IPB Publishing Inc., Series 3
November 4, 2007 by Pookie
Periodically during the off-season, we presented our Gentle Readers with a list of offerings from our offshoot publishing house, IPB Publishing, Inc. We’re pleased as punch to announce that the latest catalog of titles is here! As with the previous two installments, every title is an actual search term that was used to find IPB, with spelling, punctuation, capitalization and grammar all intact.
Interchangeable Animal Parts
A vivisected puma. A deserted island. A mad scientist. What could it all mean?
It means, the latest in NHL Retells the Classics: The Island of Dr. Moreau! Mad scientist Glen Sather has had success piecing new freakish animals out of the parts of others, but when he attempts the unthinkable — peicing together a hockey team that doesn’t follow any of the rules of reason — will the end result be the greatest team the world has ever seen, or an unspeakable horror that will haunt your dreams?
acorn singing the song blame it on me
IPB Publishing’s musical division is pleased to present this selection of folks songs written by Travis Zajac. The collection is a song cycle, first performed by Mr. Zajac in his groundbreaking first solo concert after 2 years of heading the North Dakota-based Toe Drag (a favorite of the coffee-house, beat set in Grand Forks). The 82 songs present the ups and downs of a rookie hockey player trying to make it in the NHL. The title song explores the shame and pain that accompanies being the losing shooter in a shoot-out to decide a big game against a division rival. Other songs, such as “don’t try to tell me i’m not batman, robin” and “call me mona lisa” shine a light on the everyday life of fitting in with a team.
i said i believed you defensive much?
The -ookies step out from behind the IPB blog banner to publish their first stand-alone title, a self-help book drawn from their harrowing time spent with X. This book will help the conflict-averse find constructive ways to answer the command, “TELL ME WHEN!” while avoiding any after-the-fact shame spirals. Any person with compulsively combative friends or relatives will be well-served to read this collection of valuable advice.
scott gomez or ryan getzlaf
Subtitle: And Other Questions With Obvious Answers
This fun little book of cocktail party ice breakers asks such hilariously one-sided questions like, “Marty Brodeur or Curtis Joseph”, “Old Sweaters or New” and “Ties or Shoot-outs?” If your hockey parties always start out with awkward silences between wallflowers, this book is a must! Get the party started now!
“From Top to Bottom” pando
Help your young hockey player be the best team player he can be by giving him this how-to guide to playing the Pando Way. Topics covered include fielding every question about individual play with answers about the team, deflecting all personal accolades smoothly and gracefully, and accepting different or diminished roles for the greater good of the team. With easy to follow instructions and diagrams, this manual is required reading for all aspiring hockeyists.
pineapple factoids
Did you know pineapple factoids are 5% more interesting than grapefruit factoids?
The title speaks for itself: everything you ever wanted to know about pineapples, presented in an easy-to-read bullet-point format.
exciting parts of the remains of the day
This blank 3″x5″ index card can be used for all manner of things. It can be used to jot notes to yourself, or to add another recipe to your overflowing recipe box, or to fold into a paper airplane, a pterodactyl or a brooch. A companion to other blank index cards like “Good Parts of Breaking the Waves“, “Listenable Songs by Kriss Kross” and “Players to Cheer for on the New York Rangers”. Collect all four to use as flash cards to learn Sean Avery’s entire working vocabulary!
tape patterns for glass during hurricane
Several of the world’s most respected emergency-relief organizations come together to offer preparedness tips for all manner of disaster situations. Unsure of how to prepare your home in advance of a hurricane? Worried you’re not ready for local infrastructure collapse? Terrified of being caught flat-footed if your favorite team signs Jeremy Roenick? The answers you’re looking for are all here in one reference resource.
calendar for predicting chinchillas
Learn to bet on chinchilla races from a pro with Petr Sykora’s can’t-miss tips for winning at the chinchilla track. Sykora’s proven system relies on the Julian calendar and the chinchilla’s natural circadian rhythms to predict, without fail, which chinchillas will win, place, and show for all the majors tracks throughout the Czech Republic. Follow the day-by-day hints and suggestions and find yourself rolling in euros by year’s end!
life before interchangeable parts
A look back at the dark ages, before electricity, personal hygiene, the Enlightenment, and, most importantly, Interchangeable Parts. This scholarly tome examines the social, political, economic and religious progress made by mankind over the centuries in an easily-read tone, with emphasis on the question of how people could possibly have lived in such bleak conditions.
mediocre nhl players
For the boondoggle enthusiast, a catalog of the 2007 NHL Free Agent class.
lou lamoriello is gay
A shocking expose written by “Anonymous”, an insider in the New York Rangers propaganda machine. This tell-all lays bare the seedy, below-the-belt tactics Glen Sather has unleashed on a previously unsuspecting NHL. The unnamed author confesses to participating in publicity smear campaigns designed to impugn those men and organizations who have seen greater success than Sather and the Rangers; when those campaigns failed the propaganda unit turned its fiction-spinning skills to inundating the hockey world with glorious lies heralding the Rangers’ newly signed free agents. Even readers with the strongest stomachs will feel queasy after spending time in Anonymous’ world, a universe of meanness, falsehoods, innuendo and Scott Gomez.
ipb toothbrushes
As part of IPB’s march towards global domination, IPB Publishes is rolling out a new line of gift items, just in time for the holidays! Stock up on stocking stuffers like IPB toothbrushes, hand soaps and decks of cards! Don’t give your father another tie and your mother another cashmere sweater — give them both durable IPB fleece pullovers! Impress your boss by presenting him or her with a framed copy of IPB’s 95 Theses! Order now for Christmas, Hanukkah and Kwanzaa delivery! To receive a free catalog, send a S.A.S.E. containing one magnetic schedule for an NHL team to IPB; allow 1-10 ten years for delivery.
three reasons hockey is good
The immensely abridged edition of IPB’s groundbreaking 118 Reasons We Love Hockey.
We’re also pleased to announce that IPB Publishing, Inc. is looking for guest authors to write blurbs for the following titles:
gangsta chinchilla
spring break shark attack roberto luongo
scarlet pommers
Please leave submissions in the comments.
i said i believed you defensive much?
calendar for predicting chinchillas
:^::::::::::::
Is it just me or are these search terms getting funnier?
Well played, IPB, well played!
I need to stop laughing before I can write anything else but…holy crap.
You’d better have an ipb toothbrush for me next weekend, girls!
You’d better have an ipb toothbrush for me next weekend, girls!
You’ll have to fight the gansta chinchilla to get it.
Is it just me or are these search terms getting funnier?
I think they are! The problem with that, though, is that these posts are harder to write the funnier the search terms are!
Gangsta chinchilla? HA! roberto luongo shark attack? Toooo funny. Good job. I like that this is a continuing series.
:^:::::::::::::s all around! Hilarious!
I like that this is a continuing series.
As long as people are out there using bad internet searching skills, we’ll be here to make fun of them!
You’ll have to fight the gansta chinchilla to get it.
What is that exactly - PJ with an Ovie-style haircut or something? If that’s the case I think I can take him.
What is that exactly - PJ with an Ovie-style haircut or something?
You wish that was it! It’s PJ with an Ovie-style haircut and some prison tattoos.
You guys are so funny! How about this one?
First you saw, heard adn experienced the Versus production “Sid Crosby Revealed,” a sure Emmy winner in the mockumentary category.
Now comes the pseudo-sequel by that reknown team at IPB. For the first time anywhere see the DVD and read the book “Sid Crosby Exposed.”
Don’t you wish?
Don’t you wish?
Mmmm… yes.
:^:::::::::::: High-larious!
Unsure of how to prepare your home in advance of a hurricane? Worried you’re not ready for local infrastructure collapse? Terrified of being caught flat-footed if your favorite team signs Jeremy Roenick?
These are basically my three worst fears. And the fourth is skydiving.
Well, it’s a tie between skydiving and roaches.
gangsta chinchilla
Subtitle: Or when good NHL pets go bad. The long-awaited title from the author of Creatures-of-Affairs: Fact or Fable?, this hard-hitting story exposes the seamy underside of over-affectionate owners. Includes an exclusive interview with Sparkles the fish.
spring break shark attack roberto luongo
The first in our new video series, Goalies Gone Wild!! Uncensored and out of control, no rules and no limits! You have to see it to believe it!
scarlet pommers
The classic tale chronicling the adventures of a hockey player seeking to rescue his counterparts from the horrors of Free Agency with the aid of masterful disguises and his secret band of followers. “They seek him here. They seek him there. Those slag-faces seek him everywhere.
Is he a man? Is he a labrapoodle? That demmed, elusive Pommerdoodle!”
Wonderful!
“From Top to Bottom” pando
This also sounds like it could be one of those old-school paper doll books. Dress Pando from top to bottom, whether its in footie pajamas (with optional tooshie flap!) and stocking cap, hockey gear or a suit tailored by noted stylist Giovanni.
scarlet pommers
The tale of woe of the Sabres winger as he struggles to deal with the unfortunate results of a bad hairstyle. Too busy off the ice to get to a salon to have his locks dyed, Pommers warily accepts the offer of his teammate Andrew Peters to do the dye job. A combination of the wrong color dye, plus leaving it on too long turn our dear Pommerdoodle into a look-alike for Ronald McDonald.
“don’t try to tell me i’m not batman, robin”
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
I’m sorry that only MOPG and possibly DS will get this, but I have to say it. It’s a compulsion, you see.
“Make me, N’at Man.”
scott gomez or ryan getzlaf
Subtitle: And Other Questions With Obvious Answers
Don’t forget: winning or losing, and Stanley Cup or President’s Trophy
:^::::::::::::::::: all around. I have to give it to the searchers though, that’s some creative googling.
A combination of the wrong color dye, plus leaving it on too long turn our dear Pommerdoodle into a look-alike for Ronald McDonald.
:^:::::::::::::::::
“They seek him here. They seek him there. Those slag-faces seek him everywhere.
Is he a man? Is he a labrapoodle? That demmed, elusive Pommerdoodle!”
Oh.
My.
God.
I think I might break my colon key off my keyboard if I try to give this a suitable “:^::::::::”. zot, I have to admit, “scarlet pommers” was sitting in my wheelhouse all afternoon yesterday and I couldn’t for the life of me figure out how to hit it out of the ballpark, and it’s a good thing I didn’t try, because we would never have seen this stroke of genius from you if I had! BRILLIANT! And then throwing in a Sparkles the Fish reference — nicely done!
Amy, is there something wrong with me that I would love a Top-to-Bottom Pando paper doll? That’s just hilarious! (And I suddenly feel like I’m 8 and visiting my grandmother’s house, whice was pretty much the only place I ever played with paper dolls… Nothing like starting up a Monday morning with some serious nostalgia!)
scarlet pommers
The classic tale chronicling the adventures of a hockey player seeking to rescue his counterparts from the horrors of Free Agency with the aid of masterful disguises and his secret band of followers. “They seek him here. They seek him there. Those slag-faces seek him everywhere.
Is he a man? Is he a labrapoodle? That demmed, elusive Pommerdoodle!”
That is entirely too fabulous.
You all are hilarious.
Zot, holy crap! I’m having a terrible morning (I’ve been drafted very short notice to teach my least favorite computer class ever) and I was beginning to sink into an irreversible crankiness when I read your submissions. Now, everything is sunshine and lollipops because I cannot stop laughing! And Amy, I love the old-fashioned paper doll Pando! I so want one! The NHL should totally make these as an alternative to bobbleheads!
mediocre nhl players
For the boondoggle enthusiast, a catalog of the 2007 NHL Free Agent class.
So true.
The NHL should totally make these as an alternative to bobbleheads!
I would totally pay $2 for a free giveaway of top-to-bottom NHL paper dolls.
I would totally pay $2 for a free giveaway of top-to-bottom NHL paper dolls.
Hee!
These are basically my three worst fears. And the fourth is skydiving.
I love that JR scares you more than skydiving does! That’s totally the right order.
I bet you guys could get up the gumption if you’d be strapped to, oh, say, Giovanni’s favorite client, or Clarkson.
Snork! Paper dolls would permit dressing and undressing. (Oh you dirty girls!) Sean Avery would come with his own cashmire throw and matchy outfits.
You have to get crayons and make them anatomically correct.
Sean Avery would come with his own cashmire throw and matchy outfits.
And a Vagisil box. For the douchebaggery. :P
Ahh, that made my morning.
I must say that you went over my expectations with the chinchilla calenders. I saw the title, my mind went, ‘will they mention Sykora and Petr Jr.?’ and then you went there and I love you for it.
I saw the title, my mind went, ‘will they mention Sykora and Petr Jr.?’ and then you went there and I love you for it.
I suspect I’ll be making fun of Petr and PJ on my deathbed. He just makes it so easy!
I bet you guys could get up the gumption if you’d be strapped to, oh, say, Giovanni’s favorite client, or Clarkson.
If I’m going to plummet to my death, I might as well make it good. :D
I laughed aloud at ‘pineapple factoids.’ Not sure why that one in particular.
Apologies if you’ve seen it, but Gulitti has the scoop on the Clarkson-Avery drama. It still boils down to Avery being a douche, but wait! there’s more!
Basically, Avery tries to insult Clarkson by bringing out that old chestnut, the “minor league” heckle (which works better when one hasn’t spent 5 different stints in the minors one’s self), and then tries to get Master Zach to fight, later claiming to have never heard of that Parise guy. Uh huh.
Oh, and Avery says he can’t understand Marty’s accent. ¬.¬
I do hope that statement was met with the silent, incredulous disdain it deserves.
*sigh* Sean. You poisonous mould you. What do I have to do to make you go away forever?
Also, hey Mara!
Ahh, Sykora, we love you and your strange fascination with chinchillas.
Hey Mags!
Oh hey, I have a Reekie sighting for ya, on their road trip. Eatin’ his green beans.
I do hope that statement was met with the silent, incredulous disdain it deserves.
I would certainly hope everyone was stunned to silence by the fact that he has managed to get by in LA and New York of all places when he’s obviously not intelligent enough to understand accents.
Thanks Mara, I’d already seen it. :) (and I had a Reekie sighting last week. He smells really nice ;) )
later claiming to have never heard of that Parise guy.
Well, Rod the Bod never heard of Pomminville until 2006, so it may (miniscule chance) be possible that Avery’s never heard of Zach.
Then again, any idiot who isn’t aware of one of the better players in the league is a flipping moron.
You’re smelling the baby goalies now?? What’s next, licking them? Tsk tsk tsk.
I had a goalie encounter when I got to present the 3 stars of the game…but it was post-game so I kept my nose firmly closed. (Er, that’s obviously my halloween costume, not my normal game staff outfit. My friend and I always do matching costumes, something in Hawks colors.)
I would certainly hope everyone was stunned to silence by the fact that he has managed to get by in LA and New York of all places
If he’s not careful, he’ll start sounding like John Rocker ranting about the black people and gays on the subway.
Then again, any idiot who isn’t aware of one of the better players in the league is a flipping moron.
Especially when said player is IN YOUR DIVISION and he and his team have owned your ass in the playoffs the last 2 years.
any idiot who isn’t aware of one of the better players in the league is a flipping moron.
I think we’d established that Avery was firmly in the flipping moron category, so of course he wouldn’t have heard of Zach.
Mara, yeah, I don’t want to know what he smells like post-game. Still, he rocked the suit and the (I think) aftershave. And licking would have been the least of the things I’d have done to Reekie if we hadn’t been under the strict supervision of Nikki (and everyone sitting in the lower rows). (yeahyeahyeah, I’m going to hell) Nice Halloween outfit btw :D.
Avery didn’t know the name Zach Parise because he simply referred to him as “that yummy little Devil.”
If he’s not careful, he’ll start sounding like John Rocker ranting about the black people and gays on the subway.
Fortunately for him there’s not a significant French minority here. Maybe he’s learned to keep his mouth shut about black people (although I’m just waiting for that one).
Fortunately for him there’s not a significant French minority here. Maybe he’s learned to keep his mouth shut about black people (although I’m just waiting for that one).
Or he could target Georges Laraque. Wouldn’t the outcome of that just be bloodily delicious?
Or he could target Georges Laraque. Wouldn’t the outcome of that just be bloodily delicious?
I’m going to dream of that tonight. It’s almost too good.
Or he could target Georges Laraque. Wouldn’t the outcome of that just be bloodily delicious?
I’m dreaming of a clenched fist coming down solidly on Avery’s little head and leaving nothing but a red smudge on the MSG ice.
And the rest of the Rangers taking 3 days to realize anyone was missing.
And the rest of the Rangers taking 3 days to realize anyone was missing.
:^:::::::::::::::::::
Honestly, I’m thinking this showdown should be mandatory. It would bring the whole league together - players, fans, everyone!
And the rest of the Rangers taking 3 days to realize anyone was missing.
They’d probably be wondering why it was so quiet all of a sudden.
Or he could target Georges Laraque. Wouldn’t the outcome of that just be bloodily delicious?
Since he’s already targeted Georges Laraque and the longterm outcome is he has miraculously shed the label of “racist”, I’m not sure it would be as delicious as we’d all like. Apparently hockey is still hiding it’s head in the sand when it comes to racisim; John Rocker couldn’t reinvent himself, how come Avery gets to? Not that I want to talk about this at all. I’ve had a terrible morning, I vote we not talk about Avery (Mara — we covered Avery and his Zach/Clarkson quotes in yesterday’s comments).
You know how lemon sorbet is used as a palate-cleanser at fancy weddings with 127 courses?
Lemon sorbet for the mind.
No, I wasn’t just looking for an excuse to re-post that, why do you ask?
Pensgirl, you’re so transparent. :D
Snoopyjode has a practically life-size scan on SCS….
No, I wasn’t just looking for an excuse to re-post that, why do you ask?
And Amy has a new wallpaper at work.
And Amy has a new wallpaper at work.
I try to keep my wallpaper something bland and cat-ladyish, since my computer is right next to a shared printer, but I think it might be time for a change. (Although really, pictures of Sid — even foxy ones — still seem kind of cat-ladyish. I think it’s the age difference.)
Amy - hee! How will you get any work done?
*Says Pensgirl as she totally has Sid hopping over the boards as her workplace wallpaper*
Pulled down the scan. Be sure to click on the image to see the real size. ;)
Ah, damn endtags. My brain is still 12,000 feet in the air (and the first thing I thought when I got up this morning was “Jumping out of a plane. Are you CRAZY?!”
Mmmmmm lemon sorbet….
Amy - hee! How will you get any work done?
I used to have Goose’s Sears Portrait Studio photo as my wallpaper, so I became immune after awhile. Sid may take longer for that to happen.
I wanna see Sid hoppin’ over the boards!
(This is one of my favorite hockey things…the climbing over the boards to and from the ice.)
Mara, I do believe the Avery-smudge on the MSG ice is a good goal.
I used to have Goose’s Sears Portrait Studio photo as my wallpaper, so I became immune after awhile. Sid may take longer for that to happen.
Yeah, throwing a new pic up is like hitting the “reset” button. You’re gonna be hitting that “show desktop” icon. ;)
And you’re also reset on your Goose shot, so the next time you take a gander (rimshot!) at it you won’t be so ho-hum about it. :P
I wanna see Sid hoppin’ over the boards!
Done. I highly recommend Yahoo! Sports team pages for all your hockey wire photo needs. :)
(This is one of my favorite hockey things…the climbing over the boards to and from the ice.)
Agreed. Whenever somebody challenges me about anything involving hockey, I just say “Well does your little ’sport’ change on the fly? No? Shaddap then.”
I have a couple pics of Geno and Sid going over the boards together, and another of them skating in warmup. They’re great shots in a “this is hockey” way, but also in a “two cats staring out the window” way, because they are always doing the exact same thing and looking in the exact same direction. I’ll have to post them when I get home - don’t have ‘em here.
Whenever somebody challenges me about anything involving hockey, I just say “Well does your little ’sport’ change on the fly? No? Shaddap then.”
I like to say of changing on the fly, “It’s what separates us from the animals.” :D
Amy, good luck getting work done ;P
I am constantly envious of his thighs. And then I realize I already have enough trouble buying jeans, so why on earth would I want to make it worse?
This is one of my favorite hockey things…the climbing over the boards to and from the ice.
Sigh, me too. They make it look so easy!
I like to say of changing on the fly, “It’s what separates us from the animals.” :D
You are so right.
Nothing else in all of sports compares to it. I love when noobs are like “Wait, what happened? Where did such-and-so go? I DON’T UNDERSTAAAAAND.” I’ve come to the conclusion that the reason hockey is niche is that only we smart folks can follow it.
I love Yahoo photos! Especially this season, since they’re using more and more of the big Getty Images shots. I need to keep an eye on Sid’s in addition to checking for all Stars photos.
I am constantly envious of his thighs. And then I realize I already have enough trouble buying jeans, so why on earth would I want to make it worse?
I was a competitive gymnast growing up, and though I am not remotely as strong as I used to be, my quads still err a smidge to the “well-built” side. What is so enjoyable on Sid is not remotely enjoyable on me.
I need to keep an eye on Sid’s in addition to checking for all Stars photos.
I’ve been on ClarksonWatch too.
For pure hockey-skills awe I like this one. The concentration! The hand-eye coordination! And I love that you don’t quite know whether he’s falling down or getting up (he is falling, for the record. With anyone else I would never think otherwise, but with his legs I really wasn’t sure at first).
I’ve come to the conclusion that the reason hockey is niche is that only we smart folks can follow it.
Not only that, but it’s expensive to play. Sherry did a post about it a few weeks ago that reminded me hockey is a bit of an elitist sport because of it’s cost.
Not only that, but it’s expensive to play. Sherry did a post about it a few weeks ago that reminded me hockey is a bit of an elitist sport because of it’s cost.
I was sort of kidding, but you’re absolutely right. MOPG likes to say “I wore holey underwear so you kids could have your sports!” :D
For pure hockey-skills awe I like this one.
And why was Sid falling down? Because Schnookie and I were like 15 feet from him. He just couldn’t handle all that beautiousness!
hockey is a bit of an elitist sport because of it’s cost.
A bit?!? :)
And why was Sid falling down? Because Schnookie and I were like 15 feet from him. He just couldn’t handle all that beautiousness!
Well, no wonder he was staring that puck down, then. He knew if he looked up for even a second he was a goner. ;)
Pensgirl, I feel your pain. I’ve been a hockey player for as long as I can remember (with a 4 year stint as a 7’s rugby winger [which is like a running back in football] when we lived in Hong Kong) and it’s hard to find jeans that suit my body type. When skinny jeans came into style last year (or was it the year before that?) I nearly cried when I went shopping for winter clothes and all I could find was drainpipe jeans.
A bit?!? :)
Yeah, a bit :P We get some serious riff-raff on the ice some times ;) And theoretically you could play it with tie on blades (like they do in bandy) and a wood stick. I wouldn’t advise it, but you could.
It’s so precise, too, when they go over the boards. Their feet are in just such a position so they don’t hit anybody. If I tried it, I’d be flinging my feet up in the air all crazy-like, and probably slice the carotids of three of my teammates in the process.
I’ve been on ClarksonWatch too.
Woops, better add that one, too.
When skinny jeans came into style last year (or was it the year before that?) I nearly cried when I went shopping for winter clothes and all I could find was drainpipe jeans.
This is why I only have 2 pair of jeans. I know women with 20 - I couldn’t find that many that FIT! There’s a store here in Balto that sells nothing but jeans, but I haven’t been able to get to it yet. Part of me is afraid I’ll go and THEY won’t have anything, and I’ll be forced to turn into a raving lunatic.
You know how, when they came back, all the magazines were like “ANYONE can wear skinny jeans!” Biggest. Joke. Ever. Did they actually convince anyone of that?
If I tried it, I’d be flinging my feet up in the air all crazy-like, and probably slice the carotids of three of my teammates in the process.
Best to practice alone, of course. :)
I always wondered about lefties and righties hopping over together. My bro’s a lefty and we always make sure he’s positioned at a table so he’s not hampered by banging his hand into a righty’s all night. It’d be the same thing, but worse, with the boards. What if you’re going over next to someone who favors the opposite side and you swing your feet towards each other? I never saw it actually happen to Pensboy, but it must have happened to someone, somewhere.
I have 3 or 4 pairs of jeans, and they’re all altered guys ones. Usually I just get ones that fit over the legs and have the waistband taken in. One pair I had the seams let out (and it actually looks really cool). I remember when an interview with Sid came out and he mentioned having to have his jeans altered because not many things look good and I laughed so hard because I recognized the problem.
Did they actually convince anyone of that?
Judging by the jeans the girls at uni are wearing, apparently they did. It’s very very scary.
Btw, is Katebits around or is she at rehearsal? Yahoo has something for her
Heh . . . from the Buffalo News today:
““We think we’re working hard but we’re watching video and it looks like we’re not working hard,” Roy said.”
They needed to watch video to see that they’re not working hard? Really?
Yahoo has something for her
Awwwwww
They needed to watch video to see that they’re not working hard? Really?
Well, at least now they know? Ish?
““We think we’re working hard but we’re watching video and it looks like we’re not working hard,” Roy said.”
Wow! That is such an awesome quote! What I love is that he said, “it looks like we’re not working hard” as if to imply, “But really, honestly, we are working hard. It just doesn’t look like it!”
Meg - That reminds me of the very first hockey game Pensboy played -he was 10. He & the rest of the Iron Sharks were flying out there- loving every minute of it. Working hard. Sweating. Of course, we videoed the entire game. As soon as we were home we popped it into the VCR for him. After about one minute of viewing, Pensboy turned to DOPG and said “You can take it off slow motion!” At least he was only 10!
What I love is that he said, “it looks like we’re not working hard” as if to imply, “But really, honestly, we are working hard. It just doesn’t look like it!”
I know. Way to sidestep, Derek!
What I love is that he said, “it looks like we’re not working hard” as if to imply, “But really, honestly, we are working hard. It just doesn’t look like it!”
Perhaps he has a career in politics.
That’s a great story, MOPG! If Derek was what, fifteen or so years younger he might have an excuse. :D
“You can take it off slow motion!”
HA! That’s fantastic! And totally what Zach Parise says in every video session. Finally the Devils video guys starting editing all of his tape to run in fast forward so he’d stop complaining!
After about one minute of viewing, Pensboy turned to DOPG and said “You can take it off slow motion!”
Awwwwwwwww. That’s so cute!
After about one minute of viewing, Pensboy turned to DOPG and said “You can take it off slow motion!”
Aaaaah, Squirt B. It is a very strange thing to learn hockey by alternately watching your in-a-few-months-will-be-hoisting-its-first-ever-Cup NHL team and your little brother’s travel team of 10-and-11 year olds. It’s like learning about cello by alternating between Yo-Yo Ma and a fourth-grade class.
“Terrified of being caught flat-footed if your favorite team signs Jeremy Roenick?”
Not cool, ookies….not cool at all.
Not cool, ookies….not cool at all.
I know, I know, we should have published this book a few months ago, right?
How was the game? We thought we saw you on TV but then realized the 2 people on the screen bore little to no resemblance to the description you provided (those people had their clothes on the right way). Did you get Kriss Kross on the jumbotron?
andrew! Any jumbotron news?
“We thought we saw you on TV but then realized the 2 people on the screen bore little to no resemblance to the description you provided”
Thanks for trying, I tivo’d the game and watched, but alas, our ugly mugs did not make the grade!
“Any jumbotron news?”
Unfortunately no. We tried really really hard to figure out a plan, but apparently if you want the jumbotron at the Tank to do anything, you have to request it waaay in advance. So no dice. I’ll just have to prepare ahead of time for my next game!
*Says Pensgirl as she totally has Sid hopping over the boards as her workplace wallpaper*
Is it the recent photo, with extra sticks visible on the left and Malone behind him on the right? ‘cuz that’s what my work computer is sporting at the moment. (Devils games never seem to have suitable landscape-oriented shots for wallpapering.)
—
I just found the first pair of jeans that have fit me and my skater thighs properly in about 6 years…American Eagle Outfitters, surprisingly enough. And they were only $40. (And supposedly they’re pre-shrunk and won’t get too short, but I haven’t washed them yet to find out.)
Aw, that’s sad about the Jumbotron. I guess that means the text that Patty sent from Dallas didn’t make it through either.
I guess that means the text that Patty sent from Dallas didn’t make it through either.
Maybe the text Patty sent from Dallas will show up, like, five games from now?
Is it the recent photo, with extra sticks visible on the left and Malone behind him on the right? ‘cuz that’s what my work computer is sporting at the moment. (Devils games never seem to have suitable landscape-oriented shots for wallpapering.)
The very same.
American Eagle Outfitters, surprisingly enough.
WooHooo! Pittsburgh’s economy gets a boost!
Ironically, though I’d love to support hometown-based products, I could never find a single thing to buy in that store, even in college when I swear it was mandated by law that you shop there.
“Aw, that’s sad about the Jumbotron. I guess that means the text that Patty sent from Dallas didn’t make it through either.”
Nope, I saw in the comments that she was sending something. Looks like (for now) the Sharks only do boring stuff like “will you marry me?” and “The Sharks welcome Girl Scout troop 317″. Lame.
The game itself was fun, but only because we made it a good time. Effing Sharks looked terrible out there.
Oh yeah, you’ll be glad to know that I saw a guy (and I swear I’m not making this up) wearing an Eric Fichaud Sagueneens sweater. I thought, “holy crap, how random is that?” Made me laugh pretty hard.
American Eagle Outfitters
I wonder if they ship to Holland…
Oh yeah, you’ll be glad to know that I saw a guy (and I swear I’m not making this up) wearing an Eric Fichaud Sagueneens sweater.
Right now I’m texting a marriage proposal to that guy, via Jumbotron.
I could never find a single thing to buy in that store
I think the only other things I’ve ever gotten there are a canvas purse and some kind of necklace or bracelet.
I would have continued assuming that their jeans matched their tops in being sized only for midgets (or 14-year-olds, which is who shops there in Oregon), but a friend clued me into their jeans, which turns out, actually can fit a normal person.
“Right now I’m texting a marriage proposal to that guy, via Jumbotron.”
Very nice.
We got to the arena really early, due to light traffic. We walked down the street to the pub and passed by the hotel where opposing teams usually stay. I was looking for Mike Camallari so that I could hobble that little bastard. I did not see him.
but a friend clued me into their jeans, which turns out, actually can fit a normal person.
That’s where the Pittsburghiness shows, I suppose. Walkin’ around Western PA reminds one that people do not just come in sizes 0-4 and some of us are taller than 5′2″ but shorter than 5′8″. Can you imagine!
I was looking for Mike Camallari so that I could hobble that little bastard. I did not see him.
Well, your night sure got off to a bad start then, didn’t it? :P
“Well, your night sure got off to a bad start then, didn’t it? :P”
I know! If only I had been able to accomplish my mission, there might have been a different outcome.
How was everyone’s weekend around here? I mean….aside from Sabres fans. I know how things went there. godamnit.
“Good Parts of Breaking the Waves“, “Listenable Songs by Kriss Kross” and “Players to Cheer for on the New York Rangers”
I assume “Chris Drury Factoids” is part of the same series? When’s that one due to come out?
Great titles as usual, Ookies! Gotta love those crazy internet searches.
I was popping in and out this weekend, but didn’t have any time to comment, so I just want to say that that “50 States in 10 Minutes” game kicked my ass to an embarrassing degree. I only missed three (Louisiana, Oregon, and Rhode Island), but I don’t know which was more depressing: ten minutes later not even being able to remember that I had forgotten Rhode Island, or initially remembering Oregon but not how to spell it (sorry, mara!). In my defense, I’m Waldorf-educated, and it’s really hard for me to list/spell the states without my acorns handy.
How was everyone’s weekend around here? I mean….aside from Sabres fans. I know how things went there. godamnit.
Well we blew two 2-0 leads in a row to lose 3-2 in regulation, so that was fantastic.
But fuck it, I got to fly. Two miles above earth. So that wins.
How was everyone’s weekend around here? I mean….aside from Sabres fans. I know how things went there. godamnit.
Well other than the Sabres inability to play hockey my weekend was pretty good.
How was everyone’s weekend around here? I mean….aside from Sabres fans. I know how things went there. godamnit.
Well, there was losing in a shootout to the Rangers. That wasn’t so hot. But overall 5 out of 6 points in a three-games-in-four-nights stretch is something I’ll take. Especially considering how “Good Ship Lottery Cruise” the Devils have been so far…
Gambler, I’m so glad to hear Pookie and I aren’t the only ones who just couldn’t get those last three states, even if we all missed a different three. And to answer your question, no there will not be an index card of interesting Chris Drury factoids. We don’t want to give him even that satisfaction.
“But fuck it, I got to fly. Two miles above earth. So that wins.”
Y’know, sometimes real life can be better than hockey!
“Well other than the Sabres inability to play hockey my weekend was pretty good.”
Ugh. Seriously. What a crapfest Friday was. And then…the Sharks beat LA on Saturday in a freaking un-televised game!
And then…the Sharks beat LA on Saturday in a freaking un-televised game!
Well at least they won a game post-crapfest. I would descripe my feelings toward tonight’s Habs game as “less than optimistic.” Because seriously, given the Habs power play, the Sabres propensity for taking bad penalties, and the fact that Paetsch, Sekera, and Weber will be dressing, I’m expecting a penalty-killing effort that qualifies as utterly pathetic.
How was everyone’s weekend around here?
Not too great. We came out of a 3 game roadtrip 2-1, but the 1 loss was a pretty huge blowout. I sorta wish I’d been pulled.
And yeah, then the Devils lost in the shootout to the mfing Rangers. Silvertips won though, that was nice.
“I would descripe my feelings toward tonight’s Habs game as “less than optimistic.””
Maybe the Sabres need a “kick in the ass” type game. Y’know, be on the wrong side of an 8-1 blowout. Just to wake them up and remind them that they are a professional ice hockey team.
there will not be an index card of interesting Chris Drury factoids. We don’t want to give him even that satisfaction.
Especially since finding something interesting about Chris Drury would require some very serious effort.
In my defense, I’m Waldorf-educated, and it’s really hard for me to list/spell the states without my acorns handy.
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Maybe the Sabres need a “kick in the ass” type game
I think that might have been Friday’s game. From what I’ve been reading, Lindy ripped them all new ones, sewed them up, and them ripped them again. It was not a happy weekend.
How was everyone’s weekend around here? …
Well other than the Sabres inability to play hockey my weekend was pretty good.
Even without counting the Sabres inability to play hockey, my hockey weekend sucked. The Stars got routed by effing Phoenix, then didn’t play again all weekend. I’m almost afraid to watch tonight.
I’m almost afraid to watch tonight.
At least you aren’t pitted against the -Ookies tonight. Which team can ineffectuate itself into yet another loss? Only time. will. tell.
Which team can ineffectuate itself into yet another loss? Only time. will. tell.
This is like “Scott Gomez or Ryan Getzlaf”. The Devils. No question!
This is like “Scott Gomez or Ryan Getzlaf”. The Devils. No question!
I hope so! *ducks*
Which team can ineffectuate itself into yet another loss? Only time. will. tell.
They were telling a story on the radio a week or two ago about a basketball game where both teams were blatantly trying to lose. So blatantly, in fact, that they started scoring in each other’s basket. It got so bad that they then had to start defending their own basket from the other team trying to score into it.
They talked like it was a famous game, but I haven’t confirmed that story.
Is that what the Pens-Devils game will be like?
I hope so! *ducks*
Someone’s playing fast and loose with the demerits, isn’t she?
“I think that might have been Friday’s game. From what I’ve been reading, Lindy ripped them all new ones, sewed them up, and them ripped them again.’
Man I hope so. It has not been fun watching them. At all.
Oh! Guess what the giveaway at the arena was on friday? Litte 3″ cd-rom SJ Sharks screensavers! It’s already on the work computer.
Is that what the Pens-Devils game will be like?
Someone’s playing fast and loose with the demerits, isn’t she?
Just try to throw them at me. I’m protected by an Official Marty Barrel Chest (r) and powered by SidLegs (TM). Demerits deflect off me…if they can catch me.
Dammit! Patty, that’s supposed to say “Yes.”
My hockey weekend was very bi-polar. Friday as you all know, I was pretty much suicidal. But then Saturday we got to beat the Avs, AND screw up their franchise at home win record hehehehe. Poor Sami had to have a metal plate put in his nose. Why that bubble boy was not wearing a visor, I’ll never know.
Why that bubble boy was not wearing a visor, I’ll never know.
Sigh…they just refuse to learn, don’t they.
Poor Sami had to have a metal plate put in his nose. Why that bubble boy was not wearing a visor, I’ll never know.
*sigh* sounds like a good time *shakes head*
Well, kids, it’s the end of the day for me! Woo hoo! Hope you’re all getting really excited for the big Devils-Pens game, which Patty’s already been able to describe in pretty vivid detail. (Yes, Patty, it’s going to be exactly like that basketball game, only less competent.)
Is it on tsn any one know?
Yes, Patty, it’s going to be exactly like that basketball game, only less competent.
Really the best outcome I can hope for in this game is seeing Sid and Clarkson in a single camera shot.
I’m off, too. See you on the flip side!
alix, you are having such a tough season so far….what a drag.
Hey andrew! I tried to send you jumbotron text, but I see it was fruitless.
I appreciate your efforts Patty. Apparently the Sharks jumbotron operators aren’t nearly as cool as the Stars’.
I really am, Andrew. But they looked good on Saturday, even with our baby D, so maybe things will start to turn around. And poor you. Both your teams are kind of struggling.
If anybody’s jumbotron solicits text messages, you’ll need to somehow let us know here at IPB so we can shout out to you.
Next time I go to the Stars game, y’all can text to 88222 (or 882222, but I think it’s only three 2’s). Just text “stars” and then your message.
(No quotes and all lower-case.)
“But they looked good on Saturday, even with our baby D, so maybe things will start to turn around.”
I hear ya. I swear I’ll never make fun of Nonis for stacking on D-men again.
“And poor you. Both your teams are kind of struggling.”
Meh, I’ll be alright. Both teams have gone through much much worse in the past. I purposefully haven’t even looked at their overall records for the entire month. Keeps me relatively sane. But, now that they’re both playing divisional opponents for the next month, I’ll probably be a basket case.
Wow, who could have predicted this?
Andrew, I am considering just ignoring the Sabres tonight. I can’t deal with them! I am fully braced for 9 straight divisional losses…..I just don’t want to witness it.
Yeah November is going to be scary.
I guess the entire league is all-division-all-the-time in November.
I think the schedulers have a big party and get totally hammered and then start making the schedule. Laughing uproariously the whole time.
“Andrew, I am considering just ignoring the Sabres tonight. I can’t deal with them! I am fully braced for 9 straight divisional losses…..I just don’t want to witness it.”
I’m with you in principal, Katebits…but I just can’t do it, I have this “thing” about my games, I simply can’t choose to ignore one. It doesn’t matter how painful or pointless, I have to watch. I guess I’m a sucker for punishment! Hmmm, maybe I should consider relocating to Buffalo.
You never know, Katebits! I was absolutely convinced the Canucks were going to lose on Saturday, and they totally surprised me. The Sabres might finally get their shit together.
“I think the schedulers have a big party and get totally hammered and then start making the schedule.”
Ha! ya think?!
I personally think they’re making it while taking hits off the gravity bong.
You are so right, Patty! That’s the only explanation. This schedule is madness. This is like the third time the Canucks have had 4 days off between games, and then games back to back.
I am fully braced for 9 straight divisional losses…..I just don’t want to witness it
Tell me about it. I’m going to my monthly book discussion and if the score is rotten by the time I get home at 8:30 I’m totally watching on fastforward.
Also, my cat is eating apple pie right this second and it’s kind of weirding me out.