We’re going Around the Dial again tonight, and Gentle Reader, we don’t think we need to remind you who we’re cheering for. We’ll be dropping in with our thoughts, hopes, and reactions as the game goes along.
– We start the game a little distracted after making the mistake of watching the Bob Costas vs. Deadspin video linked on Pensblog today. The fact that anyone could still be getting hung up on the issue of format over content is so quaint it’s blown our minds.
– We look outside and see that there are flowers blooming, trees turning green, and three bunnies cavorting in a field of clover. We can only assume that Mother Nature, too, celebrates the fact that the Rangers could be swept tonight.
– We applaud Sid for breaking through a clump of Rangers for a dazzling move, but we have to wonder about the two turnovers he made following that play. Sid, do you want those bunnies to have cavorted in vain?
– The bunnies are throw their paws up in disgust and twitch their ears in aggravation as the Rangers go up 1-0 on a goal by Jagr.
– The crowd is chanting “Jagr! Jagr!” As fans who got to chant “Dano! Dano!” in G7 of the SCF in 2003, we’re disgusted that these fans who’ve been calling for Jagr’s head for years are suddenly doing an about-face as they realize Jagr’s the only Ranger giving it his all. We hope Jagr gives them a withering look and then packs his bags for richer pastures overseas, leaving this team with only the “leaders” who are letting themselves get out-led by a petulant, aged superstar.
– Blersus shows replay after replay of Malkin barreling into Lundqvist, but never bother to slow it down. A super-slo-mo, frame-by-frame look would really have helped there. We have the technology to do this, Blersus. Look into it.
– Malkin attempts the rare “Slow-Moving Underwater James Bond Villain’s Robot” penalty shot move and just the way the slow-moving underwater robots never foil Bond, so Malkin doesn’t score.
– If Petr Sykora ever hopes to upgrade himself from “IPB’s Official Archnemesis” to “Guy We Just Really Kind Of Hate”, he’s going to have to work a lot harder than he is tonight.
– Well, if the Penguins had designs on becoming our muscle-bound Vegas tranny bride, they certainly went about it the wrong way in this game. Losers.
– We spend a little palate-cleansing break between games watching Rome burn and then Christians being fed to the lions in Quo Vadis on TCM. One of our favorite things about older movies is the race to shout “That’s real!” whenever an unusually cheesy special effect is used. It’s especially fun with really bad blue screening. For all that the cast-of-thousands sequences we’re sitting down for are surprisingly intense and disturbing, they’re also still peppered with plenty of “That’s real!”s. Good times. Anyway, by the time we remember to turn on the Detroit/Colorado game, it’s already 1-1, less than midway through the first.
– With the first period winding down, the Wings put on a demo showing the Pens how you’re supposed to be playing when you’re trying to step down on your opponent’s jugular. And while the Avs are hardly the Rangers, we still hate them, so the two quick goals in the final two minutes of the period manage to cheer us up a little.
– Look, Hockey Gods, we appreciate that you’re giving us a massive, swaggering blowout of a game to finish off a sweep tonight. But we don’t really care that much about Detroit. We don’t necessarily dislike them, and goodness knows we’d pick them 10,000 times out of 10,000 over the Avs, but really. If it had to be only one of the games tonight, why this one? Don’t you hate the Rangers, too?
– As the clock blinks down to zero on the second period, with the score 7-1 Detroit, Pookie says, “Okay, in the Avs fans’ defense, there are still a lot of people in the building.” Pause. “Ohhh! It’s only the second period. Okay. Detroit should really stop shooting now.”
– Well, disappointment can be exhausting. Our evening peters out with a whimper, as we all drift off to bed before the Wings/Avs game is over. It should be noted that most of the Avs fans have, too, so Pookie can stop thinking they stuck around to the final buzzer of a blowout loss.