There are a lot of questions surrounding the Devils these days, but none more pressing than “how is it that a team of professionals can be this confused about how to play hockey?” Gentle Reader, it won’t surprise you that we, being the intrepid reporters we are, have gotten to the bottom of this story and discovered the reason the Devils are so fucking fucked up right now. It starts, as all things do this season for us, with the Flyers. Bear with us, Gentle Reader — this is going somewhere.
Apparently Flyers head coach John Stevens is somewhat renowned for his creative, unorthodox, and totally cheesy approach to instructing and motivating his hockey charges. And at least once (possibly twice — it was hard to say based on the article we found this in) he has employed this amazingly brilliant team-building tactic with professional hockey players:
Stevens held a team meeting at his Washington Township, N.J., home and instructed each player to bring an ingredient. Eggs, flour, sugar, frosting – they were going to bake a team cake.
The idea, as Stevens said the other day, “is that all the ingredients by themselves aren’t that appealing. But when you mix them with some fire you come up with a better product in the end. That’s kind of who you are.”
(Philadelphia Daily News – Thursday, May 8, 2008)
How awesome is that? We can just see how that would play out… The big guys would be there with their cool-kid ingredients, Richards with the flour, Carter with the sugar, Hartnell with the eggs — no, that’s a disaster waiting to happen… Hartnell with the butter, Knuble with the eggs, Biron with the vanilla, Lupul with the baking soda, Coburn with the salt, and so on and so on. Each guy would solemnly add his unappealing-on-its-own ingredient, contributing to the once-it-gets-mixed-with-fire-it’s-delicious dessert treat, and then, when it’s all done, Riley Cote would be like, “Cool cake, Coach! This was a really great team exercise. But, um… when do I get to put in my ingredient? You told me to bring raisins.” And Coach Stevens would say, “Well, Riley, that’s an important part of this exercise, to show that some unappealing ingredients don’t belong in a cake.” And Cote would be like, “Uhhh… Are you trying to tell me something?” And then Danny Carcillo would pipe up, “I brought what you told me to bring and we haven’t used it yet, either. It’s, um,” and then he’d read the label from the bottle he’s holding, “T-U-R-P-E-N-T-I-N-E. When do we add that?” And Stevens would sigh, “That’s to teach us all that some unappealing things aren’t ingredients at all.” And Carcillo would be like, “*Crickets chirping*”. It would rock.
We have NO DOUBT that the Devils have decided to take a crack at the “Let’s Bake A Cake Together” trick themselves recently, perhaps a “Let’s Bake A Cake Together To Celebrate Marty’s 552nd Win” exercise, even. Clearly Sutter has decided he can’t trust his veteran players to be able to do their jobs with pride and self-respect, and instead has to resort to the creative, unorthodox, and totally cheesy. In any event, this is the cake they made.
For those of you who are at work and can’t watch videos or something, here’s what the recipe the Devils are working from is all about.
1 (10 to 12-ounce) purchased angel food cake
1 container (16 ounce) vanilla frosting
2 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder
2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 (21-ounce) container apple filling or topping
1 (1.7-ounce) package corn nuts
1/2 cup pumpkin seeds, toasted
1/2 cup popped popcorn
Special Equipment: Kwanzaa candles
Using a serrated knife, cut cake horizontally into 2 layers. Place bottom cake layer, cut side up, on a serving platter. Mix frosting, cocoa powder, vanilla, and cinnamon in large bowl until combined. Spread about 1/4 of the frosting over top of cake layer on platter. Top with second cake layer, cut side down. Spread remaining frosting evenly over top and sides of cake to coat completely. Spoon apple pie filling into hole in center of cake. Place candles atop cake. Sprinkle top of cake with some corn nuts, pumpkin seeds, and popcorn. Sprinkle remaining corn nuts and pumpkin seeds around base of cake.
Zach and Travis are tasked to bring several angel food cakes, so there would be enough finished product to go around. Patty, Paulie and Langer draw frosting. Madden, Greene and Rolston are assigned to bring the cocoa powder. Sutter tells Whitey and Iron Boar to bring vanilla. Rupp and Oduya are told to bring the cinnamon. Zubrus, Gio and Holik are instructed to get the pie filling. Havelid and Shanahan are assigned corn nuts. Mottau and Clarkson draw pumpkin seeds. Marty and Weeks are told to bring the popcorn. And Pando is assigned to bring the turpentine.
Everyone assembles at the set time in Coach Sutter’s kitchen for the big baking exercise. The first thing everyone notices is that this recipe is chock-a-block with unappealing ingredients, but since no one was told to bring candles, it is very short on fire. Sutter agrees that when the cake is assembled, they’ll grill it. Because as Coach Stevens would say, that’s kind of who the Devils are. Then they set to making the cake. Zach has brought his share of ingredient, because he’s nothing if not dutiful, but Travis, when called upon, has to admit he didn’t bring any cake.
“I watched the video, Coach,” he explains, “That lady didn’t use corn nuts. She said she was using acorns. I made sure we had acorns.”
Sutter tries to keep his temper in check, because this is a nurturing learning exercise and all. “That’s nice, Travis,” he says slowly, “But we already have nuts. Corn nuts. Havelid and Shanny brought them.”
Havelid squirms uncomfortably in the back of the room.
“You brought corn nuts, right Havelid?” Sutter tries not to snarl.
Havelid grimaces, showing his missing teeth (on the top and bottom), then sort of dumbly looks around at everyone else. “I didn’t get them.”
Sutter: “Why not?”
Havelid: “I dunno. I just didn’t.”
Sutter groans inwardly, then asks, “So who was it again who was supposed to bring corn nuts if not Havelid?”
Zach pipes up eagerly, “Shanny! Shanny brought them!” Pause. “Where’s Shanny?”
Sutter sighs, “I gave him a maintenance day today.”
The other guys all start grumbling jealously, except Travis, who happily exclaims, “Good thing I brought the acorns then, you know…”
Sutter looks impatiently at his wristwatch. “Fine. Fuck it. We’ve got one cake and no corn nuts. Whatever. Next step. Frosting. You sad fucks brought icing, right?”
Patty steps forward and proudly hands Sutter a can of frosting. “You bet I did. It’s Funfetti! Super-colorful!”
Zach pipes up urgently, “NO! Coach, the recipe says vanilla frosting! We can’t use Funfetti!”
Glaring at the ceiling, Sutter reluctantly agrees. “Funfetti’s going to make our cake look like ass, Elias. Can’t you follow the simplest of instructions? Fuuuck. Who else brought icing?”
This draws an angrily furrowed brow from Langer, who steps forward and growls, “I did, Coach. And as captain, I am going to step up now and get the job done.” He then pulls a can of vanilla frosting from the grocery bag he’s holding, makes to toss it across the kitchen to his waiting coach, winds up, and throws the can ten feet wide, right out the window and into an open dumpster outside. A long, awkward silence follows, which is finally broken by Langer mumbling, “I’m working hard enough. I mean, I’m doing what I’m supposed to out here…”
Sutter: “Good thing Paulie also brought frosting.”
Paulie looks up from the can he’s been intently digging in for the last half hour. “Yup. It was delicious.”
Sutter: “Pando, go outside and get Langer’s can out of the dumpster.”
Pando grudgingly does as he’s told, but the guys nearest the open window can hear him grumbling the whole time.
“Okay,” Sutter says through clenched teeth, “This is going great. What a fun team-bonding experience we’re having here, right? What’s next?”
Zach chirps, “Cocoa powder, Coach!”
Sutter: “Right. Fucking cocoa powder. Tell me we have fucking cocoa powder here. Greene, I figure you fucked this up somehow, but Madden and Rolston, you guys are vets. I can trust you to do this, right?”
Greene, Rolston and Madden all stand mutely in front of their coach. Very slowly, Greene lifts an extended index finger to silently point to Rolston, who meekly points his own finger at Madden, while Madden is quietly pointing back at Greene.
If you listen very closely, you can hear the clot that Sutter is about to throw. But he manages to maintain a stoic facade as he snarls, “Fine. Fuck that. I hate chocolate anyway. Cinnamon then. Please tell me we have cinnamon.”
Rupp steps forward enthusiastically, “Of course I brought cinnamon! You tell me what to do, Coach, and I do it. I, um, didn’t have a lot in my house, but I brought what I could.”
Oduya beams as he produces from his pocket a little spice jar as well. “I brought all of my cinnamon, too.”
Zach leaps up and snatches the jars from both guys, and eagerly measures it out. “Uh oh, Coach,” he quavers, then whispers tearfully, “Neither one of them brought enough. We only have 1/4 teaspoon here and we need a full teaspoon!”
Sutter slumps onto a chair and runs his hands through what little hair he’s got left. “Well that’s just tickety-boo. Who wanted this to be cinnamony anyway? We’ve got vanilla to make up for that.” Without looking up, he waves one hand defeatedly, “Whitey, Sal, give Zach the vanilla.”
The Iron Boar looks sheepish. “I, um, don’t have it,” he says softly.
Sutter is just silent.
Iron Boar continues sadly, “I was on the PK, and everything was going fine, and then all of a sudden… I was just throwing the vanilla over the glass. I couldn’t help myself. I just love throwing things over the glass.” Pause. “Sorry.”
Whitey rolls his eyes and hands over a tiny bottle to Zach. “I brought mine,” he rasps.
Zach looks at the label at the bottle, then his gaze, wide-eyed, sad, and tearful, shifts up to look at Sutter. “Uh oh,” he swallows hard. “Did you say your eye still makes it tough for you to read, Whitey?”
Whitey shrugs, “Sometimes.”
Zach wordlessly hands the bottle to Sutter, who reads it aloud, “Sardine Extract”.
The guys groan nervously.
Sutter suddenly gets a happy glint in his eyes. “Well, we finally have an ingredient here. Add the extract Zach.”
Zach looks horrified. “But… but… without vanilla, it won’t have that homemade taste!”
“Zach,” Sutter snarls, “Add the extract.” With shaking hands, Zach does exactly that.
Several happy moments follow as the team cuts and frosts the cake. It’s like craft time for little kids, but tiptoeing around the high-grade explosives that is Coach Sutter. When their little cake is assembled and iced, everyone stands at attention again, ready for the next round of ingredients.
“Okay,” Sutter looks at the recipe, “Where’s the apple pie filling?”
Holik defiantly declares, “I don’t like apple pie so I didn’t bring any.”
Gio and Zubrus hastily try to cover for him, and they say nearly in unison, “Don’t worry — I brought mine!”
But Sutter just smiles happily at Holik, “That’s my boy. Don’t ever change, Bobby. I love that spirit of yours.”
Burning holes through the back of Holik’s disobeying head, Zach heaps a few spoonfuls of pie filling into the center of the cake, then snaps primly, “Clarkie and Motts, you guys have the pumpkin seeds?”
Mottau just shrugs, “At this point you didn’t really think I would, did you?” and Clarkson insists on applying the seeds to the cake himself. Needless to say, this involves him running around behind the cake, trying and failing to cut a tight corner, wiping out, and tossing the seeds everywhere but on the cake.
Sutter sits in place, staring in disbelief. “What in the fucking fuck?” he mutters to himself. “Never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d have a team like this. Never.”
“Don’t worry, Coach,” says Marty, “It’s not like we had any popcorn either. I ate it all on the drive over.”
Sutter just stares into space.
Travis then pipes up happily, “Well, I’ve got the acorns. Maybe if I put them on the cake now, it’ll look good…” He puts them on the cake, and it doesn’t.
Pando then speaks up, “Well, I’ve got the turpentine. I’m sure it would make the cake look great, especially when we grill it, but you know what? I’m not sharing.”
Sutter: “This is the last time I ever take John Stevens’s advice when we’re at a coaching workshop.”
Oh.my.god. Too fucking fummy. Er, funny even. Why can I picture this whole thing happening? And you made me spit out water with “I just love throwing things over the glass.”
I think if it were the Sabres, everyone would have to bring their own package of EZ bake oven treat mix cause no way in hell should any of those guys be allowed near anything hotter than a 40 watt light bulb.
Thanks, mcguffers! :D We actually didn’t mean for this to be such a long post, but it really does end up being a scene you can see all too well. All too well. :P
I think the Sabres need to be VERY closely monitored, even near just an EZ Bake oven. I’m sure they could find a way to create all kinds of problems with that.
Yeah, picture one of them putting Sterno fuel in the EZ bake and melting the whole oven.
My game is being a bit too gentlemanly to take out behind the barn, but I still like it.
Yeah, picture one of them putting Sterno fuel in the EZ bake and melting the whole oven.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Or getting sick from eating undercooked eggs that didn’t bake long enough next to the light bulb. :P
Or getting sick from eating undercooked eggs that didn’t bake long enough next to the light bulb.
And thus Rob Ray throwing up in his mouth.
Or getting sick from eating undercooked eggs that didn’t bake long enough next to the light bulb. :P
It’s cause Gpose demanded that they use energy efficient bulbs!
Really? “Gpose”. Really. Best.Typer.Ever.
It’s cause Gpose demanded that they use energy efficient bulbs!
Damn those CFLs! They’re good for NOTHING!
I liked the “Gpose”. That’s why I left it in when I copied it. :P
hahaha, it sounds like a rap group name. Yo yo let’s hear it for the G Posse Yooooooooo!
And thus Rob Ray throwing up in his mouth.
:^::::::::::::::::: I’m still picturing Peters coming back from his locker going, “Who the @#$% puked in my locker?? Not cool Royz, not @#$%ing cool!”
Apparently it was because the Canadian reporters were beating on each other.
HAHAHAHA! The G Posse. They are SO awesome.
Wow. Just wow. Your team has finally pushed you over the edge!
Your team has finally pushed you over the edge!
Your team had a lot to do with it! :PPPPP
(And really, “finally”? They pushed us over the edge YEARS ago.)
I’m still picturing Peters coming back from his locker going, “Who the @#$% puked in my locker?? Not cool Royz, not @#$%ing cool!”
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: And seriously, that was SO not just Canadian reporters beating on each other. Please. He was VOMITING IN HIS OWN MOUTH. It has to have been more than that. :P
And seriously, that was SO not just Canadian reporters beating on each other. Please. He was VOMITING IN HIS OWN MOUTH. It has to have been more than that.
I know, right?!! Unless by “beating on” they meant “having an orgy with” and by “each other” they meant “goats.”
Okay. I haven’t finished reading the recipe, but I’m afraid to, now that I see it has CORN NUTS in it!!
Unless by “beating on” they meant “having an orgy with” and by “each other” they meant “goats.”
AHAHAHA! Another fabulous installment of “We’re All Thinking It, McGuffers Is Saying It!” :D
Patty, this corn nut cake is LEGENDARY.
Unless by “beating on” they meant “having an orgy with” and by “each other” they meant “goats.”
That is the ONLY possible explanation. (Beside the ten explanations Kate already gave.)
Patty, this recipe is ICONIC. It is on the Mt. Rushmore of Semi-Ho recipes.
I might go so far as to say that this recipe is the ENTIRETY of the Mt. Rushmore of Semi-Ho recipes, actually.
This Semi-Ho recipe actually looks like a stoner got lost in a health food junkie’s cabinet after getting seriously baked.
“Well, I’ve got the turpentine. I’m sure it would make the cake look great, especially when we grill it, but you know what? I’m not sharing.”
You tell ‘em, Pando!
This Semi-Ho recipe actually looks like a stoner got lost in a health food junkie’s cabinet after getting seriously baked.
Apparently FoodTV pulled the recipe from the website after they got so many complaints about how insulting it is, so we had to dig around a bit to find the recipe proper. And in our searching, I found someone who had made the cake for shits and giggles, and described it as looking like a suet ball for birds.
You tell ‘em, Pando!
Yup! Being on the outside looking in is sometimes a good thing… :P
And in our searching, I found someone who had made the cake for shits and giggles, and described it as looking like a suet ball for birds.
I can’t imagine that’s a good thing.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Is it wrong that I’m suddenly majorly crushing on Sutter?
YAY HOCKEY! The Canucks played maybe the most boring game ever but oh well. They’re first in the division!
Is it wrong that I’m suddenly majorly crushing on Sutter?
Yes! Yes it is MAJORLY wrong! :P (It was his idea to make the Kwanzaa cake in the first place — don’t lose sight of that! :P)
And WOOO! for the Canucks!
Woo hoo Canucks!! Sometimes a boring win is a nice rest for the heart.
Completely off topic… alix, have you ever seen the movie “Smiley Face”? It’s about Anna Faris’s character getting high and then eating a shit load of pot cupcakes. I thought of you cause, uh, you’re, uh, both… uh, blonde. Yeeeaahhh, you and Anna Faris are both blonde.
Yay! for Canucks!
Ribs gets another crazy goal and the goalie actually covers his face with his hands.
Yes! Yes it is MAJORLY wrong! :P (It was his idea to make the Kwanzaa cake in the first place — don’t lose sight of that! :P)
Right right! And he’s pretty much a Flame considering he’s from Red Deer. It was just that angry energy and the use of the word fuck mixed with tickety boo that had me all charmed.
mcguffers, :^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: I haven’t actually! But I loved her in House Bunny and…I love…brownies. Yeah, brownies. So I’ll have to check it out.
Oh my god this post made my life. :P This is the funniest thing ever.
Lucky Travis saves the day with his acorns while Zach has to pout that his cake didn’t turn out correct.
It was just that angry energy and the use of the word fuck mixed with tickety boo that had me all charmed.
Well, that is understandable… :P
KG, I’m so glad you enjoyed the post! Poor earnest Travis, always trying to make things better with acorns. Maybe he can try SCORING some figurative acorns in the next game. FOR A CHANGE. Grrr… :P (And Zach was probably devastated that his dumb teammates couldn’t pull it together and bake a freakin’ cake. He’s like, “Guys, the Flyers were able to do this! Come on! FOCUS!” But we all know they don’t ever listen to him…)
Zach has to pout that his cake didn’t turn out correct.
Oh, you know Zach went straight home and made the cake following the recipe to a “t” and then drove to Sutter’s house and shouted on the front lawn until Sutter came out to acknowledge that he did the team exercise correctly!
Zach has to pout that his cake didn’t turn out correct.
By the way, I totally sympathize with Zach. I hated group projects in school where I was the only one that did my share. I’d get all huffy about rules and following instructions. I got a lotta eye-rolling aimed at me, as you can imagine.
Ok…..I’m compelled to take the leap and finally contribute a comment instead of just reading everything on this site for the last 2 years …and I cannot stop laughing.!!
With all of the analysis by the paid sports media about why the Devils have lost 5 straight, only the Ookies have perfectly framed the problem with the team. I know it doesn’t happen often, but I think even Sutter would be chuckling if he read this!
Oh, you know Zach went straight home and made the cake following the recipe to a “t” and then drove to Sutter’s house and shouted on the front lawn until Sutter came out to acknowledge that he did the team exercise correctly!
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: He stood under Sutter’s bedroom window, holding up the cake and belting out “In Your Eyes”.
I know it doesn’t happen often, but I think even Sutter would be chuckling if he read this!
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::: He BETTER not be able to laugh right now. I mean, his dumb team has rendered me incapable of laughter, so I can only hope they’re all just as miserable. :P
(And thanks so much, Joan! It’s great to hear from you! :D)
Thanks, Joan! Maybe Sutter giggling would only make him madder? And then he’d make the guys ride the bikes harder? Here’s hoping.
I’ve got tickets for Friday night’s game, and my husband was grumbling about sitting at the Rock watching them skating around aimlessly when he could be watch it at home and just turn it off instead. I made him read your post …now he has a whole new perspective on how to view the game..
now he has a whole new perspective on how to view the game.
Think of the cake ingredients you guys could throw on the ice!
I think it was the Sardine Extract that got him….
I would totally hurl corn nuts doused in sardine extract on the guys. TOTALLY.
“He stood under Sutter’s bedroom window, holding up the cake and belting out “In Your Eyes”.”
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: I love Say Anything!
Of course, I’ll be jumping right back into that playoff spirit if they take the ice by storm tomorrow and make Crosby Inc cower in their skates….
Hey, two weeks ago I thought the Cup was ours. If the guys figure out how to play even just ONE game at that level again, I’ll be right back there with you, Joan. We just never learn, do we? :P
It’s that bi-polar tendency of hockey fans, the team is either the greatest group of guys to ever put on skates or just scum………..there is never any level ground in following a team!
Gillis lectured me when I met him about having more faith in the Canucks. :D It’s hard though. Fans are always waiting for the worst to happen.
I would totally hurl corn nuts doused in sardine extract on the guys.
If I ate corn nuts, I would totally hurl.
Glad I finally jumped into your blog!. I am off to bed but I will stop by again during the week. At least I can laugh about the Devils tonight… that sooo was not the case after last nights game.
there is never any level ground in following a team!
Hee! No, there really isn’t.
Gillis lectured me when I met him about having more faith in the Canucks.
Don’t listen to him, alix! Those are just crazy motivational speaker tactics. All the Canucks use them. :P
G’night, Joan! Thanks again for commenting, and I’m so glad we can help you through these dark days! We’re all in this together, right? :P
If I ate corn nuts, I would totally hurl.
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Don’t listen to him, alix! Those are just crazy motivational speaker tactics. All the Canucks use them. :P
It’s true! Damn Ryan Walter and his trust circles and spirit within and the team’s sport psychologist! :D
Those are just crazy motivational speaker tactics.
Yeah! He has motivational tactics! Powerful motivational tactics! Look away, alix! Look away!
If I ate corn nuts, I would totally hurl.
That just took me an embarrassingly long time to get that!
I tried, but I think I’m in too deep! I’m madly in love with this whole team. Damn bastards! I might have even sketched a parade route the other day (As a joke! Hockey Gods) My heart is going to be crunched into a million pieces, isn’t it?
I might have even sketched a parade route the other day (As a joke! Hockey Gods) My heart is going to be crunched into a million pieces, isn’t it?
The Hockey Gods are not fooled. You typed those words, alix, and they will make you pay. :P
My heart is going to be crunched into a million pieces, isn’t it?
Probably, but there’s a good chance it won’t be for a long time!
Schnookie, you’re probably right! *TEARS*
Well a long time sounds nice, Patty!
Boooo! Ducks won!
Y’ALL! You will NEVER GUESS what happened!
The STARS WON! WOOO!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
Best post ever!
Funfetti’s going to make our cake look like ass, Elias.
I think this might be the funniest sentence ever written.
Good morning!
I second Katebits’ reaction. This post was hilarious.
And mcguffers, thank you so much for your streak of “The fucking Habs are winning tonight. I can feel it. “ It works every time! You’ve completely turned their season around.
Can’t breathe. Laughing and crying at the same time. This post is completely awesome.
Wow. Sandra Lee would be crying at what the Devils did to her already perfect Kwanzaa kake. This post is absolutely brilliant and totally hysterical.
I think the Sabres need to be VERY closely monitored, even near just an EZ Bake oven. I’m sure they could find a way to create all kinds of problems with that.
Oh, totally. Y’all already mentioned the undercooked eggs, but I foresee someone trying to be cute and adding alcohol to the batter and then the entire team getting soused off the EZ Bake Oven Cake. Or Pat Kaleta wondering what would happen if he put his sister’s Barbie doll in the oven, leading to the melting plastic setting off the arena fire alarms and sprinklers. Meanwhile, Crunchy’s standing in the middle of the locker room muttering about how he’s trying to be the best professional EZ Bake Cake Baker he can be.
The dreaded Kwanzza cake!!!!!
Very funny ladies.
Good morning, everyone! I’m glad y’all liked the post! And Katebits, as soon as we typed the words “Funfetti’s going to make our cake look like ass, Elias”, we were both like, “I think that’s my new Devils motto.” Heh. That was by far our favorite part of the post. :D
Meanwhile, Crunchy’s standing in the middle of the locker room muttering about how he’s trying to be the best professional EZ Bake Cake Baker he can be.
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: He cannot STAND how had his team makes it for him to be the best professional whatever he wants to be. First they ruin his chances to be the best professional EZ Bake Cake Baker he can be, then they ruin his chances to be the best professional goalie he can be… WHAT NEXT???
Good thing the Sabres can never take “being the best professional boob hoodie purveyor” from him!
Thanks Ookies for some much needed laughs right now!
Hee! Thanks, Morgan! How’s it going, other than the Devils? :D
HAHAHAHAHA! Great post, and hearing tickety-boo was the icing on the cake (couldn’t resist :D ). Hearing tickety-boo gets me every time, I have got to make the drive up to Calgary some day just to pick up more Alberta aphorisms. But having Pando bring the turpentine makes PandoNation sad…
Yeah, Pookie pulled out the “tickety-boo” during the Ranger game on Monday and it was the only time any of us cracked a smile all evening. Heh.
As for Pando, we should have seen this coming. I mean, Sutter’s been assigning Pando turpentine since day one. Poor Pando.
I mean, Sutter’s been assigning Pando turpentine since day one. Poor Pando.
Maybe Sutter is looking forward to what will happen when the turpentine cake hits the grill. “Sutter want big boom!” (to paraphrase Mythbusters).
“Sutter want big boom!”
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
:::::::::::::::: *gasp* ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
OK, now “funfetti is going to make the cake look like ass, Elias” and “Sutter want big boom” will be my mottos for the stretch run! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
“Sutter want big boom!”
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Holy crap, that’s PERFECT.
TG reported Elias is out tonight with the highly contageous lower-body injury. guess he really was upset with the Funfetti Incident.
“funfetti is going to make the cake look like ass, Elias” – will now forever be known as the Infamous Funfetti Incident.
just watched the video. Kwanzza Kake? with apples and a chocolate vanilla cinnamon icing/filing? nuts?
wtf is wrong with that woman? who mixes chocolate icing and canned cinnamon apples? and she still has a job?
did she invent that thing between commercial breaks?
I was really shocked she didnt use Candy Corn because thats what this cake is screaming for. plus the sardine extract, of course, and if thats not available, then some muddled anchovies.
Is this going to be in the next installment of Chico Eats?
“Is this going to be in the next installment of Chico Eats?”
I don’t think even Chico would eat this.
I can’t believe the funfetti BROKE Patty! (I also can’t believe he’s out again tonight. WOO HOO for six losses in a row. Sigh. And we get to watch it at 10:00 tonight on tivo delay. Wheee!)
And seriously, isn’t the Kwanzaa cake the most amazing thing you’ve ever seen? I don’t know how it got past the FoodTV executives in the first place. Between this and the non-kosher Hanukkah cake she made earlier in the same episode, she was hitting all the most offensive high notes she possibly could.
JerseyMike, if Chico continues to insist on telling me how awesome Blobby’s been playing, then yes, this is the next item up for Chico Eats. Heh.
I was really shocked she didnt use Candy Corn because thats what this cake is screaming for.
I bet she intended to use Candy Corn and got Corn Nuts instead and just tried to be cool. Like she meant to do that.
WOO HOO for six losses in a row. Sigh. And we get to watch it at 10:00 tonight on tivo delay.
Maybe we should do a game diary of how many times we fast forward during the game? :D
Maybe we should do a game diary of how many times we fast forward during the game? :D
HAHAHAHA! That would be hysterical. I can just see it:
FIRST PERIOD
19:51 Pens score on the opening shot of the game, an unscreened Malkin slapshot from just inside the blue line. We fast forward to the end of the game.
Maybe we should do a game diary of how many times we fast forward during the game?
i may have to reprogram my remote to fast forward in ludicrous speed.
i’m predicting the opening Pens goal will be from Travis winning the opening faceoff back into his own zone and beating marty 5-hole, being a half-butterfly goalie and all.
i say its a good night to put Weekes in goal.
in honor of the Kwanzza Kake and all.
Hanky Panky is a sniper! WOOOOO! He’s going to hit 20 goals this season! 2nd star of the month. Woot Woot.
The Devils are turning it around today! I can feel it. If they don’t Sutter will tickety boom himself all the way to Red Deer.
alix, your motivational-speaker mind tricks won’t work on me! :P
I can’t believe the funfetti BROKE Patty!
Meanwhile, the lack of Funfetti must have broken Buffalo’s Patty. Lalime is out tonight with some sort of hip issue.
So you don’t want to do the circle of trust with me, Schnookie? Ryan Walter brought brownies and suits from Moores that make us look groovy and everything. :D
Ryan Walter brought brownies and suits from Moores that make us look groovy and everything.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Please. Those suits from Moores are going to be replaced soon with purple track suits and black Nikes. :P
And it seems like a bad day to be a Patty. I hope Patty (In Dallas) is okay!
No Patty? I’m scared for the game tonight. But I guess at this point the Devils might as well just lose the rest of the season so why not have Patty on the side lines?
Please. Those suits from Moores are going to be replaced soon with purple track suits and black Nikes. :P
Never! :D
I hope Patty (In Dallas) is okay!
It was touch and go for a while, but I’m okay!
It was touch and go for a while, but I’m okay!
Oh thank goodness. You miraculously survived Funfetti Wednesday. It’s been a bad one.
But I guess at this point the Devils might as well just lose the rest of the season so why not have Patty on the side lines?
So true. So true.
Oh have I mentioned recently that I love my team? On Dec 14 they were 13 points behind the Flames. Now they’re in first and Celine Dion is crying into Sean Avery’s sloppy seconds’s boosum.
Lucky little Zach made the top five shootout goals of the year on NHL Network Online. He must be swooning.
Maybe we need to check on the status of Patty’s around the league. Obviously, Elias handi-vac’d the Funfetti from all of them and they are all in peril.
But I guess at this point the Devils might as well just lose the rest of the season so why not have Patty on the side lines?
Yeah, why not? Sigh.
The more I think about it, the more I think Sutter needs to threaten them with something truly horrible – forced time alone with Blobby.
Except Sutter probably doesn’t see that as a punishment.
Oh have I mentioned recently that I love my team?
I kind of remember loving the Devils. It seemed like it was just a few weeks ago , before the seeds of that game after Marty’s record against Carolina that we knew would be a loss grew into the towering sequoia of a disaster that the last game was. I can only take so much aggravation in a week so tonight I am watching St. Louis/Chicago. At least I know one of my lesser favorites is guaranteed to get a win.
The more I think about it, the more I think Sutter needs to threaten them with something truly horrible – forced time alone with Blobby.
Except Sutter probably doesn’t see that as a punishment.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Man, if only he DID see it as punishment, the Devils would be UNSTOPPABLE. Can you imagine how motivated the guys would be just so they don’t have to spend any time in the Holik Cooler?
It seemed like it was just a few weeks ago , before the seeds of that game after Marty’s record against Carolina that we knew would be a loss grew into the towering sequoia of a disaster that the last game was.
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Sometimes great pain creates great poetry — that’s beautiful, Mike. :P (We’re watching tonight’s game, but… we’re kinda tempted by a certain something else… We got our cable reinstalled today, which means we’re now FULLY Tranny Bride-enabled. We wouldn’t be able to watch their game tonight on DirecTV, but we probably will be able to tivo it on Comcast. Heh. We’re like, “We can’t watch them instead of the Devils when Pookie gets home from work tonight, can we?”)
Awe man I just realized today’s Wednesday, are you guys going to be on tivo delay? :(
the Holik Cooler?
That sounds like a Sandra Lee cocktail if I ever heard one.
And there’s ANTM in addition to hockey tonight. What would we do without DVRs?
And there’s ANTM in addition to hockey tonight. What would we do without DVRs?
This was potentially a HUGE problem for us, what with there being two games as well as ANTM. We finally realized we need pretty much a DVR and a half, so we’re crawling back into the arms of cable. Our single-DVR experiment is over. WOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
And I can SO clearly see Sandra making a Holik Cooler. It would involve quite a few hearty Sandy pours. :P
Any Holik Cooler would have to involve lots of alcohol so that your vision would become blurry (you couldn’t see him) and anything he said would wsound like Miss Othmar from Peanuts,”Wah Wah, Wah Wah Wah WAH”. In other words, LOTS of alcohol, so this would happen very quickly.
My cat Eric just started meowing VERY loudly. I think the thought of being alone with Blobby has upset him.
Have fun watching the Tranny Brides, Schnookie :D
I haven’t watched the last 5 games, so I have no idea how bad it’s been. Ignorance must not be so much bliss that I want to hang onto it though, because I’m definitely watching tonight’s game. Towering sequoia of disaster or not.
I haven’t watched the last 5 games…
Well, no wonder! :P
If you watch tonight’s game, Mags, I feel sure they’ll win!
My cat Eric just started meowing VERY loudly. I think the thought of being alone with Blobby has upset him.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Mags, I think that tonight’s game will probably have all the misery of the previous five, so you’ll get a good sense of what you’ve been missing. :P
I’m telling you, the Devils will turn it around and annihilate the Rangers in round 1 if they watch this.
Oh my god, alix, that makes me want to join a cult! :P
Afternoon everyone! Totally ready for some hockey cause the fucking Sabres are winning tonight! I can feel it!!
I chopped 12 inches off my hair to donate yesterday, and when I went into work today, someone goes, “Wow, that looks awesome! Wait… is this an April Fool’s thing?” Yeah. I’m hiding a foot of hair somewhere. I don’t work with smart people. (No, I don’t work with the Sabres)
when I went into work today, someone goes, “Wow, that looks awesome! Wait… is this an April Fool’s thing?” Yeah. I’m hiding a foot of hair somewhere.
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: The Sabres would probably have been like, “Damn! You cut off 12 INCHES of hair? That must have hurt like hell!”
“Damn! You cut off 12 INCHES of hair? That must have hurt like hell!”
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
The sight of my anguish made Rob Ray puke in his mouth
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Rob Ray’s like a little kid getting his first haircut, but all the time. He cries and cries and cries when his gets cut, and he’s convinced everyone else is in excruciating pain when they’re getting theirs done. So someone was CLEARLY trimming their hair in the dressing room in that video, and Ray just found it BARBARIC.
So someone was CLEARLY trimming their hair in the dressing room in that video, and Ray just found it BARBARIC.
He was simply disgusted that Connolly was doing some rookie hazing and making Butler trim his hair for him… of course, if you’ve seen Timmy lately, you’d know it’s not his head that needs trimming….
of course, if you’ve seen Timmy lately, you’d know it’s not his head that needs trimming….
Well, that is barbaric. I’d be throwing up in my own mouth, too.
Yeah, I was throwing up a little just by typing it.
You know what else is barbaric? Reminding us three times that the Sabres haven’t beaten CheeseTed’s team all season.
Aw, CheeseTed, I miss that guy. He needs a better team so that we can all say “CheeseTed” more often.
Are you ladies on Tivo delay tonight?
Pookie, Jeanneret keeps saying “Armstrong” as it that’s his name or something.
Yeah, we’re on DOUBLE tivo delay, because our cable got installed, and you know what’s recording in glorious, glorious HD RIGHT NOW? Yeah, THE FLYERS! WOOOOOOOOOO! DirecTV is blacking us out of it, but DirecTV can SUCK IT! Heh.
But I don’t mind being from the future.
You know what else is barbaric? Reminding us three times that the Sabres haven’t beaten CheeseTed’s team all season.
Yeah, that season-series recap was a laugh a minute, wasn’t it? :P
Pookie, Jeanneret keeps saying “Armstrong” as it that’s his name or something.
What is his PROBLEM? We all KNOW it’s CheeseTed.
whoa, double tivo delay. so you can watch all the horror in a condensed version. good plan!
of course, if you’ve seen Timmy lately, you’d know it’s not his head that needs trimming….
Oh gross. Poor Butler for having to make sure the carpet matches the drapes.
Hey, lookie there! It’s a hobo! :::runs:::
so you can watch all the horror in a condensed version. good plan!
Yeah, I don’t know about Pookie, but Boomer and I both refuse to embark on watching the Devils get smacked around by the Pens without knowing the score in advance. We’re gluttons for punishment, I know, but even we have limits.
Oh gross. Poor Butler for having to make sure the carpet matches the drapes.
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Of course, as we all learned from Gambler’s dad, Timmy’s got no, er, equipment. So it could be a much more awful task than it really is… :P
Yeah, that season-series recap was a laugh a minute, wasn’t it? :P
I’m wondering if Ricky is trying to appeal to the Blersus directors for a post season gig.
Of course, as we all learned from Gambler’s dad, Timmy’s got no, er, equipment. So it could be a much more awful task than it really is… :P
WHAAAAATT?? I know I have a gutter mind, but does that comment really mean what I think it means? An how does Gambler’s dad know??
I can’t remember how Gambler’s dad was familiar with Timmy’s package, and I’m fairly confident there was no actual disclosure of anything about it. I think there was something about someone in the Gambler sphere of influence having been involved in Timmy’s recovery from a groin injury or something? I dunno. But needless to say, around here at IPB, it quickly developed into confirmation of him having nothing at all down there. :P
Yeah, I don’t know about Pookie, but Boomer and I both refuse to embark on watching the Devils get smacked around by the Pens without knowing the score in advance.
Pookie wants very much to know the score before watching. And Pookie also has no qualms about fast forwarding if need be. (Pookie maybe had a really rough evening of discovering Pookie did something potentially really stupid and thus is a) reduced to referring to herself in the 3rd person and b) sooooooo not interested in seeing the Devils lose badly to Pittsburgh.)
Schnookie, I love that your avatar is now the little po’d Pomeranian.
There, there, Pookie. There’s also Trannies in HD to make your evening happier. :D
Since the Devils are playing the Penguins tonight I believe this is called for and just:
http://www.myspace.com/pummelermusic
http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=295319823&blogId=479873125
Please don’t bite off my head.
Alright!! Next time the Saskatoon Airport gives you trouble, I don’t want to see anyone pointing a finger here! I may share my impure thoughts about Komisarek, Gaustad, Lecavalier, Dipietro, etc… but I don’t think I’ve ever turned the discussion to anyones package! (er, except like 10 minutes ago when I hinted that Butler did some lawn care work for Timmy, but I didn’t make any size assumptions!)
(er, except like 10 minutes ago when I hinted that Butler did some lawn care work for Timmy, but I didn’t make any size assumptions!)
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: The Saskatoon Airport is not impressed, mcguggers. It knows you and what you’re capable of.
Pookie maybe had a really rough evening of discovering Pookie did something potentially really stupid
Pookie, one thing I’ve learned from Ice Girls training camp is that a mistake is just an opportunity for growth. Like when Candy took my sparkly pom poms by mistake, I could have kicked her face in, but I forgave her and taught her how to read C-A-N-D-Y so she wouldn’t do it again.
Like when Candy took my sparkly pom poms by mistake, I could have kicked her face in, but I forgave her and taught her how to read C-A-N-D-Y so she wouldn’t do it again.
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: OMG! I’ve just had SUCH a good idea! If mistakes are an opportunity for growth, I’m going to try to make both my boobs make really big mistakes so they can grow really big! There’s no way I’ll get cut from the squad then!
If mistakes are an opportunity for growth, I’m going to try to make both my boobs make really big mistakes so they can grow really big!
I’ve tried, but I can’t refute the logic on that one.
How in the blazes did Miller stop that first Kozlov shot? That was a glorious save.
I’m going to try to make both my boobs make really big mistakes so they can grow really big!
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::: I tried naming my boobs Roy and Tallinder. Hasn’t worked yet.
Why do I always forget about Boulton?? Everytime anyone plays the Thrashers, I always think to myself, “Isn’t there someone on this team that always goes apeshit and takes 37 penalty minutes per game?” And as I say that, Boulton comes out of no where and punches someone for no good reason. Did I dislike him when he was a Amerk?
I’ve tried, but I can’t refute the logic on that one.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::: It really is unassailable, isn’t it? :P
I tried naming my boobs Roy and Tallinder. Hasn’t worked yet.
Hm. Well, maybe there is a flaw to the logic after all…
I tried naming my boobs Roy and Tallinder. Hasn’t worked yet.
Hee. Maybe you need to name them Staffy and Yo-Yo. They’ve been a bit mistake-y lately.
Like when Candy took my sparkly pom poms by mistake, I could have kicked her face in, but I forgave her and taught her how to read C-A-N-D-Y so she wouldn’t do it again.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Thanks, mcguffers, I really needed that! :D
Or name them “Devils” and “Devils”!
Sigh.
Hee. Maybe you need to name them Staffy and Yo-Yo. They’ve been a bit mistake-y lately.
Good Lord! I’d wake up with double d’s!
Marty Reasoner is from an interesting town south of Rochester. I’m just guessing his mom and dad were related before marriage.
Thanks, mcguffers, I really needed that! :D
No prob! Ice girls are all about supporting one another!! and doing each other’s hair!
Hahahaha!! “Thomas Vanek is getting some equipment worked on, so we’re here with *disappointing voice* Derek Roy. Derek, tell us how you’ve helped with Vanek’s goals.” I couldn’t care less if the Sabres play another game, but I am REALLY going to miss Kevin Sylvester and Rob Ray.
Oh my god, alix, that makes me want to join a cult! :P
Oh so THAT explains how I woke up with 9 children and Ryan Walter’s face tattooed on my bicep to match my other “Swedes are awesome especially bald onez!” tattoo!
My boobs are named Canucks Stanley Cup attempts and they still barely fill out my bikini! No fair!
Ookies, I just saw the score of both of your games. Yeah…
Meanwhile, the sumo hockey the Thrashers play during intermissions looks like it would be really fun, but really dangerouns.
Good Lord! I’d wake up with double d’s!
So would Schnookie!
Yeah, I’ve been keeping an eye on the Devils score. Boomer just grumbled to me, “It really is unbelievable… except we’ve seen them do it before.”
Oh, and I don’t care really what happens in the Tranny Brides game. All that matters to me is that we’re getting it in HD and on their feed. Beaker City! :D
I thought my cat wanted to go outside, so I walk towards the door, but he stops at his food dish. When I opened the door, he looks at me, then looks at his dish, then back at me as if to say, “Really? Do you need a picture? I’m trying to make this simple for you. I wish I had thumbs cause you’re hopeless.”
“Really? Do you need a picture? I’m trying to make this simple for you. I wish I had thumbs cause you’re hopeless.”
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
That used to be my cat’s general demeanor. :D
So sorry, Schnookie (and Boomer). Want a Sprite?
“Really? Do you need a picture? I’m trying to make this simple for you. I wish I had thumbs cause you’re hopeless.”
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Our cats, fortunately, are not nearly so put-together. We cut down their self-esteem at every opportunity, so they can’t get all high-and-mighty around us. :P
So sorry, Schnookie (and Boomer). Want a Sprite?
Sprites make me think of Marty, who makes me think of the Devils. So no, I do not fucking want a fucking Sprite. :P
So sorry, Schnookie (and Boomer). Want a Sprite?
Or a Kwanzaa Kake?
OOoooh, woops. How about a shot of Jack Daniels?
Or a Kwanzaa Kake?
Only if it’s made with sardine extract.
How about a shot of Jack Daniels?
HA! Much better! :D
Drugs?
Thank god you’re here alix! :P
Our cats, fortunately, are not nearly so put-together. We cut down their self-esteem at every opportunity, so they can’t get all high-and-mighty around us.
Joey has the upper hand in our relationship, and we both know it.
Just brilliant. Val and I enjoyed it!
PS – The real thing looks pretty gross!
Super Drug Lord Alix (complete with cape in Canucks colours) recommends the following recipe for March meltdowns
-1 serving of pot in brownie or in pipe or in those magical filtering volcanos that make your lungs feel like they’re on a cloud.
-1 box of cereal
-1 mickey of alcohol to use instead of milk in box of cereal. I prefer rum, but really tequila or vodka work just as well.
Voila! You feel amazing and won’t remember one minute of the meltdown!
Joey has the upper hand in our relationship, and we both know it.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Boomer is the world’s worst person for spoiling cats, so when Pookie and I got our own, we vowed we would never be like that. Fast forward five years and here’s the scene every evening when we turn off the TV to go to bed: Rollie stands impatiently on the arm of the couch next to where Pookie sits, waiting for Pookie to lay a cardigan down on the cushion for her to sleep on. If Pookie doesn’t put the cardigan down, Rollie sits and stares angrily up the hallway after her, then refuses to sleep on the cushion. If we stay up too late, Rollie will start trying to climb between Pookie and the back cushion of the couch, because dammit, that’s where she sleeps. So my point is that the acorns did NOT fall far from the tree for us. :P
Thanks, pam! I’m glad you enjoyed the post. And yeah, it would seem we were prescient about baked good would best resemble tonight’s Devils game.
alix, :^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
WOOOO HOOOOOO!! We’re going to overtime, Bitches!!! Yeahhhhh!!! Let’s hope for a mutha fuckin shootout yo!!
That’s quite a recipe, alix! But I kinda don’t like cereal… What could I substitute? Corn nuts?
Schnookie, I love Rollie!! Joey absolutely does not like anyone I date. While I’m asleep, he will climb in the middle of the bed and push [name of loser at time] to the outside of the bed as if to stake his claim on me. I’m his bitch and I completely accept it.
Don’t like cereal? *Stoner’s Scooby Doo Noise*
Corn nuts work! Or Pretzels. Or popcorn. Or doritos. Or tortilla chips.
Way to keep that streak alive Sabres. Remember how earlier I said the Sabres were going to win cause I felt it? “It” was gas.
Well, kiss the playoffs goodbye for real now.
I’m fully hopping on the Devils and Canucks/Blackhawks bandwagons. I’m now going to enjoy the final six games of the season without having to do differential calculus every morning.
While I’m asleep, he will climb in the middle of the bed and push [name of loser at time] to the outside of the bed as if to stake his claim on me. I’m his bitch and I completely accept it.
HAHAHA! That’s adorable! Except for the loser at that time. That’s less cute for him. Heh.
Don’t like cereal? *Stoner’s Scooby Doo Noise*
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Okay, popcorn and doritos I can do. :P
And oof. So sorry, Sabres fans. At least you got a point, though, right? *Checks NHL.com for Devils score again* Do they give out regulation points for being down by 5?
Corn nuts work! Or Pretzels. Or popcorn. Or doritos. Or tortilla chips.
I forgot to get animal crackers today at the store! Dammit alix, where were you when I needed you?!
I’m fully hopping on the Devils and Canucks/Blackhawks bandwagons.
We have a bandwagon? I can’t in good conscience recommend that you jump on it, Amy.
Sorry Sabres fans! What’s with Atlanta? They seem to beat all of us, yet are always in the basement.
Amy, that’s a fine choice! Our bandwagon is pretty cooshy. And we have a couple of former Sabres, so you’ll be comfortable already.
*Hands Amy a pot brownie and pictures of scantily clad Canucks.*
Do they give out regulation points for being down by 5?
Only on “everyone gets a point night,” which happens on the third Tuesday of next week.
Do they give out regulation points for being down by 5?
They totally do. If the players are naked.
I forgot to get animal crackers today at the store! Dammit alix, where were you when I needed you?!
So sorry mcguffers! I wasn’t the best StonerSven I could be.
*Hands Amy a pot brownie and pictures of scantily clad Canucks.*
Thanks, alix!
[...] sugar cookies tonight, and she starts rambling here, “In honor of Coach Foxy getting fired today, I’m going to combine butter… sugar… eggs… and fire, and end up with an ax. Because that’s what Coach Foxy got today!” Pause. “That joke knew [...]