The 64th in our 118-part series.
Alexander Ovechkin
We both studied Russian in high school, and we both went on month-long “exchange” trips to Moscow (in which we hung out with a group of our American classmates and never spoke a word of Russian because our host school was an English-language specialty school where the Kindergarteners literally spoke better English than we did) when we were teenagers. While on our respective visits abroad, we both encountered examples of that most wonderful type of person: the crazy Russian exchange student. The crazy Russian exchange student is most often a guy, most often is 16 or 17, and is probably most closely translated to the American archetype of the “Class Clown”, but a lot is lost in that translation (things like his goofy accent, playful and creative approach to vocabulary, and typically Russian mindset). The best example we have of the crazy Russian exchange student is a tale Schnookie brings from her visit to one cathedral or another (they really all do run together). This particular cathedral was the resting place of many of the Tsars, and the group tour wended past their sarcophagi as the handful of American and Russian students just shuffled along dutifully while trying to pay attention to the tour guide. Suddenly Schnookie realized the kid behind her in line, Dima, certifed crazy Russian exchange student, was very quietly knocking on the tops of all the sarcophagi. And along with the knocking, he was saying repeatedly, just loud enough for the people immediately ahead of and behind him in line to hear, “Wake up, asshole.” Perhaps it was because Schnookie was 15 and homesick and traveling overseas for the first time in her life, but she found this utterly hysterical.
And this brings us to Alexander Ovechkin. There has never been a more clear-cut crazy Russian exchange student in the NHL than Ovie. His fearlessness with giving interviews in limited English (and joking during those interviews), his relentless affability, his goofy and self-deprecating sense of humor — these are all the essential elements of the type. And on top of being just so utterly lovable in that regard, he’s a hell of a hockey player and really, really wants to be one of the new generation of superstars the NHL so desperately needs. Frankly, we don’t think the league really could overexpose this guy to the point where we’d want him to go away; seriously, what’s not to love about a guy who’s got a resume packed with highlight-reel goals and is relentless in his desire to make people laugh?
I love Ovechkin. He’s just so damn entertaining. More Ovechkin exposure, please!
One of my favorite Ovechkin stories was in David Amber’s interview of Kolzig (here) where Kolzig said:
“I remember 10 of us went to dinner one night in Buffalo, and after the meal we were all ready to divvy up the check when Alex said, “Let’s play the credit card game,” where the guy whose credit card is picked last has to pay for the whole meal. And the bill was pretty big, and wouldn’t you know, it was Alex picking up the tab for all of us. He looked like somebody had shot his dog afterwards; he couldn’t believe it was his idea and he lost [laughs]. He is so competitive, he hates to lose, especially since we never let him forget it.”
I remember reading a quote by Ovechkin that was hysterical but I can’t remember exactly what it was. Ack! This is going to bother me all night long.
i bought two nhl action figures this spring. sidney crosby i immediately turned over to my seven year old hockey crazed son. ovechkin i kept for myself, in a room into which he does not go. this may be the only venue in which i can confess this, and not feel ridiculous. i mean, you people make i <3 crosby cakes. i trust you understand.
“I remember 10 of us went to dinner one night in Buffalo…..”
Sweet Jesus. I wonder which restaurant that was.
As a classical musician I have encountered my fair share of “crazy Russian exchange students”. I agree they are a delightful breed.
Ovie is spectacular.
ak, there are few embarrassing hockey confessions that would be unwelcome or would go without at least someone here understanding!
Katebits, I’m so glad you’re vouching for the crazy Russian exchange student. They really are a breed apart.
Have either of you Ookies (or anyone else) read/seen “Everything is Illuminated”? There’s a definite crazy Russian exchange student character in that (well, he’s Ukrainian, but it’s the same idea). He’s fantastic, and his creative use of the English language is hilarious! I don’t want to recommend it, because I know how much you resist that, but yeah. Crazy Russian exchange student type. Named Alex. Think about it.
Ovie really is something. And now that Briere’s gone and I’m not bound by captain loyalty to hate him, I find I love him!
Sweet Jesus. I wonder which restaurant that was.
I’d put $100 down on Chef’s. It seems that’s where all the hockey players go. (As proof, just tonight I saw a commercial for Chef’s pasta sauce featuring the French Connection singing the jingle.)
Gambler, I have read “Everything is Illuminated”. I read it because I saw the first chapter printed in the New Yorker and was utterly drawn in by Alex’s narration. I was really disappointed by the rest of it, but Alex’s third of the book counts as one of my favorite reading experiences ever. I can’t believe I hadn’t pondered that character through Ovie-tinted glasses!
Well, at the risk of making another recommendation, Pookie, I’ll say that if you weren’t a big fan of the book you’d probably like the movie much better. It removes all the weird “in the past” bits, and Alex is pretty much the main character, so most of the story is told in his words. Plus, the actor who plays him is simply perfect.
It’s one of my favorites. (And the soundtrack! Fun Russian music!)
Okay, I really need to go to bed. My grandparents are threatening to start our trip at 7:00 tomorrow morning. (To which I said, “I hope you’re planning on strapping my bed to the back of the car!”) Goodnight, IPB!
Perhaps it was because Schnookie was 15 and homesick and traveling overseas for the first time in her life, but she found this utterly hysterical.
Or, maybe because it is utterly hysterical. :D
I love the crazy Russian exchange student. One of my best work-friends is Russian and he is so adorable! He’s a programmer and he’s extremely smart, but even though his English is better than most at my office, he’s really self-conscious about and is always asking me if he said something right. He’s like a little puppy.
I ADORE Ovie! He’s my favorite non Canuck hockey player. His play is just stunning. They played this really funny interview in Canada where he was talking about having two girls over to watch his highlight reel and they would drink Wodka. So cute! Apparantly he’s not hot but I dunno I’d probably hit that :p
So Mags–
If Scott Niedermayer decides to return, but for whatever reason decides he won’t go to London, you going to take it personally?
Because of my crazy exchange Slovak grandfather, we refer to the Devils as NevDev, since the silent W was pronounced and came out like a V, and he was always telling us about letters he got from his sister living in “the Passaic”, Nev Jersery.
“You not satisfied with series win against NevDev, we also
beat Boo-faallow Sabres for you…”
If Scott Niedermayer decides to return, but for whatever reason decides he won’t go to London, you going to take it personally?
Yes.
I absolutely adore OV. He’s hilarious and amazing at hockey. I also love him bc he was a huge part of getting my friend to notice hockey (and subsequently being one of the first people I could talk to)
I really, really, hate Pierre in this Super Series game. Actually I hate having to hear him in general. But … AIYAH!
How’s this one going, Vinny?
Whoever’s in Russian net is pretty damn impressive. PIerre is crapping his pants for “the next coming of Steve Yzerman” (Turris) and Brandon Sutter (“you think Carolina gives a damn about who his father is?!”).. who is constantly throwing hard checks, some of which look bordering dangerous to me (to himself as well, and he looks a little shaken actually). Anddd there’s just been a scrum, two guys (Captain Lucic, Legein) and one Russian in the box.
Voinov or Anisimov (damnit stupid similar names) is doing quite well, (score is 1-0 Canada), and Jonathan Bernier has been stellar. Or at least very solid.
Thanks. Toronto have any prospects in this?
Nahh.. our Russian prospects are too old, and we haven’t had a top draft pick (where most of these Canadians come from) in the past two years anyway.
There’s lots of prospective draft picks here though.. I congratulate the team that lands Drew Doughty.
Pierre is way too pro Canada for my taste (and I’m canadian!)
Hee, Pierre is just too much of everything.
Hee, Pierre is just too much of everything.
Including a threadkiller.
Where is everyone today? I just dropped a pin and my neighbours complained about the noise. It’s that quiet here!
I’m on a conference call–and sigh, probably have to get some work done today.
It is quiet here.
I have a lot of hurry-up-and-wait work at the moment, myself, so I’m around but no one’s talking.
I tried to mute the TV. But then I realized I had no idea who the Russian players were or even some of the Canadians by their numbers. So I gave up. But I believe the game was 2-0 Canadian win.
I’m packing for college. I never knew I had so much stuff
First time doing it? In my experience, one finds that they really don’t need all the stuff they think they need, which makes future packing experiences more streamlined.
I never knew I had so much stuff
Common occurance. Pack everything you think you need, look at it, and remove at least a third. Then you’re about right.
Actually I’m not looking forward to it. Some freak idiot conveniently “forgot” to cover the roof they were fixing, and a freak storm came and now my res building is freaking flooded.
AWESOME! Look at the bugs swarming….
Some freak idiot conveniently “forgot” to cover the roof they were fixing, and a freak storm came and now my res building is freaking flooded.
Well that SUCKS.
Air the place out and bring bugspray. That’s all I’ve got.
Thanks Mags. Raid is my new friend.
It is pretty quiet in here.
Hi Mags! Sooo.. how’s the weather today?
Raid is my new friend.
Ooh, should you develop a roach problem, let me suggest Combat Gel. Not only does it not fill the air you breathe with poison, it works like a charm.
how’s the weather today?
Dangerous thing to ask someone living in Holland. They say the Brits are bad, but you haven’t seen anything until you’ve listened to the Dutch. I’ve learned to dine off conversations about the weather.
It’s cloudy now, but I spent most of my morning lying around on my balcony enjoying the sunshine (and my new shoes. They’re very comfy)
Ooooh after living in Hawaii I totally second Meg’s suggestion of Combat Gel.
Well I do love Ovie, really though…I love anyone willing to make an ass out of themselves.
Speaking of OV, my new hockey-fan friend particularly enjoyed the golf video. May I suggest it as a possible way to get your friend to take an interest in hockey?
Okay. Combat gel’s down in my book.
It was sunny when I woke up, but now it’s pretty cloudy, yeah.
I’m on a conference call–and sigh, probably have to get some work done today
Doesn’t it just suck when work gets in the way of IPB chatting?
Ooooh after living in Hawaii I totally second Meg’s suggestion of Combat Gel.
Damn, I wish I knew about that when I was living in Hawaii. The roomies and I settled for mopping the floor with PineSol and Borax and killing the ones we saw with Raid.
Well the big ones are ok, that means they came in from outside….big is good…..little ones……you have a problem!!!
I am absolutely terrified of anything that even LOOKS like it crawls. or flies or creeplycrawly nasty.
Just popping into to say hello and yay for Ovie :)
Oh, and to give you all the links to my very favorite Ovie moments:
Ovie’s Crib – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CPEzmuS7NpU
Ovie and Matt Bradley at the auto show – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NjSVO2qj9Bs
And with that, I’m off again – bye, you crazy IPBers!
I am absolutely terrified of anything that even LOOKS like it crawls. or flies or creeplycrawly nasty.
Yup, me too.
I’m off for a while. Gotta drive to the club and pick up my new uni!
Vinny, my roommate and I are really fine with bugs. Spiders and such get released to the outside. We’re also not freaked out by mice, although we don’t get any because mice know better than to venture into an apartment with cats. But roaches we simply cannot stand. They’re just too gross.
I’m not fine with any species of bug-relatedness.
For that reason, I kind of like living in cold weather. Bugs don’t seem to come out so much.
On that note, I’m heading out to lunch. Bye everyone :)
I live in a spider friendly house, which isn’t too bad. It is so spider friendly we have a tarantula in the living room. Now, I am not a big fan, but they honestly don’t bother me much. Now anything that lands in my kitchen grosses me out (Ants, Flies or Roaches)……
Good afternooon, IPB! I just celebrated being on vacation by sleeping until noon! Damn, but I could get used to not working! :)
Glad to hear everyone here loves Ovie. Really, how can you not? I hope CapsChick ventures over here today to see we’re giving one of her boys some love, instead of showering all of it on Sid.
When we lived in Arizona we had scorpions in the house. Everyone said the cats would catch them and kill them, solving the problem. Hm. Not our cats. When they’d find a scorpion, they’d all just sit around looking at it until one of us came over and killed it. (Killing scorpions sucks, in case you’re wondering. You have to step on them, and they make the most digusting crunching sound.) One of the cats developed a really disturbing habit of staring intently at scorpion shaped indents on the tiles on the floor, freaking us out constantly. I’m so glad we moved back to Nev Jersey! (“The Passaic”! I love it!)
It is so spider friendly we have a tarantula in the living room. Now, I am not a big fan, but they honestly don’t bother me much.
Well, better a tarantula than something venomous, but I can’t say they don’t gross me out. I’m sure that I could get used to them though…it just comes from living someplace where we don’t have them for my entire life.
I haven’t ever tried Combat Gel, but I can vouch for Combat trays.
They’ve worked for me before, when nothing else did. I have a regular service now, so I haven’t used them in a long time.
I don’t mind spiders, either, except for the brown recluses in my garage. The spiders in my house keep the gnat and tiny-moth populations down. :D
When I was around 5, we lived in Monahans, TX, out in the real west Texas. We had scorpions, too. I don’t remember seeing them all the time, but my mom does. I do remember when she stepped on one in her sandals and the tail reached over and stung her on the toe. Ruined her streak of not swearing in front of the kids. :D
I am absolutely terrified of anything that even LOOKS like it crawls. or flies or creeplycrawly nasty.
ME TOO! Which is why it’s a good thing I live in California where it seems like we have far less bugs than anywhere else.
Well the big ones are ok, that means they came in from outside….big is good…..little ones……you have a problem!!!
Oh yeah. Luckily I didn’t live on the ground floor where the big ones crawled outside the doors. But we had little ones that would always scare the shit out of us.
Pookie….I hear you on Scorpions…but I hated the cenipedes..those are freaky and hard as HELL TO KILL. Not the mention there is the whole Pacific Islander theories that if you find one in your house it is because someone is wishing you ill will and if you find X number of them it is super bad joojoo and you need someone to come bless you and the house and crap. Needless to say…clearly……I paid attention. Still they are HIGHLY poisionous (almost lost Denali my dog to one) and would freak me out when PP was just a toddler and would be on the ground all the time.
I am so never leaving the northeast…even hearing about all these poisonous creatures freaks me out a bit, much less having to worry about having them in my home.
Look! CapsChick did come by, but her appearance angered Senor Spam. (Silly CC, multiple links are for spammers!) Anyway, direct your attention back to comment 39 or so for some Ovie hijinks of video, courtesy of CapsChick.
Speaking of CapsChick, if you haven’t read “Captain Crosby and the Penguins of Tomorrow”, which she’s linked to from her site, please do read it. It’s a riot. I haven’t really looked so much about who wrote it, but whoever it is, they’ve got genius bits.
So this is from like comments and comments ago, but Everything is Illuminated is the first (and only, that I can think of, though there may be otherse) time I have liked a movie better than a book. (And yes! The soundtrack! Gogol Bordello I love them!)
And uh, scorpions? I’m starting to like the midwest more :P
Hi, everyone! Sorry about it having been so quiet here this morning — I feel party responsible, as I’ve been radio silent for having a surprising and drama queen-y trip to the emergency room yesterday afternoon (which stretched into evening, and then stretched into night). My diagnosis is that I’m not dying, and I’ll have to follow up with my own doctor to find out why I had sudden, crippling chest pain in the middle of the day. The part that bothered me the most about this whole ordeal (beside the sheer embarrassment of having been wheeled out of my office on a stretcher — thank God most everyone was on vacation so there weren’t that many people to see it) was that I missed all the talk of fantasy teams! Boo!! Suffice to say, McCrotch’s Marauders are going to kick everyone else’s asses.
Oh, and kdarc_OTT, I love the NevDevs! My host father on my trip to Russia was this totally creepy guy, and being small-minded and petty, I was thrilled to be able to laugh at him one evening as he tried to show off how great his English was. He was discussing what types of produce he was able to grow as a child at his dacha, and he decided he was having trouble conveying to me what he meant with one word. So he pulled out the dictionary and, brooking no argument from me or his son, spent many long and hilarious (at his expense) minutes searching the “W” section for “wegetable”.
CC, I’d never seen the second link you sent before — Ovie is just so adorable! My God, the golf swing! I love it!
And yes, I will pile on here and mention that scorpions are SO HEINOUS. They were VERY high on my list of reasons why I wanted to move back east.
Oh CapsChic…I love Ovie more….and he is truely a disturbing golfer……..and could there be ANY LESS furniture in that house????
Glad to hear you are ok Schnookie….although now that I know you are…..I am finding myself giggling a bit about the imagination of you being carried out in a stretcher…..I think mostly because I know how humiliated I would be….
I am finding myself giggling a bit about the imagination of you being carried out in a stretcher
Please do giggle away! I am seriously contemplating just finding a new job rather than having to go back and face everybody. Especially because when they ask what was wrong I’ll have to say, “Uh… nothing.” I figured I’d call my company’s emergency medical response people because I was planning to go to the ER one way or the other, and I didn’t want to be that idiot who wastes 25 minutes during a potentially serious episode by driving themselves home from work or something. I did not expect to end up with almost a dozen people showing up at my cubicle, ranging from volunteer company-specific EMTs, a registered nurse, two actual EMTs, and three people from the building emergency staff. Then I was like, “I think I can walk down to the ambulance you guys called,” and they were all, “Nope. Now stop wriggling and lie still while we strap you onto this gurney and hook you up with an oxygen mask.” Gah. SO. EMBARRASSING.
Gosh, Schnookie… I would have been scared to death seeing you being carted off. I’m sure you co-workers aren’t at the office thinking, she better have been at death’s door, or that was a waste of our time and attention.
They’ll be thrilled to hear you’re okay.
““Nope. Now stop wriggling and lie still while we strap you onto this gurney and hook you up with an oxygen mask.” Gah. SO. EMBARRASSING.”
That sucks! One time, a couple years back, I literally passed out in the middle of a casino floor in Lake Tahoe! I wasn’t even really drunk! Anyways, same thing…medical staff, casino staff…totally embarrassing! Luckily I never had to see any of those people again. so I guess it not similar to your experience at all, Schnookie. Sorry about that.
Steph! I love Gogol Bordello!! I’ve never seen that movie, but I’m always down for some gypsy-punk!
OH POOR SCHNOOKIE! I am so glad you’re okay. If it makes you feel any better, a few years ago I went to the emergency room because I was certain I was dying of a heart attack. Um, no. Not a heart attack. Heartburn. But heartburn hurts, yo.
I am sure that you were suffering from something much more hard core than heartburn but completely NON-fatal now that you’ve survived your mortifying trip to the emergency room. In fact, what you had was probably extremely deadly in the moment (Who knows, maybe that team of office medical workers saved your life by strapping you to that gurney.), but now that you’ve survived the initial illness, will disappear, never to bother you again. You are a hero!
Andrew have you heard their new cd? SO GOOD! (They actually show up IN the movie of Everything is Illuminated – it was the first I ever saw of them. I said something like “Dude look at the guy running around with the crazy bass drum!” and my friend said “Um, yeah, that’s the drummer.”)
Katebits, I’m so relieved to hear your story, because I’m beginning to suspect that heartburn (or, as we in the medical industry like to call it to make it sound much more serious, “acid reflux”) was my problem. But seriously — I’ve had heartburn before. This was crushing, shortness-of-breath-inducing, paralyzing chest pain. The fact that it went away after an hour is, um, just an indication that yes, the gurney ride was TOTALLY medicinal. And the oxygen masks. (Yeah, I had two oxygen hook-ups. They started me on one of those nosehole tube things. Then they upgraded me to a full-on mask. And I don’t doubt they saved my life. I wouldn’t call those oxygen masks “Shithead”! I’d call them “Lifesaver”!)
andrew, I love that you marvel at your passing out in a casino when you weren’t even drunk. That’s fantastic! What a terrible thing to have happen though. And I can imagine a casino would be just as solicitous and overdoing it as my employer was. Yeah, good thing you didn’t ever have to see your fellow casino patrons again…
Patty, thanks for reminding me that my coworkers were probably freaked out. I guess the fact that they’re all medical researchers means they understand not taking chest pains lightly. Or at least, I’ll hope so. The best part of the whole day, though, was that my boss was on vacation. I can deal with everyone else snickering behind my back, but not him.
Are you home today, Schookie? That’s gotta count for something, right? :D
Steph, I have not heard their new one yet! In fact, I have been quite out of the loop lately. Didn’t know they had a new one out! So I will definitely have to make a trek out to pick it up this weekend. (yeah, I know I’m old fashioned, I still buy music.)
Schnookie, I have been very drunk in a lot of casinos. That’s why it was so weird that I passed out (almost) sober!
Funny thing is that once the casino medical staff got me conscious, (more importantly, got the wife calmed down!) they got me to my feet, made sure I was okay and the casino floor boss walked us to the door. That was it! I think they probably thought I was on drugs or something and just wanted to shuttle me out of there.
Schnookie, I’m so glad to hear you’re ok, except for that case of acute embarrassment.
I agree, with Patt. Your coworkers will just be relieved you’re ok.
The worst part of my brush with death via acid reflux was when the TOTALLY HOT doctor came in an asked me if I was feeling any better since I drank the life saving hospital elixir they gave me when I first got to the emergency room, and I was all, “Thank God for you doctor. I do feel better. I am so grateful for your magical life saving medicines. I am certain I would have died without your help and government-regulated medication.” The doctor blinked politely at me, and then waited a beat for comic effect and said, “That medicine was Maalox. You should pick some up on the way home.”
Dammit. Why couldn’t it have just been a heart attack?
I’m sorry you had such a rough day yesterday, Schnookie! I hope you feel better!
*Patty, that is…I simply don’t know where that “y” got off to.
“That medicine was Maalox. You should pick some up on the way home.”
HAHAHAHAHA!!!! That’s awesome Katebits!!!
Oh man. That made my morning.
Andrew, it’s called ‘Super Taranta’ and it’s genius – I don’t think it was actually out yet when I got my hands on it, but it should be by now. In fact, I’m going to go listen to it right now! (It seems like the sort of thing that might successfully be able to drown out the more obnoxious than anything constant 24/7 construction work happening outside of my complex…)
Sorry ot hear about the trip to the ER Schnookie, though I am seriously thinking of calling my fantasy team “Medicinal Gurnies.”
My Dad had a very similar thing happen to him a few years back, and it was deemed “heartburn”, so it can happen.
Actually, the full story is the day before the episode, I totally back stabbed my dad in the board game Diplomacy and he was very P.O.’d at me. The next day he was taken out of our house on a gurney with chest pains, and I was pretty sure that I had just killed my father.
We were all releived it was just heartburn, just as I am releived to hear the same about you.
Feel better!
Katebits, it took 7 hours and Boomer barging around the nurse’s station before my ER experience produced some Maalox. Which had very little effect. But I’m hoping going on the Drury diet today (It’s all white!) will make me feel better until I can demand the prescription-strength Maalox from my doctor tomorrow.
And yes, I am home today. I thought I’d be able to get in to see my doctor, but I guess they don’t jump up and clear a spot in their schedule for ER visit follow-ups that involve the word “non-cardiac” in conjunction with “chest pain”. So I’m “sick” today (playing lots of medicinal katamari and eating lots of plain white rice), and will be officially at the doctor tomorrow. It’s like a mini-vacation! But in which I got to spend three hours listening to an elderly woman in the ER bay next to mine weeping dramatically for someone to give her more Percocet.
andrew, I love the thought of the casino staff people just wanting you to not be on their premises when you died. Here I was thinking they’d have been super-helpful, but really they just wanted someone to roll your dying body onto the sidewalk outside so they wouldn’t be responsible for you. (I’m also impressed your wife noticed and freaked out, rather than just being super-engrossed in the slot machines and whatnot…)
Morgan, that’s a great story, but I have to say — have you ever considered that, while you didn’t kill your father per se, you clearly caused him severe heartburn. And as Katebits and I can attest, that is NO LAUGHING MATTER.
“it’s called ‘Super Taranta’ and it’s genius”
I am all over it!
“while you didn’t kill your father per se, you clearly caused him severe heartburn. And as Katebits and I can attest, that is NO LAUGHING MATTER.”
I know, I know. I feel shame…
Aye, last time I take a break from furious IPB refreshing! (Haven’t had a chance to catch up on everything yet…)
I hope you’re feeling better Schnookie and I’m glad to hear that you’re not dying.
“really they just wanted someone to roll your dying body onto the sidewalk outside so they wouldn’t be responsible for you.”
Seriously! I was just a statistic to them! At least they brought me some oxygen. Like there’s not enough being pumped into the casino already.
“I’m also impressed your wife noticed and freaked out, rather than just being super-engrossed in the slot machines and whatnot…”
She was right there, so I would be concerned if she hadn’t noticed!
Well, let’s try this one more time.
Morgan, at least you have a better track record that I do. I did once nearly kill my mom (and my sister and myself) when I threw a tantrum in the car on the way to hockey practice.
Also, WTH is Maalox? We do not have this mythical medicine here Holland (or as Jordi likes to refer to it “Amish Country”)
IT WORKED :D YAY!
But in which I got to spend three hours listening to an elderly woman in the ER bay next to mine weeping dramatically for someone to give her more Percocet.
I feel enough time has gone by for us all to feel sorry for Schnookie, now I can start demanding some sympathy for me! Because I also got to spend three hours listening to an elderly woman in the ER bay next to Schnookie’s weeping dramatically for someone to give her more Percocet. Only I wasn’t sitting on a bed. And I didn’t have a good reason to be there. And it was my vacation, which was supposed to be spent playing Katamari and having a good time. Poor me!
(Seriously, I spent all afternoon convincing myself I wouldn’t freak out that Schnookie complained on IM of searing chest pain and then didn’t respond again. So then at 6 when she called from the hospital saying they were “running tests” I went into full on freak out mode. We have a long and sad family history of heart disease. So then we get to the ER and I get to spend 4 hours listening to the above referenced woman’s cry for pain meds and Schnookie apologizing over and over again for “over-reacting to chest pain”. When one is inwardly freaking out, the last thing one wants to hear is the oxymoron “over-reacting to chest pain with a family history of heart disease”. )
In short, Schnookie owes me big time for ruining my vacation!
Katebits, it took 7 hours and Boomer barging around the nurse’s station before my ER experience produced some Maalox.
That’s terrible. I think I must have lucked out because they were feeding me Maalox pretty fast once I got to the emergency room.
andrew, I love the thought of the casino staff people just wanting you to not be on their premises when you died.
I would think a casino would be a terrible place to have a legitimate non-substance abuse related illness. Can you imagine all the insane people casinos are dealing with on a daily basis? You’d have to be REALLY sick before they took you seriously. Passing out sounds scary though, especially for your wife, andrew!
And as Katebits and I can attest, that is NO LAUGHING MATTER.
Seriously.
Katebits, it took 7 hours and Boomer barging around the nurse’s station before my ER experience produced some Maalox.
Was she all…
It’s past ten. My daughter is in pain. I don’t understand why she has to have this pain. All she has to do is hold out until ten, and IT’S PAST TEN! My daughter is in pain, can’t you understand that! GIVE MY DAUGHTER THE SHOT! ?
:P
Yeah, poor Pookie!
I spend a lot of time apologizing to whoever I drag to the ER with me when I end up in there. It sucks to be sitting there waiting for the doctors, but it sucks so much worse to be sitting for no reason related to your own personal health.
Wait, people are dying today? WTF? Dammit, you going to make me read all these comments today?
OH POOR POOKIE! That sounds agonizing. Hospitals are horrible.
Poor Pookie, too!
When I first read that Schnookie had to go to the hospital, I immediately put myself in the shoes of you and your mom, thinking OMG! I’d be freaking out if it were my sister!
(I like your vacation approach, too. I get a lot of grief at work when I take one of my weeks every year to just do nothing all week. You’re not going anywhere!?!?! What will you do all day? NOTHING!)
Pookie, I truly am sorry. As a child with an extremely accident prone older brother, I spent more than a few boring hours in the ER over the years. I sympathize.
“Can you imagine all the insane people casinos are dealing with on a daily basis? You’d have to be REALLY sick before they took you seriously.”
Seriously! The EMT was asking me, “So, what have you ingested today?” Obviously insinuating drug use. Totally dazed, I answered, “Uh, chicken wings and Guinness.” Not sure he believed me.
Katebits, your story is scary/funny, too. Sure, a doctor that’s funny is fine if you meet him in a bar, but it’s a little annoying when he’s joking when you’re the ER patient.
Totally dazed, I answered, “Uh, chicken wings and Guinness.” Not sure he believed me.
He’s probably saying, “Hurry, get him out of here before people hear him blaming the chicken wings!”
OH POOR POOKIE! That sounds agonizing. Hospitals are horrible.
They really, really are. The worst part was that since the hospital was in Princeton, I took the opportunity to go to the best pizza place on Earth to get us dinner for when we all got home. Schnookie said, “Pizza sounds great. I should be out of here by 8:30 or so.” So I went and got the pizzas, left the in the car where they began very quickly losing their brick-oveny goodness, and then went back into the ER. About on hour later we all saw we weren’t any closer to leaving and Schnookie said, “I didn’t really want pizza anyway.” So I should have just gone, eaten my dinner at the pizza place where the stuff would have been fresh and delightful, but instead I sat on an uncomfortable ER stool, listening to that woman shout for her Percocet while Schnookie slept and my pizza got cold and gross. As Zach Parise has said in many an interview, “If I could have gone back and done that differently, I think I would.” Hm. Maybe Schnookie owes me some fresh Old World Pizza someday to make up for ruining my vacation…
Before we feel too sorry for Pookie, I’d like to point out that she didn’t have to sit alone in the ER for two hours, part of which was spent being held hostage by a volunteer who wanted to share pictures of her grandchildren with me. I understand why the volunteers do that, but what about a 31-year-old woman, sitting alone in the ER listening to her iPod and making cranky faces at how her cell phone isn’t getting any signal, makes an elderly volunteer think pictures of grandchildren are welcome? And then when she got into complaining about how her kids are raising their kids… God. I was wishing I had had a heart attack.
Hospitals are horrible.
We try :D
(and hey! Don’t be hating on my “work”place now!)
Patty, I’m all about vacations where I do nothing! When I get back vacations where I go somewhere, I always feel like I need a week of doing nothing to rest up before going back to work.
The EMT was asking me, “So, what have you ingested today?”
Or maybe he was just trying to think of a diplomatic way to ask if you’d shot anything directly into your veins, since you were being so literal about “ingesting” things and you’re obviously on drugs!
Totally dazed, I answered, “Uh, chicken wings and Guinness.” Not sure he believed me.
He’s probably saying, “Hurry, get him out of here before people hear him blaming the chicken wings!”
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
At the risk of putting poor Schnookie back in the hospital, and thus forcing to drag poor Pookie back with her, I got my Hockey News Yearbook today (when oh when is my subscription to that crappy rag going to expire!) and guess who’s on the cover… Scott Gomez in his Rangers jersey!
Scott Gomez in his Rangers jersey!
I just lost my proverbial chicken wings and Guinness.
I just lost my proverbial chicken wings and Guinness.
Hahaha!
“I just lost my proverbial chicken wings and Guinness.”
HA!
Scott Gomez in his Rangers jersey!
Someone call 911 because I am going to hurt somebody.
I just lost my proverbial chicken wings and Guinness.
HA! Nice!
when oh when is my subscription to that crappy rag going to expire!
I’m glad you say that, Morgan. I had a sub for that and let it expire during the lockout. I thought it was crappy, but I had nothing to compare it to.
Is there another hockey magazine that would be good? I get the impression that there isn’t.
Someone call 911 because I am going to hurt somebody.
Maybe just take some Maalox.
(It’s for indigestion and heartburn… like Pepto-Bismol. Or like a liquid Tums.)
“Someone call 911 because I am going to hurt somebody.”
I gotcha Mags! 9-1-1 funding, right here people! (how often do I get to give a workplace shoutout? What can I say, I have a boring job.)
Stupid tags. *rolls eyes at herself*
Andrew, you’re the one who is keeping us rolling in 9-1-1? Thanks, buddy!
Is there another hockey magazine that would be good? I get the impression that there isn’t.
I think the Hockey News is the only ‘magazine’ type that comes out regularly. I know there’s another one called McKeens or something but I think they only do the statbittys…not that I’ve ever read it.
I’m proud to say I canceled my Hockey News subscription ages and ages even before the lockout. The kicker was recognizing that the Devils coverage was coming from Rich Chere. The light bulb when on slowly, “Heeeey, if the Devils coverage is coming from a source I’m not crazy about, why am I trusting the rest of the coverage for the other teams?”
“you’re the one who is keeping us rolling in 9-1-1? Thanks, buddy!”
Hold those thanks Katebits. I only handle California. You New Yorkers are on your own!
Patty, thanks for telling me what Maalox is. Learned a new thing today! Yay!
Andrew, I owe you man. Saved my life.
I honestly kept the subscription for the Elston comics, but he retired this year so there was really no point anymore. I’m just to lazy to call up THN and tell them to take their Devil hating rag and shove it sideways.
I only have one really terrible ER experience and that was from last summer. My brother and I got into a car accident and I was sitting right at the point of impact so I was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance and despite being assured that I was in the ‘priority’ section, still managed to wait 3 hours before anybody showed up. I sat in a room for about another hour before anybody even showed up.The doctor than proceeded to ask me poorly phrased questions about what happened and seemed genuinely irritated with me when I didn’t answer them properly because I had no idea what he was trying to ask me. MamaScarlett managed to somehow find me while I was waiting and she was ready to lay the smackdown on somebody for making me wait that long.
Patty, I’m all about vacations where I do nothing! When I get back vacations where I go somewhere, I always feel like I need a week of doing nothing to rest up before going back to work.
You were getting some sympathy from from me, Pookie, until you said that. Tomorrow after work I hit the road. I’m going to drive 700 miles to attend a freaking wedding, the I’m going to spend a week driving all over the tri-state area visiting as many friends and relatives as possible then drive 700 miles back and jump right into work. And of course I won’t be able to visit everybody so I’m going to get calls and emails from people with hurt feelings.
I’m so sorry, Mr. Frisby! I hope you have a fantastic time, though!
Sherry, that sounds awful, I’m so sorry!
Morgan, go for it! Tell those Hockey News people what they deserve to hear! And you’re right, it was worth it for the Elston comic. Although this year, even if he hadn’t retired, it would have been tough to see his comics because all the players look like Raffie. Not that I’m sad to see Raffie go, but it’s easier knowing he’s out West and I won’t be reminded of him often.
So I was thinking of names for my fantasy team. I like “Terminal Pommerdoodleocity” but it’s too long. Pommerdoodle has a lot of letters in it!
MamaScarlett managed to somehow find me while I was waiting and she was ready to lay the smackdown on somebody for making me wait that long.
I love it when moms lay the smackdown. It’s like the normally sweet little doggie that will rip your throat out if you bother her puppies.
By the way, nobody liked my Terms of Endearment reference? I admit I copied and pasted it from imdb.com, but still. Also, I’ll admit that I was really picturing John Lithgow in 3rd Rock From the Sun doing a parody of it. :D
The last time I went to the ER was because I broke a finger when I fell off of my skateboard. It swelled up 3 times the normal size and turned many shades of blue. I also bruised my hip in the same fall but it was just a bruise. So I go limping in and sit down while a nice old lady takes my insurance and emergency contact information. A guy comes out with a wheelchair and tells me to get in to it.
Me: Do I have to?
Wheelchair guy: It’s hospital policy
Me: For a broken finger?
Wheelchair guy: [looking agitated at nice lady] Did you call me here for somebody else?
Nice Lady: Oh, I’m sorry, but he was limping when he came in.
I’m sticking with something to do with toasters for this whole name thing – but I can’t figure out what. I feel like I need an adjective!
How about (and this is original): “The Brave Little Toasters”
It’s like the normally sweet little doggie that will rip your throat out if you bother her puppies.
It’s even more disheartening when my mother is about the same height as I am (not tall) and seeing her actually make grown men cry.
I broke a finger when I fell off of my skateboard. It swelled up 3 times the normal size and turned many shades of blue.
Hurts like hell doesn’t it.
It’s even more disheartening when my mother is about the same height as I am (not tall) and seeing her actually make grown men cry.
Well good for her.
I’m trying to think of my best ER story. It’s sort of depressing that I actually have a few to choose from…
“By the way, nobody liked my Terms of Endearment reference?”
Sorry Patty, I figured it was a movie quote, but I’ve never actually seen Terms of Endearment. I was with you in spirit though!
How about (and this is original): “The Brave Little Toasters”
Dang it! I wish I’d thought of that. :D
By the way, nobody liked my Terms of Endearment reference?
I totally didn’t know what it was from! (I haven’t seen Terms of Endearment…) I meant to ask, but then got distracted.
Oh, and thanks for mentioning Gomer in his slag-faced whore sweater, Morgan. That has totally rekindled my heartburn.
Terminal Pommerdoodleocity is a fantastic name for a fantasy team! But as I’ve learned from putting the word “interchangeable” in our blog name, words that have lots of letters are hard!
Frisby, that’s a great ER story. What you really needed, I think, was MamaScarlett coming to lay some smack down on the people thinking you needed a wheelchair.
So…speaking of Ovie, don’t know if this is legitimate or not but apparently he got into a fight with Evgeni Malkin’s agent and broke his jaw:
http://twominutesforblogging.blogspot.com/2007/08/ovechkins-beats-up-malkins-agent.html
Oh, and thanks for mentioning Gomer in his slag-faced whore sweater, Morgan. That has totally rekindled my heartburn.
I have heartburn too! I’m not kidding! Gomer reminded me of Drury and now the bile is rising. SLAG FACED WHORES!
So…speaking of Ovie, don’t know if this is legitimate or not but apparently he got into a fight with Evgeni Malkin’s agent and broke his jaw
Hmm…while I’m ok with fighting (though not a fan of enforcers) in a hockey setting, I definitely cannot get behind fighting in a non-athletic setting.
Patty, I also have not seen “Terms of Endearment”. Sorry! But I’ll trust you that it was a great reference!
andrew, Terminal Poomerdoodlocity is a great name for a team! Imagine the ferocious looking poomerdoodlers that would make up the team’s logo!
Haha Sherry that’s brilliant! Now I just need to figure out a name for the other two I’m in…I’m not sure toasters will go over as well there :P
I also have not seen “Terms of Endearment”. Sorry! But I’ll trust you that it was a great reference!
I barely saw it, and I don’t remember that scene, but it’s parodied so much I thought I was the only one. Much funnier in 3rd Rock.
andrew, I think if you use “Pommerdoodlocity” by itself, we can presume the “Terminal” part.
Maybe “T. Pommerdoodlocity”.
Mags, is there a medical abbreviation for “terminal?”
“Imagine the ferocious looking poomerdoodlers that would make up the team’s logo!”
I know, I could commission Frisby to draw up a logo! I was proud of myself when I thought of it, but alas, counting out the letters brought heartbreak. Ah well, I’ll get a new one!
Much funnier in 3rd Rock.
John Lithgow is (or at least was) heavily involved with the Tony-award winning theater in Princeton, NJ. He did a benefit event there when I was in high school. One of my classmates worked the coat room that night just to get the opportunity to tell him that “Buckaroo Bonzai” was her favorite movie. He looked her straight in the eye, put one hand on her shoulder and said gravely, “You… are one of the chosen ones.” How cook is that?!
So…speaking of Ovie, don’t know if this is legitimate or not but apparently he got into a fight with Evgeni Malkin’s agent and broke his jaw
That’s not cool at all.
Mags, is there a medical abbreviation for “terminal?”
Yeah, dying. (I keed, I keed. I’ll look it up. Gimme a minute)
“Mags, is there a medical abbreviation for “terminal?””
“Yeah, dying. ”
Ha!
“to tell him that “Buckaroo Bonzai” was her favorite movie. He looked her straight in the eye, put one hand on her shoulder and said gravely, “You… are one of the chosen ones.””
That is indescribably cool. Sounds like something Bruce Campbell would do.
Patty, it’s TN followed by the type of disease (bacteria, virus, mould etc) and whether it’s infectious or not.
“So…speaking of Ovie, don’t know if this is legitimate or not but apparently he got into a fight with Evgeni Malkin’s agent and broke his jaw”
Japer’s Rink has posted some info to disprove the rumor. So, we’ll wait and see if it actually happened.
I loved Buckaroo Bonzai, too! I couldn’t have cared less about Lithgow before 3rd Rock from the Sun came along, but he turned out to be a genius. It’s one of my favorite shows of all time.
“it’s TN followed by the type of disease (bacteria, virus, mould etc) and whether it’s infectious or not.”
TN Pommerdoodleocity viral HIGHLY CONTAGIOUS
Jeez, that didn’t help shorten the name at all.
Patty, it’s TN followed by the type of disease (bacteria, virus, mould etc) and whether it’s infectious or not.
andrew, I think “TN Pommerdoodlocity” will fit. Maybe spelling out Terminal would be funnier. (Timing is key in comedy.)
TN Pommerdoodleocity viral HIGHLY CONTAGIOUS
Sure, it’s a lot of letters, but I’m not sure even McCrotch’s Marauders can stop TN Pommerdoodleocity viral HIGHLY CONTAGIOUS.
Dibs on HIGHLY CONTAGIOUS!
I’m still not having luck with a name. How about ‘Slag Faced Pimps’?
You know what’s really sad? The Brave Little Toasters, and I can’t even have Bryz on my team! Stupid eastern conference! :P
“Dibs on HIGHLY CONTAGIOUS!”
Whether you want the Pommerdoodleocity or not, it doesn’t matter. The virus gets you!
Katebits, am I making this up or was there a hobbyist hockey team at Oberlin called “The Plague”? Why is it I have this mental image of promotional posters featuring the Flames’ flaming-”C” logo, rounded out to make a flaming “O”, and the exhortation for all of us spectators to turn up at a certain time and place to “Catch The Plague!”?
I’m still not having luck with a name. How about ‘Slag Faced Pimps’?
How about just “Don Meehan”?
I like Slag-Faced Pimps. For a name, of course. Not in general.
I can’t think of anything good for a name, either. My plan is to pretend that I want to suprise everybody, but really I just don’t have any ideas.
“How about just “Don Meehan”?”
ZING
Any NHL hockey player called Tibor? Because then I’m calling “Dibs on Tibs”. Even if he sucks.
How about just “Don Meehan”?
I read over that, but wow. Well played!
Brilliant, Schnookie!
Patty, wait — you’re not going with Texas Patty Melt? (Oh, and I also like slag-faced pimps. The people. The team? Not so much. I mean, they’re competing with McCrotch’s Marauders, so I have to hate the team.)
wow :x everyone has such interesting ER stories… and I’m really glad everyone’s turned out okay :D
I was seriously slackjawed to come onto IPB and find the words “I’m not dying” on the screen. :P
Slag Faced Pimps? :^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Patty, I like Texas Patty Melt and the Jack-two-ohs.
Well, Schnookie, Texas Patty Melt is in the clubhouse, but hopefully there’s a player still out on the course that can overtake it.
Not that it’s not a great name, but I think they only call that sandwich that in California. It probably has sliced avocado on it! :D
“It probably has sliced avocado on it! :D”
and tofu too!
Stupid California! Wait, what?
Stupid California! Wait, what?
hee hee!
Stupid California! Wait, what?
*gigglesnort*
You could avoid the issue all together and just go with “Patty and the Buns”.
Shazam! Problem solved!
Speaking of bacteria, virus, mould etc (another hospital story coming) a few years ago I got a really bad chest cold. I went to the doctor and she sent me to the hospital for chest x-rays. When I get there a nurse takes me to a booth and tells me to get nekked and put on the hospital gown. After they take x-rays she asks me to wait while they make sure they came out all right. So I’m sitting out in the waiting room and she peaks around the corner and goes, “pssst, Fris” and motions me to follow her. She takes me back to the booth and gets up close to me (causing all kinds of perverted thoughts in my head). Then she holds up the x-rays, points out my nipple ring and whispers, “can you take this out so we can take new x-rays?”.
“She takes me back to the booth and gets up close to me (causing all kinds of perverted thoughts in my head). Then she holds up the x-rays, points out my nipple ring and whispers, “can you take this out so we can take new x-rays?”.”
Frisby! You dirty little monkey!
Frisby! NASTY!
They made me take out my tongue stud when they x-rayed my jaw pre-surgery. I’d taken out my lip ring but I’d completely forgotten I still had the tongue thing. Oops.
“can you take this out so we can take new x-rays?”
Whoa! New and interesting info about Mr. Frisby!
I know! :D
You could avoid the issue all together and just go with “Patty and the Buns”.
How about “Patty and the Cakes”?
New Canucks uniform shots.
Thank goodness they decided to label themselves. Just in case somebody else decides to also use their logo, I guess.
Then she holds up the x-rays, points out my nipple ring and whispers, “can you take this out so we can take new x-rays?”.
You should have said, “I’m not wearing a nipple ring!” See if they would believe that you had aspirated it. :D
“How about “Patty and the Cakes”?”
Damnit! You have such a versatile name! Nothing works with “andrew”! I’m screwed!
THey’re not any more hideous than they were originally. Not an improvement. It’s all right. The labelling is really quite strange.
Nothing works with “andrew”!
O yeah?
“AndRew the Day You Beat Me”
Frisby! You dirty little monkey!
I know, I know, she was just trying to be discreet and I totally took it the wrong way. I blame late night Cinemax.
THey’re not any more hideous than they were originally. Not an improvement. It’s all right. The labelling is really quite strange.
I think they are more hideous because of the labelling. Then again, I suppose Canucks fans know from personal experience that it could be ever-so-much worse.
Dude, that’s supposed to say “AndRew the Day You MEET Me”
DAMNIT.
Damnit! You have such a versatile name! Nothing works with “andrew”! I’m screwed!
You’re lucky! I’ve heard them all. A lot. Even though they seem clever to people not named Patty, they seem hackneyed to me.
Maybe “The Patty Line” and I could all the Pattys in the EC to be on the team.
I could GET all the Pattys.
“AndRew the Day You MEET Me”
That works too Mags. Good work!
I can understand if they put ‘Canucks’ on but why ‘Vancouver’?
They’re actually a lot more hideous than I thought they were. The actual jersey is all right but I’m really not liking the ‘Vancouver’ part.
Maybe “The Patty Line” and I could all the Pattys in the EC to be on the team.
That’d be brilliant!
Maybe I should be ‘The Sherry Bobbins’
I think they are more hideous because of the labelling.
Where are they going to put the “C” and “A”s?
Yeah Andrew, what are you talking about, you have more options than me name-wise!
“I suppose Canucks fans know from personal experience that it could be ever-so-much worse.”
Okay, who ordered the big, giant, hideous, orange, and yellow V? No one? Well, it says Vancouver right here on the packing slip…
Andrewmeda Strain?
Yeah Andrew, what are you talking about, you have more options than me name-wise!
Or me! What works with Meghan? A whole lot of nothing.
Hahaha Steph I don’t think anything goes with Vinny either, so we’re in the same boat.
Where are they going to put the “C” and “A”s?
They’ll just make the C in “Vancouver” bigger on Naslund’s sweater. I actually like the return to the old colors, but my brain hurts thinking about the giant label.
Maybe I should be ‘The Sherry Bobbins
And your team anthem would be “Do It the Half-assed Way”!
Maybe “The Patty Line” and I could all the Pattys in the EC to be on the team.
Watch out for that Patty Elias. Boyfriend’s got issues.
How about ‘The Invinnycinbles”
“Andrewmeda Strain?”
It combines my first name with my love of bad sci-fi…brilliant!
“what are you talking about, you have more options than me name-wise!”
Steph! C’mon! you could go with “Stephylococcus aureus”. Too much hospital talk going on around here today.
Having a nickname that incorporates one’s real name is a drag. Take it from “Smelly Whore Eleanor”.
And your team anthem would be “Do It the Half-assed Way”!
And be filled with forwards who make half-assed passes and defensemen who make half-assed attempts to clear the blue-line. Being last will be fun!
Andrewmeda Strain?
That’s a good one!
Steph Infection?
(sorry, Steph)
by blue-line, I meant zone. I really shouldn’t multi task.
“Stephylococcus aureus”.
That’s the nice one. You want MRSA. That’s a killer.
“Or me! What works with Meghan? A whole lot of nothing.”
Great Megspectations?
How about “Twelve-Steph Program”?
How about ‘The Invinnycinbles”
I liked that movie! Except then I had to analyze it in English class, and I found out how much I hated it in reality.
I just saw Ratatouille with some younger cousins actually. It was cute.
By the way, I totally want you to go back to the ER for chest x-rays, Frisby, so you can try out Patty’s “I’m not wearing a nipple ring” line. Take care of that, will ya? And then report back? Thanks. You’re a doll.
Ratatouille was cute, but I couldn’t get past the swarming rats, even if they were the good guys.
Steph! C’mon! you could go with “Stephylococcus aureus”. Too much hospital talk going on around here today.
You know what, Elly is in school for some vet tech sort of something, and had a class about something something parasitic something, and informed me that she mistyped staphylococcus with an e EVERY time she wrote it.
I must have blocked that endearment out of my mind.
Hmm…speaking of rodents, maybe I should just call my team The Rabid Chinchillas.
I like that idea, Meg!
I want to draft only enforcers and name my team “Wicked Sensitive Crew”. Any Western Conference goalie had a fight recently? (If I was allowed EC I’d have to pick Emery. Despicable, but a scrapper)
You could just pretend you in reality just LOVE the coyotes. And see Mags then you could take Avery.
And Brashear and Cam and Peters and and and and. Yeah, the possibilities.
But it would be cheating.
Yeah, Mags would be running away with the penalty minutes category week after week :P
Don’t worry Mags, you got Boogaard, Parros, Ivanananans, and all kinds a great WC enforcers you can pick from!
Yeah, Mags would be running away with the penalty minutes category week after week :P
And you’d be grateful too. Someone’s gotta do it. (I fully expect to get my ass kicked in every category except goaltending. It would seriously suck if I was bad there)
Matthew Barnaby retired, so all we have is Ott. He’s more of a pest, though. We do have that minor-league guy that came up and fought a lot. I can’t believe I’ve forgotten his name.
Barch!
Ivanananans
I LOVE his name. Lovelovelove.
I just switched on my TV and the first thing that popped up was some Av getting checked in the board. If my sports channel is advertising the new season, surely hockey will be back soon?
Meg, the Rabid Chinchillas is a fantastic team name! Go for it!
Uh.. you could always just pick up Colby Armstrong… Cam Janssen (no I’m not over it). I know some guys think Tucker qualifies as a pest too. aahh.. I actually don’t know of any more enforcers from the West.
“I actually don’t know of any more enforcers from the West.”
Jordin Tootoo, Scott Parker, Josh Gratton, I could go on…
Jordin Tootoo
I know him. I’m so drafting Suckerpunch May and Bert if I can too.
Doesn’t TooToo actually have decent point totals? (like, for being an enforcer of sorts)
“I’m so drafting Suckerpunch May and Bert if I can too”
Nah, they’re over the hill. if you want some serious fighters out west get Laperriere (17 fights last season) or Parros (18 fights).
Of course they will, in no way, contribute otherwise to your fantasy team.
Probably be benched most of the season, really. You’re probably better off with TooToo and Bert.
Wow, speaking of fighting, WordPress is coming after me!
andrew, I’m afraid you might be naive if you think we’ll all build our teams to get points. We want laughs!
I tried posting a couple times, looks like it’s working now.
“Doesn’t TooToo actually have decent point totals? ”
Nope! 9 points in 65 games last season, -11
You want someone who fights and puts up points? Ryane Clowe. Trust me.
Of course they will, in no way, contribute otherwise to your fantasy team.
See, therein lies to secret to my happiness. I’m going in with a formula that won’t win me anything, because that way I’m going to be ok with losing. If I actually try hard at this I’m liable to loose my shit at least once a week. That isn’t good for my relationship with hockey.
34 pts and 78 PIMS in 58 games last year for the Sharks. He is no joke! Now that he’ll be a regular on the roster….
andrew, I’m afraid you might be naive if you think we’ll all build our teams to get points. We want laughs!
When I said I would be choosing based on names I liked, my roommate requested that I instead print out roster photos and she’ll help me pick based on appearance. That sounds like a lot of work though.
Probably be benched most of the season, really. You’re probably better off with TooToo and Bert.
Yeah, I don’t even know who’s going to be doing Anaheim’s fighting next year. Parros is certainly willing when he dresses, and Moen’s dropped the gloves a few times, but it seems that most of our famous lead-the-league-in-fights from last year have departed.
Shawn Thornton? Boston. Shane O’Brien? Tampa Bay. Todd Fedoruk? Dallas.
Maybe we’re cleaning up our act.
“Maybe we’re cleaning up our act.”
Or maybe Burke decided that dressing 7 enforcers for every game next year may not result in a Cup repaet.
Todd Fedoruk? Dallas.
Huh. Forgot about him.
There’s somebody from the West for you, Mags.
Or maybe Burke decided that dressing 7 enforcers for every game next year may not result in a Cup repeat.
Aw, who cares who the forwards are when you’ve got a blueline like this one.
Any Gabe Kaplan fans out there?
Any Gabe Kaplan fans out there?
From Welcome Back, Kotter?
One and the same. I only know the show from some Nick-at-Nite viewings, but it was the first thing I thought of when I decided to write a quick Scott-might-not-retire post.
yeah. i’m wondering how many shutouts Jiggy/Bryz/the-other-goalie-from-Europe (I think? I dunno. But I know they have a third goalie.) are going to get. It really sounds like Neider’s coming back.
Aw, who cares who the forwards are when you’ve got a blueline like this one.
Feuding! :P
(Sorry, I couldn’t resist.)
the-other-goalie-from-Europe (I think? I dunno. But I know they have a third goalie.)
His name is Jonas Hiller, and he’s Swiss. I don’t know anything else about the guy, except messageboards have instructed me to “think Backstrom” and I think he comes with a big cap hit for some reason.
I heard about his contract though, which is why I remembered Anaheim had three goalies. Max value is something like three million i think? It was a horribly expensive incentive based contract though.
Any Gabe Kaplan fans out there?
From Welcome Back, Kotter?
Don’t put me down as a fan. :D I just know who he is.
I’m sure Neider’s not the type, but he’d better not complain down the stretch because the Ducks spent all their money. This is my new pet peeve: Star players that hold out for a ton, then bitch because they only have rookies and graybeards to play with.
Not that Neidermayer’s going to do that, it just reminded me of that pet peeve.
Scott’s dream is to play with another graybeard!
Yeah, Duck messageboarders are being really tough on Scott today, for both the timing and the no-London thing. I’m much more blindly grateful about the whole thing.
who knows, maybe he has an insane problem with jetlag.
Like, transatlantic jetlag. or something.
“who knows, maybe he has an insane problem with jetlag.”
or, he might just be old and cranky.
who knows, maybe he has an insane problem with jetlag.
I’ll give him that. The 8 hour difference between Cali and England is a killer. I never have any trouble with the 6 hours between here and NYC, you can stay awake that extra time. But the one time I was in LA I spent most of my time being incredibly disorientated. 8/9 hours is just 2 too many.
Damn italics tag.
I dunno–all this kind of makes me wonder whether Scotty is a wanted man in England. Outstanding warrants, maybe?
Perhaps he has an illegitimate child there.
Or an illegitimate brother.
He’s starting to sound like that jerk Roger Clemens. He doesn’t pitch on the road. And he only shows up when he’s pitching. Sometimes not even then.
“Perhaps he has an illegitimate child there.”
Felony arrest perhaps?
Earl, I think you might be on to a good topic for a post here…Niedermayer’s speculative criminal past.
Maybe he’s a British spy and might be recognized in his old haunts.
Or an illegitimate brother.
Yeah, he can’t go around winning all his brothers Cups.
Roger Clemens! Apparetly he’s up for the Yankees tonight in what is supposed to be a really good pitching matchup (against…Beckett?) according to my Red Sox fan friend. I’m more concerned with PitchyCrunchy – if he can’t hold up decently against the Royals I’m going to start having to worry for his future with the team. Come onnnn PitchyCrunchy!
(I hear they’re resting Pudge tonight too! What? Why!?)
Pudge thought tonight’s game was in England.
He’s starting to sound like that jerk Roger Clemens.
Speaking of Ol’ Clemer, I was watching the Yankees today (Why? I have no idea. I’m a masochist) and I noticed that every. single. time they show Clemens he seems to be chowing down on something. A sandwich, peanuts, chewing gum, WHATEVER. But he’s always eating. No wonder he’s so fat. Urgh.
I hear they’re resting Pudge tonight too! What? Why!?
So we can see more shots of him laughing and joking in the dugout?
I noticed that every. single. time they show Clemens he seems to be chowing down on something.
In his case, the steroids were actually making him smaller.
if he can’t hold up decently against the Royals I’m going to start having to worry for his future with the team.
I hear they’re resting Pudge tonight too! What? Why!?
O nice. Now I’m going to spazz all evening. Pitchyyyyyy ;_;
The scariest thing about Clemens, is that when he did come back, the Yankees decided they weren’t going to suck the rest of the season.
Ugh.
I was watching the Yankees today (Why? I have no idea. I’m a masochist)
Well I intend to watch clips of tonight’s game, since I think I get ESPN2, just in hopes that there will be a Gagne sighting. Use that as your excuse?
So we can see more shots of him laughing and joking in the dugout?
Well…I like that plan :P (But it seems so weird, he’s batting .500 lifetime against the Royals’ starter tonight, I hear)
O nice. Now I’m going to spazz all evening. Pitchyyyyyy ;_;
He’ll be okay! I don’t think they’d give him up that easily, since he’s just little and they know it’ll take a while…but I still worry, just in case some majorly good trade offer comes along.
Well I intend to watch clips of tonight’s game, since I think I get ESPN2, just in hopes that there will be a Gagne sighting. Use that as your excuse?
Oh I’m going to watch all right. Just to hurl insults at Clemens.
Last time I was able to talk about Clemens as a player, he was with the Red Sox. So….yeah, I got nothing.
He was funny in Kingpin!
Best penalty kick ever….
http://www.ziddio.com/oneVideo.zd?dispatch=fetch&artifactId=27801
When I was a kid, we took a vacation to Hawaii and stayed a few doors down from Roger Clemens and his family. These condos shared a common pool, so we were all down there one evening and I had a hamburger cooked by the Rocket.
That’s really the only point of the story, other than I was so far removed from sports at that point that it had to be pointed out to me who Roger Clemens was.
Man, my comments keep getting eaten. And that last one was a doozie!
Was Clemens a jerk when you met him, Earl?
Haha!
That reminds me, I have a (gay like you wouldn’t believe) friend who used to work at a fitness club in Detroit. Apparently Chris Osgood frequented it, and the two of them got to be good friends – they’d actually work out together, I’ve heard stories of saunas (he abhors hockey and whenever I start talking about it he says nothing but “seven inches” until I stop), and he even got free lunch out of Ozzie two or three times. And all this time he had no clue who he was hanging out with. Nearly a year later a bemused Osgood finally asked him if he knew who he was. Marc answered with some sort of tentative negative answer (you know, one of those “oh crap…should I?” type deals), and Ozzie’s reply was “I play hockey.” “Oh.” “…for the Red Wings.” “Oh.” “You have no idea what I’m talking about.” “…nope.”
At which point Osgood realized that the kid had no idea what the NHL was, and presumably gave up. Poor guy :P
Should I try it again? or take the hint? (Sorry if it double-posts)
I found out a few years ago that Clemens went to the high school in Houston that was right across the main drag from our townhouse complex when I was a kid. I was only in elementary school and went somewhere else (long story), so there’s no way I could have known about it then. When I found out, I didn’t know much about him, either, except that he was a famous pitcher and had been around forever. But now that I know he’s an a-hole, I keep forgetting about all that.
Totally off-topic, but I’m just reminded of the cool name my elementary school had: Pine Shadows Elementary
How funny, Steph!
Famous people want to find someone that loves them for themselves and doesn’t know they’re famous, but when the do find that person, it probably irks them.
Was Clemens a jerk when you met him, Earl?
No, he was really nice, but I don’t know, maybe I was 12? And as I recall the burger wasn’t bad either.
Well, he is a Texan. His parents probably gave him a spatula before they gave him a bat.
I’m leaving now. I hope to get home before a headhunter calls me to prep me for my phone interview tomorrow.
Wish me luck!
good luck patty!
I am still alive…I know you were all very worried about me….!!!
Glad to hear it is fine….sometime I will tell you about getting hit in the back of the head with a pool ball…and then getting subsequently knocked out and waking up to the equivilant of the local drunk “Norm” trying to give me mouth to mouth while the EMT’s were trying to pull him off of me screaming at him that I was breathing on my own……
I was young….it was Alaska…..what can I say….weird shit happens to me……
And with his eating habits (as shown by TV), I wouldn’t doubt that.
“and then getting subsequently knocked out and waking up to the equivilant of the local drunk “Norm” trying to give me mouth to mouth while the EMT’s were trying to pull him off of me screaming at him that I was breathing on my own……”
Wow. That sounds like quite a tale there, Oil.
His parents probably gave him a spatula before they gave him a bat.
Ha! Nice!
That’s like when I met Marty Brodeur at a Christmas party. I think I was 10 or 11, and I’d seen him play (and I was still a sort of a Rangers fan at the time), but nothing in me registered that THAT was the guy I admired. He was nice about it though. And God, he laughed so hard when I realised who I was talking to and promptly started speaking French to him instead of English.
I so meant to italicize what Patty said.
and I missed you Oil :(
Oil outdid my ER story, and I haven’t even told it yet.
GOOD LUCK PATTY!
Hahaha yeah…Osgood strikes me as the kind of guy who’d want people to recognize him, too. Not that he doesn’t seem like a nice guy (apparently he is), but I could picture him just expecting people to know :P
Oil if that’s what Alaska’s like, maybe I now better understand what’s wrong with poor Ty Conklin.
Trust me….in the small town of Skagway they still talk about it….I would rather had you beat my story Mags….
Vinny…..I missed you too!!!
…is ESPN seriously playing Pirates of the Caribbean music during the Yankees/Sox pregame montage thing? Anyone? Ouch.
“is ESPN seriously playing Pirates of the Caribbean music during the Yankees/Sox pregame montage thing?”
Yikes. ESPN is such a joke. I honestly don’t think I’ve watched it since they dropped the NHL. No reason to watch it anymore.
Um, you probably won’t ever read this, but “good luck, Patty!”
Earl, that’s so fantastic you had a burger cooked by Clemens, and Steph I adore that story about Osgood. I know we’ve told the story about Brendan Morrison being uppity about not being recognized, so I’ll not repeat it, but needless to say, stories of celebrities not getting recognized always make me laugh.
That’s some story there, Oil! I’m glad to hear you came out of it alive!
I honestly don’t think I’ve watched it since they dropped the NHL. No reason to watch it anymore.
As an NFL and occasion PTI viewer, I can’t give up on ESPN altogether, but whenever I turn on SportsCenter to kill time, I feel like my brain is dying.
I have the US Open on right now and John MacEnroe and Jim Courier are both appalled that the network is demanding they discuss what Roger Federer is wearing. Al Trautwig sensed their discomfort and chirped, “OK then, back to serious tennis!” They both relaxed visibly. Ah, televised sports in the 21st century.
I intend to switch right over to FSN as soon as the Tigers are up, but for the next hour, the Red Sox are the closest I’m going to get to “sports I care about”. I cringe every time the Tigs are on this station though – except at the same time I’m glad that means at least a few of my non-Michigan located friends can catch it.
Schnookie, as far as I know Marc runs into him at the gym when he’s home from college, and they’re still friends. The subject of hockey has probably never been brought up again :P (I also have a friend who erm, decided after high school that the best course of action was to work at a strip club. She has since moved to Las Vegas, but she proclaims she’s danced for, and gotten a ride home from, Ozzie. I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised.)
And by Schnookie I again mean Pookie (it’s always you I do this to!) – I swear I can’t watch things and type at the same time :P
I really, really, really hate NASN right now. They promised me PitchyCrunchy! Why are they telling me they’re showing football instead? WHERE IS MY PITCHYCRUNCHY!
“Ah, televised sports in the 21st century.”
Seriously. I guess the three month break from sports around my house is always nice. Although I seem to be building up a serious backlog of movies on the tivo. I can’t keep up!!
And by Schnookie I again mean Pookie (it’s always you I do this to!)
That’s cook, Sherry! I’m used to it. :P
I guess the three month break from sports around my house is always nice.
I hadn’t really thought about it that way. I guess there’s a positive to the long off-season. If it weren’t for Katamari though, it would have been a bad, bad scene around here!
If it weren’t for Katamari though, it would have been a bad, bad scene around here!
I don’t even want to begin to imagine what the state of stately IPB manor would be. It sounds scary.
“If it weren’t for Katamari though, it would have been a bad, bad scene around here!”
I bought Destroy All Humans 2 and haven’t even been able to play it! Too busy whittling away at the movie queue.
Just watched one called ‘May’ last night. Ever seen it? It was Fucked up! That’s right, capital F!
Tell you all about it tomorrow. I am going home!
See you guys.
Good night, Andrew!
…whenever I turn on SportsCenter to kill time, I feel like my brain is dying.
I sometimes think back to my early sports-fan days, with SportsCenter on in the background, Rich Eisen still on there, interesting points made about games that had been played… Those were happy times.
I can barely even watch baseball on ESPN anymore because of all the commercials for all the other crap they spew.
Wow, a capital F.
Thanks for the luck wishes, but as I found out when I got home, they had offered that job to someone outside the realm of the headhunter. He was very apologetic and said they’d get right back to me if that person didn’t work out. So now I’m reduced to wishing failure on perfect strangers.
I’m not going to, though. I’ll wish success on that person in finding a job other than the one I want. :D
I bought Destroy All Humans 2 and haven’t even been able to play it! Too busy whittling away at the movie queue.
I have many a video game that I need to finish and thought I would during the offseason. I did finally finish Gun and did pass a stage on Robotech: Battlecry that I was stuck on, but that’s about it. I’m still stuck on the 6th mission of Heroes of the Pacific and still have not even taken Hitman: Contracts or Ghost in the Shell: Stand alone complex out of the wrapper yet. I’m such a terrible game-head.
I remember the glory days of the old 6PM SportsCenter, with Charley Steiner and Linda Cohn. Man, those were good times. That was such a sublime show, treating the sports news of the previous day and the upcoming evening with a welcome gravity… Then stupid Keith Olbermann and Dan Patrick made SportsCenter into a cultural phenomenon (and yes, their iteration of the show was the best thing going on TV for a while, no question about it) and ESPN was on its way to the masturbatory crapfest they are now.
I have many a video game that I need to finish and thought I would during the offseason.
I say this every year and it never works out. I’m currently obsessing over Yoshi’s Island on the DS. And I tried to finish FF:XII on the PS2, but I just got so bored with it that I gave up.
So now I’m reduced to wishing failure on perfect strangers.
That pretty much sums up my regular season experience. Suck it, Nabokov!
Patty, that so sucks about the job. I’m really, really sorry. I’m sure that job would have sucked anyway, and the job that’s really for you is right around the corner!
Patty, I totally didn’t see your comment there about the job — that blows! I’m sure those people will live to seriously regret not hiring you.
Patty clearly they wouldn’t have been open to your IPB needs, which means you didn’t actually want the job in the first place.
(please note I am at home and on the computer….a first in months)
The good news is that there no spiders in my gym bag full of hockey equipment and the wheels on my roller blades still do roll. The bad news is the smell of the sweaty old equipment almost knocked me out when I unzipped the bag. I gave everything a shot of febreeze and hung them up but I don’t think it will do much.
Fris…….I think I puked a little in my mouth….I know how bad PP’s gear can get after one day…and that is 6 year old sweat….not grown man sweat……
Word of advise……GET A HOCKEY TREE.
That pretty much sums up my regular season experience. Suck it, Nabokov!
Hahaha!
And Earl, I stopped by BoC and now I see what you were doing with the Welcome Back, Kotter thing.
I was thinking… Welcome Back, Niedermayer? Kind of a stretch, Sleek! But I’m glad I didn’t say that, because your idea was much funnier!
Thanks for the job sympathy, ya’ll. The headhunter said they were planning to pay, like, 20 grand more than I make. So, no offense, but I could have caught up with IPB on my off-time for that money. :D
But fortunately, I don’t have to make that decision.
Word of advise……GET A HOCKEY TREE.
I will get right on that as soon as I finish building Wu Fei’s cat tree.
(sorry about the puke)
I gave everything a shot of febreeze and hung them up but I don’t think it will do much.
Frisby my friend, welcome to the club.
(Sorry I misspelled “y’all” up there. I’m trying not to worry about my typos, but that’s a pet peeve of mine and then I committed it.)
I was just watching the Ovechkin crib video, and OMG he has the same inflatable bed I had in front of the TV! I have a big room and at one end is the kitchen and the other is the TV area. After I got my new floors, I didn’t want to ruin them by putting that ratty old couch on them, denting them… so I sat on an inflatable bed to watch TV for probably two weeks.
OOOH you are making a hockey tree??? I made mine too!! I just typed in the VISA number and my address and then it showed up……..
Once you have one you will be amazed that you ever went without one.
Patty, you and Ovie are soul mates!
Here is where Wu Fei went the last time he escaped.
That hockey tree is awesome. I never even heard of such a thing until now.
Mags, I have been a member of the club for a few years. I just haven’t gone to many meetings in the last two years (since moving to Kentucky).
I figured since Wu Fei likes to climb, I would build him this.
Here is where Wu Fei went the last time he escaped.
Our house in Arizona had backyard that was entirely enclosed by a high block wall. The enclosure made a long alleyway without much landscaping down the side of the house. One day Boomer let Mahmoud the cat our to explore. He walked all over, fancying himself quite the hard-boiled outdoor kitty — until he got stuck in the alleyway and couldn’t find his way back. So he did want any self-respecting hard-boiled outdoor kitty would do. He cried and cried until Boomer found him and carried him back to his blanket in front of the TV.
Frisby, oooh, fancy. I’d say something clever, but I’m tapped out for the day.
I finally found a use for those old skateboards. [bird's eye view of cat tree]
Wu-Fei is so lucky! I hope he enjoys gleaming the tree.
Frisby, Wu Fei is adorable!
I hope he enjoys gleaming the tree.
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Don’t let his looks fool you Schnookie, sometimes he’s possesed by the Devil!
All good cats are, in my opinion. I don’t think I’d want a cat that wasn’t periodically possessed by Satan.
Is he rechargeable?
Well he does run on water if that counts.
And here I am about to lose a limb.
Your cat is fancy. If I ever have a cat I’m going to pick it on potential satanic possession and whether it runs on water.
Our cat Rollie loves drinking out of the sink — she gets up on the counter and screams and screams to get you turn it on for her. Is Wu Fei like that? Or are you a good enough cat dad that you just turn it on without having to be asked?
Wu Fei is exactly like that. For some reason he prefers the bathrrom sink over the kitchen sink and will scratch and claw at the bathroom door when he is thirsty.
Rollie was an exclusively bathroom-sink cat for a while until the kitchen remodel. She has now discovered there is a bigger and better sink there, and is becoming impossible to keep off the counters. I love the scratching and clawing on the bathroom door; they’re like, “I’M THIRSTY!” and no amount of, “I’m occupied, cat” will stop them.
We did get one of those touch sensitive fountains and he seems to like drinking out of that too. Sometimes though he will turn it on just because he can.
oops, I thought a threw a link in there. Oh well, here it is.
That’s WAY cool, Fris! Wu Fei has a much better life, I think, than our cats do.
I think Rollie likes having a meow-sensitive human, so I wonder how she’d react to a touch-sensitive fountain. I actually prefer her to drink out of the faucet, because when she drinks out of her water bowl, she dunks her giant paw in the bowl, soaks her fur and then links the water off her foot. She’s too stupid to shake it off afterwards though, and instead walks all over the computer desk, leaving a trail of watery pawprints.
Mr. Frisby, that is a handsome cat. If his fur were about an inch and a half longer, he’d look just like a cat I had in college named Arthur.
L-O-V-E the cat tree. I might have to show that to my sister. She likes to build things and her kids have a hundred skateboards they don’t use anymore.
And, I used to have a bathroom-sink cat, too. She’d go in there when I did, but never want to leave when I did, so I’d leave the water running for her and forget all about it for an hour. I know! Don’t lecture me! I don’t do it anymore! :D
We have left many a sink gently trickling (Rollie likes a very light drip, not a coursing stream) all day long. There’s no shame in that!
We have left many a sink gently trickling (Rollie likes a very light drip, not a coursing stream) all day long. There’s no shame in that!
The kids in Africa called. They’d like your cat’s water supply.
Well Mags, some of us accidentally leave a sink dripping all day once in a while, others of us buy a new iPod every time they release a new model. Every fool has his folly, and it seems both of us have follies that could help the kids in Africa with all kinds of things. :P
Oh, I’ll just leave a faucet on tonight so you all won’t have to feel so bad now.
Africa?? Is that why U.S. Americans can’t find states on a map?
Thanks Earl! I appreciate you looking out for us.
and it seems both of us have follies that could help the kids in Africa with all kinds of things. :P
Valid point.
Oh, I’ll just leave a faucet on tonight so you all won’t have to feel so bad now.
Knew I could count on you to pick up my slack :)
It was usually a slight trickle, so that’s probably okay. Plus, I earn water-wasting credits by never watering my lawn.
Plus, I earn water-wasting credits by never watering my lawn.
Yeah, we’ve got five rainwater cisterns, so I take a few water-wasting credits for that, too.
I can’t believe you missed my whole Miss Teen South Carolina jab……
I got it! Such as…
I can’t believe you missed my whole Miss Teen South Carolina jab……
You missed Iraq. Iraq was VITAL to the story.
I can’t believe you missed my whole Miss Teen South Carolina jab
I’m ashamed to admit I got it. I generally try to avoid this kind of thing, but when Kukla links to it, I give in.
I am ashamed I knew it as well….but it was just one of those things you couldn’t look away from…..
True, true. Stupid people are always funny.
I like sheep. Baa.
KILLER SHEEP.