Advice Week: Looch Edition « Interchangeable Parts

Advice Week: Looch Edition

May 12, 2009 by Pookie

Dear Looch,

I am a college student with very little discretionary income, and I have been invited to spend the upcoming holiday weekend at my roommate’s parents’ house in the Hamptons . I know it’s polite for me to bring a gift of thanks for my hosts, but my gift budget is pretty tight. What would you recommend?

Dierdre, Hartford CT

Dear Dierdre,

Looch not see this as problem. Looch see tight budget as opportunity to be creative with gift. Last time Looch invite friend to ~~lair~~ ~~bell tower~~ house, Looch so touched by host gift given — can of premium motor oil. That what Looch would bring if going to Dierdre’s friends’ house. If Dierdre’s friends’ house specially fancy, Looch suggest Dierdre go to thrift store and find pretty bowl for serving motor oil too.

–Looch

Dear Looch,

With summer approaching, my annual seasonal anxiety is rearing its ugly head. You see, I love fresh melon, but I have no idea how to choose them in the grocery store! Help!

Bev, Fresno CA

Dear Bev,

Looch also love melons. Looch love melons so much. Looch not have trouble getting melons now that Looch NHL star, but back when Looch just baby hunchback band geek, Looch only able to dream of melons. Looch get advice from teammates about where to get best melons, and now go only to strip club they recommend. Looch hit ~~melon-iest~~ prettiest stripper over head with hockey stick to get her to go back to Looch’s ~~hovel~~ ~~pit~~ apartment with Looch, but if Bev not have hockey stick on hand, brick work just as good.

–Looch

Dear Looch,

In an effort to eat more healthfully this year, I’m trying to work more fish into my diet. Do you have any recipes or serving suggestions?

Gladys, Salt Lake City UT

Dear Gladys,

Fish very good for Gladys. Good for Gladys to eat more. Looch eat lots of fish because fish full of oil that make Looch’s ~~pelt~~ hair shiny. Looch have favorite fish recipe:

1 fish head, skeleton attached
1 plate

Combine fish head and plate. Eat.

–Looch

Dear Looch,

My wife is from a very well-to-do family and every year we must attend a large family gathering at a swanky club in Manhattan. I love my wife and her family, but I dread this annual tradition. I can never remember which forks to use and it makes me so nervous. Help!

Joseph, Oyster Bay NY

Dear Joseph,

Looch feel Joseph’s pain. Looch also nervous about using forks. Looch usually opt for no fork as ~~paws~~ hands do just fine. But Looch also know life as NHLer means fancy-dancy dinners with no notice, so every night before going to sleep in back of cave, Looch study table setting diagram and Looch not let Looch go to sleep until all forks are memorized for one more night. Looch suggest Joseph do the same.

–Looch

Dear Looch,

I’m hosting a family reunion this summer and I don’t know how to send out the invites. There are so many hyphenated names, and doctors, and unmarried cohabitants. It’s too much to keep track of! Is there some way to politely address these invites without having to deal with specifics?

Polly, Telluride CO

Dear Polly,

Looch love parties! Especially parties with hot unmarried cohabitants! Send invite to Mister Doctor Looch-Looch c/o Looch’s Sinkhole, Boston. Consider this Looch’s RSVP. But if Looch was in Polly’s shoes, Looch would write a big X in the recipient’s favorite color on a rock and would then throw rock at recipient’s ~~cave~~ house. Recipient will be so impressed with the artful delivery, recipient won’t quibble about address. Problem solved the Looch Way!

–Looch

Dear Looch,

I absolutely adore columbines, and have a number of them planted in my yard. I like to cut them and bring them inside to enjoy more, but they die so quickly! What can I do to get my cut flowers to live longer?

Marjorie, Carson City NV

Dear Marjorie,

Looch very sad to say best advice Looch can give to keep flowers alive is to keep Looch away. Flowers die whenever Looch look at them. Looch sad. Looch not mean to kill pretty flowers! Also, Looch hear a pinch of baking soda in water will work wonders.

–Looch

Dear Looch,

I am constantly bullied by my co-workers. What can I do to fight back more effectively?

Mike K., Montreal QC

Dear Mike K.,

[Insert one devastating punch here.]

Hugs and Kisses, Looch

Posted in Laffs, Milan Lucic | 200 Comments

200 Responses

on May 12, 2009 at 8:23 pm Amy

Aww, Looch! Looch give good advice to confused. Looch make Amy laugh with melon story and advice to Mike in Montreal.

Seriously, I love that you went from discussing melons and their various uses to quoting Emily Post. You don’t see that on every hockey blog.
on May 12, 2009 at 8:27 pm Schnookie

Thanks, Amy! We owe alix for recommending we have a Looch column because we hadn’t been planning to write one. This ended up being way, way fun. (And it’s the melons/Emily Post juxtaposition that keeps IPB head and shoulders above the rest. Heh.)
on May 12, 2009 at 8:28 pm Schnookie

Oh, and notice that as soon as we posted this, Looch went and made an awesome passing play that led to a long discussion on Blersus about how he’s not just about brutality — he’s also got soft hands. I thought, “How true,” as a single tear trickled down my cheek. :P
on May 12, 2009 at 8:47 pm Patty (in Dallas)

Also, Looch hear a pinch of baking soda in water will work wonders.

:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
on May 12, 2009 at 8:51 pm mcguffers

I totally guessed Looch would be doing his thing tonight! I just got home in time for a Marc Savard interview. Then I see the score. Then i get a call from my mom. So “1 fish head- skeleton attached and 1 plate” made my night. I also peed a little.
on May 12, 2009 at 8:54 pm Schnookie

I’m glad we could help, mcguffers. :P (And seriously, we’d had no intention of doing a Looch column [that's what she said], but alix suggested it, and we were like, “BRILLIANT!” Now our plans for the rest of the week have been all thrown off. :P)
on May 12, 2009 at 8:58 pm mcguffers

I figured Looch would have been top of you list, if nothing more than to slam Komi. (Slam Komi, mmmmm…)

Uh, and I feel kind of bad that during the Savard interview I said, “I hope you get your ass kicked, Good Charlotte.” I didn’t actually want harm to come to him.
on May 12, 2009 at 9:01 pm alix

:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

BEAUTIFUL!! I love Looch!!
on May 12, 2009 at 9:02 pm Schnookie

After all those years of being an inveterate diver with the Rangers, I always think, “Serves you right!” whenever I see Savard get hurt. Heh.

(Slam Komi, mmmmm…)

*Shudder* :P
on May 12, 2009 at 9:08 pm Schnookie

I don’t think I’ve seen Tim Thomas give up a good goal yet in this series.
on May 12, 2009 at 9:08 pm mcguffers

I’m shocked. I always thought the Rangers took a tough stance against diving.
on May 12, 2009 at 9:08 pm Schnookie

And thanks, alix! For the suggestion for the post and for liking it! :D
on May 12, 2009 at 9:10 pm Patty (in Dallas)

Poor Looch! It takes a thick skin to be a fave of the Ookies! :P

Still, combine fish and plate, eat, is effing hilarious.
on May 12, 2009 at 9:10 pm Schnookie

I’m shocked. I always thought the Rangers took a tough stance against diving.

:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Maybe that’s why Savard didn’t take in New York. Or maybe it’s because he was a good young player…
on May 12, 2009 at 9:11 pm Erin

Mega funny post. Love it.
on May 12, 2009 at 9:11 pm Schnookie

It takes a thick skin to be a fave of the Ookies! :P

It does. It really does. :P
on May 12, 2009 at 9:11 pm Pookie

It takes a thick skin to be a fave of the Ookies! :P

:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::: It does. NHLers would be best to keep their heads down around us.
on May 12, 2009 at 9:16 pm mcguffers

It takes a thick skin to be a fave of the Ookies! :P

Mike Komisarek: “They must think I’m a fucking rockstar then.”
on May 12, 2009 at 9:17 pm Patty (in Dallas)

Or maybe it’s because he was a good young player…

HAHA!
on May 12, 2009 at 9:20 pm Schnookie

Mike Komisarek: “They must think I’m a fucking rockstar then.”

HA! He wishes. It takes a thick skin to be our fave, and a thicker one to be someone we don’t like. :P (What I’m trying to say is that we’re very mean. Heh heh.)
on May 12, 2009 at 9:23 pm mcguffers

I’m going to find it very amusing when he signs with the Devils this year. :P
on May 12, 2009 at 9:25 pm Schnookie

I will proceed to love him passionately if he’s a Devil. Unless he’s a Holik-style Devil. Or worse yet, a Havelid-style one. In which case I will rag on him MERCILESSLY.
on May 12, 2009 at 9:26 pm Schnookie

Komisarek would fill a gaping hole for the Devils, actually, now that Gio’s leaving. I mean, without Gio, we don’t have a guy who will always get beat up by a specific Bruin.
on May 12, 2009 at 9:27 pm Pookie

we don’t have a guy who will always get beat up by a specific Bruin.

:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Komi walked right into that one.
on May 12, 2009 at 9:33 pm Schnookie

And WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! for the Bruins!
on May 12, 2009 at 9:33 pm mcguffers

:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: to both of you!

I am going to hope that whichever team he signs with won’t be a bunch of spoiled alcoholic assholes who piss away an entire season (still love you guys, but sheesh). And, in that case, he will not become so enraged at his team’s overall lack of effort and emotion that he will not have to go into any fights half-cocked. (Cause I definitely want him full cocked. Ha! I said it!)
on May 12, 2009 at 9:34 pm Schnookie

(Cause I definitely want him full cocked. Ha! I said it!)

:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: I can’t remember the last time a Devil was full cocked. In other words, he’ll fit right in.
on May 12, 2009 at 9:38 pm Patty (in Dallas)

Mmmmm… Patrice Bergeron.
on May 12, 2009 at 9:39 pm mcguffers

Word, Patty. Word
on May 12, 2009 at 9:40 pm Patty (in Dallas)

I’m thinking about the Saskatoon airport right now, so I will pass on the comment that occurred to me.
on May 12, 2009 at 9:44 pm Patty (in Dallas)

I swear, I can not make myself go into a Quiznos while these commercials are running.
on May 12, 2009 at 9:44 pm Schnookie

No, no, Patty, don’t stop on account of the Saskatoon Airport! :P
on May 12, 2009 at 9:47 pm mcguffers

The Saskatoon Airport has had to shower in holy water since finding this blog.
on May 12, 2009 at 9:49 pm Schnookie

The Saskatoon Airport has had to shower in holy water since finding this blog.

:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: So true! I’d feel sorry for it, but it’s its own damn fault for being such a prude.
on May 12, 2009 at 9:51 pm mcguffers

I can’t remember the last time a Devil was full cocked.

As a fan of two teams of male whores, I’d like them to be a little less cocked sometimes.
on May 12, 2009 at 9:57 pm mcguffers

Wanna hear the synopsis of The Rock’s new movie “Tooth Fairy”?

A bad deed on the part of a tough minor-league hockey player (Johnson) results in an unusual sentence: He must serve one week as a real-life tooth fairy.

That should almost be as good as “The Love Guru.”
on May 12, 2009 at 10:02 pm Schnookie

That should almost be as good as “The Love Guru.”

:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: It sounds like a plot from a book put out by IPB Publishing.
on May 12, 2009 at 10:03 pm cry me an ice rink

I just got home from work and am doing my requisite hockey blog reading before bed, and ladies, you have outdone yourselves. Pure brilliance from the Ookies.
on May 12, 2009 at 10:05 pm Schnookie

Thanks, cry me an ice rink! :D
on May 12, 2009 at 10:05 pm mcguffers

Schnookie, it totally does!
on May 12, 2009 at 10:10 pm Pookie

Oh, you’ll never guess what I heard today! A colleague made a reference to that “buy me a hamburger on Tuesday” Popeye thing that Patty and Myra were talking about the other day. I was like, “Ha ha ha! I totally know what you’re talking about. Yes, funny. Ha ha ha!” :D
on May 12, 2009 at 10:11 pm Schnookie

Gee, you know what my playoff experience was woefully lacking? Brian Rafalski. Thank goodness that’s being remedied tonight.
on May 12, 2009 at 10:24 pm mcguffers

I was like, “Ha ha ha! I totally know what you’re talking about.

See, Saskatoon?! It’s not all about filth and debauchery here! There’s worldly knowledge shared yo!
on May 12, 2009 at 10:25 pm Schnookie

What the hell was that just a commercial for? Versus wants me to watch YouTube clips, but Versus-ified? Huh?
on May 12, 2009 at 10:30 pm mcguffers

I was flipping through and found “The Biggest Loser.” (the weight loss show, not the Versus intermission.) I’m eating kettle ships while watching an inspirational story about a woman who lost 186 pounds. I think there’s something wrong with me.
on May 12, 2009 at 10:32 pm mcguffers

and that should be kettle “chips” not “ships.” I’m not that hungry.
on May 12, 2009 at 10:36 pm Schnookie

You’re an inspiration to us all, mcguffers! (Heeeey… what happened to your Ice Girl diet? Are you going to embarrass me by showing up for auditions totally fat?)
on May 12, 2009 at 10:43 pm mcguffers

*crunch crunch* Uh, noooo *picks fallen chip off chest and eats it* I’ll just follow the Crunchy diet for the rest of the week. Water and Flintstones vitamins.
on May 12, 2009 at 10:44 pm Schnookie

Water and Flintstones vitamins.

:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: We got our Cheese Of The Month delivery this week, so Thursday’s dinner is just mountains of cheese and bread for us. I think a preemptive Crunchy diet might be in order for me too…
on May 12, 2009 at 10:45 pm Pookie

Water and Flintstones vitamins.

Which is a diet where Crunchy pours water over Flinstones vitamins and watches them absorb it, dreaming of what it would be like to absorb food himself.
on May 12, 2009 at 10:51 pm mcguffers

Which is a diet where Crunchy pours water over Flinstones vitamins and watches them absorb it, dreaming of what it would be like to absorb food himself.

You forgot to mention where he studies videos of Lindsay Lohan saying in her most believable crackhead voice, “I get plenty to eat!”

We got our Cheese Of The Month delivery this week, so Thursday’s dinner is just mountains of cheese and bread for us.

The thought of that meal would put Crunchy in a vegetative state.
on May 12, 2009 at 10:54 pm mcguffers

There’s an interview with Paul Gaustad where they talk about him losing about 8 pounds of water weight each game. They make a joke about Crunchy not having 8 pounds to lose, then ask Goose if Crunchy really loses that much too. Goose says something sarcastic about not feeling very comfortable asking another guy about his water weight loss. I have a feeling Crunchy would be proud to share his weight loss number.
on May 12, 2009 at 10:55 pm Schnookie

The thought of that meal would put Crunchy in a vegetative state.

All the more cheese for me! (I’m going to be a great Ice Girl.)
on May 12, 2009 at 10:58 pm Schnookie

Goose says something sarcastic about not feeling very comfortable asking another guy about his water weight loss. I have a feeling Crunchy would be proud to share his weight loss number.

:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: to Goose for not wanting to ask. And seriously, Crunchy probably forces his teammates to all sit in silence after he takes off his gear, watching while he weighs himself, and then he proudly announces how much weight he dropped during that game. Then everyone is expected to ooh and aah about how good he is at weighing next to nothing. He idolizes Helen Gurley Brown.
on May 12, 2009 at 11:06 pm Schnookie

Dammit. I think that was going to be Osgood’s “complete collapse” moment. But stupid Baby Crunchy sucks too bad to be able to score.
on May 12, 2009 at 11:07 pm Schnookie

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
on May 12, 2009 at 11:11 pm Pookie

I think they should just call the game done now.
on May 12, 2009 at 11:14 pm mcguffers

How is this game not even half done? Haven’t they been playing for six hours already?
on May 12, 2009 at 11:16 pm Schnookie

Pookie actually said right when the second period started, “I thought this period started five or six minutes ago, and I was about to complain that nothing interesting had happened in it yet.”

She also said, of Getzi’s goal celebration, “Getzi just wanted to do a crotch chop, but at the last minute was like, ‘Keep it clean.’”

And that’s my Pookie update. See? When we don’t do game diaries we’re reduced to laughing at our own jokes in the comments instead. :P
on May 12, 2009 at 11:20 pm mcguffers

I’ve given up on playoff hockey and I’m now watching sabres vault. I have titled this one “Crunchy Hates Phil Kessel”

http://sabres.nhl.tv/team/console.jsp?type=fvod&id=1
on May 12, 2009 at 11:24 pm Patty (in Dallas)

A colleague made a reference to that “buy me a hamburger on Tuesday” Popeye thing that Patty and Myra were talking about the other day. I was like, “Ha ha ha! I totally know what you’re talking about. Yes, funny. Ha ha ha!” :D

*beams with pride*

Your colleague probably thinks you’re totally cool! It’s like recognizing a Fatty Arbuckle reference!
on May 12, 2009 at 11:25 pm Patty (in Dallas)

“Getzi just wanted to do a crotch chop, but at the last minute was like, ‘Keep it clean.’”

:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
on May 12, 2009 at 11:28 pm carolbrowne

Dear Mike K.,

[Insert one devastating punch here.]

Hugs and Kisses, Looch

:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

I want to take a photo of that punch.

Holy shit. Fatty Arbuckle? LOLS!
on May 12, 2009 at 11:29 pm mcguffers

Far too much Komisarek hating here :P
on May 12, 2009 at 11:29 pm Schnookie

It’s like recognizing a Fatty Arbuckle reference!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Those are the good ones, the Fatty Arbuckle references. :P
on May 12, 2009 at 11:30 pm Patty (in Dallas)

Wow, Schnookie! You’re so totally cool! I’m not sure why.
on May 12, 2009 at 11:30 pm Schnookie

Wow, Schnookie! You’re so totally cool! I’m not sure why.

:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
on May 12, 2009 at 11:30 pm Schnookie

I want to take a photo of that punch.

Ask and ye shall receive (LINK). Heh.
on May 12, 2009 at 11:33 pm mcguffers

I like this one:

http://www.fellowshipofhockey.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/nhl_g_lucic_600.jpg
on May 12, 2009 at 11:33 pm mcguffers

and this one:

http://photos.upi.com/topics-Milan-Lucic/c3ae1f3b52cd358103862ddf90b64656/Milan-Lucic_3.jpg
on May 12, 2009 at 11:36 pm Schnookie

Yeah, my bad. Here’s a better one:

http://cache.boston.com/images/bostondirtdogs//BDD_ML_fight_11.13.08_ap.jpg
on May 12, 2009 at 11:36 pm mcguffers

Ooooh, and this one shows the Brave Looch holding Komi’s face while tough guy Thornton punches him:

http://photos.upi.com/topics-Milan-Lucic/c3ae1f3b52cd358103862ddf90b64656/Milan-Lucic_3.jpg
on May 12, 2009 at 11:36 pm Pookie

WOOOOOOO!!!! Everyone, crotch chop! WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
on May 12, 2009 at 11:37 pm Schnookie

Oooh, in this one you can see how Komi’s cringing like a little girl:

http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/blogs/slapshot/lucickomisarek190.jpg

:PPPPP
on May 12, 2009 at 11:38 pm Schnookie

I’m totally crotch chopping for the Ducks right now. :P
on May 12, 2009 at 11:38 pm Patty (in Dallas)

Wooooo!!

We’re just gonna be sloppin’ over with Games 7s this week. As Daffy Duck would say.
on May 12, 2009 at 11:41 pm mcguffers

I think Komi’s biting him in that one :P

I like this angle better:

http://www.montrealgazette.com/sports/hockey/montreal-canadiens/habs+komisarek+puts+spurs/1485892/1485891.bin?size=620×400
on May 12, 2009 at 11:42 pm mcguffers

I think the teams’ owners started talking economics and pointed out the monetary gain from taking the series to 7 games.
on May 12, 2009 at 11:45 pm Schnookie

Kirk Maltby is still alive? And talking with a fake European accent? He sounds like McKey toward the end of the last ANTM cycle.
on May 12, 2009 at 11:56 pm Schnookie

That was the weirdest sportscaster fake fun I’ve ever seen. I think Jonesy hates his life.
on May 12, 2009 at 11:59 pm Pookie

Jonesy misses Beaks and Farts, too.
on May 13, 2009 at 12:01 am Schnookie

Well, I certainly understand where Jonesy’s coming from. We all miss Beaks and Farts. We all do.
on May 13, 2009 at 12:05 am Patty (in Dallas)

Shoot! I missed Jonesy’s misery! I had to run get a coke. I couldn’t last the night. :P I’m weak.
on May 13, 2009 at 12:06 am Patty (in Dallas)

When I was leaving, I heard them say they were going to talk to Kirk Maltby and I thought, “Huh. That’s the first time I’ve heard his name mentioned this whole series.”
on May 13, 2009 at 12:07 am Schnookie

You are weak, Patty! :P

And seriously, Maltby? Her??? Fuck the what?
on May 13, 2009 at 12:09 am mcguffers

I heard them say they were going to talk to Kirk Maltby and I thought, “Huh. That’s the first time I’ve heard his name mentioned this whole series.”

Were they playing another Hockey Moments in History piece?
on May 13, 2009 at 12:12 am Schnookie

Were they playing another Hockey Moments in History piece?

Yeah, Maltby only appears on the TV in grainy black-and-white, even when it’s live footage of tonight’s game.
on May 13, 2009 at 12:21 am mcguffers

Yeah, Maltby only appears on the TV in grainy black-and-white, even when it’s live footage of tonight’s game.

It must affect the Niedermeyers’ beards as well.
on May 13, 2009 at 12:23 am Pookie

Did you see Getzi just try to crotch chop Filpula?
on May 13, 2009 at 12:23 am mcguffers

CoreyPerry and I have the same birthday!! Do you think when they sing the birthday song to him they’ll say, “happy birrrthdaaaaayyyy CoreyPerrrrryyyyyyyy, happy birthdayyyy to yooooouuuuu.”
on May 13, 2009 at 12:24 am Schnookie

Oh, definitely. The Niedermayers have big dreams of being living Hockey History Moments.
on May 13, 2009 at 12:25 am Schnookie

If the “Perry” isn’t attached to the “Corey”, he has no idea they’re talking about him.
on May 13, 2009 at 12:25 am mcguffers

Did you see Getzi just try to crotch chop Filpula?

He’s jealous that Avery has a rule named after him, so he wants a new penalty created for him. Two minutes for crotch chopping.
on May 13, 2009 at 12:26 am Schnookie

Who wouldn’t want the crotch-chopping rule to be named after them?

And happy impending birthday, mcguggs. Do you have any big plans?
on May 13, 2009 at 12:26 am Pookie

He’s also going to try to popularize the Getzlaf Hat Trick. That’s six minutes for crotch chopping.
on May 13, 2009 at 12:30 am mcguffers

And who wouldn’t want their crotch chopped by Getzlaf for six mi….. alright. I’m stopping there. The Saskatoon airport is the angel sitting on my shoulder shaking her head in complete disgust. A miniature version of me is the devil on my other shoulder.

My mother has planned a “surprise” birthday party for me despite the fact that I’m working. And it’s not a surprise because my brother who knows me better than anyone, knows that I would hate such a thing. But I do plan on going out afterwards.
on May 13, 2009 at 12:33 am Schnookie

A miniature version of me is the devil on my other shoulder.

:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: (And I do have to say, only six minutes? What a disappointment.)

Your birthday sounds like it’s going to be the best of times and the worst of times! :P
on May 13, 2009 at 12:34 am Patty (in Dallas)

Happy coming-up birthday, mcguggers!
on May 13, 2009 at 12:35 am Schnookie

Dear Ducks,

If I wanted to watch a team blow a third-period lead at home, I’d fire up my tivo and watch the Devils. Quit it.

xox,
Schnookie
on May 13, 2009 at 12:36 am Pookie

Happy birthday, mcguffers! Have a fantastic time, surprise party or no!
on May 13, 2009 at 12:37 am mcguffers

Thanks, Patty!

Schnookie, I had the same idea, only I was trying to figure out when the Sabres starting wearing black and gold.
on May 13, 2009 at 12:38 am mcguffers

Thanks, Pookie!
on May 13, 2009 at 12:40 am Schnookie

Have I mentioned that I LOVE this series?
on May 13, 2009 at 12:41 am Patty (in Dallas)

Boy, the Wings are being all Ducks-y.
on May 13, 2009 at 12:41 am Pookie

I love that these games all end with Getzi attacking someone on the Wings because he thought they were diving!
on May 13, 2009 at 12:42 am Schnookie

That rawked. RAWKED! I love Getzi going after Hossa for all of Hossa’s diving against him earlier in the series. Go get ‘im, Getzi! CHOP THAT CROTCH!
on May 13, 2009 at 12:43 am Patty (in Dallas)

Datsyuk is so clueless! He doesn’t even drop his gloves before he starts punching! (I missed the “ELBOW”. Was that at or by Datsyuk?)
on May 13, 2009 at 12:43 am Schnookie

And on that note, as much as I don’t think it’s true, I actually DO have to go to work tomorrow. Bummer. It’s bedtime for me. G’night!
on May 13, 2009 at 12:43 am mcguffers

These should be some fun game 7s. Oooh, Detroit’s first game 7 in 7 years. Spooky. I’m going to say game 7 just as many times as the Versus guys. Game 7 Game 7 Game 7 Game 7
on May 13, 2009 at 12:44 am Schnookie

Game 7 Game 7 Game 7 Game 7

:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

And Patty, the elbow was Nieder at Datsyuk. The Ducks were being pretty Ducks-y there, too. :D
on May 13, 2009 at 12:46 am mcguffers

I’m following your lead, Schnookie. G’night ladies! Hope you all have a just Duck-y day tomorrow!
on May 13, 2009 at 12:46 am Pookie

the elbow was Nieder at Datsyuk.

Yeah, no question about that. It was PsychoNieder-esque.

And on that note, I too need to call it a night. Good night everyone!
on May 13, 2009 at 12:46 am Patty (in Dallas)

Is that what that was all about? That’s AWESOME!
on May 13, 2009 at 12:47 am Patty (in Dallas)

Datsyuk probably deserved it!

Good night everybody!
on May 13, 2009 at 2:00 am carolbrowne

Whoa. I left to sew my Oscar doll and look at all the punchy Looch photos! W00T! Thanks guys!
on May 13, 2009 at 7:00 am Grrrreg

Hahaha, great work! I didn’t knew Milan knows how to write though.

The fish recipe answer inspired me a little post about Lucic.

And to make up for this shameless plug for my blog, I have a present for you: a beautiful set of baby Looch pictures!
on May 13, 2009 at 7:10 am Grrrreg

I didn’t knew Milan knows how to write though.

But I apparently can’t write properly either… Heh.
on May 13, 2009 at 10:06 am Schnookie

Good morning, everyone!

Grrrreg, your post was wonderful! And the photo gallery of little muppet baby monster Looch made my morning! Thanks! :D

I didn’t knew Milan knows how to write though.

But I apparently can’t write properly either… Heh.

Oh the terrible, terrible irony. :P
on May 13, 2009 at 10:17 am Pookie

Grrreg, I adore the photoshop of Milan with the kitten and the fish! Bravo! :^::::::::::::::::::::::::

Good morning, everyone! I cannot believe anyone is even trying to make a story out of the melee at the end of the game last night. If anyone gets fined or suspended for that, it’ll be a joke.
on May 13, 2009 at 10:43 am Caitlin

Flowers die whenever Looch look at them. Looch sad. Looch not mean to kill pretty flowers!

Awwwwww. Hee. This whole post was awesome, -Ookies. I giggled about Looch on my way to work this mroning, even!

And those baby Looch pictures are cool, but god, it’s like his mom gave the newspaper the whole picture album or something… jeez.
on May 13, 2009 at 10:49 am Schnookie

I am always weirded out when parents of famous people give baby pictures to the media. But, hey, if Mama Looch wasn’t so generous with her attempts to humiliate Looch, it would be my loss. :P
on May 13, 2009 at 10:56 am Caitlin

But, hey, if Mama Looch wasn’t so generous with her attempts to humiliate Looch, it would be my loss. :P

Hee! True, true, true.

I cannot believe anyone is even trying to make a story out of the melee at the end of the game last night.

I didn’t see it but I saw the post on Puck Daddy about it. It just amused me that Datsyuk fought. Heh. I pretty now just picture the man as a talking piece of candy corn, so that provided a hilarious mental image.
on May 13, 2009 at 10:57 am Amy

I cannot believe anyone is even trying to make a story out of the melee at the end of the game last night.

What happened? I was called to a very urgent meeting with my blankie and my pillow and missed the melee.
on May 13, 2009 at 11:00 am Schnookie

I was called to a very urgent meeting with my blankie and my pillow and missed the melee.

:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: It was typical Ducks/Wings, where the Ducks were the Ducks and the Wings were pissy that they lost the game. So both teams had all their best players on the ice, and at the final buzzer, after the Wings’ failed attempt to get the tying goal, Nieder fought Datsyuk, Getzi fought Hossa, CoreyPerry fought… someone (I don’t remember who), and some of the fights were broken up and then they’d start up again. It was an old-school melee. And it was AWESOME. It was like two old lions looking over in the direction of the Caps/Pens series and being like, “Please. Let’s show those whippersnappers how it’s really done.”
on May 13, 2009 at 1:02 pm Grrrreg

Yeah, I liked that brawl too! And I don’t really get why everyone is blaming the Ducks today. I mean, I’ve only watched the highlights, so maybe I completely missed the buildup to these fights, but I assume that the Ducks were not frustrated, since they had just won the game. So if this was a ‘message sending’ fight, I would have to think the message was sent by the Wings. But I could be completely wrong.

Oh, and I love the idea that in a time when everyone is emailing, calling, blackberrying, twittering, facebooking, faxing, and texting everyone, the only way to send a message in the nhl is apparently a good old gloved punch to the face! :)
on May 13, 2009 at 1:23 pm Amy

I love the idea that in a time when everyone is emailing, calling, blackberrying, twittering, facebooking, faxing, and texting everyone, the only way to send a message in the nhl is apparently a good old gloved punch to the face!

I never thought about that before. I suppose one could say that one would need opposable thumbs to message send in any electronic format, and it seems some of the message senders around the league may lack those.
on May 13, 2009 at 1:25 pm Grrrreg

To be honest, it’s not easy to type a sms with hockey gloves on.
on May 13, 2009 at 1:26 pm Schnookie

the only way to send a message in the nhl is apparently a good old gloved punch to the face!

:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: That’s why I love the NHL. I’ve got a nice wide technophobic streak, so that kind of message-sending really speaks to me.

(And I thought both the Wings and Ducks were equal participants in the melee last night, so it would be, in my opinion, a grave injustice if the Ducks were unduly punished for it. I think it’s fair to assume that the coverage I got from Versus in the moment was totally exhaustive, too. I know the FULL story. :P)
on May 13, 2009 at 1:35 pm SueNJ97

I’ve been thinking about the fish recipe and trying to imagine what a “Cooking with Looch” show (on the NHL Network, the Food Network would never allow it) would be like.

I think it would mostly consist of his teammates trying to stop him from putting the food directly into an open flame on the stove top.

This has possibilities…

And I thought both the Wings and Ducks were equal participants in the melee last night, so it would be, in my opinion, a grave injustice if the Ducks were unduly punished for it

Yeah, well…just ’cause I agree with you…we know what that means. Don’t hold your breath waiting for CC to do the right thing. You could hurt yourself.
on May 13, 2009 at 2:24 pm Pookie

Looch would make fabulous tablescapes out of rocks and motor oil cans. And he’d have different kinds of cats — gray tabbies, tuxedos, calicos — hung up around the walls of his cave to coordinate with his pelts and his Kitche-aid mixer.
on May 13, 2009 at 2:29 pm Amy

Looch would make fabulous tablescapes out of rocks and motor oil cans. And he’d have different kinds of cats — gray tabbies, tuxedos, calicos — hung up around the walls of his cave to coordinate with his pelts and his Kitche-aid mixer.

But he would totally be the one to pour booze into a pot over an open flame. “Looch want big boom!”
on May 13, 2009 at 2:49 pm Pookie

Amy, did you see Sandra’s new show this weekend? I found it a little disappointing. It managed to have even less content than Semi-Homemade. And as Schnookie pointed out, if she’s saving money, she’s never going to use real booze again!
on May 13, 2009 at 2:49 pm Schnookie

Okay, I just finished reading part two of the conversation on ESPN.com between Bill Simmons and Malcolm Gladwell, and after all the NBA talk, Gladwell got going about how dumb draft lotteries are in sports today for rewarding failure. He suggests:

Another more radical idea is that you do a full lottery only every second year, or three out of four years, and in the off year make draft position in order of finish. Best teams pick first. How fun would that be? Every meaningless end-of-season game now becomes instantly meaningful. … [I]n a year with a can’t-miss No. 1 pick, having the best record in the regular season becomes hugely important.

I suddenly really desperately want this to happen. That would be the coolest thing ever.

And that’s my story.
on May 13, 2009 at 2:55 pm Schnookie

But he would totally be the one to pour booze into a pot over an open flame. “Looch want big boom!”

:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: That would be SUCH a great cooking show!

And yeah, Sandy’s new show is woefully lacking in coordinating decor and tablescapes. I mean, it was still vile (a fact that is made that much more hilarious considering that she’s no longer operating under the artificial constraint of not being able to make anything from scratch), but… different.
on May 13, 2009 at 2:59 pm Pookie

I suddenly really desperately want this to happen.

I agree. Come on, NHL! It would be so easy!
on May 13, 2009 at 3:01 pm Amy

if she’s saving money, she’s never going to use real booze again!

And that makes me sad. :(

Did you also hear that Paulina was fired from ANTM? Apparently, she has a big ego. To me, that’s like the Tyra pot calling the kettle black.
on May 13, 2009 at 3:02 pm SueNJ97

I suddenly really desperately want this to happen. That would be the coolest thing ever.

Hmmm…rewarding success and making the regular season mean something (other than the fact that we just like to watch it). A radical, amazing, wonderful concept. That’s why it will never happen.
on May 13, 2009 at 3:02 pm Caitlin

And yeah, Sandy’s new show is woefully lacking in coordinating decor and tablescapes.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! You mean I have to focus wholeheartedly on her awful food and make fun SOLELY of that?

I feel all cold and sad inside.
on May 13, 2009 at 3:03 pm Schnookie

Did you also hear that Paulina was fired from ANTM? Apparently, she has a big ego. To me, that’s like the Tyra pot calling the kettle black.

WHAAAAAAAAAAA? Noooooo! I love Paulina! Bummer.
on May 13, 2009 at 3:10 pm Pookie

WHAT?!? Paulina’s gone!??! I can’t accept that! No Janice? No Paulina?! I hope they make Sutan the fourth judge. Or Benny Ninja.
on May 13, 2009 at 3:12 pm Schnookie

I hope they make Sutan the fourth judge. Or Benny Ninja.

Okay, that would make me forget all about Paulina.
on May 13, 2009 at 3:22 pm alix

Awww man! I had a major lady crush on Paulina! Stupid crazy Tyra.

Andrew, if you drop by, I downloaded Band of Horses and I heart them so!
on May 13, 2009 at 3:25 pm Amy

WHAT?!? Paulina’s gone!??! I can’t accept that! No Janice? No Paulina?! I hope they make Sutan the fourth judge. Or Benny Ninja.

Yeah, tonight is Paulina’s last ANTM episode. :(

Benny Ninja would be awesome at judging.
on May 13, 2009 at 3:44 pm Pookie

I vote for Benny. I wouldn’t want Sutan to lose his role of fun-loving model confidant.
on May 13, 2009 at 4:29 pm alix

HAHAHAHAHA. Willie Mitchell was in the shower when he was drafted by the Devils and he told his Grandma to take a message.
on May 13, 2009 at 4:45 pm Pookie

And that’s why Lou traded him. If only he’d not brushed David Conte off that day…
on May 13, 2009 at 7:04 pm KG

Today’s Travis’ birthday. :) He’s 24 now.
on May 13, 2009 at 7:15 pm Grrrreg

Oooh, happy birthday Travis!

Anyone watching the game?
on May 13, 2009 at 7:18 pm andrew

I downloaded Band of Horses and I heart them so!

Awesome! Glad to hear it, alix. I love them too, very cool music.
on May 13, 2009 at 7:20 pm Grrrreg

Today’s Travis’ birthday. :) He’s 24 now.

Oooh, but it’s also Jaroslav Halak’s birthday! And he’s 24 too! They’re twins!
on May 13, 2009 at 7:22 pm Schnookie

Poor Travis — I hope Halak isn’t catching! :P

And no, I’m not watching the game because I simply can’t bear another minute of the Caps. I’m keeping an eye on the score, though.
on May 13, 2009 at 7:29 pm Pookie

I’m not watching because I’m at work. But I will admit that I have the real-time scoreboard thing open on my computer.
on May 13, 2009 at 7:39 pm Schnookie

There is literally nothing else on television tonight. I’ve been reduced to watching baseball. I should just be put down, because no one should have to live in this kind of misery. :P
on May 13, 2009 at 7:46 pm Grrrreg

Come on Schnookie! The Pens are up 2-0, this game can’t be that bad if you can’t stand the caps.
on May 13, 2009 at 7:51 pm Heather B.

Do NOT encourage Schnookie to turn the game on. Last time the Caps scored as soon as she turned the TV on :P
on May 13, 2009 at 7:52 pm Schnookie

I would rather DIE than turn it on. I’ve learned my lesson. (I would also rather die than have to watch baseball. It’s a rough night. :P)
on May 13, 2009 at 7:58 pm Grrrreg

Do NOT encourage Schnookie to turn the game on. Last time the Caps scored as soon as she turned the TV on :P

Hey, I’m trying to turn this game around! It’s not my fault if I don’t like the Pens… :)
on May 13, 2009 at 8:01 pm Heather B.

Grrrreg, good point. I forget some people might want the Caps to WIN :P
on May 13, 2009 at 8:04 pm Amy

I should just be put down, because no one should have to live in this kind of misery.

At that point, I would take the Caps over baseball.
on May 13, 2009 at 8:05 pm Schnookie

Grrrreg, good point. I forget some people might want the Caps to WIN

Those people are wrong. :P
on May 13, 2009 at 8:08 pm Amy

Is this where Varlamov turns back into a pumpkin?
on May 13, 2009 at 8:10 pm Schnookie

I am totally just watching baseball, minding my own business… not grinning madly… not thinking about switching channels at all…
on May 13, 2009 at 8:15 pm cry me an ice rink

Schnookie, the Caps are now down 4-0. I’m begging you – turn on the TV! Please!
on May 13, 2009 at 8:16 pm Schnookie

I’m not TOUCHING the dial! Things are working GREAT as is!
on May 13, 2009 at 8:16 pm Grrrreg

Well, it’s now 4-0 and Jose Theodore’s in. I think you can safely turn the game on. Even your superpowers wouldn’t be enough to make the caps win this one! Good night, and good bye 2009 Caps!
on May 13, 2009 at 8:19 pm Amy

So with the semis being over tomorrow night, does that mean the conference finals would start on Saturday or would they hold them until Sunday/Monday?
on May 13, 2009 at 8:19 pm alix

LETANG! He so beautiful and French. I want run my hands through his pretty, pretty haaiiiir.
on May 13, 2009 at 8:23 pm cry me an ice rink

It’s now 5-0. I think it’s safe to turn on the TV. As for me, I will spend the rest of this game mourning What Might Have Been. Sigh.
on May 13, 2009 at 8:24 pm Patty (in Dallas)

DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-LICIOUS!!!

I just got home to find things are going AWESOME!

And alix, I could not agree more about Letang! The Pens have two really hot right-handed defensemen with French accents and black, shiny hair.
on May 13, 2009 at 8:29 pm Schnookie

Honestly, I could not be more delighted. This is FABULOUS!
on May 13, 2009 at 8:30 pm Amy

Someone should tell Ovie that you hit the guys in WHITE tonight, not the guys in red. He just ran over his own teammate.
on May 13, 2009 at 8:36 pm Patty (in Dallas)

I think he does have it backwards, Amy, because he passed up an easy hit on Staal right before Staal’s goal.
on May 13, 2009 at 8:39 pm Patty (in Dallas)

Pens better not pick up their boot to see if the Caps are alive. They need to keep it on their throats!
on May 13, 2009 at 8:48 pm Schnookie

I agree, Patty. They gotta keep piling it on.
on May 13, 2009 at 8:54 pm Patty (in Dallas)

Sandy has a new show? What’s it called, so I can TiVo it?
on May 13, 2009 at 8:57 pm Schnookie

You know what’s the only good thing about having to watch the Phillies tonight? I just saw a commercial featuring the Phanatic running around Philly landmarks… with a giant mascot Tastykake Krimpet! AWESOME!
on May 13, 2009 at 9:00 pm Patty (in Dallas)

I love the Phanatic!
on May 13, 2009 at 9:01 pm cry me an ice rink

Oh well. I guess I’ll let Pittsburgh fans have their fun. After all, they do have to live in Pittsburgh.
on May 13, 2009 at 9:02 pm KG

Am I just really behind? Or has anyone else not seen this video of Zach?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t44myhIOfwM
on May 13, 2009 at 9:02 pm Patty (in Dallas)

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Sid steals it from Ovie and nobody chases him back. DEE LICIOUS!
on May 13, 2009 at 9:04 pm Patty (in Dallas)

Are they saying referees suck? Penguins suck?
on May 13, 2009 at 9:06 pm Schnookie

Perhaps they’re saying “We suck”? :P
on May 13, 2009 at 9:08 pm Patty (in Dallas)

I think you’re right, Schnookie!
on May 13, 2009 at 9:10 pm cry me an ice rink

Mmmmm. Krimpets. A good choice for when I’m eating my feelings following this game.
on May 13, 2009 at 9:11 pm alix

And alix, I could not agree more about Letang!

I know, Patty! He was best friends with Luc Bourdon(RIP). I’ve always had a soft spot for him. Doesn’t hurt that he’s damn pretty and seems nice to boot.

HAHAHAHA!! I want a Malkin and Letang sammich.
on May 13, 2009 at 9:12 pm Patty (in Dallas)

I don’t think I’m going to have dessert tonight. Because this game is SO DELICIOUS!
on May 13, 2009 at 9:14 pm Patty (in Dallas)

I want a Malkin and Letang sammich.

I think I’ll take a Sid and Bouche sammich!
on May 13, 2009 at 9:15 pm alix

Ooooh good choice, Patty. And then we can switch :D
on May 13, 2009 at 9:18 pm Patty (in Dallas)

Ooooh good choice, Patty. And then we can switch :D

Deal!
on May 13, 2009 at 9:19 pm Schnookie

So I haven’t been watching the game, obviously. What are the Caps going to whine about with this one?
on May 13, 2009 at 9:19 pm cry me an ice rink

The Caps game has gotten so bad that the current jumbotron feature is mighty mites highlights.
on May 13, 2009 at 9:23 pm Patty (in Dallas)

What are the Caps going to whine about with this one?

Probably that Sid whines when he’s whacked in the mouth with a stick.
on May 13, 2009 at 9:27 pm Schnookie

Probably that Sid whines when he’s whacked in the mouth with a stick.

:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Or maybe just that the Pens scored too much. :P
on May 13, 2009 at 9:30 pm Schnookie

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Our long national nightmare is over!
on May 13, 2009 at 9:35 pm SueNJ97

Our long national nightmare is over!

Not quite, because…Butthead continues on. Can’t we send him home?
on May 13, 2009 at 9:36 pm Patty (in Dallas)

Our long national nightmare is over!

:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
on May 13, 2009 at 9:43 pm Patty (in Dallas)

Mmmm…Coach Also-Foxy.

Nice tie.
on May 13, 2009 at 9:57 pm Schnookie

Not quite, because…Butthead continues on. Can’t we send him home?

Hey, I liked the Flyers last year — Steve Downie, Derian Hatcher and all — just on the strength of beating the Caps. Butthead’s hardly going to sway me on this one. :P
on May 13, 2009 at 11:03 pm Patty (in Dallas)

If Sid likes Butthead, I’ll cut him some slack. :D I’m all about Sid these days.
on May 13, 2009 at 11:35 pm Katebits

I think Butthead looks pretty good with his beard. I’ve got my playoff goggles trained on him.