Dear Consistency As It Exists In The Devils Organization,
Yo. Where’ve you been?
It seems that open letters are all the rage these days, so we’ve decided to get into the act by writing one to you. It’s time we talked, Consistency As It Exists In The Devils Organization, because we’re a bit concerned that something might be wrong with you. Seriously. Where the hell are you spending all your time these days?
You were still your same old self this summer, when you kept our equilibrium intact by having, per usual, our douchiest player doucherocket himself across the Hudson. And you were strong as an ox when Lou got around to signing the same old kinds of free agents. You blew our minds with your influence on the new sweater design. And were you ever looking hale and hearty when we tried to catch a few open practices but the team was elusive and generally unapproachable. Yup, you were doing a great job keeping things “business as usual”, just the way you’re supposed to.
But lately, Consistency, you’re just not there.