Stanley Cup Final, Game 5

It could be the last night of the 07-08 NHL season, Gentle Reader. Just as we’re typing that the Cup is in the building, Doc, ever the stickler, points out that the Cup won’t actually be in the building until it looks like the Wings have it in the bag. Wait… Don’t they already? In any event, we’ll be here, updating our thoughts and opinions as the game goes along.

– During the Wings’ early power play in the first, Doc makes his first mention of the evening of how Cleary will be the first Newfoundlander to get his name on the Cup. Boomer: “I bet there are a lot of things that no Newfoundlanders have ever done.”

– Pierre reports that the winning Pennsylvania Lottery ticket today was 7171, and brings us this information with all the gravitas one would normally use when a devastating injury has just happened. “I’m serious,” he insists. Pookie, who spends most playoff years reporting on hilariously convoluted omens and signs she’s seen during the course of her days, says, “He sounds like me talking about that hawk catching a mouse last year that meant the Senators were going to win.”

– After coming back from commercial, Pierre reports from between the benches about the relative invisibility of Petr Sykora in this series. Sykkie is sitting right next to him and watches dumbly as Pierre gesticulates emphatically while reporting that no one’s talking about it, but Sykkie is clearly very injured. He concludes that Sykkie’s a hero, because he’s not complaining about his “upper body” injury. Schnookie: “Yeah, because he’s got you complaining for him.”

– Hossa’s really making himself cheaper by the minute, isn’t he?

– Boomer has had it with the Playoffs and is ready to move on. At the top of the game she vowed this will be the last game she watches this season. As Kronwall shoots the puck perfectly over his own goalie’s shoulder (the goal is credited to Adam Hall), Boomer mutters, “This was not what I was hoping for tonight.”

– Even when not paying attention, Schnookie never gives up the role of angry hockey fan. While doing some research on Lansing, MI for IPB Irregular Myra, she reads off a history of the town from Wikipedia: “Lansing was founded in 1835 when several settlers came from AND SOMEONE NEEDS TO SHOOT THE PUCK, RED WINGS!!! Where was I? Oh yes, settlers from New York State…”

– Pierre interviews Sid Crosby and asks him if he’d like to play more minutes. Sid narrows his eyes and says “Whatever we need to win.” Take that, Pierre! That Sid, what a pro!

– In the pregame banter, Edzo mentions he spoke to MAF that morning who asserted that he would have to be “perfect” this evening. That puck slowly trickling through his five hole was… not perfect. Heh.

– Fleury must read IPB (uh, during games — he’s a good multi-tasker, ok?) because he just shouted “perfect this” on a spectacular save.

– Malone takes a slapper directly to the face in front of the net. Pierre shouts, “He had no option but to take that in the nose.” Except, you know, wearing a fucking visor.

– The Wings tie it up with 13 minutes to work with. The play is a gorgeous tip in front, and surely that will destroy the Penguins’ remaining hopes and dreams. Hey! Just as we type that, NBC gives us a long, slow-motion shot of the Pens bench reacting. Just like with Ralphie Wiggum and the valentine, we’re fairly sure you can see the exact moments when their hearts break.

– After Rafalski puts the Wings up 3-2 midway through the third, is it time to start unpacking the Cup?

– We finally get the money shot of the Cup being taken out of its box. PandoNation feels compelled to point out that the name Jay Pandolfo appears on that beauty twice! EEE!!!

– Well, that was unexpected! With less than a minute left Talbot ties it up sending us to overtime. The Hockey Gods just want Boomer to see as much hockey as she can in her final game of the season. The Joe Louis Arena, for a handful of seconds after the final buzzer, was the quietest place on the planet just then. We predict a quick, painless, no-nonsense OT from Detroit.

– Pierre runs up the stairs to get to the studio set a few minutes after they go to air. Milbury gives him “gentle ribbing” about Pierre’s flushed faced and heavy breathing. Pierre sniffs, “I ran up the stairs and I made it!” Wow, Pierre’s delusional about everything, including the most insignificant of his own accomplishments or lack thereof. This explains a lot.

– It merits mention every time we see a playoff OT, because we worry the NHL isn’t always paying attention — there is nothing in all of sports that’s better than NHL playoff OT. NOTHING. And that first OT? Was a prime example of it.

– Being Devils fans we can’t help but snicker at Pierre’s report that Petr Sykora tapped the glass and told him “I’m going to score”. Pierre, we’re pretty sure he said, “I”m really sore” as a prelude to taking himself out of the big game when the going gets tough.

– Ah, another OT intermission, also known as “nap time”. Wake us up when the hockey starts again, okay?

– Pookie declared during that intermission that she’s got at least two more periods of hockey left in her. Then, when we returned to see the teams on the benches, a lingering shot of Dallas Drake on the Detroit bench makes her say, “Oh no. I just thought that was Dave Andreychuk. I think that’s a sign that I don’t have two more OTs in me.”

UPDATE:

– Oh for FUCK’S SAKE. Petr Sykora? The Red Wings owe us HUGELY for having sat through this crap. Seriously, Petr Sykora. That’s just shameful.

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