The 28th in our 118-part series, and 6th in our 6-part miniseries.
March hockey.
Okay, we have to admit, sometimes the charms of March hockey elude us. March is the crappiest month of the non-summer part of the year. In fact, March is so wretched on its own that Boomer’s little collection of monthly cross-stitched ornaments with the month name and a little descriptive verb (i.e. “April grows”, or “February snows”) includes the telling ornament, “March blows”. There’s no denying it. Spring fever is setting in, there are no work holidays in sight until Memorial Day, and there’s a woefully-shrinking number of games left in the season. The glass-is-half-empty fan can’t help but look at the schedule in March and sigh wistfully about the passing of the regular season. The glass-is-half-full fan, meanwhile, is just getting antsy for the playoffs to start, already. March truly blows.
But as we take a moment to look beyond the obvious shortcomings of this month, there is something even we can’t complain about: March hockey is the stretch run. March is when the playoff positioning is urgent — the cluster near the bottom seeds is in a panic to clinch, and the top guys are jockeying to maximize their home ice. Teams with injuries are scrambling to get guys healthy, and teams without injuries collectively hold their breath every time a key player takes a shot off his foot. And the teams that made trade-deadline moves are keeping their fingers crossed that chemistry is falling into place. March hockey is the playoffs with training wheels. Until the magic numbers get hit, it’s not do-or-die like the playoffs, but it’s pretty damn close.
And for the fan of the teams not heading for the postseason? Well, March is where you get to try out the teams who will be there, picking which team’s bandwagon you want to jump on and which teams you plan to wish a painful, horrible demise on. No, it’s not much condolence after a crappy season, but what can we say? March blows.

Statbitty time: Here’s the regular season standings from games last March.
(Team GP W-L-O Pts Pct)
EASTERN CONFERENCE
1. NYR, 15 gp, 10-2-3, 23 pts, .767
2. PIT, 17 gp, 12-3-2, 26 pts, .765
3. OTT, 15 gp, 9-2-4, 22 pts, .733
4. ATL, 14 gp, 9-4-1, 19 pts, .679
4. FLA, 14 gp, 9-4-1, 19 pts, .679
6. TOR, 14 gp, 8-4-2, 18 pts, .643
7. MTL, 13 gp, 8-5-0, 16 pts, .615
8. BUF, 15 gp, 8-5-2, 18 pts, .600
9. CAR, 12 gp, 6-5-1, 13 pts, .542
10. TBL, 14 gp, 7-7-0, 14 pts, .500
10. NJD, 14 gp, 6-6-2, 14 pts, .500
12. NYI, 15 gp, 4-7-4, 12 pts, .400
13. BOS, 16 gp, 5-9-2, 12 pts, .375
14. PHI, 15 gp, 5-9-1, 11 pts, .367
15. WSH, 15 gp, 2-10-3, 7 pts, .233
WESTERN CONFERENCE
1. COL, 14 gp, 11-1-2, 24 pts, .857
2. VAN, 15 gp, 11-2-2, 24 pts, .800
3. SJS, 14 gp, 10-2-2, 22 pts, .786
4. ANA, 15 gp, 10-3-2, 22 pts, .733
4. MIN, 15 gp, 10-3-2, 22 pts, .733
6. DAL, 16 gp, 10-3-3, 23 pts, .719
7. CGY, 14 gp, 9-4-1, 19 pts, .679
8. DET, 14 gp, 7-3-4, 18 pts, .643
9. CBJ, 14 gp, 8-6-0, 16 pts, .571
10. NSH, 14 gp, 6-5-3, 15 pts, .536
11. LAK, 15 gp, 5-6-4, 14 pts, .467
11. STL, 15 gp, 5-6-4, 14 pts, .467
13. CHI, 14 gp, 5-9-0, 10 pts, .357
14. PHX, 15 gp, 2-11-2, 6 pts, .200
15. EDM, 14 gp, 1-12-1, 3 pts, .107
It is astounding how bad Edmonton fell this month. I mean, Phoenix had a worse month in March than anybody had in February, and still they got twice as many standings points as the Oilers.
Edmonton was so crazy bad that Month…I remember reading a blog post (and I can’t remember where now) showing that it was one of the worst stretches of ineffectuality in the history of the NHL. Say this for them: At least they suck with style.
Yeah, maybe this was the post (mudcrutch79)? It really is more awful than any lengthy stretch I’ve seen since I’ve been tracking results.
Awww man! I love March! It’s my favorite month of the year! I must now officially boycott this post! But not the thread…the thread’s okay.
Yeah, maybe this was the post (mudcrutch79)?
That would be the one.
Spring fever is setting in, there are no work holidays in sight until Memorial Day
During my first year of full-time work I couldn’t believe how SLOW March seemed. Oh my god was it painful.
I haven’t enjoyed March the past two seasons because by then it was pretty obvious the Kings were not going to make the playoffs.
At least they suck with style
Edmonton had style?
Yeah, just looking at these stats are astounding, but between Feb. 25 and Mar. 21, the Oilers played a dozen games, eight of them at home.
In those 12 games, they went 0-11-1, scored 11 total goals, and allowed 44. On two occasions, they scored more than one goal. On two occasions, they allowed less than three goals.
Their power play went 1-for-39 over that stretch (2.6%), while opponents’ power plays went 13-for-48 (27.1%).
I mean, there is ridiculous losing, and then there is powerful staggering losing, and boy oh boy, sorry A-Oil.
p.s. Think about that next time you’re complaining, Buffaslug. :)
Awww man! I love March! It’s my favorite month of the year! I must now officially boycott this post! But not the thread…the thread’s okay.
And you know what, andrew? We totally wouldn’t have any problem with March except that it’s your favorite… :P
At least they suck with style
Edmonton had style?
Er…perhaps it would have been more accurate to say that in March they were the best there was at what they did. Unfortunately what they did was suck hard.
So, I just finished the Harry Potter book: Harry dies, Voldemort and Hermione get marred, Ron becomes a Quiddich-bunny, Neville is arrested for operating a muggle-fighting ring, and Dumbledore turns out to be a transsexual.
Wow, that’s exactly how I expected it to end! Thanks, Katebits, for saving me the time of reading it!
NOOOOOOO!
(but how much does the movie make?)
The movie makes $6. Because we all have Harry Potter burnout by the time it comes out.
What’s Harry Potter?
o_o
Well, I know of at least one household that’s not reading Harry Potter this weekend. Anyone else with us on that?
Anyway, we’re off for a field trip into the big city… to meet Margee!
Oooh, have fun with Margee!
Schnookie, so jealous you guys get to meet Margee! Say hi to her for me!
Wait, I’m confused. Is Margee a new character in Harry Potter?
Well, I know of at least one household that’s not reading Harry Potter this weekend. Anyone else with us on that?
I’ll read it eventually, but certainly not this weekend. Have a nice field trip!
No, seriously. What’s Harry Potter?
[No, not seriously I just never read the books or seen the movies so I have no idea what people are talking about when they're hyperventilating over t]