Gentle Reader, you might recall that last week we did the unthinkable and issued an apology to Versus for bitching about how they weren’t sending us a magnetic playoff tracker after we whored ourselves out for them during the All-Star Weekend. You see, they sent us an email saying our playoff tracker was in the mail, and that they really did love us, and that we hadn’t actually whored ourselves so much as we’d engaged in a slightly-less-than-innocent flirtation that was laying the groundwork for a happy, long-term relationship. So we sat by our mailbox, hearts racing, ready to shout our love of Versus to the heavens. And then we heard from all our VS-whore friends that they’d already gotten their magnetic playoff trackers, or maybe their ice cube trays and air hockey shooters, or, at worst, their baseball caps, and what were we doing still sitting at the curb, all tarted up, waiting for the mailman to arrive? Hours turned to days, and days turned to a week and a half, and here we are, playoff trackerless, listening to the wind howling eerily through our empty mailbox, and publicly humiliated because we stupidly posted our misplaced hope for all to see.
It will not happen again.
Our hearts have blackened and turned to iron, and will never again be bestowed innocently upon a suitor. Our dreams have been shattered and scattered, and will never again be filled with visions of gaiety and joy. Our playoffs are untracked and unmagnetic, and will never again be followed with the name “Versus” floating on our breath. Nay, Gentle Reader, we are through with Versus. We have been hurt too often and too severely. From now on, as far as we’re concerned, the only network worth mentioning by name is C-SPAN2. They probably still want us, right? (Seriously, call us, C-SPAN2. We’re cheap and easy.)
Okay, so if you’re paying attention to the title of this post, you could probably tell that the above was the retraction of our apology. Now for the challenge: You’ve probably seen before the “Caption This Picture” cop-out posts that lazy bloggers use to fill space when they have nothing to write. Well, we’re going to one-up them by not even putting in the effort to find a funny picture. No, Gentle Reader, today we are proud to introduce to IPB the “Picture This Caption” contest. We will provide the caption, and we call on you, in all your creativity and willingness to expend more effort than we have, to send us a photo, picture, drawing, graphic, or what-have-you that you think fits.
The caption is:
“If the -ookies had only known that this was what had happened, they never would have been so hard on Versus.”
The winning submission will be celebrated in this space, and there will be an extraordinary prize to celebrate the winning contributor. Seriously, you will be so jealous if you don’t win. If you’d like to participate, please send your entry to interchangeablepartsblog [at] gmail [dot] com. The deadline for submissions is high noon on Monday, March 3. Go forth and Picture that Caption, Gentle Reader. The future content of IPB is counting on you.