[This is Chapter 2 of our 3-part "A Playoff Carol". Chapter 1 can be found here.]
Exactly one hour later, they are roused once more by a loud noise in the front yard. They are two seriously grumpy Ookies when they open the door and find themselves face-to-face with a gap-toothed Zach Parise, sporting slightly glazed eyes and profuse quantities of blood gushing from the empty parts of his mouth where his teeth used to be.
IPB: [Dryly.] Let me guess. You’re the Ghost of Playoffs Present.
GoPPr: How’d you know?
IPB: [Shrugging coolly.] Call it a hunch.
GoPPr: [Lisping so badly he whistles on his "S"s.] Sorry about all the blood. I think I got hit in the mouth by your garden gate there.
IPB: Right. Look, it’s really late, and kind of cold out. We’d like to get some sleep tonight, so whatever it is you want to show us, could you make it quick?
GoPPr: Fine, fine. I can do that…
He snaps his fingers, and the group is suddenly transported to the Prudential Center, where they are standing amidst thousands of Rangers fans in full, arrogant roar during the final moments of the first-round elimination game from this current playoff year.
IPB: [Horrified.] What the fuck are you doing??? Look, we’ve read “A Christmas Carol”, so we totally know what’s going on here. Okay, actually, to be honest, we haven’t read it. But we’ve seen lots of stage versions of it! And the Disney movie. And the Muppet movie. We totally get this, and you’re supposed to be showing us things right now that melt our cold hearts to learn to love the playoffs. Jubilant Rangers fans celebrating the Devils loss really isn’t doing it for us.
GoPPr: [His eyes grow even wider and more dewy with tears.] Am I not doing this well enough? Really? I thought I was good enough, but I guess I’m not… [His lower lip starts to tremble.] It’s okay. I can work harder. I can do it better… Just give me a chance…
The Ghost tries to snap his fingers but fumbles it a few times, growing more and more uptight and visibly distressed with each effort, but finally he succeeds, and the snap sends him and the Ookies to a new setting. They look around and realize it is the Penguins dressing room in the moments following their series-clinching victory against the Flyers.
GoPPr: [Regaining his composure.] Here’s some jolliness you might have missed, since you didn’t watch the end of that game.
IPB: [Bristling.] Look, Parise. We tried to like these playoffs. We put on the goggles, we chugged the wine, and when we woke up we were smeared with orange face paint and had no idea where we were or how we got there.
GoPPr: I don’t want to hear it. You’re supposed to be watching this scene now and feeling your black, black hearts melting. [Snidely.] You said you know the way this story goes.
IPB: Fine. We’ll watch.
The three wait while the Pens trickle into the dressing room, in full, Conference Final-winning celebration. Ryan Malone quickly tears off his uniform and swaggers around the room telling everyone who has the misfortune of not getting away from him that his tattoos are, like, totally hot. Petr Sykora keeps begging anyone who has the misfortune of not getting away from him to braid his hair, and when rebuffed, whimpers, “Larry always used to.” Marion Hossa sits off to the side, lighting cigars with $100 bills.
IPB: This isn’t winning us over.
GoPPr: Um, yeah. This is… not cool.
He snaps, and Sid Crosby suddenly appears, his creepy pedophile mustache even more terrifying up close.
IPB: *Screech of horror*
GoPPr: Oh come on! I thought you loved him! Everyone loves him! My father tells me every day how much better he is than me!
IPB: Look, Zach, no offense, but this just isn’t flipping our switch, you know? In “A Christmas Carol” there’s a cute little gimpy kid. Maybe we need to find one of those?
GoPPr: Maybe Sid’s ankle still hurts?
IPB: *Stony silence*
The Ghost Looks sheepish, and snaps his fingers. Suddenly Sid is limping dramatically, and squeaking, “God bless us, every one!”
IPB: That’s it. This sucks.
There is another phantom, metallic *CLANK!* and the Ookies are, for the third time that night, left alone in their front yard, still in the pitch darkness of late, late night. They wordlessly agree there’s no point going back to bed, and spend an hour playing Katamari until the Ghost of Playoffs Future shows up.
To Be Continued…
i’m almost afraid of what the third act of this play will entail…as was ebeneezer scrooge petrified by the ghost of christmas future…
HAHAHAHA!!!! don, I know what’s coming, and let me tell you — it’s TERRIFYING. :P
well, here’s hoping that the ghost of playoff future decides to leave you two humble bloggers alone and visits lou lamoriello, attempting to show him how important it is to make a tempting offer to at least one quality free agent…lol
Hey, good point, don! Why’re the ghosts bothering us? Is it because they’re scared of Lou?
Gosh, y’all are so mean to Zach! Poor kid, all bloodied…
Hilarious again!
I love Tiny Sid! :^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Brilliant! You ladies rawk! I laughed, I cried, I had some pancakes. Poor fucked up Zachie poo.
Poor Sid, so tiny and crippled, but so filled with the Christmas spirit.
I laughed, I cried, I had some pancakes.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::
Poor Sid, so tiny and crippled, but so filled with the Christmas spirit.
And it’s totally lost on the grumpy Ookies!
I laughed, I cried, I had some pancakes.
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
And really, who (besides scroogy old us) doesn’t love Tiny Sid?
Tiny Sid is magnificent.
Not me! I definitely don’t not like Tiny Sid!
Is it because Sid doesn’t seem like he was ever a child to you, Patty? That he just sprung up instantanously in Mario’s basement into a fully grown hockey prodigy?
Sid sprung, fully formed, from Mario’s brow. In his basement.
(I’ve got to say, National Treasure is a BILLION times better than I remember it being.)
No, I’m saying I don’t NOT like Tiny Sid! He still seems like a child to me. I do like him!
Although he looks beefier every time I see him. I’m not sure I’m on board with that.
Is it just me, or is the fact that the Avs RE-hired Granato as their head coach hilarious? Is it just me?
What is their GM doing over there? I think he’s drunk!
(And alix, sorry to hear that they re-upped AV.)
I was saying earlier, “I am so glad I’m not an Avs fan today!”
“I am so glad I’m not an Avs fan today!”
It’s a good way to remind ourselves that we should always be glad we’re not Avs fans. :P
Good morning!
Those darn ghosts are really wrecking IPB Manor, aren’t they? The past broke a flowerpot and present left blood everywhere. With your luck, future will pull down your gutters or something.
With your luck, future will pull down your gutters or something.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Good morning, everyone! Only one more night of killing time with bad movies/tv shows until hockey comes back! Amy, are you totally pysched for “The Cutting Edge 3″ tonight?!
It’s so true — the ghosts are WRECKING the place!
I am totally psyched today, not just because it’s T-minus zero in the countdown to the “Cutting Edge 3″ diary. It’s my first Summer Friday of the year, so I’m outta here at 12:30! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
I love these Playoff Carol posts!
It’s my first Summer Friday of the year, so I’m outta here at 12:30! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
I’m so envious, Schnookie… the highlight of my day was, “Yes! It’s a holiday weekend! People have taken Friday off to make it a four-day weekend, so there’s no traffic!” I made it to work in record time, even though I was late getting out the door…
I am totally psyched today, not just because it’s T-minus zero in the countdown to the “Cutting Edge 3″ diary.
No pressure!
There was almost no traffic going in to work today, though the gas station was a bit of a nightmare.
Well, if it’s any help to those of you working full days today, I had to be in early to help my boss set up for an all-day presentation meeting, and I got scolded by HIS boss for not publicizing the meeting enough. So I’m starting my weekend off with a bang.
So I’m starting my weekend off with a bang.
Go read Margee’s post on SportSquee about Malkin. Seriously, it made my day so much better. :D
That being said, Schnookie, obviously they undervalue your genius at this company.
I have to be honest, the reasons why I was being scolded by the VP were mostly beyond my control, so I’m not too broken up by it. She was all, “Let’s get together sometime laster and have a Lessons Learned meeting about this…” and I’m like, “Don’t you have anything more productive to do with your time than have a meeting with me in which we discuss how your own admin hasn’t updated your department’s mail lists?”
“Don’t you have anything more productive to do with your time than have a meeting with me in which we discuss how your own admin hasn’t updated your department’s mail lists?”
Gah, don’t you hate that?
That is so not cool. But it’s still suck-y that you got blamed for it even though it really wasn’t your fault.
That being said, at least you get to go home at 12:30…and do whatever you want.
I appreciate your bucking me up, Caitlin! I’m actually surprisingly not at all upset that I got scolded by a muckety-muck, because really, the issues she was peeved about were pretty minor, and again, mostly beyond my control. So now I’m just enjoying a quiet office (everyone’s over at the other site in the meeting), and watching the clock! :D
Oh, and it’s a beautiful day here today! After days and days and days of rain, I think our garden might actually get some significant sunshine today! WOOOOOO!!!
I’m actually surprisingly not at all upset that I got scolded by a muckety-muck
Heh, you’re better than I am – that would drive me bananas.
Wow, it’s pretty here too for once, so we broke the reverse weather thing, I guess. My plants have been getting too much sunshine, methinks, just because it’s been so hot and sunny outside. I watered them before I left for work, just to be on the safe side.
Wait, how can it be nice here AND in Dallas? What gives? I guess it’s just the power of MY BIRTHDAY WEEKEND! (I get to open prezzies on Sunday Sunday Sunday! I CAN’T WAIT!!!)
I guess it’s just the power of MY BIRTHDAY WEEKEND! (I get to open prezzies on Sunday Sunday Sunday! I CAN’T WAIT!!!)
Wow, your birthday is magic! And yay for your birthday – does this mean we’re getting pictures of all your loot that you’re getting?
Ooooh! I think I should document EVERY SECOND of my present extravaganza! Pookie is very good at giving me confounding hints about what I’m getting, and she’s told me she’s most excited about something that she claims will make my vegetable-picking at the Farm much easier. I have NO IDEA what this means, but I’m assuming she’s gotten me a sherpa. So expect pictures of the sherpa soon! :P
Oh, and it’s a beautiful day here today! After days and days and days of rain, I think our garden might actually get some significant sunshine today!
Its gorgeous here as well.
I love it when holiday weekends shape up so nicely.
Isn’t it the best when the weather makes it clear that it understands everyone wants to be BBQing?
So expect pictures of the sherpa soon! :P
I’m so excited for you – it’s like having your own vegetable-garden Sven! Sherpas are awesome!
I think I should document EVERY SECOND of my present extravaganza!
I think you should! I like getting presents, but I like watching other people get cool stuff too. :p
I love it when holiday weekends shape up so nicely.
Concurred!
Time is going so slowly! How is it not even 11:15 yet????
I have NO IDEA what this means, but I’m assuming she’s gotten me a sherpa.
HA!!!!!! That is fucking hilarious!
Happy birthday-extravaganza-weekend Schnookie.
Good morning IPB! It’s Friday! WOOO!
I don’t know, Schnookie, I don’t know.
It needs to at least be 12:30 your time so I can go to lunch. :D
Thanks, andrew! And WOOOOOOOO! to Friday on principle too, let alone HALF-DAY Friday before a FOUR-DAY WEEKEND (I’m taking Tuesday off). WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! (Is it 12:30 yet?)
It needs to at least be 12:30 your time so I can go to lunch. :D
You’re telling me!
Good morning IPB! It’s Friday! WOOO!
Thank God for small favors – I am SO excited that it’s Friday. :D
Four day weekend? And a half day today? Wow! You sound like every single one of my co-workers…you would make a great government employee.
After days and days and days of rain, I think our garden might actually get some significant sunshine today!
Awesome! Bad vegetable weather sucks! We’ve had crazy, crazy wind the last three days. I almost lost one of my trees! 15 feet tall and the wind almost pulled it out of the ground, literally. It finally calmed down last night. I went out and thinned my corn stalks (didn’t want to do it before out of fear of them being blown down!)
My plants have been getting too much sunshine, methinks, just because it’s been so hot and sunny outside.
Pish posh….as long as they have enough water, there is no such thing as too much sun (sort of)! We’ve already broken into triple digit range out here, I was worried, but the garden made it through alright.
We’ve already broken into triple digit range out here, I was worried, but the garden made it through alright.
Yeah, mine seem to have made it through okay as well, thankfully. And we’ve even got stuff growing! I’m upset though, because we have a casualty – the plant that was previously in the flowerbeds ate an onion plant that was a bit of a straggler.
I’m upset though, because we have a casualty – the plant that was previously in the flowerbeds ate an onion plant that was a bit of a straggler.
Bummer. Ah well, losing plants is a part of growing your own food. I try to “strategically lose” plants. I overstuff the shit out of the beds, that way they fight for space and light, invariably the strongest survive, then when you thin everything out a little bit, your shit takes off like gangbusters. Calculated losses!
Everyone see? Amy got a shoutout on bfloblog! Go Amy!
Good morning IPB! Yay for Friday! I’m glad all of y’alls Fridays are good so far. And yay for good garden weather and not so much traffic and leaving work early.
the plant that was previously in the flowerbeds ate an onion plant that was a bit of a straggler.
Boooo killer plant, boooooooo.
Everyone see? Amy got a shoutout on bfloblog! Go Amy!
I hadn’t seen yet (I woke up 10 minutes ago [yes at 17:30. I'm sick], forgive me), but GO AMY! *party*
Amy got a shoutout on bfloblog! Go Amy!
Woo, Amy!!
Calculated losses!
Well, I did that this time around with the green beans! There’s a metric ton of them planted in the back of the bed, so we’ll see how that works out.
Morning, Mags!
Everyone see? Amy got a shoutout on bfloblog! Go Amy!
Holy cow! That’s made my day!
Argh! I just had to do ACTUAL WORK because my interwebs went down! What is my employer trying to DO to me? :P
Congrats on the shout-out, Amy!! WOOOOO!!!!!! It’s well-deserved!
And Caitlin, andrew’s right — there’s no such thing as too much sun, as long as there enough water. Sure, there’s such a thing as too much heat, but probably not with any of the stuff you planted! andrew, that’s totally exciting that your corn’s coming along! That blows (har har) about the wind, though. I can’t stand heavy winds, so the last few weeks have been edgy, tense ones for me in that regard. I think we’re finally down to just “blustery breezes” today.
Happy Birthday Weekend, Schnookie!
I took the day off today and I just woke up a half-hour ago. The bad side is that I dreamed lions had gotten into my house and none of my phones worked so I couldn’t call the authorities. It was so vivid, I was consciously relieved when I woke up that it had only been a dream.
Pretty awesome that you got a shout-out, Amy! I love hanging around with all the famous people around here. :D
I love hanging around with all the famous people around here. :D
Me too :) Why do you think I’m still here ;P
There’s a metric ton of them planted in the back of the bed, so we’ll see how that works out.
Nice work! My motto is always: Plan to Fail. That way when you over-do it and some of your stuff actually survives, you still win!
Holy cow! That’s made my day!
You certainly deserve it! Congrats!
that’s totally exciting that your corn’s coming along! That blows (har har) about the wind, though.
Dude, it’s about 3 feet tall! Consequently, I waited to long to thin out the rows…but no big deal, they should be okay.
All the gardening talk has ALMOST made me plant some flowers in the little 1X4 patch of dirt next to my back door. But…not quite. Too much trouble. :D
Maybe I should get one of those flower-seed mats that you just lay on the ground and cover with potting soil.
I waited to long to thin out the rows
If you’d been home instead of on vacation, you probably would have thinned them out too soon.
WOOOOO, AMY! Way to go!
I’m so excited the plants are getting sun today! I’ve been worried about them.
Also worrisome? I just taught a computer class on using Picnik and everyone was silent through the whole thing. Dudes! Come on! Where’s the ooh-ing and aah-ing over how AWESOME it is?! It put me on edge, wondering if I was doing something wrong…
The bad side is that I dreamed lions had gotten into my house and none of my phones worked so I couldn’t call the authorities.
That is awesome. Honestly Patty, I don’t know if I have ever had dreams of lions invading the home. Nicely done.
If you’d been home instead of on vacation, you probably would have thinned them out too soon.
True. At least now I know that the ones that remain are the strongest stalks.
Check this out. Ilya Kovalchuk’s mom is awesome:
http://thrashers.portspaces.com/post/blueland/kovalchuks_mom_challenges_blogger_to_eat_skates.html
Kovy’s mom is indeed awesome :D
WOO HOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! I’m home! I’m free! For four and a half blissful days! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
Patty, I would be really lazy about putting in flowers, too, but then I’m a terrible flower gardener. I’m like, “What, you put them in the ground, they bloom for a few days, and then what?” I can’t even be bothered to dead-head.
I have to honest, since this was Zach Parise and all, when I saw “so whatever it is you want to show us, could you make it quick?” I thought we were going into scandalous territory.
Yeah, Margee, I was a bit concerned about that line. I figured I could count on you to point it out. :D
Scandalous territory? Zach Parise? Us? Surely you jest!
Patty, those flower seed mats are awesome! (That or the flower seeds in a can that you can buy.)
Schnookie, I’m so glad you’re free for the rest of the day! Me, I’m debating whether or not to go see Indiana Jones tonight….
If it helps with your decision, Caitlin, I’ve read mixed reviews of Indy today. So it’s not all bad word-of-mouth! :P
Boomer reported to me that our nosy, crazy, crazy bitch neighbor (the one who ratted us out to animal control about our unregistered housecats) has given the seal of approval to our garden design. Then she proceeded to try to tell Boomer everything we were doing wrong in the garden. Considering this is a woman who told us our first Spring as gardeners that starting vegetables from seed is impossible, I am not holding her advice in very high esteem. Heh.
I’m debating whether or not to go see Indiana Jones tonight….
I thought about that, but I figured my expectations are way too high and I’m going to end up disappointed. Besides, my sister and her daaaaaaarling boyfriend (*gag*) are here and I have to entertain them. Just… take me out back and shoot me after they’re gone.
If it helps with your decision, Caitlin, I’ve read mixed reviews of Indy today. So it’s not all bad word-of-mouth! :P
Oh, I love the Indy movies, so I was definitely planning on seeing it. I’m just debating whether to see it tonight or wait. Hmm…
Schnookie, your neighbor is insane! Seriously? This woman must have no job, no family and no friends, because all she must do all day is peer out her windows and keep a list of things she hates/doesn’t like. My god!
You know who she reminds me of? The lady neighbors in Edward Scissorhands.
That’s EXACTLY what our neighbor’s like. Hilariously, though, she considers herself an expert on everything, but has demonstrated time and again that we know more about a lot of topics than she does. Regardless, she presents herself as a font of information, so it’s easy to be hypnotized by her. I had to remind Boomer to snap out of it, and that we know a BILLION TIMES more about vegetable gardening than she does. (She has a little patch next to her house in which she plants lettuce and tomatoes each year, and then thinks she knows everything about, say, corn and potatoes.)
She also mows her lawn twice a week.
She also mows her lawn twice a week.
Aahhhh, she’s one of those people. You know she’s out there mowing in order to hopefully catch someone outside to stop and harrass. But also, she’s crazy. Clearly the dial is set somewhere between ‘O.C.D.’ and ‘desperate attention seeker’.
Why yes, I am an expert in arm-chair psychoanalysis. Why do you ask?
Schnookie, that’s so funny! Our neighbors pretty much just keep to themselves, so I guess I should consider myself lucky that I don’t have a resident expert-about-everything living around me. :D
Just find an Avon lady to go up to that big scary house on the hill and bring down the guy with scissors for hands – that should keep her occupied.
I like to think I combine the best of both worlds, I’m an analyst and a therapist….
You know she’s out there mowing in order to hopefully catch someone outside to stop and harrass.
HAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Totally! Actually, she has a lawn service once a week, and mows midway between when the lawn guys come. Last week the lawn guys showed up and stood at the curb, literally scratching their heads, trying to figure out why this crazy, crazy bitch was paying them to mow a lawn that A) didn’t need mowing and B) she was clearly happy to mow herself. I would say that she’s really strange, but I think you’re right, and the dial is set between “OCD” and “desperate attention seeker”.
If I ever decide to take a Thursday off again, someone shoot me. I forgot how much it sucks to have a day off then have to come back to work for a whole day.
Yeah, that lady sounds like she needs a friend or two. Or seven.
Maybe she needs to join a bridge club or something. Or canasta – I hear canasta is loads of rockin’ fun.
I like to think I combine the best of both worlds, I’m an analyst and a therapist….
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Boomer’s bedroom was designed by the previous owner of our house as an office, so it has a drop ceiling, fluorescent lights, and is at the ground level of our split-level, so it has a picture window that looks out onto the driveway (I think in a previous incarnation, it was a garage). Boomer loves to call it her analrapist office.
Jen, going in on Friday after having Thursday off is THE WORST!
Or canasta – I hear canasta is loads of rockin’ fun.
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Will do, Jen, will do.
Boomer loves to call it her analrapist office.
As soon as I read that, “Swords, for $500!” popped into my head. I couldn’t help it.
I’m trying not to judge, but Neighbour Lady, are you ok?
Yeah, that lady sounds like she needs a friend or two. Or seven.
Perhaps she should set up auditions, like Jack did once on Will & Grace. Then again I’m not sure those people would make it out alive.
Perhaps she should set up auditions, like Jack did once on Will & Grace.
:^::::::::::::::::::::::
I had forgotten about that one! Speaking of Will & Grace characters, Neighbor Lady sounds like the type of person who would totally make you wait for a four-seater table when there are only two of you, just so her Cher doll can have it’s own seat.
I like to think I combine the best of both worlds, I’m an analyst and a therapist….
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
She also mows her lawn twice a week.
Correction — her lawn service mows her lawn once a week and then she mows her lawn once a week as well. Boomer saw the lawn service guys come by last week and they all did a double take and called back to the main office to make sure they were at the right place since their work was clearly done for them. She also then gets an industrial leaf-sucker-upper to get every single blade of cut grass off her enormous driveway. I totally want to put some propaganda in her mailbox about how much those yard tools pollute.
Oops. Sorry, I forget to hit send when I wrote that and then in the meantime, Schnookie said everything I said. Sorry!
I totally want to put some propaganda in her mailbox about how much those yard tools pollute.
Pookie, clearly this woman refuses to listen to reason. You must construct some sort of flyer telling her that yard tools give off special electro-magnetic waves that manipulate her brain and that patriotic Americans resist the Commie threat of yard tools.
If she’s as cuckadoodle as you guys say she is, she’ll bite on it like a fish on a hook. Surely you’ll see her yard tools ready for garbage pickup in no time flat.
Neighbor Lady sounds like the type of person who would totally make you wait for a four-seater table when there are only two of you, just so her Cher doll can have it’s own seat.
Omygod, seriously.
I totally want to put some propaganda in her mailbox about how much those yard tools pollute.
In the immortal words of the Pensblog: do it.
that patriotic Americans resist the Commie threat of yard tools.
Totally! “Crazy, Crazy Bitch,” we’ll say, “those yard tools are sapping your essence and stealing your bodily fluids! Purity of Essence!”
I can’t even be bothered to dead-head.
I might need andrew the analrapist’s help on this one, but the thing I don’t like about flowers is cutting them. I understand it is kind of what they’re for, and it encourages new blooms, but I honestly feel guilty about how hard the plant worked to produce such a beautiful flower only to have me whack it off.
I am SO weird.
Totally! “Crazy, Crazy Bitch,” we’ll say, “those yard tools are sapping your essence and stealing your bodily fluids! Purity of Essence!”
“Crazy Bitch, do you know about fluoridated water? Well, do you?”
I might need andrew the analrapist’s help on this one…
Help is on the way!!!!!
Honestly, for all the gardening talk that I love to get into around here, I will say that flowers are for sucks. Maybe it’s a guy thing, maybe it’s the pragmatist in me, but I could care less about ‘em.
That being said, I do have some sewn intermittently throughout my garden beds. But they’re there for ecological purposes only.
Patty, I completely agree with you on the “cutting flowers” front. I’m always like, “So then what was the point?” I don’t entirely get flowers.
That being said, I do have some sewn intermittently throughout my garden beds. But they’re there for ecological purposes only.
Well, yeah. We’re doing the same. But I’m starting to read more gardening blogs, and what I’ve discovered is that I can read about veggies all day, but as soon as the talk turns to flowers, my eyes glaze over. They are TOTALLY for sucks.
Flower gardening is SOOOO beyond me. I have a coworker who’s a big time flower gardener. I’m like, “When do you get to eat them?” She says pleasing the eye is just as important as pleasing the palatte. I say, “Bullshit! Veggies are perfectly pretty!”
I’m like, “When do you get to eat them?”
If you wanted, all the time :)
I say, “Bullshit! Veggies are perfectly pretty!”
That they are. And its even more true when you consider that we eat first with our eyes.
And its even more true when you consider that we eat first with our eyes.
Ooooh! You’ve got Pookie’s coworker NAILED with that one! :P
I say, “Bullshit! Veggies are perfectly pretty!”
Basil is a fine looking plant! And corn! Corn is very impressive looking, I think.
Flower gardening is SOOOO beyond me. I have a coworker who’s a big time flower gardener.
There’s no use flower gardening for me, as everything we’ve put in the beds is low-maintenance, like cannas, or spreads like wildfire and never dies.
Flowers are pretty, but such a waste to me, especially if someone buys you flowers. I had the biggest fight with a boyfriend over flowers, because I was concerned that he was spending a lot of money on stuff that died a week later that I had to throw out.
His response, summed up, was: “What kind of girl doesn’t like flowers?”
Corn is SO impressive-looking, and when the stalks dry out, they’re an awesome Halloween decoration!
I’m as big a fan of cut flowers as the next girl, but they really are expensive! I think I would probably have sided with you in that argument, Caitlin.
I think I would probably have sided with you in that argument, Caitlin.
Well, it was getting super-ridiculous. He spent $150+ on a huge bouquet and then wanted to keep buying me flowers all the time. We were both college students barely scraping by, and I was concerned that he wasn’t eating in order to buy me flowers.
He was kind of a drama queen, so he took it to meant I hated flowers and consequently, hated everything he did.
He and your neighbor should get together and go bowling.
He was kind of a drama queen, so he took it to meant I hated flowers and consequently, hated everything he did.
DUUUUUUDE. That guy has ISSUES. Like, BAD.
He was kind of a drama queen, so he took it to meant I hated flowers and consequently, hated everything he did.
He and your neighbor should get together and go bowling.
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: It sounds like they’d get along great! She’ll give him all kinds of advice about cut flowers, and living with a budget, and being a student… She knows a lot about everything. :P
That guy has ISSUES. Like, BAD.
Which ones haven’t had serious issues? I mean, between Chicken Parmesan guy, Mr. Princetastic and, “Hey, Can I Touch Your Chest” guy, I go for the winners!
I’m kind of a suck, because I want my house to be surrounded by flowers. I love them in the yard. And I love cut flowers in vases and indoor flowers in pots. My problem is the transition from blooming flower to dead flower. It happens to all of them, and even the plant doesn’t mind! It’s like cutting their fingernails to them! Still, it wracks me with guilt.
All of that only applies if I stop being lazy long enough to plant a flower, of course.
She’ll give him all kinds of advice about cut flowers, and living with a budget, and being a student… She knows a lot about everything. :P
Seriously, Schnookie…I feel for y’all. I wish there was some sort of chemical spray you could put on your property to keep the crazy lady away from y’all. Maybe it’s just me, but those kinds of people? I’m always afraid that they’re going to root through my mail, Single White Female me, or potentially come live in my attic or something.
It’s like cutting their fingernails to them! Still, it wracks me with guilt.
Aw, Patty, that’s so sad! (And for the record, I don’t think you’re a suck. You’re the exception to the “flower gardeners are sucks” rule, perhaps because you don’t actually have a flower garden…) (Actually, I always marvel at the lushly flowering gardens in our neighborhood, but I can’t be bothered with that kind of effort myself.)
Caitlin, you’re history with men sounds so inspiring!
And our neighbor is, for all that she’s a nosy, crazy, crazy bitch, just benign enough that I’m not worried about, like, stalking. There are plenty of other neighbors she also preys on. :P
You’re the exception to the “flower gardeners are sucks” rule, perhaps because you don’t actually have a flower garden…
I’ll take that! I like it when my laziness is justified.
I’ve been off to the mall for two hours now, but now I’m really going. I think I’ll look for one of those flower-shaker cans like Caitlin suggested. I’ll look for a way to have flowers AND be lazy.
between Chicken Parmesan guy, Mr. Princetastic and, “Hey, Can I Touch Your Chest” guy, I go for the winners!
Awww, I’m sorry!
There are plenty of other neighbors she also preys on. :P
Can’t y’all get together and do something?
I think I’ll look for one of those flower-shaker cans like Caitlin suggested.
One word: Wal-Mart (like $5.00 for the can.)
There are plenty of other neighbors she also preys on. :P
I think neighbors like her are the reason people started forming HOAs.
Which ones haven’t had serious issues? I mean, between Chicken Parmesan guy, Mr. Princetastic and, “Hey, Can I Touch Your Chest” guy, I go for the winners!
You have a good point. Ajay and I were complaining last night about dating (while polishing off a bottle of plum wine), and how much it totally sucks. How does one even find a date with a decent man anymore?
It’s like cutting their fingernails to them! Still, it wracks me with guilt.
I totally get it, Patty. I feel the same way sometimes when I cut flowers. That’s why I don’t grow them. I don’t grow anything, actually…Even when I worked at a nursery and got discounts on everything and free advice, I killed stuff.
Even when I worked at a nursery and got discounts on everything and free advice, I killed stuff.
I’m shocked at the fact that I’ve managed NOT to kill things! Woo! Go me!
How does one even find a date with a decent man anymore?
Dee-cent? What is this word you are using? (Just kidding! We’re not all bad!)
Anyhoo, I just had a chuckle and I thought I should share this with everyone. So I’ve been poking around Final Girl all morning, reading old reviews of some of my favorite horror flicks. Just passing time. So I’m reading the review for Texas Chainsaw Massacre…she’s comparing the original to the remake and drops this line:
…what’s lacking, though, is an understanding that it’s precisely the smallness of the first film that makes it so terrifying. The clan doesn’t live in fucking Stately Leatherface Manor, they live in a simple, small, ordinary white farmhouse.
Made me laugh, and think of IPB. Not that you gals are a pack of inbred cannibals. Just the stately manor part.
So I’ve been poking around Final Girl all morning, reading old reviews of some of my favorite horror flicks.
I flippin’ love Final Girl.
There was something else she did that reminded me of the -Ookies, and I can’t remember what it was.
andrew, we are TOTALLY a pack of inbred cannibals. No worries, though.
(Seriously, :^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: That is TOO funny!)
I flippin’ love Final Girl.
If I weren’t happily married I would so ask her out! She effing rocks my face off.
andrew, we are TOTALLY a pack of inbred cannibals. No worries, though.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that!
If I weren’t happily married I would so ask her out!
andrew, I’m seriously thinking about one of these days buying one of her super-awesome paintings.
andrew, we are TOTALLY a pack of inbred cannibals. No worries, though.
Does this mean the neighbor is the next up on the Stately IPB Manor Cannibal Banquet menu?
How does one even find a date with a decent man anymore?
People keep telling me I’m too young to date, but things like that make me wonder whether I shouldn’t just start early.
Andrew, that is hilarious about the stately manor bit :D
Does this mean the neighbor is the next up on the Stately IPB Manor Cannibal Banquet menu?
HA! I think, though, she’d be pretty far down the list, after all manner of coworkers. :P
Does this mean the neighbor is the next up on the Stately IPB Manor Cannibal Banquet menu?
Don’t eat the rump roast!
Eeeew…too far?
Andrew, that is hilarious about the stately manor bit :D
I got a pretty good chuckle out of it. It just sort of came out of nowhere too…
Stately Leatherface Manor
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
I think I saw those guys at the last Inbred Cannibal Convention in Las Vegas.
Don’t eat the rump roast!
Grooooooooooss.
Don’t eat the rump roast!
I suppose that’s better than the liver with a side of fava beans and a nice chianti.
I suppose that’s better than the liver with a side of fava beans and a nice chianti.
Way better. But only because, ew dude, liver? Gross!
Bye guys, I’m outta here! Bosses let me off early!
It’s naptime for me now! See y’all later, and if I don’t see you, have a great long weekend!
Oh, Caitlin, I’m super green jelly! I wanna go home early! WAAAH! Anyway, enjoy your three-day weekend and have a great holiday!
Way better. But only because, ew dude, liver? Gross!
What? No rump roast? Not even in a cannibal feast of one’s neighbors?!?
What? No rump roast? Not even in a cannibal feast of one’s neighbors?!?
Well, if you were gonna make some anyway…I guess I could go off my diet and have just a leeeeettle bit.
See ya Cailtin and Schnookie! Enjoy the 3-day weekend!
Ahhh, cannibals. It’s always something new each day at IB. :D That eminds me of that stand up comic guy that I saw talking about vegetarians/cannibals. He was all, “I don’t get why people say they’re animal lovers and then they go and eat meat. That would be like a cannibal saying he’s a people person. Heh. “
IPB, not IB! Doh!
IPB, not IB! Doh!
BANNED!
NOOOOOOO!!!!!
Awww, I’m sorry Alix! I’m sure they’ll let you back in soon!
Anyway, bed time for la Mags. Have a good afternoon/evening everyone and see you tomorrow!
Ahhh, cannibals. It’s always something new each day at IB.
Gotta keep it fresh.
What up, alix! Hope your weekend is shaping up nicely.
Later Mags, have a good’un.
If there’s anyone around tonight, let me just say, we spoke too soon on the new DirecTV. It was, of course, awesome last night, and, of course, we have no picture at all tonight. So we get to spend our holiday on Monday sitting around waiting for the satellite guy to come and find out what’s wrong. Yay!
OMG! Are you going to be without TV all weekend?
Little advice? Don’t let them try to charge you for the return trip. That’s what they did to me. I finally had to accuse them of fraud before they’d even get the manager on the line.
I’m convinced it’s a bait-and-switch — they install it badly for free, to sell it to you, then they charge you $70 to come “fix” it a week later. I hate thinking that about my beloved DirecTV, but I kind of do.
Thanks for the advice, Patty. I bet you’re right about it being a bait-and-switch, but forewarned is forearmed, right?
And we TOTALLY have TV this weekend because we also have cable, THANK GOD. We’re just being reminded why we didn’t do this mid-season.
I’d believe it, too, Patty. I do love what we get from the satellite, but in the 13 years that we’ve been DirecTv customers, we’ve seen the customer service go waaaaay down.
And the guy who installed the dish yesterday was the first competent DirecTV/Cable installer we’d had in about 8 years. How saddening that he turned out to be just as sucky as all the others.
My third guy for the latest upgrade was really good. He even gave me a sheet of paper with a bunch of phone numbers and his manager’s phone numbers and told me: I’m going to fix it and it’s not going to go out again.
I’d like to appreciate it, but he was the THIRD guy. :D
Still, I’m thrilled you’ve upgraded. Once it’s settled, the frustration will grow smaller in your rear-view mirror.
You’re so right that in the long run, this’ll be but another TV war story that we just laugh about. And really, thank GOD for the cable. We aren’t TV-less for the weekend! WOOOOO!!!!!!!