Gentle Reader, as you know, we love statistics. Nothing tells the whole story of a hockey season like numbers do, so tonight we’re going to attempt to assign a numerical value to the ’08-’09 New Jersey Devils. Using a system of assigning numbers to the highpoints and lowpoints of the season, we’ll be able to to come to a solid, number-based conclusion about what this season meant. We have a methodology, as all good statisticians do, but we’re not going to explain it because it’s very complicated, and we all only have so much time we want to spend on a Devils post-mortem, right? Let’s just get right to it and crunch some numbers, in no particular order, as they come to mind!
+100: For the season opener, which we attended with Frisby and which allowed us to meet up with a lot of you from the IPB community. It was also a win for the Devils, but anyone from the IPB community who was meeting up with us missed the game-winner because Patty made a point of scoring it while we were all still returning to our seats from the concourse.
+94: For Zach Parise having a season that cemented his status as an NHL superstar.
+26: For Patty Elias breaking the Devils franchise scoring record on St. Patrick’s Day, prompting him to skate out for second star wearing a jaunty green hat.
+29: For the cool kids on the team (ha!) bringing cribbage to the mainstream. Here’s hoping one of them gets that magic 29 point hand some day.
+7: For Paulie Martin becoming a big-minute d-man.
+70: For more MSM types jumping on the “Paulie Martin is underappreciated” bandwagon.
+700: For MSG+ showing us footage of Paulie Martin from his high school football days. Go Elks!
-776: For Paulie Martin proving without a doubt that he has absolutely no finish whatsoever.
-227: For Nik “Talc Boar” Havelid being the single most unpleasant trade-deadline surprise evah.
-1975: For that Flyers fan who tossed a smokebomb on the ice at the very start of the season, setting the tone for the 82+ games to come.
+552: For the crazy run to the wins record after Marty came back from injury. That was as fantastic a time to be a Devils fan as any we can remember, with the fun, and the media attention, and the awesomeness, and the feeling like there was nothing that could ever stop this team…
-553: For the team deciding that, frankly, anything could easily stop them as soon as 552 was won.
+1,940: For not losing in the playoffs to the Rangers. Really, that means an awful lot to us.
-120: For coming up 80 seconds of defensive-zone coverage short.
-45: For bringing Blobby Holik back.
-40: For Brian Rolston getting hurt and then not being the game-changing superhero we were hoping he’d be.
+19: For Travis putting his sophomore slump behind him and anchoring the game-changing superhero line we were hoping the Poppers could be again.
-30,000: For the emergence of Scott Clemmensen: Prover Of Marty’s Overratedness.
+30,030: For Marty coming off the IR like such a house afire that within a week, the name “Scott Clemmensen” was nothing more than a bad dream, or a joke from his first stint with the team.
-180: For Marty playing not unlike Scott Clemmensen down the stretch and for the final two games of the Hurricanes series. And the fourth game of it. And probably the second. We don’t really remember all that well. It’s all like a blur of crap to us now.
-2000: For Brendan Shanahan thinking he was so welcome as a Devil that he could force Pando out of the lineup.
-2000: For Brendan Shanahan settling into the lineup, and, after an initial burst of scoring touch, pretty much just disappearing.
+1494: For Brendan Shanahan somehow still managing to make us grudgingly decide we don’t hate him.
+2020: For Pando’s stoic acceptance of his fate, then kick-assedness when he was finally permitted back into the lineup.
+49: For the Shanny/Pando combo (with a little Madden thrown in) making Sutter have to eat his words about the usefulness of a checking line, and the usefulness of Pando in general.
-8: For the weird feeling we had about Sutter for most of the season as the entire hockey media seemed to assume he was a lame duck.
-100: For the way the injuries and Clemmer and the Pando situation and the one-year deals for Holik and Shanny made this entire season feel like a place-holder while we waited for the real team to come along. It was a strange season for us, with some marvelous high highs but also a feeling throughout that the team was holding us at arm’s length.
So. What does this mean for the Devils season? It means the 2008-2009 Devils are a -894. Definitively. We could explain to you what the context for that number is, but it would take all night, so make of it what you will. And remember, numbers never lie.
If the Devils are a -894, I’d hate to think what the Habs are….
Well, maybe -894 is really good? *Thinks again about last night’s game* Nah. -894 can’t be good. :P
Well, maybe -894 is really good?
Only if you are grading on a very weird-ass curve.
Then again, I wonder what the Sharks would get?
Well, we don’t know what the -894 is on a scale of. I mean, it’s -894 what, exactly? It could be that the maximum score is -893. *Thinks again about last night’s game* Nope. It’s not good. :P
I think the Sharks at least didn’t have the poopy regular-season crap that the Devils were struggling with, so they probably would have a better number. But the Habs? WAY worse. I think the Habs existed this season primarily to make everyone else feel better about their own team’s plight.
So, TG was on HNiC Radio this afternoon on Sirius/XM Channels 97 & 122 (if you have sirius, it is a must listen), and it was one of the funniest interviews of all time. TG is full value, but he prefaces every answer with “Well, yes, (pause) well, no, (pause) well, (deep breath) gives an answer”
+1494: For Brendan Shanahan somehow still managing to make us grudgingly decide we don’t hate him.
Wait, that’s worthy of a positive number?
Wait, that’s worthy of a positive number?
Well, he was genuinely funny in a few interviews, and giving us the gift of laughter should always be worth a positive number. Unless it’s the kind of laughter where you’re only laughing so you don’t cry. Like most of the rest of this team. :P
“Well, yes, (pause) well, no, (pause) well, (deep breath) gives an answer”
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: I do love the intermission interviews with TG and hope we get more of them next season.
Wait, that’s worthy of a positive number?
Come on, that quip about giving Marty his car keys was awesome! Totally worth a positive number! Sigh. This season sucked. :D
Yeah, I guess you’re right. But even a stubborn bastard (me) publicly admitted to actually liking Shanny. So in a sense, he caused me to publicly admit that I was wrong, and I don’t like that. :P
I prefer to think that we were right all along, and Shanny was the one who changed. Heh.
“I think the Habs existed this season primarily to make everyone else feel better about their own team’s plight”
Wait… I thought that’s what the Sharks were for??? I mean, c’mon, we didn’t finish top of the whole league and then crashed out to the DUCKS…..
I prefer to think that we were right all along, and Shanny was the one who changed. Heh.
That must be it! Thank you, Schnookie. That’s the kind of wisdom that keeps me coming back to IPB.
I mean, c’mon, we didn’t finish top of the whole league and then crashed out to the DUCKS…..
Hm. That’s a good point, but I think the Habs’ regular-season was kind of like a six-month version of the Sharks’ first-round flameout. Heh.
That’s the kind of wisdom that keeps me coming back to IPB.
Hee! Well, if we’re good for just one thing around here, it’s never admitting we’re wrong. :D
Day one without Devils hockey………… laid awake at 3 AM in the morning because everytime I closed my eyes I saw that last effin’ Canes goal……dragged myself to work -refused to discuss hockey with anyone…..came home, picked up my # 15 Jersey, used it to wipe a few more tears, threw it in the laundry, took a call from my sister in Chicago who had her family on the speaker phone yelling “repeat after me – let’s go Hawks” ……. GOD, nothing like family to support ya when you feel like you took a puck to the face………………. I am crawling here for you guys to cheer me up!!!!!
Hmmm… I’m not sure how good I’ll be at cheering anyone up. Heh. I’m TOTALLY excited for the next-round matchups, though, Devilslessness aside. So… does that help? No? Rats. I got nothin’.
Hey, wait — let’s all think happy thoughts about NO MORE BLOBBY HOLIK!
I am crawling here for you guys to cheer me up!!!!!
Um… So a snail gets mugged by two turtles… Nah, I got nuthin’! :D
“Hm. That’s a good point, but I think the Habs’ regular-season was kind of like a six-month version of the Sharks’ first-round flameout. Heh.”
Well, maybe, butbutbutbutbutbut….. it’s better to be a loser and lose in the first round than it is to be a winner and lose in the first round… or something like that…. it’s clearly that time of night when my brain shuts down….Point is, the Sharks flaming out makes me feel better about the Habs flaming out. And me feeling good right now is a good thing =p
it’s better to be a loser and lose in the first round than it is to be a winner and lose in the first round…
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Touche! :D
Sounds like Joan needs an ass grab. (From an NHLer)
My condolences Devils fans.
22.5 hours until you guys fall in love with the Canucks in the second round though! WOOOOOOOOO! Old wax hands mysterious waxy ailment is good to go!
Sounds like Joan needs an ass grab. (From an NHLer)
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And, um, alix, you do know we’ve all been arranged tranny-married to the Hawks, right? :P
Awe, the last episode of Brad Miller Time (with Brad Miller as the host) was just put up on youtube. In the last episode they put the highlight of Zach being interviewed at the ASG, when he had to admit he’s known Brad Miller for 7 years and has never been asked to be on the show.
And, um, alix, you do know we’ve all been arranged tranny-married to the Hawks, right? :P
Well yeah, but those arranged-tranny marriages always start out rocky. I figure you guys will have your first fight halfway through game 1 when Soupy does a stupid spinorama and lets the Canucks score, and then Matty just scoots in there with his cab and, VOILA! Canucks become your tranny mistress.
Here is the real irony …. There was a contest running in the Star Ledger last week for 4 free tickets on the restaurant ledge for the next playoff game which happened to be last night ( like I really needed to clarify that) My husband got a phone call from the Devils on Monday telling him he had won. And trust me – we are not the type to win anything Best seats in the Rock that I will ever sit in and probably the most crushing moment I ever witnessed at a game It sucks….!!!!!!!!!
But an ass grab from a NHL-er sounds like a cure all! Do I get to pick who my Dr is?
Of course you do, Joan. Pick your most favourite hockey hubby. No need to get an ass grab from one of the fugs.
Sounds like Joan needs an ass grab.
This sounds like a job for…
(From an NHLer)
…oh, um, nevermind. (Damn you, alix!)
Thanks alix! I feel better now that I can go shopping!
Does anyone want Devils game towels? I think we collected 20 of them off the floor when we were leaving… good for washing cars, dogs, cats and stuff…
Wow, Joan, talk about the best of times and the worst of times! That’s AWFUL! (But that’s so cool that you guys won!) (And, in winning, ultimately lost. :P)
Sounds like Joan needs an ass grab.
This sounds like a job for…
(From an NHLer)
…oh, um, nevermind. (Damn you, alix!)
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::::::::::::::::::::::*gasp*::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
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And alix, I like your faith in the winning-overability of your Canucks. We’ll see… we’ll see. :P
This sounds like a job for…
(From an NHLer)
…oh, um, nevermind. (Damn you, alix!)
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Joan, that’s the saddest story ever! It’s like if O. Henry wrote about hockey fans!
Does anyone think this is odd? Jonathan Toews missed practice today. His 21st birthday is today. His coach said it was just rest.
good for washing cars, dogs, cats and stuff…
Good for bonfires, too. :P
KG, I did see a picture of Jonny Toews with a beer bong the other day. Coincidence? Those prairie boys sure know how to party.
HAHAHAHAHA!! sorry Frisby!
Ladies, I should start producing Canucks bandwagon gift bags. We got tough guys, baby faces, models, Swedes, bald wax men, foxy accents. I’ll include 8 by 10s, pot brownies, cab vouchers, sushi…
Well “innocent” Jonny has been arrested twice. :P
HAHAHA. I think my Toews crush just grew a million sizes.
Bonfires LOL!!! When we got home and I looked at the armload of towels my husband had collected, all I could say to him was WHY??? Why did you collect all of these – needed a souvenir so you wouldn’t forget the disaster? A bonfire would be fitting…sort of like a sacrifice to the hockey gods.
Why did you collect all of these – needed a souvenir so you wouldn’t forget the disaster?
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::: You can’t be too careful with trying to preserve these memories. You’re TOTALLY going to want to remember that game 30 years from now. :P
About these arranged tranny-bride marriages….is there like a court-order that mandates you to a team, or do you get to have a say in who you hook up with?
ohmygod – you don’t have to be a virgin for a tranny marriage do you?
Oh, you can tranny marry whomever you want! The dirtier the better, when you’re talking about trannies. I mean, that’s what makes them trannies, yo (the original, of course, rhymes with “Bliladelphia Blyers”). With the Hawks, though, it was suggested that the Irregulars were too all over the map with the teams we were cheering for in the first round, so Chicago came up as the team most of us could agree on. There was a dowry and everything — a handful of camels, I believe. :D
ohmygod – you don’t have to be a virgin for a tranny marriage do you?
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Uhhh… *Shifty eyes* I didn’t read the fine print in the contract.
We can use the towels to clean up the camel shit! Perfect!
Can we make the Devils players do the camel shit cleanup with the towels?
Nah, they can do it without towels.
Even better.
Nite all – I have to catch up on all the sleep I missed last night.
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…to all of that!
As the procurer of the Tranny Arranged Marriage, allow me to make the argument for the Hawks:
Any good Tranny should be a team that you should not like, but do so anyway. With the Hawks, there is a great deal of material that should arouse intense and immediate (almost autonomic) dislike:
*They overpaid for Soupy in free agency, at the very last pouring salt in the wounds of Buffalo fans – a mistreated, hockey co-dependent fan base if there was one.
*Jonathon Toews and Patrick Kane are incredibly over-hyped. It’s approaching Crosby-and-Ovechkin-esque media coverage, what with the whole “saviors” angle.
*The players have terrible terrible names. A third of them sound like supporting characters in Youngblood. More than half of them sound like they should be in Canada’s answer to Menudo, not playing hockey.
*Their fan base is almost entirely Johnny-come-latelies. Three years ago Chicago had the second worst attendance in the league. Sure there were die-hards. But those sold out crowds? They’re like 75% hockey neophytes or fair-weather fans.
And yet, what should add up to a healthy dislike doesn’t. Instead of their names being irksome, it’s just dorky… almost adorably so. And Kane and Toews are still just kids. They’ve got at least another year before they turn into disgusting celebriplayers that make us want to puke.
And the fact is that the Hawks have been abused and neglected more than any other hockey franchise. Bill Wirtz was one of the worst owners in the history of sports. He wouldn’t put them on local TV during home games. He was incredibly cheap, and he drove talent out of town like he owned a limo company. It’s hard to blame Hawks fans for abandoning ship. And snatching up another city’s local heroes doesn’t seem petty or greedy in this light, it just seems desperate.
Plus there are good things. Patrick sharp isattractive, apparently. They have custom goal songs for players, or Chelsea Dagger (possibly the catchiest goal song ever). Their new owner kicks ass. He sits in the stands, fer chrikes’ sakes and high-fives the guy yelling at the ref. Oh, and there’s the whole Cubs-like longest championship drought in league history.
Let’s face it, the Blackhawks right now are like an irrepressible 6 year old boy. They’re running around making enough noise to give you a migraine, and they’re breaking shit you paid good money for, and generally wrecking all the grown-up fun, and you wish they’d just wear themselves out and take a nap. But they’ve got that priceless, winning, stupid grin on their face that makes you forgive everything and smile too.
I think we’ll be having just a little pre-game BBQ tomorrow before the game. I’ll be sure to keep the wax hands well away from the heat.
Nucks and Hawks! Sure to be grrreat!
Let’s face it, the Blackhawks right now are like an irrepressible 6 year old boy.
That’s a really good analogy, EJGRgunner. They really do strike a pretty remarkable balance between the disgusting and the appealing. That balance has made me mostly apathetic about the Hawks for the last two years, but it’s paying off now in the form of “hooray! I only hate two of the eight teams left!”
I’ll be sure to keep the wax hands well away from the heat.
Good idea. They can hang out on a picnic table, serving as a napkin holder! :D (And a pre-game BBQ sounds awesome! Have fun!)
That really is a great analogy, EJGRgunner! And I agree with Pookie — I’ve been sitting out the “awww! The Hawks are so revitalized and cute!” movement (every time I’ve tried to get on board with them, I’ve ended up feeling pretty meh about them all. Probably because I don’t like Kane or Toews), but now they’re suddenly presenting themselves as the perfect balance of annoying and delightful. And I do love Sharpie and Duncan Keith.
They can hang out on a picnic table, serving as a napkin holder!
Oooh! PERFECT! A Wax Hands BBQ sounds like a delightful pre-game ritual! Especially if they’re doing the napkin-holding.
And good morning, everyone! Did we all survive our night without hockey okay? Boomer and I were reduced to watching basketball and — *SHUDDER* — baseball. It was disgusting.
Did we all survive our night without hockey okay?
BARELY! You think baseball is bad, try watching the last three episodes of Heroes right in a row! My eyeballs are sore from all the rolling.
And I agree, EJGRgunner, they’re just annoying enough, but short of infuriating. I love me some Patrick Sharp and Duncan Keith, too, but Kane and Toews are also kind of growing on me.
You think baseball is bad, try watching the last three episodes of Heroes right in a row! My eyeballs are sore from all the rolling.
Oh my god, Patty, that’s AWFUL! Well, at least that ordeal is over. (Hey, that’s exactly what I said after the final buzzer of G7 of the Devils/Canes series… :P)
I can’t get anything done at work. I hoped that the end of the habs season would allow me to focus a little bit on my life, and on my work, but I was completely wrong. Now I’m wondering… uh maybe it wasn’t hockey after all? … maybe I’m just a lazy procrastinating bastard… Gasp!
Well, at least that ordeal is over. (Hey, that’s exactly what I said after the final buzzer of G7 of the Devils/Canes series… :P)
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Remind me when that show starts up again in the Fall that I do NOT enjoy watching it! I just can’t seem to help myself.
Can I just tell you one part? [kind of a spoiler alert]
uh maybe it wasn’t hockey after all? … maybe I’m just a lazy procrastinating bastard… Gasp!
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ME TOO!
I got through my night of not-hockey with the Mytbusters. I now know what it looks like when you ignite 1,000,000 match heads at the same time. I also heard a great line. Whilest filling up the 40 gallon drum with 1,000,000 match heads Adam askes the explosives expert what they should do if the match heads were to ignite while they were filling the drum. The answer:
“We would have to immediately de-ass the area.”
Now I’m wondering… uh maybe it wasn’t hockey after all? … maybe I’m just a lazy procrastinating bastard… Gasp!
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: I’m coming to that same conclusion! WHO KNEW???
Morgan, that Mythbusters was awesome! We also laughed REALLY hard at the “de-ass the area with speed” line. That was great. I was SO bummed about the lego ball falling apart, though. I wanted to see some car-crushing!
Patty, I will be HAPPY to remind you not to watch “Heroes” ever again. :D
I survived my night without hockey by watching ANTM, Lost and the Idol results show. I forgot to DVR Mythbusters though, darn it.
Jonathon Toews and Patrick Kane are incredibly over-hyped.
And depending on who you talk to in Buffalo, Patrick Kane may also be described as an arrogant little shit.
I do have to blame the Blackhawks for me going out and buying the Fratelli’s cd with Chelsea Dagger on it. It’s a great cd, so it was worth it.
And depending on who you talk to in Buffalo, Patrick Kane may also be described as an arrogant little shit.
Heh. I would have guessed that. So, depending on who you talk to in Central New Jersey, you might hear the same thing. :P
In one part, they’re chasing a kid whose “ability” is controlling machines with his mind. The bad guy chasing him has found his warehouse-hideout and tells his henchmen, “Cut the power!”
Then, to himself, “No electricity, no machines.”
I was yelling that that was the stupidest thing I ever heard!
Patty, I have no idea why you still watch that show. :P
Patty, that was a pretty stupid line. It’s like they think half the audience is made up of complete morons. Did you also notice that during last week’s (or maybe it was the week before) episode that “MattParkman” was the Heroes version of “CoreyPerry”? I swear, in one scene, Matt Parkman was referenced about 27 times.
uh maybe it wasn’t hockey after all? … maybe I’m just a lazy procrastinating bastard… Gasp!
Me three!
ME TOO!
I’m coming to that same conclusion! WHO KNEW???
Me three!
Thank you, I feel better!
Well, considering we have two years of archives showing Pookie and I spend all day every day commenting over here, hockey or no, I think the fact that we’re lazy, procrastinating bastards should not come as a surprise. :P
I am constantly shocked at how much I can get accomplished in a day when I no longer have working internet. It’s AWFUL!
I swear, in one scene, Matt Parkman was referenced about 27 times.
Yes! And remember when Claire was able to drink the college guys under the table and then told her dad it was because her liver regenerates just like everything else? Um… being drunk is a factor of the liquor in your blood. Alcohol damages your liver later. *eyeroll* (Ouch!)
I am constantly shocked at how much I can get accomplished in a day when I no longer have working internet. It’s AWFUL!
Heh. If I have no internet I pretty much can’t work because no internet=no server and all our files? On the server. All I can do without internet is file.
I have lots of work I can do without internet, sadly. In fact, I could probably go days without external internet and not even notice, if I was solely focused on my work. I used to be unsure whether I should complain when the webs are down here, because it would be patently obvious that the reason I even noticed in the first place was because I was trying to check my personal email. :P
Did y’all read the Puck Daddy eulogy for the devils yet?
It’s pretty bland except for the collage of horrified Devils fans collected from newswire photos. It is a rare thing of sadness and hilarity.
Although, it’s nowhere near as funny as that SI photo (99 or 00) of those two flyers fans grabbing each other, eye’s popped out, mouth’s agape mid-squeal as a play unfolds in front of them.
Yeah, that was the most toothless eulogy I’ve ever read on Puck Daddy. For which I’m kind of appreciative. The fan collage was pretty funny, though. (That Flyers fan picture is the most AMAZING THING EVER. I still can’t really wrap my brain around it.)
Yeah, that was the most toothless eulogy I’ve ever read on Puck Daddy.
It really was. I think that’s because it was written by Canes fans. That series wasn’t really about hating each other. For the eulogy to be fun, a Rangers fan should’ve written it. Maybe then it wouldn’t be all about Clemmer getting sent back to Lowell. ::eyeroll::
Wait, you don’t find that an especially touchy subject, Pookie? The fact that Clemmer was the extra goalie who didn’t have to go through waivers isn’t something that just needles at you? What kind of fan are you? :P
I bet I would feel right at home at a ‘Canes game. Those fans seem nice. :D
Wait, you don’t find that an especially touchy subject, Pookie?
No. No, I really don’t find it touchy that Marty Fucking Brodeur didn’t lose his job to his injury replacement. Should I? Calling him this year’s Ty Conklin is overestimating Fleury’s skills a wee bit too much for me.
I don’t entirely understand where the insult is in comparing the Conklin and Clemmer situations. Both were career minor-leaguers, both played well in coming out of nowhere to replace injured starters, and both rightly lost their jobs when the starters came back. Um… it’s just not that big a deal. And if Clemmer’s lucky, he’ll end up playing for a team like Detroit, where he can get solid NHLer money and not have to ever be the reason why his team is winning or losing on any given night. Heh.
Did you see Travis agreed to play for Team Canada at the Worlds?
And Teppo didn’t make the final list of Masterton noms. Fricking Chelios makes the list, but not the guy who came back from open heart surgery? Did Cheli promise the hockey writers free food at his restaurant if they voted him in? The mind is boggled.
and not have to ever be the reason why his team is winning or losing on any given night. Heh.
Detroit’s all: “Wait . . . did you see Osgood this year? He was totally the reason we lost on many given nights.”
Wait, wasn’t Chelios a Masterton finalist last year too? The hell?
Detroit’s all: “Wait . . . did you see Osgood this year? He was totally the reason we lost on many given nights.”
Heh. Well, Osgood’s in a class of his own. I hate Scott Clemmensen, but I still think he’s better than Osgood. :P
And I hope Travis has fun playing at the Worlds!
Only 5 more hours! SQUEE!
I’d better get a wiggle on then. I have dandelions to mow.
See you guys soon!
Is hockey on yet? How about now?
How about now?
Is now a good time to have hockey on?
SQUEE! My babies are back soon!
It’s almost time!
The power of the wax hands not only helps the Canucks win, but keeps us all safe from the Swine Flu! Yay!
Thanks, Wax Hands!
While I’d love to join in the Tranny goodness tonight, I am too tempted by the Bulls-Celts.
How about now? Is it time now?!
In the immortal words of Daffy Duck, “WHY DON’T IT GET HERE?!?”
I am too tempted by the Bulls-Celts.
I haven’t been following the NBA at all (in the last 14 years) — what’s the series at?
How about now? Is it time now?!
Soon! Soon! Only 15 minutes!
I haven’t been following the NBA at all (in the last 14 years) — what’s the series at?
I’m a Sabres, Habs, Celtics fan. How the @#$% do you think it’s going?
Evening everyone! :)
**presses nose against the glass**
Open! Open! Open!
3-2 Celts. This has been a great series.
Evening, mcguffers! I guess that says it all, eh? I should go put all my money on Chicago.
Evening, mcguffers! I guess that says it all, eh? I should go put all my money on Chicago.
As a Bulls fan, I’d really rather you not.
Heh. Boston is (currently) winning the series, but it’s been ulcer inducing. Double overtimes. 2-3 point games. And we’re missing Kevin Garnett.
Yeah, there’s no way this series is this tight if Garnett was playing.
OH! The game is about to start. But first, an update on the Swine Flu!
I’m waiting for Pierce to do one of those Versus helmet commercials now. I got home in time to see him nursing a nose bleed.
**presses nose against the glass**
Open! Open! Open!
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Okay. I was about to congratulate Pete Kane on finally getting a less-crunchy* haircut. Then they showed Toews with his new mutton-chops. :P
*Actual crunchiness, not Crunchy the goalie. :P
(me seeing towels on chairs behind Toews): “Woah. Now THAT’S a muthafucking white out!…. Oh. Those are towels on empty seats.”
Do you guys get Don Cherry?
Huzzah!
Do you guys get Don Cherry?
Thank God, no. (Although we do get HNIC, so I have seen him before.)
Do you guys get Don Cherry?
What, like on a philosophical level?
Yes! On a philosophical level. Exactly. Heh.
Oh I’m so excited. SQUEE!
I was gonna say. I’ve seen him, but I don’t get him.
And Opera Man is singing. I love how he rolls his rrrrs…
What, like on a philosophical level?
Oh, in that case, no, a thousand times no!
Carol, we’re getting the Versus pre-game show, so luckily no Don Cherry. :P
Count yourselves lucky if you dont’ get Don Cherry…..
What, like on a philosophical level?
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
You guys, I just made brownies, and for the first time, I used this unsweetened chocolate. I want to marry it. I didn’t have to chop anything, it was super-easy to weigh, and it melted like a dream. And that’s my story. You should all run out and get this baking chocolate. Right now. :P
Is Don wearing some really cool shirt that is completely covering his neck?
Mmmm! Brownies!
The HD on Versus is a little beady tonight.
I want brownies now…. =(
Funny, he doesn’t look Burish.
Is Don wearing some really cool shirt that is completely covering his neck?
He wears great big old fashioned collars with crazy jackets. It’s his “style”.
Funny, he doesn’t look Burish.
:^::::::::::::::
Don Cherry’s style… better or worse than Vancouver’s 1970s stewardess look?
I don’t understand the pronunciation of Toews’ name.
Come on, Havlat! I paid good camels for this!
Don Cherry’s style… better or worse than Vancouver’s 1970s stewardess look?
Oh, much, much worse.
Toews mutton-chops are more like lambchops and are really sad.
And Burish needs a haircut.
The HD on Versus is a little beady tonight.
Ours looks fine… Maybe you’re sitting too close to the TV? :P
Come on, Havlat! I paid good camels for this!
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What’s with the VS scoreboard? They made the text supersmall, but there’s so much extra graphics junk. Has it been like this all along? We haven’t had to watch on Versus much this playoffs. I’m finding it totally distracting!
That was weird. The Canucks are making mistakes they don’t usually make.
I think I’m gonna be a pain in the ass, and go with Vancouver on this one. Wait, wait! I can back it up with a reason. Soupy’s really annoying. I mean really. Have you guys seen his varicose veins and excessive sweating commercials? Check youtube.
Nice defense, Hawks!
The Canucks are making mistakes they don’t usually make.
That’s funny, the Canucks never vomit at home!
Fun fact, Chicago has 20 players on their roster that are 25 or younger. That means I’m old enough to be their official team mom.
That’s funny, the Canucks never vomit at home!
Hee!
Ours looks fine… Maybe you’re sitting too close to the TV? :P
I’m like The Princess and the Pea when it comes to HD. I’m very easily annoyed by it when there’s a white border around everything. :D
What’s with the VS scoreboard?
I noticed it just tonight, too. They even have little HD flaps that only we HD people can see.
That means I’m old enough to be their official team mom.
Is it your turn to bring juice boxes?
That means I’m old enough to be their official team mom.
Is it your turn to bring juice boxes?
Did you bring them all to the game in your mini-van?
Is it your turn to bring juice boxes?
Ha!
Dang, I knew I should have gotten the bigger cooler with wheels.
Did you bring them all to the game in your mini-van?
Hmm.
Dang, I knew I should have gotten the bigger mini-van.
Nice kill so far.
…isn’t a bigger mini-van just a van?
Yay!!
Crap. I knew when I was typing it, it was a bad idea.
…isn’t a bigger mini-van just a van?
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…isn’t a bigger mini-van just a van?
EJGRgunner you are a genius!
…isn’t a bigger mini-van just a van?
That’s deep.
Do the Rangers and Canucks have the same goal song?
Ok, Hawks, you are not supposed to be the team getting all the penalties. That is supposed to be the Canucks job.
If you want ice cream after the game, no more penalties.
Poop.
…isn’t a bigger mini-van just a van?
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
…isn’t a bigger mini-van just a van?
Actually, I only have a station wagon. :P
If you want ice cream after the game, no more penalties.
But Mrs. Myra, you prooooomised!
mcguffers: I’m calling another OT. Which sucks because everybody but Rose is in foul trouble for Chicago.
But Mrs. Myra, you prooooomised!
Jonathan, I made no promises. Now go wash that marker off you face, you look ridiculous.
But Mrs. Myra, you prooooomised!
Jonathan, I made no promises. Now go wash that marker off you face, you look ridiculous.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
My step mother had an old Buick station wagon. We called it the land yacht.
…and that’s great. Another OT. The Bulls are trying to kill me.
I’m calling another OT.
Again! These games are driving me nuts.
Mrs. Kane always gets us ice cream after the game.
>-P
Suck it Hawks lovers! I hope your camels spit on you! :D
Hey! Did you not read my argument for the Hawks marriage? I demand all ripostes be annotated and researched!
Mrs. Kane always gets us ice cream after the game.
Yes, but I’m not Mrs. Kane and my child is not described as an arrogant little shit. You have to earn your ice cream with me.
You have to earn your ice cream with me.
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EJGR, the Canucks are my primary hubby. I ignore all Hawks propaganda :)
EJGR, the Canucks are my primary hubby.
I’m just banging them now that my primary hubby and my primary boyfriend have lost interest in hockey.
I made some Vietnamese coffee popsicles for a treat. They are going over well.
We have some stinky boys over for the game.
My step mother had an old Buick station wagon. We called it the land yacht.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
We had an old Buick station wagon when I was a kid. We called it the USS [last name].
I’m just banging them now that my primary hubby and my primary boyfriend have lost interest in hockey.
HAHAHAHA! I’m pretending my primary hubby doesn’t exist. I’m pretending I was never married to him in the first place. Wait, who? No, the only marriage I’ve ever had was to a tranny.
Ooh, Carol, Vietnamese coffee popsicles sounds DELICIOUS! And I guess stinky boys are okay… It kind of depends on what kinds of boys, and what kinds of stink, I guess. :P
We called it the USS [last name].
So the USS (In Dallas)?
Hey Alix, did you notice that Old Wax Hands isn’t growing a Play Off beard? What’s up with that?
Wait, who? No, the only marriage I’ve ever had was to a tranny.
I can see how that might put you off of commitment for a while.
Mmmm coffee popsicles sound deelish! And refreshing!
So the USS (In Dallas)?
:^::::::::::::::::::::
My step mother had an old Buick station wagon. We called it the land yacht.
Mines not that big, a Honda Accord “Sport” wagon from the last year they made them. So it’s kinda old, ok, really old but I just can’t seem to part with it.
So the USS (In Dallas)?
HA! Exactly right.
My step mother had an old Buick station wagon. We called it the land yacht.
My first car was a hand me down Olds station wagon called the shaggin’ wagon. I loved that car.
Whaddya think mcguffers, double OT?
Hey Alix, did you notice that Old Wax Hands isn’t growing a Play Off beard? What’s up with that?
I don’t think wax can grow beards.
So the USS (In Dallas)?
Huh? Oh! :^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Yup, they really are good. Just coffee and condensed milk mixed together, a little extra brown sugar for good measure and you put them in the freezer. I have some old school popsicle containers.
Maybe I should make popsicles my “thing” this summer.
How about spinach ones?
Hey Alix, did you notice that Old Wax Hands isn’t growing a Play Off beard? What’s up with that?
I did, carol! Weird. I know he had one in series 1. He must have shaved…I guess it got too waxy.
EJGR, this is getting a little ridiculous.
Yahoo! By the power of the Wax Hands!
Doublemint poopie.
How about spinach ones?
No asparagus?!
I guess it got too waxy.
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OK, this game sucks! Come on, Camelhawks! Fight back!
Maybe I should make popsicles my “thing” this summer.
How about spinach ones?
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: If not spinach, then you must try asparagus. Or asparag-ASS.
TWINSIES! WOOO!
I’m pretending my primary hubby doesn’t exist. I’m pretending I was never married to him in the first place.
I think my primary hubby is gone off the grid to bedazzle his own line of dog toys to sell in his own clothing store. The boyfriend probably got kidnapped by the Russian mob.
For the curious, here are the final scores for the Bulls-Celts series so far:
Bulls 105, Celts 103 (OT)
Celts 118, Bulls 115
Celts 107, Bulls 86
Bulls 121, Celts 118 (2OT)
Celts 106, Bulls 104 (OT)
And this game just went to double OT.
watching this game is giving me Devils flashbacks…….
I swear Hanky Panky and Danny changed sweaters late in the season.
And the Celtics just lost Perkins.
Ass-peragus popsicles sound delish. I’ll just blend them up in the blender and pour them in the molds. Yummers on a hot, sultry day!
I think my primary hubby is gone off the grid to bedazzle his own line of dog toys to sell in his own clothing store. The boyfriend probably got kidnapped by the Russian mob.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: I wish my primary hubby was doing something even remotely that interesting. No, my primary hubby is just doing the same old boring shit, the same old coming up short in the clutch. Ifyouknowwhatimean. (No, that “Ifyouknowwhatimean” makes it sound too interesting. My primary hubby doesn’t deserve that. :P)
My tranny hubby is still adorable and incompetent and needs my tender loving because it’s having all kinds of shoulder surgery. Poor dear.
Yummers on a hot, sultry day!
Definitely! (I think Pookie would kill me if I offered her an ASS-peragus popsicle. Or an asperag-ASS one.)
No, my primary hubby is just doing the same old boring shit, the same old coming up short in the clutch. Ifyouknowwhatimean.
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: I know have a mental picture of the Devils personified as Al Bundy.
This is random, but it just occurred to me that it might not be the same everywhere is. Versus is channel 69 for me. Does anyone else have that? It’s immature, but it makes me giggle sometimes.
MR BEEFY!
I wish my primary hubby was doing something even remotely that interesting. No, my primary hubby is just doing the same old boring shit, the same old coming up short in the clutch. Ifyouknowwhatimean. (No, that “Ifyouknowwhatimean” makes it sound too interesting. My primary hubby doesn’t deserve that. :P)
My tranny hubby is still adorable and incompetent and needs my tender loving because it’s having all kinds of shoulder surgery. Poor dear.
Oh come on now. You’ve gone too far. You’re primary hubby almost got killed during an attempted kidnapping in Brazil on a business trip this season. Sure, when he got home he completely fell apart. And now he managed to amputate his leg with a lawn mower.
But now you’re over at your Tranny’s house nursing him back to health because he got a ‘lil boo-boo. I don’t care how bad things are going with your hubby, that’s just wrong.
…know what we haven’t had yet mcguffers? A triple OT.
You’re primary hubby almost got killed during an attempted kidnapping in Brazil on a business trip this season. Sure, when he got home he completely fell apart. And now he managed to amputate his leg with a lawn mower.
I used to have a lot of sympathy for him when that happened, but then he went and did it again, and again, and again. Frankly, hubby, the “I almost got killed in a failed kidnapping attempt in Brazil and now I have PTSD” schtick has worn painfully thin. If you REALLY need me — and I don’t mean if you cut your leg off with a lawnmower AGAIN — you know where to find me.
How, that’s an even better analogy than the Blackhawks-as-little-kid! Nicely done! But, it should be noted that while I was stoking the homefires for my kidnapped hubby, his skeevy business partner (and his $30,000 teeth) moved in and everyone was telling me that I should forget my hubby and just accept that the skeevy business partner was the one for me.
We never almost lost Marty before.
And now he managed to amputate his leg with a lawn mower.
That’s why you don’t drink and drive a ride on lawnmower. I’m talking to you too, Dad!!
We never almost lost Marty before.
Meh. We almost lost Patty.
And we DID lose Stevens.
SWEET!
…know what we haven’t had yet mcguffers? A triple OT.
*bangs head on desk*
WOOOOOOOOOO!! Poor, poor Welly. His face is going to look like a rotton steak.
You can’t compare Marty and Patty. Patty hasn’t been there for all the good times. And Patty’s never carried the team on his own. He’s always needed the right linemates (A-Line, EGG line).
And when we lost Stevens, it wasn’t a Brazilian kidnapping. Scotty got hurt at the end of the last pre-lockout season. He didn’t come back after. We had a year to prepare. Marty was almost gone in an instant.
uhh what do you think…. Canucks take the series in 4 with the Hawks calling in their score on the last game…?
Seriously. Triple OT.
I thought follow-through high-sticks weren’t penalized.
(I only have the one replay to go by, so I wouldn’t argue it in court or anything. But Strader said “follow-through.”)
Scotty got hurt at the end of the last pre-lockout season.
Scotty spent half of that season having been kidnapped by Brazilians and no one was willing to talk about it. It was the creepiest, weirdest injury ever. It was like he was dead, and was never to be spoken of again. That was WAY stranger and more damaging to the team than Marty’s injury. :P
We never almost lost Marty before.
Yeah, but the issue isn’t Marty’s injury. Check out the post we put up tonight to see what we think the issue is! :D
I’ve been thinking about this for the past couple of days now. I really think this is my favorite Devils team that didn’t win the cup. What they did this year was amazing. I’ve never carried what hockey writers say about the Devils, because most of them never bothered to learn the history of the trap; the whole Clemmer proves Marty’s overrated thing never got to me. Winning without Marty was just unbelievably fun this year. Watching everything come together so perfectly, even for only a couple of months, was fantastic. Yah, they broke my heart, but I don’t think I’ve ever enjoyed a regular season so much.
Ugh. I’m gonna go out on a limb and say we’re not going into quadruple overtime.
I don’t think I’ve ever enjoyed a regular season so much.
Ah. Well, that might be why we’re disagreeing on this. This was one of my least favorite regular season Devils teams. Hm. That’s what makes a horse race!
I loved how this team played without Marty, and I loved the way they played when he first came back from injury, but personally I actually never really felt very connected to them. My favorite non-Cup team was the 2005-2006 one, with the way they played after they gave Larry a nervous breakdown and Patty came back. :D
For me, the regular season the past 10 years or so has always felt like a tune-up for a certain playoff berth. This year I didn’t think they’d make it. As bad as they were down the stretch the year before, with Marty hurt, then Rolston going down, I just hoped they’d hold it together long enough to be able to make a late run into a low seed when Marty came back.
Instead, they completely exceeded my expectations. That hadn’t happened in so long, that it was unbelievably fun.
I feel just the opposite. ’06 felt weird for me all along. Robinson bailing, the Mogilny fiasco, the crappy free agents we signed, it never felt right to me. That’s probably the Devils team I feel least connected to.
Wow, we’re like TOTAL opposites! :D
…I heart Derrick Rose.
I will grant you that it was exciting that they did exceed the expectations everyone had in November. I guess I just feel like by the time January rolled around, I had to change my expectations back to assuming they’d make a long playoff run.
Congrats, EJGRgunner. At least it’s freakin over.
Seriously?! The Blackhawks scored the second I went to Versus.
Sorry. I think I got serious all over the open thread.
I’m not sure where to “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”
Here or the next post?
Oh, well.
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Hawks finally score.
Why do I always pick the underdog?
Sorry. I think I got serious all over the open thread.
Just start talking about grabbing a tranny hooker’s ass with funfetti covered wax hands. It’ll be all good.
Oh crap.
My season this year was SERIOUSLY dampened by the Pando Situation. This was very much a non-favorite year. :P
I think I got serious all over the open thread.
Blame the Hawks for not making the game more interesting!
mcguffers, I’m so sorry about your basketball team losing too!
Just start talking about grabbing a tranny hooker’s ass with funfetti covered wax hands. It’ll be all good.
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I agree with EJGRgunner – I fell in love with the team this year. I felt they became a stronger team for not giving up when Marty when down. I loved the excitement of the Poppers – and the sheer joy that Zach brings to every game. They all came together to make it work in spite of injuries. And even though it was a roller coaster ride., it was exhilarating…….. until the coaster derailed!
mcguffers, I’m so sorry about your basketball team losing too!
Thanks, Pookie, but I’m all good! I don’t take basketball as seriously as hockey. Which is kind of funny, seeing as how the Celts have been a really good team and the Sabres have, well, been the Sabres.
WTF? NO! Please…NO! UGH!
Off topic – I have wicked razor burn under my left arm. OUCH.
Wow, Carol, it’s suddenly shaping up to be a bad night, between the Hawks scoring two goals AND the razor burn! :P
FUCK. NO.
Who the hell is 33 for the Hawks? Did he suddenly think this was the all-star game? Puck-juggling? In the playoffs? It really has been a while for Chicago.
Hmm. This game is getting interesting.
I’m going to guess that at least a third of the stories about this game will mention the word “rust” in regards to the Canucks.
Man, we missed the big comeback because we turned on “Medium” from this past Monday. Our payoff was that this week’s killer basically lived at our old address in Scottsdale. I’m… not sure that’s better than the hockey game. :P
I’m counting on Kesler to score next. COME. ON.
Anyone else find the Sedin twins kind of creepy?
motherfucking swede on a meatball.
The Sedin’s are very “Children of the Corn” – Lorne Sear (a stinky boy over watching the game with us.
Thank goodness! Sami Salo! SWEET!
I luffs them though. Creepiness and all.
I NEVER LEARN!
Do the Sedins ever actually talk? I’ve only seen national stories about them, and I can’t remember them ever being quoted. It seems like they always make statements through their agent.
alix, I think the Canucks and the Rangers have the same goal song. That’s not cook.
I luffs them though. Creepiness and all.
Me too, red hairs and all. Heh.
I like the Canucks fans who have their beers raised while their swinging the towels. I hope they remember which hand has which in it.
Do the Sedins ever actually talk? I’ve only seen national stories about them, and I can’t remember them ever being quoted.
I believe they just make soft peeping noises when they speak.
And I wasn’t listening to the goal song — I’m going to go back in a minute to check, and if it’s the same one as the Rangers use, the Canucks are DEAD. TO. ME. :P
Yup. They talk – you can see here – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sY_Yf4zz-yo
Maybe they only speak their secret twin language.
Hmm. The Canucks bandwagon has comfy seats and cup holders.
Nope, that’s not the Rangers goal song. The Canucks dodged a bullet. :P
I believe they just make soft peeping noises when they speak.
Our whole house is in hysterics with that comment, Schnookie! Well done!
The Sedins talk a little but they’re pretty shy and polite. They own racehorses. They’re pretty awesome.
WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! SALO!! I luffs him!!
Well, congratulations Canucks fans! Hawks, you owe me a camel.
Carol, I don’t want to hear the Sedins speak! I want to continue to believe in the soft peeping!
(And alix, my uncle owns racehorses. While I like my uncle a great deal, I don’t find that especially charming. You’re going to have to come up with something better than that to win me over. :P)
By the power of the Wax Hands! Phew. That was a squeaker. But we’ll take it.
No thanks, guffers. I don’t think I can get past the unis that remind me of Ozark Airline.
No, really, Schnookie, you want to click on the link. Trust.
PHEW! I didn’t think so, Schnookie, but even I was reconsidering my primary marriage. HAHAHAHA.
I like the Canucks fans who have their beers raised while their swinging the towels. I hope they remember which hand has which in it.
Yeah, we’re kind of bad ass. The sippy cups make that work.
And alix, my uncle owns racehorses. While I like my uncle a great deal, I don’t find that especially charming. You’re going to have to come up with something better than that to win me over. :P)
Hmmmm…have you seen the Swedish twins ad?
EJGR, at least it’s not those black, orange, and yellow V things.
At least we both finished the night 1 for 2.
You mean this one alix? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdXPcGCCUjQ
PLEASE WATCH IT SCHNOOKIE!!!
That’s true. The V thing was a low point. But the uni think isn’t Vancouver specific. I feel the same way about the Seahawks and the Mariners. And the Marlins.
Epitome of hot hockey player…
wtf. That was supposed to be a link, not the flipping video. You prally want to delete that.