During the playoffs we had a handful (ok, like one or two) requests for a glossary or FAQ page to explain stuff like “Who’s Crunchy?” to new readers. We had long been planning to post a glossary before the start of the new season, but then we both realized we had gotten a little lost in the whole toaster thing and thought this might need to be a group effort. Thus was born the — drumroll please — IPBGlossary wiki! That’s right, you can now have IPB authorship, sort of. (We still control this site, we think!) Just email us at interchangeablepartsblog [at] gmail [dot] com to get an invite to get a username and password to contribute to the glossary.
We want to make IPB as approachable to new readers as possible; this seems to us the best way to make the nicknames and in-jokes easy to decipher. And it’s interactive and fun! We put a few entries in to get us all started. Anything you think needs to be added, jump right in! Please let us know what you think of this, whether it works, what might be changed, how stupid you think it is, how much you hate it, what-have-you.
Go forth, Gentle Reader, and wiki!
(Also, a link to the glossary can always be found on our new IPBGlossary page at the top of the blog.)
This is a great idea! Sign me up!
Nice work ladies! This is a great idea. Just today I was trying to remember if Bryz’s children are toasters or bread. I think they must be bread because of the whole breadhole thing…but that doesn’t really make too much sense, now does it? :)
Invitation sent, Grace! It’s going to come from wikispaces.com.
Sign me up too! I e-mailed :)
And you know I think the children started out being the bread and sort of…morphed into the toasters themselves.
Kate, we’re not entirely sure what’s up with the Bryz kids. That’s why Schnookie had the brilliant idea of setting up a wiki. I haven’t used wikispaces, but it seems pretty straightforward.
So are you saying that you nicknamed him Crunchy because he looks like a hippie?
So are you saying that you nicknamed him Crunchy because he looks like a hippie?
Um….. perhaps? It seemed more complicated than that at the time…
Grace, I’m pretty sure that you came up with the Paradise Penalty Box concept. That has GOT to be in the wiki glossary. (especially the part about how I have dibs on all of the Sabres, except for Heather, who has Tallinder 75% of the time, and Gambler gets the whole team on alternate weekends. Now where did I put that chart…..)
Also,
I just sort of scrolled through the last few days of comments trying to figure out who first suggested the Paradise Penalty Box, and I realized, that frankly, WE ROCK. The comment threads on IPB are outrageous, and I mean that in the very best way. Thank you so much to Pookie and Schnookie for creating the amazing IPB, but also, thank you so much to everyone who comments regularly. Pretty much every day of comments contains at least a few down right brilliant absurdities. I can’t believe how many wonderfully creative hockey freaks there are in the world! I, for one, have truly enjoyed participating in the comments on IPB.
*End of stirring speech*
I second Katebits’s stirring speech! Schnookie and I are just so floored by how clever, creative, brilliant and wonderful you guys all are. We were so sure a) no one would ever read the blog and b) if anyone did read it, they wouldn’t comment and c) if anyone did ever comment it would be to tell us how stupid we are. We’re so honored you brilliant folks choose to spend your time sharing your brilliance here. As Kate said, we, IPBNation, do indeed rock.
Do we get some sort of badge? Some card we need to show? A secret handshake? A code word. What are the requirements to gain citizenship for IPBNation. Is this easier then getting Landed Immigrancy status in Canada…cause that was a bitch.
Can I get in on the editing too?
*End of stirring speech*
Sorry, Kate. I tuned in for your speech but all I heard was boxing instead.
Oh wait, here it is, a few hours later.
Yeah, you guys do rock. It’s a lot more fun commenting here than on messageboards, that’s for sure.
Thanks for all the fun and putting up with the occasional champion’s taunt. :D
Now who wants to teach me how to use Wiki?
A-Oil and Alejandro — invites are in the mail!
I have done my duty to the IPBwiki
OK, already the wiki is looking awesome! And it’s educational. For some reason I was envisioning “breadhole” as the crumb of a slice of bread. Like, that the toast had an expression or something. Earl’s explanation makes so much more sense!
I think we definately need to add in crunchy’s about he is often found in the nature driving around and buying things.
or his natural habitat or something.
Clearly I am spamming away here. Can I request Sherry’s Toaster Picture get inserted into the IPBwiki under Bryz toaster family?
Also, PP has crashed out playing NHL07. Guess she was tired. Too much Chuck E Cheese and golf today while I was packing.
Ahaha Teemu Sleek! That is just so horrific. I can imagine the young girl in daycare explaining the long romantic story of why they decided to name her Teemu.
Oh it needs to be. It really needs to be.
I was trying to think of just how best to explain the nature of toasters familes and Russian goalies, but really that picture would sum it all up. With maybe a little shot of Darkwing Duck next to it.
Alright Grace. I couldn’t resist the Paradise Penalty Box entry. I should have left it for you, but I could not resist.
Feel free to edit away if I did not stay true to your original vision.
:)
Ooooh, I finally get the breadholes. The kids are toasters. I thought a breadhole was a hole in the bread.
It is amazing how many of us were some what confused over the definitions and meaning of the whole toaster escapade, and yet me managed a ton of witty (none of them from me) comments and scenerios about it.
Oh Oil you big huge liar, that “skate hard, little breadhole” comment had me rolling on the floor.
again with my stupidity that should have been…. WE managed a ton of witty……
You know, I read that perfectly correctly regardless :)
Ok you all, I am tired, I have a full day of packing again tomorrow, so I am going to bail. Check back with you in the AM.
Goodnight Oil! And good luck with the packing – I expect updates on Toaster Oil’s condition being packed away for an entire evening!
Katebits (I think),
I added a picture for your ‘fish skeleton’ entry. Enjoy!
The -ookies are checking out for the night, too. See you all tomorrow!
I added a picture for your ‘fish skeleton’ entry. Enjoy!
Holy.
Flirking.
Schnitt.
That picture is INCREDIBLE.
When I first read about the breadhole, it was way later in the comments than Sleek’s original entry, so I was slightly confused. I first thought it was in reference to the mouth, like “cakehole”. As in, (English accent) “SHUT YER CAKEHOLE!”
Bryz’s baby has a deformed left breadhole, but technicians are confident they can restore it to 60% functionality.
“It won’t be able to toast sliced bread, but I wouldn’t rule out the possibility of toasted pita.”
This is the comment where it first appeared. I’ll admit, it was never clearly defined; but the parallels to Giguere’s baby situation were intentional.
In retrospect, I should ended the quote with “lightly-toasted pita”, but it’s still pretty good, I think.
Check out the OMGWTFBBQ entry. (originally posted in SPECTRE thread. three threads in one day is clearly more than I can handle on 5 hrs sleep.)
I think the fact that I saw the word, breadhole, before I knew what the heck was going on, made it ten times funnier when I read that entry.
That’s what’s funny about it. It just appeared.
And, explaining it to my sister has not been successful.
Me: But, see, the goalie is so crazy, see… and like, he thinks his kids are toasters… Oh, forget it.”
My sister: ” “
Me: But, see, the goalie is so crazy, see… and like, he thinks his kids are toasters… Oh, forget it.”
My sister: ” “
Yeah, it’s a tough thing to convey to just about anyone. I usually bring up the fact that he’s Russian, but that doesn’t help much either.
The first time I heard of Ilya Bryzgalov was from when he played for the Cincinnati Mighty Ducks before his NHL break. Some reporter went over and asked him something about how was he liking the city of Cincinnati, and Bryz, clearly not understanding the question, answered with a jubilant “Hallo!”
I knew then that this was clearly a kid to keep track of. The seeds of Bryz brilliance were born.
Usually, when players can barely speak English, they’re just beaten down by it. But he seems to enjoy it.
Earl, that picture is in-SANE! Love it!
Next season Lauren Pronger is going to ask for a trade because of “personal reasons not in regards to toast.”.
Grace, I love love love IPB Irregulars. I’m so glad it’s in the glossary because I really want it to catch on in IPBNation. I hope you’re not too unimpressed that I not only wrote the entry for your brilliant Paradise Penalty Box, but I crowned myself queen of all the PPB land!
Incorrectly posted from the SPECTRE thread:
And Kate, I love what you did with the Paradise Penalty Box entry. Not only did everyone perfect a raw idea, but you gave it a name and a structure. I just hope the blood from the 1976 PPB Coup wasn’t my blood. ; )
Hey Kate, er…HRH Queen of PPB Land…can you tell who posted what entry?
Grace, good for you with the CrustyBurns entry. Nicely done!
*flourish and bow* Thank you. And thanks to Kate, who followed up with the necessary Pommerdoodle and Pommerdoodle Detective Agency entries.
Jordi, the idea of Lauren Pronger toast babies never needed to happen.
And I don’t even remember when I stumbled across Bryz…but I hope it was somehow that brilliant. Clearly it had to be something ridiculous for me to pay attention to a Duck, right?
three threads in one day is clearly more than I can handle on 5 hrs sleep.
Actually, now that you mention it, this was my sleep total last night also. And I gotta sing in the morning. Good night, everyone!
Yeah, as great as 2:30 am television is (NOT) I think I’m giving up for the night too. Catch you all sometime tomorrow – I certainly don’t have anything productive to be doing for as long as I’m at home!
Hah it was my total sleep day and I got myself full on a lot of food. Made the best kind of pasta I could ever make with suspicious leftover cream also.
Nonetheless now I should study, but who needs that?
I thought it was supposed to be Teemu Sami Slek? And what about Parros Thornton Sleek?
Okay time to go have family-regulated fun now.
I thought it was supposed to be Teemu Sami Sleek? And what about Parros Thornton Sleek?
Well, the vow only applied to the “Teemu” part, but feel free to doctor the entry :)
It should be Teemu Sami-Parros-Thornton Sleek, and keept a change of name form handy for other corrections.
keept a change of name form handy for other corrections.
That would probably be a good move.
Yeah but keept’s not an actual word. :( I hate my keyboard.
Yeah but keept’s not an actual word.
Well, not until you add it to the IPB Dictionary, that is.
As what? Ilya’s dysfunctional third breadhole son?
oh my god :0 this is an awesome idea!
I’m emailing for an invite =D
Not much is computed in my finals-cramming brain, but I absolutely adore that fishbone picture!
Yes, Earl I think out did himself on that one, possibly better then this State Rape picture.
Shattuck Boys sooo needs to be finished. I read the first installment. Brilliant Schnookie….Brilliant.
I second that sentiment. I spent all of last night wondering what the heck was going to happen next.
As what? Ilya’s dysfunctional third breadhole son?
It’s the one he keeps hidden because toasters have easily hurt feelings and it’s a cruel, cruel word out there.
Uh, “morning!” everyone. (It’s, um, really not morning at all anymore, is it? Oh, I guess it is on the West Coast, so we’ll say we’re operating on their time today…)
I am so excited to check out all the developments in the IPBGlossary — it sounds like you’ve all been delightfully busy while the -ookies slept! Vinny, I’ll also have Pookie send you over your invite, stat!
I know. I wanted to find out just how evil Zack was and why didn’t Jordie say that he had keys to the rink?
PP loved it. She wants to know what happens as well. Of course she is now angling to go to a bording school for hockey now, but alas, she already had that want since her private hockey coaches daughter went back east on a hockey scholorship to a prep school.
Yeah, Jordie has a problem. And Zach, I’mma skin him. What’s the deal with their mommy though, she’s weeeeeiiiiiird.
That Dwayne kid from the Ducks trilogy really reminds me of Geno. Ha, Geno from Texas, that’s a hoot.
Okay, I’m clearly too dumb for this. How do you add/edit things on the wiki page?
How do you add/edit things on the wiki page?
Sorry, Heather, while drifting off to sleep last night I realized I should have put instructions on the homepage of the wiki. All you have to do is:
1) Sign in.
2) Click on the appropriate page link on the left-hand side of the screen for the letter of the nickname or term you’re entering or editing.
3) Click on the “Edit This” button.
4) Editing is done through a WYSIWYG editor.
5) Click save.
6) Revel is our collective brilliance!
The key is to ignore the “Create New Page” option. I’ve created pages already for all the letters. If the wiki grows to unwieldy size, then we’ll re-examine the lay-out. If you have questions, go ahead and email us; now that we’re awake we’ll be logged into our IPB Gmail pretty much all day.
I’m assuming something is supposed to happen when you click on “Edit This”? No? Geez, maybe I should sleep more before attempting this.
Heather B, I kind of found the “Edit This” page a little counter intuitive too. Once you click “edit this” the overall look of the page really doesn’t change at all, but you can suddenly type right onto the page as if it were a word document.
Kate, thank you! I’m guessing that’s what a WYSIWYG editor is since Pookie helpfully pointed that out, but to me it was just a string of letters that didn’t spell anything.
Clearly we are best left to watching hockey then attempting to figure out the basics of the interwebs.
No probs, HB. I resisted the urge last night to do this entry:
Tally-ho: nickname of Gentle Reader Heather B. So named because of her fondness for Henrik Tallinder, Buffalo Sabres.
:)
My computer hates me! I give up! I’m going back to bed! :::runs out of the room crying:::
Kate, you read my mind! :-)
Crying and grinning in the space of one minute. I’m bi-polar today.
Ah maaan! I want to see Heather’s entries!
Okay, I figured it out. Safari wasn’t cooperating so I tried IE and it’s working fine there. Damn you, Safari! I swear my page wasn’t changing AT ALL when I hit the edit button. I’m not a COMPLETE moron, really.
Heather, at least you can scan your own groceries.
I swear I’m just not clever enough to think of the things I know I should be contributing! Ever since Earl put up breadhole I’ve been stymied as to explain this toaster business.
ooooh Kate has a little bite today…..jeeze……
I am off to Denny’s for breakfast (seeing how I packed all the food yesterday) and then dropping PP off at friends for the day!
Be back later.
Oh, sorry A. Oil! Didn’t mean to offend.
Nice Heather B!
Nice Heather, very nice :)
Thank you, ladies. I couldn’t remember who initially came up with Tally-Ho so I just gave everyone credit. I’ll gladly edit if someone speaks up!
I am so sorry that I’m so bad at explaining things! WYSIWYG means “What You See Is What You Get” and that’s how Word and Blogger work, so I figured it would make sense. I didn’t think to mention that it doesn’t work with Safari! Sorry! It otherwise seemed so perfect.
Someone asked if you can see who added what. I think if you click on the “History” tab at the top it will show a list of recent changes and the name of the person who did the change. Clicking on the link should open a page that shows the changes highlighted.
The new additions since we went out to garden are awesome!
Pookie, no big deal! We just started using Safari so we don’t quite have a handle on what works and doesn’t work yet. We’re using it for Windows and everything for Safari is currently set up for Macs so I think we jumped on too soon. I’m not very computer-minded.
Steph, I’m with you on the whole toaster thing. How do you explain it? And where do you even file it? That one’s a doozy.
Steph, I’m with you on the whole toaster thing. How do you explain it? And where do you even file it? That one’s a doozy.
As someone who took a Master’s level indexing class, I’d say people are most likely to look it up under “toaster”, but the occasional person might look under “Bryzagalov’s children”. So I’d vote for putting the entry under “toaster”, but also adding “Bryzgalov’s children: see Toaster”.
But I might add that, although I got an A in indexing, I think there was a lot of grade inflation at work!
Exactly, Heather! I mean, breadhole was done wonderfully, but what do you put the actual toasters under? Clearly this has to be developed more fully. I find myself looking for the names of Ilya’s actual children in hopes that they will lend themselves easily to be manipulated in ways that reflect their toaster status.
Pookie that’s brilliant! I’ll get right on that :)
“Toaster” is definitely the trickiest IPB term, it is also the most misunderstood. Some brave soul must, for the good of the community tackle this IPB glossary challenge. This GR will emerge as a hero, finally rescuing our tortured brains from the enigma that is “Toaster”.
Please, act now. Before it’s too late.
I would totally do it, given that from now until September I have nothing (other than hockey) to do. Still have to request my editting privileges though.
Steph will have to handle it because I can’t even remember how the whole toaster thing started and I’m too lazy to do the research. I thought it was Pronger’s kids who were the toasters so I’m a bit muddled on the whole thing.
Okay so upon looking back to the original comments, I have determined that before it somehow took on a life of it’s own, Sherry suggested that the toaster was Bryz’s wife and the toast that popped up every morning were the kids.
I think I’ve just made it even harder on myself, instead of clearing things up.
Feel free to shoot down this idea, but what if every GR wrote a short entry for themselves? I’m having a hard time keeping everyone’s teams, players, and locations straight.
That’s a good idea Heather. Is it weird that I’m totally wondering what Earl’s is going to be like instead of thinking up my own?
I’d support that idea too! :) I’m already wondering if I’ll be able to come up with anything remotely clever.
I’ve given up on producing anything clever that has anything to do with my general person. I let my sister do that.
Oh, geez, we have to be clever? Way to raise the bar, guys!
Heather, that’s a great idea! The thread of comments where everyone introduced themselves has already gotten burried in the archives, so it will be much easier to keep track of everyone’s allegiances in the wiki.
Okay guys…do toasters make sense now?
Wow Steph, it’s almost beautiful ;P
Nice work Steph!
Steph, it’s perfect! And it actually makes sense! 1,000 IPBucks to you!
One question: how did you get the anchor to work to link to Breadhole?
Also, whoever put “The Little Bitch” in — great work! But I think I’m going to move it to the “L” entry, since articles shouldn’t count towards alphabetizing. That cool?
Pookie, maybe there could be a separate page in the wiki glossary for all of the IPB Irregulars, rather than just alphabetizing us in with all of the other entries. That would create a handy reference for looking people up, without cluttering up the glossary. (Not that IPB Irregulars are clutter exactly…..)
:)
Pookie, that was me and that’s fine. I actually almost put it under “L” but I couldn’t decide if “that” was considered an article or not.
Whooo! IPBucks! Success! Now we just need Sherry’s toaster picture to complete the entry :)
And Pookie, it was a total guess actually – I just set it up as a regular link, saw that little “anchor” button there, clicked it, ignored the fact that a # sign doesn’t usually mean “write a word here!” and typed in “breadhole” anyway…and it worked! Uh, I think.
There is now a page on the side-bar called “About the IPB Irregulars”.
Hahaha, oh guys, this wiki is shaping up to be too brilliant! I need to get in on this action! Do I just send you an e-mail, P&S? Also, I’ve been trying to hold off asking for Shattuck Boys, because my life has a great tendency to be destroyed by procrastination. But I think my resolve has desintigrated… It just sounds too good…
I just sent you an e-mail (I think, I hope it was the right address), so lay it on me!
Huh… So I got the invite, and I made a name and joined, but now it won’t let me sign in. It keeps saying that it can’t verify my name and password over and over. Any ideas? Do I have to hate my computer?
It took me a long time too, but the moment you joined, you’re signed in aren’t you? Look at the top right hand corner
Nono you have to love the computer and then it’ll love you back :x
No… this thing definitely hates me. Not only am I not at all signed in, but it won’t even e-mail me my password so I can make sure I didn’t just type it wrong. Grrrr…
Nono you have to love the computer and then it’ll love you back
I know, I could never hate Sirius. (That’s right, I subscribe to the PP school of “If you name it, it will be happier and treat you better.” Also I’m lame enough to name my things after characters in Harry Potter. This is me. Sigh…)
I know, I could never hate Sirius.
Me neither. Sirius is my whore-crux. I love that you named your computer after a guy who got killed by drapery.
I inexplicably named my laptop after a drug in an obscure video game that rather sucked, when you get right down to it. Said drug made the protagonist’s brain short out and kill everything around him. That laptop’s motherboard fried itself.
No… this thing definitely hates me. Not only am I not at all signed in, but it won’t even e-mail me my password so I can make sure I didn’t just type it wrong. Grrrr…
Hm, I don’t know what to say, Gambler. We emailed you another invite; I don’t know if that will help. What browser are you using?
Also, here at IPB Manor we name everything. The major appliances are named after ships from Horatio Hornblower books, the cars after hockey players, and everything else after whatever strikes our fancies.
Okay guys…do toasters make sense now?
Well, about as much sense as can be expected. Very nice work!
Nevermind. Apparently there was already a user named Gambler, but Safari, in all it’s crapitude, failed to tell me that and just kept refreshing the join screen helpfully. It wasn’t until I switched over to Firefox that it started actually telling me things. So if you start to wonder why there’s an infiltrator named “foolofabrooke” in our midst, relax. It’s just me. (Not that I’m not an infiltrator.)
But yay! Now to go make my first entry…
I name things :X
Sirius is my whore-crux. I love that you named your computer after a guy who got killed by drapery.
and I keep hoping said drapery will regurgitate him =(
There was a Mags already as well… But Safari did tell me so.
Vinny, I know how you feel. I’m awful lonely here in HP fangirl land without my favourite rebel. (ever read the Shoebox Project? [if you haven't you should, now there's a coming of age story for you] Their Sirius inspired me to buy combat boots… They’re actually really comfy). I wonder what’s up with the curtains though… they’re on the new cover as well.
akdfj stupid curtains. Let’s give the drapery a horrible name so that it feels shameful and regurgitates my poor sirius ;_;
I know of a Shoebox site (FF site) but I don’t know if I’ve read a Shoebox Project :X link me Mags! (IPB is very successful and ripping me away from my studies)
do you think Potter will die :0
ever read the Shoebox Project?
Mags, I officially love you. The Shoebox Project is not only one of my favorite pieces of fanfic EVER (hell, it’s one of my favorite pieces of writing ever), but is actually the real reason I named my computer Sirius.
And don’t mention the drapery… I’ll have to go away and cry.
I can’t think of an ugly name to call it, so I’ll just stick with curtain for now.
SBP PDFs. It’s a bit slashy towards the end though…
I sure hope he lives. I’ve got a bone to pick with the Boy Who Wouldn’t Die.
Snape 4-Eva!!1!1!
Gambler, you’re my new best friend. I swear, that’s genius. Like I said, SBP brought about some tiny changes in my wardrobe. I bet Sirius would make a mean hockey player too. But mean in a good way.
(any spelling errors I make in the immediate future are to be blamed on the atrocity that is 2 fast 2 furious, which is actually the best thing that’s on tv at the moment)
Oh my god Gambler, great job with the ootka (that was you right?) – I’m glad someone could link out to that video, it just didn’t fit in with my toasters.
… SBP Peter loves toast.
Toasters… toast… A whole new world of fandom just opened up for me.
Mags :0 thanks for the link… will definitely put aside the time to read it after my two finals tomorrow.
ootka is awesome Gambler =D. I wonder if that was ever the lullaby for the toasters :X
The ootka thing is genius! SO brilliantly done!
Oh I bet! He tucks them in with the Darkwing Duck cape and then softly sings the Duck Tales theme until they drift off to sleep – except sometimes he forgets that pesky word “tales” and it does indeed become “ootka” out of frustration with the english language.
Ootka. Ace. Brilliant. I just love my soda over that.
love=lost. I iz eedjit.
I bet Sirius would make a mean hockey player too.
Oh, totally. (I’m imagining Sirius and Logan Echolls playing against each other. It’s UGLY. And hott.)
Toasters… toast… A whole new world of fandom just opened up for me.
I can see it now: SBP Peter and Bryz meet up by a hotel toaster. Seeing the complete adoration in Peter’s eyes as he beholds the appliance, Bryz thinks he has finally found someone whose love of toasters matches his own. He has a series of quick daydreams about them decoratiing a toaster-themed nursery together, flipping through catalogue after catalogue of toasters up for adoption, pushing their toasters on the swings and making sure they don’t fall off the monkey bars. And then, to Breezy’s horror, Peter produces two slices of rye and starts reaching for the breadholes. Bryz screams, slapping the bread out of Peter’s hands, unplugging the toaster and running out of the room with it craddled in his arms. He turns around and yells “PERVERT!” just before he slams the door behind him. And Peter is left there baffled, heartbroken, toastless.
Ahem. I need help.
And thanks for all the kind words about the ootka! I’m glad you all enjoyed it.
So Gambler… Who is your favorite player? :-)
Arghh! This is such a frustrating question for me, Heather. Mostly because whenever I say “I’m a big hockey fan,” the person I’m talking to almost always follows with the question “Who’s your favorite player?” in the tone of “Oh, yeah? Then prove it!” And I usually don’t have an answer, so it looks like I was actually lying and can’t name a single player, when in reality I just have too many options. I really feel like I need to have a favorite player, and I want to have a favorite player, but I’m so damn indecisive. It’s so bad that, even though my boyfriend offered to buy me a Sabres jersey for my birthday, I still haven’t taken him up on it because I can’t decide which one I want. I just love too many of them!
I feel like a disgrace to hockey fandom…
Gambler, I hear you. I’m biased but I think the Sabres are a pretty likable bunch of guys and I ran into the same problem when my husband and I decided to buy jerseys this season. I narrowed the list down to Tallinder, Campbell, Connolly, and Roy which is still an absurd number of guys. (I briefly debated a Miller but decided I wanted to be somewhat different rather than blending into an ocean of girls in #30 jerseys.) I eliminated Connolly because the last (and first) jersey I bought was his and at the time his health was totally up in the air. I eliminated Roy because while I love watching him play, he has some bad habits that bug me and I didn’t want to spend too much time being exasperated with the guy whose jersey I was wearing. It was a tough call between Tallinder and Campbell though. I ended up giving Tallinder a slight edge. I also liked the fact that he didn’t seem to be quite as popular. I think even in Buffalo he’s a little bit unsung, atleast among casual fans. Oh, also he’s only one year into a four year contract so he’ll be around for quite a while yet.
So now you all have an unsolicited look into the thought process of Heather B. Exciting, no? Can you narrow it down to a top five or three? No pressure, I’m just genuinely curious. I love knowing people’s favorite players.
Gambler. That….just….killed me. Probably because of how painfully easily I could picture it. Oh god ow.
Okay, let me think about it. I’d want to be different, too, so Briere Drury and Miller are all out even though I love all three of them so. That should probably eliminate Vanek, too, but I’d consider him because he went to the University of Minnesota, which is right by my school, and he’s Austrian and I’ll be studying abroad there next spring. It should also eliminate Max, but what can I say? I’m a sucker for franchise players. I remember him way back when he had really bad acne and no english skills. Roy was in consideration, too, but I eliminated him for the same frustration reasons as you. Hecht is a serious possibility. I just have a soft spot for the players whose biggest contribution isn’t on the score sheet. Plus he’s German and speaks adorably. I think after that it’s down to Soupy and Goose. They’re always such happy, smiley guys it’s hard not to like them. I’d consider Pominville, too, but that seems a little too fangirly. Also, my mom is very territorial about “her Pommers.” So what does that make the list? Vanek, Afinogenov, Hecht, Campbell, and Gaustad. Holy mother. And if Paetsch ends up taking the 6th D-man spot next season, then throw him in there, too. I love Paetsch, man.
Ugh, so here’s the look into my thought process: I narrow it down to that list, and then I immediately think about the guys I’m leaving out like Connolly and Tallinder, and yes Roy and Pominville (even though I just came up with perfectly valid reasons not to choose them), and that’s when I just throw my hands up and say “I don’t know, okay?!?!”
OH COME ON YOU TWO.
It’s clearly all about Ty Conklin :b
Steph, you kill me with this Conklin stuff. Geez. Is there an explanation for this? I do like him – I feel bad that he’s pretty much known for the worst moment of his hockey career – but unfortunately he wasn’t a Sabre at the time we were buying jerseys. Otherwise I’m sure he definitely would’ve been the one ;-)
Gambler. First of all, forget Tallinder. He’s mine :-) I’d eliminate Pominville for the reason you mentioned – it’s unfair but you’ll be lumped in with every puckbunny in the city who’s in love with his Pommerdoodle hair. (Yeah, I know he cut it. But in my heart he’ll always have those bushy boyband curls.) I would personally eliminate Max because of popularity but if he’s your favorite, he’s your favorite. He doesn’t rate THAT high with me so I didn’t have to worry about him. It’s tough after that though. I think Vanek and Gaustad are safe bets as far as longevity goes. I don’t see either of them going anywhere any time soon. Obviously I love Campbell (reason #5 I love hockey – this is where I’d enter a link to my blog if I had any idea how to do so). Of your list, I’d go with Hecht. I really like him and he’s totally underrated. Or Goose. Love him too.
Not that you care what I think. I’m really just avoiding doing other things I should be doing. Like going to bed.
Heather, honestly….it’s hard for me to even remember anymore. It started mostly because last season after the Cup Finals I was bitching for weeks about stupid Conklin and how much I hated him and how awful it was that Brind’Amour got the cup over (gag ugh what was I thinking?) Pronger.
And then Pronger turned into a douchebag and slowly but surely I started hating him and the question arose if I hated Pronger, would I come to love Conklin? I brushed it off at that point and then somehow (I blame Elly) the hatred turned into just making fun of, and then even that got to be done with a sort of pity, and finally it got to the point where I was like “awww, the poor guy, he doesn’t deserve being hatred by an entire city.” And it just sort of exploded because no one could believe I’d started, well, liking him – and then stalking him when he was with the Crunch probably didn’t make it any better. And then I did research and he’s actually not only adorable – but he used to be really good! He was captain once!
I told my friend in Rochester that I’d even wear a Sabres jersey if it was his – even a Buffaslug one. I shudder to think where this offhanded comment might end me up someday…
And okay the fact that I just wrote that much about Ty Conklin, as if anyone really cares, means I need to go to bed too.
DONT YOU SMACK TALK TY CONKLIN! I even liked him too. I mean it was less his fault than MAB’s.
I’M NOT! I LOVE HIM!
But… but Heather! What about Tallinders brilliant defensive play? Heh, okay he’s yours. There’s a reason I can accept and not have to re-examine. And actually, I might be the only female in WNY who prefers Pominville shorn. Apparently I like him more on the Lab side of Labradoodle. And you’re absolutely right, that is a perfect reason not to consider him. But I tell myself that, and then I start to think: but he’s so CUTE, and even better he’s GOOD, and better still his name makes for some great PUNS! Okay…. I’ll put Pommie to rest. Yeah, I think I could eliminate Max, too. He’s awesome, but not my favorite. Plus he gets enough jersey representation, especially because he’s been here so long. I agree with you on the Vanek/Goose sticking around front. I really think I should eliminate Vanek, though, since the main thing drawing me in that direction is the Austrian thing. He’s incredibly skilled, but not my favorite. And as much as I really love Campbell (great entry about him by the way), he gets pretty well represented, too. So in my own way I’ve made it down to the same two you did… Hmmmm Yo-Yo or the Goose.
You know, I’m just going to bite the bullet and decide. Because I have NEVER heard anyone else say he’s their favorite player: JOCHEN HECHT IS MY FAVORITE PLAYER! Honestly… he really doesn’t get enough love. And now that I’ve said this he’s going to do something totally embarrassing like score 3 own goals in his first game next season. Or even worse, he’ll be traded.
Wow! Gambler, way to get serious! Nicely done!
Ever since I found out that Goose was shouting at the television during the spelling bee, I can’t get quite shake the feeling that he’s my favorite Sabre, which is a little disappointing because he is also the most blatantly hot Sabre. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve got no beef with blatantly hot, it’s just that with Goose I will have a hard time convincing anyone that I love him for the right reasons (those reasons being that he has strong feelings about the spelling bee).
Obviously, I LOVE Crunchy, but I agree, no self respecting adult woman could wear his jersey in Buffalo. It’s just too embarrassing. He is only for loving in the privacy of your own home. Same with Drury, whom I love with the burning passion of ten million blazing suns. I’m trying not to think too much about Drury right now. Best to stay emotionally on-guard until July 1st.
You think the Crunchy love is embarassing? Try being (oh my god here I go again) a respectable member of the hockey-loving community and still arguing that Conks is your favorite Sabre. Just the constant ridicule that’s attached to the mere mention of his name is damaging enough!
Once I was in Columbus with a friend when he was still with them and we happened to go to the Blue Jackets store at Nationwide. I was whining about the Fedorov crap all around me and protesting that they didn’t have anything interesting which the guy at the counter overheard and subsequently asked me if I was looking for anything in particular. Said friend insisted, rather loudly and despite my elbow in her ribs (to prove my point further I was, indeed, hiding my face in shame at this point), “SHE’S JUST MAD THERE’S NO TY CONKLIN STUFF”.
Now mind you, this is the Blue Jackets we’re talking about here, with their first goalie-finishes-the-season-over-500 season this year. And the employee BURST OUT LAUGHING and walked away.
…that said, I probably wouldn’t admit to Crunchy either :b
Sorry to break it to you, Steph, but that would probably happen to you in Buffalo, too. Not only is Ty living in Crunchy’s shadow, but in Biron’s as well. Those are pretty big shoes to fill as far as loveable backups go. I sort of feel bad for the guy. If he ends up sticking around next year I’ll give him a chance. I was actually not completely horrified by his performance the couple of games he started. Also, he’s kind of adorable.
Kate, thanks for your support! But now I really can’t shake the feeling that something horrible is going to happen to make me regret making this decision. I’m sorry in advance, Jochen!
And Goose yelling at the spelling bee really is priceless. But I have to admit (and I’m probably the only one who actually thinks this) that I’ve always percieved Derek Roy as the most blatantly hot Sabre. I’ve never seen anyone else say this so it probably just means I have horrible taste in men, but honestly, I start to feel uncomfortable if I look at Roy too long. In that “Man I really shouldn’t enjoy looking at a hockey player this much, especially one who SUCKS tonight!” kind of way. And as much as I yell at him for how much he sucks sometimes, he’s just so little that I want to rush to him and cuddle him and take care of him. Because everyone picks on him and he’s so TINY. And then I feel so horrible and icky for having this motherly sort of nurturing urge for the blatantly hot Sabre. It’s really a complex set of emotions: I’m angered by his sucky play, and at the same time I want to make it all better, and at the same time I feel guilty for falling into the trap of blatant hotness. And I should also point out that he doesn’t suck all the time (ack! motherly urge! but he’s too hot to need my mothering!). What IS this? Have I found my Crunchy?
Wow… Steph I think you’re off the hook for the Conklin thing for awhile. I’m pretty sure I just out-embarassed you. If none of that made sense, it’s because I’m very low on sleep. And also, because I think it just doesn’t make sense. I’m going to go sleep on it.
But at least in Buffalo having done so well and had good goalies you at least have a little bit of a right! I mean come on he might have screwed up but this was Columbus! He probably got closer to a Stanley Cup than most of that team ever will and that pimply faced kid who worked at the Jackets store and probably had no clue what real hockey even looks like had no right to mock his poor adorable little self! (Okay okay I’m exaggerating…just a little. Shh, I don’t sleep enough…and holy crap it just became 3:30 am.)
But yay! Ty conversion #1 is a success! He is indeed adorable – and he’s a real sweetheart, too, even to crazy fans who chase him on street corners in Grand Rapids.
JOCHEN HECHT IS MY FAVORITE PLAYER!
Yay! Good job, Gambler! I’m so happy I could brow-beat you into choosing a favorite :-) (Sorry.)
My husband bought a Drury jersey. I laid it all out for him beforehand. “You know he’s going to be a UFA, right? And he’s in the middle of a career year. And the Sabres are not going to negotiate with him during the season which means he could hit the open market. And if he hits the open market and gets a ridiculous offer, it’s going to be up to him to stay here for less money because Buffalo isn’t going to overpay him. You know all this, right?” His response was to whimper and say, “But I love him!” He’s keeping it under control for the most part but he’s on pins and needles about the whole free agent thing.
I think Derek is cute too, Gambler, and of the people I know I’d say he has more of a puckbunny following than Goose so you’re definitely not alone there. I would personally rank Goose and Tally higher… but then maybe Derek. I’d have to think about it though because I also think Jochen is adorable and Teppo is quite handsome. Hmmm… I’ll have to think about this. At one time I had an official ranking – so sad, I know – but now that Jay McKee and Marty Biron are gone, I’ve lost 1 and 3.
Picking a favorite player can be so, so hard. I, like Gambler, don’t really have a ready answer for the question “Who’s your favorite player”. I’m like Sid when asked about his favorite band. The problem is I learned the hard way — finding out Brian Rolston was traded during a game when the usher walked down to our seats to deliver the news. Rolston was by no means my favorite player, but he seemed like an important, core player, and in return we got a player I hated (Claude Lemiuex). I decided then that no player was truly safe, and that if I didn’t always remember that any player could be traded at any time, I’d end up hurt.
Moreover, after a few years I realized how easy it was for a player I loved to turn into a monster. For example, I, once upon a time, really like Petr Sykora. Then he embellished an injury to avoid playing in an important playoff game (even Scott Stevens yelling at him in the hotel lobby wasn’t enough to shame him into playing) and he was announced officially dead to me. I used to love Jason Arnott, but then he had a terribly contentious hold-out and he was dead to me. As much as it pains me to admit it, I even liked Doug Gilmour, but then he stank up the joint worse than anyone against the Rangers in 1997 — dead to me.
So, I’ve been really careful, and cagey about picking favorites. And picking sweaters is even harder. I have a Colin White sweater, but he’s not my favorite. It just seemed like a safe choice. It’s all about the safe choice, for me. I’m getting a Paulie Martin sweater for my birthday, and I’m pretty happy with that. In fact, I might even be prepared to name him my favorite player…
And this just in: Paulie Martin holds-out while faking injury and letting Mark Messier walk all over him. Sigh.
Steph, I am dying — DYING — over your Conklin love. I know that feeling so well, since I used to irrationally adore both Eric Fichaud (!!!) and Steve Shields (???). So much so that I called the starting goalies on whichever team they were on “[First name] Fucking”. So Tommy Salo was “Tommy Fucking” and Evgeni Nabokov remains, to this day, “Evgeni Fucking”. And while these nicknames never left the privacy of my own home, I still think it’s pretty damn embarrassing.
Gambler and Heather, you guys have completely brilliantly illustrated the thought process of the non-fangirly female fan choosing a sweater! That was beautiful! If I had to pick a Sabre whose sweater I’d wear, I would also pick either Tallinder or Yo-Yo, for all the same reasons you explained. I thank my lucky stars every day for making me a PandoManiac, because those same issues really plague the Devils. Obviously Brodeur is out, because everyone has his sweater. The old stalwarts of Stevens and Daneyko are retired. Parise’s too cute. Zajac’s too new. Gomez is too gone. Elias is too… Patrik Elias (you think your relationship with Roy is complex, Gambler? Wait until we “Reason Of The Day” my parasitic/symbiotic/Stockholm Syndrome relationship with Patty). Boomer has a Madden sweater but hates wearing it “because it goes to his head”. These guys are a nightmare!
Gambler, may I humbly suggest you get a Stafford sweater? If anyone asks just say, “It’s an IPB thing. And he does not set fire to cows, despite what you’ve heard.” That would make ‘em think.
And he does not set fire to cows, despite what you’ve heard.
I think this needs to make its way into the glossary. I admit to not really understanding the connection between Staffy and flaming cows.
Earl, haven’t you read Shattuck Boys?
Yeah, Earl, haven’t you read Shattuck Boys? It will all be made abundantly clear after you take the time to devour every word of that 78-page masterpiece. (Although in Shattuck Boys’ defense, it’s double spaced, so it’s not actually that long…)
The Cliffs Notes version here will just tell you that Staffy is cast in Shattuck Boys as young Zach Parise’s psychopathic friend. His recent, scandalous past involves an incident wherein he set fire to a dairy barn because he wanted to see what it would smell like when the cows all burned. His wealthy father bought off the farmer so all criminal charges were dropped.
And I’m still undecided about how much from Shattuck Boys actually needs to go into the Glossary. Obviously, I should put in an entry for the story itself, but how much of the stuff from the story is going to enter the IPB lexicon? That remains to be seen…
I admit to not really understanding the connection between Staffy and flaming cows.
Every now and then, I take a line from the blog/thread and marvel at how it sounds out of context. This is such a one.
Earl, haven’t you read Shattuck Boys?
I haven’t found the right opportunity to print it out at work (though today looks somewhat promising). Then I’ll read it.
I can’t seem to read pieces that long by scrolling, unfortunately.
Every now and then, I take a line from the blog/thread and marvel at how it sounds out of context. This is such a one.
I agree, Grace! We have several friends who loathe hockey, but periodically check in on IPB to marvel at how awesome the scene is here. I can only wonder what they must think of all of us, since even the stuff that’s in context on this site is out of context for them. (I think I just explained why they don’t hang out with us as much as they used to…)
I can’t seem to read pieces that long by scrolling, unfortunately.
Me neither. Mostly because my mouse is a bitch, but also because I lose track of where I am on the page.
they don’t hang out with us as much as they used to
Muuuh, the internet isn’t supposed to make you lose friends! (I have no solution, I’ve met most of my buddies over the net)
(I think I just explained why they don’t hang out with us as much as they used to…)
I know what you mean. A few days ago, I was startled by something and exclaimed, “OMGWTFBBQ!” Then I started laughing hysterically while my roommate stared at me. I tried to explain while gasping for air, but she just shook her head and left the room.
Our friends keep worrying that we’ve found better friends through our blog. We’re like, “Well, if you tried watching hockey some time instead of just dismissing us by shouting, ‘I hate sports!’ whenever we bring it up…” :P
Gambler, may I humbly suggest you get a Stafford sweater?
You know, even though he’s not on the team full time yet (I honestly can’t see him staying in Rochester next season–he’s like this years Pommie), there are already a decent number of Staffy sweaters at the arena and around Buffalo. I remember when I was at game 1 against Ottawa, I even saw some guy in a ND-style Staffy jersey. He’s going to be really popular next year, I can tell already.
Speaking of Stafford sweaters, it reminds me of a funny bit the local sports radio station did after the first win over the Rangers. In a segment called “Two Wild and Crazy Czechs” Jaromir Jagr and Martin Straka go out in Buffalo after their loss.
Jagr: There’s a cute-looking girl over there in a Stafford jersey!
Straka: Stafford? I hardly know her!
Our friends keep worrying that we’ve found better friends through our blog.
Schnookie, the other day I was at a BBQ with hotdogs and beer and real live people, and I was really frustrated that I couldn’t talk about Chasing Sidney with anyone. I kept almost broaching the subject and then I would realize that I would need to explain so many thing that it would be truly impossible. So then I’d get off the Chasing Sidney thing (in my mind) and I would almost randomly start talking about Crunchy, or how recently I almost committed hari-kari while I willing watched the NHL awards.
I love my friends but they no longer understand me.
Katebits typed what I was thinking.
Cool.
Katebits, we know how you feel, big style. I did actually mention “Chasing Sidney” to our friends the other day, but I think they all just rolled their eyes at us. But then again, I roll my eyes when they talk about watching trashy reality shows about dwarfs, so I guess we’re even. And it’s their loss that they aren’t going to get to share the joy that is Chasing Sidney.
I can prove to our non-hockey-watching friends that you all are better than they are — I’ve been blathering on for ages around them about Shattuck Boys and not one of them has asked to read it!
(And it’s so hard being at actual-person social gatherings when all you’re thinking is hockey — especially, uh, the “mythological” kind of hockey — and no one around you understands.)
At least you have each other!
At least you have each other!
Which is probably most of the problem! When your best friend is your sister, your social life tends to get a little stunted. We should just be glad we have any friends at all! (Seriously, other than the whole-hating sports thing, our friends are awesome. Just in case they, I don’t know, decide to read 166+ comments into a thread about hockey, toasters and flaming cows…)
Schnookie, don’t really die – Conklin’s done enough damage in his career without having to worry that the insane girl with the ridiculous sign killed one of her friends because of him! And that little story about nicknames is amazing, I might have to pick it up for Giguere if the Ducks resign both him and Ilya. We’ll…leave Crunchy along with that.
He’s going to be really popular next year, I can tell already.
Yeah, I agree. Stafford’s going to blow up (not literally!) next year. Last season people were already talking about him as the future captain of the team. Of course, that could all change when the Buffalo News gets tipped off to his cow-killing, arsonist past…
How old is Drewpers?
Never mind, I just looked it up, he’s 21. He is too young to be my favorite player. Someday they will all be too young and I will have to adjust my criteria.
When I’m out in Minnesota I have no one to talk to about hockey. “But, it’s the hockey capital of the US!” you say. Well, try telling that to my friends. My roommate and my boyfriend are both from Ohio, and they had no clue that there was an NHL team in Columbus. (Granted, neither did I for a long time, but I don’t live in Ohio). In fact, I think the Buffalo Sabres are the only team they could name, and that’s only because I don’t shut up about them. Worse than that, the only one of them who really likes sports is a Mets fan. So we’ve spent many lunches talking at each other about the Mets and the Sabres, even though I hate baseball and she hates hockey. That’s how desperate both of us were.
I love my friends, though. They put up with listening to me blabber about hockey far more than they have to, and they even take a mild interest in what I’m saying sometimes. And I’ve managed to convince them that it would be really fun for us to buy some cheap tickets to a Wild game next semester, so I’m looking forward to that.
Someday they will all be too young and I will have to adjust my criteria.
Ah, Katebits, that finally happened for me this year. I’ve had to realize, now that I’m on the north side of 30, that the number of peers I have in the NHL is dwindling, and most of them qualify as guys I consider too old and ugly for me. So yes, I’ve swallowed my pride and admitted I think Jordan Staal is hot, even though I’m biologically old enough to be his mother. I consider it acceptable for me to be objectifying players so young because they probably won’t have any moral objection when they’re 31 to objectifying 18-year-old girls, right?
It’s not that I have any moral objection to sweating the young guys. No, certainly not. But the sad truth is that in order for me to truly adore a player they have to be within a certain date-able age range. I know it’s stupid, but it’s true. Interestingly, other reasonable dating criteria such as marriage status, personality, cow-arson tendencies, and Kate-to-hockey player height ratio, do matter at all. Only age. I suspect that in ten years I will be completely in love with whom ever turns out to be the next grizzled old Chelios (Come on, Chris Drury, I’m rooting for you!). After that, I’ll just kill myself. Heh. Just kidding.
Anyway none of that matters because, in fifteen years, Sidney Crosby and I will have been happily married for 3 years. I need to grow up a little before I can settle down with Sid.
Anyway none of that matters because, in fifteen years, Sidney Crosby and I will have been happily married for 3 years. I need to grow up a little before I can settle down with Sid.
HA! It’s really true that until you’ve developed a taste for prunes and Metmucil, you really aren’t in Sid’s emotional age range.
I also managed to overcome the age issue with two mental approaches:
1. How bad will the age discrepancy look when we hit our golden anniversary? I’ll be 81 and, say, Travis Zajac will be 71, and that just doesn’t seem that bad.
2. I am never actually going to meet, date or marry any of these guys anyway. So what if I want to plaster them all over my imaginary trapper keeper? (It took me 13 years of fangirl-ing to get to this point, though, so I can understand if you are still struggling with it.)
Also, the fact that Nieder is only 33 is completely mind boggling to me. If I ever met him in real life I would have to resist the urge to sit down cross legged at his feet and ask him to tell me wise old fables about the days of yore. There is no conceivable way he is only two years older than me! His face is etched with wisdom!
2. I am never actually going to meet, date or marry any of these guys anyway.
I know this, I swear I do. I wouldn’t even want to meet these guys actually…..and yet the age thing is like a fragile teether to reality. I am not quite ready to send myself adrift into the full stop mental la-la land I am capable of creating. I still need boundaries.
Kate, I was there for many years. This was the first year I really let go and let hottie. I just couldn’t fight the tides of time any longer. (I blame Sid. Seriously. He was the one that broke down all the barriers for me. Damn you, Sid, with your 6-point game in Philly in December [January?] where you took over the scoring lead and never looked back! Damn you and your irreplicable skating style, and your titillating caboose, and lonely eyes! DAMN YOU FOR MAKING ME INTO A TWEENIE FANGIRL!) But part of it was just that even in my overactive fantasty life I was tired of so many of the players who are my age. If they’re all still new to you, then there are plenty of thirtysomethings in the league to relish and adore!
Exactly. It will take a few years for me to wade through all of the age appropriate guys, and then when I finally crack, Sidney’s plush caboose will be there to break my fall.
:^::::::::::::::::::::
Katebits, have I thanked you yet for stumbling onto IPB in the first place? Seriously, you just crack me up! (One more reason to love the Crunchy brothers, I guess!)
Awww, thanks Schnookie! IPB has been an absolute revelation for me, both hockicularly, and creatively…..and any reason to love the Crunchys is reason enough for me.
(I put a new glossary term up in Sid’s honor!)
Kate! The entry on Giovanni is nothing short of incredible!
The bit about the weights and pulleys really got me. Brilliance, just pure brilliance.