It was brought to our attention today by Greg Wyshynski over at Puck Daddy that one Derek Felksa, apparently a scientist of hockey fandom, has ranked all 30 fanbases in the NHL, from “worst” to “best”, using an infallibly objective numerical system. Because he’s a man of science, Felksa’s process is unimpeachable, and, since the results have been published, that means they’re replicable as well. We work in the sciences (or rather, Schnookie works with scientists), so we know how these things work. So we can’t argue with a process that looks at hard numbers like “attendance average for the last three seasons”, “observations of fan activity during games” and “observations of fan activity on message boards and blogs”, all quantified on the statistician’s best friend, “a scale from 1 to 10, with 10 being outstanding or perfect and 0 being very poor”. The methodology is flawless, and the results unassailably reliable. Numbers don’t lie, Gentle Reader, and the sad news is that the Devils fanbase has now been proven, in cold, hard factual style, the worst in the entire NHL.
It is always shocking to be confronted by statistics like this, but rather than having some kind of hysterical “kill the messenger” response here, we’ve got to man up. So to speak. The fact is, Devils fans suck. Or, as our favorite personalized Rangers sweater we ever saw at a game at the Meadowlands said, Devil’s fans suck. (Schnookie: “That’s not necessarily grammatically incorrect. I mean, imagine the headline: ‘Devil’s fans suck. Car overheats’.” That’s most likely what that guy meant, but we digress.) And the reason why they suck? Us. That’s right, Gentle Reader — it’s all our fault.
Let’s assess our culpability now, shall we? Starting at the beginning, with attendance. This blog stands as a monument to our willful refusal to attend games in person. We actually brag in this space about how we don’t go to games, indulging all our worst impulses by insisting on sitting in front of our TV, wearing pajamas, during every home game rather than supporting our team like real fans. Sure, we talk a big game about how it’s so far to go for games, how Pookie works so distantly south that she’s physically not capable of making it to Newark for 7:00 starts on weeknights, how we just don’t have the energy or werewithal to commit to making a 4-hour round trip for a 3-hour game on any kind of regular basis. But you know what? Attendance is based on ticket sales. We could boost the Devils’ attendance figures (and remember, numbers don’t lie) without ever having to get up off our couch or put on real clothes if we just buy tickets. We don’t have to actually use them, do we?
That leads to the next point, about how expensive Devils tickets are. We aren’t keen on traveling 4 hours round-trip to sit in the nosebleeds, which are the only seats we can afford on any kind of regular basis in the new, pricey Prudential Center. But since we’ve already established that we’re not buying our tickets to use, but rather to pad the attendance stats, that should be neither here nor there. There’s an easy way we can help the team’s rankings, and we’ve been dropping the ball. It’s all our fault.
Dr. Felksa’s second statistical measure is the observed fan activity at games. On the rare occasions that we do live up to our responsibilities as fans and attend games in person, we are clearly behaving underwhelmingly. We do things like “wearing Devils sweaters” and “cheering when the Devils score” and “voicing our displeasure when the play does not go the Devils’ way” and “shouting ‘SUCKS!’ after each name announced in the other team’s starting lineup”. And that’s it. How pathetic. For starters, only sweaters? Where are our Devils hats? And sweatshirts? And tube socks? And tattoos? And facepaint? We might as well be attending the opera for the way we dress. And what’s with the understated cheering? We’re never going to rate above a 1 out of 10 at that rate. Dr. Felksa has accumulated volumes of careful field observation of every fanbase in action, and he’s seen us. We didn’t throw beers on opposing fans, or hurl garbage on the ice after tough losses, or generally elevate our natural levels of douchebaggery to appropriately fervent levels. Seriously, we didn’t even riot after the first round of the playoffs the way the NHL’s best fanbase did! Sure, some people might say that losing in 5 to the Rangers didn’t afford us the opportunity to riot, but a good craftsman never blames her tools. Nor does a good fan blame her team. It’s all our fault.
Finally we get to the observed Devils-fan presence in the blogosphere and on message boards. It’s no secret that we don’t participate on message boards, and consequently have been willfully refusing to rectify the total vacuum of Devils fans there. And as for the world of Devils blogs (we like to call it the “Diablogosphere”, even though it’s just a figment of our imaginations), this rating of just 3 out of 10 falls squarely on us. In fact, we can’t help but take it as a personal failing grade. And yes, it’s true — at this time last year we weren’t just posting every day, we were posting two-a-days. But this summer we’ve only been posting every other day. Thereby causing the composite internet presence of the New Jersey Devils fanbase to plummet. There is only one conclusion a learned man like Dr. Felksa can draw from this: Devils fans are abject failures. If we’d only been posting more frequently, the Devils could surely have surpassed the Panthers’ fanbase on this list. It’s all our fault.
Gentle Reader, we are duly chastened. Fortunately, all is not lost. There is a new season fast approaching, a blank slate, a chance for us to redeem ourselves. This shocking exposure of our fandom foibles is actually a good thing, and we have to thank Dr. Felksa for bringing our shortcomings to our attention now, instead of when it’s too late. We’re in a bad place right now, but there is hope. A little face paint, some flipped police cars, and 10,000 more words a day written on the interwebs should be enough to drag ourselves out of the basement. You have our somber word that we’ll do everything in our power to right the wrongs we’ve done.
I’m really glad you guys finally manned up here. I mean, it IS all your fault. Your fault personally. Like, you know how global warming is your fault because you threw away that one Diet Coke can that one time? This is like that. All your fault.
*sobs uncontrollably* I can change! I promise! Please, forgive me!
It’s like that, but WORSE. This is WAY worse than global warming.
…and you know how Dr. Felska’s articles about this issue are really kind of dumb and annoying? That’s his fault.
No, Katebits, the dumb and annoying is all YOUR fault. Dr. Felksa is a man of science. He’s just presenting the facts, you know. It’s not his fault that you think he’s dumb and annoying.
Katebits, on a scale of 1 to 10, where 0 is despicable and 10 is kick-ass awesome, your saying Dr. Felska is dumb and annoying ranks a -100 — you didn’t say it enthusiastically, you didn’t shell out enough money while writing it, and you certainly have zero blogability. It’s time you learned.
Sigh. You’re right, Pookie. “Observation of Katebits while she’s sitting at her desk, reading blogs” definitely shows I rank low on Dr. Fleska’s scale.
We should all start some kind of self-improvement workout regime. Obviously we’re all getting flabby in our bloggerliness and fandom.
My first step towards being a better fan is to set my laptop on fire and over-turn it.
You’re so smart, Pookie. I was just going to start wearing Toshiba facepaint.
A little face paint, some flipped police cars, and 10,000 more words a day written on the interwebs should be enough to drag ourselves out of the basement. You have our somber word that we’ll do everything in our power to right the wrongs we’ve done.
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Hilarious. I can see you rampaging through Jersey decked out in Devils swag, brandishing torches and tomahawks. It’ll be like a scene out of The Patriot!
And morning, IPB!
So we’re bad fans. Meh. I like being the loathed of the league. I love how the markets that fill the building but are saddled with dog and pony show ownership (I’m looking at you Leafs Nation) get so annoyed that such a well run/ winning franchise has such low turn out for games.
It’ll be like a scene out of The Patriot!
Hells yeah! Only with more homophobia, and at least seven or eighth ours longer, because The Patriot totally wasn’t long enough or homophobic enough. :P
Good morning, everyone! I’m in a great mood because I took The General on my walk this morning. I gave myself an extra hour for dawdling, and ended up taking 150 pictures. I bet they all suck, but it was a good time.
I love how the markets that fill the building but are saddled with dog and pony show ownership (I’m looking at you Leafs Nation) get so annoyed that such a well run/ winning franchise has such low turn out for games.
Heh. It’s true — the “Oh, does this annoy you, Leafs Nation? Do we get your goat? Hm? Do we? Huh? Huh? Do we?” aspect of being a Devils fan is fun.
To be perfectly honest about this particular approach to rating fanbases (which is, no question, utterly moronic), what pisses me off is that you can rail all you want against the way the Devils are supported in their market, and say whatever you want about the numbers of Devils fans. But to say that Devils fans don’t behave “fannishly” at games? And have no internet presence? That’s just lazy and idiotic. There might not be many (or any) casual Devils fans in the world, but what that means is that every single person who does call themselves a Devils fan is passionate and knowledgable. It wasn’t too long ago that the Devils had the largest official fan club in the NHL (and they still might — I have no idea). We might not fill the building, but the people who cheer for this team cheer ALL-OUT. And, um, that’s my rant for today. Thanks for listening.
Only with more homophobia, and at least seven or eighth ours longer, because The Patriot totally wasn’t long enough or homophobic enough. :P
Or anti-British enough. Don’t forget to burn down the church on your way the Devils arena, Colonel McSchnookington!
Yay for taking the General out! (I bet your pictures will ROCK!) I got like, nine hours of sleep last night because I fell asleep at 7:30. Erm…oh well.
Don’t forget to burn down the church on your way the Devils arena, Colonel McSchnookington!
*Minces feyly around, cackling with British, sexually-ambiguous glee*
I got like, nine hours of sleep last night because I fell asleep at 7:30.
Dude, I stupidly stayed up until after 1:00 watching Murder, She Wrote. Then got up at 7 so I could take an extra-long time walking. I foresee crashing HARD in a few hours. I need my beauty sleep! (So I can mince feyly around, looking sexually-ambiguous and British.)
Morgan, I love that too! Although I do get a tiny bit annoyed when shit like this comes up because it seems so personal. I want to go to every single person who bitches about low-attendance at Devils games, and I want to force them to have season tickets living in my shoes. I want them to realize how expensive it is — not just for the tickets but for the gas money to drive to the train, and then the train ticket which only gets more expensive every year — and I want them to realize how long it takes to get to Newark from Central Jersey. I want them to get out of the arena after the game but miss the next train so they have to wait an hour — in Newark — for another one. I want them to leave the house at 5 and not get home until 11:30 or later and I want them not to eat during that time because arena food is too expensive and the lines too long to get any sustenance without missing part of the game. I want them to realize that New Jersey is a huge, huge state with people who live all distances from the arena. I want them realize how much the NY and Philly teams occupy media interest all across the state. I want them to see how expensive living in New Jersey is, and how there are people from all walks of life here — people who can afford property taxes here, or gas prices, or food prices — but who can’t then plunk down the money for tickets. I want them to see that the Devils have only been here for a fraction of the time the Leafs have been in Toronto. I want them to see it’s a team meant for a state, not a city.
(And if any one jumps on here with that old, “But they sell $10 for every game!” just don’t even try it. We’ve been over that before.)
I want them to see it’s a team meant for a state, not a city.
This is a really, really key thing with the Devils, I think.
But to say that Devils fans don’t behave “fannishly” at games?
Listen, any fanbase that has “Hey fans, time to cheer! Your team is now on the power play!” has got to be ranked lower than us — Avalanche. I’ve been to a lot of other arenas for a lot of other teams home games, and I swear, I’ve never heard a fanbase as dedicated to cheering clears on the PK than us. That’s got to count for something! :D
Also, Dr. Felska, PhD, Md, is probably basing this on the asinine comment that the building was too quiet after the Cup in 2003.
This is a really, really key thing with the Devils, I think.
Isn’t it, though? We’re what, 50 miles from the arena? Are people expecting fans who live 50 miles south of Buffalo to get Sabres tickets on a regular basis? Are people expecting fans who live 50 miles west of St. Louis to get Blues tickets on a regular basis?
Dude, I stupidly stayed up until after 1:00 watching Murder, She Wrote. Then got up at 7 so I could take an extra-long time walking. I foresee crashing HARD in a few hours. I need my beauty sleep! (So I can mince feyly around, looking sexually-ambiguous and British.)
It’s okay, I think the attendant has to sharpen your sabre, or something, so like you’d have anything to do besides sleep anyways. :D
Hee, I meant to do about fifty-seven things last night and obviously never got around to them. I feel pretty well rested now, so while you’re crashing, I’m going to be pulling a Martha Stewart, freakishly reorganizing.
And woo, Pookie! You tell them!
To be fair, Pookie, there are many people closer than 50 miles to the arena that don’t go to Devils games. :P
Morning all!
Pookie, I think the fact that you guys have a Devils-centric blog makes up for the fact that you don’t go to the games.
To be fair, Pookie, there are many people closer than 50 miles to the arena that don’t go to Devils games. :P
I know, I know. The area around Newark is the most densely populated place on the planet. It’s just densely populated with people who don’t have the disposable income to go to Devils games often!
I’ll stop complaining about this now, I promise.
In more exciting news, I finally backed up our blog files and all the pictures I’ve taken since May onto an external hard drive! Me so productive and responsible!
Where would I be without you, Pookie? I’d be running a terrible risk of losing my blogs and photographs FOREVER!
Thanks for the rants Ookies! I just want to add that the Devils attendance will always lag behind the Rangers and Devils because the Devils will not have the corporate support to eat up the extra seats. I am sure that the Devils are pretty close when it comes to regular fans signing up for season tickets when compared to the Rangers and Flyers, but NJ do not and will not get as many companies to pick up the seats than New York or Phillie do/will. Also I think do to ease of travel, seats that are picked up by companies are used more often in Phillie and New York than in New Jersey, although that may improve with the move from the Gates of Moria to Newark.
Lastly (and I will drop it here as well), I think that too many times “being a good fan” is being equated to “drunken asshole” when assessing fan support at a game. Devils fans are passionate, but mostly don’t cross lines of common sense and for this we get labeled dull, while the drunken jackels that make up the Flyers and Rangers fanbase are “spirited”.
You make a great point about the corporate support, Morgan. And an even better point about “drunken assholery” being equated with “good fandom”.
And an even better point about “drunken assholery” being equated with “good fandom”.
Indeed. You know, I didn’t realize that the multiple New York Times articles about Rangers fans in the last year were really calling them “good fans.” If only I’d understood!
I didn’t realize that the multiple New York Times articles about Rangers fans in the last year were really calling them “good fans.” If only I’d understood!
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: It’s true, though Meg. All that chanting of “Homo Larry” is the mark of a fine, fine fanbase.
his ‘scientific’ method of determining the ‘best’ and ‘worst’ fan bases proves once and for all that derek felska missed his true calling in life and instead of being a high school teacher/coach he should have totally devoted himself to science and the scientific method, by this time he could have been the USA’s premier phrenologist
I think that too many times “being a good fan” is being equated to “drunken asshole” when assessing fan support at a game.
So true! We always get shots of the frat-types with face paint and beers shouting WWOOOOO! at the news camera as if that’s proof.
Stars fans are good penalty-kill-clear cheerers, too. And I think that’s very laudable. We get flak for only cheering when something happens. I think we cheer more than that, but we do get quiet when NOTHING is happening. We’re supposed to be more like Calgary, I guess, with the infuriating and constant horn up in the stands. It drives me crazy just from the 4 games we play against them, I shudder to think what 82 games would be like. I might fly up there just to punch that guy.
I might fly up there just to punch that guy.
Good for you, Patty. Good for you.
RE: Dr Felksa, hockey scientist. My dear man, you are wrong. In my opinion your method of research did not go through the proper cycles, and ergo any conclusions you draw at the conclusion of your “research” are by default corrupt. You simply tortured the data and in the end, it confessed.
And now I feel better.
I might fly up there just to punch that guy.
Don’t do that! We don’t need you locked up in a Canadian hoosegow.
I love when 18,000+ plus people unite as one to cheer. Whether its a “lets go Buffalo” or a goal count, its so cool to hear many people come together to act as one voice.
You simply tortured the data and in the end, it confessed.
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I love when 18,000+ plus people unite as one to cheer.
Me too! I love when everybody spontaneously starts chanting, “MAAR-tee! MAAR-tee! MAAR-tee!”
I love when everybody spontaneously starts chanting, “MAAR-tee! MAAR-tee! MAAR-tee!”
I used to love the “Emmmmmry, Emmmmry” chants. Those were just fun.
I used to love the “Emmmmmry, Emmmmry” chants. Those were just fun.
We returned the love with “Milllllllllleer, Milllllllleerrr”…even when it wasn’t appropriate.
by this time he could have been the USA’s premier phrenologist
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
*GASP*
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! don, I am humbled. :D
You simply tortured the data and in the end, it confessed.
Mags, see above! I go away to lunch, and come back to find y’all are on fire! :D
(And Patty, that constant horn-blowing guy deserves to be punched. I’m sure the authorities would consider you a hero if you flew up to Canada to take care of that.)
by this time he could have been the USA’s premier phrenologist
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I could not have said it better myself!
You simply tortured the data and in the end, it confessed.
Nice, Mags!
I still think “Hextall” and “Cujo” are the most musical names for chanting derisively. Those names were made for derisive cheering.
still think “Hextall” and “Cujo” are the most musical names for chanting derisively. Those names were made for derisive cheering.
Good thing we still have Cujo to hurl our jeers at!
Actually, I saw Cujo at a Jays game I went to. I think I was the only one booing when they showed him on the big screen and the guys behind me looked like they were about to beat me up.
I love when 18,000+ plus people unite as one to cheer.
Yup. One of the best feeling out there. Except when you’re not one of them, that’s not a good feeling (imho). Maybe it is better described as powerful feeling, hmm?
I am humbled. :D
I am humbled by your humility :)
Hey, I feel your pain Ookies. I so want to get partial season tickets but I don’t know if I can turn loose of that much money after being married to Hub for so long. It’s crazy expensive.
Shout out to Stars fans, Stu Barnes is supposed to be on The Ticket at around 2:15. I think. Stuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!!!!
Heh, Myra, we use the expense as an excuse. The fact is, after having full season tickets for the better parts of five seasons, and going to probably 97% of those games, we would be fine to never drag ourselves to a home game ever again. It’s a looooong way to go, and we’re not getting any younger. :P
Yeah, the whole “having two-and-a-half hours for other things before and after the game” is super nice. We’d never be able to blog if we still had season tickets!
It’s a looooong way to go, and we’re not getting any younger. :P
Certainly not with THAT attitude!
(Stupid job. Missed Stu. I’ll have to watch for the clip on the Stars site.)
We’d never be able to blog if we still had season tickets!
Well, then. You should NOT get season tickets. (In Fronken-steen voice.)
Patty, :^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Do you also say “Froooohdrick?”
Certainly not with THAT attitude!
Damn straight! You think it’s easy being a cranky old lady before my time? It’s a lot of work!
Do you also say “Froooohdrick?”
Hee!
I should be pleased that the Canucks were fourth, but Derek Felksa is the biggest wanker of a blogger I’ve ever seen. Immediatly after Luc Bourdon’s death, he wrote this diatribe about how horrible the Canucks organization was for not sending EVERY SINGLE team member/management member to his funeral. And how we’re disgusting and Canucks fans should be ashamed. Never mind that Luc’s family specifically asked that only a few guys show up from the team because they didn’t want a media circus. Nevermind that half the team lives in Europe during the off season and can’t get there at the drop of a hat. Ahhhhh. I don’t think I’ve ever been so mad reading something sports related. That was a bit of a rant :D But all I meant to say was there’s no way you Devils fans should take that nincompoop’s “mathamatically” asinine opinion to heart.
On a scale of 1 to 10, I hereby dub the renaming of the Devilsblogosphere as “Diablogosphere” a 10834.9.
We may be the worst fans, but we now have the coolest name. All 12 of us demure, uninterested, snobby Devils fans.
Aww, thanks alix! Dr. Felksa really is a total ass, isn’t he? I’m glad (?) to hear that we’re not the only fanbase he’s been a douche to.
We may be the worst fans, but we now have the coolest name. All 12 of us demure, uninterested, snobby Devils fans.
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: And I knew we could count on you, Josh, to help further the widespread acceptance of “Diablogosphere”!
alix, that totally sucks. Dr. Felska has a PhD is assery.
Josh, the Diablogosphere is the best source for pucky information on the interwebs!
Josh, the Diablogosphere is the best source for pucky information on the interwebs!
That’s it, Pookie! I was struggling to understand Dr. Felska’s methodology and findings, and I think you just hit it! Dr. Felska didn’t take into account Pucky-fandom! We might be the worst hockey fans in the history of professional organized sportage, but when it comes to Pucky-loving? No one tops the Devils, or the Diablogosphere!
We might be the worst hockey fans in the history of professional organized sportage, but when it comes to Pucky-loving? No one tops the Devils, or the Diablogosphere!
Exactly! We are the puckiest Pucky fans around. I’d like to see Canadiens fans just try to top us.
So far I have only the first paragraph, but yes, it is your fault. :P
And despite the fact that I have been playing PS3 games all night while consuming many alcoholic beverages (causing me to leave out words in the precious comment, and make this comment an extremely long run-on sentence), after reading the whole post, I still think that it is all your fault.
Precious/previous…same thing. ;)
Damn, I’m not helping one bit, am I?
Frisby, thanks for weighing in. Those comments were enormously precious and dear to us! :P