This is the 29th in our summer series in which we are drawing hockey cards at random from a box and then writing about them.
10 Things We Don’t Know About Henrik Zetterberg
1. Can he swim?
2. Does he realize how dorky his little partly-zippered inseams look on this hockey card?
3. Does he not zip up his scuba suit the entire way when he’s swimming?
4. Does he realize his autograph looks like “HaZe”?
5. Does he think HaZe is a cool-sounding name for someone who wears their shorts and scuba suits daringly unzipped?
6. Does he have a giant, diamond-crusted platinum pendant spelling out “HaZe” nestled in his chest hair that he exposes thanks to his unzipped scuba suit?
7. Does he have a giant, diamond-crusted platinum pendant spelling out “HaZe” nestled in his thigh hair that he exposes thanks to his unzipped breezers?
8. Do the pendants rust and tarnish when he swims/skates?
9. Is there any chance the Red Wings would let us ask HaZe these questions in any official, “Press”-y capacity?
10. Thank goodness the answer to the above is “no”, because we don’t want to think any more about HaZe’s thigh hair. Nor do we want to see it. Because he would totally want to show it to us, and we suspect, despite thinking he was a hottie during the Wings’ Stanley Cup run, that he was a classic case of a “playoff only”. No thanks, HaZe. Zip up your breezers and keep your thigh hair to yourself.