Sharks vs. Stars, Game 6

Gentle Reader, we promised that as soon as the Rangers were out, we’d start diarizing again. Why did we need the Rangers to vacate the playoff premises before getting back in the saddle again? Because they were the only Atlantic Division team our schedules permitted us to diarize all eight regular-season games, and then had five playoff games to boot. We couldn’t handle it anymore. But sweet merciful Hockey Gods! The Rangers are gone! Thank you, Penguins, for finishing them off in OT today; we spent this evening enjoying a playoff goggle toast to a happy playoff future:

And now that we’re lightly toasted, we’re ready to enjoy the Stars/Sharks game in full diary form. Stay tuned during intermissions as we update.

Ahhh. There’s nothing better than settling in for a night of hockey on Blersus that we know will not feature any talking-up or highlights lauding a team we hate. It’s so freeing! Of course, less freeing is the highlights package setting us up for Game 6 of the Sharks goals from Game 5. The fact that they still haven’t given us an angle that conclusively proves Soupy’s “goal” actually went into the net has us highly doubtful. Pookie puts it best when she says, “I’m going to go to my grave believing that didn’t go in.” (To be fair, we’re fairly confident it did go in, since if it hadn’t, we’d be hearing about it, but really Blersus. Would it kill you to give us the overhead? It’s the principle of the thing.)

The intro with the studio guys goes to commercial with the non-Clement host dude (we have yet to pay enough attention to figure out his name. Something Patrick?) explaining this is the last series standing, “Thanks to what happened this afternoon. Pens/Rangers highlights – Next.” This commercial break can’t end soon enough!

FIRST PERIOD

19:30 Pookie puts a jinx on the game by admitting, “For the last two games I’ve been like, ‘I will be shocked if the Stars don’t win.” As if to drive the point home, we are both shocked when Lehtinen’s point-blank shot is stopped here in the early going.

18:48 Joel Lundqvist, perhaps not feeling freed by the Rangers’ demise, decides to take his anger over his twin’s loss out on the Ice Girls. He ostensibly tries to hit Murray after a lazy pass by Nabokov into the corner, but is actually trying to knock the glass out of the door to the tunnel onto the bared midriffs on the other side. We get a lengthy delay to fix it, during which the TSN guys show incontrovertible proof that Morrow’s disallowed “kicked-in” goal in Game 5 should have counted: he is an atrociously awful soccer player. The video footage of the pregame soccer warmup is hilarious, because there’s no way around it – Morrow might be everyone’s newest playoff boyfriend, but his foot-eye coordination sucks.

17:28 It’s hard to tell what channel we’re watching on, since we’re without Joe Beninati’s incessant reminders that the game is on Blersus, and is exclusive. Come on, TSN guys. Throw us a bone here and say it just once or twice. Pookie remarks of the TSN feed, “It’s going to be so strange seeing pertinent replays during a game that’s being aired on Blersus.”

16:19 Brad “Road Spikes” Richards (TM Patty) fires a giant slapshot while in full stride busting down the near wing. Nabokov has to windmill his glove in reaction, but the shot misses hugely high. We don’t care, though. That’s the kind of sassy skating that has made us turn our playoff goggle attention to Mr. Road Spikes. Keep it up, Brad – that’s the kind of play that makes a girl want to build a bear with you.

15:12 The Stars come so close on a dazzling “burst of speed” two on one with Ribs and Lehtinen that explodes out of a nothing play at the blue line, but Rivet breaks up the easy tap-in for Ribs by high sticking him. The Stars go on the power play first, and wonder if that means they don’t have to take their traditional three consecutive first-period penalties now.

13:39 As nothing much is happening on the Stars PP, we discuss what we think the likely result is going to be tonight. Pookie predicts a 1-0 final. Schnookie remarks that this is the most swaggery she’s thought the Stars have looked all series. “They haven’t looked this bad-ass since the Ducks series.” Pookie: “‘Bad-ass’ is so the right word for it. They’re all skating like a full team of Fuck This Shit.” Watch now that the Sharks win.

11:26 This crowd tonight is nothing short of awesome. They’re in full roar, and have been on their feet for full minutes, although Pookie is suspicious: “It’s like their seats are all occupied by Sid’s Shih Tzus, so they can’t sit down.”

9:51 Just as the TSN guys are giving a disgusted run-down of the Stars whiffing on scoring chances (while showing highlights of Ribs getting high sticked on the two-on-one, and then Joel having to hurry a shot through a sliding, blocking defender) (although, to be fair, they also add a highlight of Joel, well, whiffing on a wide open net, for which he has been fired), Cheechoo takes a penalty right off a faceoff in the Dallas zone. Come on, Stars. Don’t you want to make Glenn Healy sound like an idiot? Oh wait, that’s not difficult…

8:03 This PP is not going well, and the fans have all parked their asses directly atop Sid’s Shih Tzus. Things get worse when Robidas can’t handle a bouncing puck on a cross-zone pass, and trips Marleau. Of course, Marleau all but cartwheels to the ice, so we’d not be at all displeased with an even-up diving call on that one.

6:06 We’re in full-on Stars playoff goggle mode, so we have to say it: that PK was hott. The Sharks never got a sniff of a scoring chance.

4:19 Things are getting sloppy now, with the Stars darting up the ice on a bad change, then heading back down the rink to turn the puck over at their own blue line, then blowing through the neutral zone again after getting the puck back, and Schnookie marvels, “Dude, the Stars are just so fast.” Pookie says, after a short pause, “I know. I wish the Devils would learn something from this.”

1:52 The Sharks finally get a little bit of a flurry down in front of Turco’s net, but the collapsing Stars D, in a state of mild panic, manages to find the puck before a Shark can pull the trigger. Hm. Why can’t the Devils do that? If that had been our beloved boys, it would have been a Sharks goal.

1:01 Okay, this time on a scrambling panic in front of Turco’s net (on a sequence started by Turco’s overenthusiastic efforts to keep the play moving forward [read: “turnover”]) yields something more Devilsesque – a penalty to Daley for hauling down some Shark forward in the blue paint.

0:11 During a stoppage after Morrow’s shorthanded chance is deflected over the glass, TSN gives us a replay of a crunching hit sort of from behind and the side on Lehtinen by JoeTho. Healy says, “Joe Thornton is a big…” and then he trails off. Pookie: “A big what?”

0:00 The period ends with Turco making a showy glove save on a shot by Soupy. Pookie: “The Stars didn’t dominate the way I wanted them to, but that’s okay. That’s okay. Sure.” She doesn’t sound like she’s convincing herself.

FIRST INTERMISSION

We’ll never get tired of watching the highlights of the Rangers losing, but if you’re looking for something exciting to do during the down moments of this game, Gentle Reader, may we suggested the newest post on ModFan?

SECOND PERIOD

19:34 It’s always weird on the TSN-on-Blersus feeds because we spend the entire intermission with the Blersus studio guys and get none of the highlights with the play-by-play team that a seasoned televised-hockey viewer expects. When the period starts up again here, it feels like we’ve been dropped into a strange game that was already in progress.

17:12 As the play slingshots up and down the length of the rink, with both team missing on a lot of passes, the TSN guys explain to us that the playoffs get faster and faster with each successive round. They mention that Tippett has said to them that this round is way faster now than the first round was. Schnookie: “Yeah, well, that’s because the Sharks are actually playing, which is more than the Ducks could say.”

There is a lengthy delay while the officials retrieve one of Curtis Brown’s sticks that Turco threw into the Zamboni tunnel. For reals. During the delay, we get a lingering look at Ribs’s monstrous playoff beard. We would fully support him if he opted to manicure that exploding eyesore.

15:43 WOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! There’s a dude in a Devils sweater right behind the Stars bench! Nice!

15:11 WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The Stars are buoyed by the glorious sight of the Engma behind their bench! The Stars gain the zone on a great rush, then set up for a sweet rebound chance for Miettinen that he buries to make it 1-0. Pookie: “Miettinen scores for a case of mittens!” Well, it’s no Tastykakes, but it would probably still take many thousand mittens if you wanted to build a sidewalk from Philly to Atlantic City with them.

13:57 Play is going on in the neutral zone, but TSN is distracted by JoeTho in a state of labored limping at the bench.

13:34 The Stars fly up the ice on a rush that seems way easier than it should be, considering their opponent is facing elimination. As Nabokov makes a flashy glove save, Pookie wonders, “Are the wheels falling off all the Sharks except Nabokov?”

13:32 We come back from commercial to a replay of the play on which JoeTho injured himself. He kind of just seems to fall over after being tied up in a clinch at the boards behind Turco’s net. Healy declares it a high ankle sprain, then adds that he’s not going to try to guess what it was, since he’s hardly a doctor. Thanks, Glenn.

12:03 Thornton’s back on the ice. The play-by-play guy tells us that only Ovechkin has averaged more ice time per game in this year’s playoffs than JoeTho. Schnookie: “And look how well that turned out for the Caps.”

11:38 The Sharks have put their wheels back on, and Cheechoo draws a tripping penalty on Norstrom while cutting through a flat-footed defense.

9:38 The crowd is back on its feet, letting the Shish Tzus get some much-needed air, as the penalty expires.

9:04 Pookie exhorts Morrow, once he gains possession of the puck in his own zone, to do something good. He does not. “I need to tell him to do whatever the opposite is that I want,” she decides. “Come on, Morrow! Turn the puck over!” Pause. “Do you think he’s falling for it?” No, he’s not.

8:11 There is a pause in the action of the Stars looking like they think a 1-0 lead is insurmountable, and TSN takes this opportunity to give us an intense sideline report about how there’s a patch of bad ice at the Stars’ end that is causing guys to lose edges. Scandalous!

7:52 A Shark, whose name we miss, takes a stupid holding penalty behind Turco’s net.

6:01 The PP clock is winding down, and the Stars are very deliberately passing around the perimeter, hoping something will open up. Nothing does, and Pookie finally shouts, “Just rip it!” Pause. “But don’t hit a Shark with it.” Pause. “Rip it carefully.”

5:05 We lose track of the play a bit after Morrow and Nabokov exchange words that Healy tells us include Morrow saying, “I’m in your kitchen. I’m making bacon and eggs.” Pookie elaborates, “And maybe some sausage. And some orange juice. I’m squeezing orange juice.” Schnookie continues, “And some fruit salad. I’m making a fruit salad with some melons.” Pookie: “And some red grapes. Are these grapes seedless?” Schnookie: “And do you happen to have any of those personal-sized boxes of cereal? I like a well-balanced breakfast. Some cereal would be great, with a little milk. No-fat. Oh, and the coffee’s cold. Can you get some more coffee?” Pookie: “And towels. I need more towels in my room.” Nabokov is probably quaking in his skates in the face of this kind of trash talk.

4:09 Schnookie: “I can see why the Stars are playing a bit lax. It feels like it’s 4-0.”

4:02 Turco makes a calm glove save, and Healy beats Boomer to her favorite hockey-announcer cliché, when he intones gravely, “The next goal is going to be—” Boomer jumps in to finish the sentence before he can, “HUGE!” Healy then continues to tell us that the Stars are not going to blow a two-goal third-period lead again. It’s a reassuring thought, but considering the score is still 1-0, it’s kind of putting the cart before the horse.

1:05 Soupy tries a new-and-improved spin-a-rama while bulling up the wing in the offensive zone. Zubov is not impressed. That… might have been a more effective play if Soupy had just carried the puck toward the net like a normal person.

0:00 We liked the whole “scoring the first goal” thing that the Stars did here in this period, but we really didn’t like the whole “relying on Turco to make increasingly fantastic saves to keep the lead alive” part that followed. Psst, Dallas – it would behoove you to keep your foot on the gas.

SECOND INTERMISSION

During the first studio segment Engblom makes some shouty point that we think boils down to, “If the Sharks hadn’t won Game 5, they would be in big trouble right now.” He gets paid for this, people.

THIRD PERIOD

18:47 The TSN guys are prattling on about the awesomeness that was Roenick in the third period of Game 5, and as if the Stars are as tired of hearing about him as their fans are, a Dallas defender takes this opportunity to absolutely smush JR into the glass to Turco’s right.

18:22 Well, Stars, what did we say about not sitting on this one-goal lead like you thought it was 8-0? Turco isn’t paying attention to what’s going on, and Clowe lofts an eminently stoppable shot from the near boards that catches him napping. Just like that, it’s 1-1. Turco seems to be complaining that the puck may have ticked in off Plihal’s glove, but if he’d been paying attention to our Flyer boyfriend’s goal in Montreal last night, he’d know that would count whether it hit the glove or not.

15:19 Hm. The Stars are now sitting on this 1-1 tie as if it’s an 8-0 lead. Turco is called upon to make a good save after his skaters let Cheechoo wind up for a week just above the faceoff dot and crank his best shot netward.

15:11 Turco makes a glove save off a clean Sharks faceoff win, which followed yet another alert save he made on an Eriksson turnover. TSN lets us know that is the seventh Sharks shot of the period. The Stars are really playing to win now, aren’t they?

13:18 Have the Stars been taking Devils lessons? They withstand sustained pressure from the Sharks in their own zone, then Morrow leads a three-on-two the other way that peters out when he opts to pass to the vacant wing where the trailing skater is lah-di-dahing slowly up behind him instead of dishing to the other wing, where his teammate is driving hard.

10:27 For the first time this period, the Stars get a good flurry going around Nabokov’s net, and a rebound squirts out of the crowded slot, finds its way to the pinching pointman’s stick, then, with the crowd ready to just go up… he shoots high. Look, Stars, if we wanted to watch the Devils, we’d be clearing out our TiVo tonight. The rest of the attackers then stand around watching while the Sharks gather up the loose puck and skate the other way. Pookie: “Why are you just letting the Sharks have the puck?”

8:00 The fans are back to their full awesomeness as they’re trying to wave some non-sucktitude into their team with their towels. The Stars respond by icing the puck. It seems so long ago that this team was full of Fuck This Shit.

6:45 TSN wonders aloud whether the 2008 Sharks will be the team to come back from an 0-3 deficit, per the “every 33 years” metric no one’s ever mentioned before. Pookie: “No.” Schnookie: “I certainly hope not.” We feel a bit of unhappiness seeping into the room, and Schnookie chirps, “You guys! The Rangers lost today!” The unhappiness is held at bay, as a bit of incredulity takes its place; Schnookie continues, “We have an all-Atlantic Division ECF that I’m actually happy about. How strange.”

5:02 Turco takes a few years off every Stars fan’s life when he challenges hard on a Sharks rush (after a maddening Modano turnover at the other blue line), catches the shot between his arm and torso, then teeters backwards, unsure of where the puck ended up. Pookie: “This is not inspiring a lot of confidence in me.”

4:43 Norstrom has a long look at the net from the point, but decides to defer to anyone else for a fancier shot, and fires a diagonal pass to Modano at the side of the net. Nothing comes of it. Eventually the puck ends up at the other point, and the Star there just cranks it, and Nabokov leaves a juicy little rebound in the paint. SEE? You need to shoot the puck, ninnies!

3:00 Road Spikes tries to make something happen, with a snazzy bit of forecheck, but all his hard work is foiled when the shot he labors to set up is on Lundqvist’s stick. Once again, Joel isn’t quick enough on the trigger, and JR blocks his glorious chance in the slot. We grind our teeth and wonder if the Lundqvist boys were sent to Earth just to ruin hockey for us.

1:36 The Stars are having trouble clearing their zone after an atrocious turnover, but it would be a lot easier if there were penalties called when Modano gets hooked down while making to loft the puck over the blue line.

0:05 Morrow flattens Michalek on the far boards, stepping up Stevens-style while Michalek is trying to skate up the side with his head down. It’s the kind of hit you can feel through the television.

0:00 The period ends with Michalek still face-down on the ice, the crowd hushed, and the Sharks gathered around their fallen teammate. Eventually he climbs to his feet, and we go to commercial, gearing up for overtime.

OVERTIME INTERMISSION

We opt to leave the intermission muted; Pookie explains, “I just want the TV to be quiet for a minute.” There’s only so much shouty intermission a girl can handle in one day.

OVERTIME

Before the drop of the puck, TSN shows us Michalek looking scarily woozy while being helped down the tunnel, then a strange glimpse of Ron Wilson grabbing at Steve Ott’s stick while passing him in the tunnel. What the hell?

19:27 Morrow’s like the bear in The Edge, and now that he’s tasted human flesh, he can’t go back. He has a monster shift, hitting everything that moves, forcing turnovers, and creating scoring chances by being a man-eating wrecking ball.

18:57 Morrow tries to finish staking his claim to the title of “IPB’s Official Playoff Boyfriend” when he speeds down the near wing like a tank and tries to walk out along the goal line and stuff the puck into the net. Nabokov just barely holds his ground in the face of so much seething hot testosterone.

18:29 NO THE FUCK WAY! Road Spikes has the series on his stick, after a brilliant cross-crease pass finds him at the side of the net with Nabokov totally out of the play, but Nabokov makes an astonishingly awesome diving glove save to pull the puck out of the air right on top of the goal line.

17:01 The Stars have forgotten how to play hockey again, and have no idea how to handle the likes of Roenick and Marleau in the defensive zone. Come on, Stars! Marleau is his coach’s designated scapegoat and Roenick spent much of last year watching his team’s games on the TV in a restaurant across the street from whatever arena they were in. How hard can this be?

15:20 Healy tells us there are “panic merchants” on the ice. Schnookie: “Panic merchants?” Pookie: “Yup. There are guys selling panic out there. Soupy’s like, ‘Want a free sample? *SPIN!*’”

12:47 Norstrom makes a nifty little play standing up a rushing Shark at his blue line, missing the puck with his stick, but then stopping the offensive parry with some adroit puck-blocking footwork. We’d been told he was a stiff! Where did that play come from?

11:14 Turco juggles a rebound after a quick, high shot and it looks like disaster is about to befall us, but somehow the Stars manage to hold their ground.

10:23 Turco tries to catch the Sharks on a trade, and fires a pass to Morrow at the San Jose blue line; the play doesn’t lead to any kind of scoring chance, because Morrow has to hold up to wait for his teammates. While he’s holding, Rissmiller comes hurtling from center ice to try to hit him, and ends up going flying from the brute force of Morrow’s manliness. Schnookie: “I’m beginning to think you hit Morrow at your own risk. He’s the kind of guy I’d be happy to trade Arnott and McKay for.” Pookie: “Yeah. Or Gionta and Langenbrunner. Or Gionta, Langenbrunner and Elias. Or Gionta, Langenbrunner, Elias, and this paddleball game.”

9:17 All hell is breaking loose in the Dallas crease, but again, somehow the puck doesn’t find its way past Turco.

8:58 The attack of the Thornton line is more than the Stars can handle on this shift, and they have to take an icing.

8:43 We’ve entered that phase of the OT. Dallas ices the puck again.

8:04 HOLY FLIRKING SCHNITT! Turco makes an absolutely insane save coming across the crease to make a flying, kicking, semi-stacked pad save on Marleau. This is some Grade-A, awesome, spectacular, best-thing-in-all-of-professional-sports overtime hockey here.

5:46 The Sharks have owned the last five minutes of the period, and Turco has to make his zillionth amazing save, this one a scrambling toe save on a bang-bang shot from the slot by Pavelski.

2:50 Okay, now the Stars have owned the last couple of minutes, but even when they get Nabokov scrambling to keep up with the relentless forecheck, they can’t get a guy in the right place in front of the net.

2:16 WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! (Sorry, it needs to be said when the play-by-play guy remarks of Joel Lundqvist, “His brother was eliminated today by the Penguins.”)

1:13 Argh! What in the hell? Ribs suddenly finds himself all alone in front of the Sharks goal, with all day to make the play, but Nabokov outwaits him and shuts the door. It’s amazing he wasn’t distracted by Ribs’s facial hair.

0:49 Oh for FUCK’S SAKE! Nabokov makes a great save on a shot from outside, but lets the rebound go straight to Ribs, who beats him over his glove hand… but hits the crossbar.

0:00 Hey, that was some of the best hockey we’ve seen in the playoffs yet. How about another period?

SECOND OVERTIME INTERMISSION

It sounds like Ron Wilson is doing a great job of managing the ice time for his big stars. No, wait — what’s the opposite of “great”? Granted, yes, this is an elimination game, and those are the guys you need to come through in a situation like this, but Soupy’s had over 35 minutes of ice time already tonight. So how is it that he hasn’t put the puck in his own net yet?

SECOND OVERTIME

19:51 Just as Healy is telling us “someone is going to make a tired mistake,” Robidas blows an edge, coughing the puck up to JoeTho in the slot. Turco manages to get a toe on the shot, and we’re informed that was just Joe’s first shot of the night.

19:29 The Stars seem not to have realized the OT has started, this time standing around as Plihal gets a great chance.

18:58 And now Turco has to make a huge stop on Roenick. Did the Stars all take naps in the intermission, and are having a hard time waking up? Because that happens to us a lot. It’s perfectly understandable.

17:36 The totally awesome crowd is now almost impossibly tense.

16:50 The puck bounces over Lundqvist’s stick on a nice cross-zone feed, and then bounces over his stick again on the rebound off the boards. Schnookie: “He needs to stop using that Flubber stick.” Pookie: “I know. Just because Flubber pays him a lot to use it doesn’t mean he should.”

15:44 The Sharks are just working harder than the Stars right now.

13:55 Healy murmurs something about how the shifts are all getting shorter now. Pookie: “And considerably less effective.”

13:06 The Stars are sucking fumes in their own zone, but Thornton’s line can’t get the puck in front despite owning the boards. While Pookie is breaking the single-shift record for saying, “Oh God, that had ‘disaster’ written all over it,” the announcers point out that this is now the longest game of this year’s playoffs. Pookie: “I hope that somewhere out there is a ‘Tapout’ fan going, ‘DAMMIT!’ right now.”

11:33 It is becoming increasingly likely that the Stars are not going to win this game. San Jose is outshooting them 6-1 in this frame, and it doesn’t even feel that close.

9:34 The cameraman is forced to pay attention to the Sharks end of the ice for a long shift, the highlight of which is a well-conceived pass across the slot from Zubov that is just barely out of Road Spikes’s reach.

9:28 Okay, this is chintzy. We get the mid-period ice-clearing timeout after a Sharks icing, and the stoppage is long delayed because Pavelski, who is supposed to be on the ice, has a skate issue. Play is finally started without Pavelski; why is that allowed?

7:52 As everyone’s starting to get that punch-drunk look thanks to tired legs, Modano suddenly puts on some unexpected jets and blows down the far wing to lead a two-on-one. Sadly, his pass isn’t as good as his speed, so nothing comes of it.

7:18 GAH! It looks for a moment like JoeTho has scored, but the puck just grazes off the outside of the net. Then Turco is crazy cool covering the puck behind him when a Shark smartly goes for the bank shot from behind the net.

4:34 It has become quiet at stately IPB Manor; Boomer’s gone to bed, and Pookie and Schnookie are feeling that exhaustion that comes from watching hockey players looking increasingly drained.

4:05 Ehrhoff knocks the net off the moorings when he slides down the crease coming back on a defensive rush. Pookie is suddenly animatedly shouting, “Penalty! Penalty!” This has been her pet beef today, and she adds, after a pause, “Dammit, I will see a penalty for this today.”

3:00 The officials commit the second-most egregious icing call of the playoffs here by whistling the Stars for it on a play where the Shark dogged it back and the puck barely made it across the line. Schnookie says sleepily, “That’s bullhonkey.”

1:43 The Sharks are setting up some nice tic-tac-toe passing on a two-on-one that turns into a drop pass to the trailer, and it looks like this might be it… until Ribs makes a great diving backchecking play to poke the puck off the Shark’s stick at the last moment.

1:00 The final minute announcement goes up across the PA and Pookie sighs, “Dammit, I really wanted to see how this ends.” It’s bedtime for her now, too, much as she hates to admit it.

0:00 The buzzer sounds on the second OT; this game diary is now taking on the tone of a doomed Arctic exploration’s journal: “Boomer is long gone now. Pookie has just left us. Considering eating the dogs soon. Is all hope lost?”

THIRD OVERTIME INTERMISSION

Doomed Arctic Exploration Journal Entry #1: Spent intermission brushing teeth and preparing to fall into bed at a moment’s notice. Blersus not worth listening to.

THIRD OVERTIME

18:10 Doomed Arctic Exploration Journal Entry #2: The hockeyists all seem to have more energy than those of us on this expedition do. They are skating with more verve than was shown in the entire previous OT period. Although Norstrom is showing off again what a stiff he is.

17:00 Doomed Arctic Exploration Journal Entry #3: Oh for fuck’s sake. Grossman hooks a Shark driving to the net, and gets called for it. It is only the 70th such infraction committed since the last penalty was called sometime sixteen periods ago. Even the dogs that haven’t been eaten yet by the starving, freezing crew know that call is bullshit.

15:00 Doomed Arctic Exploration Journal Entry #4: Am thinking the Sharks are likely to be called for an even-up soon, as they failed to convert on their man-advantage.

13:30 Doomed Arctic Exploration Journal Entry #5: In a burst of good news, the remaining members of the expedition are pleased to see footage of Michalek in the bowels of the arena, walking robustly, albeit with his arm in a sling. Although we are not too small to nitpick that we would have preferred if he’d buttoned his shirt, or put on a t-shirt, or something. He is not contending for the title of “Doomed Arctic Exploration’s Official Playoff Boyfriend”.

11:07 Doomed Arctic Exploration Journal Entry #6: We momentarily believe our doomed expedition is saved on a snazzy pass from Morrow to a streaking Star in the slot, but Nabokov smothers all hope. In the stormy Arctic nights, we think we see Morrow’s hunky form in the snowy mists, but we know we’re just hallucinating from the hunger and cold.

10:09 Doomed Arctic Exploration Journal Entry #7: Turco keeps the ship from being rescued from the ice floes when Pavelski seems to have him beat, but shoots the puck under the sprawling goaltender’s back instead of into the net. Despite the Sharks celebrating behind the goal, the official fervently waves the goal off, and video review confirms it. We go back to eating the book bindings in the ship’s infirmary for want of any other food.

8:47 Doomed Arctic Exploration Journal Entry #8: Was expecting that Stars power play before now.

6:51 Doomed Arctic Exploration Journal Entry #9: That hunky form in the snowy mists, the man come to rescue the dwindling numbers in the crew – is it Road Spikes? He is beginning to get that look of, “Dammit, if I don’t score, no one on my team is going to.” Unfortunately, his teammates are kind of playing as if they agree with him, and are saying, “Um, yeah, go ahead and take care of this for us, will you?”

3:34 Doomed Arctic Exploration Journal Entry #10: We’re not sure Turco’s is the form we want stepping out of the snowdrifts to come to our aid anymore. Because that means it’s still not over. Of course, as he makes a great save on a Mitchell one-timer, Healy points out that the Sharks had too many men on the ice. Where is the even-up call? We are beginning to go mad looking for the Stars power play.

1:00 Doomed Arctic Exploration Journal Entry #11: Another intermission may be more than this doomed expedition can handle. Let’s go, Stars!

0:00 Doomed Arctic Exploration Journal Entry #12: Okay, in for a penny, in for a pound. There are no dogs left to eat, and things are getting desperate, but still the ship is locked in ice, and we are going nowhere.

FOURTH OVERTIME INTERMISSION

Doomed Arctic Exploration Journal Entry #13: How many Blersus intermission shows can a person be expected to listen to?

FOURTH OVERTIME

19:47 Doomed Arctic Exploration Journal Entry #14: Turco is called upon to make a quick glove save on Cheechoo. The remaining crew members are chatting prayers through frozen teeth that this overtime will follow the standard pattern of ending quickly, making its survivors wonder why they sat through that intermission.

18:28 Doomed Arctic Exploration Journal Entry #15: The Sharks are playing fast and loose on defense in front of their own net, but Nabokov is now impersonating Turco in awesomeness.

18:09 Doomed Arctic Exploration Journal Entry #16: Daley was very nearly our rescuer, but again with the Nabokov. We begin gnawing on the oaken beams of the hull, hoping they have some nutritive value.

15:41 Doomed Arctic Exploration Journal Entry #17: Now the skaters look as exhausted as the crew here. Crankshaft Murray finally gets a hold of the puck after the Stars stage a bit of a shooting gallery in San Jose’s zone, and seems barely able to stagger five steps to carry it over his blue line. He then drags himself to the bench and starts gnawing on the boards, hoping to find nutritive value in them.

13:16 Doomed Arctic Exploration Journal Entry #18: Ribs seems not to realize that quadruple overtime is not the best time to try to beat all five of your opponent’s skaters in a one-man rush up the ice. We watch his turnover by just the light of the Aurora Borealis, as all the lamp oil is long gone.

11:47 Doomed Arctic Exploration Journal Entry #19: At long last, the even-up penalty call arrives, in the form of Soupy tripping Eriksson after another long shift of Dallas pressure in the San Jose zone. Will our deliverance be in the form of a Soupy penalty? Could it be that sweet?

11:13 Doomed Arctic Exploration Journal Entry #20: Or will our deliverance be in the form of a shorthanded goal on a Soupy penalty? Turco stops Rissmiller, but we are anxious that the Hockey Gods just might be that perverse.

10:57 DoomedRescued Arctic Exploration Journal Entry #21: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Our rescuer is, of course, Morrow, who deftly tips a gorgeous feed from Robidas past a valiant Nabokov. Our wonderful ordeal is over, and we couldn’t be happier – hockey is beautiful! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

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