The 58th in our 118-part series.
We are having an unusually cranky night here at stately IPB Manor, in no small part because our TV is all screwed up. We’ve been dealing alternately with Comcast and DirecTV for the last month, trying to get our various TiVos and hookups working correctly before the hockey season starts again, and while we’re inching ever closer, we’re still not fully functional. So why, you ask, are we making our television input so complicated, with its HDs and its cable and its satellite and its DVRs and its too-many zappers and whatnot? Because of the Center Ice package, that’s why. Center Ice is, quite possibly, the most wonderful invention ever. A zillion games! Every night! On our TV! We can follow every team (except the Blackhawks, of course, who seem to think television broadcasts are for losers — or, uh, winners. Or whatever they’re not), all the time, in every city. It’s mind-boggling, is what it is. And we will put up with an entire summer of limited television function if that’s what it takes to get our cable provider and our satellite provider to both figure their shit out in time for us to be able to watch as many games as humanly possible on any given night.
Center Ice — for those who are still among the uninitiated — is something that the fan who can afford it cannot live without. The fan who thinks maybe they can’t afford it should consider going without food for several weeks out of every month to make room in their budget for it. The fan who knows they can’t afford it should consider squatting in someone else’s house where they already get it, so they can avail themselves of this television marvel. We know we would. Because seriously, what basic creature comfort is there that’s better than being able to follow every televised game of every out-of-market team? It was said in one of our comment threads not too long ago that an investment in Center Ice yields unimaginable returns, and we couldn’t agree more. Say, does anyone here have two working TiVos and room for two squatters? Because if we don’t get our TV up and running soon, we might just be showing up on your doorstep.