We are hoping beyond hope that Lou Lamoriello drank a toast at some point this offseason to his new Devils team, just like Dr. Frankenstein in The Bride of Frankenstein — “To a new age of gods and monsters!” And, well, if he didn’t, we will. This year our beloved team is a really bizarre — dare we say freakish? — combination of familiar faces and a totally new look, and we’re here to help you, Gentle Reader, anticipate who and what about the 2007-2008 Devils will be god-like and who and what will be monstrous.
GOD: Brent Sutter
From what everyone has been saying about him since his hiring was announced, we fully expect Coach Sutter to be able to walk on water. And the way everyone seems to think that he’s someday going to be our new Lou, he damn well better walk on water. Of course, the way the coaching situation has gone for our boys since the lockout ended is reminiscent of “The Lord Of The Flies”, only the kinds of players Lou has on the roster means they don’t become a group of savages when they find themselves without a strong authority figure, but rather unleash a lethal passive-aggressiveness that drives good men to the brink of insanity. Sutter is talking a big talk that he’s not going to stand for more of that craziness, and this preseason he’s shown that he’s inclined to back it up. Stripping Patty Elias of his C? Instituting an aggressive forecheck? Refusing to obsessively match lines? Breaking up Pando and Madden? He means business! We’ve spent the last few Springs watching the Devils fade out with a whimper in the postseason thanks to a stubborn insistence on being a passive, reacting team. Sutter seems to be the guy who’s going to take us back to the glory days in 2000 and 2001 when the Devils swaggered around the ice, setting the pace and dictating tone. We’re going to go out on a limb and say that we are not going to see a third Spring with Lou behind our bench.
MONSTER: Scott Gomez’s Legacy
For some strange reason, people across the MSM and hockey blogosphere reacted to Gomer’s departure as if he had been powering the Devils to 500-goal seasons or something. We get where they’re coming from when we watch the way the team stood around last year every time he had the puck and just gawked while waiting for him to beat all five defenders by his lonesome, but how was that an effective offensive tool? Don’t get us wrong — Scott Gomez is a fantastic hockey player, and he’s had some years where he was a great fit in the Devils’ offense. But with Elias, Gionta, Zajac and Parise all under contract for the next few years, he really wasn’t going to be that good a fit anymore. His success on the EGG line in ’05-’06 was a symptom of having half a year of skating basically just with a sniper (Gio) before Patty came back from the Hep, desperate to fit an entire contract year into just a few months. Last year was a more telling demonstration of why a puck-possession center is really not a good fit for a puck-possession winger, and we are fully confident that Elias is going to do his damnedest to show the world exactly how much better he can be than when he’s sitting around waiting for Gomer to decide to pass to him.
GOD: Patrik Elias
Okay, so last year was a disaster for Patty. But now that he’s out from under the weight of that onerous “C”, and he’s no longer on what we’re convinced was a secret Gomer-killing mission, we fully expect a return to form. And by “form” we mean “worth the ginormous contract he signed two years ago”. When things are going right with Patty he is one of the top players in the league, and things were never righter with him than back in 2000-2001 when he was skating on a line with a slick, scoring winger and a giant, banging, low-scoring center. Call us hopelessly optimistic, but that kind of sounds like what he’s going to be doing this season. No, we’re not predicting a second coming of the A Line, but we are pretty sure we can expect good things from a Patty who gets the puck more, and whose coach is demanding an uptempo, cycling forecheck.
MONSTER: Loving Pando
We spent the entirety of the Devils’ short playoffs last year banging our heads against the wall as the coaching staff abjectly refused to recognize that the Madden-Pando checking unit was getting its collective ass handed to it. Then along comes this preseason, with Sutter announcing that he doesn’t believe in line-matching, and then doing the unthinkable — breaking up the seven-year partners. Suddenly we wished we could take back our cries of, “Dear lord, make it stop!” from after each shift of watching Pando and Madden get skated into the ice by Tampa’s and Ottawa’s top lines. We didn’t actually mean it, did we? The lesson in this, Gentle Reader, is to be careful what you wish for. Because now we’ve got Madden winging on the third line, and Pando shunted to the fourth… and off the penalty kill. He was a finalist for the Selke last year! He’s Schnookie’s favoritest player! We want him to be captain! But we guess Sutter doesn’t read IPB, because he’s clearly not in agreement with us.
GOD: Andy Greene
No, we don’t expect Andy Greene to go to the All-Star Game this season. But you know what? He’s nearly ten years younger than Brian Rafalski and costs ten times less. And he’s just as good at turning the puck over, scrambling out of position, and being undersized. He also proved in the playoffs last year that he can skate solid minutes and has a nasty, sneaky shot from the point on the PP. What’s not to love? Furthermore, he’s not going to be a $35 gazillion cap hit when he’s 150 years old like a certain former Devils 28 is going to be for the Red Wings.
MONSTER: The Schedule
The Devils start the season with a 9-game road trip. And they get to spend the rest of the season in this godawful unbalanced schedule playing in the “mine’s bigger than yours is” Atlantic Division. We saw our division rivals all load up this offseason, and whether their roster moves are really going to make any of them significantly better is beside the point. The point is that things are just nasty now in the Atlantic. There are no easy nights because everyone just utterly hates each other. 32 games against the Flyers, Rangers, Penguins and Islanders is not a good thing.
GOD: Paul Martin
Fans expecting Paulie to rack up the points will find his season more monster than god, but those of us expecting the quiet confidence of a solid defenseman finally carving out his place in the game will find his season just right. Regardless of Martin’s pedigree coming into the league, it was never fair to expect Niedermayer’s offensive numbers from him. At the start of last season we were beginning to wonder if we couldn’t expect Neider’s D, either. Paulie ran into some plus/minus troubles early on and needed months to get back on track. That said, from January on, it became very clear that he figured out how to put the pieces together. By the time the playoffs started we were seeing a player ready to be the number one — a player oozing confidence in his ability to shut down opponents, supporting his offensive teammates, and communicating perfectly with his goaltender. Marty seems to play differently when he’s got defensemen he knows he can trust in front of him, and Paulie’s clearly earned that trust. Even with his increased time on the power play, we’re not chalking Pauile up for more than 50 points, but based on the pre-season games we’ve seen, the old Devils system of sticking to a quadrant (i.e. you could practically see the electrical collars sparking whenever a d-man skating past the face-off dots in the offensive zone) has been disregarded, so maybe we’ll be proven wrong.
MONSTER: Groins, Eyes and Other Injurable Body Parts
For many, many seasons the Devils managed to avoid the significant injury bug. We snickered at teams like Washington and Philly when they’d rack up the Man Games Lost to Injury in what seemed to be the quadruple digits, but now it seems the tables have turned. The puck wasn’t even dropped on the season before we lost stalwart defenseman Colin White to a freak eye injury and Jamie Langenbrunner to a lingering sports hernia (we don’t believe losing Cam Janssen to a shoulder injury is really something to lose sleep over). With players skipping practice left and right with “tight groins” and “sore groins” and “overall groinal unhappiness”, we can’t be blamed for starting to worry. Lou’s gone on the record previously saying he prefers not to practice his players much for fear of injury. We can’t help but think that Sutter disagrees with this policy. Will Sutter’s Reign of Toughness take its toll? Will the freak injury bug continue its swath of destruction through the Devils dressing room? Will Brian Gionta “pull his groin” while falling awkwardly arm/wrist/shoulder-first into the boards again this season? Only time will tell, but from where we’re sitting, the spectre of the team’s health is looking pretty monstrous.
GOD: Zach Parise
The only thing monstrous about this player is his work ethic! Thank you, we’ll be here all season! Seriously, there is no reason to expect Parise to do anything but build on his star-making series against Tampa, particularly if the lines stay as they currently are set — there’s a lot of punky nose-for-the-net, hard-working mojo on a Parise/Zajac/Gionta line and we’re looking forward to seeing Sutter winding ‘em up and letting ‘em go. That said, we have a lot of faith in all six of our top fowards (well, five if we take into account Langer’s trick groin) that if the lines get shuffled, there won’t be the whining and feet-dragging we’ve seen in the past. Not with a guy like Parise trying to prove he’s future-captain material!
MONSTER: Kowtowing to Any Perceptions that the Team was Weak by Responding with an Increased Inclination to Fight Needless, Momentum-Killing Fights
Hm, that sort of says it all, doesn’t it? While the team was undoubtedly pushed around last season, seeing the first pre-season game marred by a steady stream of losing fist-fights made us wonder what the point of being tougher is if all you do is stop the game to see a scrub like Janssen get pummeled. We’d rather see the team respond by putting Clarkson out to crash the net instead of wasting ice time on an ineffectual enforcer like Janssen.
GOD? MONSTER? WE DAREN’T BREATHE A WORD!: Goaltending
We refuse to tempt the hockey gods by saying anything that might adversely affect what has been, for the last 15 years, the key to the Devils success. We just want to send a solemn, sincere wish into the hockey ether that we get more of the same from Marty.
In summation, we think this is a team that is going to be a lot stronger as the season wears on (barring those injurable body parts getting injured, of course) than they might be at the outset. They’ve got a new system, new coach, some new key players, and will be in a new building. But they built some momentum as the preseason games wore on, and we’re reasonably confident that they’re not going to stumble right out of the gate. The blueline looks soft on paper, but it was a D-by-committee last year, too, and while there aren’t a ton of big names back there for us, there is a collection of at least competent players. The absence of Langenbrunner is clearly not something to be thrilled about, but looking on the bright side, it gives some kids a chance to prove themselves. The Devils might not be an obvious powerhouse, but we don’t think they’ve plummeted onto hard times. It is, instead, a new age of gods and monsters!

Great preview Ookies. I hope Zach does you proud and Pando gets re promoted and Paulie keeps wearing those adorable glasses. Plus from a selfish standpoint, I hope Travis racks up the points and does me proud in fantasy league. I had popped on here to take a break from writing about Mesopotamian Gods and Monsters. It was rather funny to see your post title.
We’re just trying to stay attuned to your academic whims, alix! I also hope Travis racks up the points! Or, in his case, the acorns.
The Mesopotamians revered acorns, thinking they held the secrets of the universe. Half of Hammurabi’s Code is just “1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12 — acorns“.
I love this Gods and Monsters format. So precise and pure. My DVR is all cued up for the Devils. Bring ‘em on!
My DVR is all cued up for the Devils. Bring ‘em on!
I really hope they put on a show for you!
Hee! I’m totally going to accidently mention acorns now in my essay tomorrow. I need to buy center ice so I can watch the devils! Although first I guess I actually need to buy a tv.
I’m totally going to accidently mention acorns now in my essay tomorrow.
My friends and I in high school used to pick random words and challenge each other to work them into every essay. Senior year the word was “squeegee”. I now challenge, you alix, to work “acorn” into every essay you write!
I’m guessing the other folks in the student lounge wouldn’t be interested in turning on the Devils? :)
Nice preview! I feel like I know the team now.
And Langenbrunner’s trick groin? I’m intrigued!
Center Ice certainly doesn’t have its shit together considering the madness starts tomorrow. I finally see the channels on my program guide, but nowhere online can I find a schedule. How am I supposed to meticulously plan my week of DVRing?
How am I supposed to meticulously plan my week of DVRing?
On the satellite the sports schedule for each day isn’t posted until midnight. May I suggest you plan your DVRing the IPB Way?
Step 1: Print out the entire league’s schedule.
Step 2: Highlight each important team’s games in a different color.
Step 3: Install enough DVRs to handle the work load (in IPB’s case: 2).
Step 4. Alternate nights with a different person each night picking up the schedule and reading aloud with much enthusiasm what’s on the docket for the next 9 days or so. Make sure the person being read to isn’t listening at all, meaning the next night, that person can be just as enthusiastic about the upcoming games.
And Langenbrunner’s trick groin? I’m intrigued!
Yeah, it was all very intriguing and alluring until the words “out 8-10 weeks after sports hernia surgery” came into play. Then it was a bad type of trick groin.
Your DVR scheduling sounds delightful! I will accept your challenge Pookie.
“The Egyptian pharaohs were mummified and then buried with acorns so they could count in the afterlife.”
I think it sounds highly probable. And no, I doubt they’d wanna watch the Devils. Mostly Flames and Oilers fans around here. I might have to put my best Pronger elbow to use.
“The Egyptian pharaohs were mummified and then buried with acorns so they could count in the afterlife.”
I’m sure Earl or Frisby could procure some “historical” evidence of hieroglyphics showing the ancient Waldorfmarna practice of acorn counting.
Hee! That would be kick ass.
Bucci hasn’t responded to my correspondence. I think he’s stunned by my logic and faith. Or my disregard for Chris Drury. One or the other.
Bucci’s been too busy waiting for us to finish our Devils preview so he could crib off of us to write any correspondence. Right now he’s trying to find a “gods and monsters” themed song lyric to tack onto the beginning of this post to claim it as his own.
Bucci hasn’t responded to my correspondence.
I’m stunned! Stunned! Eh, he’ll probably just say, “Dear Heather, I slept with Shjon Poedein, what did you ever do? Love, Bucci.”
By the way, the season can now officially start. Schnookie just picked up the schedule, read off the pertinent games for the next 5 days, and I didn’t hear a word she said! Woo-hoo!
“Dear Heather, I slept with Shjon Poedein, what did you ever do? Love, Bucci.”
You forget the “But not SLEPT with slept with” part.
You forget the “But not SLEPT with slept with” part.
Right, right, sorry!
By the way, the season can now officially start. Schnookie just picked up the schedule, read off the pertinent games for the next 5 days, and I didn’t hear a word she said! Woo-hoo!
Yay! I’ll be working tomorrow and Thursday but I took Friday and Saturday off so I wouldn’t miss our opening weekend. I’m wondering if the grocery store will notice if I request off every game day. I think that still leaves me plenty of time to work!
Yay! I’m so excited to watch a season with my favorite player decided. I was a favorite slut before, I could never pick just one. I’m so glad I heard Matty O humming way down at that end of the ice. Hmm, now what to buy for my opening night?
Well, all of my ballooning optimism for the Devils has tuckered me out. It’s time for me to go to bed! See you all tomorrow! Sweet dreams of little Devils gods and monsters, all!
Hee, did you all hear what Brian Burke said about Kevin Lowe in the TSN season preview?
“If I had run my team into the sewer like that I wouldn’t throw a grenade at the other 29 teams and my own indirectly.”
Night Schnookie!
‘Night all!
Yikes, alix. Burke’s not afraid to burn bridges, is he?
“If I had run my team into the sewer like that I wouldn’t throw a grenade at the other 29 teams and my own indirectly.”
Well done Brian! Good show!
32 games against the Flyers, Rangers, Penguins and Islanders is not a good thing.
Just remember that for every 16 against the Rags and the Flyers, you have 8 against Sid and the Pens. That at least offsets some of the karmic injustice of having to play the Rags and Flyers so many times…I think.
The Atlantic is going to be really fun to watch this year :x
oh Burke… i actually, in some small teensy bit of me feel bad that no one went to Edmonton.. or like they got snubbed. so =( poor lowe. a little.
Great season preview! I too think the news of the Devils demise has been greatly exagerated.
As for Bucci, I tell ya’ I just don’t have the time or energy to get a good hate going for him anymore. He’s not a great hockey writer, but there are far worse than him out there. Look at the Hockey News.
All I ever get from the Hockey News is crappy editorials, Devils hate, and news that is a month late. I am hoping that I get a call from the Hockey News about why I am not renewing my subscription this year.
Now having semi-defended Bucci, I have to say he is an idiot regarding the Buffalo thing. To wit: Bucci went on at legnth about the signing of Briere being horrible for Philly. He pointed out that in historical context, Briere’s numbers are more than likely to go down. Then berates the Sabres for not locking Briere to a long term contract! If Briere is such a risky long term thing, why is it a bad thing that Buffalo didn’t try to lock him up to a long term contract?
Memo to Bucci: Read your own previews!
Memo to Bucci: Read your own previews!
He tries to read his own previews but every time he goes, “This sucks! I’m never reading this clown again!” As for the Hockey News, I’m enternally grateful to Schnookie for putting her foot down on THN over 4 years ago.
By the way, sorry Morgan, that your comments gotten eatten by Senor Spam the other day. The jury’s still out on breaking up Madden and Pando. It’s on the other hand terrifying to think of them not playing together (and having a Pandoless PK) but on the other, it’s really terrifying to think they’d stay together and be as ineffectual as they were against Ottawa.
I love your preview. Is it Thursday yet? No? Crap!
Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go…
Hey Frisby! I was thinking about you when I was looking at Mason’s new mask. It’s pretty slick!
Nice preview -ookies :)
Come on, Mags, don’t tell me about a slick new mask without showing me a picture. ;)
I was thinking about you when I was looking at Mason’s new mask. It’s pretty slick!
I really like Luongo’s new mask, btw. And that’s kind of strange, since I’m not fond of the guy himself.
Nevermind, Mags, I found them.
If it was a snake it would have done bit me.
Oh, and here‘s the link to Luongo’s mask, or at least the picture of it that I liked. Not only is the angry lumberjack a good link back to the team’s logo history, but it’s an innovative way to frame a picture on the physical mask itself.
I wonder how much Luongo got paid to put ‘Rbk’ on his forehead.
Come on, Mags, don’t tell me about a slick new mask without showing me a picture. ;)
Sorry, I was making dinner. I’m glad you found the pictures regardless :)
I wonder how much Luongo got paid to put ‘Rbk’ on his forehead.
Not enough.
Isn’t it awesome? (Louie’s mask) I love the angry Johnny Canuck. I’m just not sure the colors will match the new jersey but I only have to wait until friday to find out!
I wonder how much Luongo got paid to put ‘Rbk’ on his forehead.
Not enough.
Well, it wasn’t enough to buy any vowels, that seems to be true.
I’m just not sure the colors will match the new jersey but I only have to wait until friday to find out!
That’s cool, Alix. Take a few extra days of camp. The Ducks are always available to truncate their summer for silly scheduling. Friday will be Anaheim’s fourth game of the season–what’s taking you so long?
I’m just not sure the colors will match the new jersey
Phooey, that’s overrated. As long as it pseudo matches your pads I’m good with it. I’m not too uni-picky though.
Hee. Oh poor Earl and his exhausted fighter ducks. I’ll take your goalie word for it Mags. It does seem to match the pads.
Friday will be Anaheim’s fourth game of the season–what’s taking you so long?
What’s with the Eastern Conference taking so long to get started? It’s really wreaking havoc with my matchup with McCrotch’s Marauders! I’ve got one guy playing tonight and her whole roster is working on their third game.
Yes, poor, poor Earl’s Ducks.
Alix, don’t blindly take my word for anything :P It’s just my opinion. I just don’t particularly care if masks match your shirt because here, goalies wear different sweaters from the players during games. Most goalies have 3 or 4 different ones, so
it’s a futile exercise to try to match. Even in the NHL with just 2 different shirts it’s sort of useless. The general idea, sure, but beyond that I’m not too picky.
I’ve randomly moved up to first in the rankings in Amazing League. Get used to it :p
Yeah right alix, your meatballs are gonns get burned. Haha! Yeah! I kill myself!
Earl, I just watched the Sharkie video that PJ posted over on BoC. That is hilarious!
Earl, I just watched the Sharkie video that PJ posted over on BoC. That is hilarious!
That was hilarious. I have no idea what the context really was, but I’m thinking more mascots need to get on their Segways and in the streets! Grass-roots marketing!
What’s with the Eastern Conference taking so long to get started?
I’m not a fan of this staggered start thing that the league has going on. Excluding the Kings/Ducks game this past weekend, why is it that a good chunk of the league is starting tonight, yet some teams aren’t starting until Friday?
I’m not a fan of this staggered start thing that the league has going on.
Yeah! I liked that first opening night after the lockout when EVERY team had a game.
I’m not a fan of this staggered start thing that the league has going on.
Me neither. Just throw it at us damnit, we’ll deal.
“I’m thinking more mascots need to get on their Segways and in the streets!”
For sure! Sharkie is a great PR man, he’s always riding that thing around the parking lot at the Tank, entertaining tailgaters.
Ohhhh, speaking of….I hear the Sharks top two lines opening night are gonna be Marleau-Thornton-Cheechoo and Michalek-Mitchell-Setoguchi. That’s sooo Effing awesome. They’re going to skate circles around Edmonton.
“Yeah! I liked that first opening night after the lockout when EVERY team had a game.”
That was one of the happiest days of ever. SO much fun…
why is it that a good chunk of the league is starting tonight, yet some teams aren’t starting until Friday?
It’s not even a good chunk. Four games tonight, one of which flew from London to do it. I don’t really mind that the Ducks have to play tonight, but I would have liked it better if more teams were playing. It seems silly to have four teams per conference play and make one of them be a team that’s already 2 games in and travel-weary.
They’re going to skate circles around Edmonton.
I think you’re thinking of the Ice Capades. ;P
“I think you’re thinking of the Ice Capades. ;P”
mmm hmm. Whatever Patty!
Hey, wasn’t your “reason I love hockey” all about skating? Maybe you’re the Ice Capades thinker! Yeah, take that!
Maybe you’re the Ice Capades thinker! Yeah, take that!
Ouch! Got me!
Maybe it’s Edmonton that will resemble the Ice Capades!
Take that, nobody in particular!
That was one of the happiest days of ever. SO much fun…
Side note: the people in Colorado are going to be the happiest people ever this Sunday. The Avs, Broncos and Rockies are all playing, and the Avs moved their start time so people theoretically could go to all three games. Now that would be a fun day.
HAHA! Did anyone read Martle’s season preview today? It’s really good, lot’s of oddball/against the grain type picks. My favorite was his take on Phoenix:
“…This is hockey’s worst roster since Dick Tarnstrom led the Penguins in scoring in 2003-04, and will be one of the worst teams on the ice in the past decade. It’s a tanking of the first order, one where Shane Doan is the only player who had more than 33 points last season. This team won’t win 20 games this season. Key player: Tavares”
Key Player: Tavares! HA!
Key Player: Tavares! HA!
Heh, I totally missed that last dig. Nice catch!
Ohhh… Martle! Nice one! That is TOO funny!
Key player: Tavares
*gigglesnort* Oh Martle, you crack me up.
And what’s this I read, Tampa has no starting goalie picked out? That could be interesting.
Tampa has no starting goalie picked out? That could be interesting.
Hopefully they’ve been paying attention to the Rangers this summer. Flipping a puck is always a good method for difficult decisions.
Hopefully they’ve been paying attention to the Rangers this summer. Flipping a puck is always a good method for difficult decisions.
Here’s to hoping they have. Surely flipping a puck is much less anxiety inducing than actually making a decision. More assy and pretentious, but less stressful. And if it all tanks, just blame lady luck.
Tampa has no starting goalie picked out? That could be interesting.
As I recall, they barely had a starting goalie picked out during the playoffs. Or rather, they put a guy in net, but it’s debatable whether he could be called a goalie.
As I recall, they barely had a starting goalie picked out during the playoffs.
I remember that, but I sorta figured that would be a thing they’d fix during the off season. Apparently I was wrong.
Looks as though the pressure on RBK from the players to fix the uniforms is working…sort of…
http://www.tsn.ca/tsn_talent/columnists/darren_dreger/?ID=219766
I sorta figured that would be a thing they’d fix during the off season. Apparently I was wrong.
Wait, I’m confused. Are you still talking about the Lightning, or have I started talking about the Kings?
Looks as though the pressure on RBK from the players to fix the uniforms is working…sort of…
Hell, it’s a start.
Wait, I’m confused. Are you still talking about the Lightning, or have I started talking about the Kings?
I think the conversation applies to both teams.
“Hell, it’s a start.”
Interesting that they are admitting to a complete disregard of the complaints made by the leagues fighters.
Interesting that they are admitting to a complete disregard of the complaints made by the leagues fighters.
They’re taking the same approach I am — “Wait, the shitty design of these sweaters actually injured Cam Janssen? Significantly? EXCELLENT! These sweaters ROCK!”
They’re taking the same approach I am — “Wait, the shitty design of these sweaters actually injured Cam Janssen? Significantly? EXCELLENT! These sweaters ROCK!”
I know! I’m like, “Hey, Rbk, can you make all of Janssen’s street clothes, too?”
Here at my office a different person each day has to send out an email detailing who’s in the building when and any notable events going on. Today’s “Heads Up” email started with this tidbit:
“On Oct. 3rd, 2001, ESPN embarked on it’s 10th year of broadcasting hockey. But we’re all sure Eleanor already knew that!”
I somehow refrained from sending a response back to the entire library staff ranting about ESPN’s relationship with the NHL.
“On Oct. 3rd, 2001, ESPN embarked on it’s 10th year of broadcasting hockey. But we’re all sure Eleanor already knew that!”
Heh heh, oops, I meant “but we’re all sure [Pookie] already knew that!”. Sorry. Just, uh, disregard the man behind the curtain…
Wait, who is this “Eleanor”??? What does she have to do with ESPN? I’m confused.
Ha! All that rage about Bucci and lighting my eyeballs on fire, and he puts the Canucks as the second best team in the west. Still a no talent ass clown though.
Wait, who is this “Eleanor”??? What does she have to do with ESPN? I’m confused.
Whoever she is, she sucks at writing comments that make sense. You should fire her.
Hee. That email got me so confused. It should have been easy enough to figure out.
Whoever she is, she sucks at writing comments that make sense. You should fire her.
I say we give her another chance!
Whoever she is, she sucks at writing comments that make sense. You should fire her.
She’s employed? Where did we go wrong?!
I thought only cars were named >Eleanor.
Hey look! Frisby’s comment is the number of games in the regular season. Hurrah! Anyways, I’m a little sleep deprieved. Don’t mind me.
Woo-hoo!
Oh, this does not look good. Are the Devils so desperate for defense that Lou is picking up Blue Jacket castaways?
Maybe Lou just figures it’s been a long time since he had a reclamation project?
Frisby, you hadn’t seen that yet? I figure it’s just a thug to temporarily replace Cam. And hell, if he turns out ok maybe Cam will never come back (now I’ve surely jinxed it, but wth)
Are the Devils so desperate for defense that Lou is picking up Blue Jacket castaways?
If you are asking whether it is possible to upgrade from Vitaly Vishnevski, I’ll offer a meager “yes”.
Brookbank sounds like he’d be a shady conspirer with Haines and Kibblehouse. He’d spy on Crunchy and Poomerdoodle for the evil Mr. Haines.
I figure it’s just a thug to temporarily replace Cam.
Oh, he’s a fighter? I was wondering why the hell we would get somebody with 204 pim’s, but I guess those 5 minute majors add up pretty quickly.
Damn that Brookbank! Always spying! (Of course, he’s incompetent, so he’s always getting caught, but still…)
(Of course, he’s incompetent, so he’s always getting caught, but still…)
Evil Mr. Haines: Brooook-BANK!
Dude, if Brookbank plays on the big club at all, I am never NOT going to be shouting, “Brooooook-BANK!”
I was thinking the same thing, Schnookie! I’m suddenly hoping he makes the team. The neighbors are like, “We’re not!”
I hear the Sharks top two lines opening night are gonna be Marleau-Thornton-Cheechoo and Michalek-Mitchell-Setoguchi.
Oooh… How many starts at a different position before Yahoo changes a players position status? Because having Cheechoo eligible at C and W might help in my never-ending “What the hell do I do with rat-face Niedermayer?” dilemma.
Still no response from Bucci. How disappointing! I guess he doesn’t answer emails any more meaty than, “Hey, is that Ice Bowl thing gonna be on TV?”
Still no response from Bucci.
I’m a bit behind, Heather. What did you write him? Was it something that sort of demanded a response?
Still no response from Bucci.
Maybe he’s saving it for the next column’s mailbag.
Sorry, that first part should have been in italics.
@@@@
Anyone else notice all the ex-Devils who are now captains of other teams:
Guerin – Islanders
Arnott- Preds
Jason Smith – Flyers
Holik – Thrashers
Now if we only had a captain of our own…
Maybe it could be… “Boooook-BANK!”
“How many starts at a different position before Yahoo changes a players position status? Because having Cheechoo eligible at C and W might help in my never-ending “What the hell do I do with rat-face Niedermayer?” dilemma.”
First of all, HA! Rat-face Niedermayer! I love it!
B) Cheechoo will never play Center. Look for Marleau to be the one switching up between C and W.
and D) Yahoo will tell you when you can have a multi-position player. Kinda like the IR, one day you look at your roster, and all of a sudden you can play certain guys in other positions.
I’m a bit behind, Heather. What did you write him? Was it something that sort of demanded a response?
No, it doesn’t really demand a response at all. I have gotten short responses from him in the past though so I was kind of hoping for something. It was just a repsonse to his commentary about the Sabres in his season preview, primarily his calling the Regier/Golisano management mediocre because they didn’t re-sign Briere and Drury. I could go on and on so I’ll just stop at that unless you really want to know all the ways this is a ridiculous statement.
Also, he picked Toronto to finish ahead of us! TORONTO!
Maybe he’s saving it for the next column’s mailbag.
It’s rather long, it’s somewhat critical of Chris Drury, and it doesn’t mention his new book even once… so I’m thinking probably not.
“and it doesn’t mention his new book even once… ”
Saddest part is that it’s not even his book. It’s Keith “look at me! I’m friends with the ESPN hockey guys” Jones’ book. Keith Jones! yeah, that’s gonna be a real page turner.
B) Cheechoo will never play Center. Look for Marleau to be the one switching up between C and W.
I actually meant Marleau since he’s the one on my team. Sorry.
I was just wondering if there was a set number of games. In the baseball leagues Yahoo adds new positions once a player has five starts in that position. I shall await the moment anxiously!
Anyone else notice all the ex-Devils who are now captains of other teams:
We almost made this one of the Reasons We Love Hockey — ex-Devils being made captains elsewhere. It seems like 4 is a small number, though, doesn’t it? I’m not sure what Atlanta is thinking on the Holik front. I mean, her? Really?
Keith Jones is a bit of a hero in IPB folklore, as our very first search term was “Keith Jones Versus”. We decided it had to be Jonsey himself because, seriously, who else would Google that?
“I actually meant Marleau since he’s the one on my team. Sorry.”
That’s cool! I figured as much, but I thought maybe you had Cheech on another team or something.
As for Yahoo, I don’t know if they have a specific number of games or what. It seems random to me…
It seems random to me…
No kidding. It’s like they get their initial positions from their rookie cards or something. I drafted Petr Sykora as a center, and I don’t even know if the guy has played 10 games at center over the past 5 years.
I don’t know about 5 games or anything, but once teams start playing the positions should get adjusted to reflect reality a bit more. It’s nice, because they usually won’t drop any of the old position designations, just add more correct information and thus more flexibility.
I don’t know where they get their original designations from anyway. Elias played LW almost the whole entire season last year but he is still listed as a C. It kind of screwed me up during one of my drafts this year because I saw that I had 2/2 C and 1/2 RW but 0/2 LW. So I hit the LW section of available players and it did not look like much was left. I could have had Elias but did not realize it. I ended up picking Parise though, I hear he isn’t that bad. :P
Yeah, I played in a league last year where you started with one real team and the Sabres had about a bajillion centers. Guys who haven’t centered since college or the juniors were listed as C and only C. It was annoying. It did right itself pretty quickly though so I’ll sit patiently. (For now.)
Hey, while were on the subject, I need a bit of advice for my final RW spot in my non-IPB league. If you guys don’t mind throwing your two cents in.
So, it’s a roto league, for those who are unfamiliar, every position is capped at 82 games. So this being my bench RW, he’s not as important as my starters, since he won’t see much time unless someone gets hurt or goes on a nasty cold streak.
Right now I’ve got Patrick Kane, but I can’t decide on whether or not to keep him. Here’s my watch list for replacements:
Bernier (SJ)
Radulov (NSH)
Penner (EDM)
Stempniak (STL)
Ryan (ANH)
Stafford (BUF)
What do you all think? Should I leave him? Would you snag one of these guys? I was gonna just let a few games go by and see, but IPB’s input is a powerful tool!
Staffy! Staffy! Staffy!
Seriously, I would atleast keep an eye on him. There’s rumblings that he might get some time on the first line with Derek and Van and he was great with them last season and this preseason.
Otherwise I got nothing.
Radulov (NSH)
Penner (EDM)
Stafford (BUF)
I’ll shorten your list; how’s that? I’ll listen to Heather B. on Staffy, but as for the other two I’ve left they are almost guaranteed top line duty, and will have decent linemates, I think.
“There’s rumblings that he might get some time on the first line with Derek and Van…”
Oh, I know that!! I’m thinking he’s going to top 30 goals this season. He’s up there on my list for sure.
thanks Heather
“the other two I’ve left they are almost guaranteed top line duty, and will have decent linemates, I think.”
True, true. It’s a tough call. I wonder if Kane is even gonna pan out, y’know?
I’d go with Stempniak. I think I’ve hear he likes to read. That’s good enough for me.
I wonder if Kane is even gonna pan out, y’know?
I get major “not going to pan out” vibes from him, but I’m pretty reliably always wrong about stuff like that!
I wonder if Kane is even gonna pan out, y’know?
I’m not huge on prospects, so I barely know who this kid is. I bet he pans out his first year out of Chicago, though.
I’ll vote for Radulov. (I accidentally added an “e” to the end when I first typed that – Radulove – the “new” Radar Love for the “new” NHL. Yeah, I have no idea what I’m blathering about at this point.)
I seem to be on a musical theme today…
Langenbrunner’s trick groin reminds me of Paul Simon’s “One Trick Pony”.
True, true. It’s a tough call. I wonder if Kane is even gonna pan out, y’know?
I hope he will. He did well in juniors last year. I don’t think he’ll be another Crosby right away, but the potential is there.
He’s also another member of the “young kid living in the older teammates’ basement club.” The news mentioned that he’s living in Kevyn Adams’ basement in Chicago. One Buffalo boy taking care of another.
On an unrelated aside, if anyone wants to celebrate the start of the hockey season vicariously through us, we broke into our fancy chocolates last night, and documented it on IPB Eats. I wish the NHL season started every night, so I’d have a reason to eat those chocolates year-round.
Radulov has a good chance to make scoring line#2 with Legwand and Erat but as far as the #1 line, it looks like JP Dumont (RW) and Arnott (C) are conjoined at the hip. I drafted Radulov myself as a backup RW in roto-league but dropped him when I saw Zubrus (who is listed as a RW) was available.
I wish the NHL season started every night, so I’d have a reason to eat those chocolates year-round.
Geeze, the season starting twice this year isn’t enough for you! ;)
“I’m not huge on prospects, so I barely know who this kid is.”
#1 draft pick, 2007. He’s going to be really, really good. But he’s also really young.
“I bet he pans out his first year out of Chicago, though.”
Zing!
“…but as far as the #1 line, it looks like JP Dumont (RW) and Arnott (C) are conjoined at the hip.”
Holy crap! they’ve got Dumont on their #1 line this year?! Ouch!
Don’t get me wrong, I like the guy…but top line winger?
Holy crap! they’ve got Dumont on their #1 line this year?! Ouch!
Don’t get me wrong, I like the guy…but top line winger?
I was more horrified by their top-line center, to be honest.
I just clicked on that link about the Reebok jersey modifications and at the bottom they have a list of old posts by Dreger. I chortled (and guffawed) when I saw a post entitled “Neidermayer decision coming soon”…. dated August 29th.
“I was more horrified by their top-line center, to be honest.”
Well, yeah.
I was still in fantasy hockey mode, got tons of centers and Dumont is still available too…. I just didn’t think he’d be on the top line. It just disoriented me for a sec. Not that that’s hard to do.
Geeze, the season starting twice this year isn’t enough for you! ;)
Yeah, it really cheapens this whole trip to London if it’s not even going to be recognized as the start of the season. Sheesh.
I was more horrified by their top-line center, to be honest.
Meh, at least Arnott’s won a cup as a top-line center. All Dumont’s won is an arbitration decision.
“Neidermayer decision coming soon”…. dated August 29th.
It’s probably coming sooner than JR’s 500th.
Well last year was Dumont’s best yet and he was playing with Arnott. If I were you, I would pick him up and just put Radulov on the ‘watch list’ for now.
“Neidermayer decision coming soon”…. dated August 29th.
It’s probably coming sooner than JR’s 500th.
Let’s hope so. It would be so sweet if he didn’t get the what, five? goals he needs.
“If I were you, I would pick him up and just put Radulov on the ‘watch list’ for now.”
I don’t know man, Kane is supposed to be a front runner for the Calder. If he starts out strong, I might just leave him be.
I do this every year. I think one of my teams last year had, like, 40 moves or something rediculous.
“Let’s hope so. It would be so sweet if he didn’t get the what, five? goals he needs.”
You hush, Patty! I am praying those 5 goals come quickly and painlessly. Here’s to a November retirement!
Congrats on the chocolates, Schnookie! I’m still trying to decide what to stop for on the way home for the game tonight. I’m still leaning toward my favorite chips and queso, but I might need some pasta from the hole-in-the-wall pizza place by my house. Both are good for special occasions.
Sorry, andrew, but anything that keeps JR out of the broadcast booth I am all for.
I am praying those 5 goals come quickly and painlessly. Here’s to a November retirement!
It would be even sweeter if he still doesn’t have the 5 goals and gives up by November anyway!
Maybe he’ll develop migraines from trying to keep his mouth shut for a whole month.
So I saw this word..”morganatic” and I thought of IPB commentor Morgan. I thought it might be cook if it was a word that could be used to describe Morgan (like Morgan-ism) so I looked up the meaning…
“of, relating to, or being a marriage between a member of a royal or noble family and a person of inferior rank in which the rank of the inferior partner remains unchanged and the children of the marriage do not succeed to the titles, fiefs, or entailed property of the parent of higher rank”
Yeah. So. I have no idea what to make of that but…
I do this every year. I think one of my teams last year had, like, 40 moves or something rediculous.
I have the opposite problem. I’m afraid to move anybody, even if I don’t particularly care about them. Out of fear they’ll suddenly go crazy.
Me and Martle are on a break. He said calgary is better than Vancouver on his season preview. Whatever. Calgary blows. I like Kane a lot but it’s kind of scary how much pressure they’re putting on that kid.
“Sorry, andrew, but anything that keeps JR out of the broadcast booth I am all for.”
It’ll be a Brett Hullesque flameout once he actually gets into the booth. Just a hunch.
“Maybe he’ll develop migraines from trying to keep his mouth shut for a whole month.”
Now that’s funny.
Me and Martle are on a break.
:^::::::::
It’ll be a Brett Hullesque flameout once he actually gets into the booth. Just a hunch.
Oh, my gosh, I hope so.
” I’m afraid to move anybody, even if I don’t particularly care about them. ”
I’m always big on picking up unknowns and prospects before anyone else. Unfortunately that only works on occasion. Last year it worked out when I ended up drafting Vanek and Malkin.
“I like Kane a lot but it’s kind of scary how much pressure they’re putting on that kid.”
I think Toews is getting more pressure than Kane in Chicago. Seems like he’s going to be playing in Toews’ shadow a little bit. That could actually end up helping his numbers along. But then again, I don’t freakin’ know.
Brett Hull can vouch for the fact that saying controversial things in soundbite form doesn’t necessarily translate when you have 2 minutes to explain your point.
Can’t just say, “The NHL is stupid,” and walk away while everybody gasps at your profundity.
In the booth, it’s, “The NHL is stupid ” *crickets* *sweating*
And it’s back to being “special assistant to the GM.”
I’m always big on picking up unknowns and prospects before anyone else.
I did really well with Corey Stillman and J-S Giguere years ago, when nobody cared about them (including me).
I have unknowns on my team, but they’re mainly unknown to me.
I did pick up Anton Volchenkov in my other league. He seemed have some good stats last year. Right?
That’s a good point Andrew, I forgot about Toews. Anybody know anything about John Garret? Apparantly he predicts the Nucks will win the Cup. But I’m guessing he must be a Bucci like nobody, because they’re the only ones that ever pick the Canucks.
“I did pick up Anton Volchenkov in my other league. He seemed have some good stats last year. Right?”
The A-Train is a great defenseman, in real life. Fantasywise, not so much…He doesn’t rack up points (under 20 every year), and he doesn’t rack up PIMs (under 70 every year).
If there were a stat category for blocked shots or hits, he’s be way up there. But otherwise he’s a smart defensive defenseman, something that doesn’t translate to fantasy hockey.
Anybody know anything about John Garret?
I know I don’t like him. Does that help?
He’s an ex-goalie. I don’t have anything against goalies, but there are a couple in broadcasting, Garret, Millen, I’m talking to you!! that I find highly annoying.
That reminds me, what the hell ever happened to Darren Pang?
You guys! Bucci put up his predictions for the top 5 in the East!!!
And guess what? He uses the entire Rangers (#4) review to talk about why Chris Drury is the greatest thing since slice bread!
It’s so awesome, and also, he quotes The Boss. Wow.
Isn’t Pang doing Coyotes broadcasting stuff?
It’s so awesome, and also, he quotes The Boss. Wow.
I think he spends more words on the E street band than he does the Devils.
Thanks Icing. Apparantly, he said the Canucks would win their division last year when everybody was saying they wouldn’t make the playoffs. So I’m going to say he’s an evil genius! I like Bucci right now because he said Canucks were seond in the west. Still can’t read him without screaming though. Dude, doesn’t surprise me about Drury, but it’s not like he’s freakin Joe Sakic. Get over it Bucci! Drury is average!
“I think he spends more words on the E street band than he does the Devils.”
Yeah, killer review.
Remember back in his NHL2Night days? Didn’t he used to name drop and reference mroe obscure bands? I seem to remember him talking about bands like Yo La Tengo and Death Cab for Cutie. Look at these bands! The Boss, Elton John, Carly Simon, Johnny Cougar!?! He’s either losing taste in music or just getting lazy.
Isn’t Pang doing Coyotes broadcasting stuff?
I guess that’s why I haven’t seen him around. It’s a shame though, I always liked the Panger.
He’s Yzerman’s best friend, he must be ok :)
Ugh, just turned on a season preview show and saw Healy – another one of my least fave broadcasters – and a goalie!
However, I love Kelly Hrudey!!!
And guess what? He uses the entire Rangers (#4) review to talk about why Chris Drury is the greatest thing since slice bread!
Wait, Bucci likes Chris Drury?!
Hey, can someone send me a link? I can’t find his EC previews.
http://sports.espn.go.com/nhl/preview2007/columns/story?columnist=buccigross_john&id=3047708
Never mind. I found it.
Oh.
My.
God.
Bucci’s review of the Rangers was just… I don’t have the words. Does it make any sense if I say I was blind-sided by how predictable it was? (And I couldn’t read the rest because my eyeballs turned into little flaming piles of vomit.)
Did he seriously just use “Our Country”? Seriously?
But otherwise he’s a smart defensive defenseman, something that doesn’t translate to fantasy hockey.
But his plus-minus was, like, 30 last year. I put Sami Salo on IR for him. At least I think it was Volchenkov. I might be totally making that up.
Bucci’s review of the Rangers was just… I don’t have the words.
Oh sweet Moses. What a load of shit.
I especially love the way Bucci pats himself on the back for knowing about Drury back before he was the overpaid, overrated slag-faced whore he am today. Good for you, Bucci!
(And I couldn’t read the rest because my eyeballs turned into little flaming piles of vomit.)
I’m afraid to even look.
And, I’m afraid to see the smiley we get out of that. :D
Good for you, Bucci!
Dude! We all watched the Avs win the Cup! We’ve all moved on now.
Did he seriously just use “Our Country”? Seriously?
I have to quote Bill Simmons’ readers right now: “Wait, whose country is this?”
Dude! We all watched the Avs win the Cup! We’ve all moved on now.
But Bucci seemed to also watch the Flames and Sabres win the Cup, too.
I especially love the way Bucci pats himself on the back for knowing about Drury back before he was the overpaid, overrated slag-faced whore he am today. Good for you, Bucci!
But now he’ll never write about him because it won’t be cool anymore. (So what the hell is this garbage then?)
“But his plus-minus was, like, 30 last year.”
True, he did have a good +/-
I guess I usually just go for more rounded guys.
“But now he’ll never write about him because it won’t be cool anymore.”
I bet he’ll continue to write about washed up rockers like Max Weinberg though.
Reading the comments actually made me laugh. Check out these two:
“Could you rewrite the whole section on the Senators, now that Heatley’s resigned for six more years? kthx”
“Hey Buccigross, glad you’re so impressed with Letang for the Penguins, but he was sent to the AHL on Tuesday.”
Bucci, just don’t watch Drury take a face-off in the playoffs last year because he consistently got his ass smoked.
Darcy Regier doesn’t re-sign Drury: mediocre and arrogant
The Rangers sign Drury: geniuses, destined for the Cupt
Those comments are hilarious, andrew! I didn’t even think about that. Heather needs to copy and paste her letter into the comments.
I guess I usually just go for more rounded guys.
I think the more rounded guys have all been snapped up.
Also, I think Brodeur is much more to the Devils than Max Weinberg was to Bruce Springsteen. Because I had no idea he played for Springsteen. I just thought he was the overrated drummer on Conan.
Poor Sami on lonely IR! Speaking of IR, is Boyle listed as IR yet?
I started to read Bucci’s Rangers preview but I don’t think I can. I mean… “Our Country”? Our Country/ OUR COUNTRY?!? I don’t even have words for this.
My eyeballs just vomited up their own flaming eyeballs.
“Could you rewrite the whole section on the Senators, now that Heatley’s resigned for six more years? kthx”
“Hey Buccigross, glad you’re so impressed with Letang for the Penguins, but he was sent to the AHL on Tuesday.”
Pure gold.
is Boyle listed as IR yet?
Not as far as I know. Neither is Steve Sullivan, damnit.
My eyeballs just vomited up their own flaming eyeballs.
That’s awesome. I mean, it’s not awesome that that happened to you Pookie, but that’s a great line.
I mean, it’s not awesome that that happened to you Pookie
Yeah, the little kiddies here at the library weren’t too thrilled when it happened. “Mommy, what’s happening to that lady?” “It’s okay, little Bobby, she just read Bucci’s writing about Chris Drury.”
I still haven’t gotten past Point 2 of the Drury slurppage.
Y’all have convinced me. I am not enough of a masochist to go over and read Bucci’s top five East thing. Even though the Devils are in it.
(OUR COUNTRY? RANGERS? That’s almost as bad as… nope… I can’t think of anything as bad)
I still haven’t gotten past Point 2 of the Drury slurppage.
Wait, you’re reading it? I just looked to see what he was doing, then swept up the cinders that had once been my eyes and moved on.
swept up the cinders that had once been my eyes
Another good line.
“Could you rewrite the whole section on the Senators, now that Heatley’s resigned for six more years? kthx”
He DID rewrite it! I finally gave in and read it and he rambles on about the signing and everything. Hasn’t fixed the Letang thing though.
It really is bad. I skipped a lot of it. I did notice the peanut butter and bacon sandwich non-sequitor, though. Unbelieveable.
Dammit! Boyle is a slippery fox. Is Zubie projected to have a good year? I’m trying to upgrade my RW but I can’t decide between him and Kane.
John Buccigross is to my eyeballs as Mrs. O’Leary’s cow was to Chicago.
Is Zubie projected to have a good year?
Like Zubrus Zubie or Zubov Zubie? Because I’ve got Zubrus Zubie reservations. I mean, I love him in our lineup, but I’m not convinced he’s going to be that great from a fantasy standpoint.
He DID rewrite it!
Did he at least include “Hey, I was wrong before! My bad! Here’s the updated version”? Coz otherwise he’s totally cheating.
Oh, you said RW. I guess Zubov Zubie doesn’t really qualify. Sorry! My eyes are still a bit ashy, so I’m having trouble reading.
Just saw a clip of Pierre McGuire answering questions on “who is better X or Y”. One was Crosby vs. Phaneuf in the corner. Another was Lundqvist v. Brodeur. I didn’t catch the details (if there were any) but he said no question, Lundqvist. Just thought I’d throw that out there…
My hockey pool mag ranks Zubrus at 69 out of forwards. 60 pts. projected.
Another was Lundqvist v. Brodeur. I didn’t catch the details (if there were any) but he said no question, Lundqvist.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::
Pierre, how about we head into a corner and get you a big glass of Shut The Fuck Up with some Common Sense sprinkled on top.
Ha! Icing is going to start an Ookie meltdown. Mcguire what an ass clown. I actually forgot about the other Zubie. Hmm…fake GMing is hard.
“He DID rewrite it!”
Sort of. Did anyone read it before he changed it. All he did was change all of the “will Heatley?” questions to “what if Heatley had?” answers and put “Now, with the extension, it all becomes a moot point.” at the end.
What a lazy cack.
I didn’t catch the details (if there were any) but he said no question, Lundqvist.
Something we neglected to mention in this season preview (because we were both really braindead when we wrote this) was that there is NOTHING that gets a Devils team playing better than being underestimated. The second some pundit somewhere says they’re good, they get complacent and soft, but as long as no one’s talking about them, they get these ridiculous and productive chips on their shoulders. This is part of why I have high hopes for them this year — there are a lot of guys with a lot to prove in the line-up. So the more Pierre McGuire wants to dismiss Marty in favor of Lundqvist, the better.
All he did was change all of the “will Heatley?” questions to “what if Heatley had?” answers and put “Now, with the extension, it all becomes a moot point.” at the end.
What a lazy cack.
Seriously! IPB stands by our prediction that Heatley’s contract negotiations will be a distraction for the entire season! We made our prediction and we’re man enough to stick to it!
Pierre, how about we head into a corner and get you a big glass of Shut The Fuck Up with some Common Sense sprinkled on top.
Ha! I mean Lundqvist is pretty freakin sweet but come on now. It`s fucking Marty Brodeur.
there is NOTHING that gets a Devils team playing better than being underestimated. [...] So the more Pierre McGuire wants to dismiss Marty in favor of Lundqvist, the better.
Yeah, that’s why I was laughing. But seriously, Pierre, what are you ON?
It’s also Pierre Fucking McGuire.
“We made our prediction and we’re man enough to stick to it!”
Ha! You two can be all, “Heatley’s contract issues are making Spezza dive more, and look! Chris Neil is so distraught that he just slammed a guy into the boards from behind and then punched him in the head! What has the world come to? Damn you Heatley!”
I’m also hopeful that Heatley signing the big extension means he’ll avoid huge contract-year numbers.
Pierre, how about we head into a corner and get you a big glass of Shut The Fuck Up with some Common Sense sprinkled on top.
Is that coming soon as a Pay-Per-View event Mags? Because I’d pay to see that :)
Seriously! IPB stands by our prediction that Heatley’s contract negotiations will be a distraction for the entire season! We made our prediction and we’re man enough to stick to it!
The team will be distracted by the fact that they were all readly to be distracted by it and now they need to find a new excuse for why they’re playing poorly. So we wil still technically be right.
Pierre, how about we head into a corner and get you a big glass of Shut The Fuck Up with some Common Sense sprinkled on top.
He’d probably just spit it up. And:
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::
Ha! You two can be all, “Heatley’s contract issues are making Spezza dive more, and look! Chris Neil is so distraught that he just slammed a guy into the boards from behind and then punched him in the head!
Good one Andrew.
He DID rewrite it!
Sort of.
Yeah, I didn’t think it was possible, but Bucci somehow managed to change something he wrote to have less substance. I mean, not that I desperately want to read what he has to say about the Sens this year, but did he really just ramble on and on about something only to admit that it’s a moot point? And count it as a season preview? AND GET PAID FOR IT?!?
The flaming eyeballs are flowing like wine over here.
Is that coming soon as a Pay-Per-View event Mags? Because I’d pay to see that :)
One day Icing, one day.
He’d probably just spit it up.
Like hell he would.
I was at an NHL page today. There was a drop down menu at the bottom to list your favourite team. I noted that the default was “New Jersey Devils”. I thought that was an interesting default. Not alphabetical, not blank… but New Jersey Devils…IPB’s influence is spreading.
The flaming eyeballs are flowing like wine over here.
Nice one! :^::::::::::::::::::::
The team will be distracted by the fact that they were all readly to be distracted by it and now they need to find a new excuse for why they’re playing poorly. So we will still technically be right.
It is going to be hard for them without that built-in excuse, since it’s kind of not kosher to, when asked why the team is doing so poorly, just point across the room at Ray Emery.
Wait, you’re reading it?
I was trying to but I was so struck by the “Our Country” thing. For starters, it didn’t seem ironic. Secondly, I was gobsmacked that Bucci would deliberately remind readers of Bill Simmons while reading his column. WTF? Bucci doesn’t think he’s in SG’s league, does he?
Not alphabetical, not blank… but New Jersey Devils…IPB’s influence is spreading.
EX-cellent! (Oh, should I not mention here that if you spend enough time at IPB, our insidious cookies will brand you everywhere else you go as a pariah/Devils fan?)
Anybody know anything about Latendresse on Montreal? I’m agonizing over dropping him for Patrick Kane.
I think ANYTHING is an improvement over a Canadien. Okay, except a Coyote. Or an Islander. But still. You know what I mean.
“Anybody know anything about Latendresse on Montreal?”
I know that he had the best spat with Patrick Roy via tha media last year:
Roy: He’s not NHL caliber. The only reason he’s in the Montreal lineup is because he’s French-Canadian.
Lantendresse: That’s funny, I’m only 18, but Roy is the one acting like a child.
He clowned Roy pretty bad. It was hi-larious.
Anybody know anything about Latendresse on Montreal?
Nope. All I know is that Jordi thinks he’s slow, can’t throw a proper check and can’t skate backwards to save his life. None of which are valuable fantasy stats.
Hee, that`s kinda what I was thinking too, Schnookie. Still, I`m kinda paranoid he`ll have a monster year after I drop him. But Kane is being pimped like nothing else.
Ha! That is funny, Andrew. I kinda want to keep him just for that comment. I`m such a bad student, I should be studying for my mid terms but instead I`m migraneing over my fantasy line up.
Lantendresse: That’s funny, I’m only 18, but Roy is the one acting like a child.
I adore how every time Roy opens his mouth these days, someone’s there to smack him down. It’s like a teensy-tiny little bit of the Curse of Beating Brodeur. And a whole lot of Patrick Roy being an insufferable, stupid asshole.
I should be studying for my mid terms
WHAAAAA???? Midterms already?
“And a whole lot of Patrick Roy being an insufferable, stupid asshole.”
That pretty much sums it up.
And seriously, I wasn’t paraphrasing, that is what those guys said! How awesome of a smack down did that kid lay? He probably grew up idolizing Roy. Good for him.
Well my first one is in like a week and half I guess. And then I have two more much later in the month.
I should be studying for my mid terms
Me too. Really I should be sleeping because I have a test in the morning, but instead I’m awake and watching the Angels Red Sox series.
WHAAAAA???? Midterms already?
Yup.
I should’ve known better than to try to read Bucci’s latest after eating dinner. I hope Drury takes out a restraining order on him, that was quite the love letter.
I hope Drury takes out a restraining order on him, that was quite the love letter.
You know, now that you mention that, I wonder if that “I’m going to write about him less so that he doesn’t get overexposed” crap (and by the way, Bucci — too late) was something ESPN’s lawyers suggested he add after they read his original draft.
Meanwhile Gomez is rubbing his hands together with an evil grin saying, “Yesss, yessssss! All the attention is on Drury, nobody will notice me coasting back to my own zone or to the bench. Muwahahahahahahah”.
“nobody will notice me coasting back to my own zone or to the bench”
HA!
I also love Bucci ripping the Flyers for taking Briere on for too many years, then praising the Rangers for their long term signings in Drury and Gomer.
I just read an article about the Devils starting their season on the road and it contained the following quote:
The players have known about the trip since the schedule came out months ago.
Zach Parise joked that his DVD player and his portable PlayStation were packed and ready for use. He said nothing about clothes.
I can only assume, if pressed about the clothes, he would have responded indignantly, “Clothes? Clothes?! You think I pack my own clothes? What do I have a turtle-of-affairs for other than to make sure other people pack my clothes for me! For Heaven’s sake, man! What are you, daft?!”
All the attention is on Drury, nobody will notice me coasting back to my own zone or to the bench. Muwahahahahahahah
:^::::::::::::::::::::::
Pookie, your clothes comment reminds me, I said to my uncle, I hear Morrison will be dressing for the Canucks opener – he quipped back “I should hope so, I know you said the new uniforms aren’t very good, but still…” Har har. So perhaps you can also presume that ZP will play nekkid.
BTW, I’m watching Anaheim v. Detroit right now, this is BS, season has just started and I’m already watching a 3rd Ducks game! Sheesh!
First thing Rafalski does in his first shift during his first game for Detroit is fall on his ass. I love it.
All the attention is on Drury, nobody will notice me coasting back to my own zone or to the bench.
Oh MAN! You just made me figure out how the epic, hilarious melt-down is going to happen for them! Gomer and Jagr are going to collide while both coasting back to the bench, and we all know how catastrophic it is when Jagr and Gomer are involved in a physical confrontation of some kind (I mean, Jagr might DIE if he actually hit him, considering the damage done with just a near miss). They will both end up hospitalized, and Avery will proclaim himself the new team leader, and the whole rest of the team will just follow suit by sliding off the tracks. It’s going to be AWESOME!
And with regards to Zach’s packing skills, do you suppose at some point during the months his DVD and PSP have been packed, he ever had a slow moment waiting at a DMV or something and wished he’d waited until a bit closer to the trip to pack them?
Har har. So perhaps you can also presume that ZP will play nekkid.
Well that would improve the wind resistance and sweat issues, I think.
First thing Rafalski does in his first shift during his first game for Detroit is fall on his ass.
We watched two Red Wings preseason games, and literally every single scoring chance against the Wings in those games came off Rafalski mistakes. I’d look up for the replays, all ready to crack, “I bet it was Raffie!” and then realize it was.
No hockey for me until the late game, when Pookie gets home! I’m such a good sister, aren’t I? Not enjoying hockey when she can’t? (If there were better teams on, I might consider moving down in front of the TV, but Icing’s right — I’m not getting up for another Ducks game.)
Ack, that post should have been
“That would improve the wind resistance and sweat issues caused by the new sweaters.”
I was distracted by a shiny object.
Amy, I knew what you meant!
No hockey for me until the late game, when Pookie gets home! I’m such a good sister, aren’t I?
You really are.
I’m really only watching because I’m too stressed to sleep. I’m delighted to see Rafa still being Rafa though.
I got it too Amy. Was it a shiny hobo??!
Did I miss it? Why stressed Mags?
I got it Amy. I was distracted by thinking of ZP nekkid… And then Boxworthy got mad with me…
I got it too Amy. Was it a shiny hobo??!
A very shiny hobo.
I got it too Amy. Was it a shiny hobo??!
A very shiny hobo.
Oh my god! You have robot hobos? Drury?? Is that you??
Fucking Detroit.
Why stressed Mags?
Feh, it’s nothing. Exams mostly.
Oh my god! You have robot hobos? Drury?? Is that you??
:^::::::::::::::::::::::
Nope. No Drury here.
Oh my god! You have robot hobos? Drury?? Is that you??
*grin* Nice
You have robot hobos? Drury?? Is that you??
I think that’s a typo. Shouldn’t it read “robot HERPES”?
It’s actually robot hobo herpes. He’s in a bad, bad place.
I’m delighted to see Rafa still being Rafa though.
Ha! It’s great. But I can’t get used to seeing him in a Red Wings jersey. I mean, I’ve seen players come and go, but I’m having a hard time coming to terms with this. I already miss the little fella.
EEEEE!!!! The Devils game is actually being played tomorrow on FSNY!!!!! I need to get cable pronto. Pron-fucking-to.
But I can’t get used to seeing him in a Red Wings jersey.
We saw an in-studio interview with him during one of the Wings games, and he doesn’t even look the same anymore. His face is longer and pointier. It’s like he’s totally changed! (And watching him with the Wings, I’m like, “Did he look this bad in a Devils sweater? I mean, were other teams trying politely not to laugh every time he took the ice when he was with us?”)
It’s actually robot hobo herpes. He’s in a bad, bad place.
That’s no way to talk about the Rangers locker room.
“Did he look this bad in a Devils sweater?”
I asked myself the same thing, but then I just blamed it on the Rbk sweater.
That’s no way to talk about the Rangers locker room.
I’ll talk any way I damn well please about the Rangers’ dressing room! :D
Seriously, just on versus.
“nets should be bigger because goalies are not afraid of shots anymore and make themselves bigger to stop them”
WHAT?!
I already miss the little fella.
Don’t ever forget he said he’d do whatever it took to stay in NJ except, well, staying in NJ.
“nets should be bigger because goalies are not afraid of shots anymore and make themselves bigger to stop them”
WHAT?!
I’ll see your what and raise you a HUH? How does a goalie make himself bigger?
goalies are not afraid of shots anymore and make themselves bigger to stop them
I thought that was kind of the point, but I’m no VS expert or anything…
I already miss the little fella.
With time, maybe so will I.
How does a goalie make himself bigger?
Dyou have a minute? I could explain.
I thought that was kind of the point
*grits teeth* exactly.
Some nice pictures of the Devils practicing
Did I just hear hooves? Are those the horsemen of the apocalypse? Did Corey Perry just win a fight?
Obviously I’m delirious. Good night IPB!
Night Mags!
Night Mags!
Ooohhhh… Genna, that first one of Zubrus sure is a nice picture, isn’t it?
Um, is that really Matvichuk scoring on Marty?
Ooh, thanks for the pictures, Genna!
Um, is that really Matvichuk scoring on Marty?
Marty’s like, “Uhhhh… no. No it wasn’t. How could that photographer have mixed Matvichuk and, uh… crap. There isn’t a single guy in this lineup who should be able to beat me.”
I’m a big fan of picture number 13 and and 34. Number 34 just because he looks silly. He always manages to have that one eyebrow up, has anyone noticed that?
Oh, and Zubie got an A along with Patty and Gionta. I find that an interesting choice on our Coach’s behalf.
It’s a very artfully arched brow, indeed! I daresay he could have been in the running for a Shattuck monocle scholarship with that brow!
Oh, and Zubie got an A along with Patty and Gionta. I find that an interesting choice on our Coach’s behalf.
I can only assume Pando and Madden find it interesting, too.
Okay, I’m off to make dinner now!
I forgot! I was wondering if I would be able to receive the coming of age novel that is Shattuck Boys.
I like that Gionta got an A, I think he deserves it. Then again a lot of the team would have an A if it were up to me.
Then again a lot of the team would have an A if it were up to me.
There’s a strategy. Give every guy on a team an A. No hierarchy. All equal.
Well, let’s not get carried away here. There’s no reason why Cam needs an A.
I cannot stand Pierre McGuire. I know, dislike of him is not any kind of news flash, but he says (more than once of course) “Wade Redden is just tired of getting hit.” For fuck’s sake, if the dude is tired of getting hit in the first game of the season….
Sometimes I think they allow Pierre to keep on working to humour him. Kind of like in Office Space when Milton was laid off and no one told him about it. Now all they need to do is cut off the feed from his microphone, but pretend like they are getting everything he has to say.
Now all they need to do is cut off the feed from his microphone, but pretend like they are getting everything he has to say.
That is the best idea I’ve heard in a long time!
:)
Heh heh. They just said “off the breadbasket of Bryzgalov”. I smell TOAST!
Now all they need to do is cut off the feed from his microphone, but pretend like they are getting everything he has to say.
That is hilarious, Genna! I think if I keep that in mind, I might be able to stand him.
This isn’t fair! The game is starting and I have to listen on the effing radio!
I’m sorry Patty. I’m not a big fan of listening to games on the radio. It’s hard for me to imagine what’s going on on the ice. It just doesn’t do it for me, but if I have to I’ll listen to a game on the radio.
Thanks, Genna. It’s okay if I’m in the car or something… but not when I’m sitting right here in front of the TV! :D
Genna, keep an eye on your inbox — Shattuck Boys is on its way!
Pookie’s home! Pookie’s home! Now we get to watch hockey!
(I’m so, um, sorry [?] that I’ve missed Pierre.)
(Oh, and Genna, I agree — I’d give just about every Devil EXCEPT Cam an “A”.)
Thanks Pookie for a copy of Shattuck Boys!
Oops, maybe thanks Schnookie?! Did Pookie sign up for the email addy and that’s why it says it from her?
Yeah, Pookie took all the credit for it, but that was all me! :D
Well then thanks Schnookie! I can’t wait to read it! Only 21 minutes, 15 minutes, and 45 seconds until the season opener!
I’m not a big fan of listening to games on the radio. It’s hard for me to imagine what’s going on on the ice.
It’s okay if I’m in the car or something…
I heartily agree with both of you.
You’re watching the game now right Patty?
Yes, I am. You?
Did you see Morrow get hit? I hope it’s not anything serious.
I think their jerseys look good. Of course, I’m not watching it in HD, so I can’t see if there’s water spurting off of them in all directions. :D
By the way, I want to start calling Morrow “Minnie”. Y’all won’t think that’s too silly, will you?
I saw the replay of the hit. Yikes.
I find their jerseys very white.
I heard Stu Barnes call him Minnie and I just thought something along the lines of, “oh dear”.
In his rookie year, Verbeek called him Mini-Mo and that’s the shortened version.
I didn’t realize until last season that they were still calling him that.
This whole “we’ll get more scoring if Morrow is healthy” plan is not working too well so far.
We only just turned the hockey on here at stately IPB Manor — what happened to Morrow?
And more importantly, should I be upset I dumped Stasny in favor of a lower ranked player who seemed more heart, less statbits? Just kidding! WOOOO!!! Just try to beat Pandora’s Boxworthy! Just try! Bwah-hah-hah-hah!!!
Poor Morrow. Whatever happened to him. He’s probably my favorite Star. What do the numbers on the side under the weekly match ups mean?(on fantasy hockey)
JUICY! In your face Freddie Modin! WOOOO!!! So far? Amazingleague fantasy hockey ROCKS!!!
Who’s Juicy?
Juicy, according to Patty, is the nickname for the one and only Pandora Boxworthy Dallas Star forward, Jussi Jokinen. At least, I thought he was.
Morrow hit the boards with an Av following him, but when he got there, his feet slipped out from under him and he ended up falling where he was lying right along the boards. Just as he was falling, the Av hit the boards, just above where Morrow had been, but in turning around, the back of the Av’s leg smacked into Morrows face.
Morrow lay there for just a minute then hopped up and hurried off. I figured his nose was broken, but it seems to be a chin/mouth injury.
That’s what Mo calls him, Pookie.
Ah. That makes sense. Quite adorable.
NOOOO!!!! I traded for Jokinen but didn’t realize he was automatically put on the bench! Crapola! Hm. Lesson learned. He will now likely never score again. Fantasy hockey sucks.
Not adorable about Morrow getting his face smashed! But adorable about the juicy nick name.
NOOOO!!!! I traded for Jokinen but didn’t realize he was automatically put on the bench!
Ruh-roh! :D
Yahoo assumes nothing!
So far I’m regretting not trading this Latendresse kid in for Kane. No pts, No PIM and a -1. Pssh. That Patrick Roy smack down just HAD to pull my heart strings.
Ruh-roh! :D
Yahoo assumes nothing!
But I sent andrew some extra hookers and blow so that he’d turn on the feature that has Yahoo reading my mind!
I got a response from Bucci!
“Thanks for reading Heather.
Enjoy the year!
John”
He knows I’m right, doesn’t he?
Ha! Bucci. Of course he does Heather. He was so flummoxed by your rightness that he couldn’t even think of an ass clown song lyric to send you.
Did Bucci add “P.S. Go to bed”?
When I interned at CBS Sunday Morning one of my duties was to send form letter emails back to veiwer mail. I’m thinking you might have just gotten a response from John’s intern. Meaning, you got an email from Shjon Poedein!
Ack!
Patty, Schnookie here (I’m too lazy to log Pookie out to leave a comment as myself) — That sucked. Tell your team to get their asses in gear and beat the stupid fucking Avs next time, okay?
I’m calling them right now, Schnookie!
(Schnookie again): Thanks! :D
I’m watching an interview with Crunchy on the Sabres website right now. Two observations: One, his hair looks halfway decent. Two, he’s wearing a t-shirt with a few holes in it including a HUGE one over one shoulder. This has Crunchy superstition written all over it. He’s probably been wearing that t-shirt under his jersey since he was 12. I was desperately hoping someone would quit asking about the captains and say, “Ryan, what is UP with that shirt?”
(I’m so happy to have Crunchy back in my daily life.)
I’ve only ever “known” Crunchy as Crunchy so I was confused for a second with the name Ryan. Duh!
(Still Schnookie here): I also find the name “Ryan” to be very strange. I’m like, “Wha-who???” And that shirt of his is SO BAD. He might let me dip his raisins in yogurt, but he won’t let me do anything about that shirt.
Yikes. Zubie is -4. I think that will piss him off and he’ll have a Norris-worthy rest of the season.
(Still not Pookie. I should probably log in as myself…): Patty, you know it took Paulie Martin until, like, March to get himself out of a minus hole last year. Zubie better watch out, or the season will just slip away from him! :P
Okay, I have dreadful news. My recovery vacation is now OVER. I have to go back to work tomorrow. I know this is hard for all of you to hear, but it’s true. IT’S SO TERRIBLE!!!! Anyway, I guess it means I have to go to bed at a reasonable hour, so I’ll see you all tomorrow!
I’m horrified by your news, Schnookie! Have a good night!
I’m watching an interview with Crunchy on the Sabres website right now. Two observations: One, his hair looks halfway decent. Two, he’s wearing a t-shirt with a few holes in it including a HUGE one over one shoulder.
I think half the fun of these NHL videos is the stuff going on in the background. While Crunchy’s being interviewed, Hecht (I think) is undressing from practice and the equipment guy is dealing with his equipment. These little details are kind of fascinating.
Oh, and NHL.com has video up of Crunchy and Roy on the red carpet at the NHL/Esquire party in NYC. They’re both kind of adorkable in their videos.
I was against the cookie-cutter web pages that the NHL insists on, but these video collections make it so worth it!
Even the Stars have practice videos up. (Of course, if they stay with their usual plan, they’ll abandon all of that by December.)