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The Last Word On The All-Star Starting Lineups

The All Star Game starting line-ups have been announced and as usual we’re incensed at who’s been deemed an “all star” and who’s been deemed “less than”. We look at the guys who were “voted in” by the “fans” and have a hard time trying to figure out which league these so-called “fans” have been watching, because it’s clearly not the same one we are. Let’s take a look at the starters, position-by-position, and see how the “winners” match up to the guys we think are the real all-stars.

EASTERN CONFERENCE

Forward
Our pick: Dainius Zubrus

Zubrus was brought in to fill some mighty big shoes following the departure of Scott Gomez and his 60 points, and he brought with him a whopping cap hit of $3.4 million, a staggering sum that could have handcuffed most teams. But did he buckle under the pressure of being the Devils’ new go-to guy? No way! Zubie’s going into the break sporting some pretty hefty point totals: 7g 14a (21p). Dude, if he was a defenseman, he’d be kicking ass! And defense is just about the only position he hasn’t played this season (oh, and goaltender, too. But point us to the skater who has…); Zubrus has been like a 6′5″ Sergei Brylin, making him the biggest interchangeable part we’ve ever seen. So while he might be 151 slots out of first in the Art Ross race, he’s totally played in every position on every line for the Devils. And not just because Coach Sutter had a hard time finding a place where Zubrus would be effective. So that’s why Zubrus gets our pick to be the starting All-Star center — he plays anywhere and everywhere the Devils ask him to, showing a hell of a lot more utility than Gomez ever did, and Gomez was an All-Star, wasn’t he?

“Fans’” pick: Sidney Crosby

Are you serious? Sid Crosby? Has he ever been asked to play wing on the fourth line? Yeah, we didn’t think so. Furthermore, is Sid even half as tall as Zubrus? Yeah, we didn’t think so either. Sure, he’s got more points (18g 41a [59p]), but are the “fans” really that shallow? After the way he was leading the league in scoring last season, we kind of expect more than just 4th overall from Sid, but we guess we’re the only ones. Considering the way the NHL is force-feeding us “The Kid”, with his stupid flashy, innovative playing style, and his dumb Hart and Art Ross Trophies last year, and his leading the Penguins to the playoffs after carrying them on an ungodly tear through the second half of last season, we suppose it’s to be expected that some “fans” would ignorantly “vote” for him just because his name rings a bell for them. Seriously, it’s as if getting named an All-Star starter is like winning a popularity contest or something.

Forward
Our pick: Patty Elias

Okay, unlike Zubrus, Patty Elias was actually on the All-Star ballot, so we’re that much more outraged that he wasn’t selected. He’s got 9 goals and 15 assists, for an eye-popping 24 points. Sure, you’re thinking 24 points really isn’t that great, especially considering Patty’s ostensibly the Devils’ “best” skater. But you’ve got to consider the mitigating factor here — Patty was stripped of his C by Sutter. Some players would have sulked. Others would have demanded a trade. Still others would have slapped Sutter with a glove then demanded to meet him with pistols at dawn. But not Patty. He acted like a true All-Star, breaking out of his season-long slump immediately after the C was awarded to Langenbrunner, and then proceeded to slip right back into a new slump. Some might call him “inconsistent” (which is a polite way of saying “overpriced”), but we disagree; Patty is very consistent — consistently maddening, that is. And in an exhibition like the All-Star Game, what you need more than anything is a player who can bring out some passion in the fans. We feel very passionately about Patty, and that’s why he gets the nod.

“Fans’” pick: Vincent Lecavalier

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Has anyone been watching the Lightning this year? They blow. How anyone could have voted for Lecavalier is completely beyond us. He might be leading the league in scoring, but the guy’s team is a train wreck. It’s a joke he got picked; it’s like this is all just some big popularity contest.

Forward
Our pick: Arron Asham

We love surprises. We love pleasantness. So it goes to figure that we love pleasant surprises. And so should the “fans” who are “voting” on the All-Star starters. But noooooo. This year the “fans” seem to hate surprises, pleasantness, decency, kittens, chocolate and everything else that’s good in this world, because they “voted” for this guy:

“Fans’” pick: Daniel Alfredsson

Has everyone forgotten what a classless goon he was in the Stanley Cup Final, when he tried to lower himself to within shouting distance of the Ducks’ collective classlessness by shooting a puck at Scott Niedermayer’s chest? Wait. Is this selection just everyone’s way of saying they, too, would like to shoot a puck at Scott Niedermayer’s chest? Because we wouldn’t mind doing that. But that doesn’t mean we’re going to let our All-Star vote get into bed with a guy like Daniel Alfredsson. He’s got an entire team of super-champions skating with him. Remember, it wasn’t all that long ago that the Ottawa papers were planning to do day-by-day comparisons between this year’s Sens and the 1976-77 Canadiens, and we were being led to believe there was no greater collection of hockey talent in the universe than the Senators roster. So what is up with the “fans” pulling Alfredsson out of that incomparably gifted pile of players? Is it because he’s the captain? Because he got lots of press last Spring during their playoff run? Because he’s the “biggest name” on the team? Is the starting lineup of the All-Star Game no more than a popularity contest?

Defense
Our pick: Johnny Oduya

Going into this season the Devils were faced with a difficult conundrum — where to get the offense from the blueline that Brian Rafalski took with him when he trounced off to the greener pastures (smirk) of Detroit. Turns out that was one problem with an easy solution. Enter Johnny Oduya. He’s so had the hot stick, he can’t even hold on to it! ZING! Seriously, let’s look at the numbers while pitting him against the…

“Fans’” pick: Zdeno Chara

In 35 games this year, Oduya’s been good for 7 points. Chara, meanwhile, has chalked up 26 points in 42 games. For starters, right there we can see who’s better. See, Oduya’s been “good” and Chara’s been “chalk”; chalk’s just nasty. Morevoer, if we dig a little deeper we’ll see that Oduya’s scored all 7 of his points in 22 games. Let’s see, 22 divided by 7… carry the one… and we get 3.15. 42 divided by 26… let’s see here… nets us 1.6 HA! 3 is clearly bigger and better than 1 and thus Oduya is clearly the All Star here. It makes us wonder how Chara, who’s been an All Star reserve 3 times prior, got selected at all. What, is Chara just more popular than Oduya? Is that why more fans voted for him than the flashy young Devils defenseman?

Defense
Our pick: Sheldon Brookbank

You’re asking “Sheldon Whobank?” We can hear you. You have no idea who this hidden gem of a player is. Admit it! TELL US WHEN! Alright, fine, we’ll let you off the hook on this one because he’s only appeared in just over half of the games played this year by the Devils, and even then he was skating as the seventh defenseman. But here’s why we think this 4-point hero deserves to skate out with the stars in Atlanta this year: we distinctly — okay, somewhat — alright, more like foggily remember him scoring a game-winning goal against the Flyers. In our memories he’s a Flyer killer. Everyone hates the Flyers. Ergo, everyone loves Brookbank. The fact that those 4 points are — [thumbs through dusty ledgers brimming with statbits] — zero goals and four assists shouldn’t belittle what we believe to be true.

“Fans’” pick: Andrei Markov

Andrei Markov has never done anything in our memories. Ever. In fact, we were pretty sure his name was Danny until the line-up was announced. Brookbank + 1 big imaginary goal > Markov + zero imaginary goals. So how is it that this joker (Who wears sweater number 79? Jokers! That’s who!) gets the fame and glory of being an All-Star starter, his name forever etched in the silver rings of… um… wait, what do All-Star Starters get? A big novelty check and no vacation? Whatever it is Markov’s getting, he’s only getting it because of the sham that is All-Star voting. It’s almost as if these “votes” are “voted on” based on which players the “voters” think are the most popular. It makes us sick.

Goaltender
Our pick: Marty Brodeur

He is the greatest goalie to ever breathe. And we say that as totally unbiased observers, not as Devils fans. We’re bloggers, yo. We can leave the fandom at the door. Perhaps the most miraculous stat Marty’s pulled out this year is that he’s gone from being unconscionably putrid at the start of the season to kick-assedly awesome now. No, we don’t have numbers to back that up. But we’re bloggers, yo. We’re better than numbers.

“Fans’” pick: Marty Brodeur

Well, at least the “fans” “voted” correctly on one position. Although if they’d manage to get all six starters wrong, we’d probably have had to ask the government to intervene, either by mandating a more accurate All-Star starting line-up, or exterminating all these “fans” who are clearly too stupid to live. Because really, this is the All-Star Game. It is not a popularity contest.

WESTERN CONFERENCE

Do not even get us started on the starters the “fans” “voted in”. Looking at these names we have to wonder if the “fans” even know there’s an Eastern Conference, too. Hello? Western Conference bias much? Gah. It’s like it’s just one big popularity contest or something.

406 Responses to “The Last Word On The All-Star Starting Lineups”

  1. on January 9, 2008 at 9:46 pm Patty (in Dallas)

    WESTERN CONFERENCE…

    :^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::


  2. on January 9, 2008 at 11:19 pm MrFrisby

    BES.POST.EVAR!


  3. on January 9, 2008 at 11:25 pm Caitlin

    WESTERN CONFERENCE…

    :^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

    Seconded, stupid Red Wings!


  4. on January 9, 2008 at 11:26 pm Pookie

    BES.POST.EVAR!

    Glad you liked it, Frisby!

    Patty, Caitlin, it’s almost as if you’re scoffing at the notion of a West Coast bias…


  5. on January 9, 2008 at 11:44 pm Caitlin

    Patty, Caitlin, it’s almost as if you’re scoffing at the notion of a West Coast bias…

    Bias? In the West? Oh, surely not, no!


  6. on January 9, 2008 at 11:56 pm Patty (in Dallas)

    Patty, Caitlin, it’s almost as if you’re scoffing at the notion of a West Coast bias…

    Of course not! I’m agreeing with your assessment that it smacks of WC bias that no EC players were voted onto the WC team.


  7. on January 10, 2008 at 12:00 am Schnookie

    I’m agreeing with your assessment that it smacks of WC bias that no EC players were voted onto the WC team.

    Thanks. I am, personally, outraged by this. OUTRAGED. I’m telling you, the All-Star starters voters are possibly the stupidest people in sports. Who are these jackasses anyway? What are their credentials?


  8. on January 10, 2008 at 12:02 am Pookie

    Who are these jackasses anyway? What are their credentials?

    And why do they treat the sacred honor of selecting All Star starters as if it’s a popularity contest?!


  9. on January 10, 2008 at 12:04 am Patty (in Dallas)

    And why do they treat the sacred honor of selecting All Star starters as if it’s a popularity contest?!

    Exactly. It should be based more on stats. Therefore, all the voting should be done the night before the deadline so that you have the total stats picture when you vote.


  10. on January 10, 2008 at 12:05 am Patty (in Dallas)

    I think you have also hit on Oduya’s drop-stick issue. It’s because he has the hot stick!


  11. on January 10, 2008 at 12:06 am Pookie

    Yeah, there should be a ten minute window to cast your vote. And since there can only be one person who’s numerically the best, the ballot would only contain one choice per position — the right choice per position. Otherwise? It’s just a popularity contest!


  12. on January 10, 2008 at 12:08 am Schnookie

    You know what else? I don’t want any of these so-called “voters” hiding behind there only being a certain assortment of names made available on the All-Star ballot. I mean, only stupid people don’t know how to put together a grassroots All-Star campaign. When the wrong starters get picked (because there are, without doubt, “right” and “wrong” choices here), it’s because the STUPID PEOPLE were “voting”. And here we are, once again, dealing with the PR fallout that comes with our sport’s All-Star Game being a complete fucking joke. How can the NHL expect to be taken seriously if it can’t even get the “fans” to “vote” for the RIGHT players?


  13. on January 10, 2008 at 12:09 am Pookie

    I’m sure Oduya tries that line in every performance review. Sutter’s starting to get suspicious. He’s like, “If you have a hot stick… shouldn’t you score more points?” Oduya’s like, “Look! A hobo! He just dropped his bindle stick!”


  14. on January 10, 2008 at 12:19 am Patty (in Dallas)

    because there are, without doubt, “right” and “wrong” choices here

    Careful! You’re gonna wear your quotation-mark key down to a nub!


  15. on January 10, 2008 at 12:19 am Patty (in Dallas)

    “Fans” are “stupid” “!”


  16. on January 10, 2008 at 12:46 am Schnookie

    “What” “are” “you” “saying”, “Patty”?


  17. on January 10, 2008 at 12:47 am Schnookie

    Oh, and there was a lot more wear-and-tear on my fingers from making air-quotes while typing all those words than on the actual quotation mark key.


  18. on January 10, 2008 at 1:22 am Patty (in Dallas)

    Hahahaha!


  19. on January 10, 2008 at 7:32 am Mags

    BES.POST.EVAR!

    Ain’t that the truth :D

    You got 1000 comments on the last post? That is some crazy awesome going on right there. I feel like I should send you guys a card or something, to commemorate this wonderful event.


  20. on January 10, 2008 at 8:47 am Amy

    I just read the last comment thread. The puckbunny discussion was entertaining, and I think I might have hurt myself stifling a laugh or too. Must not let co-workers know I’m reading blogs.

    And since there can only be one person who’s numerically the best, the ballot would only contain one choice per position — the right choice per position.

    You know the NHL would somehow find a way to make sure that Sid filled every position for the EC. There’d be Sidbot clones, and the challenge would then be picking the real Sid out from amongst the clones.


  21. on January 10, 2008 at 8:50 am Amy

    Ugh, that should be “laugh or two.” Stupid homophones.


  22. on January 10, 2008 at 9:36 am Pookie

    Stupid homophones.

    Homophones suck!


  23. on January 10, 2008 at 9:51 am Schnookie

    Ugh, that should be “laugh or two.” Stupid homophones.

    Sorry, Amy. Even with the apology, don’t think your typo wasn’t noticed. You’re banned. We’ll just have to aspire to 2,000 comments in one thread someday without you. :P

    I’m still very flush from the feeling of victory. 1,000 was a very exciting milestone to hit, and I want to thank each and every contributor. We’re a great team, IPB (Ir)regulars! :D

    Oh, and the NHL would find a way to make the ballot all Sid and Ovechkin, because even though they play completely incomparable styles, this current generation of star players should really just boil down to their head-to-head matchup.


  24. on January 10, 2008 at 9:51 am Pookie

    You got 1000 comments on the last post? That is some crazy awesome going on right there.

    I’m so sorry I missed the 1,000th comment! You guys, all of you, are the best! Woo-hoo!

    It’s a good thing I went to bed, though, since I have a busy day of attending union contract seminars. That’s right, I’m going to be offline almost all day. Don’t these people know I have a serious internet addiction?!


  25. on January 10, 2008 at 9:58 am Meg

    Congrats on hitting 1000, ladies.

    I want to point out that while the comments might zip along even when you don’t post actual content, I suspect I speak for everyone in saying that we love your posts and are much happier when there is content.

    Also, maybe you haven’t noticed it, but when you guys are out of town, the comments are much quieter. Your presence on your blog is definitely very much required! :D


  26. on January 10, 2008 at 10:03 am Mags

    That sucks, Pookie! I hope the meetings aren’t 100% awful (although I don’t see how they wouldn’t be, but that might be my inner pessimist and meeting hater talking)

    The strange this (for me) about the 1000th comment was that I was awake when it was posted, but I had to go to school. So I could have been there when it happened, but I wasn’t. Kinda sad, considering my level of IPB addicted. Must. Sleep. Less.


  27. on January 10, 2008 at 10:06 am Pookie

    Aw, thanks Meg!


  28. on January 10, 2008 at 10:11 am Schnookie

    Thanks, Meg! We’re really only joking when we say we think this blog can run itself now (and if we honestly thought so we’d just turn it into a forum or something and spend a lot less effort on it….), but my ego doesn’t mind being reassured that you still like to read our posts! :D

    Must. Sleep. Less.

    That’s the attitude we like to hear!


  29. on January 10, 2008 at 10:19 am Meg

    We’re really only joking when we say we think this blog can run itself now

    I figured as much, but I also figured it never hurts to hear it.


  30. on January 10, 2008 at 10:21 am Mags

    That’s the attitude we like to hear!

    I’m glad :D. Given my current lack of proper spelling and grammar, it might not be such a great idea though *sigh* sorry guys, that last comment was awful.


  31. on January 10, 2008 at 10:21 am Matt

    We’re really only joking when we say we think this blog can run itself now

    Oh, thank god! How else would I get the important and insightful news analysis that I’ve come to rely so heavily upon? Without a functioning IPB, I wouldn’t know that the All-Star Game was a popularity contest!


  32. on January 10, 2008 at 10:29 am Schnookie

    Without a functioning IPB, I wouldn’t know that the All-Star Game was a popularity contest!

    I know, I know. I realize you all have come to expect a high level of news analysis from us, but even that probably wasn’t enough to prepare you for the bombshell we dropped in this post. But I just couldn’t go another year without exposing the web of deceit the NHL and MSM have woven around the All-Star Game. While it may seem like a sacred trust… really it’s just a popularity contest. I’m sorry, guys. Oh, and there is no Santa Claus.


  33. on January 10, 2008 at 10:38 am Matt

    Oh, and there is no Santa Claus.

    GAHHHH!!! MY EYES!!! MY EYES!!! IT BURNS!!!


  34. on January 10, 2008 at 10:42 am Mags

    there is no Santa Claus.

    Please tell me you’re lying. But you wouldn’t do that to us, would you? ‘Cause you’re a proper blogger. Omigod there really is no Santa is there? That’s HORRIBLE.


  35. on January 10, 2008 at 10:44 am Schnookie

    Yeah, I know. I’m sorry. But I finally got my Blogging Handbook from the licensing office (along with my housecat registration forms), and it turns out I’m not allowed to tell lies in this space. I’ve got 397 posts chock full o’ lies to make up for now.


  36. on January 10, 2008 at 10:50 am Caitlin

    Matt & Mags - sorry for the delay this morning, as I’ve been swamped at work, but that e-mail should be hitting your inboxes at any second.


  37. on January 10, 2008 at 10:52 am Matt

    it turns out I’m not allowed to tell lies in this space

    I wouldn’t call them lies per se, but perhaps “opinions and freely shared world views”?


  38. on January 10, 2008 at 10:53 am Matt

    I maintain that your statement on Santa Claus is an invalid opinion propagated by the leprechaun cabal.


  39. on January 10, 2008 at 10:56 am Matt

    an invalid opinion

    Hrm…poorly worded. I meant to say “unfortunately misguided opinion, based on the deliberately inflammatory and inaccurate reporting of the leprechaun cabal.


  40. on January 10, 2008 at 10:58 am Mags

    Caitlin, don’t worry about it.


  41. on January 10, 2008 at 10:59 am Sherry

    So what is up with the “fans” pulling Alfredsson out of that incomparably gifted pile of players?

    Clearly, he got the token Swede vote.

    Omigod there really is no Santa is there?

    There is Mags, of course there is. He won’t come if you don’t believe in him!


  42. on January 10, 2008 at 10:59 am Caitlin

    ‘Cause you’re a proper blogger. Omigod there really is no Santa is there? That’s HORRIBLE.

    Thanks for ruining my childhood, IPB! ;)


  43. on January 10, 2008 at 11:00 am Schnookie

    I maintain that your statement on Santa Claus is an invalid opinion propagated by the leprechaun cabal.

    Please, Matt. We’re a .com. That means we’re not under the sway of the leprechaun cabal. They’ve got all the .orgs under their sway, though, so watch out, people.


  44. on January 10, 2008 at 11:01 am Meg

    Ok, I was just avoiding some boring work by reading Ultimate Sports Road Trip, and I have to say that the fact that Devil’s fans chant, “Rangers Suck, Flyers Swallow,” is hilarious.


  45. on January 10, 2008 at 11:03 am Mags

    There is Mags, of course there is. He won’t come if you don’t believe in him!

    Phew! Thanks, Sherry, for restoring my faith in the world as it is :D


  46. on January 10, 2008 at 11:03 am Amy

    We’re a .com. That means we’re not under the sway of the leprechaun cabal. They’ve got all the .orgs under their sway, though, so watch out, people.

    Are you then under the control of the lollipop guild?


  47. on January 10, 2008 at 11:04 am Matt

    Are you then under the control of the lollipop guild?

    Can’t be. That’s an associate guild of the Leprechauns


  48. on January 10, 2008 at 11:04 am Mags

    “Rangers Suck, Flyers Swallow”

    Holy shit, that made me laugh so hard I now have applesauce all over my keyboard.


  49. on January 10, 2008 at 11:08 am Matt

    Holy shit, that made me laugh so hard I now have applesauce all over my keyboard.

    My favorite part of that chant is that, because of the easy travel within the Atlantic Division, you hear that chant at all the area arenas…. The Garden especially. Man! That pisses off the Rangers fans =)


  50. on January 10, 2008 at 11:11 am Amy

    “Rangers Suck, Flyers Swallow,”

    Appropriate, since both teams have slag faced whores on their rosters.


  51. on January 10, 2008 at 11:16 am Schnookie

    I have to say that the fact that Devil’s fans chant, “Rangers Suck, Flyers Swallow,” is hilarious.

    The “Flyers swallow” part hadn’t been added to the cheer yet back when I still had season tickets, so I have to admit to being a bit of a “Rangers suck” purist. While I agree about the hilariousness of the cheer, I personally don’t like to water down my “Rangers suck”s with any sentiment about the Flyers, no matter how appropriately vulgar and derisive. I have a laser-like focus on declaring how much the Rangers suck, and never veer off topic. :D

    Are you then under the control of the lollipop guild?

    Can’t be. That’s an associate guild of the Leprechauns

    Wouldn’t you all just like to know who’s secretly pulling the strings around here!

    (Oh, and :^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::)


  52. on January 10, 2008 at 11:41 am Mags

    Wow, did IPB ever die or what? Not that I have anything to contribute. Did y’all burn out from collectively posting 1000 comments yesterday?


  53. on January 10, 2008 at 11:43 am Schnookie

    Did y’all burn out from collectively posting 1000 comments yesterday?

    Yes. I have no more comments. At all. :P


  54. on January 10, 2008 at 11:44 am Mags

    Yes. I have no more comments. At all. :P

    That is probably less true that the fact that Santa doesn’t exist :P


  55. on January 10, 2008 at 11:45 am Matt

    Did y’all burn out from collectively posting 1000 comments yesterday?

    I fell asleep on my keyboard. It wouldn’t be so bad if my boss didn’t just walk in and see me napping. Gotta remember to set the door alarm next time…


  56. on January 10, 2008 at 11:47 am Meg

    I’m just sitting here debating whether or not I would be able to make it to work tomorrow if I drink the entire bottle of wine I have sitting around my apartment during the Sens game tonight.


  57. on January 10, 2008 at 11:49 am Mags

    I fell asleep on my keyboard. It wouldn’t be so bad if my boss didn’t just walk in and see me napping.

    Whoops.

    ’m just sitting here debating whether or not I would be able to make it to work tomorrow if I drink the entire bottle of wine I have sitting around my apartment during the Sens game tonight.

    Depends on your tolerance for alcohol. I know people who could pull it off. (I also know people who wouldn’t make it to work/school if they didn’t drink an entire bottle of wine. But my generation doesn’t have an alcohol problem. Noooooo)


  58. on January 10, 2008 at 11:50 am Schnookie

    I’m just sitting here debating whether or not I would be able to make it to work tomorrow if I drink the entire bottle of wine I have sitting around my apartment during the Sens game tonight.

    Well, if the Sabres can suck in a consistent and even manner throughout the course of the entire game, then you’ll be able to pace yourself and should be fine. But if they do something of the “rip your beating heart out of your chest and then drop it so you can watch it bleed out in your own lap” variety, then no, you’ll probably need to burn a sick day.


  59. on January 10, 2008 at 11:51 am Patty (in Dallas)

    But I finally got my Blogging Handbook from the licensing office (along with my housecat registration forms), and it turns out I’m not allowed to tell lies in this space. I’ve got 397 posts chock full o’ lies to make up for now.

    I thought I could tell whether a blog was holding itself accountable for its content, but I can see now that I was deluded.


  60. on January 10, 2008 at 11:55 am Amy

    Wouldn’t you all just like to know who’s secretly pulling the strings around here!

    Farve the Cat? Boxworthy?

    “rip your beating heart out of your chest and then drop it so you can watch it bleed out in your own lap”

    That’s a great visual. And unfortunately, something the Sabres seem entirely capable of doing these days.


  61. on January 10, 2008 at 11:57 am Meg

    Depends on your tolerance for alcohol. I know people who could pull it off. (I also know people who wouldn’t make it to work/school if they didn’t drink an entire bottle of wine. But my generation doesn’t have an alcohol problem. Noooooo)

    Think lightweight. I think Schnookie’s right, if they suck consistently but at a normal level I might be ok. If they suck the way I expect them to suck, particularly with Thibault in net, I should perhaps stop at half the bottle and save the rest for the upcoming Devils game. Although since I don’t have to work the day after that one, I could always pull out the vodka then.

    These big decisions, y’know.


  62. on January 10, 2008 at 11:58 am Caitlin

    Wow, did IPB ever die or what? Not that I have anything to contribute. Did y’all burn out from collectively posting 1000 comments yesterday?

    Unfortunately, I didn’t die (although I feel like I am right now), but I have been craaaazy busy at work.

    Schnookie, I saw that comment you wrote last night! We’ll FIHT all the way to the end for first place in line! :D

    I thought I could tell whether a blog was holding itself accountable for its content, but I can see now that I was deluded.

    Aww, Patty! Booooo!


  63. on January 10, 2008 at 12:04 pm Schnookie

    That’s a great visual. And unfortunately, something the Sabres seem entirely capable of doing these days.

    Heh. That’s the descriptor I used for G2 of the Devils-Hurricanes series in 2006. The one where the Devils scored the go-ahead goal with, like, 20 seconds left in the third. And then lost in overtime. It’s a special kind of crushingly awful, that kind of loss. :P

    These big decisions, y’know.

    It’s a terrible burden for you, Meg, trying to find the best way to dull the pain of this latest stretch of hockey. Self-medicating really isn’t for the faint of heart, is it?


  64. on January 10, 2008 at 12:08 pm Meg

    It’s a terrible burden for you, Meg, trying to find the best way to dull the pain of this latest stretch of hockey. Self-medicating really isn’t for the faint of heart, is it?

    That’s what I’m saying. I’m not usually much of a self-medicator at all, but I feel like if any game has the potential to require it, this is the one.


  65. on January 10, 2008 at 12:13 pm Mags

    Unfortunately, I didn’t die (although I feel like I am right now), but I have been craaaazy busy at work.

    Awwwww, *hugs*.

    I just want to go on record as saying I’m mega glad IPB exists. Coach just cancelled practice, and God I would not know what to do with myself if I didn’t have you guys.


  66. on January 10, 2008 at 12:14 pm Schnookie

    I’m not usually much of a self-medicator at all, but I feel like if any game has the potential to require it, this is the one.

    Furthermore, imagine how much more delightful the celebration will be when they pull the upset, and suddenly instead of just being happy, you’re a drunken reveler!


  67. on January 10, 2008 at 12:18 pm Heather B.

    That’s what I’m saying. I’m not usually much of a self-medicator at all, but I feel like if any game has the potential to require it, this is the one.

    I’ve got a bottle of Vicodin all ready to go.


  68. on January 10, 2008 at 12:19 pm Mags

    I’ve got a bottle of Vicodin all ready to go.

    It can’t be THAT bad, can it?


  69. on January 10, 2008 at 12:19 pm alix

    Good morning IPB!

    I was just totally traumatized in anthropology class. We were watching this video on different cultures, and they were talking about hunting. All of a sudden, they were spearing a giraffe repeatedly. It was horrible! As if the horror of losing Matty O to IR wasn’t enough.


  70. on January 10, 2008 at 12:20 pm Heather B.

    It can’t be THAT bad, can it?

    Oh, it can. Okay, probably not, but unlike Meg I don’t have to worry about going to work the next morning so I’m going all the way, baby!

    alix, that’s hilarious! But also very, very sad!


  71. on January 10, 2008 at 12:20 pm Caitlin

    Guys, they just put up the rest of the All-Star roster for the West (sorry, -Ookies):

    http://www.nhl.com/allstar/2008/west_roster.html

    WTF. They put Zubov on there? I don’t know why they even bothered - they know he’s not going to show up. They might as well give it to the next d-man on the list.

    (I don’t like the idea of Zubov & Pronger playing together.)

    You’ll be glad to know Getzi made it, Schnookie.


  72. on January 10, 2008 at 12:21 pm Mags

    We were watching this video on different cultures, and they were talking about hunting. All of a sudden, they were spearing a giraffe repeatedly. It was horrible!

    OMG! That’s terrible! Poor Alix! Are you ok? Do we need to send help (seriously. I’m going to send you my Canucks cards anyway, might as well send you something else)


  73. on January 10, 2008 at 12:25 pm Schnookie

    I am OUTRAGED by the selections for the WC All-Star team. I mean, I haven’t even heard of most of those guys, let alone seen any of them play in the last three years. Why is the NHL trying to alienate me? :P

    (Actually, the Marauders are very happy to see Duncan Keith on there, because he’s one of the players I picked myself, ages and ages ago before he became the huge-time star he am now. And I’m glad to see Getzi was named to the squad, because it means I can actually attend the game in person. I mean, since my stated reason for going to games is to have sex with him, it stands to reason that if he wasn’t there, I wouldn’t be either. Well played, NHL. Well played. Good job keeping me interested.)


  74. on January 10, 2008 at 12:26 pm Schnookie

    Oh, and alix, I’m so sorry about the giraffe video!


  75. on January 10, 2008 at 12:27 pm alix

    Hee. I’ll be fine with the Canucks cards.

    Oh my gosh! They’re actually sending a Sedin! Wow! I feel kind of bad for Danny, but I’m sure he won’t care.

    And now I’m almost late for class, so I better run. Talk to you all later!


  76. on January 10, 2008 at 12:29 pm alix

    Thanks, Schnoookie.


  77. on January 10, 2008 at 12:30 pm Mags

    The Waffles are happy for Manny Legace, Chris Pronger, Anze Kopitar and Henrik Sedin. Who knew my team were such popular prom queens?


  78. on January 10, 2008 at 12:32 pm Amy

    The Mother Puckers are happy that Shaun Horcoff made the All-Star team.


  79. on January 10, 2008 at 12:34 pm Meg

    The Waffles are happy for Manny Legace, Chris Pronger, Anze Kopitar and Henrik Sedin. Who knew my team were such popular prom queens?

    Hee! The Chinchillas have Legace, Lidstrom, Zetterberg, Datsyuk, and Stastny. Stastny is totally on the bad list at present though.


  80. on January 10, 2008 at 12:40 pm Mags

    You guys, after all that talk in the comments yesterday, I decided I wanted to order Katamari and Guitar Hero for myself and they. do. not. exist. here. I need to move back home *sobs*


  81. on January 10, 2008 at 12:41 pm Schnookie

    We had some difficulty finding Katamari online for Heather, actually. If that’s any help at all.


  82. on January 10, 2008 at 12:43 pm Caitlin

    I decided I wanted to order Katamari and Guitar Hero for myself and they. do. not. exist. here. I need to move back home *sobs*

    What?! NO! That’s seventy kinds of wrong.


  83. on January 10, 2008 at 12:45 pm Mags

    Schnookie, I’m glad I’m not just going crazy. I’m finding the problem is that it hasn’t been written for any European systems, just Asia and America. I could order a copy from there, but I can’t play it in my PS2. Same with Guitar Hero for my Wii. Fail. (ok, stopping with the whining now)


  84. on January 10, 2008 at 1:04 pm Mags

    I’ll get my coat.


  85. on January 10, 2008 at 1:05 pm Katebits

    NICE POST! Holy Cow!


  86. on January 10, 2008 at 1:06 pm Amy

    Mags, where is home originally?


  87. on January 10, 2008 at 1:08 pm kms2

    Admit it! TELL US WHEN!

    Hahah! I always laugh when you include that in a post.


  88. on January 10, 2008 at 1:09 pm Patty (in Dallas)

    I don’t know, Caitlin. Here’s what he says:

    “This is a huge honor for me and I am very excited to represent my team at the All-Star Game,” said Zubov. “My teammates had a lot to do with this because I would obviously not being going if it wasn’t for them. It should be a fun weekend and I’m really looking forward to it.”

    I agree that I don’t like it when he’s on the same ice with Pronger. I wouldn’t put it past him to elbow a teammate in the head.


  89. on January 10, 2008 at 1:16 pm kms2

    I wouldn’t put it past him to elbow a teammate in the head

    I can’t believe Derian Hatcher put a teammate on IR before Pronger.


  90. on January 10, 2008 at 1:16 pm Caitlin

    “This is a huge honor for me and I am very excited to represent my team at the All-Star Game,” said Zubov. “My teammates had a lot to do with this because I would obviously not being going if it wasn’t for them. It should be a fun weekend and I’m really looking forward to it.”

    Ah, translation:

    “I’m really unhappy about receiving any sort of personal attention, but Brett Hull & Les Jackson have told me I need to suck it up and go anyways and give you reporters a decent soundbyte. I’m not thrilled with it, but Brett’s explained that Paragraph 5, Subsection C, Part (a) of my contract obligates me to go to such frivolous festivities. This will be the weekend from hell, and I wish it would end as soon as possible. I just play for my team and because I love hockey. I wish you all would leave me alone.”


  91. on January 10, 2008 at 1:17 pm Mags

    Amy, actually I’m not sure I really have a “home”. Most of my family live in upstate New York, Ontario and Quebec. My best friends live in New Jersey and Nova Scotia. So I guess home is the Northeast.

    Patty, surely not even Pronger would do that (besides, Russian could just deathglare him)


  92. on January 10, 2008 at 1:18 pm Patty (in Dallas)

    Wow, Caitlin! You do speak Russian!


  93. on January 10, 2008 at 1:19 pm Patty (in Dallas)

    Patty, surely not even Pronger would do that (besides, Russian could just deathglare him)

    Haha!

    And Pronger would probably break his elbow on the glass after Zubie ducked the hit and he slammed into the glass instead of into Zubie.


  94. on January 10, 2008 at 1:20 pm Mags

    Wow, Caitlin, you’re goooooood.


  95. on January 10, 2008 at 1:21 pm Caitlin

    Wow, Caitlin! You do speak Russian!

    :^:::::::::::::::::::::::::

    Patty, surely not even Pronger would do that (besides, Russian could just deathglare him)

    Not only will Russian deathglare him, he’ll put him in a headlock!


  96. on January 10, 2008 at 1:21 pm Schnookie

    Admit it! TELL US WHEN!

    Hahah! I always laugh when you include that in a post.

    I won’t lie — it always cracks me up, too! :P

    NICE POST! Holy Cow!

    Thanks, Katebits. And really, you can just keep piling on the praise…

    And Caitlin, my real-life, face-to-face encounter with Zubov was at the ‘98 A-S Game in Vancouver, so I guess there’s precendent for him to be there.


  97. on January 10, 2008 at 1:22 pm Mags

    And Pronger would probably break his elbow on the glass after Zubie ducked the hit and he slammed into the glass instead of into Zubie.

    Considering the elbow pads that guy wears, that is unlikely. But hey, it’d be fun!


  98. on January 10, 2008 at 1:22 pm Caitlin

    And Pronger would probably break his elbow on the glass after Zubie ducked the hit and he slammed into the glass instead of into Zubie.

    He’s very good at that. He gets himself around hits all the time, and I’m not sure how he does it.

    Jen mentioned to me that she’s seen articles/reports done before about how Zubov hardly ever has to look at the clock, but somehow can always tell if time needs to be added or subtracted and is always the first to tell the refs about it. I don’t know how he does it either.

    He’s some sort of magical Russian, I guess.


  99. on January 10, 2008 at 1:23 pm Matt

    I decided I wanted to order Katamari and Guitar Hero for myself and they. do. not. exist. here. I need to move back home *sobs*

    Wait….so you have a PS2 and a Wii, but bought in Europe? Or boughtin the US and taken overseas?


  100. on January 10, 2008 at 1:24 pm Caitlin

    And Caitlin, my real-life, face-to-face encounter with Zubov was at the ‘98 A-S Game in Vancouver, so I guess there’s precendent for him to be there.

    Yes, he’s gone before, although in recent years he hasn’t been. Given his intense dislike for media, cameras and people in general, I’ve always stuck by my belief that the Stars had to bribe him to go every year he was eligible to go.


  101. on January 10, 2008 at 1:24 pm Mags

    Russian is just mega smart. That’s what it is.


  102. on January 10, 2008 at 1:25 pm Mags

    you have a PS2 and a Wii, but bought in Europe?

    Yes. You can’t take an American system and use it here (as my sister discovered with the Xbox) because TVs don’t use the same coding.


  103. on January 10, 2008 at 1:26 pm kms2

    Ok, I need help. What kind of game is Katamari and is it available for Xbox 360? I want to play this game so badly but I don’t even know what it’s like!


  104. on January 10, 2008 at 1:26 pm Matt

    I don’t know how he does it either.

    He’s some sort of magical Russian, I guess.

    Before the fall of communism, he was the subject of secret soviet experiments to create a superhuman hockey machine to reclaim the ruined reputation of Tretiak. Among the bionic improvements is a digital clock implanted in his right ankle.


  105. on January 10, 2008 at 1:26 pm Meg

    Speaking of Pronger, apparently he’s a big Giuliani supporter (thanks, Battle of Alberta!). Setting politics aside, there’s something very right about Pronger supporting such a nasty human being. I’m totally getting a kick out of it.


  106. on January 10, 2008 at 1:28 pm Caitlin

    Before the fall of communism, he was the subject of secret soviet experiments to create a superhuman hockey machine to reclaim the ruined reputation of Tretiak. Among the bionic improvements is a digital clock implanted in his right ankle.

    :^::::::::::::::::::::::::::

    *gasp*

    :^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

    You know, you can still buy Tretiak bobbleheads. (I kinda want one!) Speaking of Russians, did anyone check out the Russian Superleague brawl Mirtle posted? Craziness.


  107. on January 10, 2008 at 1:29 pm Matt

    Yes. You can’t take an American system and use it here (as my sister discovered with the Xbox) because TVs don’t use the same coding.

    Mostly, kinda, sorta, true, but sufficient for our purposes. However, there are some ways around it that might be useful. Lemme talk with my friend over at Gamestop and see if he knows all the salient details.

    And no, it doesn’t void warranties.

    What kind of game is Katamari and is it available for Xbox 360?

    Sadly, Katamari pre-dates the 360 and was a Sony exclusive (I think).


  108. on January 10, 2008 at 1:29 pm Mags

    Speaking of Pronger, apparently he’s a big Giuliani supporter

    *sigh* Prongs? Why?


  109. on January 10, 2008 at 1:31 pm Heather B.

    Ok, I need help. What kind of game is Katamari and is it available for Xbox 360?

    It’s a totally AWESOME game. I’m not sure how you’d explain it really, but my favorite thing about it is how simple it is. You really only use the little toggle things - no crazy button combinations which kill me in other games. Don’t know about it being available on X-Box though. Sorry.


  110. on January 10, 2008 at 1:31 pm Mags

    Matt, man, if you can help I seriously owe you big. The only reason I haven’t screwed with my PS2 so it can play stuff from abroad (because I know it can be done) is because of that freaky warranty drivel people throw at me all the time.


  111. on January 10, 2008 at 1:31 pm Matt

    You know, you can still buy Tretiak bobbleheads.

    Y’all ever taken a trip to the HHOF? Last time I was up there, I was wandering around in the very back and stumbled on something very cool. In a random display case on the back wall, was Tretiak’s Order of Lenin flag. Just kinda draped over some old photos of something else…. I forget what. I walked right by, then my mind clicked and said “HEY! LOOK AT THAT!!” It was very cool.


  112. on January 10, 2008 at 1:32 pm Schnookie

    kms2, Katamari is the pure, video-game distillation of joy and fun. It’s wildly simple to play, and the conceit is just that you roll a little ball over all manner of objects and pick them up as you roll over them. The more objects you pick up, the bigger the ball gets, and as the ball grows you can pick up increasingly larger objects. In order to win you have to reach a certain size in a given amount of time. It’s AWESOME. There are three games, and the third one, Beautiful Katamari is for Xbox. I HIGHLY recommend it (although the first one, which is for PS2, is my favorite).


  113. on January 10, 2008 at 1:32 pm Matt

    You know, you can still buy Tretiak bobbleheads.

    Y’all ever taken a trip to the HHOF? Last time I was up there, I was wandering around in the very back and stumbled on something very cool. In a random display case on the back wall, was Tretiak’s Order of Lenin flag. Just kinda draped over some old photos of something else…. I forget what. I walked right by, then my mind clicked and said “HEY! LOOK AT THAT!!” It was very cool.


  114. on January 10, 2008 at 1:33 pm Heather B.

    I can’t find who asked - I’m too lazy to look that hard - but the Katamari sequel is availabe on X-box 360. I have no idea if it’s the same, better, worse etc.


  115. on January 10, 2008 at 1:35 pm Matt

    Technically, it’s the 3rd sequel that’s available on the 360, and rumored to be released soon on the Wii (although not confirmed). You can get the 2nd sequel on the PSP. Sadly, the original and 1st sequel are only on PS2


  116. on January 10, 2008 at 1:36 pm Schnookie

    The Xbox Katamari is HD. The graphics are completely dizzying. And on the last level you roll up continents. It’s easier than the first two, and the music’s not as good, but still. It’s Katamari. (And there are a zillion more Royal Presents, so the prince [or, as we call him, Zach] gets lots more hilarious outfits.)


  117. on January 10, 2008 at 1:36 pm Matt

    Anybody that’s never seen it or played, here’s a quick sample of gameplay.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwhFH75OCDs


  118. on January 10, 2008 at 1:38 pm Caitlin

    Y’all ever taken a trip to the HHOF?

    I’ve never been, but I want to go!

    In a random display case on the back wall, was Tretiak’s Order of Lenin flag.

    OMG MATT! You speak my language. I’d give my eye teeth to see that!

    I have never played Katamari, and now I’m a little scared to play, for fear I will never step away from the console ever again. I mean, Guitar Hero’s bad enough.


  119. on January 10, 2008 at 1:41 pm kms2

    no crazy button combinations which kill me in other games.

    I’ve pretty much given up on NHL ‘08 because I can’t make my players do any fancy moves. They get the puck, skate up ice, and shoot. No passing, no checking, nothing. My teams always suck even worse than the real life Kings.

    Schnookie, your description of Katamari is absolutely hysterical. I definitely need to get the game!! I’m currently hooked on GH but I think I could use a break. My brother just got GH this week and played for 7 hours straight and beat it on Easy and Medium. He went to bed at 5 am, slept through his alarm, woke up at 10am and was late for work. He’s the worst lawyer ever.


  120. on January 10, 2008 at 1:43 pm Matt

    OMG MATT! You speak my language. I’d give my eye teeth to see that!

    The other thing that was really impressive was that the Stanley Cup (original) was in this nice vault, along with some old rings (removed from the cup to make room for more names) and a few championship rings (like, for fingers). The place used to be a bank, I guess.

    One of the 2 currently-used cups is on permanent display, but totally not behind any sort of glass. They encourage you to go and touch it, to get your picture taken with it. And it’s not the crappy amusement-park pics that you’d see in the US. They happily took photos of me and the cup on my camera, my sister’s camera, and my friend’s phone. They didn’t even mind holding up the line so we could snap some pics of just the cup, with nobody near it. That was awesome!


  121. on January 10, 2008 at 1:43 pm kms2

    here’s a quick sample of gameplay.

    thanks for the link. I”ll have to check it out later because I can’t access youtube at work…so lame.

    anyway, I’m off to a workshop. Cheer for my Kings tonight, we’re playing the Leafs!


  122. on January 10, 2008 at 1:44 pm Matt

    I’ve pretty much given up on NHL ‘08

    Ewwwwwwwww. NHL 2k8 is sooo much better. I rock at that game, with pretty much the same technique!


  123. on January 10, 2008 at 1:46 pm kms2

    NHL 2k8 is sooo much better

    Really?? I got NHL 2k7 last year and I thought it f’ing sucked, which is why I went for NHL ‘08 this season.


  124. on January 10, 2008 at 1:47 pm Matt

    Really?? I got NHL 2k7 last year and I thought it f’ing sucked

    Oh, well then never mind. I’ve always preferred the 2k games to the NHL ‘0-series.


  125. on January 10, 2008 at 1:49 pm Heather B.

    Yeah, I can’t play sports games at all. I want to but I can’t! Too many buttons!

    I was talking to the guy at the card shop who wants to put an ad on my blog and he said that Derek Roy wore manpris when he came in to sign some stuff for them. That cracks me up.


  126. on January 10, 2008 at 1:49 pm Jen

    Jen mentioned to me that she’s seen articles/reports done before about how Zubov hardly ever has to look at the clock, but somehow can always tell if time needs to be added or subtracted and is always the first to tell the refs about it. I don’t know how he does it either.

    He’s some sort of magical Russian, I guess.

    He is magical Russian. We know this. Magical Russian scared of Christmas Cards


  127. on January 10, 2008 at 1:51 pm Meg

    Yeah, I can’t play sports games at all. I want to but I can’t! Too many buttons!

    My incompetence in the face of buttons is one of the biggest reasons I don’t have a video game system.


  128. on January 10, 2008 at 1:52 pm Caitlin

    Russian is just mega smart. That’s what it is.

    Oh, Mags, I was going to tell you this, as I think you’d find it funny.

    Jen has a friend who plays in an adult hockey league that practices sometimes at the same rink the Stars practice at. One day, they spotted Sergei Zubov coming out from the Stars locker room after the Stars had practiced, and these people were walking up to Zubov and trying to talk to him and stuff.

    The poor man apparently just couldn’t deal with it, so he told them, “Oh look, Mike Modano’s over there,” and as the fans went cruising to look for Modano (who wasn’t really there, I don’t think), Zubov sneakily escaped out the back way.

    Some might think it’s kind of a jerk move, but it’s classically Zubie and I think any Stars fan would expect him to run away in terror like that, if they knew anything about him.


  129. on January 10, 2008 at 1:53 pm Caitlin

    Magical Russian scared of Christmas Cards

    Well, there could be a bomb in there. Or anthrax.

    Or something saying, “You should really win the Norris Trophy.”


  130. on January 10, 2008 at 1:54 pm Heather B.

    The poor man apparently just couldn’t deal with it, so he told them, “Oh look, Mike Modano’s over there,” and as the fans went cruising to look for Modano (who wasn’t really there, I don’t think), Zubov sneakily escaped out the back way.

    Awww, cute. It’s his version of, “Look a hobo!”


  131. on January 10, 2008 at 1:55 pm Mags

    Magical Russian scared of Christmas Cards

    Maybe he was Santa in a past life.

    I can’t do any of the fancy moves in NHL ‘07 either, but I can pass and shoot and check and stuff. But not like, deke, or win shootouts. If I tie in regular, enjoy your 2 points, computer. Luckily for me, I tend to win with big scores :D I haven’t got ‘08 *through gritted teeth* because it’s not out here yet.

    I don’t know if NHL 2k is any better, I’ve never played it.


  132. on January 10, 2008 at 1:57 pm Mags

    Awwwww, Russian is so adorable! It might be assy, but it’s also totally clever. I mean, realistically, if you had to pick between someone who can deal with the attention versus someone who has trouble with it, I’d send people over to the first guy too.


  133. on January 10, 2008 at 1:57 pm Amy

    My incompetence in the face of buttons is one of the biggest reasons I don’t have a video game system.

    Same here. I can play Tetris well, and that’s about it.


  134. on January 10, 2008 at 2:00 pm Jen

    Jen has a friend who plays in an adult hockey league that practices sometimes at the same rink the Stars practice at.

    It was his little brother actually.


  135. on January 10, 2008 at 2:01 pm Caitlin

    It was his little brother actually.

    Crap, I can’t read! Damn, I should’ve told you to post it. ;) You probably would’ve told it better anyways.


  136. on January 10, 2008 at 2:08 pm Jen

    you told it better than i could’ve actually, especially today.


  137. on January 10, 2008 at 2:08 pm Matt

    Mags,

    You do know that they did make PAL versions of We <3 Katamari as well as Me & My Katamari (sequels 1 and 2) for the PS2, right?


  138. on January 10, 2008 at 2:10 pm Matt

    You do know that they did make PAL versions of We <3 Katamari as well as Me & My Katamari (sequels 1 and 2) for the PS2, right?

    Meaning that you could play them on a euro PS2, which I imagine you could pick up fairly cheaply used….


  139. on January 10, 2008 at 2:10 pm Meg

    Q: What could make the upcoming game against Ottawa better?

    A: Connolly being out in addition to Roy and Afinogenov.


  140. on January 10, 2008 at 2:10 pm Mags

    Matt, I am so aware of that it hurts. I also know I have been ALL OVER THE PLACE an have not found a copy.