This weekend Caps fans took it upon themselves to hand out hundreds of pacifiers to highlight their opinion that Sidney Crosby is a whiner — the result was that Crosby had a handful of points and the shootout winner. We’re hoping this is a trend and fans will be showing up at the Rawk tomorrow night handing out the following:
For Niclas Havelid — the least macho Iron Macho we’ve ever seen — skeins of llama wool.
For Zach Parise — who hasn’t scored in what seems like forever (don’t disabuse us of this; we enjoy being wrong) — cases of Tastykakes. It works for Jeff Carter.
For Travis Zajac — about whom we have only one joke — acorns.
For Jamie Langenbrunner — who’s the team captain and thus has to talk to officials whenever issues arise — pacifiers.
For any Caps fans who might be in the house by accident — and what in the hell are they doing at The Rawk anyway? — some self esteem.
For the Flames — who apparently enjoyed the Greatest Trade Deadline Of All Time — the Cup, already engraved.
For Jarome Iginla — who enjoyed weeks of national media adoration leading up to his breaking the Flames franchise scoring record — bouquets of flowers.
For Patrik Elias — who is something like five or six points away from breaking the Devils franchise scoring record — a round of ho-hums.
For Coach Sutter — who survived another coach firing unscathed — a digital counter outside the arena keeping track of how many days the Devils organization has gone without firing a head coach.
For Scott Clemmensen — who is probably skulking around Newark somewhere — a kick in the nuts. Wait, Lou’s already done that? Well great! Thanks, Lou!
For Paulie Martin and Johnny Oduya — who are the bane of many ignorant Devils fans’ lives — some respect.
For the Ookies — who haven’t put up a decent blog post all season — millions of dollars.