This is the 18th in our summer series in which we are drawing hockey cards at random from a box and writing about them.
Gentle Reader, we made a shocking discovery yesterday. If you Google “Travis Zajac” the first image that pops up before the web results is our Hopeful Forecast For Travis Zajac’s Sophomore Season (yeah, that turned out well). This led us to digging deeper to see what other little Travis gems we might drum up. The result was this hilarious story. Jeecsy , an autograph hound, mailed a card to Travis’s family’s home, asking for an autograph. The letter that came in return, which we can only hope was written by Travis’s mother (surely Lou weeds out the ones with girlie handwriting before even considering drafting them — unless he specifically seeks out the ones with girlie handwriting so he can better spread rumors at the draft that they’re transgendered… But we digress), apologized, “Don’t know what happened to your Sharpie”. The hound bemusedly pointed out that he didn’t send a Sharpie. This led us to some speculating. Does Travis send a Sharpie with everything he mails? Phone bills, mortgage payments, birthday cards, each with a single Sharpie carefully tucked in the envelope, thus leading him to assume that everyone else also does the same? Did some embarrassing fate befall the Sharpie some other hound sent (the family dog eating it, perhaps?) so that Mama Travis was overcompensating, protesting too much that she knows not what happened to it? Is there some other “through the mail” autograph hound out there irrationally hating Travis for evermore because he believes Travis did steal the Sharpie he sent without offering an apology? The possibilities are endless!
So it was with a chuckle that we drew this card this evening:
It may not convey entirely in this scan, but this card features a sporty and sparkly engraved autograph. We can only hope that Sami Salo responds to every autograph request with, “Don’t know what happened to your Sharpie — I only sign in laser glitter pen.”
Happy 4th of July, IPB!
Guess who’s back in the country!
That’s way too funny about Travis and the Sharpie, although, as a true Waldorf kid, I’m sure he prefers signing autographs with his block crayons.
Gambler! Welcome back! How does it feel to be back in the old U S of A? (And yes, Travis hates signing with a block crayon. In fact, little kids all over NJ have heard his “can’t sign without a fucking crayon” more times than they ever should!)
I knew the world felt right again! Welcome back, Gambler!! Is it good to be back in the US of A?
In fact, little kids all over NJ have heard his “can’t sign without a fucking crayon” more times than they ever should!
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: The worst part is when kids then produce their crayolas, and Travis glares murderously and snarls, “I said a fucking crayon, kid. What the fuck is that shit?”
(I am SORELY tempted to get a box of block crayons myself. Those might just be the coolest thing I’ve ever seen.)
Welcome back, Gambler! The whole U S of A is celebrating your return today! I even got a day off from work!
I’ve never sent something to be autographed. Is it something you’re supposed to do? Send a Sharpie? Weird. :D
I can’t figure out why someone would like it’s cool to send something to a player’s home or family’s home. I understand sending stuff to the player c/o of the team, but how bizarre would it be to be Travis’s mum and be like, “Bills, bills, junk mail, letter from Little Timmy at summer camp, bills, more mail for Trav to autograph, bills…”
I’ve written fan letters (we were conducting an experiment by writing to a d-man, a forward, and a goalie on each team, to see which position was most friendly :D), and we didn’t even send shit to be signed, let alone a sharpie/block crayon. We just wrote “You’re the best!” letters, and almost everyone sent us autographed cards/photos in response. So… no. I don’t think you’re supposed to send a sharpie. Travis is such a nitwit.
Thanks for the welcomes, everybody! I totally miss Europe already, but it’s good being back. I’m actually at my sister’s place in NYC, so I’m not even home yet. But people are speaking English all around me, and it’s weird.
I am SORELY tempted to get a box of block crayons myself. Those might just be the coolest thing I’ve ever seen.
I still have my old set from Waldorf kicking around somewhere, but I’m so out of practice that I can’t really do anything with them. I give Travis a lot of credit, because they’re a bitch to write with, particularly when the corners get worn down. They’re really nice for shading, though, and doing dreamy colorscapes, which is really what Waldorf is all about.
There’s nothing Travis loves more than a dreamy colorscape!
Dreamy Colorscape is Travis’s middle name.
There’s nothing Travis loves more than a dreamy colorscape!
He certainly loves them more than acorns, if this season is anything to go by.
Ouch! Ouch, but true.
Oooooh, BURN! Damn! Europe’s made you mean, Gambler! :P (Okay, so you speak the truth. But still! Travis is a Waldorf kid! He’s sensitive! And he understands that everyone contributes in different ways, not all of them “goal scoring”.)
I didn’t mean for it to be mean, honest! Travis is my favorite Devil (based pretty much solely on this whole “Waldorf kid”
mythologytruth), and I have faith that he can turn it around. I just meant that sometimes it’s just not the time to collect acorns. Sometimes it’s time to collect the dreamy colorscapes of being defensively responsible. (Um, is that what Travis is good at? I have no idea.)Sometimes it’s time to collect the dreamy colorscapes of being defensively responsible.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: That’s the ticket! (And I’m just giving you a hard time — you weren’t being mean at all. :D)
(Um, is that what Travis is good at? I have no idea.)
After this year no one knows what Travis is good at.
Just kidding. He’s definitely more about the defensive side of things.
If only he could turn his block crayon expertise into a palatable hockey skill…
Just kidding. He’s definitely more about the defensive side of things.
Well, obviously! He’s a Devil! (Um, a Devil whose name doesn’t rhyme with Blott Blomez, I should say.)
Ola IPB and Gambler! Happy 4th of July! Having a good day I hope!
(Um, a Devil whose name doesn’t rhyme with Blott Blomez, I should say.)
There is no Devil whose name rhymes with that! :P
Um, a Devil whose name doesn’t rhyme with Blott Blomez, I should say.
Huh? Tott Homez? Never heard of the man.
I know, Schnookie. I was just trying to avoid the trap of assuming that everyone who has ever played for the Devils is automatically good at defense.
My sister and I are watching the most ridiculous episode of Family Feud right now. As an example (you might appreciate this, Mags) they just accepted “Heineken” as the number one answer for drinks associated with Ireland.
they just accepted “Heineken” as the number one answer for drinks associated with Ireland.
Bwuahahahahaha. Oh man, that’s hilarious.
Btw Gambler, I’m glad you’ve managed to make it back to the US in one piece :)
That’s INSANE, Gambler! We just watched a MacGyver episode that beamed DIRECTLY from Planet Crack.
Happy 4th of July, you crazy Americans!
If we’re talking about what we just watched, I just had an episode of Criminal Minds on that was WAY whacked.
Did we trade for Bernier? Or am I just hearing things?
Other notable answers on this weird episode were “a drunk” for the number one answer to things that kill a party (did they survey 100 Mormons, or something?), and “a brothel” for a place a cheating husband wouldn’t want to use his credit card (I didn’t know they even took credit cards). What the hell?
Okay, my family’s here so I’m going to go hang. Enjoy the holiday, everybody!
Did we trade for Bernier?
Big Bear?! No! I never even got the chance to know him!
The brothel I run only takes credit cards. No cash. Ever. The serial numbers are too traceable.
And have fun with the fam, Gambler! Good to have you back!
Have fun, Gambler!
“Bills, bills, junk mail, letter from Little Timmy at summer camp, bills, more mail for Trav to autograph, bills…”
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
By the way, I don’t think y’all are actually crazy.
Sure, sure alix. Sure, sure.
The Sabres made another trade with the Sharks. For Craig Rivet.
With every new free agent development, I’m reminded of how little attention I pay to 90% of the non-Stars players in the league. I think he’s a good guy to have, but I also think I have no idea.
Patty, this is why I want to do the WC fantasy team thing again this season. I totally know that Rivet is relatively good, thanks to the Pan Boxers! Otherwise, I’d think he was still in Montreal.
Hey guys, just popping in for a rare weekend (technically) appearance to say holy shit, the Sharks are on fire!
Sabres fans who may be unfamiliar wiith him….you are going to loooove Craig Rivet. He doesn’t score a lot, but he is a bad ass. He fights and hits and he’s a fantastic leader in the lockerroom. Buffalo did a great job in picking him up. I would have been pissed to see him leave SJ for any other location. (I know I always say that, but I really mean it this time!)
alix, treat Big Bear nicely. He’s a good kid.
And Happy 4th everyone! Good to have you back Gambler! See you all later!
Bye!
Rivet is a beast.
I’m pumped about Bernier. He replaces some of the Hot Bitch quotient we lost with Nazzy, and he might be able to ride shotgun with the Sedins. I’m still not ruling out a lottery ball in the Canucks future, but at least Gillis did something.
I love Bernier already, Andrew. And he can speak french with Burr and Lui and AV.
See ya later!
Happy 4th, andrew! Thanks for stopping by with a Rivet scouting report!
alix, I’m so glad you’re loving Bernier! :D
Thanks, Schnookie. Bernier is like a bright shining star in this otherwise horribly depressing week.
Happy July 4 to everyone :D bye andrew! and, welcome back Gambler :0!!
haha wow the sharks are busy … way too steep a price for boyle methinks, but yay for the Canucks and the Sabres!
[if it helps alix, I had Bernier on the Invinnycibles. He was quite decent as a rookie RW when he got the icetime :D]
burnside on ESPN hockey is reporting that jagr has signed for either two or three years with omsk in the russian league…scrollling down i didn’t see anyone reporting this here…
and TSN sez that dan boyle has waived his ‘no trade’ and has been traded to san jose
now as long as sundin doesn’t somehow sign with the rags i’m ready for next season :-))
Thanks for the updates, don!
i know that signing sundin would put the rangers over the cap limits, but what is to prevent sather from arranging to have a couple of underachieving players ‘disappear’ up in cottage country to give them enough room to sign sundin?…or to have them
‘kneecapped’ and put on the long term injured list?…hmmmm?
don, I think you’re on to something! Suddenly all these young players are showing up at an abandoned fishing lodge saying confusedly to each other, “Why am I here? invited me!”
but what is to prevent sather from arranging to have a couple of underachieving players ‘disappear’ up in cottage country to give them enough room to sign sundin?
Oooh! I hope he doesn’t read IPB (for a variety of reasons) — that sounds JUST like something Slats would do!
i can deal with the fact that the devils still aren’t going to be good enough to play in the cup finals, but i can’t get over the way they were humiliated all season by the rangers…they at least have to be improved enough to avoid a repeat of that…lol
Happy America’s Birthday to everyone on IPB!
I have to ask…what are box crayons?
I just got back from a family picnic where I was severely biting my tongue when one of my uncles was insisting the Sabres weren’t going to re-sign Crunchy, because Crunchy doesn’t see a commitment to winning from the team. Today’s trades did nothing to discourage him of that notion.
they at least have to be improved enough to avoid a repeat of that
Word, don. Word. And if the Devils can’t get better, then pleasepleaseplease let the Rangers get worse. :P
Amy, I think I would lose my mind listening to that! You’re a better man than I. :D
(We have been working all day on making various foodstuffs — cookies, posole verde, smoked fruity pork tenderloin, corn muffins — and I am now completely and utterly exhausted. And stuffed. I think this is what Independence Day is supposed to be all about, right?)
schnookie is IPB manor a secret experimental todd english restaurant?…lol
Hee! We were rocking HARD today with the foodstuffs. I just had to brag. :D (Normally there’s a lot more frozen pizza going on around here. Right now all three of us are lolling around wondering why we worked so hard. We’re all too pooped to even draw a card for a post for tonight.)
All those foodstuffs sound delicious! Our picnic was hot roast beef sandwiches, cheezy potatoes, baked beans and fruit salad with chocolate chip cookies for dessert. I’m watching fireworks on TV right now, since I am in no mood to go fight with actual people for a good seat at a display.
Sounds like a pretty awesome picnic, Amy! We’re watching swimming on TiVo delay instead of fireworks.
Amy, that sounds SO GOOD! I am especially jealous of the baked beans. And the cheezy potatoes. And the fruit salad. And the choco chip cookies, come to think of it. I love BBQ food! And I don’t blame you for watching fireworks on TV. I’ve seen them once in person (just Princeton’s fireworks — not some big deal fireworks show), and I was like, “Wait, so I spend hours jostling with crowds of people when it’s hot and humid out, and I’m dealing with bugs? I could have just watched on TV in my pajamas!” (We tivoed the swimming and we’re just watching it now.)
Like that Pookie and I both thought it was worth mentioning that we’re watching the swimming now? Hey guys! We’re watching the swimming! Just in case you were wondering.
I figure I’m off the hook for fireworks because I’ve gone to the fireworks on the Mall in DC. That was like a lifetime’s worth of jostling with people for a seat just to see fireworks. (It was actually really fun.)
I always thought it was cool that KtG could see the Mall fireworks from her front lawn in Fairfax, VA. Stately IPB Manor backs up to an expanse of protected woodland that itself backs up to a big park. I think they were having fireworks in the park last night, because I could hear them, but it was a huge bummer that we couldn’t see them.
Pookie, remember being able to see Phoenix’s 2000 New Years fireworks from Dorothy Jane’s backyard? I seem to recall that if we stood on the diving board facing away from the pool we could just see them over the palm trees.
Oh, I forgotten all about the Phoenix fireworks!
I was surprised that the ones on the Mall included ones that exploded to reveal smiley faces and peace signs. I figured it would be staid, traditional displays.
I’m not a big fan of the smiley face fireworks. I’m old school. :P
Yeah, I thought they weren’t very dignified.
At the Canada Day fireworks, they had marijuana leaf shaped ones. :D
Dang! I keep forgetting swimming is on!
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::
There’s more swimming tomorrow, I think. Probably at 8 pm EST.
Ookies, we’ve learned today that Versus is developing three studio shows.
Maybe one can be devoted to showing penalty calls during Versus games!
Holy Cats! There’s no Trautwig on the Tour de France broadcasts! Can it be? A summer without Al gumming up the works? Will Bob Roll get more gap toothed TV time?? It’s an Al Trautwig-free Christmas in July! Huzzah! Huzzah to all!!!
It’s an Al Trautwig-free Christmas in July!
AAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! That’s the best any of us can wish for, right? How MARVELOUS! (I actually don’t watch the Tour de France, even though Lance Armstrong is a celebrity spokesman for my pharmaceutical-company employer; we joke that if you dredged the bottom of one of the ponds on our campus, you’d probably find whatever it is he doped with. Not that I’m saying he’s a doper. Or, um, anything… :P) Is Al saving his pipes for the cross-country skiing, because he doesn’t realize there isn’t any in the summer Olympics?
Schnookie, he calls gymnastics equally ineffectively at the Summer games.