We’ve suffered through the Rangers/Penguins home-and-home these last two days, and here’s a look at what’s on our minds now.
– Pierre McGuire is consistently the most annoying man in sports broadcasting. At one point during Sunday’s game on NBC there seemed to be some promotion where you could log on to some website after the game and, if you could answer enough questions right about what Pierre said during the broadcast, you would get 20% off on purchases from the NHL store. Or something. We decided we’d rather pay 20% more for our purchases at the NHL store than listen to Pierre. We’re also convinced that Doc’s follow-up to reading the instructions for the contest — “So do your best impersonation of Nipper, the RCA dog, and keep your eyes pricked for your master’s voice!” — was the subtlest dig at Pierre yet. When does he get hit with another out-of-control puck?
– We’ve finally seen Getzi’s “The Cup changes everything” commercial, and we think it’s fantastic. He does such an hilariously wooden job of making sure to EMPHASIZE at least one WORD in every sentence. Pookie suggested after we collected ourselves, post-laughing fit, that Getzi is secretly a student of the Meisner Technique, and he spends his days driving his teammates nuts by saying, “OOPS, my shirt fell off” … “Oops, MY shirt fell off” … “Oops, my SHIRT fell off” …and so on.
– Last year we were quite fond of the spunky Penguins. This year we’ve hated them, despite our efforts to feel otherwise. That said, as soon as Sid is back in their lineup, we like them a lot more. So yeah, we’re fully putting forth that we are completely shallow, but you know what, Gentle Reader? We don’t care. Sometimes it’s nice to be able to say, like Geraldine, that no, we’re not sports fans. We’re man fans. Or, um, little wooden manboy fans.
– We’re fairly certain that when Scott Gomez burned every single bridge he’d built in his entire career to sign for zillions of dollars to be Mr. A-One Super-Duper Star in NYC, he didn’t think the Iso-Cams on NBC’s Game Of The Week would be Sid Crosby and… Sean Avery.
– Daryl Sydor? Surely he died in Vegas!
– Hollweg’s mustache and Jagr’s, um, whatever you call that thing on his chin (is it a chin version of a bikini wax?) would be vaguely acceptable as facial hair if they were combined. As it stands, they’re not sharing the same face, so they’re both atrocities.
– With each progressive commercial break on Versus, we’ve become increasingly convinced that we are not the demographic that the advertisers think we are. We also wonder if Versus never sent us our playoff tracker because they figured the address we’d provided for them was no longer valid because we’d moved into an old-folk’s home. An old-folk’s home with walk-in bathtubs. (Walk-in bathtubs! Will wonders never cease?)
The only way I would be interested in watching or listening to Pierre McGuire would be if he were being eaten by a lion on national television.
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Sign me up, too, Meg! That would be AWESOME!
Meg, that is excellent idea! Come on, NBC! You can do it!
I would actually willingly pay 50% more for goods from the NHL Store to see Pierre getting eaten by a lion.
I would actually willingly pay 50% more for goods from the NHL Store to see Pierre getting eaten by a lion.
Me too! And I totally by things from the NHL store . . . all the time . . . really . . .
Now THAT would be some awesome television! NBC is all worried about their ratings for the game of the week. They should just tell everyone Pierre being eaten by lion will be in the first intermission.
Hollweg’s mustache and Jagr’s, um, whatever you call that thing on his chin (is it a chin version of a bikini wax?)
Jagr’s facial hair is absolutely obscene.
And I totally by things from the NHL store . . . all the time . . . really . . .
Um, yes. Me too. This would be a very lucrative thing for the NHL Store to do. Really. It would.
Jagr’s facial hair is mind-boggling. Every time I see it I’m amazed anew at its sheer vulgarity.
I would buy stuff from the NHL Store to get Pierre eaten by a lion.
Jagr’s facial hair is mind-boggling. Every time I see it I’m amazed anew at its sheer vulgarity.
Why does he want his face to look like a well coiffed vagina? I don’t understand.
Why does he want his face to look like a well coiffed vagina? I don’t understand.
It’s just proof that there’s no one in that dressing room who’s willing to stand up to his teammates and tell them they look like vaginas. Wasn’t that was Drury was supposed to be good for? If he’s not even bringing THAT intangible, what good is he? I figure telling the guy in the stall next to him that he looks like a vagina would be the very least a “Captain Clutch” kind of guy should be doing.
I figure telling the guy in the stall next to him that he looks like a vagina would be the very least a “Captain Clutch” kind of guy should be doing.
Seriously. I think Jason Pominville would tell Jagr he looks like a vagina, and he’d do it for a lot cheaper, plus he’s still young, so presumably Pommerdoodle still has many productive years of telling his teammates they look like a vagina to come.
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Maybe someone should be telling Avery not to pay for tranny hookers as well.
Captain America Little League I’ll tell you if you look like a vagina and tell you if your paid woman is actually a dude Clutch Man
Kate, quit trying to convince yourself that the Sabres are okay without Drury. Pommers might be willing to tell guys they look like vaginas, but he doesn’t do it HALF as well.
Kate, quit trying to convince yourself that the Sabres are okay without Drury.
You’re right. The Sabres all look like vaginas without Drury. But you know what? They looked like vaginas WITH Drury during the playoffs last year too.
Captain America Little League I’ll tell you if you look like a vagina and tell you if your paid woman is actually a dude Clutch Man
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He’s as good as they get.
I think with Avery they need to start small and point out that he looks like Dominique on ANTM with that tan.
But you know what? They looked like vaginas WITH Drury during the playoffs last year too.
They looked like vaginas infected with robot herpes. But the second part was TOTALLY Drury’s fault.
They looked like vaginas infected with robot herpes. But the second part was TOTALLY Drury’s fault.
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You’re giving Avery ideas of trying out some robot paid women/dudes.
They looked like vaginas infected with robot herpes. But the second part was TOTALLY Drury’s fault.
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I kind of forgot about Drury’s robot herpes!
“I think with Avery they need to start small and point out that he looks like Dominique on ANTM with that tan.”
HA HA HA! That is so true.
Never forget, Katebits. NEVER. :P
You guys, I just posted a comment on Sabres Edge. I was doing SO WELL. Someone might have to take the internet away from me during the off-season.
FOR SHAME, HEATHER! SHAME, SHAME, SHAME.
Heather, how many times do we have to tell you?! NO SABRES EDGE!
Schnookie, I’m so sad. No one is ever going to agree with me. Why do I bother? WHYYYYYYYYYY?
And I killed the conversation! I’m sorry!
(Actually considering the conversation, I might not be sorry :P)
Someone might have to take the internet away from me during the off-season.
Heather, I need someone to make a pact with me to stay away from Stars message boards and the like. We can make it a cross-team pact if you’d like.
::cries:: ALL THESE PEOPLE DO IS UPSET ME!
No one is ever going to agree with me. Why do I bother? WHYYYYYYYYYY?
Well, some people are just drawn to the challenge of the impossible.
Heather, I think the first step might be admitting that the internet does more than any invention since guns to bring out the stupid in people and those people are not worth paying attention to. I . . . uh . . . don’t do this so well myself.
Message boards never brought anyone anything but pain, misery and torment.
My mood is buoyed slightly by the fact that my blog got a hit from Russia! AH, Motherland.
Heather, I need someone to make a pact with me to stay away from Stars message boards and the like. We can make it a cross-team pact if you’d like.
Caitlin, I need an email every half hour reminding me to stay away.
Dammit, Bucky! He sucked me in by writing an entry that started out all un-Bucky like!
Heather, I think the first step might be admitting that the internet does more than any invention since guns to bring out the stupid in people and those people are not worth paying attention to.
I know, but I’m SO SMART! I just want to explain it all to all the stupid people in the world.
Dammit, Bucky! He sucked me in by writing an entry that started out all un-Bucky like!
Just to be clear, Bucky hardly ever writes on the blog and the name of the person writing is at the bottom of the entry. If I’d known going in that it was him, I wouldn’t have bothered reading it.
Heather, you’re better than the stupid people! They don’t deserve your reasonable thinking! They also probably don’t know how to read. Those message boards have special translation devices that transform the random keystrokes of a hundred monkeys at typewriters into sentences like, “The Sabres need Drury back for his intangibles and leadership.”
Caitlin, I need an email every half hour reminding me to stay away.
I’ll be your message board Sven: “Remember, small one, bundle up and stay away from Sabres Edge! STAY AWAY!”
Pookie, :^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
And I`m listening to sports radio right now. HA!
“The Sabres need Drury back for his intangibles and leadership.”
That’s actually pretty reasonable. That would NEVER show up on Sabres Edge :-D Think more along the lines of “Ownership has destroyed a Stanley Cup team! If only Jay McKee was still here!!!” (McKee has played 80 something games over the past two years, the Sabres are inconsistent but young and talented, and the “Stanley Cup team” won, count ‘em up! zero Stanley Cups.)
I’ll be your message board Sven: “Remember, small one, bundle up and stay away from Sabres Edge! STAY AWAY!”
:^:::::::::::::: Yay! :-D
alix, I only listen to our sports radio from the audio vault on the station website so I can carefully pick and choose what I listen to.
Heather, I just read that blog post (I totally blame you) and oh my God Bucky is the stupidest man alive. “3rd line center” or no, Roy had put up too many points and played too key a roll for his goddamn contract suggestion. He would have sat out before he signed anything so asinine.
“alix, I only listen to our sports radio from the audio vault on the station website so I can carefully pick and choose what I listen to.“
Yeah I just mostly tune in for the player/GM interviews. But sometimes I listen to the callers because they`re so damn insane, it`s kind of funny.
OK, everyone promise not to visit any message boards for the next 24 hours!
I meant to go to bed literally an hour ago. Stupid TCM sucking me in with bizarrely fascinating movies! Good night, everyone!
I’m absolutely beat. I was up BEFORE THE SUN today, then put in an extra-long day at work (I didn’t leave very early), then I went grocery shopping, then I made a fairly involved dinner, and then I watched that miserable excuse for a hockey game. I’m drained. I have nothing left. I’m going to go drag my weary, empty carcass off to bed now. See you tomorrow!
OK, everyone promise not to visit any message boards for the next 24 hours!
I promise not to visit any message board except for certain parts of HFBoards which do not enrage me. And to avoid all things Bucky.
Good night, Pookie!
Night Ookies!
Heather, I just read that blog post (I totally blame you) and oh my God Bucky is the stupidest man alive.
I’m sorry, it’s totally my fault. He sucked me in by pretending like he was going to admit he was wrong about something. (I should have known better!)
And yes, he’s not smart.
Eek, and goodnight, Schnookie!
Now THAT would be some awesome television! NBC is all worried about their ratings for the game of the week. They should just tell everyone Pierre being eaten by lion will be in the first intermission
I would give ANYTHING to see that happen.
I think it’s good to be a man fan once in a while. It helps me justify my squees on the dark side.
I happen to be a fan of Pierre McGuire and his Bergen Catholic High School education.
Marty is doing his own NHL Playoff ad, similar to Getzi’s. His will be on “preparation”.
Also, NBC’s going to stick with the NHL as long as the players are involved in the Olympics.
It’s Scott Stevens’ birthday! Happy birthday Scotty!
Getzi is secretly a student of the Meisner Technique, and he spends his days driving his teammates nuts by saying, “OOPS, my shirt fell off” … “Oops, MY shirt fell off” … “Oops, my SHIRT fell off” …and so on.
I can totally see that happening.
When does he get hit with another out-of-control puck?
RJ and Roby have started keeping track of how many pucks Rob Ray has gotten hit with this year.
Why do I have a feeling its going to be a fun day in the blogosphere? And I’m not saying that just because I fell for one April Fool’s joke already today.
Happy birthday, Scotty!!! (Thanks for pointing that out, Jersey!)
Also, NBC’s going to stick with the NHL as long as the players are involved in the Olympics.
I don’t have any real beef with NBC but I cannot wait until the NHL is no longer involved with the Olympics! I like being able to watch the Winter Olympics without missing hockey games, but wowza do I hate having the NHL season destroyed by the Olympics.
Why do I have a feeling its going to be a fun day in the blogosphere?
I hope so! It’s only 9:20 and I’m already dragging. I need a fun day to perk me up! Was it at least a good April’s Fools joke that you fell for, Amy?
I hate having the NHL season destroyed by the Olympics.
I don’t mind it too much, since you get to see some normally stoic guys act like kids in a candy store over getting to put on their country’s sweater and play for gold.
Was it at least a good April’s Fools joke that you fell for, Amy?
It was. The Goose’s Roost had a column reporting that there were rumors out there saying that Pommers was going to sign an extension for 8 years, $52 mil with an NTC and permanent captaincy. I fell for it hook, line and sinker.
I don’t mind it too much, since you get to see some normally stoic guys act like kids in a candy store over getting to put on their country’s sweater and play for gold.
I don’t really mind it either.
That’s so funny about what Goose’s Roost posted! Sorry they got your hopes up, Amy!
I don’t mind it too much, since you get to see some normally stoic guys act like kids in a candy store over getting to put on their country’s sweater and play for gold.
Yeah, that’s all well and good, but half of the season gets turned into a hype machine about who’s going to be playing for what team and who isn’t. Half of the regular season gets spiritually shoved aside for a two-week tournament that isn’t supposed to be about professional athletes. Also, the season gets weirdly paced. I’m only going to get to see so many seasons of hockey in my lifetime, I want those seasons to be about the NHL, not about a handful of skilled players netting some extra bucks for advertizers by playing in a competition that has no bearing (other than tiring them out with more of that travel they all complain so mightily about) on the NHL season. Now, the World Cup I like. A nice off-season tournament is fabulous. But during the hockey season? No thank you!
On a totally unrelated note, if you’re bored today you should read the comments from Pensblog’s post last night. Some weirdo Rangers fan posted a zillion comments comparing the Pens’ GAA and the Rangers’. Um, buddy, you do realize that doesn’t really look good when their team has clinched and yours hasn’t, right?
OK, I’m off to teach a computer class while attempting to not be freaking out about tonight’s Devils game.
Good morning, everyone! And happy April Fools Day! I, um, am not good at the “prankster” thing, so I’ll leave it to the pros today. That’s hilarious about Goose’s Roost!
On a totally unrelated note, if you’re bored today you should read the comments from Pensblog’s post last night.
I barely made it to comment 50 out of what? 280 comments? I gave up pretty quick.
I don’t think I could handle an April Fool’s prank today.
I’m not very good with the April Fool’s thing in general, so I’m kind of with you on that, Caitlin. Although I’m never in a place to handle pranks. I think I’m too much of a grump for April Fool’s. :P
I think I’m too much of a grump for April Fool’s. :P
Yeah, I’m too cranky to be down with April Fool’s jokes today, especially considering the mood around my office is pretty somber — we’re all going to a funeral this afternoon, so I don’t think anyone’s going to pranking anyone this afternoon. :D
Goose’s Roost totally got me and I have to say, I was massively disappointed when I found it was a joke. The NTC and guaranteed captaincy sounded far-fetched when I read it but I thought maybe the Sabres had decided to make an exception for little Pommerdoodle.
we’re all going to a funeral this afternoon, so I don’t think anyone’s going to pranking anyone this afternoon. :D
I’m so sorry! (And yeah, that’ll definitely put a damper on the spirit of the day.)
The NTC and guaranteed captaincy sounded far-fetched when I read it but I thought maybe the Sabres had decided to make an exception for little Pommerdoodle.
You need to be careful with those things. We did that not too long ago with a guy (the captaincy wasn’t guaranteed, but it was implicitly included in the contract), and he turned out to be Patty Elias. :P
I’m so sorry! (And yeah, that’ll definitely put a damper on the spirit of the day.)
Ah, it’s quite alright! It’s just not very April Fools-y around here today, you know. ;)
Also, I’m so thrilled about the fact that the Stars are playing Coach Gretzky’s team on Thursday. As in, “This smug jerkface again?”
I don’t even know who the Devils are playing tonight. The Islanders? That kind of makes sense. SIGH. This has been the worst hockey season EVER.
We did that not too long ago with a guy (the captaincy wasn’t guaranteed, but it was implicitly included in the contract), and he turned out to be Patty Elias. :P
Yeah, it would very unlike Darcy to guarantee (directly or implicitly) a C so I was wary. And he’s not a huge fan of NTC. But I evidently want Pommers to be extended long-term enough that I was willing to overlook those things.
But I evidently want Pommers to be extended long-term enough that I was willing to overlook those things.
It’s a good way to judge how much your sway your heart has over your brain with a guy — when you hear that there’s a NTC (something you ostensibly frown upon), and you’re like, “WOOOOOOO!!!” :D
On an unrelated aside, it was 60 degrees out and rainy when I left the house for work this morning. And you know what thought immediately popped into my head? “Hey! We’re having April showers today!” Hee! I love April.
It’s a good way to judge how much your sway your heart has over your brain with a guy — when you hear that there’s a NTC (something you ostensibly frown upon), and you’re like, “WOOOOOOO!!!” :D
It’s remarkable because – as Mark refuses to let me forget – I was very down on Pommers during the playoffs last season. Now I don’t want him to go away.
Hey, Pommers giveth and Pommers taketh away. You can’t expect to NEVER be down on a guy. :P
You can’t expect to NEVER be down on a guy. :P
True. But this was ranting and raving, “He can’t live off that playoff shortie forever!” down. It was a little over the top. Poor Pommers. I probably hurt his feelings.
(I’m taking credit for spurring him on to such a good season.)
Goose’s Roost totally got me and I have to say, I was massively disappointed when I found it was a joke.
I was thoroughly relieved myself. I don’t want Pominville to go anywhere either, but I want him on a contract that pays less than 6.5 million per year given that he’s a restricted free agent who has never been a point per game player and/or without a no trade clause. I think the contract Regier ends up negotiating will be better for the Sabres than that one.
True. But this was ranting and raving, “He can’t live off that playoff shortie forever!” down. It was a little over the top.
Sometimes that’s the kick in the butt a guy needs! You should have seen me in early April 2000. I was all, “Scott Stevens needs to be stripped of his C. What has he done since ’95? Miss the playoffs, lose to the Rangers, first-round upset, first-round upset. And now a late-season swoon that cost his coach his job! He’s a TERRIBLE captain!” Heh. And look how that turned out!
Yeah, 6.5 is a bit of an ouch contract. I uh… didn’t actually do the math to figure that out :P
So Schnookie, what you’re saying is, the Sabres are about to win the Stanley Cup? This is what you’re saying, right?
So Schnookie, what you’re saying is, the Sabres are about to win the Stanley Cup? This is what you’re saying, right?
That is EXACTLY what I’m saying. And that I think I should take more personal credit for the 2000 Devils Cup. (It used to be that the Devils won Cups whenever we moved mid-season. But, alas, the last couple of moves did not yield Cups, so I guess we weren’t the impetus behind those championships.)
I uh… didn’t actually do the math to figure that out :P
Yeah, me neither. Math is hard, yo.
The Sabres are about to win the Stanley Cup?
If – based on the patterns that have happened around the league – players heading into a contract year perform at their best, the Sabres should have a damn good chance next year. Pommers, Timmy, Max, Kotalik, Spacek, Crunchy and Staffy are all heading into contract years
I can’t decide if Crunchy in a contract year means he’ll have a 0.05 GAA or if he’ll get so deep inside his own head that he’ll be demoted back to the AHL backup again. Poor crazy Crunchy.
Pommers, Timmy, Max, Kotalik, Spacek, Crunchy and Staffy are all heading into contract years
I would love to see contract years from some of those guys especially.
If – based on the patterns that have happened around the league – players heading into a contract year perform at their best, the Sabres should have a damn good chance next year.
Let’s all cross our fingers and hope they have Briere-esque contract years instead of Kalinin-esque contract years.
“I would love to see contract years from some of those guys especially.”
Because it means we would win the cup, right Heather? Right?!? Please.
Good morning IPB! Happy April Fools! (although it sounds as though there’s not a lot of pranksters around this morning)
I can’t decide if Crunchy in a contract year means he’ll have a 0.05 GAA or if he’ll get so deep inside his own head that he’ll be demoted back to the AHL backup again. Poor crazy Crunchy.
It really could go either way.
Poor crazy Crunchy.
Remember, this is the guy who apparently celebrates his birthday all month long. :)
Let’s all cross our fingers and hope they have Briere-esque contract years instead of Kalinin-esque contract years.
And let’s all cross our fingers that they have post-contract year years like, um… well, not like Gionta and Elias. Let’s just put it that way.
Because it means we would win the cup, right Heather? Right?!? Please.
Right!
And for the record, since I was complaining about it last night, I wandered back over to see how my comment at Sabres Edge had been responded to. There are now 32 comments on Bucky’s post and all but two or three are some variation on, “This again? Bucky, you’re an obnoxious blow hard and also stupid.” It cracks me up that even the crazies find Bucky offensive.
(And now I’m never going back there. Never.)
Good morning, andrew!
And yeah, my limits as a prankster are pretty well summed up by that Far Side with the amoeba saying to his friend, “Shirt’s on fire! Now it’s out.” So my contribution to April Fool’s in the hockey blogosphere is to tell you all that your shirts are on fire. :P
Remember, this is the guy who apparently celebrates his birthday all month long. :)
I celebrate mine for an entire long weekend! In fact, looking at the calendar for 2008, I suspect I’ll start celebrating on Friday, Aug 29th and then won’t stop until my actual birthday on September 4th, the following Thursday.
And let’s all cross our fingers that they have post-contract year years like, um… well, not like Gionta and Elias.
True. Except I don’t know how many of them will be around after their contract year given that a few of them will be UFAs. I think Spacek and Kotalik are prime candidates for post-contract year slump. Max is too weird to figure out…he played well the year after his last contract and then has been a complete disaster this year which is neither a contract year nor a post-contract-year year.
So my contribution to April Fool’s in the hockey blogosphere is to tell you all that your shirts are on fire. :P
Or we could write a diary for tonight’s game, Schnookie, wherein we’re entirely positive!
PREGAME: Pookie predicts the game will end 10-0 Devils; Schnookie thinks she’s stupid and says it will end 100-0 Devils! Yay!
We’d then launch into a diatribe about fair weather fans who have the unmitigated gall to ever think critically about their teams.
I think Spacek and Kotalik are prime candidates for post-contract year slump.
I’m so tired of Kotalik. We could just cut him at this point and I wouldn’t blink. I like Spacek but I think you’re right that he seems likely to have a post-contract slump but hopefully a good contract year.
Happy April Fool’s everyone! And Happy Captain Dad’s Birthday too!
my contribution to April Fool’s in the hockey blogosphere is to tell you all that your shirts are on fire. :P
Thanks for letting us know, I wondered why it was so warm all of a sudden.
Remember, this is the guy who apparently celebrates his birthday all month long. :)
I should’ve done that…
Remember, this is the guy who apparently celebrates his birthday all month long. :)
We have friend with an early-August birthday who does her birthday all month, too. It started when she was a kid, and was on summer vacation when her birthday rolled around, so she’d have to wait on celebrating with her friends, and then when she was in college, she’d travel to visit friends over the summer, and they’d all want to do something birthday-y when they saw her. So now August is just a bacchanal of birthday for her. I think that’s pretty cool, actually. Although I imagine Crunchy “celebrates” his birthday by glaring murderously at the cakes people bake for him and grousing about how everyone’s trying to make him fat.
Oops, my shirt’s on FIRE! Oops, my shirt’s ON fire! Oops, my SHIRT’s on fire!
Or we could write a diary for tonight’s game, Schnookie, wherein we’re entirely positive!
And then the Irregulars will wonder whether the real Pookie and Schnookie have been replaced by pod-Ookies.
Oops, my shirt’s on FIRE! Oops, my shirt’s ON fire! Oops, my SHIRT’s on fire!
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If you open with, “Yay, the Islanders! We love them!” I’ll know something is up :P
Happy April Fool’s to you, too, Mags!
Pookie, I think a pranky all-positive game diary is a GREAT idea! I doubt we could sustain it, though. But maybe we should try…
Oops, my shirt’s on FIRE! Oops, my shirt’s ON fire! Oops, my SHIRT’s on fire!
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““This again? Bucky, you’re an obnoxious blow hard and also stupid.” It cracks me up that even the crazies find Bucky offensive.”
That is funny. Stupid Bucky…he drives me up the freaking wall. I wonder if Buffalonians shoot him dirty looks when they see him at the grocery store. I know I would.
“So my contribution to April Fool’s in the hockey blogosphere is to tell you all that your shirts are on fire. :P’
I pulled a small prank on Tracie this morning. She’s a tax accountant and has been working 14 hour days, 7 days a week for the past 2 months. I work for the gov’t, and am always off, (I had yesterday off for Cesar Chavez Day). I e-mailed her from work this morning and told her that the union had bargained us another personal holiday, so I was taking tomorrow off too. She called me ready to curse the day I was born. Totally fell for it.
She has a good sense of humor though, so she had a good laugh when I told her.
“And then the Irregulars will wonder whether the real Pookie and Schnookie have been replaced by pod-Ookies.”
Invasion of the Ookiesnatchers!
I e-mailed her from work this morning and told her that the union had bargained us another personal holiday, so I was taking tomorrow off too. She called me ready to curse the day I was born. Totally fell for it.
HAHAHA!!! That’s a good one, you sneaky thing, you! Waaaay back when we were new hockey fans, Boomer’s favorite player was a certain goalie who played for a certain team I’m ashamed to admit I ever cheered for. So Pookie and I stopped by at her office at work and told her we’d heard on the radio that he’d blown out his groin (again) and was out for the rest of the season and playoffs. She was devastated. We were like, “Wait, no, it’s a joke. Funny. Ha. Ha?” We have not tried April Fool’s jokes since then.
I e-mailed her from work this morning and told her that the union had bargained us another personal holiday, so I was taking tomorrow off too.
You cruel, cruel man. Poor Tracie. Good prank though.
About 10 of my classmates pulled a rather elaborate prank on the lab instructors today, but I’m afraid that if I repeat the details they’ll all be arrested.
“And then the Irregulars will wonder whether the real Pookie and Schnookie have been replaced by pod-Ookies.”
Invasion of the Ookiesnatchers!
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You’ll know we’re pod-ookies when we start talking up Ovie for the Hart.
Oh, hey! While some of the IPB Irregulars who are not necessarily devoted Top Shelf readers (hmph!) are around … Some of us are playing in a playoff fantasy game on NHL.com during the postseason. If anyone is interested, drop me an email and I’ll send you more info.
While some of the IPB Irregulars who are not necessarily devoted Top Shelf readers
Heather, this is a Devils blog. Why would people who read a Devils blog read a Sabers blog? You classless weeyotch!
“While some of the IPB Irregulars who are not necessarily devoted Top Shelf readers (hmph!) are around …”
Shoot! I challenge you to find an Irregular who doesn’t visit Top Shelf daily!
Shoot! I challenge you to find an Irregular who doesn’t visit Top Shelf daily!
Me. I don’t visit, I read it in my bloglines. But erm… I do that to basically every blog but IPB. Mags bad.
I challenge you to find an Irregular who doesn’t visit Top Shelf daily!
I DON’T! Oh, um, hi Heather.
(Just kidding! I totally read Top Shelf daily. I can’t comment because someone insists on using blogger, but that’s her problem, not mine….)
Shoot! I challenge you to find an Irregular who doesn’t visit Top Shelf daily!
Everyone KNOWS Devils and Stars fans don’t read SABRES blogs :P
Heather, this is a Devils blog. Why would people who read a Devils blog read a Sabers blog? You classless weeyotch!
See!
You’ll know we’re pod-ookies when we start talking up Ovie for the Hart.
If I was inclined towards April Fools jokes, that’s totally what we would have written!
(Just kidding! I totally read Top Shelf daily. I can’t comment because someone insists on using blogger, but that’s her problem, not mine….)
Where there’s a will, there’s a way! Right? No?
I tried WordPress! I didn’t like it! I’m used to Blogger! Leave me alone!
Where there’s a will, there’s a way! Right? No?
I’ve tried! But blogger’s security settings make my workplace computer freeze up. I can’t break through! It’s TERRIBLE!
I tried WordPress! I didn’t like it! I’m used to Blogger! Leave me alone!
WEEYOTCH!!!! You’re WRONG!!! :PPPP
I’ve tried! But blogger’s security settings make my workplace computer freeze up. I can’t break through! It’s TERRIBLE!
You do have a computer at home, correct? Or am I mistaken? :-P
You do have a computer at home, correct? Or am I mistaken? :-P
Yeah, but by then the conversation has moved on. :P
Hey, that never stops me from going back to something that was discussed hours ago here. But you know, whatever. Don’t comment. See if I care. I don’t need you on my blog. :::sniff:::
:P
Hey, I spend all day at work being spurned by blogger (and, implicitly, the people who use it), so I can’t help it that I don’t feel welcome at those blogs when I’m home and able to access them. But that’s fine with me. Go ahead and keep using your excluding blog host. That’s fine with me. It’s your loss. :PPP
It’s your loss.
It is! (I think we chased everyone else away.)
andrew, yeah, I would have shot you for that! (Incidentally, I re-viewed House of the Dead and it was worse than I remembered. I couldn’t even find anything funny to say about it.)
I have no April Fool’s contribution to the hockey blogosphere, because I think my team’s been pranking me since March 1st.
(I think we chased everyone else away.)
I think we did. It was all our weeyotchery.
I have no April Fool’s contribution to the hockey blogosphere, because I think my team’s been pranking me since March 1st.
Awww… That’s so sad!
“I have no April Fool’s contribution to the hockey blogosphere, because I think my team’s been pranking me since March 1st.”
That’s not a funny prank though, that’s a tragically comic prank.
“(Incidentally, I re-viewed House of the Dead and it was worse than I remembered. I couldn’t even find anything funny to say about it.)”
I saw that this morning! AWESOME.
(I think we chased everyone else away.)
A little. I was making dinner (read: sticking pizza in the oven. I’m such a bad psuedo-anorexic)
I have no April Fool’s contribution to the hockey blogosphere, because I think my team’s been pranking me since March 1st.
You’re breaking my heart. Seriously, you are.
I was away buying lunch (read: taking advantage of the Bear Stearns subsidized cafeteria my company has access to while it still exists).
“(read: taking advantage of the Bear Stearns subsidized cafeteria my company has access to while it still exists).”
Where 2007′s $15 lunch will only cost you $1.17 today!
Where 2007’s $15 lunch will only cost you $1.17 today!
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Where 2007’s $15 lunch will only cost you $1.17 today!
:^::::::::::::::
I’m here, just fighting the demons that exist in Microsoft Excel.
Good one, andrew!
Can I tell you how much I wish my workplace had a soda vending machine? I would kill for a Diet Coke right now but it’s not worth walking 3 blocks and paying $2.00 for a bottle of coke from the pizza place. My life is so hard.
Mmmmm… Diet Coke. I have to walk past my breakroom later. I think I should see if there’s any soda in the machine. (There normally isn’t.)
Hmmmm, Diet coke. I had some of that last week and got so hyperactive, I’m actually glad I gave it up. It was ugly.
Speaking of April Fools….for some reason, I just remembered an incredibly hilarious/mean prank that a friend of mine pulled in high school. He and his gielfriend got both of their parents together and sat them all down for a talk. They proceeded to tell them that she had gotten pregnant and because of it, they were getting married. This is when we were like, 17. I guess all of the parents involved almost had simultaneous heart attacks.
I don’t think I could have pulled that off with a straight face.
Wow, andrew, that is an amazingly hilarious and mean prank! That’s really impressive that they pulled it off — I’m with you, that I totally wouldn’t be able to keep myself from cracking up.
andrew, that’s extraordinary! What did the parents do when they found out it was a joke?
“What did the parents do when they found out it was a joke?”
They were fine, after the fact. Ritchie (my friend) said that they wouldn’t have done it if the parents didn’t have very good senses of humor. Thank god.
Where 2007’s $15 lunch will only cost you $1.17 today!
:^:::::::::
And that pregnancy joke is awesome. I probably wouldn’t have gotten through the first sentence without laughing. Of course my parents wouldn’t have believed me so I also probably wouldn’t have gotten through the first sentence without them laughing.
I would’ve had to abandon that particular April Fool’s when my mom burst into tears, I think.
Everyone KNOWS Devils and Stars fans don’t read SABRES blogs :P
This Stars fan reads Top Shelf! I was thinking about signing up for your fantasy playoff hockey thingy but I didn’t know if you wanted a Stars fan interloper :D.
Caitlin, Patty already ruined the non-Stars fan aspect so we may as well let all the riff-raff in at this point :P
Caitlin, Patty already ruined the non-Stars fan aspect so we may as well let all the riff-raff in at this point :P
And this Devils fan is going to win it all!
Caitlin, Patty already ruined the non-Stars fan aspect so we may as well let all the riff-raff in at this point :P
And this Devils fan is going to win it all!
This Devils fan didn’t realize there was going to be riff-raff involved. Is it too late to unenroll? :P
And this Devils fan is going to win it all!
Speaking of riff-raff… :P
“And this Devils fan is going to win it all!”
And you may have a chance, as I will not be signing up. If I joined and won, we might have a mutiny on our hands!
Just kidding, the only reason I don’t plan on playing is because I need undivided focus for the playoffs. I can not be cheering for a Red Wing or a Duck, no matter what!
Just kidding, the only reason I don’t plan on playing is because I need undivided focus for the playoffs. I can not be cheering for a Red Wing or a Duck, no matter what!
andrew, that is a totally valid excuse! Those of us who have no team in the playoffs need something else to cling to.
I would’ve had to abandon that particular April Fool’s when my mom burst into tears, I think.
Same here.
“Those of us who have no team in the playoffs need something else to cling to.”
Well, if you had planned on running an IPB-style league, with only one conference per participant, I could swing an EC team. Stinkin’ Sabres.
But other than that, I just couldn’t do it.
I’m fully anticipating needing something to cheer for after the Devils are obliterated in 3 games before ceeding the first round to the Rangers.
Oh, yeah, andrew, I also forgot to mention, you’ll get your Bloodsport review, don’t worry! :D
…Just don’t expect me to review Swingers anytime soon. :p
Dude, NHL.com is totally blowing right now. Why, why won’t you let me in, NHL.com?! Either that, or I’m challenged at this. I think at this point it’s a 50/50 split.
“I’m fully anticipating needing something to cheer for after the Devils are obliterated in 3 games before ceeding the first round to the Rangers.”
Dude, if you guys meet up with the Rangers in the first round….yikes.
I guess you can always root for a Sabres/Senators style upset! (05/06 version, not 06/07. Definitely not 06/07)
I’m fully anticipating needing something to cheer for after the Devils are obliterated in 3 games before ceeding the first round to the Rangers.
Oh, -Ookies, I am so sorry.
If it makes you feel better, the Stars will probably suck harder some more and then be matched up with the Red Wings for the first round.
“…Just don’t expect me to review Swingers anytime soon. :p”
Who’s the big winner tonight? Mikey’s the big winner!
Caitlin, just a heads up — NHL.com will show your real name to the entire pool if you enter it while signing up. So if you care about your anonymity, enter a fake name (like, oh say, Pookie McPookerson).
Pookie McPookerson
That’s not your real name?!
(And thanks for mentioning that, Pookie. NHL.com kinda blows really.)
Well, since my real name is Schnookie McShnookerson, and we’re sisters, it follows that Pookie’s real name is actually Pookie McSchnookerson.
I assumed you just had different Ookerson fathers. Maybe Boomer just has a type, you know? :P
I assumed you just had different Ookerson fathers. Maybe Boomer just has a type, you know?
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
There are four kids in the -ookerson family here, and we all look really different. Maybe you’re onto something with that… :P
Caitlin, just a heads up — NHL.com will show your real name to the entire pool if you enter it while signing up.
And even if you change your name to something else in the settings does it take away your real name and replace it with the edited name? No it does not. Way to disclose things, NHL.com.
And thanks for mentioning that, Pookie. NHL.com kinda blows really.)
It keeps asking me to sign up with a user name even though it says “hockeycoma — log out” at the top of my screen! Madness, I tell you!
,i>And even if you change your name to something else in the settings does it take away your real name and replace it with the edited name?
I actually got it to change by removing myself from the Top Shelf group, logging out, logging back in, changing the name and then rejoining the Top Shelf group.
I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Yahoo doesn’t have playoff game! Next season I’ll just compile everything by hand! I’m sorry!
But seriously, how is NHL.com consistently the worst hockey related site?
“I actually got it to change by removing myself from the Top Shelf group, logging out, logging back in, changing the name and then rejoining the Top Shelf group.”
It’s a good thing they make it so easy.
I think I would have been whacking the computer with a rock, or bone, or perhaps a crudely fashioned hammer by now.
But seriously, how is NHL.com consistently the worst hockey related site?
This is perhaps the least surprising thing I’ll hear all day. :P
I think I would have been whacking the computer with a rock, or bone, or perhaps a crudely fashioned hammer by now.
Seriously! What we need when Heather does this analog playoff fantasy league next year is for her to write it on slabs of stone with Patty’s burnt stick.
I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Yahoo doesn’t have playoff game! Next season I’ll just compile everything by hand! I’m sorry!
Heather, it’s okay! It’s not your fault! It mystifies me as to why the NHL’s website sucks so hard.
:)
Oh yeah, Heather, here’s your moment of Sven: STAY AWAY FROM MESSAGE BOARDS!
It’s a good thing they make it so easy.
Yup! (It actually took two seconds. I was just so weirded out that they asked me for a screen name and then displayed my screen name and my real name. WTF?)
Oh yeah, Heather, here’s your moment of Sven: STAY AWAY FROM MESSAGE BOARDS!
:-D Thanks, Sven!
I actually got it to change by removing myself from the Top Shelf group, logging out, logging back in, changing the name and then rejoining the Top Shelf group.
Did that. No luck. I’ll just have to hope that no one in the Top Shelf Challenge is a serial killer. Or that if they are at least I know their real name too.
It’s totally not your fault, Heather.
Alright , see you guys later!
Bye, Caitlin!
See ya Caitlin.
So! Sharks and Kings tonight…should be a good one, eh?
I know everyone is blinded with grief and rage lately, and the Sabres certainly kicked me in the balls this year, but the Sharks….holy crap. Did they not get the memo? They’re beating everyone right now. Can’t wait until Cheechoo gets back into the lineup.
Oh, whatever, Mr. My-Team-Hasn’t-Lost-in-Regulation-in-Nearly-20-Games. :p
Did they not get the memo? They’re beating everyone right now.
First-round-choke-job. Clap-clap-clapclapclap.
First-round-choke-job. Clap-clap-clapclapclap.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
There’s nothing quite as galling, as a fan, than looking back on that monster run in March and wondering, “Couldn’t you guys have saved it for May/June?” :P
“Oh, whatever, Mr. My-Team-Hasn’t-Lost-in-Regulation-in-Nearly-20-Games. :p”
hehe, sorry. Certainly makes the Sabres’ collapse easier to take.
I recently realized just how spoiled I’ve been over the past two seasons, having two very, very talented teams.
“First-round-choke-job. Clap-clap-clapclapclap.”
Looking for that draft pick!
“There’s nothing quite as galling, as a fan, than looking back on that monster run in March and wondering, “Couldn’t you guys have saved it for May/June?” :P”
That’s EXACTLY what I’m worried about.
hehe, sorry.
No you’re not. It’s OK though. I’m glad you’re having fun with one of your hockey teams even if I am wishing that first round choke job on them.
That’s EXACTLY what I’m worried about.
It really does suck, doesn’t it? That fear that you’re peaking at the wrong time? I don’t bring this up to be assy, either. It’s so funny to look at the all-time longest winning streaks, and none of those teams won the Cup. The ’92-’93 Pens with their 17-gamer didn’t. I know the Devils had something like an 11-game winning streak in March of 2001. I was POSITIVE during that streak that we were winning the Cup. POSITIVE. And now I’m like, “I’d happily trade one of those wins for a win in G6 of the SCF.”
“I’m glad you’re having fun with one of your hockey teams even if I am wishing that first round choke job on them.”
Well thanks, Meg. I think…
“The ‘92-’93 Pens with their 17-gamer didn’t.”
And that winning streak concluded with the last game of the season! You can’t get much hotter going into the playoffs.
“I know the Devils had something like an 11-game winning streak in March of 2001.”
What about 2006? The Devils came out blasting and clinched the Atlantic with a crazy win streak didn’t they? I know they won their last 10, at the very minimum.
Well thanks, Meg. I think…
You’re welcome, Andrew. If the Sabres didn’t have that 1st round draft pick I’d be way more positive on the Sharks, I swear.
The Devils came out blasting and clinched the Atlantic with a crazy win streak didn’t they? I know they won their last 10, at the very minimum.
Didn’t they also sweep the Rangers? Good times, good times.
What about 2006? The Devils came out blasting and clinched the Atlantic with a crazy win streak didn’t they? I know they won their last 10, at the very minimum.
Yeah, they had a nice long win-streak to end the season, and then swept the Rangers in the first round… and then they were all happy with that and went home. :P
It’s Brian Campbell’s fault! I’ve gone from wanting the Sharks to win it all to wanting them to lose in three games in the first round! And it’s all Brian Campbell’s fault! I hope he’s directly responsible for the series clinching goal!
I do hope that, at the very least, Joe gets the playoff monkey off his back and plays well though.
“You’re welcome, Andrew. If the Sabres didn’t have that 1st round draft pick I’d be way more positive on the Sharks, I swear.”
It’s cool. While I would really, really like to see the Sharks win it all this year, at least I can be comforted in knowing that if they shit the bed, the Sabres will reap the benefits.
“… and then they were all happy with that and went home. :P”
HA!
It’s Brian Campbell’s fault! I’ve gone from wanting the Sharks to win it all to wanting them to lose in three games in the first round!
Heh. Much in the same way most of us would want the Rangers and/or Flyers to lose in a sweep in the first round.
“I do hope that, at the very least, Joe gets the playoff monkey off his back and plays well though.”
He had a pretty good couple of playoff rounds last year. Point-per-game production and a positive +/-
In fact, he’s been at or near a PPG playoff performer since coming to the Sharks. Must have shaken off the Bad Boston Mojo.
Exactly, Amy. Years down the line those guys can win a Cup if they must. This season I don’t think I could take it if Drury, Briere, or Campbell win Cups. Buffalo might implode.
andrew, the Sharks are my 1b team in the WC, if that helps! The Stars being the Devils of the West edge out the Sharks only because of Soupy. But I’d be happy, if the Devils can’t win it, to see the Sharks win it all.
But I’d be happy, if the Devils can’t win it, to see the Sharks win it all.
Hmph.
Maybe you didn’t see me here, Pookie! :P
“andrew, the Sharks are my 1b team in the WC, if that helps!”
Word. Thanks Pookie.
All this anti-Soupy sentiment is crazy! I’m torn between my disgust at the way he handled the UFA situation in Buffalo and the fact that he basically hopped a plane to play for my other favorite team. It’s like I never lost him, or Bernier.
Or Grier, or Brown for that matter.
andrew, you can still cheer for Soupy, I understand! I’m just tired of hearing about how well he’s playing and how if he were still here we would’ve won three Stanley Cups already this year. And it kills me that he’s being lumped in with Drury and Briere. Really it all has very little do with my personal feelings for Soupy and everything to do with my desire to not have to hear about him winning a Cup somewhere else all summer.
I’m torn between my disgust at the way he handled the UFA situation in Buffalo
You mean the way he couldn’t play and negotiate a contract at the same time, turning into a ball of goo in the locker room and on the ice?
I’d like to see Anaheim in the West, but there’s a catch. Baby Crunchy must be on the Ducks playoff roster. I’d like for a certain older brother’s head to explode.
That’s not mean, is it?
I don’t know who I want in the West. Preferably a team that doesn’t feature former Sabres because I just don’t want to hear it. Other than that, I might be mostly indifferent.
Mark has picked up Minnesota for some reason. I don’t think he’s ever seen them actually play a game but he keeps talking about wanting them to win. He’s very into wanting teams that have never won before to win though so I think that’s part of it.
Amy, don’t do it! Don’t cheer for the Ducks! I’d rather you cheer for the Wings, that’s how badly I don’t want anybody cheering for the Ducks. :D
“You mean the way he couldn’t play and negotiate a contract at the same time, turning into a ball of goo in the locker room and on the ice?”
Yeah, that’d be the one.
“I’m just tired of hearing about how well he’s playing and how if he were still here we would’ve won three Stanley Cups already this year.”
I hear ya. Poor Buffalonians. What you guys need (deserve) is a new sports writing staff. TBN just fuels the mania.
What you guys need (deserve) is a new sports writing staff.
Me, Kate, and Amy? And Meg can write a “Stats are Sexy!” column that features hot stats like Roy-Z and Pommers only being outscored in the second half by Ovechkin and Malkin.
I’m pulling for Dallas in the west, but I’m not sure how that is going to pan out. Not giving up on them though.
As for the Devils, whatever happens, I’ll probably live. (bar getting swept by the Rangers. You can pick the pieces of me off the train tracks if that happens)
What you guys need (deserve) is a new sports writing staff.
Fuck yeah.
“I’d rather you cheer for the Wings, that’s how badly I don’t want anybody cheering for the Ducks.”
Patty’s right, Amy. Cheering for the Ducks is like cheering for Cobra Kai. Remember that blonde kid from the end of Karate Kid? Yeah, he’s Pronger. You wouldn’t want to cheer for them, would you Amy?
Remember that blonde kid from the end of Karate Kid?
The legendary William Zabka!
Chris Pronger is totally the guy sweeping the legs of the NHL.
Me, Kate, and Amy? And Meg can write a “Stats are Sexy!” column that features hot stats like Roy-Z and Pommers only being outscored in the second half by Ovechkin and Malkin.
I’ve seen that Pommer and Roy stat a few times, and it still amazes me.
I am IN LOVE with that Pommer and Roy stat. That stat is where “statbits” and tra-la-la feelingsbits” collide.
I’ve seen that Pommer and Roy stat a few times, and it still amazes me.
It’s an awesome stat. Every time I see it I’m all, “So who the hell was scoring for the Sabres in the first half?” And then I remember, “oh right, no one, that’s who.”
I am IN LOVE with that Pommer and Roy stat.
It is an AWESOME stat.
And then I remember, “oh right, no one, that’s who.”
Well, according to one of Bucci’s mailbag readers, apparently Soupy was. With him, our “best player leaving, the team just went to hell in a handcart.
Well, according to one of Bucci’s mailbag readers, apparently Soupy was. With him, our “best player leaving, the team just went to hell in a handcart.
See! This is why the Sharks cannot win the Stanley Cup!
See! This is why the Sharks cannot win the Stanley Cup!
As a preparation for the worst-case scenario, Heather, maybe you can consider that if the Sharks win the Cup, Soupy will get all the credit and his price is going to go up to a $200 million/10-year contract. And that’s hilarious.
Schnookie, that is hilarious and destined to blow up in the face of whomever signs him. But I’d STILL have to listen to, “Well, at least he won a Stanley Cup first.” It helps though… Thank you.
Time for me to head home. Catch y’all later for tonight’s epic games.
I’m off as well! Time to go home and take the straw off the garlic bed in the garden! Woo hooo!
See ya Amy, Schnookie.
Heather, I’m sorry….but the Sharks are destined to win the Cup. (just like the Sabres were last year! Damnit!)
See you guys tonight, Schnookie and Amy! I’m off to bed for a nap.
Patty, I didn’t see you there! Sorry! Implied in that statement was “If the Devils and Stars can’t win it all, I’d like the Sharks too!” If it helps at all, I’m waaaaay on board with wanting the Ducks to lose miserably!
If it helps at all, I’m waaaaay on board with wanting the Ducks to lose miserably!
I guess it helps a little. *sniffle*
:P
I’d just like to say that hockey is making me very upset right now. Seriously, they’re sending Russian to ANOTHER specialist and Mike Heika speculates he’ll miss the first few games of the playoffs even after they thought he was coming back. It’s back to the old “foot & groin” problems.
A thousand times, no. ::sob::
Oh Caitlin, I’m so sorry! That’s terrible!
I’m very upset about Zubie, too, Caitlin! I wonder if his problems are part of the reason they fired Suprenant (the trainer, for the non-Stars-fans).
There have been at least three players that have been apparently misdiagnosed and came back too soon, or were prescribed rest and ended up having to have surgery:
Modano with his hip injury last season; Bouche with his shoulder injury, which he could have had repaired over the summer but was told to try rest; and Zubov with the foot injury, which didn’t heal, and also caused a groin injury when he came back too soon, supposedly.
You know why I love this place? Because it’s probably the only hockey blog in existence that has ever made a Meisner joke. Well played, Ookies.
You know why we love making Meisner jokes around here? Because we know y’all will get it! :D