Tonight finds stately IPB Manor in a state of emergency. No, worse than that. What’s a more dire situation than an emergency? Disaster? Catastrophe? Unimaginable breakdown of the basic tenets of human civilization? Yeah, that’s more like it. You see, Gentle Reader, we’re having a weather situation, and thanks to a robust bit of sticky snow, we are getting TV signals from neither our satellite nor our cable. That’s right: there are eight games on tonight and we can see none of them. This is a travesty! We considered, as we watched our cable feed descend into irreparable pixelation, writing an open letter to the weather. The following exchange ensued:
Pookie: “Weather, you’ve made our Senators/Hurricanes game look like a gerbil wearing clothes!” Pause. “Doesn’t this look like a gerbil in a suit?”
Schnookie: “Well, this is Canadian television. It probably is a gerbil in a suit.”
So yeah, Weather, this is what we’re reduced to. Trying to decide if we’re looking at a gerbil in a suit or not. It’s bad enough we’re going out of town and will be without hockey this weekend — was it absolutely necessary to take it away from us tonight, too? You’re just lucky it’s not a Devils game tonight, or you’d be getting more than an open letter; you’d be getting a sternly worded letter. Wait, hold on a sec… Where the hell were you last night, Weather, when we could have used a TV outage?