Gentle Reader, we owe you an apology. A big, fat, Donut-Marty-sized apology. We’ve been letting IPB go. Since the Devils’ loss we’ve let ourselves be overwhelmed by the overall sucktitude of the teams and storylines left in the playoffs, and we’ve allowed ourselves to wallow in bitter misery, bitter boredom, and bitter depression. Did we mention we’re bitter? We’ve been doing the blog equivalent of sitting in our pajamas all day on the couch, eating ice cream out of the carton and watching made-for-TV movies on Lifetime. We’re in a downward spiral that simply has to stop. For our sakes and for IPB’s.
The good news is that we know what it is we need to do to break this cycle of despair. That’s right, Gentle Reader — we need to strap on our playoff goggles…
… Get liquored up…
… And learn to love these playoffs.
This means as soon as the Rangers are out, we’ll be back in the saddle with game diaries.
This means we’re not ashamed that we’re cheering for the Flyers in the East.
This means we’re nurturing that nascent playoff-goggles crush on Tomas Holmstrom.
This means we’re going to try to figure out what some of the Stars actually look like. (Except Robidas. There ain’t goggles enough in the world for him.)
This means we’re looking for the good stories even in the teams we’ve decided we don’t like, just in case. (Except the Rangers. There ain’t goggles enough in the world for them, either.)
This means we’re not going to respond to the “wrong” teams winning by immediately whining about how much everything sucks. (Unless the Rangers win. That would suck.)
This means we’re going to fight “this sucks” with, “Yeah, well, let’s talk about the ’95, ’00, and ’03 playoffs instead, shall we?”
This means we’ll be mindful that after June there will be no hockey on TV until October and that in the meantime we should be like Native Americans and use all of the proverbial meat, sinew, and skin the Hockey Gods have provided us.
This means we’ll be having fun.*
*We reserve the right to renege on all these promises if the Rangers win. But that was a given anyway.
Yay! Good for you! I love the literal playoff goggles! (I am a BIG fan of goggles in general, and I adore the concept of “playoff” goggles.)
I applaud your resolution (except for the “cheering for the Flyers thing”. Do you mean above the Pens?), and I love this post!
We wouldn’t have actual goggles if you hadn’t inspired them, Katebits!
As for cheering for the Flyers above the Pens, that remains to be seen. I can’t help it — I’m really liking those crazy knuckle-dragging goons in their orange shrugs.
Part of my approach to the post-season now is to “Let Go and Let Goggle”. How I’ll feel about the Flyers vs. Pens is going to depend entirely on what goes down. Right now I doubt that I’d cheer for the Flyers over Sid, but last year I wouldn’t have thought that I’d cheer for the Ducks over anyone. You just never can tell!
Okay, so just as we’re committing anew to enjoying the playoffs, we’re actually leaving the house tonight to engage in honest-to-goodness social activities. We’ll be watching tonight’s game on tivo delay, so if anyone’s around tonight, enjoy an open thread here without us. And go Flyers! :D
*applause many time over* (many, many many). I’m so not with the playoffs this year, but I resolve to be better and make an attempt (no guarantees) to watch every game available to me. Except the Rangers. That said, I’m now going to bed instead of watching the Flyers/Habs game. I’ve had my fill of playoff hockey today (on the glass seats at Bloemendaal/Rotterdam. 0-0, awesome PP goal in 2OT. It was intense) I’ll watch the re-run tomorrow.
And fuck the Flyers. GO HABS!
Have fun at your social thing!
This means we’re not ashamed that we’re cheering for the Flyers in the East.
I’m sure you’re not there anymore but…you should be ashamed. Someday you’re going to have to explain this one to me, seriously.
I agree with Mags – fuck the Flyers, GO HABS GO!!
Part of my approach to the post-season now is to “Let Go and Let Goggle”.
Even after reading the post, I still read that as “Let Go and Let Google.” I was very confused. :)
Go Habs!
Do you have to wear the actual goggles in order for the playoff goggles to kick in? Because maybe that’s my problem.
I hate RJ Umberger.
I hate Scott Hartnell too.
Even my playoff goggles selections are losers. I’m clearly not good at this whole hockey thing.
I’m clearly not good at this whole hockey thing.
Me either, Heather, me either.
Me either, Heather, me either.
Sorry, Meg! Although I am a little glad to not be alone :-D
Poor handsome Carey Price. He looks so sad. Did you get the flash of RJ Umberger without his shirt off? I find it hard to hate him after seeing that. HAHA.
Good choice on Tomas Holstrom, Ookies. While he doesn’t quite do it for me, him and Matty are BFFs. So you know he’s awesome. :D
I don’t know, guys. I know the point of this post is kind of that hockey is what you make of it… but I think it might blow.
Hockey totally blows! I can’t BuhLIEVE the stoopid Flyers beat the Habs. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
I just got back from a concert, so I didn’t watch the game tonight. I have one recommendation if hockey is really getting you down- don’t watch. I’m SO glad I missed this one.
My other recommendation is just latch onto the best available team that you don’t already totally hate. My new playoff team is the Red Wings. (Until they play the Stars of course.)
Kate, I watched about five minutes total of the game – and they were good minutes – and it still sucked. We need to buy a house just so I can get away from the sound of the TV. As it is now, I can hear the TV everywhere. The Flyers are taunting me with their success.
Right now I’m still behind the Stars but if San Jose ties the series up, I might have to break up with them. Seriously, guys. If I wanted to be watching a young, underachieving team (Montreal) I would’ve Tivo’d Sabres games for the off-season.
My heart gets broken over (NJ) and over (Halifax Mooseheads) and over (Montreal) again . Hockey is the cruelest mistress. Damn good thing I am a slut, since I must take on a new lover soon (hmmm Philly or Dallas?).
Well -ookies it may please you to know that Paul Martin was the player of the game for USA’s preliminary game one of the IIHF tournament. Also Zach looks just as pretty in a USA jersey as he does in a Devils Jersey. I showed my love by being the only person in the arena wearing a Devils jersey (and being one of only 3 people cheering USA – we Canadians do not normally get down like that).
Oooh, that sounds fun. I SO wish I could attend IIHF games! I am so jealous!
Heather, I pretty much broke up with Montreal due to their inability to kick the Bruins ass, so I feel fortunate that the only sting I am feeling now is over the Flyers success, rather than the Habs failure. I’m only going to love teams that are playing well from now on. Yeah, it’s shallow, but I don’t care! I figure we’ve still got the Stars, Pens and Red Wings to choose from, hopefully at least ONE of those teams is going to end up in the Finals, so that should get us through without killing ourselves. After the Finals, we can start hoping and dreaming fro the Sabres again! :D
Okay, WHAT is that weird ass design where Hank is supposed to be?
(Never mind. Now it’s gone.)
After catching up on the tivo delay — I gotta say, I picked the right year to stop sniffing glue. Or start liking the Flyers through my playoff goggles. Whichever. And that was an awesome game! Whee! Look at me HAVING FUN! :D
Q-Girl, thanks so much for the update about Paulie and Zach! I’m also jealous that you got to see the game, and so glad you were representing for the Devils! I’m not at all surprised that Paulie was the player of the game — after all, he is a beast. :D PaulieMartinNation is totally rejoicing!!
Paulie was Player Of The Game?! PaulieMartinNation is rejoicing! Thanks for the update, Q-Girl!
As for the Flyers, can I just tell you I’m feeling SO much better for having embraced my Inner Goggle! There was no call for me to be as down in the mouth about Playoffs as I had been, and if I had continued to let myself be that down in the mouth, I was going to have to admit that I would be better off just not watching. And that would just be stupid! Or something. Anyway, there’s still a lot of
Brahmshockey left to be played, but right now, it’s like I’m a whole new hockey fan! And it feels awesome!Good morning, everyone! (Or rather, good morning anyone who’s around!)
Go Stars! Go Pens! It’s a gorgeous day today. The sun in shining, the birds are singing, I’m slowly getting the hang of MarioKart Wii. Life is good! Surely the Hockey Gods don’t want to ruin my good mood today, right?
Good morning (afternoon?) Pookie! It is indeed a gorgeous day today. Amsterdam made the next round of the playoffs, I managed to (by some strange magic) acquire awesome tickets for gm1 next week, and my sister and I just “youse attractive”d each other into laughing fits. Is MarioKart Wii any good?
Sounds fantastic, Mags! And MarioKart Wii is DELIGHTFUL. I’m such a hardcore gamer, that this is the speed I want from a game. Heh.
That’s so great you got tickets, Mags! MarioKart is superfun!
Yeah, I may owe the guy who got me the seats part of my soul now, but I don’t really mind. I get to mercilessly heckle the Bloemendaal bench, and they have the kind of players that can’t resist reacting :D
I’m glad MarioKart is fun. We’re giving it to my mom for her birthday :)
Can they start with the hockey now? I’m kind of bored…
I’m also bored, and got up early this morning, so I’m nodding off. So can they start the hockey and get it over with quickly so I can take a nap?
Is CBC implementing new technology to burn out my retinas? Holy moly, I’ve seen bright TV but this broadcast is ridiculous.
Somehow NBC managed to replace Pierre with someone even skeevier! Less pompous and self-aggrandizing, but more skeevy. Hard to believe!
OK, Pens, I’m ready for an awesome trouncing!
Go Pens Go!
Dude, this game is ostensibly in HD, but it’s all hazy. Did they have fireworks inside the arena? And if they did, whose stupid idea was that? I bet it was Sid. He wanted to firebomb every seat that didn’t have a top hat-wearing Shih Tzu in it.
Laurie Peckarovsky is playing in this game today?
Schnookie, I’m glad I’m not the only one that heard that.
Did they have fireworks inside the arena? And if they did, whose stupid idea was that?
They had those at Rotterdam/Bloemendaal yesterday, and it was all the Bloemigans’ fault. Just because your team wears orange doesn’t mean you get to light orange signal firework stick things. I wanted to kill them.
Laurie Peckarovsky is playing in this game today?
:^::::::::::::
Jordan and Marc Staal are brothers? Surely you jest, Doc.
Jordan and Marc Staal are brothers? Surely you jest, Doc.
Whaaaa???? Why hasn’t this been mentioned before?
No way! Next up they’ll tell me Sid lives in Mario’s basement.
I can’t help but notice that Lauri P. has a great sit-spin.
Any old time the Pens want to crank up the ol’ juggernaut is fine with me.
I love birthday shoutouts mid-play-by-play.
Hm. That period was discouraging. Very discouraging.
Ahhh, Doc and his birthday shout-outs. I love that they never have anything to do with the game at hand, either. We get them in every Devils game!
Words cannot express how glad I am Pierre is MIA.
I can’t decide if this guy has been brought in to make us appreciate Pierre… :P (Who am I kidding? He’s WAY better than Pierre. Although the dynamic between this guy and Milbury is a bit too heavy on the “explosively coarse idiotic blowhard” element. It makes me miss the “effetely smug idiotic blowhard” element that Pierre brings to the table, just to balance out the “explosively coarse”.)
Little Sidney the Penguin is completely adorable!
Dear Hossa,
You are a complete pile of puke.
Love,
Schnookie
Dear Penguins,
I know you are capable of playing better hockey than this. Please stop being so sucky.
Love,
Schnookie
Dear Ryan Malone,
You are a complete pile of puke, too.
Love,
Schnookie
It will be interesting to see if the Rangers respond to Drury bleeding the same way the Sabres did last year.
This game is not really going how I was hoping… I’m trying to be positive about this… So hard… Game sucks… GAH!
It will be interesting to see if the Rangers respond to Drury bleeding the same way the Sabres did last year.
Apparently the Rangers don’t feel as strongly about Drury being hurt in a playoff game as the Sabres did in a late February basically meaningless game.
I hope the ice crew here at the Igloo are going to handle the ice soaked with Drury’s blood appropriately. If they can preserve that correctly in the vaults of the HOF, maybe someday they can clone him.
Bucci’s encasing that ice in amber as we speak.
I enjoyed Brandon Dubinsky coming over to help scrape the ice with this skate.
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
I enjoyed Brandon Dubinsky coming over to help scrape the ice with this skate.
Bucci’s probably like, “No, no! Not the skate! There might be someone else’s DNA on that skate!”
Dubinsky was just doing his part to help preserve the legacy of Captain Clutch.
Though if the HHoF were to clone anyone, I think Captain Clutch would not be in the Top 10 choices.
Though if the HHoF were to clone anyone, I think Captain Clutch would not be in the Top 10 choices.
GAAAAASP! Amy! I’m horrified you would say that! :P
Though if the HHoF were to clone anyone, I think Captain Clutch would not be in the Top 10 choices.
What?!?! It’d be him, Cam Janssen, and Jocelyn Thibault, top 3, easily.
I, uh, guess that 2-minute power play shift by Malkin didn’t adversely affect him here on his next even-strength shift. Heh.
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hahahahahahahahahha.
“let’s see if al that ice time ont he power play affects Malkin. GOOOOOOOAAL!”
WOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
That was BEAUTIFUL!
WHAT IN THE HELL IS MILBURY GOING ON ABOUT? Is he the very last person left claiming Europeans don’t show emotion?
Haha Jagr is so easily shaken by Ruutu.
What?!?! It’d be him, Cam Janssen, and Jocelyn Thibault, top 3, easily.
Somehow, the cloning would get screwed up and we’d end up with a clutch human five-hole with fighting tendencies.
And that was a nice backhand by Malkin.
Somehow, the cloning would get screwed up and we’d end up with a clutch human five-hole with fighting tendencies.
Mind you, those would be poor fighting tendencies. :P
Amy, :^::::::::::::::::::::
Poor fighting tendencies that often are nullified by shoulder injuries.
Guys I live for the commercials that play during hockey games, because it just reinforces that I am most definitely not their target demographic
Anne, you’re so right! It always cracks me up that I’m slipping through the cracks as an advertising target.
Schnookie, I’m now convinced I might just have a prostate problem and difficulty with finding a great shave gel for my chin.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAA Jagr totally just made a kissy face at Ruutu
What’s that “KABLOOEY!” sound I’m hearing right now? Yeah, it’s the sound of Rangers fans’ heads exploding all across the NY/NJ/CT tri-state area.
I’ve got to say, with all the falling over Jagr’s doing here today, is Sid going to shout, “Stay on your feet!” at him?
It always cracks me up that I’m slipping through the cracks as an advertising target.
I don’t even think the target audience is the target audience of some of these commercials. Just how many young males are worried about their prostate, anyways?
I’m convinced that women would make a great target audience for commercials during an NHL game.
I’ve got to say, with all the falling over Jagr’s doing here today, is Sid going to shout, “Stay on your feet!” at him?
I’d pay him to do it.
I’m convinced that women would make a great target audience for commercials during an NHL game.
I keep telling Dad that, and he says he keeps telling people that, but they are not very good at interpreting charts or listening. Asses.
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
What the fuck? I get up for intermission and come back to find Laurie Peckarovsky scoring? BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dear Penguins,
WHAT IS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM?
Love,
Schnookie
Not.
Cook.
NOT COOK!
It’s kind of sentimental to watch the team your cheering for blow a 2 goal lead. I call it “Sabres Special”.
THAT DOESN’T MEAN I LIKE IT.
I love how Bob Neumeier (Anti-Pierre) is treating this like it’s totally a favor to somebody.
Whitney and Malone are piles of puke. In case anyone was wondering where I stand on that matter.
Dude, WTH? UNCOOL.
Sid’s a pile of puke, too. THEY ALL ARE.
Fuck this shit! What is wrong with them?!?
Dear Schnookie,
Stop e-mailing us! We’re BUSY!
Love,
The Penguins
I hate this game. It feels like it is gnawing away at my resolve.
Patty, :^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Schnookie’s to blame! She’s been distracting the Pens!
Dear Penguins,
You never complained about my emails WHEN YOU WERE WINNING.
Cordially,
Schnookie
I missed what the last penalty was. I thought it was a trip, but I was distracted and when I came back I saw that it was a double-minor. And was that blood on the ice? Who got cut?
Dear Schookie,
Okay, but just hold up for a second while we win this game.
Thanks ever so,
The Penguins
Malkin is distinctly NOT a pile of puke.
If Malkin wasn’t a pile of puke, this game would be over by now, wouldn’t it? :P
Do the Pens not WANT to win?
Good point Schnookie. I forgot about the rest of the game.
AAAAK! NASN switched over to the D’backs vs someone. Baseball, WTF?
How are they doing?
I don’t think the Pens realize that I want to take a nap this afternoon.
No, wait, let me clarify — I don’t think the Pens realize I want to sleep the sleep of a Devils fan who’s seen the Rangers eliminated today.
I don’t think the Pens realize I want to sleep the sleep of a Devils fan who’s seen the Rangers eliminated today.
So true.
Dear Penguins,
It is Memorial Day here in Holland. Please, win it for them.
Love,
Mags
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Now the Playoffs can be fun again! WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dear Schnookie,
Happy Now?
Regards,
The Penguins
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dear Pens,
Why yes, I am happy now! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you, Penguins, for ending the reign of terror.
Love and kisses,
Schnookie
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYA!
Wtf happened? I got NHL.com up and I saw it was 2-3 :DDDDDD
HAPPINESS!
there is a God and He is good…the only other thing i’ll ask of Him this season is that the stanley cup winner come from the western conference
The Battle of PA for the Eastern Conference title could be fun to watch.
Okay, that wide-angle of the shot of the arena responding to the OT goal was AWESOME.
Ooh, that was a cool shot. They showed the whole arena when the goal was scored.
Amy, I think the next round is going to be veeeeery interesting and fun to watch, indeed!
WOO-HOO! I feel like a weight has been lifted from me! NO MORE RANGERS!!!
there is a God and He is good…the only other thing i’ll ask of Him this season is that the stanley cup winner come from the western conference
Ha! I’m taking it one step at a time here. I feel like an enormous weight has been lifted now that the Rangers are done. I can breathe freely again! This is SO WONDERFUL!!!!
The Battle of PA for the Eastern Conference title could be fun to watch.
The Pens/Flyers games for the last two years have been awesome to behold. It should be a really good series.
Oh, this is EXCELLENT. Amy is right, the battle of PA could be really cool to watch.
I think I’m going to save my sister from drowning herself in the shower… I know she’d do the same for me (actually, no, she didn’t. She laughed at my pain. Bitch)
This really is going to be a fun ECF. I don’t hate either team too much, and I still have a favorite, so it’ll be enjoyable. I don’t like to watch a team I REALLY REALLY hate, even if it’s to see them lose. (I’m talking to you, Ducks.)
I am totally stoked for this ECF, because thanks to my playoff goggles and the way the Rangers have siphoned off every ounce of my available “Atlantic Division Rival” hate, I think I like the Pens and Flyers equally. I can’t wait to see who ends up winning my heart! Or will it be that rarest of rare playoff series where I’m literally happy with either outcome? I don’t know! I’m so excited to find out!
I don’t like to watch a team I REALLY REALLY hate, even if it’s to see them lose. (I’m talking to you, Ducks.)
I know EXACTLY how that feels. *cough*Rangers*cough*
Okay, I gotta go take a nap, sleeping the sleep of a Devils fan who knows the Rangers are out. See you all later for a Stars/Sharks game diary!
The Rangers weight has been lifted from me and now I think I need to celebrate with a nice, decadent Sunday evening nap. Mmmmm napping the nap of a Devils fan who’s just seen the Rangers eliminated!
I don’t like to watch a team I REALLY REALLY hate, even if it’s to see them lose. (I’m talking to you, Ducks.)
I know EXACTLY how that feels. *cough*Rangers*cough*
Dittles.
I’m off to Lala Land. Oh glorious Ranger elimination sleep :) Have a good day, nap well and go Stars!
WOO! The Rangers are out! :)
Side note:
I don’t know how I feel about Zach being # 17 on the USA team. I keep looking at #9 and then being disappointed when it’s not Zach. Same with Paulie, he’s #10.
Paulie’s #10??? That’s a TRAVESTY! (I’d be like, “Denis Pederson? Is that you?”) Zach’s probably terrified that as long as he’s wearing #17 (“I say! This is the number of a henchman!”), Boxworthy won’t know it’s him and won’t do as he’s told.
So I have to say, I just took an epic nap, and it was the sweetest feeling in the world to wake up to a world that’s Ranger-free.
“Paulie’s #10??? That’s a TRAVESTY! (I’d be like, “Denis Pederson? Is that you?”)”
^:) Paulie’s been amazing though, so maybe he needs to change his number on the Devils to #10.
“Zach’s probably terrified that as long as he’s wearing #17 (”I say! This is the number of a henchman!”), Boxworthy won’t know it’s him and won’t do as he’s told”
Maybe that’s how he’s getting time on the PK. The coach doesn’t realize he’s really putting out Zach.
Oh noes!!! It’s that jinxy girl in the pre-game show!
OMG! Now they’re interviewing Roenick! I hate our pre-game show!
Patty, that’s terrible!
In good news, we’re doing a game diary. Acting as town crier, there’s a new post up!
Zach in 17 and Paulie in 10?! What’s the world coming to! Who on Team USA ranks higher than them? There’s no one in my heart who ranks higher and that’s what should matter, right? Right? :D
Yeah, not only are players numbers messed up but the USA players have no name plates on their jerseys. It was a fun game of who the hell is that guy. Thank the Gods I had row A seats and could see faces to be able to figure out who was who as the game progressed.
When I got to the game and saw the boys at the bench I thought “Why did Parise grow a Latendresse on his face?” – then I put my glasses on. #9 was usurped by Patrick O’Sullivan. The numbers were all fucked up. When I realized this, the horror set in.
David Booth (normally #10) had #7.