at the bench during skatearound and I was standing there, three feet away from him with the glass between us feeling like a doofus (really, it is so bizarre that it’s like, “Hey, hockey hero of mine, in that little fishbowl of yours!”), so I held up the sign. And the most adorable, blushing, shy smile crept across his face (I say this platonically. I do not love Pando that way. PandoLove transcends that) and finally he just nodded in emphatic agreement and went on his skatearound way. So then Jamie Langenbrunner skates up, looks at the sign and shoots me the nastiest death glare. I’ve decided it’s just because he can’t read. Because that sign not only spoke the truth, but was really awesome. I wish I had a picture of it.
…it’s just such a weird social dynamic.
So true. It’s so awkward, that I feel sorry for the athletes.
I discovered the beauty of watching practice this past season. And after practice, there’s a hallway where all the players leave the dressing room on their way to their cars. I couldn’t believe it! I had no idea it was that easy to get their autographs. I stayed after practice for that scene, maybe 4 times over the course of the season (out of probably 10 practices I saw). Early in the season it was very few people and I had nothing to autograph so I just grinned and waved. But I felt sorry for all the players when they walked down, because not everybody wanted autos from all the players. So they’d have to look around and try not to be rude and also try not to look like they assume everybody wants their autograph.
Early in the season, even Modano and Zubov would run that gamut, but later on, they started sneaking out the back (according to some fans I talked to).
I’ve decided that practice is as close as I want to get. It’s so fun to watch them practice; you’re up close and they’re loose and laughing, but they’re still behind glass.
Next season, when I try to get my keys autographed again, I’m going to try to get Boucher and Zubov.
This put my roommate and I to fits, trying to decide what you’d get the Great One to sign on your kid’s dresser drawer: “To Timmy. Time to do some laundry, kiddo. Wayne Gretzky.”
That, too, is brilliant!
Patty, I just wish there was some socially acceptable way to stare at the players whenever you run into them in real life. You know, so you can soak up how badly they’re dressed, or take note of what type of car they drive or whatever, without having to broach the issue of interacting with them. We stayed in the same hotel with the Devils in Buffalo this March, and every time we left our room we would run into various and sundry players. And we’d try desperately hard to look all cool and nonchalant, but we just knew we were bright red and our eyeballs were bugging out of our heads. It was brutally difficult, trying to gawk at them without looking like we were gawking. (And then we would go back to our room and discuss for the next four hours what we thought of, say, the toque Paul Martin was wearing. Because yeah, we’re just that lame.)
I gotta get going. I’ll be back later to comment on stuff y’all talked about two hours previous. :D
I, too, need to get going. I’ve been awake for a staggering six hours, and having spent all of it parked in front of my computer, I can honestly say I’m exhausted. Time for a nap! I’ll be back after dinner (and kicking Pookie’s ass at the puzzle) in the hopes that someone will be here to keep me company.
I really hope that if anything, it’s a story he continues to tell whenever the subject of most odd fan encounters comes up. “This one time I was in Grand Rapids at some lame AHL game and there was this CRAZY girl…” That particular experience at least was really more about being as ridiculous as possible – but I still wish I could have blurted out something more intelligent than er, bringing up watching him with the Oilers. He was very graceful about it though, and a great sport in general. He also told me they were going ot the bar across the street JUST because it was named “The Bob”.
As for signs, my only other foray has been “STOP! HEMMERTIME!” which I was also coerced into making a reality after one little off-handed comment, for the Oilers/Hawks game I saw last February. I’m just not creative (or shameful) enough.
And don’t tell Elly her “little” Jamie was a jerk! She’ll deny it up and down and possibly cry. Of course that’s if you can get her to admit to liking a Devil in the first place.
Schnookie,
Exactly!
In Dallas it’s even more blatant, because if I saw a player out in the wild, I’d be the only one gawking. Nobody else would recognize them.
And don’t tell Elly her “little” Jamie was a jerk! She’ll deny it up and down and possibly cry.
Aw, he probably wasn’t a jerk so much as he’s illiterate.
I feel sorry for Jamie now.
Schnookie, please promise me you’ll finish Shattuck Boys. Please? I’m dying here.
I meet hockey guys on the train all the time, and when they’re gone I call up my mom to tell her what they were wearing. It’s a bit crazy. Just a bit.
Schnookie, please promise me you’ll finish Shattuck Boys. Please? I’m dying here.
I am so undisciplined that I can’t make any promises. I started “Chasing Sidney” today, and in six hours of work I managed to A) write God-only-knows-how-many comments here, B) get to level 5-2 in Zuma (yeah, I’m a loser) and C) commit exactly 71 words (including the title) to my magnum opus. So I hope to finish SB, but who knows what’ll come of it.
I love parsing hockey players’ clothes! Except Crunchy. I try to pretend I never saw most of the outfits he wears.
Okay, for reals now, I’m going to nap. All this authorly work today has wiped me out!
So I hope to finish SB, but who knows what’ll come of it.
I always assumed your intention was to send each of us unique personalized endings. What gives?
Zuma is amazing. AMAZING. This computer can’t play it :(
That is all.
Zuma wins. Really. But my mac doesn’t love it a whole lot.
I’m off to bed. Apparently I have something to do tomorrow that isn’t sleeping.
Goodnight Mags! I’m off to barbeque :) And eat edamame.
And don’t tell Elly her “little” Jamie was a jerk! She’ll deny it up and down and possibly cry.
Aw, he probably wasn’t a jerk so much as he’s illiterate.
Hey. How come when I was all, “Jamie can’t be my favorite Devil because The Davinci Code is his favorite book.”, you guys were all, “Well at least he can read Kate. Gawd.”?
And now I come to find out that Jamie Langenbrunner is in fact illiterate, and you knew it all along.. To think, I actually wavered in my decision to love Scott Clemmenson. You made me question my randomly selected true love.
Schnookie, you have to finish SB. If I’m going to get kicked out of my book club, I should at least get to know why Zach was going bezerk about the “yes” checkmark. : )
Grace, I can’t believe your book club insists on having its membership mutually exclusive with PandoNation, but I think you are making the right choice.
They’re sneaky like that around these parts, Kate.
I should also add that I’m watching Tigers baseball right now and we’ve got Andrew Miller pitching tonight. I keep referring to him as PitcherCrunchy and am once again getting odd looks. But hey, he’s working on the Crunchy hair…
Hey, Earl, I’m afraid to say that my book club is so unfortunately ignorant and unschooled as to not knowing what PandoNation is, much less factoring non-citizenship into its membership rules. No, I’m going to get kicked out because I never read the book, and in this case, I’m conweeniently using SB as an excuse.
I haven’t officially taken the PandoNation pledge because I’m not sure if PahlssonNation (we need a new name, Earl) will allow me dual citizenship status.
Wow, my grammar in that first sentence sucked. I hoping you gotten what I meaned.
And now I come to find out that Jamie Langenbrunner is in fact illiterate, and you knew it all along.. To think, I actually wavered in my decision to love Scott Clemmenson. You made me question my randomly selected true love.
Kate, obviously he learned to read after feeling left out about that sign! He attended Gooses’s Reading Academy (where Scrabble is used as a learning too, of course) and graduated to the point where he can now read a whole Dan Brown. Clemmensen, by the way, has spent $30,000 fixing his teeth.
My favorite sign story was from the first Flyers-Devils game after Clarke fired Roger Neilson for “getting goofy on us”. Our buddy Morgan made some sign essentially (and actually rather politely) questioning the heart of the origanization. He said that the players were visibly chagrined when they saw the sign.
Grace, that intentional awful grammar just cracked me up probably far, far more than it should have.
…ly. Intentionally.
Thanks, Steph. I don’t know if you caught my email address earlier, but feel free to contact me with questions about Boston: graceecho@gmail.com.
I hadn’t, but I have now, thanks! I have one friend in the Boston area, but I swear she hardly leaves her apartment and she’s probably the least aware about her surroundings person in the entire world, so probably not a whole lot of help – it’s great to know someone else out there who can probably be more helpful!
PahlssonNation (we need a new name, Earl)
I dunno, Samerica?
Well, I haven’t taken advantage of nearly enough things that are here/going on here, but I’m happy to help if I can!
I dunno, Samerica?
Mmm…needs work?
I dunno, Samerica?
Earl, it should be North Samerica, so that your Canadian citizens are recognized.
Mmm…needs work?
Multiple Pahlssonality Disorder?
My eloquent argument about trapping is that EVERYONE does it. Even, yes, the high-flying Sabres.
This is going WAY back but earlier this season a reporter asked Lindy about the Sabres going into a trap when they had a lead. Lindy immediately interrupted him and said, “I wouldn’t call it a trap.” “What would you call it?” And he put on one of those great Lindy smirks and said, “Aggresive backchecking.
”
Considering how many leads we gave up over the course of the season, I think it’s safe to say we’re not really built for “aggressive back-checking.” Or as my husband put it, “OH MY GOD, THEY’RE TRYING TO PROTECT THE LEAD! WHY?! WHYYYYYY?!?!?!?!”
I get sick of hearing people complain about the trap, too. I love defensive hockey. It might be because I learned how to watch hockey from the Stars, but I love it.
Patty, despite watching a mostly offensive team – or maybe because of it – I feel the same way. Nothing gets me more excited than a great 5-on-3 penalty kill.
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