In a recent “Audio Spotlight” segment on the Devils website (other teams’ websites feature some crazy thing called “video” but we have no idea what that means; someday the Devils will advance beyond recording the players on wax tablets for us to listen to by our firesides), Zach Parise was complimented on his line’s performance this pre-season. Parise’s response was to say that their play has been “like the Zach-Travis-and-Jamie line of 2006″. Yes, that’s right, you heard us, Zach referred to his own line as the “Zach-Travis-and-Jamie Line”. (And yes, you’re right, Gentle Reader, Zach is the gift that keeps on giving.) As ridiculous as this sounds, though, we do have evidence that suggests it could be a lot worse. We sent Rollie The Super Spy Cat into Boxworthy’s club, disguised as an animal-of-affairs (we stuck Schnookie’s weekly grocery list under her collar to make her look like a personal shopper and kept our fingers crossed that Boxworthy would be drunk enough on sherry to fall for it), and instructed her to read any papers the turtle might have on him. We hit paydirt. The following is a list, originally written in Zach’s handwriting, of potential names for the Parise-Zajac-Langenbrunner Line:
– Zach and the Zachettes
– Zach-Zacher-Zachier
– ZZ Zachs
– Zach is Awesome, Cool, and Hott, or “The ZACH line”
– Zach and Those Other Guys
– The Which Of These Forwards Had A Career Year Last Season And Which Ones Were Piles Of Puke? Line
– The Zach Connection
– Legion of Zach
– Zach of Doom
– Legion Zach Doom
– The Zach Legion Doom Connection Line
– The Zach Doom Production Line
– Crazy 9s
– The I’m Not Making Excuses But My Linemates Suck Line
– The Hardest-Working Line In Hockey, But For The Two Guys Who Aren’t Zach
– Zed Pie
– Zed Zed Pops
– The Why Can’t The Rangers And Islanders Have Players Like Zach? Line
– Did I Mention This Line is Zach’s Line? Line
