A Tale Of Two Devils

February 12, 2009 by Schnookie

We have recently had a pair of brilliant realizations about the true characters of two of this season’s most newsworthy players. The first player is Scott Clemmensen. You probably recall us claiming Clemmer was going to be Roger Moore to Marty’s Sean Connery, where he’d start off okay and then ultimately tail off into Moonraker-esque sucktitude. Well, we were wrong about that. Clemmer’s more nefarious than that. Of course, he’s hardly a brilliant evil mastermind like Moonraker‘s Hugo Drax — nope, instead, Scott Clemmensen is our Plankton. Just as ambitious a self-declared evil genius as Drax, but completely lacking in any kind of self-awareness. We are eagerly awaiting the moment when he opens the Chum Bucket (or Clem Bucket, as the case may be) right across from Marty’s stall, starts monologueing about how he’s going to run Marty out of business and get the secret recipe for Krabby Patties (or honeyed dormice, as the case may be), and just as he’s reaching his full criminal mastermind crescendo, Marty will walk by and completely obliviously step on him.

The other realization we’ve had regards Zach. The thing about Zach is that… well… it just Zach. We love him beyond measure, he’s been a clear-cut candidate for “greatest Devils forward of all time” since pretty much his rookie year, and in the playoffs two years ago against Tampa he basically declared to Devils fans everywhere that there is no ceiling on what we can expect from him. But he’s not big, he’s not (contrary to some reports) fast, he isn’t flashy or flamboyant or showy or whatever; his game pretty much starts with hard work, builds on more hard work, works a bit harder, has a heaping dose of talent and skill, and then mixes in a whole lot more hard work. It’s all about the motor with Zach, so much so that we tend to lose sight of exactly how good he is. So we’ve kind of been chortling at the way observers outside Devils circles have been calling him a “superstar”. We mean, superstar? ZACH??? Well, guess what, Gentle Reader. Those people are right. We watched last night’s game against the Islanders in a state of minor spoilage — we knew he had two assists in the match. So imagine our surprise when it turned out he also had two goals. The thing is, though, that it made perfect sense, because that’s just how a superstar rolls. For the last few years we’ve tried to temper how much we gush about him because it’s hard not to think, “How good can he be? He’s a Devil, after all.” Last night we finally freed ourselves from that thinking.

So that’s where we stand today: Zach’s a superstar and Clemmer’s Plankton. It’s this kind of brilliant insight that makes us such great hockey pundits.

(It should be noted that we wrote this post while watching the Flyers-Senators game. At one point on the Sens feed, the announcers started discussing the recent switch-up of starters in net for Philly, and they put up a graphics screen of previous Number 1 goalies in the Flyers organization over the last few seasons. The list was: Garth Snow [1995-96], John Vanbiesbrouck [1996-99], Brian Boucher [1999-00] [He's our favorite], Roman Cechmanek [2000-01], Robert Esche [2002-03], Jeff Hackett [2003-04], Antero Niittymaki [2003-03], Martin Biron [2006-07]. As soon as it appeared on screen, Pookie sighed happily, “Look at all those old friends.” Heh.)

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Posted in Bully Pulpit, Scott Clemmensen, Zach Parise | 21 Comments

21 Responses

on February 12, 2009 at 9:07 pm don

heh…let’s hope your blog is ‘banned in philadelphia’ or else someone in flyers’ management might read it and come to the realization that if they only had a top flight NHL goalie they might have a really good team on their hands…lol
on February 12, 2009 at 9:13 pm Schnookie

don, :^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::: I love that every few years they seem to look back and say, “That was a great team these last few seasons — if only we’d had goaltending!” Then they carry on choosing the same sorts of goalies. I mean, if they’d just asked me I could have told them Biron wasn’t the solution to any of their problems! (Okay, I probably would have considered how well he fits into that list and said, “Oh yeah. Go with Biron. *Snicker*”)
on February 12, 2009 at 9:21 pm don

last year when the devils were struggling to score goals it was suggested on this blog that they get a cardboard cutout of marty biron and place it front of a goal when the devils were practicing…since he was the only goalie they could score on seemingly at will…
on February 12, 2009 at 9:21 pm David

Well that analogy with Plankton just made my night. And considering how terrible this test I’m studying for is, I really needed it. Also, I think all of Devil’s fandom is starting to realize their hidden love of Zach. Or in my case, not so hidden. :) Its so sweet to watch him run around with that “Actually, I will never stop trying to score regardless of how many defenders or distance to the goal” attitude.
on February 12, 2009 at 9:33 pm Schnookie

David, I’m so glad we could help you with your terrible test studying!

Its so sweet to watch him run around with that “Actually, I will never stop trying to score regardless of how many defenders or distance to the goal” attitude.

His relentlessness is such a wonder to behold, isn’t it? What’s so nice is that he’s got the motor of, say, the checking guys in their prime, but has WAAAAY more talent than Pando and Madden. :D

since he was the only goalie they could score on seemingly at will…

HAHAHAHA! Yeah, I can’t get enough Devils games against Biron…
on February 12, 2009 at 10:38 pm Patty (in Dallas)

You mean Nittymaki’s no good?

Sigh. *looks at Paddler goalies with disgust*
on February 12, 2009 at 10:38 pm Patty (in Dallas)

I love Zach! And I love Plankton!
on February 12, 2009 at 10:43 pm Schnookie

Well Patty, Niittymaki certainly wasn’t any good tonight. :P
on February 12, 2009 at 10:45 pm Patty (in Dallas)

He was better than Toskala! :P

Toskala’s GAA for tonight? 14.3!
on February 12, 2009 at 10:46 pm Schnookie

I’m sure that’s very comforting for Niittymaki to hear. Heh.
on February 12, 2009 at 10:50 pm Patty (in Dallas)

Haha! I’m sure Niittymaki takes what he can get. :P
on February 12, 2009 at 10:51 pm Patty (in Dallas)

The live “Matchup” scores have re-invigorated my interest in the fantasy hockey.
on February 12, 2009 at 10:55 pm Patty (in Dallas)

I love Canadian commercials. 90% of them feature snow.
on February 13, 2009 at 12:37 am kristin

Poor Nitty! It’s the curse of the starter. He does fine in relief and or the occasional start, but since today the hype was “Nitty is the #1 and Marty is gonna have to wrestle it back from him,” Nitty’s little goalie brain went all bonkers.

Seriously, he allowed Carey Price type goals to get past him!
on February 13, 2009 at 8:33 am Amy

Actually, I will never stop trying to score regardless of how many defenders or distance to the goal” attitude.

I wish more hockey players had that attitude (glares at Sabres bench).

Nitty is the #1 and Marty is gonna have to wrestle it back from him

Marty took on Ray Emery, so my money would be on Marty in that wrestling match. Or, Marty will just yammer endlessly at Nitty, until Nitty snaps and starts screaming that Marty can have the job back if he would only just shut up.
on February 13, 2009 at 9:29 am Pam

Good morning! I love the Plankton analogy! He’s one of my favorites on Spongebob. (PS – I hate spongebob!)

My favorite recent Flyers goalie was Cechmanek, or as they used to say, Choke-manek.
on February 13, 2009 at 9:33 am Pam

because that’s just how a superstar rolls

Is he going swimming in the river tonight, by any chance?

But seriously, I was saying to Val yesterday that the NHL powers that be should stop fighting to act as though NJ does not exist, and embrace them! Put ‘em in a Winter Classic, and more commercials! They should promote Zach the way they promote the other big names. I’m sure Lou would never allow this though.
on February 13, 2009 at 10:55 am Anthony

did you hear: Chico Resch has been nominated for an Emmy!
on February 13, 2009 at 11:18 am Pam

Anthony, say what?
on February 13, 2009 at 12:08 pm Mike in Idaho

I hate the Flyers so I am glad to see their goalie carousel, I think the scapegoat mentality there will keep them from ever winning the Stanley Cup. My favorite Flyers scapegoating moment was a few years back with Cechmanek where they blamed him for losing a playoff series against Ottawa where the Flyers were shut out two or three times and he played pretty well overall, I think at least two of the games were 1-0 losses. And I think anyone who watched Biron with Buffalo knew he was not a number 1 goalie in this league so I was glad when they thought he was.
If there was any justice in this world, the NHL would be promoting Zach over crybabies like Crosby but alas justice is hard to find. Zach’s constant hard work inspires me when I play in my rec league even though my results seem to fall short a lot…
on February 14, 2009 at 6:22 pm Douglas

Zach’s a star. He’s improved by leaps and bounds; I’d rather have him on our team than that whining crybaby, Crosby. But Zach’s young and still has much to contribute. The greatest Devils forward of all time remains Patty.