The scene: A Kwik E Mart in North Jersey, late at night. Two pairs of headlights can be seen in the parking lot outside, one from a sports car and the other from a bus. The store is deserted but for two shoppers, JAY PANDOLFO and SCOTT GOMEZ, who meet accidentally at the cash register as they are finishing up their respective shopping runs.
PANDO: Awkwardly, juggling a three cases of beer in his arms. “Hey, Gomah. Uh, I didn’t expect to see you here.”
GOMEZ: Equally awkward, trying to hide the bottle he’s holding behind his back. “Oh. Pando. Um, yeah. Good to see you.”
Long, painful pause.
PANDO: Rolling his eyes at the effort needed to start a conversation. “So what are you doing out here? Don’t they have Kwik E Marts in the City?”
GOMEZ: “Uh, yeah, they do.” Uncomfortable pause. “It’s just that, you know…” Shrugging, trailing off.
PANDO: “No, I don’t know.”
GOMEZ: Blushing. “Well, this is the one Jagsie — I mean, er, Jaromir likes going to.”
PANDO: A smirk spreading across his face. “Did you just call Jaromir Jagr ‘Jagsie’?”
GOMEZ: Barely audibly. “Uh, no?”
PANDO: “So this is Jagsie’s favorite convenience store? Whatevah. But why on earth would that make you drive out from The City this late at night?”
They are interrupted by a long, angry honk of the sports car’s horn, and muffled, Czech-accented shouting can be heard through the window at the front of the store.
GOMEZ: Laughing nervously. “Funny story. Uh… Jaromir is actually waiting in the car.”
PANDO: Eyebrows jumping in surprise. “You and Jagsie are hanging out together in North Jersey tonight? Wait, no — You and Jagsie hang out at all?”
GOMEZ: “Well, no, not so much.” More pained silence. “He kind of asked me to drive him out here.”
PANDO: Looks over Gomez’s shoulder to the parking lot. “That’s not your car.”
GOMEZ: Cringing. “Yeah, no. It’s his. He asked me to drive him in his car here.”
PANDO: “Is he not capable of driving himself?”
GOMEZ: “He got in a little fender bender last time he drove out here, so I guess he’s decided he really needs me to do this for him. Or something. I dunno. He’s sort of weird about wanting me to do everything for him, then wanting to do everything himself. I kind of have to do what he asks, though, don’t I? I mean, he is my captain.”
PANDO: Derisive snort.
GOMEZ: Bristling defensively. “That’s some attitude for a guy who’ll do anything for his team. I mean, are you telling me that you’d tell Patty to go fuck himself if he called you at midnight and demanded you drive him to the middle of nowhere to pick up some tincture of prunes?”
PANDO: “WHAT??? Tincture of prunes???” Somehow manages to balance the beers while still grabbing the bottle Gomez unsuccessfully attempted to conceal behind his back.
GOMEZ: “So Jagsi– Jaromir likes tincture of prunes. And so this is the only store that sells it around here. That’s not my problem.”
PANDO: “It is if you’re driving out here at midnight to pick it up for him.”
GOMEZ: “That’s not the point. And don’t try to change the subject — you would totally do this if Patty told you to.”
PANDO: Smugly. “Patty’s not my captain anymore.”
GOMEZ: A flash of hurt in his eyes. “Wait, what?”
PANDO: Smugger. “No more Captain Hugs for us.”
GOMEZ: “But… but…” Struggles to keep his face expressionless. “Um… Well. Wow. Huh. That’s good. I guess. So… who’s captain now?”
PANDO: Smuggest. “Me.”
GOMEZ: Stunned into silence.
PANDO: Cracking up. “I’m just shitting you. I’m totally not captain. Like I’d ever want a C if all the other guys on the team weren’t wearing them too. But seriously, Langer’s the captain now.”
GOMEZ: Exhaling with relief at the news that Pando isn’t captain, then sucking in his breath in a sharp hiss at the mention of Langer. “Aw, fuck. I bet he’s a really cool captain.”
PANDO: Nodding at the cases of beer. “Yeah, he really is. We’re having a party tonight.”
GOMEZ: “Oh.” Long, decreasingly expectant pause. “Well, I wouldn’t want to keep you from it.”
They are interrupted by another honk from the parking lot, this time from the bus. It is followed by the sound of a group of guys giggling.
PANDO: “Oh, it’s no biggie. That’s our party bus, so we can take our party everywhere we go.”
GOMEZ: “You guys have a party bus now?”
PANDO: “You don’t? I always figured the Rangers had to have one. I mean, why else would guys go there?”
GOMEZ: Primly. “You know I’m getting paid over 12 times as much as you are this year, right?”
PANDO: Shrugging. “That’s okay with me. Hey, can you hand me some of those Slim Jims behind you?”
GOMEZ: “I’m also a superstar now. I mean, I’m playing at Madison Square Garden every night.”
PANDO: Innocently. “Are you getting lots of points? I know you were really looking forward to getting away from our defensive system.”
GOMEZ: Doesn’t respond as he pretends to “accidentally” knock over the Slim Jim display.
PANDO: “Seriously. How’s the run-and-gun offense going?”
GOMEZ: Suddenly haughty. “We play defense. Excellent defense.”
PANDO: Nodding with fake sympathy. “That must be lots of fun for you.”
GOMEZ: Clearly lying. “It is. I love it. I mean, obviously it’s really comfortable for me to be in a system like that, only now I’m making a lot of money and my jersey says ‘RANGERS’ on it. It really doesn’t get better than that, you know.”
PANDO: “Sure.”
GOMEZ: Slyly thinking he’s about to gain the upper hand. “So how’s your season going? Still getting no fans in the building? Stumbling out of the gate? Same old boring Devils?”
PANDO: “Oh, well, yeah, we did start a bit slow, and the attendance is a work in progress, but really, it’s all pretty good. We’ve got this great new building, you know.”
GOMEZ: Smirking. “New building, but same old Devils, right?”
PANDO: Smirking back. “Think again. It took a while to get used to it, but…” Shrugs contentedly. “The new coach is all about forechecking and shit.”
GOMEZ: Another flash of hurt in his eyes. “Really?” Pause, then meanly, “Well, not like that would matter to you.”
PANDO: Supremely self-assured. “Sure, whatevah, Gomah.” He steps up to the cash register and pays for his beer and Slim Jims. “Look, I gotta go. The Party Bus is waiting for me — and my eight goals. See you around.”
GOMEZ: Eyes bugging out with surprise. “You have eight goals?” Darts after Pando on his way out the door. “Wait, Pando!”
PANDO: Suddenly impatient. “What is it, Gomah?”
GOMEZ: Haltingly. “I miss you. I miss us. I want my BFF back.”
PANDO: Exhales a small sigh, then smirks again. “Sorry, Gomah. I’ve got a whole bus full of BFFs now. It’s the best room I’ve evah been in.” Shifts the cases of beer onto one hip as he digs some change out of his pocket, then tosses the coins to Gomez “Look, there’s some money for your tolls. Have a fun night with Jagsie.” Spins on his heel and strides out to the bus, where he is greeted warmly by his teammates.
GOMEZ: Looks down at the bottle in his hands as his tears splatter onto the Tincture of Prunes label. “What have I done?”
End.
I WANT TO RIDE ON THE DEVILS PARTY BUS!!
I think my favorite visual was the tears dripping on the Tincture of Prunes label. Brilliant. I mean, it just wouldn’t have been as funny if it were a bottle of Pepto or something.
I WANT TO RIDE ON THE DEVILS PARTY BUS!!
Aw, we’re all riding the Devils’ Party Bus in spirit, right?
And as for the Tincture of Prunes, thanks. Of course, we’re just calling ‘em like we sees ‘em. :D
I want the Stars to have a party bus. And I wouldn’t mind hanging out in the Devils party bus. Captain Fuck This Shit awaits!
This is amazing! Go Pando! (And how sad is it that any appearance of his Boston accent sent me into a fit of giggles. Who knew “Gomah” and “whatevah” were so endlessly hilarious!)
I’d love to see the kind of awkward encounter Drury and Crunchy would have in a convenience store… I think that would be the death glare to end all death glares right there.
Who knew “Gomah” and “whatevah” were so endlessly hilarious!
It never gets tired for me. I waffled about whether to write them that way, but ultimately it just had to be done! It would be awful for someone who doesn’t know Pando to read this and not know that’s how he pronounces it. :P
I’d love to see the kind of awkward encounter Drury and Crunchy would have in a convenience store… I think that would be the death glare to end all death glares right there.
Yeah, “*Death Glare*” would kind of be the entirety of that scene.
Who knew “Gomah” and “whatevah” were so endlessly hilarious!
The best is that the Devils unsung hero award is called “the Player’s Player” and Pando wins it every year, thus making it the “Playah’s Playah” Award. He also was seen on a Devils video about Halloween Costumes referring to a “Stahmtroopah from ‘Stah Wahs’”. It was classic. Simply classic.
“Stahmtroopah from Stah Wahs” is my all-time favorite Pandoism. It actually supplanted “Playah’s Playah” in my heart, but only by the narrowest of margins.
Yeah, “*Death Glare*” would kind of be the entirety of that scene.
I agree.
Crunchy: *death glare*
Drury: *desperately trying to look anywhere other than at death glare*
Crunchy: *death glare*
End
“Stahmtroopah from ‘Stah Wahs’”
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Is that video on the Devil’s site? Because I think I need to see it.
The video is on the Devils site, under Devil’s TV and then Devil’s Insider. It’s called “Ask the Devil’s”.
I think Drury would just look back at Crunchy’s death glare with that bland, vapid Drury face until finally Crunchy fells him out of anger.
Yeah, Crunchy would grab the first thing at hand on the shelves and bludgeon Drury with it, after his death glare failed to get the job done. I mean, we all know what kind of homicidal rages he falls into — we heard his father talk about them last year!
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
I think Drury would just look back at Crunchy’s death glare with that bland, vapid Drury face until finally Crunchy fells him out of anger.
Yeah, I couldn’t decide whether Drury would quail in the face of such intense emotion, or whether he would just flat out fail to recognize it. I guess I forgot that he’s a just a sad, empty-hearted herpes robot. Actually I think the death glare might just cause him to burst into flames. Herpes robots are emotionally flammable like that.
It’s called “Ask the Devil’s”.
Well played, Pookie!
That was for the post. :)
“Stahmtroopah from ‘Stah Wahs’” and Crunchy death glares also :D
By the way, this sounds like an awesome Sabres game that I’m not watching! Heather must be having a blast!
I mean, we all know what kind of homicidal rages he falls into — we heard his father talk about them last year!
What did he say?
That was for the post. :)
Thanks, zot!
It’s called “Ask the Devil’s”.
I’m with Gambler — that was very nicely done!
And I might actually get up when Pookie’s driving home and turn on some hockey for a change, if that Sabres game is a good one. I normally don’t turn on the TV until she gets home, but I’ve been sitting in the chair in front of our computer desk for almost nine hours uninterrupted today. My fanny fatigue is killing me.
I’d love to see the kind of awkward encounter Drury and Crunchy would have in a convenience store…
Don’t tell me this is the source for the Crunchy and a meat locker feature they’re going to show during the second intermission?
What did he say?
If I remember correctly, he said, talking about beating Crunchy in a game of golf, something like, “He’d get that look in his eye. You don’t know if he’s going to come back at you with knife, or a rope, what.” It was in the paper.
That’s our goaltender! Good ole homicidally competitive Crunchy!
What did he say?
It was this totally hilarious article that probably made Crunchy go “DA-AD! Shut UP!” while death glaring at him when he read it. His dad regaled the writer with a story of a 15-year-old Crunchy (at least I think it was a teenaged Crunchy) having a complete and utter meltdown while choking on a putt while golfing with his dad. And Papa Crunchy chortled all like, “With Crunchy you just never know if he’s going to come at you with a knife or a rope or something.” Like, “HAHAHA! He’s mentally unstable! You know how it is!” Poor crazy Crunchy. Capable of anything. He’s such a wreck.
with knife, or a rope, what.
Uhhhhh, yeah, all those words got effed up. How about “with a knife, a rope, or what.” Good thing andrew’s not around to kick me out.
Don’t tell me this is the source for the Crunchy and a meat locker feature they’re going to show during the second intermission?
Is that what RJ was talking about? The radio came back from the intermission just in time for me to hear “Ryan Miller in a meat locker!” Ummm, what now?
And I might actually get up when Pookie’s driving home and turn on some hockey for a change, if that Sabres game is a good one.
Well, there’s still plenty of time for it to turn south, but as of right now it sounds like the Dr. Jekyll Sabres came to play tonight. Thankfully.
Hmm, no wonder the RFRs were all on edge for most of last week.
Speaking of RFR goalies, why is Emery out and Gerber in?
Well, there’s still plenty of time for it to turn south, but as of right now it sounds like the Dr. Jekyll Sabres came to play tonight.
It better NOT turn south! I just got up, I’ve got dinner in the oven, beans soaking for tomorrow’s dinner, the Christmas tree is all plugged in and glowing happily, and my butt is like, “Ahhhhh… Thank heavens for the comfy couch cushions.” Of course, I’m getting only the Islanders feed, so no Crunchy in a meat locker for me. :( (The Islanders assistant coach just called Gaustad a “big hippo”.)
The Islanders assistant coach just called Gaustad a “big hippo”.
What? It’s because of all the extra spoonfuls of ice cream Goose eats, isn’t it? Crunchy paid this guy off, didn’t he?
By the way, this Halloween video is hilarious! I think I’m going to watch it ten times! (And “Stahmtroopah from ‘Stah Wahs’” was everything I hoped it would be.)
It’s because of all the extra spoonfuls of ice cream Goose eats, isn’t it? Crunchy paid this guy off, didn’t he?
Poor Goose is going to have the worst body-image problems if Crunchy keeps this up! (To be fair, the guy called Vanek a hippo, too. I think because they’ve been standing in front of the net. Or because they’re really hippy and fat.)
I’m so glad you enjoyed the Halloween video! The Devils have never, in the 12 years I’ve known them, produced ANYTHING that spunky. How adorable were they all? I mean, Langer’s delicious smirk after saying he dressed as a Playboy bunny, Sarge being all, “Yeah, I’m the bomb. I dressed as Sherlock Holmes”, Patty being the cultural goodwill ambassador between the US and Czech, Travis not able to pronounce the word “turtle”, Zach admitting he has no friends, Paulie being almost literally blindingly white, and so much more — I just love it all!
Okay guys, Caitlin just opened her present. My neighbors probably hate me because there was lots of screaming.
So far from what I’ve seen, this game sucks. :P (Furthermore, because I’m listening to Howie Rose, it totally took me forever to realize that Heather was at this game in Buffalo and had not, in fact, made the trip down to the Island.)
Cat, if there hadn’t been screaming, it would have been because she keeled over from the overwhelming shock of it all!
So far from what I’ve seen, this game sucks. :P
Yeah, I was just about to say the same thing. I don’t know if the first two periods were actually better, but they sure sounded better on the radio. Sorry if you feel you were misled, Schnookie! @@@@@
Okay guys, Caitlin just opened her present. My neighbors probably hate me because there was lots of screaming.
Okay, I have to know now. What is it?!?!
Sorry if you feel you were misled, Schnookie! @@@@@
It’s probably my fault for turning it on! It would have been fine if I’d just let it be! :D (Oh, and I have to say of the word “misled”, a friend of ours admitted recently that for years she knew the word “misled” when it was spoken, but always thought, when she saw it in writing, that it was a different word that was pronounced “mEYE-zuld”)
I’ll let Schnookie explain, because I’m still telling Caitlin the stories about getting it. Hee.
WOOO HOOO!!! For a moment I flipped to the Rangers game and came back to see the Sabres had scored while I was gone. So I was all ready to just go away, and Staffy scores! I guess I can stay here, after all.
Aw, crap. If that goal stands, after the one they took away from Mike Mottau in DC on Monday, I’m going to be very pissy. I should just go away now. If I hadn’t been here, Staffy would have scored clean. But because I’m watching he has to kick the puck in.
Cat, is it cool if I just quote the email you sent me?
That’s totally cool, Schnookie!!
STAFFY STOMP NOW!
(See, this is what happens when I watch hockey without Pookie around. I have no one to talk to other than you guys. I’m spamming my own comment thread!)
Okay, here’s the story of Caitlin’s present, as emailed to me by Cat:
So we have these silly inside jokes about our team…Like “Life With Russian”. We were speculating on where Matt Niskanen lived, and thought it would be really funny if he lived with Sergei Zubov. This led to written dialogues about Life With Russian. One consists of Happy Meals changing the channel to Ren and Stimpy when Russian is trying to watch Meerkat Manor, and the other is Russian getting angry at Happy Meals for stealing his Cocoa Puffs. One time one of us had a dream about Antti Miettinen, and how he can’t speak English so well (which is funny, because out of all the Finns, his English is the best), and so to communicate, we drew pictures to each other.
So what do fellow Untypical Girl Jenlo and I do?
We go to practice with a box of Cocoa Puffs, a few sheets of paper, and a shirt we made that says “Jussi is Juicy” (because come on, you know you want to pronounce it “juicy” instead of “you-see”). We got Happy Meals to sign the box of Cocoa Puffs, and write “HaHa I stole these!” on it. We got Mittens to draw us a picture (he drew a cloud and two birds, like, the kind where you just draw a V, and signed it). We got Jussi to sign the shirt. And we’re giving it all to Caitlin. We wanted to get Russian to sign the Cocoa Puffs too, but we were too scared.
BEST PRESENT EVER, AMIRITE? Definitely the weirdest. The best part is that Happy Meals was all “Okay, sure, I’ll totally sign this box of Cocoa Puffs, and then take a picture with you”. He’s a little handsy, that Happy Meals. He pulled me over to him, so it looks like I’m trying to get closer to him, but really it’s HIS fault. I swear.
There’s no way that goal could have counted. But you shouldn’t blame yourself, Schnookie, the fact that he didn’t score clean on that wide open net is all on Staffy. Bad Staffy!
Hee! The house announcer just said Jochen Heeeeeecht in a really ridiculous way!
That IS the best present ever!
Holy shit! That gift is AMAZING!!!!!!! Seriously, the Cocoa Puffs box alone is killing me! Well, well done, Cat and Jenlo!
But you shouldn’t blame yourself, Schnookie, the fact that he didn’t score clean on that wide open net is all on Staffy. Bad Staffy!
Woo! Big talk while Pookie’s not around to defend her boy! I’ll say on her behalf that that no-goal was all on whoever fed Staffy such a crappy pass into his skates. :P
(We’re having dinner in half an hour. Is it a bad thing, then, that I’m gorging myself on cookies right now?)
That IS the best present ever!
I would absolutely DIE if someone gave me a similar present! We had a longstanding joke about how we’d ask for autographs, from back in the day when we had our own pencil-and-paper fantasy hockey league. Pookie’s team was called “The Pooping Fops” and she said she wanted to get all her players’ autographs when we were at the ’97 A-S game, but made out “To Pookie, The GM of the Greatest Team Ever, The Pooping Fops, [Autograph].” I told her I’d be too embarrassed to ask for that, so I’d instead have them sign “The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog” and I’d cut out the letters and rearrange them to say what she wanted. We realized we’d be short some “O”s and “P”s, so I suggested they could add “Oop oop foop” at the end of the sentence. (We now sign off our emails with “oop oop foop”, by the way) When I read Cat’s story, I suddenly imagined what it would be like to get an autograph made out that way, and really, it almost killed me. If Caitlin survived the surprise of this gift today, I am going to be so impressed! :D
Ew! I just had to watch Mike Comrie on the bench tugging down his shirt collar and making cringing, whining “it huuuuuurts” faces after getting an accidental spear in the throat. Get over yourself, Little Bitch.
Incidentally, Caitlin DID survive. Jenlo got it all on video. It’ll be up on Photobucket later, we’ll link you. It’s hysterical. At one point, all you can hear is “MITTENS!!” And there’s a lot of “OH MY FUCKING GOD!”
You know what kills me about the Great Caitlin Gift Experience? That Mittens drew a picture for them. I can’t even imagine! The Stars are such gamers!
HA! That’s awesome, Schnookie.
Yes! I think that was my favourite part too. I love how he’s just all “Sure! No problem!” Totally awesome.
And I use the word awesome too much…
And I use the word awesome too much…
I have become an awesomeaholic since starting blogging.
Woo! Big talk while Pookie’s not around to defend her boy!
Okay, I guess it was too harsh calling Staffy out individually like that. What I should have said is that it’s ridiculous that no Sabre managed to score cleanly on that glorious chance! Although I think with the angles and the positioning of Pretty Ricky, Vanek had no choice but to pass it into Staffy’s skates and hope he could make the best of it. Or Vanek sucks. Either one.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: to all the “oop oop foop” business.
Mittens drew a picture for them. I can’t even imagine!
I can’t even imagine asking a player to draw a picture for me! That took guts, guys!
I can’t even imagine asking a player to draw a picture for me! That took guts, guys!
Yeah, part of why I can’t imagine the end result is that I really can’t imagine initiating it!
Or Vanek sucks.
WORD. *Staffy-style, unibrowed death-glare*
It really did take guts! After hearing this hilarious tale, I realize that it is my life mission to get Matty O to draw a giraffe for me. But chances are I will chicken out and hide behind my potted plant.
We told Mittens he could draw whatever he wanted. He drew a picture of birds. Click here and you can see it. We were kind of hoping for something a little…Well, more, but whatever, it works. It’s a PICTURE DRAWN BY MITTENS.
But chances are I will chicken out and hide behind my potted plant.
Jenlo and I were scared that we’d chicken out. The only thing we chickened out on was getting Russian to sign the Cocoa Puffs, which…Well, Russian is scary.
It is rather sparse, but still ten kinds of fantastic!
Alrighty, I’m off to watch my boys play the big bad ducks. Should be interesting. No Louie, and three brand new baby call up forwards. Have a good night, everybody!
Hee. Russian is quite scary. Totally fabulous, but scary.
Awww, poor Vanek. He gets no love except from his piles upon piles of loot. (They just showed a replay of the goal, and yeah, there was nothing else for him to do. Not that it changes the fact that he’s been somewhat less than pleasantly surprising this season.)
Man, I wouldn’t want to be Mittens’ partner in Pictionary. (Kidding! It’s totally awesome.)
OH MY GOD! The picture is even more wonderful than I could have imagined! THIS IS SO AWESOME!
That is the best gift I’ve ever heard of, Cat and Jenlo!!!
The Stars are going to start recognizing y’all!!
I’m so impressed with your guts. I would have chickened out, I bet. But I would never come up with something so awesome in the first place!
[I have become an awesomeaholic since starting blogging.
Me, too.]
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: to all the “oop oop foop” business.
Seconded.
Hilarious post, by the way. I am trying not to feel sorry for Gomer in light of that little scene.
Also, you were right to spell out Pando’s accent because I can’t bring his voice to mind very easily without it.
Oh, here are more pictures of the presents:
“Haha I stole these!”
If I used the flash, it didn’t work, but this is Niskanen’s signature
Jussi Is Juicy
Now, Boucher is going to have to stop telling the story of the girl that had him sign her house key, because those totally top that.
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention. Jenlo gave all the players Christmas cards. Some were totally awesome about it. Russian looked like he was frightened there was a bomb in the card, but Brad Winchester was all “FOR ME?! THANKS! MERRY CHRISTMAS!” Smitty was all “Hey, sweet.” There were some pretty funny stories about it, we’ll write about it on Untypical Girls.
The best? On the back of Brenden Morrow’s envelope, Jenlo wrote “Please do another ‘On the Ice’ video because it’s hysterical and you’re awesome”, or something along those lines. BRENDEN READ IT WHILE HE WAS WALKING OUT THE DOOR. Jenlo reports that he was smiling when he read it. She mentions his awesome Morrownation skills in the card, too.
She started Mittens’ card “Dear Finnja Mittens, I love you so hard.” NO LIE, YOU GUYS. She also requested that he teach her Finnish, because in case you guys don’t know, the Untypical Girls are going to wreak havoc on Suomi next year.
…This either makes us look totally awesome, or like complete psychopaths. Either way, I guess it gets people talking.
This is ANOTHER awesome post! I actually feel sort of bad for poor Gomah! Good GOD, what could be worse than being excluded from the Devils’ party bus? Pando is so cute…..
Cat, I can’t believe your moxie!
For some reason I am particularly taken with the “Haha I stole these” Coco Puffs.
You guys, don’t feel sorry for Gomer! He chose to not be on the Devil’s Party Bus! He made his bed! This would be like feeling sorry for Drury — FUCK HIM! The Devil’s are funner without him!
Patty, you should watch Pando saying “Stahmtroopah from Stah Wahs” a few times, and you’ll ALWAYS have his voice down pat. :D
Cat, I can’t believe your moxie!
Moxie is SO the right word for it! And the Coco Puffs picture is, to use my favoritest word, awesome.
(Oh, and sorry we’re a little distant right now — gotta catch up with ANTM! Dude, Saleisha better win. We HATE Chantal.)
Man, I wouldn’t want to be Mittens’ partner in Pictionary.
It’s dignity, Luanne!
Untypical Girls, all of you, this is the funniest thing ever! The Coco Puffs, the t-shirt, especially the drawing! So. Fucking. Awesome.
(Yeah, I said it, awesome. Maybe we should try a Day Without Awesome on IPB someday and see what when end up using instead.)
He chose to not be on the Devil’s Party Bus! He made his bed! This would be like feeling sorry for Drury — FUCK HIM!
You are so right! I’m sorry I felt bad for him at all! Go sit in the car with Jagsies, Gomer. You suck.
Cat and Jenlo, that was a stupendous gift! I wish I had cool little stories like that.
So what happened with that Crunchy meat locker story? (I had to go help my mom with dinner.)
Go sit in the car with Jagsies, Gomer. You suck.
Thank you. I feel much better now. I was worried you all had forgotten the truth about Gomez.
Pookie, a day without “awesome” would probably make my head explode. Or at least my hands, in their inability to type anything but “awesome”.
Man, alix is totally enjoying this game more than I am. :|
Man, alix is totally enjoying this game more than I am. :|
We’ll be turning it on when we finish up with ANTM, zot. At that point we’ll be sad for Getzi not winning. :P
Okay, so one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard happened tonight. Toni Lydman scored his goal and this is what happened:
PA ANNOUNCER: With Buffalo’s SECOND goal of the night, his FIRST of the season, NUMBER… … … :::silence:::
CROWD: FIIIIIIVE!
PA ANNOUNCER: … NUMBER fiiiiiiive, TONI LYDMAN!
Aww, Toni Tony Tone! (Did I do that right?) And I’m still burning with curiosity about that meat locker…
That’s so funny, Heather! The crowd loves Toni Tony Tone!
PA ANNOUNCER: With Buffalo’s SECOND goal of the night, his FIRST of the season, NUMBER… … … :::silence:::
CROWD: FIIIIIIVE!
PA ANNOUNCER: … NUMBER fiiiiiiive, TONI LYDMAN!
That’s HILARIOUS!
And I’m also dying of curiosity about that meat locker! What was my boyfriend doing with his yogurt-covered raisins in a meat locker?
I don’t know about this meat locker thing. Someone else will have to fill you guys in there. And I hope they do because I’m dying of curiosity as well.
What was my boyfriend doing with his yogurt-covered raisins in a meat locker?
Maybe he was dipping his own raisins and did it in the meat cooler because the yogurt dries faster. Or not.
Dangit! I benched Gerber tonight, in favor of Ward since Emery was starting, but Emery had to have a sore hip or something and Gerber got a shutout while Ward let in 6. Arrgggghhhh!!!!
Hi IPB!
I survived! And it was awesome, and I am still in shock. Mittens drew a picture! Jussi had to sign a shirt that says JUSSI IS JUICY. They handed out Christmas cards! HAPPY MEALS SIGNED AN EMPTY BOX OF COCOA PUFFS!
And still in the middle of this, I laughed my ass off at Psycho!Crunchy. Poor Crunchy. And oop oop foop?
I love it!
I benched Gerber tonight, in favor of Ward since Emery was starting, but Emery had to have a sore hip or something and Gerber got a shutout while Ward let in 6. Arrgggghhhh!!!!
I just saw the very end of that game and I thought the broadcasters were saying that Emery still gets the win, because the score was the same as when he left. Not sure how they give the shutout, though. Or if those guys were even right.
Dangit! I benched Gerber tonight, in favor of Ward since Emery was starting, but Emery had to have a sore hip or something and Gerber got a shutout while Ward let in 6. Arrgggghhhh!!!!
That’s like the worst fantasy night EVER!
Caitlin, I’m so glad to hear you survived the BEST PRESENT OF ALL TIME!
alix, I’m still mad at that Alex Burrows for slashing little Brenden Morrow in the playoffs, but he is a handsome man.
Hey, Caitlin! Glad to hear you came out unscathed! I’m surprised you can still talk after all that. :D
Alrighty, I’m off to watch my boys play the big bad ducks. Should be interesting. No Louie, and three brand new baby call up forwards.
I think the baby forwards heard you, alix.
Jenlo gave all the players Christmas cards.
Did y’all include your blog address?
Did y’all include your blog address?
She forgot, the stupid, stupid girl. Stu Barnes and Mike Smith both have my business card, which is for the blog (we mostly made them as a way to give hot guys our number at games, the blog address is a bonus). She did, however, put her return address on the envelopes, because she expected to mail them. If she gets any Christmas cards back, I will pee myself.
I just saw the very end of that game and I thought the broadcasters were saying that Emery still gets the win, because the score was the same as when he left. Not sure how they give the shutout, though. Or if those guys were even right.
That’s interesting. Maybe they’ll both get the shutout? Since they both technically did, even if Emery only blocked one shot.
“Man, alix is totally enjoying this game more than I am. :|”
Yeah, I really am enjoying this game :)
“I think the baby forwards heard you, alix.”
They totally did! Good little buttons!
“alix, I’m still mad at that Alex Burrows for slashing little Brenden Morrow in the playoffs, but he is a handsome man.”
He totally is,eh? Such a punk, but such a cute punk. He has this awesome French Canadian accent too. I adore Burrows.
Did anyone else have a Joe Motzko sighting tonight? :P
(Caitlin, I’m so excited for your present, it sounds amazing – I was reading all about it at Untypical Girls as you know but I had to say it again because I just read about the Cocoa Puffs and the pink shirt…you girls are hilarious.)
Oh, and IPB ladies, that post was hilarious – sorry, didn’t mean to sweep in here and totally ignore all the hard work you did researching Gomer the douchebag and Jagr, his evil king. Lovely :)
Hey CC! I had a very brief Caps sighting tonight, but then saw things go from 4-3 Caps to a 4-4 tie and I decided to ignore the rest of the game. :D
And thanks for admiring our deep-digging research!
Well, it was 2-0 Rags at one point so the 4-4 tie was not so bad. It wasn’t great, either, but…it’s the Caps. I’ll take what I can get. And the win was nice ;)
OH!!! I wanted to tell you, they played the chicken dance and so on a whim I threw in “the Rangers SUCK!!” and it caught on! We had the whole arena doing it and then they played the chicken dance about 4 more times because of it! Just thought you would like that…
CC, you just warmed the cockles of my heart! (It’s totally best cheer ever, isn’t it?)
Oh, and congrats on the win!
You’re spreading the Chicken Dance Rangers Suck joy! I’m so excited! I have a coworker who sings a lot at work and just yesterday she sang the Chicken Dance music and I didn’t even realize that I added, “The Rangers suck!” Everyone around me was like, “Wha-huh? You’re nuts!”
It really is a great cheer! Everyone in my section was laughing and telling me they loved it…so naturally I took all the credit. But yes, I am so proud that I spread that cheer – I’ve never started a cheer before, ever, so it was fun :P
The win was fantastic. It was just a really fun game and good golly Miss Molly, Joe Motzko had 2 freaking goals. So he definitely exists. Not sure if you were still questioning his existence or not…
Motzko is all myth! 2 goals or no!
So next Rangers game are you going to get everyone singing “If you know the Rangers suck, clap your hands”?
Just like Bigfoot, he has been captured on film…and oh look, is that a Brooks Laich I see next to him? Why yes, it is!
So…I’d managed to never watch the Halloween costume ‘Ask the Devils’ feature before. And now I have a highly disturbing mental image of Jamie in a Playboy Bunny costume in my head. o.O
Also, is it just me and my irrational love of highlight montages set to cheesy 80s music, or is this basically the greatest video ever?
Film can be doctored…
:^:::::::: I don’t know, we’re a simple people. Too many cheers confuse Caps fans. We started out trying to add “Rangers Suck!” after that stupid whistling they do (what the hell IS that??) but people really enjoyed the Chicken Dance insertion so I don’t know. I’ll have to feel out the crowd.
We started out trying to add “Rangers Suck!” after that stupid whistling they do (what the hell IS that??)
Wait, the ONLY people who don’t do “Rangers Suck!” after the whistle thing are Rangers fans. I have NO IDEA what you would do if you weren’t shouting that. I mean, I think your only other option is to yell “Potvin sucks!” but that would make you one of them. (Didn’t you guys used to be in our division? The whistle thing isn’t to be questioned — you’re just supposed to yell “Rangers suck!” when it’s over.)
Mara, I find the mental image of Langer in a Playboy Bunny costume surprisingly easy to conjure up. I think it’s his flirtatious smile after fessing up to it. :D
(Caitlin, I’m so excited for your present, it sounds amazing – I was reading all about it at Untypical Girls as you know but I had to say it again because I just read about the Cocoa Puffs and the pink shirt…you girls are hilarious.)
CapsChick! Oh my gosh! Thank you so much! Jenlo & Cat did all of the heavy lifting, for sure.
It really was a great Christmas present – I just got home and I keep looking over at the stuff like I expect it to vanish or be a weird dream or something.
Stars players must think we’re crazy, no doubt, but we just like to have fun with our little inside jokes, that’s all!
-Ookies, I’m sorry we’ve totally Roenacked your awesome post. Cat and I were in the car getting food before present-opening and I read this post on my phone and could not stop laughing. Seriously. The very idea of Gomer buying tincture of prunes for Jagsie?
I died…before I opened all of my stuff! I’m turning into Patty, abandoning my children and letting them starve to death so I can satisfy my IPB addiction. ;)
Jenlo let me have a looksie at the video. I’m not sure how I feel about myself being put up on the Internet opening my present, especially after I came from a long day at work and looked terrible but I have to admit, I’m so stupid about it that it’s funny.
-Ookies, I’m sorry we’ve totally Roenacked your awesome post.
Hey, a present that good? :)
(Glad you liked the post, though!)
Caitlin, your presents deserved a place of honor in the comments here! What a fantastic set of gifts!
I’m glad you enjoyed today’s post, too! We’re all about the people abandoning their children for us, as our mission statement says. :D
I’m so excited for the video to be uploaded. It is SO awesome. Besides, it’s only for the Irregulars, you know?
Jenlo & Cat did all of the heavy lifting, for sure.
Um, that is definitely true. Asking Mittens to draw us a picture was REALLY HARD, you guys. But afterwards, I seriously felt like I could do anything. I bet I could have told Chris Pronger, to his face, how much he sucks and I hate him…TO HIS FACE.
We’re all about the people abandoning their children for us, as our mission statement says.
I’d better watch out. I have a feeling my adoptive brother Bryz will get very upset if I forget to feed the toaster children on time and they don’t get their regular doses of DuckTales and Wil E. Coyote.
Caitlin, your presents deserved a place of honor in the comments here!
What a fantastic set of gifts!
Awww, thanks guys!
Okay, sorry to hijack the thread for a second, but I have a very important question to ask everyone, as I greatly respect your hockey fan expertise:
So my boyfriend, being the wonderfully aware guy that he is, decided to give into my many obvious hints get me a Yo-Yo sweater for my birthday. And knowing I wouldn’t be satisfied unless everything were PERFECT, he’s smartly letting me pick it out myself. So I already knew I wanted the blue throwback variety, and the name and number are a given, but I’m really stumped on the A vs C decision. Yo-Yo wore the C only for a month, but it definitely suited him and I’d like to honor that accomplishment. The problem is, he’s never worn the C on this particular variety of sweater. Am I breaking some sort of law creating a kind of jersey that he’s never actually worn on the ice? Am I wrong to feel like I’m shortchanging him by settling for the A? Am I completely out of my mind?!? (Don’t answer that last one.) Being a hockey fan is stressful.
Wooohoo! I forgot what winning was like. Sorry Zot.
Am I breaking some sort of law creating a kind of jersey that he’s never actually worn on the ice? Am I wrong to feel like I’m shortchanging him by settling for the A? Am I completely out of my mind?!?
No, you’re not out of your mind. These are excellent questions you ask, and it’s tough to say. I know that I would not want to mess with the letters and shit for any Devil’s sweaters, but in this case you’re just looking at a technicality, really. I mean, Yo-Yo had a C. The fact that it was never sewn onto the throwback is beside the point. If the throwback had been worn that month, it would have had a C on it. It’s not like you’d be putting a C on a Soupy sweater or anything crazy like that. (Wait. Fuck.) So I think it’s well within the parameters of acceptable sweater etiquette to go for it.
The problem is, he’s never worn the C on this particular variety of sweater. Am I breaking some sort of law creating a kind of jersey that he’s never actually worn on the ice?
Gambler, I have a feeling that if Jenlo had the opportunity, she would have had a Brenden Morrow jersey with a C long before Brenden was ever captain.
If I can order a Finnish national hockey jersey with the word “FINNJA” on the nameplate, I think a C is perfectly acceptable. Honoring Yo-Yo’s accomplishment is totally rad!
I’ve seen every variety of sweater you can imagine. I’ve seen a guy walking around in a 99 Stars sweater that’s got the name STANLEY on the nameplate. Do what makes you feel best, and screw anyone who says otherwise!
Ditto what Schnookie and Caitlin said.
But yes, I am so proud that I spread that cheer – I’ve never started a cheer before, ever, so it was fun :P
You realize this makes you a cheerleader, don’t you? :D
Gambler, what an awesome birthday present (and a very happy belated birthday, to you)!
This is a really, really tough call but I think that your perfectly within your rights to put a “C” on that sweater. I mean, with the way their juggling all kinds of sweaters all the time, you can’t be expected to live and die by what was actually on the ice at any given time, you know? As for the “C”, rotating letters are becoming an accepted convention; I think it’s totally fair for you to want to celebrate that part of his career! I mean, when it’s all said and done, it’s your special sweater. It should be what you want it to be!
(That said, I am really, really upset that my birthday gift sweater can’t have a Stanley Cup patch. Most of my previous Devil’s sweaters had one, either for 2000 or 2003, so I feel a little naked in a Devil’s sweater without that nice big shoulder patch!)
Congrats, alix. It totally sucks that we couldn’t get more goals from all those shots in the last period, though. :| Oh well, Snieds is coming back soon. :)
I’m turning into Patty, abandoning my children and letting them starve to death so I can satisfy my IPB addiction. ;)
I think I should clarify that I don’t actually have any children.
Do I?….No…wait… Do I? Just a second. *checks other rooms*
No. No children. Heh.
Gambler, that is a nice present. Good bf! I agree with the -Ookies and Caitlin. If he had the C at some point, I think it’s perfectly valid. Also, were you the one talking about Crunchy and the meat locker? Inquiring minds want to know!
Gambler, I trust that you’ll make the right choice here!
Alright, y’all, I’m totally falling asleep and I have a long day at work ahead of me! Good night!
Do I?….No…wait… Do I? Just a second. *checks other rooms*
No. No children. Heh.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
That said, I am really, really upset that my birthday gift sweater can’t have a Stanley Cup patch. Most of my previous Devil’s sweaters had one, either for 2000 or 2003, so I feel a little naked in a Devil’s sweater without that nice big shoulder patch!
Pookie, I agree. A sweater without a Stanley Cup patch is like a body without a soul. :P
I think it’s okay, too, Gambler, to have a C on his sweater if he actually had a C at one point.
It’s their fault for changing the captaincy all the time.
Do I?….No…wait… Do I? Just a second. *checks other rooms*
Maybe you left him/her in the car.
http://www.tokyomango.com/tokyo_mango/2007/12/prank-hang-your.html
I, too, am falling asleep after my grueling day of writing tons of blog posts. I’ve been awake for THIRTEEN HOURS, guys. I’m exhausted! See you all tomorrow!
Good night, Pookie!
And everybody else, too! Because I should have been asleep hours ago, since I have to get to work at the crack of dawn tomorrow.
Tomorrow’s our Holiday Luncheon as well.
‘Night Ookies and Patty. Ooh, hey, they’re going to interview BabyCrunchy for the radio postgame show.
You realize this makes you a cheerleader, don’t you? :D
…shhhhhhhhhh, don’t tell. Gah.
Night Schnookie!! Night Pookie!!
I bet I could have told Chris Pronger, to his face, how much he sucks and I hate him…TO HIS FACE.
I can only dream of someday having that much confidence. Seriously, Cat, brava to you and Jenlo for the amazing work you did putting those gifts together. It took a lot of courage and creativity! To this day, the most creative idea I’ve had regarding hockey players’ autographs is having Staffy sign my Stafford Federal Loan request form.
Thanks for answering my questions, you guys! You’re right, it is just a technicality and it’s my special sweater and if I want to remember captain Yo-Yo forever then I’ll go ahead and do it! I’m just so terribly critical of people taking liberties with the custom jersey thing that I didn’t want to be a hypocrite. But come on, it’s not like I’m putting “Mrs. Yo-Yo” on the back. Though now that I think about it…
No. No children. Heh.
Well, not anymore, anyway.
I think putting the C on it is fine. I’m gonna (hopefully) get myself a Langenbrunner jersey in the REAL style (not the Edge crap), and I’ll have a C put on it, even though he never wore the old RBK 6100 series with a C. I just hate the Edge ones so very much.
Putting the C on it is fine, I think, for all the reasons stated above.
I can only dream of someday having that much confidence. Seriously, Cat, brava to you and Jenlo for the amazing work you did putting those gifts together. It took a lot of courage and creativity!
*blushes* Thank you! I’m super amazed that we pulled it off.
Who is ready for part 1 of the Great Caitlin Gift Experience video?
DUDE JENLO YOU KNOW WE’RE ALL READY BECAUSE IT’S SO AWESOME.
I can say that because I was there. I’m the girl with the stupid kind-of deep voice. I hate the way my voice sounds on video!!
Also, you all get to see my messy apartment!
PART 1
I hate my voice too, I sound like a boy child who hasn’t gone through puberty.
Part 2 (and a part 3 + 4 if I have to edit the video more) coming soon!
Also, were you the one talking about Crunchy and the meat locker? Inquiring minds want to know!
I heard them mention something about it on the radio, but I didn’t get TV access until the start of the third, so alas, I’m just as in the dark as everyone else. I think Amy’s the one to ask when she comes around tomorrow.
A sweater without a Stanley Cup patch is like a body without a soul. :P
Yeah! Maybe I’ll have them throw one of those on there, too! Heh…
It’s their fault for changing the captaincy all the time.
You said it, Patty, they should just give Yo-Yo the C forever and always. (Oh, and Schnookie, nice comment about Soupy. Hee!)
Goodnight everyone who was going to bed! And I forgot to thank you all for the birthday wishes the past couple of days. Considering not much happened (other some free baked goods, which were greatly appreciated), it’s kind of surprising, but it was a pretty kick-ass day!
And don’t mind the fact that everything is listed under Caitlins Birthday
I fail at life
But Caitlin says I can b assist, so that okay.
Thanks Zot. We were actually really lucky to come out on top after that third period. We were gross. Your guys were on fire in the third.
other some free baked goods, which were greatly appreciated
Dude, baked goods should ALWAYS be appreciated. Mmm, baked goods. Happy belated birthday, by the way, Gambler!!
Also, the first part of the Great Caitlin Gift Experience video is opening the card. You’ll never guess what we put in the envelope.
Goodnight everyone who was going to bed! And I forgot to thank you all for the birthday wishes the past couple of days.
Happy late birthday, Gambler! Oh god, IPB has to see my horridness and witness the terror of my serial killer laugh. I’m sorry guys.
But Caitlin says I can b assist, so that okay.
…I still say Alex Ovechkin needs a Christmas card. We could send one to Crosby, but I doubt it would make it past the little robot boy’s handlers.
We could send one to Crosby
But we all know that we would address it to Cindy Crosby. Also, we’d probably mention his concrete walkin’ skates, and his bagel furniture.
I still say Alex Ovechkin needs a Christmas card
If you girls come to DC I will take you to him and you can give him one! :P
If you girls come to DC I will take you to him and you can give him one!
I really don’t know if I could meet Alex Ovechkin.
…Wait a second. I can do anything. I remember now. Whenever I feel cowardly, I’m just going to remember asking Mittens to draw me a picture, and getting Happy Meals to sign a box of Cocoa Puffs, and I’ll remember that I’m totally rad.
Okay PART 2 IS HERE
Caitlin, don’t kill me.
ilu.
Cat, you totally could do it. If I can meet my other boys and not, you know, vomit and faint and stuff…and if you can meet my Halpie…you can meet Ovie.
I love that the second video is filled with “OH MY GOD” and “PLEASE DON’T PUT THIS ON THE INTERNET”
If you girls come to DC I will take you to him and you can give him one!
Alex Ovechkin is seriously the only hockey player I’ve really WANTED to meet, mainly because I think I could totally joke around with him and he’d joke back appropriately.
I need to go to DC! I want to see the Caps play in their home arena!
…I was so envious of that dude who did 30 games in 30 nights. I would love to do something like that.
I would LOVE to meet Ovie. I’m coming too :)
I need to go to DC! I want to see the Caps play in their home arena!
You should come!! I think…I THINK…there are tickets available to almost any game ;) I have a very comfy couch and an air mattress for all who are interested, door is always open!
Ovie is such a cutie – he’s just so happy and smiley all the time.
I would LOVE to meet Ovie. I’m coming too :)
Totally! It’s the attack of the IPB Irregulars on DC!
You should come!! I think…I THINK…there are tickets available to almost any game ;) I have a very comfy couch and an air mattress for all who are interested, door is always open!
Awww, CapsChick! ….I wonder if Southwest Airlines flies to DC? Hmmm….
I want to meet Ovie took! take me with you caitlin!
Hey, I’m coming too!
Cat, Jenlo, one word. DUH.
Who else is coming? HEE! I want to see an Eastern Conference team that I actually root for! And who can resist getting to meet the wonderful and awesome CapsChick!?
-Ookies, I know you’re sound asleep snug in your beds, but Jersey’s not that far away from DC, at least not compared to Texas to DC!
We could fly to Washington to see the Caps play the Devils on February 24 for $257 round-trip on Southwest Airlines, guys.
OR we could fly to Jersey to see the Devils play the Islanders on February 23, and then go to DC on February 24 to see the Caps before coming back to our beloved Texas.
And that previously mentioned Dallas-NJ-Washington-Dallas trip? Would cost $400 on Continental. Expedia told me so.
WOW!! I leave you alone for a few minutes and you’ve already researched this! I LOVE IT!
You should totally come – I’m serious about opening up my house to any who would like to come. I can probably sleep 3 comfortably in our apartment…more if you don’t mind just plopping down on the floor in any available space :P
I don’t think any of us can actually afford it. Next season, though. Next season. If we can afford it after going to Finland.
Or you could get a hotel room and not have to subject yourselves to palatial CC estate…either/or.
:( Damn. Well…if you figure out a way to scrape together some cash, or…I don’t know, hitchhike…let me know :P
( Damn. Well…if you figure out a way to scrape together some cash, or…I don’t know, hitchhike…let me know :P
CapsChick, we are nothing if not resourceful, creative and determined. We’ll find a way. I can totally do some homework and figure out what the heck can be done.
I’m determined to get up there THIS SEASON.
It’s my life goal to tell Alex Ovechkin, “It’s okay, Alex. You can be assist.” Well, one of them at least.
It’s almost 3:30 in the morning and I couldn’t read through all the comments, but this post was HILARIOUS! I always wonder how you guys keep on thinking of your material and you keep on topping yourself.
Dude, those videos (and the comments, and the post) made me miss my bus because I was laughing to hard, and now I’m going to be late for hockey and coach is going to rag on me but it is TOTALLY WORTH IT.
Crunchy in a meat locker? Are we sure he has enough insulation on his body to not instantly freeze to death?
I WANNA GO SEE OVIE TOO. Can’t I just mail CapsChick the card for Ovie and she can give it to him? Or something. I dunno.
Crunchy in a meat locker? Are we sure he has enough insulation on his body to not instantly freeze to death?
I’m not really sure. Since I brought it up, here’s the story of Crunchy and the meat locker.
Crunchy was needed to film a promo for the Ice Bowl. However, the creative geniuses who came up with the promo idea needed to be able to see his breath in the finished product (I guess the budget didn’t allow for CGI), so they took Crunchy down to the HSBC Arena meat locker to film the promo.
The top part of his body was his usual hockey gear: mask, sweater, pads, etc, while his bottom was jeans and sneaks. He came out of the meat locker looking really, really cold, but laughing about the whole thing.
I’m way late on this, but what a fantastic gift for Caitlin! I wish I had rad hockey-loving friends to give me presents like that…or for me to orchestrate presents like that to give them.
That’s really cute to give the players holiday cards, too. That seems like the kind of thing you’d expect they’d get a lot of but in reality nobody really thinks of doing it…does that make sense? In other words, I bet it’s a lot less common than you would think it would be.
Amy, you’d think with how skinny Crunchy is, putting him in a meat locker would be dangerous! He has no body fat to keep him warm!
I wish I had rad hockey-loving friends to give me presents like that…or for me to orchestrate presents like that to give them.
Pensgirl, if I were anywhere in the vicinity of Pittsburgh, you can bet I would have Sid sign an empty box of Einstein Bros. bagels for you!
I’m very lucky to have them as friends.
putting him in a meat locker would be dangerous!
Meat lockers seem like dangerous places, period! Poor Crunchy!
I WANNA GO SEE OVIE TOO. Can’t I just mail CapsChick the card for Ovie and she can give it to him? Or something. I dunno.
Awww, MAGS! We want you to come see Ovechkin! …Mail CapsChick a card, yeah!
This is sort of stupid, but whole thing with the meat locker initially made me think Crunchy had finally offed one of his teammates (Soupy…) and stuffed them in there.
*much hugs for Caitlin* I wish I could fly over there but dude, my ticket to NYC for Christmas is already killing me. Stupid stupid stupid taxes coming over the ticket price *grumble*
Man, I missed a lot last night . . . great post -Ookies!
And great gifts Untypical Girls . . . very cool!
Yeah, it was hopping around here last night! Sorry you missed it Meg!
So just a few days ago I was thinking how much I wanted a candy cane. Then this morning some unknown elf left one in my mailbox at work! How nice!
Sorry you missed it Meg!
Me too. I went to see the Nutcracker and then watched Project Runway at a friend’s. I’m blacked out for Islanders games so there wasn’t much point in staying home. But I’ll be at the next Sabres-Islanders game. So excited!
I wish I could fly over there but dude, my ticket to NYC for Christmas is already killing me. Stupid stupid stupid taxes coming over the ticket price
Oh my god, I know. They slay you on the ticket prices!
We’ll see. We’re trying to get to Finland (Finland! Santa Claus is there!) next year, but I will make a trip to Washington happen sometime this season.
I wouldn’t want to miss any Crazy Russian Exchange Student Ovechkin antics, now would I?
I went to see the Nutcracker and then watched Project Runway at a friend’s.
Without giving any spoilers, was last night’s “Project Runway” good? I think we’ll watch it this weekend.
Dude, those videos (and the comments, and the post) made me miss my bus because I was laughing to hard, and now I’m going to be late for hockey and coach is going to rag on me but it is TOTALLY WORTH IT.
I meant to comment on this but I forgot (sorry, Mags!). I’m so sorry my insanity made you late for hockey!!!
Thanks Caitlin! And how did you know that Einstein bagels are my favorite?
If I was in the vicinity of Pittsburgh, I’d get MAF to sign a 1970s flower-power flower for you. :P
If you get to Finland I will be so jealous (in a good way)! I want to go there and get a phone book, because Finnish names are music to my ears.
Back to the Pens for a sec…
I sometimes get annoyed at the level of sarcasm that the Post-Gazette’s Pens’ beat writer displays, but the end of his answer in today’s Q&A is the most awesome thing ever. He was asked if the next Pens-Flyers game was likely to be as penalty-ridden as Tuesday’s. After pretty much saying saying “not necessarily, but probably yeah,” he adds, with the perfect amount of snark…
Certainly, people on the far side of the Commonwealth were understandably put out that Sidney Crosby bumped Flyers goalie Martin Biron behind the net (never mind that Biron dropped as if Earth’s gravity had been replaced by that of Jupiter) and it’s safe to assume that Laraque will have an eye out for Eager. Of course, Laraque should have been able to locate him without much trouble during the third period Wednesday; he was the one Flyers coach John Stevens stapled to the bench after 41-year-old Gary Roberts pummeled him. Considering the beating Eager took from Roberts, Stevens presumably figured out that Laraque could reduce him to little more than a stain in about three seconds. But if Eager is still in the NHL when the teams meet again Jan. 24 — and that’s far from certain — he probably can count on spending a little quality time with Laraque.
Of course, that assumes two significant things:
1) That some of the other nasty, undisciplined thugs the Penguins employ — the really hardcore fighters like, say, Ryan Whitney — don’t go after Eager first, and
2) That the Flyers haven’t had so many players suspended by then that they’re still able to dress five skaters and a goalie.
Without giving any spoilers, was last night’s “Project Runway” good? I think we’ll watch it this weekend.
I enjoyed this one, yeah.
I’m so sorry my insanity made you late for hockey!!!
I ended up not going at all because I had sort through the paperwork that comes with reporting a theft (someone stole my bike. Second time in 2 months. Fuckers). I called coach and he understood. I’m going to practice with the guys tonight to make up for it.
Of course, that assumes two significant things: [...] the Flyers haven’t had so many players suspended by then that they’re still able to dress five skaters and a goalie.
:^:::::::::::: (also, painfully true)
Meg, that’s so awesome that you’re going to be going to the next Islanders-Sabres game! I’m sure they’re going to put on a great show for you. Staffy probably missed scoring clean on that empty net last night because he was working out his nerves; he’s confident that’ll count as a goal next time.
Amy, thanks for that report about Crunchy and the meat locker. I was very concerned for him, that somehow his psychoses were getting worse, but that seems a very normal explanation for him being in a meat locker. I wish I’d seen it!
Oh, and good morning, everyone! I had the loveliest lie-in this morning listening to freezing rain tip-tapping on my windows and dreaming about the big reorg unveiling at work that I’m missing today. (I dreamt I was one of few people in my department who kept their job. And there were some tame tigers involved, too, and my workplace was a tropical resort mansion. It was very realistic.)
And for anyone planning to trek to DC for a game, we’re only a three-hour drive from there, or an equally simple jaunt on the train.
And how did you know that Einstein bagels are my favorite?
Because Einstein bagels are the BEST EVER.
I’d get MAF to sign a 1970s flower-power flower for you. :P
Aww, Flower! Aww, Pensgirl! That’s too rad for words! I’m just imagining the look on Fleury’s face right now. (His Christmas stocking is super cute by the way – I meant to tell you the other day when you posted the link to the pictures on the website.)
If you get to Finland I will be so jealous (in a good way)! I want to go there and get a phone book…
I’ll totally steal a phone book from Finland for you! Jenlo & I have never been out of the country, and we all wanted to take a vacation to a hockey country so we could have fun AND go to hockey games. (Is that sad?) So, Finland it is!
And re: that excerpt:
1. Gary Roberts is the man. I kinda want one of those WWGRD wristbands right now from Pensblog.
2. Pensgirl, how do you live playing the Flyers repeatedly?
3. That beat writer is awesome.
4. Am I wrong for wanting to see a Roberts/Hatcher fight?
Sorry guys. When I think Philadelphia Flyers, Derian Hatcher is the first thing that pops to mind, followed by Briere.
someone stole my bike. Second time in 2 months. Fuckers
Mags, no! That’s terrible. Uh, third time’s the charm, right?
Amy, thanks for that report about Crunchy and the meat locker. I was very concerned for him, that somehow his psychoses were getting worse, but that seems a very normal explanation for him being in a meat locker.
It was probably the bizarrest thing that I’ve seen. Along the wall were packages of meat and Zweigles hot dogs, and then there’s this folding chair with Crunchy sitting in it, and the photo crew doing their thing.
The whole thing made me realize how bulky the goalie equipment is, because Crunchy’s legs looked really scrawny compared to his puffed up upper body.
Mags, sorry to hear about your bike.
we all wanted to take a vacation to a hockey country so we could have fun AND go to hockey games.
You could go to Switzerland. Or Germany. Or the Czech Republic. But yeah, Finland is much cooler. One of my friends once went there to see a Nightwish concert and said Finns were the strangest people she’d ever met.
Don’t worry about the bike. It’s replaceable. I’m strangely comforted by the fact that there’s a special circle in hell for thieves and looters.
Ok guys, I gotta go, or I’ll be late for practice again. Have fun today and I’ll probably see you again tomorrow! Lotsa love!
Bye, Mags! Have fun!
One of my friends once went there to see a Nightwish concert and said Finns were the strangest people she’d ever met.
I’m pretty sure this is true, yes! The Finns are very strange people, but also very cool, I think.
Also, I hear the Dutch are total badasses. ;)
there’s a special circle in hell for thieves and looters.
What is with IPB and my reading comprehension skills going haywire? I suppose it’s staring at the same computer screen all day, but I just read that as “there’s a special circle in hell for leaves and hookers”.
“there’s a special circle in hell for leaves and hookers”.
Oh, that’s not a reading comprehension issue — there is a special circle of hell for leaves and hookers. It’s just separate from the one for thieves and looters.
Mags, that sucks about your bike. Even though it’s replaceable it still sounds like a pain in the ass.
I’d totally like to go to Finland. And Scandanavia in general.
And in other Finnish news, Ruff is supposed to talk about the Teppo situation later today. And Teppo participated in an optional team skate today.
And in other Finnish news, Ruff is supposed to talk about the Teppo situation later today. And Teppo participated in an optional team skate today.
That’s awesome news!
“I just read that as “there’s a special circle in hell for leaves and hookers”.”
If that’s hell, then who would ever want to go to heaven?
Mornin’ IPB, I have finally caught up with all the comments from yesterday, and all I can say is holy shit. You people are all insanely hilarious.
And in other Finnish news, Ruff is supposed to talk about the Teppo situation later today. And Teppo participated in an optional team skate today.
Yay! That’s got to be such a morale boost not only for Teppo but also for the team.
Uhh, just logged on and wow, wicked, wicked funny. Langer is so totally a better captain than Jagsie!
Hey andrew! How was the office “party”? Did you win any more Wiis?
Langer is so totally a better captain than Jagsie!
I know! I find myself thinking back to that article about Gomer apartment-hunting, and when he decided he didn’t want the one that had a view of New Jersey. Well, it’s a good thing he didn’t get that one, because otherwise he’d spend all day now looking out at his old buddies having so much fun forechecking, skating, and hanging out on Langer’s Party Bus. Meanwhile, all the parties Jagsie throws are just events where everyone sits around Jagsie’s living room trying to figure out why he’s in the mood he’s in and what they can do to improve it.
“Hey andrew! How was the office “party”? Did you win any more Wiis?”
HA! Not likely! The “party” was fine, we went down the street and had a late lunch, did some BSing, etc. How lame is the State though? We couldn’t even call it a party, it was an offsite luncheon. AND we had to do some “work related” stuff so that we could justify booking the room till 4:30! Meh, at least I got to go home early!
I know it was only a half day or so, but I feel like I missed so much! Happy belated birfday Gambler! Happy Cocoa Puffs, Caitlin! Killer present, man.
AND we had to do some “work related” stuff so that we could justify booking the room till 4:30! Meh, at least I got to go home early!
That’s awful! (The “work related” stuff, not the going home early. Really, any reason to get to go home early is a good one.)
Langer is so totally a better captain than Jagsie!
Yeah, Langer just smirks at Jagsie when they run into each other at the buffet breakfast at the yearly Captains conference.
Meanwhile, all the parties Jagsie throws are just events where everyone sits around Jagsie’s living room trying to figure out why he’s in the mood he’s in and what they can do to improve it.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
You know what? I think Bobby Holik talked Gomer into going there knowing exactly what it was going to be like. Maybe I’m not giving Holik enough credit here….
we had to do some “work related” stuff so that we could justify booking the room till 4:30!
That’s bullshit!
“Meanwhile, all the parties Jagsie throws are just events where everyone sits around Jagsie’s living room trying to figure out why he’s in the mood he’s in and what they can do to improve it.”
Oh my god, that is so true. I can see Sather on the phone, “What?…No…he’s pissed. Huh? Fuck, I don’t know. Just get 5 or 6 more Czechs over here, stat. No…don’t ask me why. How the fuck should I know why that makes him happy?”
“That’s awful! (The “work related” stuff, not the going home early.)”
Yeah, luckily my boss is an alright lady. We didn’t really work. Unfortunately though, we we’re doing those 10 question “personality” tests instead. (You know, the ones that ask questions like, “Pick your favorite color” and “what kind of laugh do you have?” and then proceed to tell you all about yourself in an entirely vague manner, ala the daily horoscope.) The worst part is that I work with a bunch of old hens who get all excited about shit like that. It’s mind numbing.
Yeah, Langer just smirks at Jagsie when they run into each other at the buffet breakfast at the yearly Captains conference.
Then he’s all, “What? I’m not smirking! My face just naturally does this!” *Smirk*
I think Bobby Holik talked Gomer into going there knowing exactly what it was going to be like. Maybe I’m not giving Holik enough credit here….
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! If that didn’t require I think Bobby is capable of such a dastardly scheme (and all the attendant forethought and logic and stuff), I’d totally believe that’s what happened.
I also enjoyed Pando not wanting the “C” unless everyone had one. Thank you Ookies for bringing a smile to this overworked face.
Fuck, I don’t know. Just get 5 or 6 more Czechs over here, stat.
Does one call 1-800-Rent-a-Czech for that?
Thank you Ookies for bringing a smile to this overworked face.
You’re welcome! Is the stagehand strike still going on? (I don’t consume anything but hockey-related news anymore.)
Does one call 1-800-Rent-a-Czech for that?
Thank you for calling 1-800-Rent-A-Czech, this is Jan Hlavac, how may I direct your call?
“What?…No…he’s pissed. Huh? Fuck, I don’t know. Just get 5 or 6 more Czechs over here, stat. No…don’t ask me why. How the fuck should I know why that makes him happy?”
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
That’s FANTASTIC!
Thank you Ookies for bringing a smile to this overworked face.
Aw, Morgan, I’m sorry to hear you’re overworked! At least you’re not doing weird horoscopey things with an officeload of old hens like andrew is, though! Right? Right? :D
Oh, that’s not a reading comprehension issue — there is a special circle of hell for leaves and hookers. It’s just separate from the one for thieves and looters.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Happy Cocoa Puffs, Caitlin! Killer present, man.
Aww, thanks, Andrew! The best part is, if you’re brave enough anyone can do it. Imagine getting Cheechoo to sign a choo-choo train! The brilliance!
Thank you for calling 1-800-Rent-A-Czech, this is Jan Hlavac, how may I direct your call?
AAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! That made me laugh out loud! HA! Nicely done.
“At least you’re not doing weird horoscopey things with an officeload of old hens like andrew is, though! Right? Right?”
Damnit! I really do have the lamest office, don’t I?
“Imagine getting Cheechoo to sign a choo-choo train!”
Hmmmm…that would be awesome. That would at least be tantamount to my forgoing an autograph for a punch in the eye when I meet Goose.
That would at least be tantamount to my forgoing an autograph for a punch in the eye when I meet Goose.
Why not get both? Have Goose sign your shiner? (Unless you’re punching him? In which case you should have him sign his own shiner.)
“Why not get both? Have Goose sign your shiner? (Unless you’re punching him? In which case you should have him sign his own shiner.)”
That would be awesomely sad, walking around with a signed black eye.
I could never punch Goose! Maybe a facewash, at best. Never a punch though.
That would be awesomely sad, walking around with a signed black eye.
I’m with you on all of that except the “sad”. That would be awesomely awesome!
Apparently when the radio said Ruff would address the Teppo situation they meant Regier. Silly radio. But apparently while Teppo hasn’t made a final decision, he could be playing in a matter of weeks.
That would be awesomely sad, walking around with a signed black eye.
Much like the woman who got Crunchy’s face and signature tattooed on her calf, and posted about it on a message board.
“But apparently while Teppo hasn’t made a final decision, he could be playing in a matter of weeks.”
That would be so incredibly great. I just hope it happens, sweet Jesus the team needs it.
“Much like the woman who got Crunchy’s face and signature tattooed on her calf, and posted about it on a message board.”
There is nothing awesome about that though. Just sad. What happens if he gets traded? Or goes to the Rags via free agency?!?!
Much like the woman who got Crunchy’s face and signature tattooed on her calf, and posted about it on a message board.
You mean Schnookie? :)
(Just kidding. She’d have Pando’s face and his many Playah’s Playah awards.)
There is nothing awesome about that though. Just sad. What happens if he gets traded? Or goes to the Rags via free agency?!?!
Or fades into mediocrity after a few decent years? I mean, come ON. (And yes, I had a lot of second thoughts after getting that tattoo.)
Much like the woman who got Crunchy’s face and signature tattooed on her calf, and posted about it on a message board.
Uh…..what?
Please tell me that’s a joke.
Uh…..what?
Please tell me that’s a joke.
Sadly, its not. I saw the photo. Its very, very scary.
“(And yes, I had a lot of second thoughts after getting that tattoo.)”
And well you should have!
“Please tell me that’s a joke.”
“Sadly, its not. I saw the photo. Its very, very scary.”
I saw it on t.v.! It’s real and it’s a shitty tattoo!
Imagine getting Cheechoo to sign a choo-choo train!
I’ve decided I need to get Yo-Yo to sign a yo-yo for me. (Actually, my dream is to get his signature on one of those “Speed Limit 55″ signs, but that’s kind of, you know, a felony.)
I’m so deliriously happy about this Teppo news! Come back, Teppo! We need you!
I saw it on t.v.! It’s real and it’s a shitty tattoo!
On top of being a really stupid idea, yeah, it’s a really shitty tattoo just in general. If I were Crunchy, I’d be horrified that I inspired such a heinous tattoo.
(Actually, my dream is to get his signature on one of those “Speed Limit 55″ signs, but that’s kind of, you know, a felony.)
Aw! That would so be worth going to jail for!
Sadly, its not. I saw the photo. Its very, very scary.
Ew!
I’ve decided I need to get Yo-Yo to sign a yo-yo for me.
You totally should, and then you should ask him to do a yo-yo trick for you while you take a picture. It would be the awesomest thing.
I’m so deliriously happy about this Teppo news! Come back, Teppo! We need you!
Awww, Teppo! Here’s hoping, guys.
“I’ve decided I need to get Yo-Yo to sign a yo-yo for me.”
That would be cool.
I should get Douglas Murray to sign a crankshaft for me. Not only because it’s possibly the coolest nickname ever, but also because I heart Douglas Murray.
If I were Crunchy, I’d be horrified that I inspired such a heinous tattoo.
As I recall, he seemed pretty horrified but like he was trying to hide it.
For those of you considering getting tattoos of my face, let it be stated for the record that I will be as horrified as Crunchy was, but less capable of hiding my disgust.
As I recall, he seemed pretty horrified but like he was trying to hide it.
I can just imagine him smiling largely while backing away very, very slowly.
I heart Douglas Murray.
I heart that you said you heart Douglas Murray. Hearts!
For those of you considering getting tattoos of my face, let it be stated for the record that I will be as horrified as Crunchy was, but less capable of hiding my disgust.
God, and here you go ruining my Christmas present for you.
You totally should, and then you should ask him to do a yo-yo trick for you while you take a picture.
Ha! Yo-Yo would be so cute doing Walk the Dog or Around the World!
God, and here you go ruining my Christmas present for you.
Sorry. And I just ruined Christmas for Pookie by telling her I wanted the subscription pig thing that La Quercia offers, where you get the parts of an entire pig as it is cured throughout the year. She’d been considering it for me, but then decided it was STUPIDLY expensive (true) and maybe was something we didn’t need (not true). So no pig for me. And now Pookie’s apologizing that she didn’t get me a pig. Maybe I’ll just get a tattoo of the pig’s face?
Hey IPB!
Guess what? We’ve beaten the Ducks TWICE now! I don’t think that happened last year. And I had some horrible fourth wall breakage that I’m trying to pretend didn’t happen.
And that pig thing sounds kinda disturbing but you should definitely get a tattoo of the pig’s face :D
Are we talking Connolly’s-package-debate level fourth wall breakage here?
And I had some horrible fourth wall breakage that I’m trying to pretend didn’t happen.
Oh, alix, I’m so sorry! Is it something irreparable?
(And congrats on beating the Ducks!)
“Are we talking Connolly’s-package-debate level fourth wall breakage here?”
Yup.
Thanks, Schnookie. It does feel extra special every time we beat the Ducks (sorry Sleek)
Well it was my sister’s friend that I heard it from…and I’m just trying to think that they most likely made it up. Because it’s about two of the classiest guys. But still. Once it’s out there it’s hard to forgot.
Well it was my sister’s friend that I heard it from…and I’m just trying to think that they most likely made it up.
If it’s any help in judging the situation, I never, ever, ever make anything up about hockey players. So you really should always believe everything you hear. :D (But yeah, you can’t ever un-hear that kind of shit. It sucks.)
maybe was something we didn’t need (not true
I never said it was something we didn’t need! I said, personnaly, I’d rather there not be pig offal in our kitchen, but other than that, I never said we didn’t need 300 lbs of pig product!
alix, I’m so, so, so, sorry about your fourth wall breakage! That’s so the worst!
I didn’t read through all the comments so I hope I am not repeating anyone but there is one flaw with this scenario, one can not purchase alcohol in a “Kwik-E-Mart” type store in NJ.
Love the site check it every day helps get me through the work day keep it up!
Thanks, Pookie. It would be kind of funny actually if it wasn’t the players it was.
Oh I meant to ask earlier, are Kwik E Marts real? I thought they were just a Simpsons thing.
::sigh:: Now I’m all curious. I have serious fourth-wall-breakage issues here folks. I’m so nosy.
but there is one flaw with this scenario, one can not purchase alcohol in a “Kwik-E-Mart” type store in NJ.
Yeah, I know. But… I couldn’t think of anything else that would be so obviously more fun than tincture of prunes for Pando to be buying! :P
Thanks for the comment, Anthony! I’m glad to hear we help you through your work day, and really appreciate hearing from you! (We’ll try to keep more of an attention to detail in the future, too, I promise!)
Meg, I’m also curious. I hate the fourth-wall breakage for players I have some kind of vested interest in (read: “Devils”), but I am fairly confident there aren’t any Canucks I’d be devastated to hear anything about.
And alix, there aren’t actual Kwik E Marts, but there are convenience stores. And no, it’s not legal in Jersey for them to sell beer. Sigh.
Now I’m all curious. I have serious fourth-wall-breakage issues here folks. I’m so nosy.
Ooh, seconded!
I’m terrible, I know.
I’m only caught up through about 12:30, but this is long enough anyway. Back to work….
And for anyone planning to trek to DC for a game, we’re only a three-hour drive from there, or an equally simple jaunt on the train.
I’m near DC too! Actually, I’m in DC five days a week now. So as long as it’s a time when I’m not in Pittsburgh, I would totally go to a Caps game.
Because Einstein bagels are the BEST EVER.
Word.
His Christmas stocking is super cute by the way
I agree…I think it’s adorable.
I’ll totally steal a phone book from Finland for you! Jenlo & I have never been out of the country, and we all wanted to take a vacation to a hockey country so we could have fun AND go to hockey games. (Is that sad?) So, Finland it is!
Yay, thanks! And no, that’s not sad. It’s very Stars-apropos to go there!
And re: that excerpt:
1. Gary Roberts is the man. I kinda want one of those WWGRD wristbands right now from Pensblog.
That’s the Gary we loved from last year. He’s baaaaack!
2. Pensgirl, how do you live playing the Flyers repeatedly?
Oh, this really good friend I have called “hard liquor.” It’s the only way to go.
3. That beat writer is awesome.
I don’t like it when he uses that level of snark on the Pens themselves, but when he turns it on evil teams it’s totally fun.
4. Am I wrong for wanting to see a Roberts/Hatcher fight?
No. I generally have no use for fights, but seeing Roberts turn Hatcher into a mouse would make my DECADE.
Oh, and also? How much do I love Sid saying that he woulda been happy to fight Biron, except “goalies fight goalies?” He was all “I say, a forward fighting a goalie? How uncouth!” (For the record, I think he gets angry enough during games that he might well want to throw down with someone at some point, if his teammates aren’t quick enough at jumping in front of him.)
It’s about Nazzy and Matty-O…if that changes your mind about knowing the fourth wall thing.
Aww, Alix, while I’m still curious because I’m not invested in them, I can totally see why whatever it is is upsetting to you.
alix, I agree with Meg. I’m totally curious, but also really sorry that you heard something you didn’t want to about those guys!
Thanks, Meg. Yeah, worst two guys to hear something about. Nazzy is my very close second favourite.
“And no, it’s not legal in Jersey for them to sell beer. Sigh.”
That’s a cryin’ shame. This is America, fer Chris’sakes!
Ah, well maybe it’s not as bad as it sounds. It could very well be made up, but even if it’s not, I think it’s worth remembering that people can have all different kinds of lifestyles and still be good people. Unless they kick puppies and torture kittens, in which case you should probably find new favorite players.
That’s a cryin’ shame. This is America, fer Chris’sakes!
Amen! (But on the bright side, while I can’t buy beer at my grocery store, the liquor store up the road carries hundreds and hundreds of types of beer. So that kind of makes up for it.)
Thanks, Schnookie. Silly sister. I was watching the game with her last night, and she just started telling the story. Before I could go “LALALALALALALALA I CAN’T HEAR YOU!”, she was already done talking. BAH!
Anyways, I’ll stop taking over your thread with my fourth wall break down :p
It could very well be made up, but even if it’s not, I think it’s worth remembering that people can have all different kinds of lifestyles and still be good people.
Listen to you, Meg! Being such a mature voice of reason! I was going to say something like, “Oh well. If it turns out they’re a bunch of womanizing, drunken louts, well… that’s a pretty good reason to hate them as hockey players, too.” (Just kidding! I operate under the belief that they’re all womanizing, drunken louts, so that pretty much means that if I’m going to be surprised with fourth-wall breakage, it will be pleasantly so.) (But it always sucks to hear those kinds of suspicions confirmed, mind you.) (And alix, Meg is right. :D)
That’s a very good point, Meg. They definitely don’t kick puppies or torture kittens. They’re still sweet guys who do tons of charity work and all that. And maybe they have open marriages with their wives…who knows.
Anyways, I’ll stop taking over your thread with my fourth wall break down :p
You realize, of course, that we’re all sitting here waiting to hear this horrible story, right?
And maybe they have open marriages with their wives…who knows.
Well they are Swedish. :P
Hey, everybody! I just stopped in to say that the best part of our holiday luncheon was that they said we could go home early!
So see ya later!
(I should run a bunch of errands, but I predict going straight home and joining y’all again. :D )
And you’re right too, Schnookie. They are hockey players after all. It’s kind of a given.
Well hey, they are Swedish–I’ve heard about what those Scandanavians get up to . . . all the cold, dark months . . .
“But on the bright side, while I can’t buy beer at my grocery store, the liquor store up the road carries hundreds and hundreds of types of beer. So that kind of makes up for it.”
So strange that some politician, at some point, decided that having beer available at this store but not at the one right next door is somehow doing something useful for humanity.
I find regional liquor laws utterly fascinating. Except in Utah, their liquor laws are just a bit too draconian for my tatses.
And maybe they have open marriages with their wives…who knows.
Well they are Swedish. :P
See, this is what I get for being distracted by work in the middle of typing. :)
“Silly sister. I was watching the game with her last night, and she just started telling the story.”
That’s a bummer alix, but seriously… tell sis to knock it off! You don’t need to be dragged down with heresay!
So strange that some politician, at some point, decided that having beer available at this store but not at the one right next door is somehow doing something useful for humanity.
I know! It’s just so puzzling. And furthermore, what about a store dedicated to liquor is more socially redeemable than just having booze in the grocery store? Makes no sense to me.
(On an unrelated note, I made some baked beans for today’s dinner, and they just came out of the oven. I totally can’t decide if they taste heinous, though, because I had just eaten some licorice before trying them. I probably shouldn’t judge them by the awful aftertaste I’m experiencing right now, because that’s probably just the unholy combination of licorice and cider vinegar, right?)
(I should run a bunch of errands, but I predict going straight home and joining y’all again. :D )
Errands are for losers! But enjoy your early afternoon home from work, Patty!
See, this is what I get for being distracted by work in the middle of typing. :)
Nah, it just happens that we’re both brilliant, Meg!
I’m near DC too! Actually, I’m in DC five days a week now. So as long as it’s a time when I’m not in Pittsburgh, I would totally go to a Caps game.
Woah, awesome! I think Cat & Jenlo and I will put our heads together tonight and see what we can come up with.
I can totally see why whatever it is is upsetting to you.
Alix, that is the worst! I’m sorry. :(
He was all “I say, a forward fighting a goalie? How uncouth!”
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Oh, this really good friend I have called “hard liquor.” It’s the only way to go.
…Which is much like how I get through the eight million and one games we play with Phoenix.
Hee! Thanks, Andrew.
“Well they are Swedish. :P”
“Well hey, they are Swedish–I’ve heard about what those Scandanavians get up to . . . all the cold, dark months . . .”
Ha! Meg and Schnookie were brain sharing.
Bye, Patty!
So y’all are sure you want to hear?
“Alix, that is the worst! I’m sorry. :(”
Thanks, Caitlin!
Yup. Although at this point you’ve built it up to the extent that I’m expecting all sorts of kinky stuff.
“Well hey, they are Swedish–I’ve heard about what those Scandanavians get up to . . . all the cold, dark months . . .”
A non-Sabres fan would make a Henrik Tallinder joke here. (Talk about the ultimate in fourth-wall breaking with his situation).
So y’all are sure you want to hear?
Yes! And as soon as you retell it, you’ll realize it’s just not that big a deal. The same thing happened for Heather. It’s healthy to share these things, rather than letting them fester. Don’t let it have any power over you! :D
“A non-Sabres fan would make a Henrik Tallinder joke here. ”
I was right there….but I thought better of it. For the sake of Heather’s sanity.
I was right there….but I thought better of it. For the sake of Heather’s sanity.
Me too!
A non-Sabres fan would make a Henrik Tallinder joke here. (Talk about the ultimate in fourth-wall breaking with his situation).
Yeah, I think we can safely assume that he’s not what one would call faithful.
“Yes! And as soon as you retell it, you’ll realize it’s just not that big a deal.”
Tell us and I’ll tell you what I learned about Dave Matthews when I got to go backstage at a concert. (although, I hate Dave Matthews, so it’s not traumatizing for me)
I want to know that too, Andrew!
Yeah, now that I’ve whined about it so much you guys probably won’t even be impressed. Story is below, look away if you want :p
Nazzy and Matty O hooked up with my sister’s friends when they were over in Victoria for training camp. Nazzy hooked up with one in the cab, and then Matty O had a threesome with both of the girls when they got back to their hotel.
(I should run a bunch of errands, but I predict going straight home and joining y’all again. :D )
Whee! Please do. You’re not going to the game tonight, correct? We are because it’s my younger sister’s birthday tonight! We’ll pick you up a Russian bobblehead.
(If anyone else wants a bobblehead, speak now or forever hold your peace!)
I do feel better, thanks.
alix, I really don’t know what to say. I mean, that story sounds like just another day in the life at IPB Manor.
“Nazzy and Matty O hooked up with my sister’s friends when they were over in Victoria for training camp. Nazzy hooked up with one in the cab, and then Matty O had a threesome with both of the girls when they got back to their hotel.”
Awesome. Wait…are they married? If not….awesome.
I aways hook up with hockey players in the back of cabs!
Awesome. Wait…are they married? If not….awesome.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
I aways hook up with hockey players in the back of cabs!
If a cab stops for me and it doesn’t have a pro athlete of some kind in the back, I won’t get in.
I’m sorry, alix! Maybe your sisters friends aren’t telling the truth. Is that a possibility?
If a cab stops for me and it doesn’t have a pro athlete of some kind in the back, I won’t get in.
What’s the point?
alix, I really don’t know what to say. I mean, that story sounds like just another day in the life at IPB Manor.
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
I mean, who doesn’t do that? Cab-sex is so totally in at the moment. (You get bonus points for the hockey players.)
Aww, alix, I’m sorry though. It sucks to find out stuff like that! Fourth wall breakage is such a drag.
Oh, and alix, I am of two minds about hearing that kind of stuff. On the one hand, a part of my brain likes to think my favorite hockey players are like some kind of pure and true Prince Charming or something, who value the same morals and ethics I do. On the other hand, if they’re not hooking up with strangers in threesomes in the backs of cabs, I’m like, “What the hell is wrong with him?”
I aways hook up with hockey players in the back of cabs!
I hope they tip the driver well! Time Out New York interviewed a cab driver about back of cab hook ups once, and she said that if people are going to have sex in her cab, they damn well better tip well.
Nazzy and Matty O hooked up with my sister’s friends when they were over in Victoria for training camp. Nazzy hooked up with one in the cab, and then Matty O had a threesome with both of the girls when they got back to their hotel.
See, these Swedes just love to have multiple people involved.
:^::::::::::::::::::::: to Andrew, Katebits, Schnookie.
“I hope they tip the driver well!”
HA! Seriously! And also, I hope the seats are plastic-lined.
On the other hand, if they’re not hooking up with strangers in threesomes in the backs of cabs, I’m like, “What the hell is wrong with him?”
I think that too sometimes. Well, really my two minds are like this:
mind one–If they’re married or have a girlfriend and are sneaking around that’s bad
mind two–If they’re single or are married/seeing someone but have an open relationship, well good for them!
If a cab stops for me and it doesn’t have a pro athlete of some kind in the back, I won’t get in.
What’s the point?
Seriously. And you wouldn’t believe the other types of guys who are always trying to hook up with me in cabs. Rock stars, politicians, high-powered businessmen, sexy, rugged construction workers, and on and on. But I can only be bothered with pro athletes. I mean, a girl has to have standards.
HA! Seriously! And also, I hope the seats are plastic-lined.
Oh, gross.
I don’t mind hearing about the slutty behavior, but it really upsets me to hear that some of them aren’t nice. Goose can have sex with everyone in Buffalo for all I care, but he damn well better be sweet and charming about it.
Rock stars, politicians, high-powered businessmen, sexy, rugged construction workers, and on and on. But I can only be bothered with pro athletes.
Oh, I hook up with all of these guys too. Just not in cabs. :D
mind one–If they’re married or have a girlfriend and are sneaking around that’s bad
mind two–If they’re single or are married/seeing someone but have an open relationship, well good for them!
I would add in a mind three — If they are sneaking around, I hope they don’t think they have a leg to stand on if they get angry when they find out their wife/girlfriend is sneaking around on them.
Oh, and mind four (the ridiculous, pipe dream mind) — Hey! That means I still have a chance with the married ones!
“Goose can have sex with everyone in Buffalo for all I care, but he damn well better be sweet and charming about it.”
I’m sure he has roses and breakfast in bed for each and every one of those lovely young ladies.
mind five, I hope their girlfriend/wife is sleeping with one of their teammates!
Oh, I hook up with all of these guys too. Just not in cabs. :D
Yeah, I was really only talking about my standards when it comes to sex in cabs. I have no rules outside of cabs.
And you make a good point, Katebits, about at least just wanting them to be nice sluts.
I’m sure he has roses and breakfast in bed for each and every one of those lovely young ladies.
I speak from experience — I was very impressed when he produced those things in the backseat of a cab. I had no idea where he’d been hiding them!
“mind five, I hope their girlfriend/wife is sleeping with one of their teammates!”
!!!
Major League is one of my favorite movies evar!
I’m sure he has roses and breakfast in bed for each and every one of those lovely young ladies.
Exactly! Goose is such a kind slut.
Katebits, it’s quite a big possibility.
Schnookie, I think I’m the same way. Now that I wrote it out, it’s a pretty funny story. And they are very good looking, so it’s actually surprising I haven’t heard a story like this yet. But it just kinda sucks that they have kids and wives.
Now, next question. Am I an unmoraled hussy if the skanky Swedes stay my one and two favorites? :p
Goose can have sex with everyone in Buffalo for all I care, but he damn well better be sweet and charming about it.
He can be a manwhore, as long as he’s a charming manwhore. I like it.
mind five, I hope their girlfriend/wife is sleeping with one of their teammates!
Hmm . . . I tend not to hope one of the teammates because that can just mess everything up, but I totally hope the wife/girlfriend is having fabulous sex with someone other than her sneaking around husband/boyfriend.
I speak from experience — I was very impressed when he produced those things in the backseat of a cab. I had no idea where he’d been hiding them!
Well, from me cackling maniacally over here at that, all of my coworkers officially think I’m insane.
Now, next question. Am I an unmoraled hussy if the skanky Swedes stay my one and two favorites? :p
Nope. I would totally keep them as my favorites. The others are all skanky too, you just haven’t heard about it.
“Now, next question. Am I an unmoraled hussy if the skanky Swedes stay my one and two favorites?”
Nah…they’re your favorites because they’er badass hockey players. Nothing else.
If we all hated stars for their behavior, there’d be none left.
Am I an unmoraled hussy if the skanky Swedes stay my one and two favorites?
Absolutely not! It would be a very sad day indeed if we were all reduced to cheering for the AC Greens of the world just so as to keep ourselves from being branded unmoraled hussies.
Am I an unmoraled hussy if the skanky Swedes stay my one and two favorites?
Hell NO! In all honesty, these guys are kind of imaginary to us anyway, right? Now you know your favorite players have lots of sex. This information could actually make you like them more! :D
Good point, Meg.
Nah…they’re your favorites because they’er badass hockey players. Nothing else.
Oh, andrew. *shaking head* That’s so sweet. And so not true. :P
Plus, your sister’s friends are probably lying.
Hee! Thanks guys. Ahhh, I feel so much better. IPB is such good therapy.
“It would be a very sad day indeed if we were all reduced to cheering for the AC Greens of the world just so as to keep ourselves from being branded unmoraled hussies.”
Wait? Didn’t AC Green use to carry a gun? Am I wrong here? I could be.
I’m pretty sure he did cause a stoppage in play once because the ball got stuck in his afro. That’s nothing to be ashamed about though…that’s just fucking awesome.
I speak from experience — I was very impressed when he produced those things in the backseat of a cab. I had no idea where he’d been hiding them!
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::
In all honesty, these guys are kind of imaginary to us anyway, right? Now you know your favorite players have lots of sex. This information could actually make you like them more!
Thanks for saying it, Katebits. I was trying to figure out how to encourage alix to enjoy the prospect of a spicy imaginary sex life with her favorite imaginary Swedes, but it just sounded creepy. :D
Oh, andrew. *shaking head* That’s so sweet. And so not true. :P
Hee!
“Oh, andrew. *shaking head* That’s so sweet. And so not true. :P”
Sorry, forgot I was talking to women here. How’s this:
“they’re your favorites because they’re dreamy and cuddly. Nothing else.”
Sheesh Katebits, all I wanted to do was breakdown some stereotypes!
Wait? Didn’t AC Green use to carry a gun? Am I wrong here? I could be.
I don’t know about a gun, but I know he was one of those guys who are hugely outspoken about their own religiously-proscribed virginity.
They probably are lying,eh? My sister lies all the time so I wouldn’t be surprised if her friends lie too. But even if they aren’t, it’s ok. I’ve accepted it.
Their wives are super hot and are probably banging the hot pool boys.
“but I know he was one of those guys who are hugely outspoken about their own religiously-proscribed virginity.”
So he was basically the Curtis Brown of the NBA.
So he was basically the Curtis Brown of the NBA.
Exactly.
Sheesh Katebits, all I wanted to do was breakdown some stereotypes!
Well, yes, if we were having this conversation over at FanHouse, your earnest defense of our good character would be appreciated, but IPB is more of a slumber party atmosphere. (at least today) (I’m sure tomorrow we’ll revert to dry, statbit driven conversation) :P
IPB is more of a slumber party atmosphere. (at least today) (I’m sure tomorrow we’ll revert to dry, statbit driven conversation)
The day IPB stops being like a slumber party is the day we shut this baby down.
They probably are lying,eh?
Yes, most likely they just want to make themselves seem all fancy by hooking up with awesome hockey players.
I know he was one of those guys who are hugely outspoken about their own religiously-proscribed virginity.
C’mon, those guys are always the ones having orgies in their basements.
I don’t mind hearing about the slutty behavior, but it really upsets me to hear that some of them aren’t nice. Goose can have sex with everyone in Buffalo for all I care, but he damn well better be sweet and charming about it.
Wouldn’t even bother me if the player wasn’t sweet and charming within the sluttiness realm (those chicks/dudes know what they’re getting into) as long as he was nice otherwise. Like, tip your waiter, say ‘hi’ to the cab driver before you paw the puckbunny, help the little old lady cross the street. (And, upon signing an autograph for me, just give me a heads-up as to whether I should put it in the autoclave before I treasure it forever.)
Wouldn’t even bother me if the player wasn’t sweet and charming within the sluttiness realm (those chicks/dudes know what they’re getting into) as long as he was nice otherwise. Like, tip your waiter, say ‘hi’ to the cab driver before you paw the puckbunny, help the little old lady cross the street. (And, upon signing an autograph for me, just give me a heads-up as to whether I should put it in the autoclave before I treasure it forever.)
Agreed.
C’mon, those guys are always the ones having orgies in their basements.
Salient point, Meg!
Also, alix, some fugly dood was going around in Pittsburgh pretending to be Ben Roethlisberger and other sundry Steelers. Maybe her friends hooked up with imposters! Yup, now that I think about it, I bet the Russians are trying to destroy the reps of the players in all the countries that signed the transfer agreement….
I bet the Russians are trying to destroy the reps of the players in all the countries that signed the transfer agreement….
Well they all just opted out this time around didn’t they? I bet the Russians are cackling victoriously this very instant.
And, upon signing an autograph for me, just give me a heads-up as to whether I should put it in the autoclave before I treasure it forever.
That’s about the only fourth wall breakdown I’ve heard about hockey players: there are some at there that are walking STDs.
“They probably are lying,eh? My sister lies all the time so I wouldn’t be surprised if her friends lie too. But even if they aren’t, it’s ok. I’ve accepted it.”
Either way….your boys had better get some action (or whatever it is they need) before the puck drops tonight. The Sharks looked pretty damn good against the Wild. I think it’s going to be a hell of a game.
I’m trying to imagine the sound of Russian cackling, and I’m kinda scared.
That’s about the only fourth wall breakdown I’ve heard about hockey players: there are some at there that are walking STDs.
It would shock me if there weren’t. I mean, this is the league full of guys who refuse to wear protective visors.
I’m trying to imagine the sound of Russian cackling, and I’m kinda scared.
If we’re definitively speaking of Sergei Zubov, then yes, I too am frightened.
When Cat & Jen told me about how they gave Russian a Christmas card, Jen said he looked at like they had given him a bomb or something; just simultaneously horrified and terrified. Jen told me that she got really nervous and was like, “*quiet voice* It’s a … Christmas card…” and then he just looked at her all scared.
Her picture with him is hilarious because of the look of terror on her face. (Sorry, Jenlo.)
That’s about the only fourth wall breakdown I’ve heard about hockey players: there are some at there that are walking STDs.
SOME??? Heh. I recall reading in some pearl-clutching expose of the misogyny in hockey many years ago that one of the California-based teams employed its own gynecologist, so the wives of players could be treated for the stuff their husbands passed on to them without ever having to be told the diagnoses.
Dang! I was hoping we would get the bad version of the Sharks. Hopefully Kesler is over his flu and can shut down Big Joe. Hopefully the Duck beating Canucks come to play and not the lose to the Kings Canucks.
Maybe I should fly to San Jose just in case they need some “relaxation” :p Sorry, too far?
…so the wives of players could be treated for the stuff their husbands passed on to them without ever having to be told the diagnoses.
That is eighty kinds of wrong.
Maybe I should fly to San Jose just in case they need some “relaxation” :p
Don’t forget to bring a cute friend with you!
I’ve seen that, Schnookie, although I didn’t remember that it was a California team. I remember being more concerned about the severe lapse of medical ethics there than anything else.
I recall reading in some pearl-clutching expose of the misogyny in hockey many years ago that one of the California-based teams employed its own gynecologist, so the wives of players could be treated for the stuff their husbands passed on to them without ever having to be told the diagnoses.
Wow. That’s……incredible. I really am clutching my pearls right now.
That is eighty kinds of wrong.
Not to mention a complete violation of a little legal principle known as “informed consent” and just about every provision of medical ethics.
That is eighty kinds of wrong.
Well, it was in a “report” that brought to light such shocking notions as “hockey players don’t have a lot of respect for women”, so make of it what you will. :D
SOME??? Heh.
I only learned about it through the ridiculousness that happened my senior year of college. There was an STD outbreak on campus that was traced back to the hockey team. The college newspaper wanted to do a story about it, but the administration sqaushed it. Instead, they ran the story in the “fake news” issue, with the challenge to readers to figure out what the one true story in the entire edition was.
That is SO gross! Oh, hockey players.
Am I an unmoraled hussy if the skanky Swedes stay my one and two favorites? :p
alix, as the expert on cheering for skanky Swedes who have been sued and kicked off the national team, let me just say, you’re perfectly fine.
Seriously, Hank was some kind of breakthrough for me. I’ll admit that I have pretty conservative, old-fashioned views about sex and I used to have a hard time cheering for skanks and whores, but I don’t know, for some reason I made a conscious decision to love Hank anyway. Like andrew said, 98% of these guys are drunk frat boys.
Then again maybe he’s an exception because I was far more creeped out by things I heard about another guy even those things were way less kinky and the player in question is single.
I remember being more concerned about the severe lapse of medical ethics there than anything else.
It seems to me that in order for that to work the wives would need to be agreeable. That’s the only real shocking thing about it. That the wives would be all, “My va-jay-jay is all screwed up because of you, BUT DON’T TELL ME WHY.” InSANE!
Not to mention a complete violation of a little legal principle known as “informed consent” and just about every provision of medical ethics.
No kidding. You’d think that team (whichever one it was) would have more sense than that. You’d think if you were the doctor, the medical staff, working in management or owning the team, you’d have more sense than to open yourself up to that kind of liability. That’s ridiculous.
Well, it was in a “report” that brought to light such shocking notions as “hockey players don’t have a lot of respect for women”, so make of it what you will. :D
As I recall there was also a lot of “unnamed team” type stuff, and I thought, well if you really wanted to be morally outraged about the mistreatment of women (and for the record, I totally do get outraged about that kind of thing) then you should damn well name names and try to actually change something.
That the wives would be all, “My va-jay-jay is all screwed up because of you, BUT DON’T TELL ME WHY.” InSANE!
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
I think I just died a little.
Alright, I should probably actually go do some of the stuff I have to get done today. Thanks for comforting me through my first fourth wall break down :D Have a good evening everyone!
Bye, alix!
It seems to me that in order for that to work the wives would need to be agreeable. That’s the only real shocking thing about it. That the wives would be all, “My va-jay-jay is all screwed up because of you, BUT DON’T TELL ME WHY.” InSANE!
Yeah, I just don’t get that at all. Even setting aside the, “there’s actually something wrong” bit, I would never let someone else choose my gynecologist for me.
Bye, alix!
Bye, Alix!
Thanks, Heather! Yup. I still like em a hell of a lot.
Bye alix,
Oh, and this:
“Maybe I should fly to San Jose just in case they need some “relaxation” :p Sorry, too far?”
I almost lost my shit over that one! Too funny.
“Like andrew said, 98% of these guys are drunk frat boys.”
Dude, I was talking about EVERYONE. Not just hockey players. Musicians, actors, writers, artists. Whatever.
Nowadays, it’s become so bad that I make a concerted effort to stay away from all tabloid news/forums because seriously, I know DeNiro and Kilmer are scumbags, but I still want to enjoy their movies damnit.
As I recall there was also a lot of “unnamed team” type stuff, and I thought, well if you really wanted to be morally outraged about the mistreatment of women (and for the record, I totally do get outraged about that kind of thing) then you should damn well name names and try to actually change something.
The whole thing was really ridiculous in that regard. I mean, is it at all surprising that the NHL has just as much institutionalized misogyny as, well, every other sport, up and down the professional and amateur ranks? No. And without naming names, how, exactly, does publishing that even accomplish anything?
Oh, and I should mention that, for some reason I don’t understand, I always assumed the team in question with the quack gynecologist was the Sharks. I don’t know what propelled me to jump to that conclusion, but now whenever I watch them there’s a little voice in my head saying, “They have 107 venereal diseases!”
I know DeNiro and Kilmer are scumbags, but I still want to enjoy their movies damnit.
True! Same goes for Denzel and Kevin Spacey. (I love DeNiro & Kilmer, by the way. Heat is one of the best action movies EVER.)
“I always assumed the team in question with the quack gynecologist was the Sharks.”
Oh come on! How could it not be the Ducks?
Get it? Ducks…quack?
Yeah!
Oh come on! How could it not be the Ducks?
Get it? Ducks…quack?
Yeah!
Hee! And really, with this Ducks team? I’d up my venereal disease count to 1,007.
“Heat is one of the best action movies EVER.”
The bank shootout is without a doubt the greatest gunfight ever filmed in the history of mankind.
“And really, with this Ducks team? I’d up my venereal disease count to 1,007.”
Parros’ moustache alone probably has 23 of ‘em.
True! Same goes for Denzel and Kevin Spacey.
Heh . . . I don’t think I will ever look at Kevin Spacey again without thinking “He tripped over his dog!”
I can’t belive I missed this whole conversation! Stupid job!
alix, I’m so sorry you heard that, but it sounds like you’re feeling better for having shared it. Now it can be something we all joke about to the point that it doesn’t seem like the real Nazzy and Matty O did it! That’s the real key to all this. That’s, in my experience, what makes it easy to keep cheering for the guy.
At the risk of making everyone lose their lunches, I have a celebrity fourth-wall sex scandal story to share. I’m only telling it because to me it proves that you can’t have illusions about anyone. They’re all reprobates! A former coworker of mine, back when I was still in theater, worked on a show that a famous opera singer (known for having the traditional opera singer physique, if you will) was performing in. She opened his dressing room door once to discover two chorus members with him. One was giving him a blow job and the other? Was holding up his stomach. Aren’t you glad you visited IPB today? :)
SHUT UP POOKIE! MY minds eyes! MY EYES!
I don’t know what propelled me to jump to that conclusion, but now whenever I watch them there’s a little voice in my head saying, “They have 107 venereal diseases!”
Expect for Joe Thornton who is, of course, saving himself for the day Mark kicks it.
Parros’ moustache alone probably has 23 of ‘em.
And those are just the Princeton ones!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACRGHHHHHHHH!
“She opened his dressing room door once to discover two chorus members with him. One was giving him a blow job and the other? Was holding up his stomach.”
Awesome. Wait…is HE married? If not, gross…but awesome.
Expect for Joe Thornton who is, of course, saving himself for the day Mark kicks it.
Oh, naturally! You didn’t think I was including JoeTho, did you?
Awesome. Wait…is HE married? If not, gross…but awesome.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Parros’ moustache alone probably has 23 of ‘em.
HAHAHAHAHAHA! Also, so true.
SHUT UP POOKIE! MY minds eyes! MY EYES!
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
I’m now regretting I said anything. It’s on the one hand the most hilarious thing ever and on the other? The awfulest. But it should make alix feel better, right?
If not, gross…but awesome.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
The bank shootout is without a doubt the greatest gunfight ever filmed in the history of mankind.
This is true. It’s like they got everyone in that movie right there at their peak, before they started embarrassing and humiliating themselves with crappy movie roles.
Aren’t you glad you visited IPB today? :)
That story right there made me want to join a convent and take a vow of silence.
One was giving him a blow job and the other? Was holding up his stomach. Aren’t you glad you visited IPB today? :)
Ewwwwwwwww.
But it should make alix feel better, right?
It should make her feel better just knowing that the second girl in Matty’s threesome wasn’t there just to hold up his massive girth.
That story right there made me want to join a convent and take a vow of silence.
It makes me want to join a convent that will make me take a vow of blindness, so I never on the off chance end up walking in on something like that. :D
“…before they started embarrassing and humiliating themselves with crappy movie roles.”
Very true. And that’s without even bringing Tom Sizemore into the fracas. That poor bastard…I honestly have run the gamut from indifference to disgust to pity for that clown.
I never on the off chance end up walking in on something like that.
Seconded, yes, Schnookie.
Oh, the humanity! …I’m really not sure right now whether I feel better about life or worse.
“One was giving him a blow job and the other? Was holding up his stomach. Aren’t you glad you visited IPB today? :)”
Oh and honestly, you guys act like this is a bad thing? Clearly no one here has seen Ron Jeremy at work.
I honestly have run the gamut from indifference to disgust to pity for that clown.
What a waste; he was so good when he was first starting out. It’s depressing to watch him throw his life away like that.
Also, if I remember correctly, this was before DeNiro did Rocky & Bullwinkle, thank god.
Oh and honestly, you guys act like this is a bad thing? Clearly no one here has seen Ron Jeremy at work.
Oh, Andrew.
*sigh*
Oh and honestly, you guys act like this is a bad thing? Clearly no one here has seen Ron Jeremy at work
I certainly haven’t.
andrew, I think you forgot who your audience is again.
“Also, if I remember correctly, this was before DeNiro did Rocky & Bullwinkle, thank god.”
And Meet the Parents/Fockers, and Showtime, and The Fan, and Cop Land…I could go on. He needs to learn to say ‘no’ to his agent more often.
Although, he might redeem himself (in my eyes) depending on how good the Heat video game is. He’s doing all the voice over work himself. Should be cool.
It’s always interesting to start reading a thread around comment 350 and wonder “how the hell did they get on the topic of STDs?” (and then realize that when one’s major topic of conversation is hockey players, it’s not really a big jump.) Even the junior boys are little manwhores-in-training. I’d say a good 75% of the guys have “nice” girlfriends at home and still share a revolving cast of groupies in their team’s city.
Re: Nazzy/MattyO story is that while I wouldn’t be particularly shocked that either/both of them cheat…they both just seem too dignified for cab sex. Or at least I’d like to think so. Because ew.
My big news: My friend and I have tickets for the Devils-Avs game in Denver, March 17! Lower level, even!
andrew, I think you forgot who your audience is again.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
And Meet the Parents/Fockers, and Showtime, and The Fan, and Cop Land…I could go on
And Raging Bull… (just kidding! just kidding!)
“*sigh*”
“I certainly haven’t.”
“andrew, I think you forgot who your audience is again.”
Aww man! It was a joke!! Okay, sorry ’bout that.
(Hey, it made me laugh!)
Am I the only one who’d never heard the phrase “fourth wall”?
Aww man! It was a joke!! Okay, sorry ’bout that.
No, no, I was kidding too! Geez, you’re as bad as the Crunchy brothers :-)
And Raging Bull… (just kidding! just kidding!)
:^::::::::::::::::::
Raging Bull was such an embarrassment for DeNiro.
Hey guys! Slow day at the zoo, so I got to go home early! At, like, NOON. I decided to go see ‘The Golden Compass’ though, and now I’m desperately trying to fill my brain with “PANSERBJORNE” instead of “HOCKEY PLAYER STDS”. Thanks a lot.
Also, Pookie? My therapy bills are on their way to you.
“Geez, you’re as bad as the Crunchy brothers :-)”
SOMEONE GET ME MY F*CKING RAISINS!!
Also, Pookie? My therapy bills are on their way to
Yeah, well, since they’re addressed “Pookie, Stately IPB Manor”, I’m not too worried!
On an that note, I’m off to brave the icy/sleety/rainy streets of Central Jersey! Cheerio!
He needs to learn to say ‘no’ to his agent more often.
Word. When Stardust came out, I remember mentioning to Cat that I’d never thought I’d see the day when DeNiro would be playing a gay pirate. (Hey, if it’s good enough for Depp….)
I got to go home early!
Thanks for taking care of the ticket thingy! You’re rad!
Aww man! It was a joke!! Okay, sorry ’bout that.
Hey, I have no problem with porn. I just don’t know what Ron Jeremy looks like.
Ron Jeremy is not svelte. No siree.
He needs to learn to say ‘no’ to his agent more often.
Word. When Stardust came out, I remember mentioning to Cat that I’d never thought I’d see the day when DeNiro would be playing a gay pirate. (Hey, if it’s good enough for Depp….)
I don’t know . . . he was the best thing about that movie.
“Am I the only one who’d never heard the phrase “fourth wall”?”
PRETTY SURE…sorry, still had caps lock on. Pretty sure it’s a theather term. 4th wall being the imaginary wall between the performers and the audience.
I don’t know . . . he was the best thing about that movie.
I never saw it, but from the previews, I was like, “…DeNiro. Really? …Are you piloting a zeppelin? Oh, Bob.”
“I just don’t know what Ron Jeremy looks like.”
Well, his nickname is “the Hedgehog.” If that doesn’t help you build a mental image….
Oh and honestly, you guys act like this is a bad thing? Clearly no one here has seen Ron Jeremy at work.
There was a man at my old office who looked exactly like Ron Jeremy. So, in a sense, I have seen “Ron Jeremy” at work, even though, in your sense, I have not seen Ron Jeremy at work.
On another note, I had leapt to the conclusion that it was the Kings.
When Stardust came out, I remember mentioning to Cat that I’d never thought I’d see the day when DeNiro would be playing a gay pirate.
EEEEEEE ONLY LIKE FOUR DAYS UNTIL IT’S OUT ON DVD! I’m so stoked, I love Gaiman so much.
Thanks for taking care of the ticket thingy! You’re rad!
No problem, man! It’s your sister’s BIRTHDAY! What better thing to do than take her to a hockey game?!
I never saw it, but from the previews, I was like, “…DeNiro. Really? …Are you piloting a zeppelin? Oh, Bob.”
Well the movie itself wasn’t very good (kind of cut-rated, highly diluted Princess Bride) but DeNiro was actually pretty funny.
Cat, Neil Gaiman’s blog is one of my very favorite things on the internet. He’s awesome.
It’s your sister’s BIRTHDAY! What better thing to do than take her to a hockey game?!
I cannot wait for her reaction to her present.
She might die, although not nearly as badly as I did.
You guys, there was a trailer for Speed Racer before the movie today. It looks so rad. As a product of the 80′s, I’m so excited.
Cat, Neil Gaiman’s blog is one of my very favorite things on the internet. He’s awesome.
I love his blog.
DeNiro was actually pretty funny.
DeNiro’s one of those actors that can take anything and make it amazing, much like Gary Oldman. So I’ve sat through some terrible things for DeNiro. (And Oldman.)
“So I’ve sat through some terrible things for DeNiro. (And Oldman.)”
Yeah, we all have. But that’s just the way it goes sometimes. You gotta love it though, when they get roles that they just f*cking nail. Makes it all worth it.
Well, I’m leaving work to brave our crappy weather and grocery shop. Have a great evening, everyone!
By Meg, have a good night!
I meant ‘bye’. Does this mean I have to ban myself?
You all should be so lucky.
Bye, Meg!
I meant ‘bye’. Does this mean I have to ban myself?
You all should be so lucky.
DAMMIT! I really thought we had you there.
Bye, Meg!
when they get roles that they just f*cking nail. Makes it all worth it.
True! Gary Oldman is worth the rental alone to watch him in The Professional.
“Gary Oldman is worth the rental alone to watch him in The Professional.”
One of my favorite Gary Oldman movies is The Fifth Element. He was so hammy and over the top. I loved it.
“DAMMIT! I really thought we had you there.”
MUWAHAHAHAHA!! You’ll have to be quicker than that!
One of my favorite Gary Oldman movies is The Fifth Element. He was so hammy and over the top. I loved it.
The Fifth Element is one of my favorite movies…like, ever!
Leeloo Dallas Multipass! Hee.
Gary Oldman is worth the rental alone to watch him in The Professional.
I loved that movie.
Oldman: Get everybody down here!
Cop: Whaddya mean, everybody?
Oldman: EV REE BAAHH DEEE!!
MUWAHAHAHAHA!! You’ll have to be quicker than that!
You’re just too good, andrew.
“Leeloo Dallas Multipass!”
Love it! The little lady quotes that line all.the.time.
My personal favorite is, “Lady, I only speak two languages: English and bad English.”
I’m sorry I missed poor alix’s troubles.
If it were my guys I’d certainly rather not hear about it in the first place, but I’d work to not care and still love them.
But, personally, I don’t believe any story that starts with: Some friends of mine? Were partying downtown?
Sounds like a friend-of-a-friend story. Or one where they really met the guys and then nothing happened.
I have a friend that tells all kinds of conquest stories (no celebrities, he likes to keep it plausible) and I don’t believe any of them.
I loved that movie.
Eee, Patty, yay! I love when he does the Beethoven speech, where he starts out “I love these calm little moments before the storm….”. Gary Oldman, I heart you so much.
“Leeloo Dallas Multipass!”
Love it! The little lady quotes that line all.the.time.
How cute! I love that movie, too.
Love it! The little lady quotes that line all.the.time.
My younger sister and I also quote the “chicken” thing that Milla Jovovich does in the movie all the time too.
Your wife is awesome!
My personal favorite is, “Lady, I only speak two languages: English and bad English.”
I don’t care how much of a freaky weirdo Bruce Willis has turned into. I will always love him for two things: Die Hard and The Fifth Element.
“How cute! I love that movie, too.”
And Tricky’s in it! How cool is that?
“My younger sister and I also quote the “chicken” thing that Milla Jovovich does in the movie all the time too.”
“Your wife is awesome!”
She is. We do that with a ton of movies. Just this past Saturday, going over the Bay Bridge (to the Sharks game), we looked out into the bay and there were about 100 sailboats cruising around. She says “Hey, it’s a scooner!” Of course I say, “heh, you dumb bastard. It’s not a scooner, it’s a sailboat.”
Of course the exchange goes downhill from there, ending with me, “Dear Lord! When do I get to see the godamn sailboat!!!”
What’s that from, andrew? (The sailboat part.)
Ditto on The Fifth Element!
Still at work…blech. But…writing a memo to the leader of the free world (no joke).
What’s going on here?
Is a 12-year contract really a good idea? Sheesh!
If you know for a fact that a guy is going to be as good as he is this year (a contract year), for 12 more years, it will be a bargain. In 5 years, 5 million will probably be the league minimum.
But anybody would have to pretty much know for a fact that that’s not going to happen. Injuries, peaking early, opposition figuring out his new-fangled moves he brought from Junior, general laziness because he has a contract… these things are all much more likely.
Wow, Pensgirl. Color me impressed.
“What’s that from, andrew? (The sailboat part.)”
Mallrats!
I’m a huuuge Jason Lee fan, so pretty much anything with him is always in the rotation at our house.
“Is a 12-year contract really a good idea? Sheesh!”
um, no.
Stupid Flyers.
If you know for a fact that a guy is going to be as good as he is this year (a contract year), for 12 more years, it will be a bargain.
Patty, I just read that and I personally cannot believe it. I can understand wanting to lock in young talent, but TWELVE years? That seems a little ridiculous to me.
writing a memo to the leader of the free world
Means Pensgirl is …. freakin’ awesome!!!!
Stupid Flyers.
Understatement of the millenium.
Thanks guys!
Oh Mallrats, how I love thee. And for the record, it was only Nazzy that got busy in the cab, Matty O’s threesome was in the hotel. I can’t stop cracking up about it now, so I guess I’m over it.
12 years?!?! The Flyers are cuckoo. Hasn’t he had like one super good year?
“Oh Mallrats, how I love thee.”
I knew you had good taste alix!
“Hasn’t he had like one super good year?”
Yeah, he’s about 1/3 of the way through that super year. Shortsighted?
12 years?!?! The Flyers are cuckoo.
Clearly they were jealous of the Isles and Pretty Ricky’s contract.
“Yeah, he’s about 1/3 of the way through that super year. Shortsighted?”
I would think so.
“I knew you had good taste alix!”
Yup! Slutty hockey players and all. I love that whole bunch of movies, Cerks etc, but Mallrats is probably my fave.
“Yup! Slutty hockey players and all. I love that whole bunch of movies, Cerks etc, but Mallrats is probably my fave.”
Tell your loose players to stay out of the cabs in SJ. Ick.
I love all the Kevin Smith movies too. I quote ‘em all the time, and I seem to find waaay too many opportunities to sing “Berzerker.”
And for the record, it was only Nazzy that got busy in the cab, Matty O’s threesome was in the hotel. I can’t stop cracking up about it now, so I guess I’m over it.
It really is better to share these things so we can all make jokes out of it!
“Tell your loose players to stay out of the cabs in SJ. Ick.”
That might have to be a team wide memo. If the veterans at the top are man whores, who knows how far it goes.
“It really is better to share these things so we can all make jokes out of it!”
Just doing my IPB duties!
“That might have to be a team wide memo. If the veterans at the top are man whores, who knows how far it goes. ”
That’s what happens when rookies are coming into the league, rooming with the older players!
Seriously though, I’m pumped for the game tonight! Should be a really good one.
Also, looks like Walker got a game for his shenanegans last night. What a moran.
http://www.kuklaskorner.com/index.php/hockey/comments/scott_walker_gets_a_game/
Me too, eh? I like how all the Canucks are playing right now, and the Sharks are fun to watch. Good stuff.
Total moran. What does he think this is, soccer?
“Me too, eh? I like how all the Canucks are playing right now, and the Sharks are fun to watch. Good stuff.”
Alanah has a funny post up over at Canucks and Beyond. Have you seen it already?
Oh no not yet. She’s hilarious. I’ll go read it right now.
You’ll laugh at it.
And on that note. I gotta jam! Making a chicken saltimboca for dinner, need to stop at the store! Yum!
See you all tomorrow.
Sound delish! See ya, Andrew! Go Canucks.
Sounds delish! See ya, Andrew! Go Canucks.