To quote the great American opera Pioneer Songs, “They made it. They all made it.” That’s right, Gentle Reader, we’re ensconced again on the sofa at stately IPB Manor, loads of laundry churning away downstairs, our cats staring at us like we’re strangers, and the joys of the open road fading away in the sands of time and memory. We won’t lie — it’s nice to not be in the car anymore. And to commemorate what we agree was probably our best vacation ever, we’re going to give you now an overview of our Road Trip, by the numbers.
1343.2 Miles driven, only 200 of which were driven by Schnookie. Pookie is a beast! (It’s probably fair to say Katebits actually drove us further than Schnookie did. Schnookie? Does not like to drive.)
3 Completely awesome IPB Irregulars we got to hang out with in person.
11 Goals scored by the good guys in the three games we attended in person.
12 Goals scored by the bad guys. But we walked away with two wins, so we’re not complaining. (And Schnookie only considers 11 of those goals as actually counting, because one was an empty-netter, so Crunchy couldn’t do anything about it.)
16,000+ Beer-soaked mousepads tossed by our new Penguin-fan buddies in Pittsburgh. (Thanks again, Pens fans, for not throwing them at us, although we wouldn’t have minded getting our hands on just one more mousepad for our collection…)
0 Sabres seen in person, despite promises that we would see them. We guess we’re just going to have to go back to Buffalo soon to start stalking them again, because having a zero for this category is unacceptable.
Less than 0 Number of times we anticipate returning to Chef’s. Also the number of times we anticipate choosing to smother our chicken dishes in meat sauce while cooking at home, Buffalo tradition or no.
2 Televised games in which the Devils very kindly decided not to play well because they knew we weren’t going to be able to watch closely or at all. It’s always difficult when planning recreational travel to balance the promise of exciting vacation activities against hockey games you’re going to miss. We took an educated gamble opting to not be at home for Devils at Flyers and Devils at Islanders and we weren’t sorry.
9 Wild turkeys, spotted along the highway between Pittsburgh and Buffalo, staging what we can only assume is the first of their anti-Thanksgiving protests of the year.
3,421 Times we stopped to appreciate the wonders of the interwebs, be they free unlimited interwebs in our hotel rooms or free wi-fi interwebs at NY Thruway rest stops. Thanks to the miracle of modern technology, not only can IPB exist, but it can also never sleep.
15 NHL arenas we’ve now seen games at, after visiting the Igloo. If, say, the NHL would like to hire us to visit all the arenas and write travelogues about it for NHL.com, we would seriously consider their offer.
3 1/2 Fat Alberts encountered on our entire journey. That’s a shockingly low number, even when we count the one car that was a Fat Albert all by itself (as a half).
No fewer than 12 Dead raccoons on the sides of the road. Either it was something we should feel sad about as Pando fans, or it was an hilarious statement about the way McCrotch’s Marauders destroyed the Raccoon Wives in Week One of the IPB AmazingLeague.
1 Soon-to-be-ex-Devil poltergeist haunting our hotel rooms. Be on the lookout for that guy, Gentle Reader, if you’re ever staying at the Marriotts in downtown Pittsburgh or Amherst.
1,000,000 Days it feels like it’s been since we were last at work. It’s going to be a hell of a Monday morning for us, Gentle Reader, so think of us at 9 a.m. EDT.