You’ve read our can’t-miss predictions for the Western Conference, so now it’s time to soak up all the wisdom of our Eastern Conference preview. As before, these lyrics were assigned randomly (except where noted), and the teams are listed in projected order of worst to first:
15. Florida
show me the fever
into the fire
taking it higher and higher
nothing to fear
it’s only desire
taking you higher an higher
be a believer
a spirit igniter
taking it higher and higher
ending is near
the future is brighter
taking you higher and higher
-Higher and Higher, Craig Wedren
In sports movies, generally all the hapless, hard-luck team needs to get itself in order is a good training montage. “Higher and Higher” is the greatest training-montage song ever, but you know what? Even the luck of the draw-from-the-hat giving them this gift of a montage song isn’t going to be enough for the Panthers. This team is a mess. Dare we say even a wet, hot mess? SuperCoop isn’t walking through that door!
14. Boston
Chiquitita, you and I know
How the heartaches come and they go and the scars theyre leaving
Youll be dancing once again and the pain will end
You will have no time for grieving
Chiquitita, you and I cry
But the sun is still in the sky and shining above you
Let me hear you sing once more like you did before
Sing a new song, chiquitita
Try once more like you did before
Sing a new song, chiquitita
-Chiquitita, ABBA
While our iPods might be filled with Mark Kozelek, Low and Sufjan Stevens, we’ll admit we cannot fathom the musical universe without ABBA. They might not have the subtlety, the complexity or the sincerity we’re usually looking for, but they have a certain je ne sais quoi we can’t resist. They’re a little — no, a lot — too perky, bouncy and boisterous for their own good, but who doesn’t love kicking off a roadtrip with a lusty ABBA sign-along? Similarly, while we might find New York City, Paris and London to be the finest cities in the world, we can’t imagine a world without Boston. Boston sports fans might be the worst in all the land, being a lot too egotistical, self-serving and smug, but the sports scene needs them. And we can’t have them if they don’t have a team. That said, the B’s are barely clinging to “team” status. We can only assume that bringing Claude “Please Don’t Shoot Pucks at Me or Else I’ll be Forced to Stand Here and Pretend I Didn’t Notice” Julien isn’t going to do much to help the disaster that is that line-up become any more prepared to play against NHL opponents. We might go so far as to suggest that Boston be relegated to the A, but ever since Uni Watch pointed out that the spokes on the Pawtucket sweaters don’t line up from the top to the bottom, we try to think about the Boston AHL affiliate as infrequently as possible.
13. New York Islanders
That’s amore
When you dance down the street with a cloud at your feet
You’re in love
When you walk down in a dream but you know you’re not
Dreaming signore
Scuzza me, but you see, back in old Napoli
That’s amore
-That’s Amore, Dean Martin
We have to admit, when we thought of using “That’s Amore” for our song lyrics, we immediately knew it had to go with the Islanders as a shout-out to Margee. For starters, there’s her admirable dedication to anti-defamation of Italian-Americans — a cause well worth celebrating here — and then there’s her favorite goalie, a guy whose name we’ve learned from SportSquee is Italian for “apocalypse of handsome”. Of course, Pretty Ricky might be some girls’ cups of tea, but he doesn’t do much for us here. Nor does the rest of the Islanders’ lineup. Seriously, Butthead Guerin is going to be their captain. And sure, their dressing room is lighter one Yashin-shaped vortex of suck, and they’ve rid themselves (through no action on their own part) or the bad karma that is sure to be following Ryan Smyth wherever he goes, but there’s only so much good that can be done by addition by subtraction. They’re not going to be necessarily an easy team to play this year, but that doesn’t mean they’re going to be good.
12. Washington
Jellicle cats meet once a year
At the jellicle ball where we all rejoice
And the jellicle leader will soon appear
And make what is known as the jellicle choice
- Invitation To the Jellicle Ball, Andrew Lloyd Webber
At the outset of this preseason we joined a group of HLOGers for a little jellicle ball of our own (if you will) at Caps camp. And while we were there we did like Old Deuteronomy in “Cats” and picked one of the kitties on the ice to be the one who will go up to kitty heaven before this season is over. That kitty? Is Olaf Kolzig. There we were one morning in practice, more than a little bit hungover and totally distracted by Alex Ovechkin’s father sitting in front of us, and even in that state we couldn’t help but wonder aloud, “Is Kolzig always that slow?” The answer, Gentle Reader, is “yes”. Now here’s the thing: we think the Caps are definitely moving in the right direction. After several brutal years of directionless sucktitude they’re finally getting some of the pieces a team needs to be respectable, and we think Washington fans have every reason to be optimistic. But sadly, we also think they have a lot of reasons to be sad that the single most important person on the team is just a shadow of his former self. Ovechkin and Semin might be the superstars of tomorrow, but this team lives and dies today with Kolzig. And Kolzig is creaky enough that even the disinterested observer has no choice but to proclaim, “Really? Her?”
11. Montreal
Nothing happened here.
I am hiding in a tree.
I’m a fragment of the day.
If I weren’t, who’s to say
-Someone in a Tree, Stephen Sondheim
We both always wished climbing trees was fun. We had a delightfully climbable dogwood in the front yard of the stately childhood IPB Manor out on Long Island. But the fact of the matter is climbing trees is boring and leaves your palms dirty and blistered. Plus, if you’re a weenie, there’s a constant fear of falling and becoming badly hurt. The concept of having a Montreal Canadiens franchise that’s winning regularly and returning the glory days is a great one, but right now, rather than warranting dreams of perching in leafy canopies and using a bird’s-eye view to gaze over your surroundings, the Habs seem to be a lot of trouble for little reward. Sheldon Souray may have been maligned in yesterday’s Western Conference preview, but a quick perusal of their defense shows they didn’t do themselves any favors by losing him.
10. Toronto
Li li li
Li li li li li li
Li li li
Li li li li li li li li
Li li-li li li li
-The Boxer, Simon & Garfunkel
Dude, what is there even to say about the Maple Leafs? An endless loop of nonsense syllables is really apt for a franchise that puts so little stock in actually winning. They continue to suck, their fans continue to not seem to understand why they suck (”It’s all Mats Sundin’s fault!”), and the people in the Silver Seats don’t care what happens on the ice as long as they can shell out hundreds of dollars a night to not be in their seats during gameplay. We can’t say we paid a huge amount of attention to their offseason moves — it seems to us they shored up their goaltending (although some might say they are as bad as Philly at turning otherwise perfectly decent goalies into quivering piles of jelly), but they also got Mark Bell, for whatever that’s worth — but frankly, there’s nothing about this team right now that really warrants paying attention. They missed the playoffs last year by one point and the whim of Lou Lamoriello, but this year it’s not even going to be that close.
9. Tampa Bay
The ocean shook
The sky went black
And the captain quailed
And before us grew
The angry jaws
Of a giant whale
[instrumental noise]
oh ohhhhhhhhhh
[screaming]
ohhhhh
[screaming]
-The Mariner’s Revenge, The Decemberists
Awww… whales. We miss the Whalers. And we suspect the Lightning will miss them this Spring, too, when the former Whalers eke out the 8-seed and leave Tampa on the outside looking in. There will be instrumental noise! There will be screaming! There will be ohhhhhhing! But there won’t be an entire NHL lineup, because as far as we can tell the Lightning still pretty much have Vinny Lecavalier, Marty St. Louis, Brad Richards and… nothing else. Their goaltending was so wretched last year that the Devils were able to outscore them in the playoffs — and all while Marty Brodeur was putting up a .750 save percentage at the other end of the ice. That is not a formula for success. Furthermore, the bloom seems to be off the rose with coach John Tortorella; after long years of the players grinning and bearing it from their mercurial coach (and winning a Cup in the doing, to be fair), lately there’s been a lot more public grumbling about him. The lifespan on hard-ass coaches is way shorter on average than the zillion years Torts has been behind the Tampa bench, and while it might be the Devils fans in us saying his most effectual years might be behind him, we stand by that belief. Instrumental noise, screaming and ohhhhhh! indeed.
8. Carolina
Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring
Banana phone
Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring
Banana phone
I’ve got this feeling
so appealing
for us to get together and sing – SING!
-Banana Phone, Raffi
When we think Carolina we think Cam Ward. When we think Cam Ward we think bananas and telephones. No, wait, we’re sorry, we think puppy-mill puppies and crappy goaltenders. After Nickelback proved to not inspire Ward to greatness, we’re positing that Raffi’s banana-phone would make excellent mask decoration. If nothing else, it would give the Canes something to giggle over when they’re all standing around looking at the countless pucks that have gotten past their erstwhile flash-in-the-pan. There is no doubt that Eric Staal, Justin Williams, Erik Cole and Ray Whitney will rebound from lackluster offensive seasons, but there’s only so much IPB’s Official Favorite Ex-Devil Mike Commodore can do to cover the other side of the puck. While many problems still remain unaddressed from last season, based on previous savvy trade deadline deals, we’re not going to count out a last-minute ekeing into the 8th spot for Carolina. Then again, pushing the panic button on JMFJ last season suggests that maybe Rutherford doesn’t deserve any of our Pollyanna-ism.
7.Philadelphia
Under the sea
Under the sea
When the sardine
Begin the beguine
It’s music to me
What do they got? A lot of sand
We got a hot crustacean band
Each little clam here
know how to jam here
Under the sea
-Under the Sea, The Little Mermaid
Oh, we could go on and on here with shipwreck metaphors to describe the Flyers’ season last year, but they’ve heard it all already, and there’s no way that wasn’t just a fluke. They’ve jettisoned the ballast that was Peter Forsberg, rid themselves of the crazy-man anchor that was Bobby Clarke, and made a bunch of savvy moves to improve their lineup. When we found ourselves watching them twice this preseason we remarked with no small wonder that there are an abundance of players we don’t hate on their roster. (Sure, they also still have that “We love those Downie-type hits!” mentality going on there, so don’t think we’re going soft on them or anything…) Of course, we still don’t think they’re the be-all, end-all. Come on — does anyone think Briere at $8 gazillion a year for the next 400 years is going to work out for them? That player? With those fans? No, he’s not going to be a rancid bust, but he’s not that big a difference maker (pun totally intended. We crack ourselves up!). And more significantly, there is the perpetual Flyers bugaboo: goaltending. We can’t help but giggle a bit every time we hear people talk about how Marty Biron is just the Number One guy they’ve been searching for all these years; really?? Are we talking about the same Marty Biron? He seems like a great guy, and he’s certainly better than just being a backup, but think about it, Gentle Reader. It took Crunchy eons to get himself into a semblance of NHL-caliber mental health. If Biron was really such a capable starter, wouldn’t the Sabres have given up on Mr. Cuckoo Clock and his cranky-pants ways years ago? Any guy who can lose his job in the face Crunchy’s glacially-paced career sanity-development plan is not the Number One Philly has been searching for all these years.
6. Ottawa
In my old leather breeches and my shaggy, shaggy locks
I am walking in the glory of the light, said Fox.
-Walk In The Light, traditional Quaker hymn
This random song assignment must be the Hockey Gods’ way of reminding us that although we talk a big game, we do not actually want to see bodily harm done to Chris Neil and Ray Emery, two people who surely have a tiny speck of inner light somewhere inside them. Spezza, though, seems to be overwhelmed by his inner ego, spending all summer predicting himself as the number one threat to make His Sidness irrelevant in the New NHL. There is no way the Hockey Gods let that go unpunished. This team may have made the Finals last year, but the bad-scene vibes can be felt already. The impending UFA contracts are already off to a rocky start, the coaching/management changes are puzzling, and Emery’s mental and physical health are constant question marks (not to mention the Curse of Beating Brodeur that he’s going to be laboring under this season). This is a team that’s spent the last 10 years responding poorly to pressure — adding these kinds of distractions is not going to help.
5. New Jersey
We are the music makers
We are the dreamers of dreams
-We Are The Music Makers, Aphex Twin
Tune in tomorrow for a full preview of this fine, fine team.
4.Pittsburgh
(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become
-Wake Me Up Inside, Evanescence
Rad! Evanescence! What’s an NHL preview without this cool-assed band? Or, um, something. We’ve gone on at length here about how Sid totally saved us, like, from the nothing we’d become (deep!) so maybe this is appropriate that way? Or maybe it’s because he saved the Penguins in general from their own nothingness. Or maybe this is a band he might have heard of. Regardless, the Pens didn’t go after the big, stupid free agents this summer, instead picking up some spare parts (and a chinchilla) that will actually address some of the problems they had last year. That is a shocking approach, considering how everyone is heaping praise on teams who went out and shored up already potent offenses and whatnot while ignoring problems on their own side of the puck. But one summer’s worth of free agency odds-and-ends is not, contrary to what some pundits are predicting, enough to make this team into the undisputed heavyweight of the East. Sure, the kids all have one more year of experience under their belts. Sure, they’ve got some more depth on the wings. Sure, Sid seems to have no ceiling on what he’s capable of doing. But they still have a rag-tag blueline, they’re expecting Jordan Staal to replicate a “where the hell did that come from?” statistical year, and they’ve still got Fleury in goal. Those are big enough question marks to make us doubt they’ll win their division.
3.Atlanta
One two three
Four five six
Seven eight nine
Ten eleven twelve
And they chatted away
At the ladybugs’ picnic
They talked about the high price of furniture and rugs
And fire insurance for ladybugs
The ladybugs 12
At the ladybugs’ picnic
12!
-Ladybugs’ Picnic, Don Hadley
Would anyone like to discuss the high price of furniture and rugs rather than talk about Atlanta? Because we sure would! Okay, okay, we’ll talk Atlanta. Let’s see, their playoff run made the Rangers look good, and that’s bad. Also bad? Their division. So look to them to get a top seed going into the playoffs despite having Bobby Holik on payroll. So… um… really, have you seen how much furniture and rugs are going for these days?! (One final note; this gives us the first of what will surely be a handful of opportunities to invoke our favorite Official IPB “L.A. Confidential” reference — “Oh, and Exelby? Lose the glasses.”)
2. Buffalo
Non, Rien De Rien, Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien
Ni Le Bien Qu`on M`a Fait, Ni Le Mal
Tout Ca M`est Bien Egal
Non, Rien De Rien, Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien
Car Ma Vie, Car Me Joies
Aujourd`hui Ca Commence Avec Toi
-Je Ne Regrette Rien, Edith Piaf
Here at IPB we’ve spent months and months making our stance on the Sabres crystal clear — management and fans will not regret seeing the Slag-Faced Whores Drury and Briere moving on to richer pastures. Unlike many teams in this post and the last, (Atlanta, St. Louis, etc.) we actually have a pretty good bead on the tenor of the team. Yes, losing Breire’s huge point total hurts, but there’s a reason Kevin Lowe went after Vanek the way he did. Oh wait, there are two reasons Lowe went after Vanek, but the fact that Lowe’s a nutjob doesn’t help our case here — the fact that Vanek has the potential to make Briere look like a pile of puke is what helps our case here. Those worried that Vanek can’t handle being paid as much as he is need look no further than Pomminville and Afinegenov to remember that Vanek isn’t taking on the Northeast Division by himself. Moreover, the Sabres have been building up a stockpile of talented players, building a line-up with at least 3 solid lines of young but proven players who can play up-tempo, exciting hockey. Will the fans get a chance to chant “we want 10″ as often this season? Probably not, but they’re won’t be whining “we just want one measly goal” either. As for losing Drury, we say pish-tosh. Drury is undoubtedly a great leader, but the point of having a Drury around your team for a few years is to teach your young players how to lead themselves, not to rely on him in a Mark Messier-esque “take us to the promised land, O Great Leader, as we have no idea how to do it ourselves”. Drury has taught the Roysies and the Crunchies and the Soupies how to play like winners. If management didn’t give those guys a chance to spread their wings and prove themselves, what was the point? What, we ask, was the point? Intangibles are all well and good, but with a new crop of Rochesterettes chomping at the bit, keeping the future of the organization down on the farm so that an aged 3rd line center can score an occasional last-second goal doesn’t seem like good business to us. We realize most professionals and pretty much every other blogger is saying the Sabres have taken at least a few steps back, but we’re holding firm on our prediction that the Sabres will be just fine this season.
1.New York Rangers
Why do we always come here?
Sometimes, I’ll never know.
It’s like a kind of torture
To have to watch this show!
-The Muppet Show, Waldorf & Stadler
This lyric really says it all, doesn’t it? And we’d know best, considering we have to watch these guys 8 billion times because of the stupid unbalanced schedule. So here’s our prediction for the Rangers, for reals: Gomez is going to score no fewer than 90 points despite Jagr being a petulant baby all year long, Shanahan is going to get 50 goals just because that’s just the sort of story we don’t want to hear a single word about for an entire season, and Lundqvist is going to win the fucking Vezina. Because our lives SUCK. But that’s okay, because this is a team of slag-faced whores, and while it might bear fruit for them this year (and don’t for even a second think we’re assuming a 1-seed in the playoffs means they’re winning the Cup; we don’t see them making it past the second round), they will eventually suffer mightily for their transgressions. Oh, they’ll regret signing Gomez and Drury. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday. Soon. And for the rest of their lives.
Of course, the East is a strange beast indeed, and it’s hard to say that a Rangers team that finishes with the most points is necessarily the best team in the conference. We actually still give that nod to the Sabres. Because there are still some issues facing the Rangers that will make them way worse than “finishing first” sounds on paper. For starters, there’s the whole thing with Gomez being a puck-possession center who they’re trying to put on a line with a puck-possession winger like Jagr. Then there’s the whole rag-tag blueline, an affliction that almost every team in this conference suffers from. Then there’s the whole “stapled to the salary cap ceiling” thing that left Buffalo and New Jersey incapable of tweaking their lineups last year. Then there’s the whole “Cup or bust” mentality the fans, media and organization themselves have adopted — no way that kind of pressure won’t backfire! Then there’s the whole ticking time bomb that is Sean Avery. He may have been just the sandpaper the team needed midway through last season, but if any dressing room is likely to get poisoned by a guy like Avery, it’s a dressing room filled with the too-many-chiefs lineup the Rangers have assembled this year. So again, we’ll give them the division and the top spot for the regular season, but we want them to know we’re really not impressed. Stupid fucking Rangers.
We are the music makers
We are the dreamers of dreams
-We Are The Music Makers, Aphex Twin
I have no idea who this Aphex Twin is but I’m off to Google this song. Crunchy, Soupy, take notes: That is a movie quote!
I’m glad you like that one, Heather! It was the quote that inspired doing our season preview this way. Pookie came up with it in a stroke of genius, and we ran with the rest.
I have no idea who this Aphex Twin is but I’m off to Google this song. Crunchy, Soupy, take notes: That is a movie quote!
Funnily enough, I had no idea this was sampled from a movie until tonight when I googled the song! (I highly, highly recommend the song. I’m not always in the right frame of mind for Aphex Twin [electronica that shifts between gorgeously beautiful ambient music and jarringly unlistenable noise] but I’m always in the mood for “We Are the Music Makers”.)
Funnily enough, I had no idea this was sampled from a movie until tonight when I googled the song!
What?! No idea?! You’re lucky you speak Ewok, Pookie!
Oh, how do I love thee, IPB? Let me count the ways:
1. You chose Ottawa to finish 6th. Delightful.
2. You are doing a separate Devils preview which I cannot wait to read.
3. The Ladybug Picnic (one of the finest and catchiest songs ever written), was used in your Sing a Song Of Season Predictions.
4. You managed to pick the Rangers to finish first in the conference, all the while totally convincing me that they will be a cesspool of misery and will ultimately fail. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. I don’t care how many games they win. They can even beat the Sabres. I just want them to suffer. This prediction has not only braced me for the coming season, but it has impressed upon me the need for patience. The Rangers suck so hard.
5.6.7.8.9.and 10. We realize most professionals and pretty much every other blogger is saying the Sabres have taken at least a few steps back, but we’re holding firm on our prediction that the Sabres will be just fine this season.
Who would have thought that some of the best, most sane, and joyful Sabres analysis would come from a couple of crazy Devils fans? Loving IPB has taught me how to be a better hockey fan.
Bravi!
Who would have thought that some of the best, most sane, and joyful Sabres analysis would come from a couple of crazy Devils fans?
Well, they don’t live in Buffalo so I’d say the chances were pretty good that they might actually see the team for what it is. Barry Melrose pissed me off however with his whole “the dream is over!” spiel. Bah!
Katebits, if only you had 12 points for why you love IPB, and if only those 12 points were potato sacks, we could have potato sacks races… at the IPB/TWC picnic!
(And thanks for liking the preview!)
Aw, Katebits, thanks for stepping in and making me feel better after our shocking revelation that neither Pookie nor I have seen “Willy Wonka”! And thanks for enjoying our season preview. I’ve got to say, though, it’s no statement about us as fans — it’s just how things are going to be. Them’s the facts. Take it to the bank. Everything we’ve written here is true.
We watched the Ladybug Picnic clip a few times last night when looking up the lyrics. It’s just as wonderful as we remembered! (Oh, and speaking of songs that count to twelve, by the way, Pookie absolutely cracked me up over the weekend when we were playing cribbage at South Mountain Arena. On one hand she pegged 12, and did the disco counting-up-to-twelve song from Sesame Street. Then she waited a beat before adding, on the same note she’d ended “12″ on, “Acorns”. Hee! Waldorf counting ROCKS!)
Well, they don’t live in Buffalo so I’d say the chances were pretty good that they might actually see the team for what it is.
I dunno, Heather. An awful lot of professional media-like people not living in Buffalo consider the Sabres severely hobbled without the slag-faced ones. I think IPB gets a gold star for their Sabre appreciation.
Barry Melrose pissed me off however with his whole “the dream is over!” spiel. Bah!
No worries, Heather — Barry Melrose is ALWAYS wrong.
Kate, you’re right. I have heard a few people say they’ll be fine but you’re right, they’re the minority. Fine with me. I know the kids are alright!
Also, there’s a new video of an interview with Timmy up on the website and while I was joking about the nose job at first, his nostrils really, really used to bother me and now they’re not. I don’t know if I’m just that happy to see him again or what but I’m quickly moving into “He is pretty cute!” territory.
I think IPB gets a gold star for their Sabre appreciation.
Thank you. We try hard. We also tend to be so distrustful of the MSM at this point (after years and years of seeing nothing but lies published about our team, it was only a matter of time before we wrote off the MSM as a whole) that we wouldn’t get sucked into the SFW vortex of hate even if we did live in Buffalo. Notice, for example, how sane we remained about the Devils when they were facing the exact same issues this summer!
I LOVE the Ladybug picnic song. I used to do a feature on Oh For Fun called PBS Monday, where I posted old 70’s clips of Sesame and Electric company, and one of the first things I went for was The Lady Bug Picnic. So great.
Well DONE utilizing the disco “12″ song in a game situation WHILE making fun of Waldorf acorns, Pookie! clap clap clap clap
No worries, Heather — Barry Melrose is ALWAYS wrong.
Two years ago when we beat Ottawa in five games, Melrose picked the Senators EVERY SINGLE GAME. They allegedly had the Sabres “right where they want them.” What the hell, Barry? I wasn’t expecting a five game series either but there comes a point where you just sack up and admit you were wrong rather than make yourself look like even more of an idiot than you already are.
Dare we say even a wet, hot mess? SuperCoop isn’t walking through that door!
:^:::::::
Too bad the awesome “Higher and Higher” montage was wasted on the Panthers, because honestly, if there’s one team that montage can’t help, it’s that one.
And “The Mariner’s Revenge”? I love that song!
Fantastic work, Ookies!
Did you include “Hard Working Dog”? That was always a favorite, and one that I tend to sing to myself at work. I only remember the first line, but that’s good enough for me.
You know what Sesame Street song I have a tendency to break into spontaneously? The one they set to footage of a giant trash compactor thing at a dump (or something. I can’t really recall all the specifics…) that went “You gotta COMMMMMM-PACT it! COMMMMMMM-press it! REEEEEE-cycle! Makelessofit!”
Gambler, the Panthers should know it’s not about the puck. Well, it is. But it’s not.
Oooh, I love “compact it, compress it”! The other fantastic one was “Beets, beets, sugar beets, sugar beets, BEE-EEETS!”
I have to go with the old stand-by “One of These Things Is Not Like the Other.” It’s terribly versatile and I use it all the time at school.
Two years ago when we beat Ottawa in five games, Melrose picked the Senators EVERY SINGLE GAME. They allegedly had the Sabres “right where they want them.” What the hell, Barry? I wasn’t expecting a five game series either but there comes a point where you just sack up and admit you were wrong rather than make yourself look like even more of an idiot than you already are.
In 2000 he was so insistent that the Flyers were going to win the ECF that when the Devils won he ended up having to film a “Whoops! My bad!” clip of him working the 16W exit tollbooth on the Turnpike.
Oh, and Gambler, we included “Higher and Higher” just for you! :D It’s so good to know a SuperCoop reference isn’t lost here!
Also, there’s a new video of an interview with Timmy up on the website and while I was joking about the nose job at first, his nostrils really, really used to bother me and now they’re not.
Heather, I saw the clip, and I think his nostrils are the same as they always were. I think that his broad grin in the roster photo was throwing us off by somehow stretching his notrils into an acceptable shape. (Goes to show, a smile goes a long way.) I don’t think I had ever heard him speak before, and I was pleasantly surprised by his sultry voice.
You know who else I love in interview? Pommers. He is so earnest and sweet and his voice is so sing songy and breathy. I love Pommers. Good boy, Pommerdoodle!
I have to go with the old stand-by “One of These Things Is Not Like the Other.” It’s terribly versatile and I use it all the time at school.
It’s also really useful in hockey situations. Like, if a promotional announcement for a Rangers game has some Tractor-Pull voiceover shouting, “Jagr! Shanahan! Lundqvist! Drury!” That song naturally follows.
Oooh, guess what I have stuck in my head now! “Follow the arrows, they tell you where to go!” That’s a marked improvement over “Territory folk should stick together”!
Oh, I could go on ALL DAY about Sesame songs. My all time favorite is is this one about the baby not having milk. It;s not really a song actually. It’s just a wail for Miiiilk. Milllllk.
I don’t think I remember the compacting song! Beets, I remember!
I have to go with the old stand-by “One of These Things Is Not Like the Other.”
I use that one all the time!
It’s so good to know a SuperCoop reference isn’t lost here!
Oh, just keep them coming, and I’ll keep laughing at them!
(And the Waldorf jokes, too. Well played with the acorn counting, Pookie.)
I don’t think I had ever heard him speak before, and I was pleasantly surprised by his sultry voice.
He has a nice voice. It’s a little unusual without being weird. Maybe it was the big grin. I had never seen him really smile like that. Evidently it’s imprinted on my brain now because I’ve convinced myself that he is pretty cute.
And you’re so right about Poms. He always sounds so sweet and perpetually 12 years old.
It’s also really useful in hockey situations. Like, if a promotional announcement for a Rangers game has some Tractor-Pull voiceover shouting, “Jagr! Shanahan! Lundqvist! Drury!” That song naturally follows.
I forget whose column it was now but when I read the Vezina predictions were Lundqvist, Brodeur, Kiprussoff, Luongono, and Emery my brain automatically kicked into “One of these things is not like the other thing…”
Oh my GOD! Katebits! Talk about a blast from the past!!! That milk thing ROCKS MY WORLD.
Very first reactions while reading this preview:
OMG SUFJAN STEVENS
OMG DECEMBERISTS
OMG YOU GUYS ARE REALLY GONNA MAKE ME CORRECT THE TITLE OF ANOTHER EMBARRASSING NU-ROCK SONG ARENT YOU (The Evanescence song is called Bring Me To Life…)
I was unawares of the Aphex Twin song but now I must have it.
If you would like another great song that samples the same Willy Wonka quote, check out Last Perfect Thing’s “Warning”. Not only is it a great song, but they’re Jersey boys too!
You know, when I was a kid, I thought ABBA was stupid. But I love them now. Every time I hear something about Fernando Pisani, of course I start singing ABBA’s Fernando.
I think I need some for my mp3 player.
Sorry about that link. It didn’t quite take work.
Remember the one about the girl taking her llama to the dentist?
Okay, I’ll stop now. I could do this all day.
Kate, I had the Sesame Street DVD set on my Amazon wish list last year and Mark refused to buy it for me because he thought it was an absurd thing to be asking for. Fortunately, my big brother that it was an AWESOME thing to ask for!
HOW DID I NOT NOTICE HALF NAKED GOOSE?!!!
I had the Sesame Street DVD set on my Amazon wish list last year
That is awesome! My favorites were “C is for Cookie” and “Rubber Duckie”.
You know who else I love in interview? Pommers.
If you guys haven’t done so, I highly suggest checking out Roysie’s most recent interview, just for the half-naked Goose romping around in the background. It’s pretty nice.
OMG YOU GUYS ARE REALLY GONNA MAKE ME CORRECT THE TITLE OF ANOTHER EMBARRASSING NU-ROCK SONG ARENT YOU (The Evanescence song is called Bring Me To Life…)
Josh, seriously, the interwebs told us that’s what the song is called! How could they be wrong? (This is a fun game — us putting the wrong song titles up for things that are really embarrassing, and you being totally incapable of saving face by letting it lie. :D)
Katebits, I ADORE the girl taking the llama to the dentist. And I want you to know we’ve now officially lost Pookie to the vintage Sesame Street clips on YouTube.
If you guys haven’t done so, I highly suggest checking out Roysie’s most recent interview, just for the half-naked Goose romping around in the background. It’s pretty nice.
Hey, somebody get that guy in the plaid shirt outta the way!
Cats! Banana Phone! Edith Piaf! And all the other songs, too! Once again -ookies, I take my hat off to you. :)
SERIOUSLY! Hit the ROAD plaid shirt guy! Gambler, I can’t believe I watched whole video earlier today focusing solely on Roy when Goose was taking off his shirt in the background.
(This is a fun game — us putting the wrong song titles up for things that are really embarrassing, and you being totally incapable of saving face by letting it lie. :D)
I have musical OCD =/
Gambler, I can’t believe I watched whole video earlier today focusing solely on Roy when Goose was taking off his shirt in the background.
Aw, Katebits, you’re such a serious hockey fan now! Not even half-naked men in the background can distract you from the hockey business happening in the foreground.
And seriously, I don’t know who that plaid shirt guy thinks he is. He ruined everything.
I am sorry that we lost Pookie to the vintage PBS section of YouTube, but I certainly understand the impulse. About a year ago, all I did for weeks was watch YouTube clips of this that activated some part of my brain that has been dormant since toddlerhood. YouTube is bizarre and wonderful.
Katebits, I ADORE the girl taking the llama to the dentist.
There are so many things to love about the llama girl. Why is she taking her llama to the dentist in Manhattan? Why didn’t her parents comb her hair knowing that she was going to be on Sesame Street with her llama?
Katebits, I don’t know how I ever forgot the girl and the llama. :D
I feel like I’m nuts, but does anyone else remember that little paper dude in a bottle or jar? I think it was stop motion.
Aw, Katebits, you’re such a serious hockey fan now! Not even half-naked men in the background can distract you from the hockey business happening in the foreground.
I hope NEVER to be such a hockey fan that I fail to notice Goose half-naked. This was a major lapse of reason!
You mean THIS guy, zot?
And I want you to know we’ve now officially lost Pookie to the vintage Sesame Street clips on YouTube.
I’ve gotten such a bad case of “the Mondays” that I could listen to the Yips interacting with a rotary telephone all night. Yip-yip-yip yip-yip-yip, uh-HUH! uh-HUH! I did wrest myself away from the Yips and the Beetles to find the Compact It, Compress It song (Josh will be able to supply the correct title, I’m sure!):
LINK TO RECYCLE SONG
Anyway, I too loved that milk piece (although it had just enough conflict in it [I've never liked drinking milk so the whole premise was scary to me] that it always put me on edge) and adored the llama at the dentist one.
I’m having a hell of a time finding We Are The Music Makers…which album is it on, if any?
I have musical OCD =/
There are far worse afflictions I can think of! I mean, it’s not like you’re, say, a Rangers fan or something heinous like that. :P
I am SO impressed, Katebits, that you were able to ignore a shirtless Goose while watching interviews with your boys. I am so shameless when I watch dressing room interviews — I almost never watch the subject of the interview, in the hopes of seeing nekkid people in the background. This all goes back, I think, to, like, the first week I was a fan. I was randomly watching a Penguins pre-game show and they showed in the background of a Jagr soundbite two guys in the complete nude. It wasn’t frontal, though, but ever since I’ve been like, “They show naked guys sometimes! I swear they do!” (Not that I even knew which guys they were showing nekkid. They were probably totally heinous, but being a novice fan at the time, it was pretty exciting.) Apparently we had a bit of a full-frontal background-of-a-postgame-interview incident with the Devils a few years back, but I was at the game so I didn’t get to see it.
I feel like I’m nuts, but does anyone else remember that little paper dude in a bottle or jar? I think it was stop motion.
YES! Only I had completely forgotten about him until 10 minutes ago when I stumbled across him in the Vintage PBS section of You Tube! I gave an audible gasp when I saw it. If I was smart, I’d so go to bed now rather than trying to find clips of the chef who counts 12 creme pies and then falls down the stairs.
I did wrest myself away from the Yips and the Beetles to find the Compact It, Compress It song (Josh will be able to supply the correct title, I’m sure!):
Alas, Sesame Street was only a minor part of my childhood, so I cannot get all musically OCD in this particular instance…
I’m having a hell of a time finding We Are The Music Makers…which album is it on, if any?
It’s on “Selected Ambient Works 85-92″. I wish I was technologically savvy enough to put the audio file on here for all to enjoy.
Yes, thank you, Katebits! I’m not crazy!
Yeah, iTunes was having a difficult time finding “We Are the Music Makers.”
I fixed the link in comment 46 if anyone wants to see the Compact It video. It’ll blow your mind. It’s like Aphex Twin… but not.
I don’t remember Keep On Truckin’! How could I have forgotten such a gem? Ooo-oo-oo keep on truckin! That is SO AWESOME!
I was randomly watching a Penguins pre-game show and they showed in the background of a Jagr soundbite two guys in the complete nude.
I don’t think it ever occurred to me that such a marvelous thing was possible! For some reason, until now, the “naked athletes” aspect of the dressing room just hasn’t sunk in. I assure you, I will never pay attention to a lockerroom interview again!
I assure you, I will never pay attention to a lockerroom interview again!
And hockey unis make us all so Victorian that even a glimpse of, like, bare collarbone is enough to send us into a tizzy of vapors.
It seems like most of our interviews have the guy standing in front of his locker stall with the stall in the background so there’s usually not much going on behind him. Too bad!
I saw a clip of NFL dressing room coverage (ha ha, pun) awhile back (I think it was the Cowboys) and there was full frontal in it – guy walked by in the background. The clip I was sent was even more funny b/c the dressing room stuff was part of a feature on the local news.
(Did that make any sense?)
And hockey unis make us all so Victorian that even a glimpse of, like, bare collarbone is enough to send us into a tizzy of vapors.
Totally true. I thought Goose was pretty hot just in his undershirt. I didn’t even need him to take it off!
Yeah, iTunes was having a difficult time finding “We Are the Music Makers.”
I’m not sure that Aphex Twin album is on iTunes, now that I think about it. I think I had to actually purchase the CD, horror of horrors. Sorry to pique everyone’s interest with a song that can’t be found!
Hey wait, I found “We Are the Music Makers”! Let’s see if I can do this:
Aphex Twin – We Are The Music Makers
Yeah, iTunes doesn’t have that album. Bucci would NEVER use a song that I couldn’t find! Never!
Sorry to pique everyone’s interest with a song that can’t be found!
Oh it WILL be found, I assure you…
(ha ha, pun)
Phil Ken Sebben reference or am I looking too deeply into things?
Oh, wait, that’s just like 20 seconds of it. Well, it goes on like that for about 7 minutes, only it has Gene Wilder (who knew?!) saying, “We are the music makers, we are the dreamers of dreams” every so often. It’s, um, suddenly not sounding as cook… Sorry.
Bucci would NEVER use a song that I couldn’t find! Never!
It’s true. He takes much better care of you, Heather, than we do!
This search for We Are The Music Makers has resulted so far in my downloading another Aphex Twin song called Didgeridoo. Because Didgeridoos are awesome.
Didgeridoos are awesome, and I can only imagine didgeridoos + Aphex Twin = WAAAAAY more awesome.
This search for We Are The Music Makers has resulted so far in my downloading another Aphex Twin song called Didgeridoo. Because Didgeridoos are awesome.
Who doesn’t love didgeridoos? (If you’re downloading Aphex Twin, “Girl/Boy” [which IS available on iTunes as part of The Richard D. James Album] is not to be missed.)
By the way, this foray into classic PBS on YouTube just got me watching “Don’t Eat The Pictures” — I think that was my favorite thing on EARTH for a few years of my childhood.
I am downloading We Are The Music Makers as we speak. I’ll figure out a way for others to hear it once it downloads for me if so desired.
Josh, you’re a superhero! (Although Pookie’s now convinced you’re going to listen to it and be all, “This has nothing to do with the Devils…” To which I say, “But they’re the dreamers of dreams!” And seriously, what did “Jellicle Cats” have to do with the Capitals? Or should I say, the jellicle Caps. HAHAHAHAHA! I crack myself up.)
Bananaphone! Je ne regret rien! The mupper show (and for the Rangers too! They sorta ARE a muppet show). I love this :D
Oooh, thanks Josh! I hope you like it! (Oh, sorry you didn’t get on the radio last night!)
(Although Pookie’s now convinced you’re going to listen to it and be all, “This has nothing to do with the Devils…”
Ah but it matters not if it has anything to do with the Devils. The important thing is you resisted the temptation to use Devil’s Haircut by Beck!
Oooh, thanks Josh! I hope you like it! (Oh, sorry you didn’t get on the radio last night!)
Thank you Pookie…I think the problem was that there was too much awesome for one radio station to handle (Yeah…that’s what it must have been…). He did offer to have me on a future show, which was nice.
I think the problem was that there was too much awesome for one radio station to handle
I figured that had to have been the case! As for “The Devil’s Haircut” I did suggest “Running with the Devil” but Schnookie nixed it.
I hope NEVER to be such a hockey fan that I fail to notice Goose half-naked. This was a major lapse of reason!
It’s a rookie mistake, but I’m sure you won’t forget again!
I watched a post-game interview with one of the Stars players once and I don’t even remember which one it was. It was being held outside the door of the visitor’s dressing room, where apparently the team was supposed to undress, then move to another room where the showers were or something. Because during the interview, in the background, five or six players came out of that door, shirtless, and walked behind the guy being interviewed.
Zubov is pretty cut for an old guy!
Alright, it’s after midnight and I have a meeting where I’m supposed to be evaluating a supervisee (that’s right, they let me supervise people, who funny is that?) in nine hours. I’ll leave you now with one of my favorite Sesame Street performers (although the clip is from the Muppet Show), Mummenschanz:
WHO DOESN’T LOVE MUMMENSCHANZ?
Good night everyone, and good luck with the download, Josh!
As for “The Devil’s Haircut” I did suggest “Running with the Devil” but Schnookie nixed it.
Beck for sure trumps Van Halen.
The download is about half done…Good luck with your meeting deal Pookie!
Good night Schnookie.
Some random (I think he was a Ducks fan, can’t remember) fan at the London game let me listen to “Marty & Lou” by Peter Mulvey on his iPod. It’s heartbreakingly sweet, even if it has fairly little to do with our Marty and our Lou.
So there’s another Devils’ song for ya.
Pookie, goodnight Pookie. Not Schnookie. Damnit!
I think the problem was that there was too much awesome for one radio station to handle (Yeah…that’s what it must have been…).
It definitely sounded to me like there was just an overabundance of awesomeness when they first tried to get you on the air. The show nearly exploded from the sheer force of it!
And Patty, I love when the parades of shirtless guys go tromping around in the background of interviews! It is moments like those for which tivo was invented. It’s always disappointing, though, when you’re watching and suddenly perk up at the sight of hockey-player flesh… and it turns out just to be Cam Janssen.
And speaking of old guys who are totally cut, my all-time favorite players-giving-interviews-in-their-undies moment was during the 2003 SCF, when Scott Stevens appeared on Mike & The Mad Dog, which is also televised. We listened to the interview on the radio, and at one point Chris Rizzo asked, “Do you work out?” It was a very random question, but we figured Scottie was, like, calling in or something, and Rizzo was curious about his training regimen during the playoffs or something. Later that night we had nothing to do, so we decided to flip through the channels and found a rebroadcast of that day’s Mike & The Mad Dog, which we were surprised to find out was recorded at CAA. We decide to stick around to see the players, and it turns out Scottie was sitting practically in Rizzo’s lap during his interview, in just his underarmour stuff, this giant slab of pure muscle. And Rizzo actually just blurted, in all seriousness, probably completely humbled by the sheer gloriousness of the physical specimen that was Scott Stevens, “Do you work out?”
And Rizzo actually just blurted, in all seriousness, probably completely humbled by the sheer gloriousness of the physical specimen that was Scott Stevens, “Do you work out?”
Haha! It’s like when you pat a guy on the arm and are totally suprised that his arm is all muscle-y. Startles ya.
Hey, Mags! Back home? How’d you enjoy Sunday’s game?
Looks like the Brits (and company) enjoyed the two games.
And Rizzo actually just blurted, in all seriousness, probably completely humbled by the sheer gloriousness of the physical specimen that was Scott Stevens, “Do you work out?”
Haha! It’s like when you pat a guy on the arm and are totally suprised that his arm is all muscle-y. Startles ya.
It does! And hehehehe, way to go Scottie.
That’s hilarious Schnookie! I just got my first ever random comment on my blog from someone I don’t know from IPB. I feel so special :p
Hey Patty :) Yup, back home. I got in at 3 am yesterday morning and did my day on autopilot (gotta love autopilot) and then collapsed in bed at 8 pm. But we had a REALLY good time. I’ve got to do this again some time, but then with two teams I can realistically give a crap about ;P
I just got my first ever random comment on my blog from someone I don’t know from IPB. I feel so special :p
Congrats, alix!! Even now that we’ve got all these comments here, we still freak out when a new person pops up. It really is an “I feel special!” thing to find out someone is reading what you wrote!
I’m now in the midst of uploading We Are The Music Makers to rapidhsre (which is not a great vehicle to upload/download music, but it’s really the simplest way for someone who owns no personal web space).
I’m also realizing as I listen that I need to track down the song I mentioned earlier, Warning by Last Perfect Thing. ‘Cause so far I can’t hear We Are The Music Makers without hearing that song first. It’s like a crazy scavenger hunt tonight.
Also Didgeridoo might be the most awesome song I’ve heard in a long while.
I just got my first ever random comment on my blog from someone I don’t know from IPB. I feel so special :p
Yay! Congrats!
Thanks ladies! Apparantly he loves Matty O even though he’s an Oilers fan. I’m giving him a pass because of his excellent taste in choosing a hockey player to love. But it was hard not to make a snarky comment about the Oilers.
Yay Mags, I’m glad you had fun.
http://rapidshare.com/files/59667678/08_-_we_are_the_music_makers.mp3.html
for those looking for We Are The Music Makers.
Thanks Josh :). (and wow the download on that was mad fast! There’s something to be said for being awake when everyone else is sleeping)
Mags, I’m so glad to hear you had a great time!
Josh, thanks a gazillion for finding We Are The Music Makers. I’m not surprised, by the way, to hear Didgeridoo is awesome; Aphex Twin is pretty reliable for that (except when he’s doing that “It’s so genius you can’t really even listen to it!” electronica thing).
Josh, thanks a gazillion for finding We Are The Music Makers. I’m not surprised, by the way, to hear Didgeridoo is awesome; Aphex Twin is pretty reliable for that (except when he’s doing that “It’s so genius you can’t really even listen to it!” electronica thing).
No problem…Didgeridoo is seriously the perfect melding of rave-y synth-y techno with a didgeridoo. He doesn’t lie in his song titles at least!
He doesn’t lie in his song titles at least!
In that respect he is better than the internet.
I’m off. Have to get to the rink for practice. Sleep well IPBNation.
I’ve got to do this again some time, but then with two teams I can realistically give a crap about ;P
Baby steps, Mags!
But sadly, we also think they have a lot of reasons to be sad that the single most important person on the team is just a shadow of his former self.
OUCH. We are soooo in a fight.
I have to say, I was getting worried watching that practice, too – but frankly you saw him with a little rust and he shakes more and more of it off every time I see him – Sunday he was almost back to the Olie I know, love, and will defend to the death.
Add the fact that our backup is starting to play like a real NHL goalie for once and…ahem…make way for the Caps’ playoff push!
Rant done. Thank you.
Great preview, Ookies!
Thank you to the rest of you for sharing the Sesame Street links. I think watching those is what I’ll be doing on lunch.
The interview with half-naked Goose has already been watched, however.
OUCH. We are soooo in a fight.
I’m sorry, CC, but we’ve got to tell like it is! These are our “take it to the bank” predictions; we can’t be playing favorites for something this important! I mean, what if the Caps don’t make the playoffs and we said they’d finish 7th or 8th? No one would ever trust our vast amount of knowledge about all things hockey! What? No one does that now? Oh. Um. Well. So… how about those New York Metropolitans?
awww CC for what it’s worth I think the Caps might seriously make a playoff push? Then again I also think spots 6 – 11 are a total crapshoot. and Florida might not actually finish last :x but what do I know.
Excellent preview in any case :D (btw, it’s never, ever Sundin’s fault. It’s always Raycroft’s, McCabe’s, that crazy White’s, JFJ’s… but it’s never, ever Sundin’s fault.)
I am so unbelievabley tired that the only thing I can concentrate on right now is the IPB comments thread. Do you think my boss would mind if I took a nap at my desk?
And Kolzig is creaky enough that even the disinterested observer has no choice but to proclaim, “Really? Her?”
Please tell me that’s an Arrested Development reference.
So I think I’m the only one posting here but whatever.
When I read the first line of Pittsburgh’s song, (Wake me up), I immediately began singing the “Jitterbug” song (think Zoolander if you’re not sure what I’m talking about) but then looked down and saw the rest of the lyrics and noticed it was an Evanescence song….oops. I think “Jitterbug” would have been appropriate too!
Please tell me that’s an Arrested Development reference.
Hell yeah :D
Do you think my boss would mind if I took a nap at my desk?
If he’s anything like my professor, he’ll take pity and send you home AND write you a note for the dean.
Please tell me that’s an Arrested Development reference.
Of course it is! If there’s an Arrested Development joke to be made around here, we’ll make it. Which is why we consistently get found by people searching “chlamydia joke”.
Which is why we consistently get found by people searching “chlamydia joke”.
haha, what about “come over and hug your uncle teabag”
haha, what about “come over and hug your uncle teabag”
COME ON!!!
COME ON!!!
How great is it that GOB’s illusion music is standard arena fare?
My favorite AD line of all time is “I seem to have blown my wad on what was supposed to have been a dry run, and now I have a bit of a mess on my hands.”
It’s been a little while since I watched it again, but I’m trying to think how Tobias managed to say “I blue myself”, when he was explaining his Blue Man Group aspirations.
I was about to say “I blue myself”! That was another favorite. We also do a lot of making that awful winking face Lucille made, the one that Michael responded to with, “Don’t ever make that face again”. That, and singing “Hot potato! Hot potato!” like Charlize Theron’s character.
Okay, Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over – an analyst and a therapist. The world’s first analrapist.
Man! Great preview -ookies! I have to admit that the thought of the Rangers coming in first in the east almost made me shit out my spleen, Forsberg style. But, other than that….well done!
And how did I miss the Aphex Twin discussion?!?! Damnit! Richard D. James and I were inseparable in high school. I think the all time greatest Aphex Twin song has to be “Windowlicker”. So incredibly awesome, and with a hilarious video.
I love it when the whole family does their own version of the “chicken”. “Cha-chi-cha”
Charlize Theron was awesome in AD. Oh, and when Wee Britain was first part of the show the BF (who had just moved to SoCal) looked at me and said, “Is that real?”. I just started laughing and said, “Of course not!!!”
One of my favorite episodes was “Bring Your Daughter to Work” day and Michael was visiting George in prison.
The little daughter of the guard would swing that stick and scream, “NO TOUCHING!!!”
Hilarious.
Wee Britain was such a hilarious concept.
The world’s first analrapist.
Oh, my gosh. This whole summer, I should have been re-watching that series. Now I’m going to be too busy watching hockey!
Whenever I hear anyone say “The OC” (which is A LOT) I always say to myself, “don’t call it that”. And the BF and I always purposely say “The OC” when we’re around each other so the other can say “don’t call it that”
I don’t know if they every mentioned it out loud, but in a couple of scenes in the garage, there are yard signs leaning against the corner wall and they are advertising the development.
It’s called “Sudden Valley.”
Laugh? I thought I’d die.
Our house has a walk-out basement that was converted by a previous owner into a mother-in-law suite. But they did a cheap conversion, turning what was once a garage into a bedroom with drop ceiling and fluorescent lights like in an office (it has been used by other previous owners as a home office). It’s Boomer’s bedroom now, and she’s got this big picture window right next to our driveway. Right after we moved in, whenever she’d leave the lights on when we went out at night, we’d pull into the driveway and she’d say all happily, “It’s my analrapist office!”
NO TOUCHING! The take your daughter to work gag with that was hilarious. I also loved the “NO BEES!” and then Lucille adding calmly, “You can’t have bees in here.”
kms2, that’s too funny that your boyfriend thought Wee Britain was real!
Whenever I hear anyone say “The OC” (which is A LOT) I always say to myself, “don’t call it that”. And the BF and I always purposely say “The OC” when we’re around each other so the other can say “don’t call it that”
Pookie and I do that, too!
Patty, I LOVED Sudden Valley!
You know what you should do — make your Christmas a traditional -Ookie Christmas, and do AD marathons on those days there aren’t hockey! Kate The Great had not seen AD, so for those years they were coming out on DVD, we just planned to make her watch the entire season when we were all together for the holiday. In deep immersion, it’s just amazing to see the continuity of so many of the jokes, and how a lot of punchlines are, like, total throwaways on their own, but when you see the episodes-long build-up, they’re GENIUS. It is mind-boggling how clever that show was.
I have to admit that the thought of the Rangers coming in first in the east almost made me shit out my spleen, Forsberg style.
By the way:
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
It was a hard conclusion to come to, but we had to pick them. If just to get the Hockey Gods off our backs. If they do win the division, it’s not on us for having picked them to finish, like, last or something.
It is mind-boggling how clever that show was.
It really, really is. The attention to detail, the rewards for being a careful watcher, the call-backs, everything! I think it really excelled by giving repsect to slapstick and corniness (it’s a little cornball); silliness was treated with just as much care as the irony and archness. And I really appreciated that.
“If they do win the division, it’s not on us for having picked them to finish, like, last or something.”
You could have at least given them a second to last place finish! Just kidding, I think their January/February implosion should be entertaining.
11 days till the Sharks home opener!! We’re gonna be there!! Woo!!!
Just kidding, I think their January/February implosion should be entertaining.
See, I considered the possibility of a Jan/Feb implosion, but then realized that this team is far more likely to have a playoff implosion, a la the Sabres last year, but much, much grislier and with more pyrotechnics. It will, in fact, be more like the traditional Flyers-style of implosion. And you know what? I think that’s WAY funnier, and will be WAY more enjoyable to watch.
WOO HOO! Home openers!
“And you know what? I think that’s WAY funnier, and will be WAY more enjoyable to watch.”
I hope Jagr cries.
Not to like pimp my blog or anything, but IPB is mentioned today just in case you needed an ego boost. Hee! I am so going to buy Arrested Development today. I love that show. Whoohooo! Real hockey on friday.
I hope Jagr cries.
I hope he skates halfway to the bench during a shift, screaming unintelligibly at his teammates in Czech (like Chechmanek did that one year), and then cries. I hope Drury cries too. And I hope Gomez stands there with that dumb smile on his face, all, “What do I care? I got $10 million this year!” And then he gets excoriated by the press.
The attention to detail, the rewards for being a careful watcher, the call-backs, everything!
The midday dorks on our local sports station were in love with the show, too, and I liked listening to them talk about it. But they would totally miss half the funny stuff, because they seemed to never look around.
They talked about the Charlie Brown sad music when George-Michael was walking home once, but they totally missed the doghouse with a dog sitting on its roof in the background!
“Not to like pimp my blog or anything, but IPB is mentioned today…”
alix, it’s okay to totally pimp your blog. I don’t even have a blog, and I’m still pimping all the time. HA! Oh, man…woo…
My favorite Jagr story is from the Olympics. Remember, he made a big deal about being able to wear his favorite helmet again. The NHL wouldn’t approve it (ostensibly for safety reasons, but I also suspect it was because it was hideous).
In the first game, he gets nudged against the boards and his helmet cracks and he was out the rest of the game.
(If I remember correctly.)
How could anyone have missed the dog on top of the doghouse? People like that shouldn’t have been allowed to watch AD in the first place!
Aw, Alix, you’re so sweet!
They talked about the Charlie Brown sad music when George-Michael was walking home once, but they totally missed the doghouse with a dog sitting on its roof in the background!
Are you serious?!? *shakes head sadly*
alix, that was such a nice shout-out on THG! (Hm. THG is a steroid-y thing, isn’t it? Maybe that’s not the best abbreviation…) Thanks for having such kind things to say about us!! *Blushes*
I don’t know why I ever liked those guys.
(Hm. THG is a steroid-y thing, isn’t it? Maybe that’s not the best abbreviation…)
I think you’re thinking of HGH. :D
Oh, man, that Jagr! What a card. I have to go with trying to punch Gomer as my favorite. At the risk of sounding like a Jagr-apologist, though, I’ve discovered I had a tiny shred of empathy for the guy. Reading his post-game comments, he always says the wrong thing and is raked over the coals for it. But if you see him saying the same things, you notice he has this really strange self-depreciating sense of humor that no one picks up on. He’s actually really funny, in a super pathetic way. He just delivers his jokes all wrong.
But if you see him saying the same things, you notice he has this really strange self-depreciating sense of humor that no one picks up on.
That’s kind of sweet. It doesn’t make up for his early-career hairstyle though.
I was watching a video about the Dallas Stars Luncheon, where all the players hang out with (rich) fans. Modano had a quick interview where the guy asked if the fact he was about to break another American-born record was exciting to him. And you could see on Modano’s face that he was talking himself out of saying something clever and sarcastic, because he knew he’d be raked over the coals after it was separated from the interview and ended up sounding serious.
So after a good long pause, he said, “Of course it’s exciting.” (Asshole [implied].)
“He’s actually really funny, in a super pathetic way. He just delivers his jokes all wrong.”
So, you’re saying he’s the NHL version of Jeff Foxworthy?
I meant every word! Ha! Andrew. You and your hookers and blow.
There’s a decent article on Joe Thornton over at SI, talking about how much travelling he does and all that. Anyway, Katebits….it’s been confirmed, Kyle McLaren does have kids. But I’m still going to believe it was he who named the fish.
The quote is actually kind of funny:
“…have toured extensively. He has photos to prove it. “His Christmas card last year was of him on the Great Wall of China,” Sharks defenseman Kyle McLaren says. “The best I could do was my kids outside my house.”"
Jeff Foxworthy
I swear the first time I read that I thought it said Boxworthy.
If the kids at my supermarket checkout are anything to go by, Jagr may have a future there once he can’t play hockey anymore. Looks and grump-wise anyway.
That’s a great story Patty. IPB has somehow got me liking all these guys I never would have before. Modano’s pretty awesome even if he picks bubble heads for wives.
There’s a decent article on Joe Thornton over at SI, talking about how much travelling he does and all that.
Joe: “I’m pretty into the Seven Wonders.”
IPB Joe: “I’m pretty into the Seven Wonders. Next stop? The Hanging Gardens, baby! What? D’OH!”
“His Christmas card last year was of him on the Great Wall of China,”
Does it say/give any sort of clue when was he there? Because if he went in summer, Joe should get a medal.
“IPB Joe: “I’m pretty into the Seven Wonders. Next stop? The Hanging Gardens, baby! What? D’OH!””
Damnit, I knew you’d see that. I thought the same exact thing, “Oh sweet, good one Joe. When’s your flight leave to see the fucking Colossus of Rhodes?”
“Does it say/give any sort of clue when was he there? Because if he went in summer, Joe should get a medal.”
I doubt he gets any other time to travel, so…yeah, I guess it would have been in summer.
IPB Joe: “I’m pretty into the Seven Wonders. Next stop? The Hanging Gardens, baby! What? D’OH!”
:^:::::::::::::
Also, Ron Wilson was interviewed by The Mercury News (SJ) and was asked why he’s starting the season with Thornton, Marleau, and Cheechoo all on one line. His answer sounds like something Earl would say:
“When I hear, ‘Oh, they’re putting all their eggs in one basket.’ . . . If those are the only two eggs we have, people haven’t even watched our team,” Wilson said after Monday’s two-hour practice. “We’ve got eggs on every line.”
IPB Joe: “I’m pretty into the Seven Wonders. Next stop? The Hanging Gardens, baby! What? D’OH!
*gigglesnort*
I doubt he gets any other time to travel, so…yeah, I guess it would have been in summer.
That’s what I figured.
“We’ve got eggs on every line.”
Hee hee! That’s such a great quote. It almost makes up for “We could play 8 games in their building and win them all! D’oh!”
Damnit, I knew you’d see that. I thought the same exact thing, “Oh sweet, good one Joe. When’s your flight leave to see the fucking Colossus of Rhodes?”
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::
I’m hoping his Christmas card next year is taken in front of the Lighthouse of Alexandria, or maybe the Mausoleum. And… I’m now out of 7 Wonders. Schnookie knows them better than I, even though I did write a piece for SPECTRE that involved Brett Hull going back in time to ruin the 7 Wonders because he hated them all so much.
“We’ve got eggs on every line.”
I hope Travis doesn’t hear that, because he might go and demand a trade to SJ. “Eggs on every line! That’s like acorns on every line!”
although some might say they are as bad as Philly at turning otherwise perfectly decent goalies into quivering piles of jelly
I will never forgive the Leafs for breaking poor Vesa, that’s just more reason to hate them!
Also…”Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring BANANARCHY!”
I think the Curse of Beating Brodeur only applies if they actually win in the finals right? This means Emery’s safe…right?
If not at least the Gerbatross is still around. Man, I never thought there would come a day where I actually say that.
…and another late entry to the “Can’t believe I missed an Aphex Twin thread” – the man is a genius, but not often linked to hockey! I have Selected Ambient Works 85-92 in the car right now – and what a beautiful album it is…
“I will never forgive the Leafs for breaking poor Vesa, that’s just more reason to hate them!”
Don’t worry Sherry. He’ll go to the Leafs, suck, and then go on to success with his next team. It’s just the way things are going to go.
I think the Curse of Beating Brodeur only applies if they actually win in the finals right? This means Emery’s safe…right?
Nope. It doesn’t matter what you do after you beat Marty. You’re cursed. No if, ands or butts about it.
Gerbatross! Good one!
Brett Hull going back in time to ruin the 7 Wonders because he hated them all so much.
I am so blaming him for all those earthquakes.
I think the Curse of Beating Brodeur only applies if they actually win in the finals right? This means Emery’s safe…right?
Nope. Doomed, doomed, doooooomed.
“We’ve got eggs on every line.”
Does he mean that they’re fragile and crack easily under pressure?
And in other news, the Sabres announced that they will be enrolling in the captain-of-the-month club (per player vote), with Jochen Hecht as the wearer of the C for October.
the man is a genius, but not often linked to hockey!
If I ran an NHL franchise, we’d play only Aphex Twin during stoppages of play. Who wants to hear crappy music when they could be hearing “To Cure a Weakling Child”? (We’d make exceptions to the Aphex Twin Only rule to play “Frontier Psychiatrist”, “Running with the Devil” and “Compact It, Compress It”.)
I think the Curse of Beating Brodeur only applies if they actually win in the finals right? This means Emery’s safe…right?
Nice try, though Sherry! :D Heh heh heh… We warned you all last spring! Go ahead and beat Marty at your own risk! But did Emery listen? No he did not.
That’s cause Emery don’t take no sheeet from anybody! (He prefers to run them over with his massive car)
I’m perhaps deliriously excited about the season, perhaps I’m merely blinded by 7-0.
If I ran an NHL franchise, we’d play only Aphex Twin during stoppages of play.
I’d be all about the Muse.
Doomed, doomed, doooooomed.
I really hope this is an Invader Zim reference :P
‘the man is a genius, but not often linked to hockey”
So true, IPB is a groundbreaker in tearing down the walls that separate hockey and eclectic electronic music!
“Does he mean that they’re fragile and crack easily under pressure?”
Amy! You’re lucky you’re a Sabres fan….otherwise we would have to have words!
That’s cause Emery don’t take no sheeet from anybody! (He prefers to run them over with his massive car)
It’s going to come back around and bite him in the ass at one point. I sure hope that point is soon though.
I really hope this is an Invader Zim reference :P
It was :D
Doomed, doomed, doooooomed.
I really hope this is an Invader Zim reference :P
These people are just ASKING to be DESTROYED!!
(Don’t get me started on Invader Zim. Love that show.)
Amy! You’re lucky you’re a Sabres fan….otherwise we would have to have words!
I know. It was just so easy to make that point, especially when the coach himself says it.
“If I ran an NHL franchise, we’d play only Aphex Twin during stoppages of play. Who wants to hear crappy music when they could be hearing “To Cure a Weakling Child”?”
“Come to Daddy” might be pushing it a bit, though – the scream in the middle of that song may be the single scariest – and possibly best – moment ever recorded in music :)
It was just so easy to make that point, especially when the coach himself says it.
Amy, I was thinking exactly the same thing, but decided to keep quiet just because I didn’t want to get andrew started on, say, Doc Emrick again or something. I mean, I have so many vulnerable points, and not enough SabresLove to hide behind!
“but decided to keep quiet just because I didn’t want to get andrew started on, say, Doc Emrick again or something.”
Grrrr…Doc. (actually I am prepared to give him a second chance and give him a good listen on MSG this year.)
“I mean, I have so many vulnerable points, and not enough SabresLove to hide behind!”
It’s cool, Amy got a free shot in there, but I’m used to it. Damn Sharks! Get it together.
(Don’t get me started on Invader Zim. Love that show.)
Me too. My housemates and I quote it at a rate that many people would deem disturbing.
And this is completely unrelated to anything but I’ve rather missed hanging out at IPB. I especially was thinking about you guys when I was having a horrible Monday and was greeted by Bailey’s on our kitchen table brought home by my housemate. (which I proceeded to down with alarming speed).
I’ve rather missed hanging out at IPB.
I think it almost goes without saying that IPB has missed having you hanging out here! It’s good to see you again! (Even though you’re gloating about your team’s spiffy preseason record. I mean, COME ON! It’s just preseason! :P)
I’d be totally saying that if we were 0-7 :P there’s nothing wrong with being filled with joy because of wins, especially since we saw so little of them during the finals, you know when they actually mattered. It also means our kids aren’t as lame as originally thought.
Anyways, the reunion is short-lived as I have to go to class now. Bye everyone!
Don’t go, Sherry! You just got here!
Nice seein’ ya Sherry! Don’t be a stranger, come around more often!
It’s like Sherry being gone made our thread lose its will to live or something!
Poor thread. Clearly Sherry needs to never have class again or something. I dunno.
Did everyone see? Jason Smith gets the ‘C’ in Philly.
I suppose that’s better than Briere, the inevitable “Oh Hobbit, My Captain” headline on ESPN just doesn’t have the right flow to it.
“Oh Hobbit, My Captain”! Nice! I suppose being able to cry himself to sleep on that ginormous pile of cash will help Briere deal with the fact that this turned out not to be “his” team at all. (Of course, Gagne must be like “What do I have to do to get some dap from this organization???”)
Did everyone see? Jason Smith gets the ‘C’ in Philly.
Yeah, I saw. Blogged about it like, 3 minutes ago.
But I guess the fan favourite and “franchise boy” will still be Gagne. I mean, it’ll be his team eventually! Like how I seriously think the Oilers’ will be Hemsky’s and the Ducks will be Getzi’s.
;_; in other news, I’ve just found out that I have to take part in a competition tomorrow night at 7 pm. SEVEN PM THAT THE HOCKEY GAME STARTS AT….
T______T. I’ve decided I’m going to take periodic “bathroom breaks” to duck into the student lounge with the 72 inch TV…
Did everyone see? Jason Smith gets the ‘C’ in Philly.
I feel for Oilers fans. From what I understand, they really loved Jason Smith.
I mean, it’ll be his team eventually!
Gagne’s probably thinking, “I thought ‘eventually’ was NOW!” It seems like a weird choice to me, but knowing that organization they probably just don’t want a non-English Canadian captain.
awww…
and the Oiler fans at least, should take comfort in the fact that they won’t have to see Jason Smith a lot anyway, other that other Smythy person.
“Yeah, I saw. Blogged about it like, 3 minutes ago.”
What the hell did you do to your foot?
“From what I understand, they really loved Jason Smith.”
Gator!! Best nickname.
Eff the Oilers fans. Smith was the captain of that team and everyone “loved” him being the “heart and soul” of the team. Then the organization takes it from him and Ryan Smyth gets handed the C, all of a sudden he’s Captain Canada. Lame. Jason Smith is a bad mofo, and he should have kept the captaincy in my opinion.
knowing that organization they probably just don’t want a non-English Canadian captain.
I thought about that for a moment and got irrationally mad with the Flyers. Not very different from my usual state of being really.
What the hell did you do to your foot?
Stepped on some broken glass. It’s ok, it’s only 2 stitches and I can still skate. I need to learn not to walk around barefoot. (that giant bubble idea of Amy’s [or was it Meg?]? Looking more and more like a good idea)
or you could just get really fuzzy cushy slippers like I do :D
they’re shaped like dogs… with cute litte fuzzy ears. :D
Eff the Oilers fans. Smith was the captain of that team and everyone “loved” him being the “heart and soul” of the team. Then the organization takes it from him and Ryan Smyth gets handed the C, all of a sudden he’s Captain Canada. Lame.
I could not agree with you more, andrew! I have not a whit of sympathy for anyone associated with that organization. None. I mean, there are some teams where I’ll sit back and say, “Poor fans. They deserve better.” But not the Oilers when it comes to Smitty and Ryan Smyth. (Smyth, by the way, is the Captain of my All Overrated Team. He is, in fact, that team’s heart-and-soul guy.)
Oh, and I’ll also mention that no one ever says, “Poor Devils fans! They loved Jason Smith all the way back when he was a wee bairn learning his trade from Scott Stevens.” Because some of us did!
wow you know, i didn’t know this, but the Oilers have FOUR alternate captains 0.0.
why the hell would you need so many?!
Speaking of stitches, Schnookie, did your staples come out ok?
Bucci:
The Sabres are (for now) stuck with GM Darcy Regier and owner Tom Golisano and their vision of mediocrity.
I officially hate him.
(Hi, everybody!)
Speaking of stitches, Schnookie, did your staples come out ok?
Thanks for asking, Mags! It turns out they didn’t give me staples, yet still scheduled an appointment for staple-removal. Which seems weird, but I guess having a doctor check to make sure I’m not oozing pus is probably a good idea. I, of course, am wildly squeamish about this sort of thing, so I never bothered looking closely enough to determine whether I had stitches or staples. I had wounds, and that’s all I needed to know. There was some hubbub at my appointment yesterday about how they biopsied my liver while they were in there with my gall bladder, and words like “chronic” and “inflamed” and “hepatitis” were thrown around, and then my surgeon chuckled like Dr. Hibbert and told me there was nothing to worry about. Meanwhile I’m lying on the little table thing, white as a sheet, paralyzed with fear, my face a frozen mask of pure terror. Suuuuuure I won’t worry.
“It’s ok, it’s only 2 stitches and I can still skate.”
Put some shoes on, girl! Glad to hear you’re okay though.
“Smyth, by the way, is the Captain of my All Overrated Team. He is, in fact, that team’s heart-and-soul guy.”
Wow, more overrated than Drury? Guerin? Comrie? That’s saying a lot! But you’re right, Smyth is a good player, and he knows how to collect garbage goals as good as the next guy, but that does NOT make him the end-all-be-all captain.
If every guy who ever got his teeth knocked out by Pronger, and hence was considered an elite captain because of it, the league would be over-fucking-flowing with ‘em.
Doctors always tell you there’s nothing to worry about when there’s something going on… but then again since they dind’t tell you anything afterwards, it’s good to know you’re okay :D
The Sabres are (for now) stuck with GM Darcy Regier and owner Tom Golisano and their vision of mediocrity.
I officially hate him.
What did you expect him to say about the team that let his HOCKEY GOD go? Remember, Heather, this is a guy who thought Keith Jones warranted a book being written about him. How much stock do you really put in his opinion?
wow you know, i didn’t know this, but the Oilers have FOUR alternate captains 0.0.
why the hell would you need so many?!
4 A’s plus a C? Are they expecting someone to get hit by a bus and thus experience a dearth of leadership?
no Amy ;_; apparently they have two A’s for home games (hemsky and stoll? hemsky and somebody) and two A’s for road.
aaand i’m off to class ;_;
bye everybody :D don’t get too tired at work!
There was some hubbub at my appointment yesterday about how they biopsied my liver while they were in there with my gall bladder, and words like “chronic” and “inflamed” and “hepatitis” were thrown around, and then my surgeon chuckled like Dr. Hibbert and told me there was nothing to worry about.
I’d be terrified too! That’s just mean! I’m glad it wasn’t too bad and that you’re not leaking body fluids though :D
Gagne’s probably thinking, “I thought ‘eventually’ was NOW!”
Yeah, what the heck? He’s hardly a baby anymore.
In Buffalo we’re evidently doing the rotating C for now. (Boooo!)
Heather, Bucci’s not worth your hate. At best he warrants pity and scorn.
In Buffalo we’re evidently doing the rotating C for now. (Boooo!)
I read about that. Jochen has it for October right?
What did you expect him to say about the team that let his HOCKEY GOD go? Remember, Heather, this is a guy who thought Keith Jones warranted a book being written about him. How much stock do you really put in his opinion?</I.
Oh, I know. But it still pissed me off. Mediocrity? Yes, because Regier’s reign has just overflowed with mediocrity! A level of mediocrity that I’m pretty sure many, many fanbases would gladly take. Give me a break, Bucci, you maroon!
apparently they have two A’s for home games (hemsky and stoll? hemsky and somebody) and two A’s for road.
The Devils did that last year. I liked it, if just because we have about 15 guys who deserve a letter. It seems Sutter’s not going with an overabundance of letter this year, though, and Pando and Madden are (once again) on the outside looking in. I don’t think Sutter’s as impressed by those two as most Devils fans are…
Then the organization takes it from him and Ryan Smyth gets handed the C, all of a sudden he’s Captain Canada.
Huh. I didn’t realize they gave the C to Smyth. I thought Jason Smith still had it when he left.
Agree on the Smyth thing. They were both to blame for his leaving. If Smyth loved the team so much, he would have taken a little less to stay. I think he got the big head when they went to the Finals.
The Devils announced Elias, Gionta and Zubrus have all been given “A”s. No word on a C. Schnookie pointed out Pando and Madden must be having fits right now.
I read about that. Jochen has it for October right?
Yep.
Bye Vinny! have a good time at class!
“this is a guy who thought Keith Jones warranted a book being written about him.”
Seriously, Bucci is a grade A moron. That review didn’t even make any sense. And yeah, think you could shill that stupid Keith Jones book any harder, John? No one cares. Now take your enormously elongated head and go back to doing whatever it is a hockey “analyst” does over at ESPN.
Now take your enormously elongated head and go back to doing whatever it is a hockey “analyst” does over at ESPN.
Which is baseball.
Gagne’s probably thinking, “I thought ‘eventually’ was NOW!”
Yeah, what the heck? He’s hardly a baby anymore.
I’m sure he totally regrets signing that five year contract last year. He’s probably on the phone with Eric Lindros right now scheming about how to force the Flyers to trade him.
There was some hubbub at my appointment yesterday about how they biopsied my liver while they were in there with my gall bladder, and words like “chronic” and “inflamed” and “hepatitis” were thrown around, and then my surgeon chuckled like Dr. Hibbert and told me there was nothing to worry about.
Yikes! Did you leap and swear that you’ve never eaten foecal oysters?? :P
Well, after andrew’s harsh words I couldn’t not go read Bucci’s Sabres preview and… WTF? What is he talking about? He sounds like the Sabres not re-signing Drury is a personal insult to him or something. That was really nonsensical and way more venomous than it really needed to be, wasn’t it? He hurts my head, Bucci does.
Schnookie, see?! I’m outraged!
“Did you leap and swear that you’ve never eaten foecal oysters??”
HA!
“Well, after andrew’s harsh words I couldn’t not go read Bucci’s Sabres preview and…”
Sorry, I’ve been a little edgy lately. The season is so damn close I can taste it. Makin’ me crazy!!! I’ll try to tone it down a bit.
Which is baseball.
ZING!
Yikes! Did you leap and swear that you’ve never eaten foecal oysters?? :P
He asked me if I’d ever been exposed to Hepatitis, which I have not, and then assured me that there was probably nothing to worry about then. But on my way out to my car I remembered my spiritual connection to Patty Elias (you know, the way he scores just to humiliate me when I’m badmouthing him and all), and I was like, “Is Hep A spiritually communicable? Because if so, there’s no way I don’t have it.”
Schnookie, see?! I’m outraged!
I am now, too! He was totally lashing out! It was ridiculous!! (And did I miss the Devils somewhere in there, or does he have them in the top 5? Didn’t he get the memo that Gomez and Rafalski were our heart and soul? Or seriously, did I just gloss over them? [I wasn't paying very close attention...])
And did I miss the Devils somewhere in there, or does he have them in the top 5?
They weren’t in the 15-11, so I guess they are in the top 5. Surely we are now doomed?
Ouch, who peed in Bucci’s cornflakes this morning?
He’s got NJ in his top 5. Congrats! Bucci officially isn’t pooping on the Devils!
Bucci never poops on the Devils, actually. It’s the one reason I should like him.
He’s got NJ in his top 5. Congrats! Bucci officially isn’t pooping on the Devils!
Yay. I can hardly contain my excitement.
“Bucci never poops on the Devils, actually.”
But I thought everyone in the MSM poops on the Devils! I thought that was their raison d’etre!
But I thought everyone in the MSM poops on the Devils! I thought that was their raison d’etre!
It’s his attempt to look “alternative” and “cool”. Remember him going on about how he “lives on the edge”? Well, not pooping on the Devils counts as walking on the wild side in his profession. (And by “his profession” I mean “doing whatever it is Bucci does”, since I don’t consider him a valid member of the MSM.)
And by “his profession” I mean “doing whatever it is Bucci does”, since I don’t consider him a valid member of the MSM.
Even worse than being a member of the MSM, is wishing you were a member, but not being good enough.
And by “his profession” I mean “doing whatever it is Bucci does”, since I don’t consider him a valid member of the MSM.
Even worse than being a member of the MSM, is wishing you were a member, but not being good enough.
Now you’re turning him into a tragic character. What a strange world.
I just emailed him. I’m sure I sound irate and irrational and I won’t get printed since I don’t ask about his book and suggest Drury is overpaid, but I feel better.
Heather, did you at least ask him how they’re going to get the roof off of HSBC arena?
Heather, did you at least ask him how they’re going to get the roof off of HSBC arena?
D’oh! I knew I forgot something!
You could always send him another email. I bet he’d get a kick out of the attention.
Dude. Because of all the outrage, I went over to ESPN and read the Bucci article, and here are my thoughts:
1. I have never ready anything by him and I cannot BELIEVE he actually does the song lyric thing. You know how every once in a while you see someone impersonated on Saturday Night Live before you actually see the real person? That’s what just happened with me an Bucci and I am stunned (STUNNED) that such a person exists.
2. I found his writing literally intolerable. It was so annoying that I couldn’t read it, so I can’t comment on the substance of the article….
3…..except for the bit about the Sabres which was just silly.
I am never reading that guy again.
I just read Bucci’s Sabres report. WTF? I know this isn’t going to be a popular assessment around her, but when he says, “The magic is gone” I wonder, “What magic?” Don’t get me wrong — I’m not pooh-pooh two straight ECFs. That’s AWESOME. But when we’re looking at it from a Briere and Drury perspective, those guys — if they were as good and as essential as Bucci thinks they are — would have taken the team farther last year than they did the year before. The Sabres were unprepared for the playoffs this past year. If you’re going to say all their success was because of Briere and Drury, then you’ve got to blame them for that, too. And if you’re blaming them for that, then you can’t say the team is doomed for loosing them.
THANK YOU, Pookie! That’s exactly what I’ve been trying to force my brain to sort out for the last couple of days. I mean, the “magic” was gone in Buffalo after last October. GAH!
TOTALLY! Is that guy retarded or something? Is he actually someone important in the world of hockey?
“if they were as good and as essential as Bucci thinks they are — would have taken the team farther last year than they did the year before.”
A very valid point. It’s his unhealthy DruryLove that took that article over. No sense or reason present. At all. Hell, I mancrushed on Drury just as hard as the next fanboy, but christ on a cracker, you gotta let go eventually!
If you’re going to say all their success was because of Briere and Drury, then you’ve got to blame them for that, too. And if you’re blaming them for that, then you can’t say the team is doomed for loosing them.
But Pookie, you’re applying logic! That can’t be done in MSM prognostications.
I almost wonder if the players are aware of how much of a ruckus is being put on by the fans and media over the Briere/Drury thing three months after the fact. If they are aware, I really hope the team mentality is an f-it, and they prove to everyone that B&D were just cogs in the machine that can be replaced with another cog.
I am never reading that guy again.
I say that every time. But then somehow I convince myself it’s funny-bad rather than just the flat-out bad it is, and then I go back for more later, only to regret it terrible. It really is galling that someone that talentless gets paid to “write” that, and that he’s not universally regarded as a windbag moron, like say, Eklund.
I’m impressed you all can actually read more than one word of Bucci. He makes me want to set my own eyeballs on fire after one paragraph.
What gets me is I distinctly remember Bucci being a bit of a neophyte and not really getting hockey when he started on NHL2Night. I seem to recall his schtick was sort of that he knew nothing about the players or the league or even the game. And now his column is all about how he was birthed on a backyard rink with an encyclopedic knowledge of all things Cam Neely.
Is that guy retarded or something? Is he actually someone important in the world of hockey?
See, this is what I don’t get. I thought he was marginal. He was the studio host of ESPN’s old hockey show, and was the vapid talking head who sat next to the hockey analysts. Then they gave him a column of his own because I guess being an vapid talking head who sits next to analysts makes him into an expert or something. And for years he’s been “writing” (it is really only a poor simulation of actual writing) this column on ESPN as if his opinion has some sort of significance or something. Which I assumed it does not. But apparently there are people out there who actually do care what he says and think he actually is an expert of some kind. I don’t understand these people.
I honestly couldn’t stand it. It was like when I tried to watch the YouTube clip of Tom Cruise jumping on Oprah’s couch and I literally became so embarrassed on his behalf that I couldn’t bear to watch the clip in it’s entirety. Reading Bucci column made me feel ashamed to be a human being.
If you’re going to say all their success was because of Briere and Drury, then you’ve got to blame them for that, too.
Right! And maybe, just maybe, it was time for them to get out of the way and let the kids take over.
Amy, I get the feeling the team is well aware of what people are saying about them in regards to Briere and Drury and I think they’re chomping at the bit to go nuts. How do you think Derek, Max, and Van feel about the idea that their line was unimportant? How do you think Hank and Toni feel about the idea that Chris killed all the penalties? How do you think friggin’ Ryan feels about those two being the team MVPs? The whole thing is nonsense!
I’m impressed you all can actually read more than one word of Bucci. He makes me want to set my own eyeballs on fire after one paragraph.
I never get farther than one paragraph myself. Pookie can attest that this IM exchange happens about once a month:
Me: I’m bored.
Pookie: Sorry.
Me: I’m so bored I think I’m going to read Bucci.
Pookie: NOOOO! Don’t do it!
Me: It’ll be funny.
Pookie: No it won’t. You’re going to regret this.
Me: I’m going to read it now.
[30 seconds pass]
Me: I got two sentences in and can’t go on any longer. HE IS SO STUPID!
Pookie: Told you so.
Reading Bucci column made me feel ashamed to be a human being.
Sigh. Yeah. That’s the way it goes. And yet for so long we’ve been shackled to the MSM and what little table scraps of hockey it chose to dole out to us starving fans, that it’s a hard habit to break. This is why the blogosphere was Reason 116 (or 115, they all ran together for me after, oh, Reason 2). Finally we don’t need Bucci to read another person “writing” about hockey.
And how do you think Pommerdoodle feels about the idea that HE’LL NEVER SCORE ANOTHER GOAL WITHOUT BRIERE?!
Poor Gagne! Maybe I’ll have to make him the Swedish Meatballs captain as compensation. Then I’ll have to bribe Travis with acorns or something…
Reading Bucci column made me feel ashamed to be a human being.
That’s exactly the feeling, isn’t it? I keep trying to explain to Boomer why I get so worked up about how crappy his column is, and I’ve been going with the “he makes me so mad because the column is so dumb”, but that just wasn’t right. “Ashamed” is way more right. It’s JUST like the Tom Cruise thing.
I did work his stupid lyric concept into my email though (”I’m thinking less The Man and more The Kids are Alright“) so maybe he’ll be flattered enough by that to ignore all the places I called him an idiot.
Finally we don’t need Bucci to read another person “writing” about hockey.
I often wish I had a longer history with hockey, but I am also very happy that I avoided two things: 1. The lock-out 2. Hockey before blogging.
I am so SO sorry you guys had no alternative to the Bucci’s for so long, because….ouch.
I emailed him once about his studio work to call him an idiot. He emailed back, “Go to bed.”
Hee. Go to bed. What does that mean? Is that a song lyric?
I emailed him once about his studio work to call him an idiot. He emailed back, “Go to bed.”
That’s great!
One last thing and then I’ll move on. I think people are really underestimating how valuable it is that this core group has been playing together for years now. They came up through Buffalo’s system and have grown and developed as players and people together. I think that counts for something and I’ll think it even more when the patchwork Rangers are imploding.
I hate Bucci so much I didn’t even realize it’s time for me to go home! I would have sit and stewed about the injustice that is Bucci’s paycheck all night! See you all later!
And how do you think Pommerdoodle feels about the idea that HE’LL NEVER SCORE ANOTHER GOAL WITHOUT BRIERE?!
He managed to score a pretty nice one Saturday night without Briere holding his hand.
He managed to score a pretty nice one Saturday night without Briere holding his hand.
Amy, that was clearly a fluke. The Sabres have no one with the ability to assist on a goal anymore. Sorry to let you down.
Bye Pookie!
Hee. Go to bed. What does that mean? Is that a song lyric?
I was puzzled, too. I emailed back asking what he meant, but got no answer.
So Pookie just found a chat transcript of one of the times I forced myself to read Bucci, this one from several months ago. I am not making any of this up:
Schnookie Oh, and want to know how
desperate/tired I was today? I read Bucci.
He interviews that top draft pick kid at Minnesota.
Whose name escapes me.
The conclusions I drew were as follows:
A) Bucci is retarded. (Case in point: in response to one of the kid’s answers he decides the kid has essentially quoted “I Believe”, which he says is one of his 3 favorite REM songs, and which he then prints, in its entirety.)
B) The kid in question admits that college athletes don’t go to class.
Pookie: Hee hee!
Schnookie: C) The kid in question, when asked what he last ordered at Denny’s, answers that he’s only been to Denny’s once and he doesn’t remember what he got. He then adds that he is an organic food guy who was a vegetarian until he was 8.
Pookie: Really? That’s awesome!
Schnookie: Bucci then goes on about how he’s eaten at Denny’s 300-500 times, and most recently went there after his son’s athletic event.
Pookie: Bucci’s retarded.
Schnookie: I was like, “figures.” I have never read an interview that was so much about the interviewer. He conducted the interview over email, so he had his questions, then the kid’s answers, then his comments on the kid’s answers in brackets afterwards.
Pookie: What a weirdo!
Schnookie: Yeah.
Pookie: I mean, does anyone care about how often he eats at Dennys?
Schnookie: Big style.
My final conclusion was: D) Bucci is retarded.
Pookie: Anyone reading that column would read to hear what the interviewee has to say.
Schnookie: No! You would read to see what Bucci has to say in his column about what the kid said.
I totally remember that column. He told the kid he should pick a different jersey number than the one he was leaning toward because he (Bucci) didn’t like it.
Finally we don’t need Bucci to read another person “writing” about hockey.
Even though I know this in my head, I was finding it hard to let go of the MSM for hockey stuff. And Bucci was some “opinion” in the MSM. But every day I feel more and more free of that CRAP. I don’t even check it anymore. If y’all weren’t talking about him, I’d forget to read his column.
(Of course, now I have to read it. But I can read it from the perspective of a free woman who doesn’t have to read it.)
He told the kid he should pick a different jersey number than the one he was leaning toward because he (Bucci) didn’t like it.
He did! That was SO BAD. Bucci is so bad! I should stop talking about him, but he’s like that scene in “Walking and Talking” when Catherine Keener is leaving a rambling message on her friend’s answering machine while doing her dishes, and she says, “Oh my god! This sponge smells like a hot dog!” Then she smells the sponge again and recoils, then continues on the phone, “And I can’t stop smelling it!” Bucci is that sponge. He is irrelevant, he smells bad, but I can neither stop smelling him, nor stop talking about it.
Oh my gosh I hate that bit he does! Where he pastes the poor victim’s answer in, then tells you how he would have answered it. Or how that answer was wrong.
Too bad nobody cares what he thinks, or he’d be interviewed occasionally himself.
Back in the day, when I was naive, I thought it was fun that he new Shjon Podein personally. Then I found out that he couldn’t make an NHL team and that Bucci was never going to let it go and I felt all dirty.
As a total novice, my immediate response to Bucci was to decide that he’s retarded. Schnookie, we are, like, totally soul sisters!….but please don’t tell me that Bucci smells like hotdog because, well, the news might kill me.
Knew, not new, Podein. Sheesh!
“Back in the day, when I was naive, I thought it was fun that he new Shjon Podein personally.”
We all thought it was quirky and funny, Patty. Then he continued to name drop Podein in every single column he wrote, ever. Yeah, that didn’t get old at all.
I thought it was fun that he new Shjon Podein personally.
How about that time he told that convoluted story about how he and Podein had to share a bed in a hotel room (It may not actually have been convoluted, but I only have so much mental capacity to commit to reading one of his columns, so everything ends up feeling convoluted), and it was SO FUNNY because you know what? THEY’RE NOT GAY! NOT GAY AT ALL! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! It was one of the skeeviest things I’ve ever read.
And Katebits, he only figuratively smells like hot dogs, in a bad way. Not a good hot dog smell.
He mentioned sleeping with Shjon in one of his previews this year. I forget which one. (Or more likely, I’m blocking it.)
“He mentioned sleeping with Shjon in one of his previews this year. I forget which one.”
I think it was Tampa Bay. I’m ashamed for knowing that.
It’s okay, andrew. I clearly still have the whole story burned indelibly into my brain, so we can share our cycle of shame and self-hate. (I just remember it being so ickily homophobic, and hoping LZ Granderson would come over from Page 2 and kick his ass.)
Ahhhhh too much Bucci!!!!!! Hot dogs are gross. But that poor little draft kid! If Bucci ever interviews my cousin like that I will cut a bitch. Nonis loves defensemen! We just picked another one of waivers.
It was definitely Tampa. I read that this morning and gagged. Bucci, mate, overshare on the homophobia.
Nonis loves defensemen! We just picked another one of waivers.
Which one?? It wasn’t Baumgartner, was it?
Speaking of Oilers captains, it’s being reported that they’re giving the C to Ethan Moreau. He won the Hot Oil Hot-Off last season, so he can’t be all bad!
Moreau is a tasty morsel! Still don’t like the Oilers though. Mike Weaver was the defenceman. Apparantly we got him from LA.
“Nonis loves defensemen! We just picked another one of waivers.”
DUDE. Nonis really needs to stop worrying about the ‘Nucks defense. Seriously. That’s what, like, 15 D-men on the depth chart now?
Ha! Something like that. I swear he has a defencemen fetish. It’s all he thinks about. My darling Matty O better watch his back. Yeah, anways. I think he’s worried we’ll have a repeat of last playoffs when almost all our top d-men were injured.
Well, I think it’s time for me to go take a nap. Have fun, everyone, and alix, enjoy that comfortable feeling that you could have your ENTIRE blueline go down with injuries and your team would still be able to dress 8 d-men for every game!
I will Schnookie! Have a good nap.
Enjoy the nap!
Anyone still here?
Downie just got handed a month long suspension from the AHL for his hit on McAmmond. I had no idea a player could be suspended for something they did in another league…
Have a good nap Schnookie.
I had no idea a player could be suspended for something they did in another league…
I’ve heard of that before. I think it’s still their decision, though. They’re not required to. It seems a couple of seasons ago some foreign league honored an NHL suspension. I have no proof of that, though.
I hope that gives some players pause. You had better be careful how you show off to the coaches when you’re trying to make the team.
I would think that the fact that he’s suspended for the first 20 games after he’s called up next time would mean he might not get called up for a very long time.
I am only assuming that’s how it would go. He’s not just suspended for the first 20 games of the NHL season, is he? Even if he’s in the minors? Surely not.
I was wondering how being sent down would effect Downie’s NHL suspension. Do they have to call him up before his suspension ever starts? Is the suspension occurring even when he is ineligible to play in the NHL because he is in another league? Why would they ever call him up again just to serve his suspension?
I’m confused too, Patty. It seems like a 20 game suspension to a minor leaguer might be more of a lifetime ban.
“He’s not just suspended for the first 20 games of the NHL season, is he? Even if he’s in the minors? Surely not.”
his suspension doesn’t start until they call him up.
“Why would they ever call him up again just to serve his suspension?”
Well, he was a first round draft pick. If the Flyers ever want him to play for ‘em, they’ll call him up eventually and let him serve. It’s the only way he’s going to play in the NHL.
“I would think that the fact that he’s suspended for the first 20 games after he’s called up next time would mean he might not get called up for a very long time.”
From what I understand, he was right on the cusp of breaking into the lineup. So, yes, I would say you’re right if he were a longshot to make the team….but a little more seasoning in the AHL and the Flyers might be wanting him in the line up bad enough.
What I gathered from the Flyers org was that they were planning to make him serve his 20 games in bits and pieces. Calling him up for 1 or 2 games at a time and then sending him back down or something.
“Calling him up for 1 or 2 games at a time and then sending him back down or something.”
Hmm, I don’t pretend to understand the Flyers and their braindead outfit, but shouldn’t they just put his name on the roster and let him serve the 20, then send him back down? That way when a starter goes down with an injury, they can play him as they need him.
shouldn’t they just put his name on the roster and let him serve the 20, then send him back down? That way when a starter goes down with an injury, they can play him as they need him.
That’s what I’d do, but wth, I’m not a GM.
Even if you were Mags, You couldn’t work in Philly. You’re already over qualified for that post.
Andrew, while flattered, I sincerely doubt that.
I think it’s so he can keep playing and not get out of game shape, while still making (gradual) progress on the suspension. Sitting for 20 games straight with the big club would cause some rust to form, I expect.
Also, one of my favorite junior players just made the cut with the Rangers. Every time there’s a photo of him on the ice, he’s with Jagr, which is just depressing.
“I think it’s so he can keep playing and not get out of game shape, while still making (gradual) progress on the suspension.”
That’s a pretty good theory mara. Too bad the AHL had to go and ruin that plan, huh?!
Alright gang, see you all later. I’m headed home.
That’s a pretty good theory mara. Too bad the AHL had to go and ruin that plan, huh?!
I hadn’t actually heard the AHL’s decision yet, and leapt into that conversation without reading all of the thread. Good for the AHL! A suspension should be a suspension, not just a transfer to a slightly less-spiffy league for a bit.
Also, one of my favorite junior players just made the cut with the Rangers. Every time there’s a photo of him on the ice, he’s with Jagr, which is just depressing.
I’d cry. Then again, I don’t really need an excuse to burst into tears…
Later Andrew!
Here he is, poor kiddo. JAGR, STOP TOUCHING THE ROOKIE.
http://images.sportsline.com/u/gettyimages/photos/GYI0050775020093005_1024×768.jpg
I know we all pretty much agree that Pronger is a douche, but he gave an Outtakes interview one time with Dan Patrick and it was funny. The best part was that he calls Jagr ‘Puffnuts.’
I seem to be topic-hopping today. Apologies. It’s 25 minutes to quittin’ time.
Jagr is so… urgh.
I know we all pretty much agree that Pronger is a douche, but he gave an Outtakes interview one time with Dan Patrick and it was funny. The best part was that he calls Jagr ‘Puffnuts.’
Seriously? I gotta find that.
Are we like the only two people here? Dang.
Bah, I’m sort of here. Trying to write a stupid essay about the governments of egypt and mesopotamia.
Seriously? I gotta find that.
It’s an old issue of ESPN Magazine, but I THINK I might have scanned it. I’ll have to check my hard drive at home.
Are we like the only two people here? Dang.
And you’re going to lose me in…17 minutes now!
Trying to write a stupid essay about the governments of egypt and mesopotamia.
I would offer to help, but seriously, I have no idea about either of their government systems.
Mara, I googled and got it. He IS kinda funny… and fairly spot on about goalies…
I don’t care so much about the government of Egypt, but my father and I are considering finally going there in the next year or two. We’ve both wanted to since forever.
One day I’ll make it to Egypt too. One day when I’m confident enough to brush off the guys offering my dad camels so that they can have my hand in marriage (apparently my cousin had that happen to her, she said it was bizarre)
One day when I’m confident enough to brush off the guys offering my dad camels so that they can have my hand in marriage (apparently my cousin had that happen to her, she said it was bizarre)
Eek, seriously? How did she find out what the guy meant?
I am all about the 5-star Nile cruise ships. Just have to convince my dad that a floating hotel is a better way to travel than tour buses.
Ok, gotta go home now!
Mara, I googled and got it. He IS kinda funny… and fairly spot on about goalies…
Wow, I knew the online interviews were longer than in the magazine, but not THAT long.
It’s actually a (little, teeny) bit harder to call him a douche after reading that. Dammit. Some athletes give the most BORING Outtakes interviews. That was a good one.
Well, he’s still an on-ice douche. And totally pussywhipped.
One day when I’m confident enough to brush off the guys offering my dad camels so that they can have my hand in marriage (apparently my cousin had that happen to her, she said it was bizarre)
Eek, seriously? How did she find out what the guy meant?
I am all about the 5-star Nile cruise ships. Just have to convince my dad that a floating hotel is a better way to travel than tour buses.
Ok, gotta go home now!
The site’s giving me weirdness…hopefully I didn’t just post this three times!
t’s actually a (little, teeny) bit harder to call him a douche after reading that. Dammit.
I know. I’m just going to have to come to terms with the fact that I am undeniably going to Hell for thinking “Hey, he’s not so bad” just now.
And on that bombshell, I am out of here.
Eek, seriously? How did she find out what the guy meant?
Dead serious. It might have been goats though… And they were traveling with a guide I think.
One day when I’m confident enough to brush off the guys offering my dad camels so that they can have my hand in marriage (apparently my cousin had that happen to her, she said it was bizarre)
My dad would say, “Camels?! Bah! What about that Bentley you’re rollin’?” :P
Hee! Patty’s dad is funny. So I too was curious about that Pronger article and I went and read it. Now I feel dirty because it was quite amusing. He’s still definitely a bag of douche though.
Chiming in. This entire musically-associated preview system is beyond the genius I’ve regularly come to expect here. The very use of Chiquitita and the Gummi Bears Theme speaks to your collective genius.
And thanks for giving my team “That’s Amore!” It definitely caters to the SportSquee audience. And our intent to batter them with insulting generalizations about their ethnicity. If only they could read.
And thanks for giving my team “That’s Amore!” It definitely caters to the SportSquee audience. And our intent to batter them with insulting generalizations about their ethnicity. If only they could read.
Margee, I bet if they could read, they’d give you a very insulted Italian-Stallion style “Whinny!” in response to that.
If only they could read.
And if they could read, when would they have time to what with all the spinning da pies and making da meatballs?