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Pens/Canes Game 4 – Open Thread

May 26, 2009 by Schnookie

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Posted in Open Thread | 145 Comments

145 Responses

on May 26, 2009 at 7:07 pm carolbrowne

Watching Ellen, waiting for the hockey to start.

Oh wait, this isn’t Twitter.

I’m home sick today. The ONLY good thing is that I’m home for the first period. Huzzah. *cough cough*

I’m really sick. With a cold. Whoa is me…
on May 26, 2009 at 7:14 pm Pookie

I’m sorry you’re sick, Carol! Here’s hoping hockey will make you feel better!
on May 26, 2009 at 7:19 pm carolbrowne

Thanks Pookie. You know what kind of made me feel better? Pat Quinn’s new job! SNORT!

It seems the Canucks always play the Oilers, so we’ll be seeing more of him next season.

Oh wait. That made me feel worse!
on May 26, 2009 at 7:20 pm mcguffers

carol, I’m sorry you’re not feeling well, but I told you to stay away from hockey players!!
on May 26, 2009 at 7:25 pm Schnookie

I’m so sorry you’re not feeling well, Carol! But mcguggs is right — we warned you that the players were unclean. :P (And honestly, that BLOWS that you have a cold at the end of May! How is that possible?)

You know what kind of made me feel better? Pat Quinn’s new job! SNORT!

:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
on May 26, 2009 at 7:29 pm carolbrowne

but I told you to stay away from hockey players!!

I was thinking about that mcguffers. I don’t remember shaking any hockey player’s hands in the last week or so…especially with festering sores or bacteria.

Maybe I touched a door knob previously touched by a hockey player? I have no idea.

Possibly on the bus?
on May 26, 2009 at 7:29 pm Pookie

Possibly on the bus?

:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::: I hear the Sedins take the bus often.
on May 26, 2009 at 7:31 pm Schnookie

Oooh. It was definitely the bus. Hockey players are notorious for leaving, uh, personal elements in public transportation. Perhaps Matty has moved on from his three-ways in cabs and is trying the more titillating bus orgy?
on May 26, 2009 at 7:31 pm carolbrowne

Oh God. What is happening on CBC? There’s a cheesy montage of Crosby and Malkin to some really bad music. Someone stop this insanity. Blech.
on May 26, 2009 at 7:33 pm Amy

Matty has moved on from his three-ways in cabs and is trying the more titillating bus orgy?

Saskatoon Airport: :::clutches pearls and swoons:::
on May 26, 2009 at 7:34 pm carolbrowne

I hear the Sedins take the bus often.

I thought I heard soft peeping on the bus last week.

is trying the more titillating bus orgy?
Ha! I just imagined getting an old Wax Hands ass grab on the bus. EW!

Really, we need more bus orgies in this town.
on May 26, 2009 at 7:35 pm mcguffers

I don’t get how Cam Ward, at 15 years old, can grow a full beard, and Sidney still has creepy fuzz all over his face.

Titillating bus orgies are exactly why the Saskatoon Airport doesn’t offer hotel shuttles.
on May 26, 2009 at 7:37 pm Schnookie

Really, we need more bus orgies in this town.

What town doesn’t? First, we need buses in this town, and then we’ll get bus orgies. (Wait. I think we have a bus stop. Ergo, buses. I’ve never seen one, though…)

Titillating bus orgies are exactly why the Saskatoon Airport doesn’t offer hotel shuttles.

:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
on May 26, 2009 at 7:39 pm carolbrowne

I fully approve of The Scorpions, Rock You Like a Hurricane right now. Perfect bus orgy music, no?

Titillating bus orgies are exactly why the Saskatoon Airport doesn’t offer hotel shuttles.

LOLLERSKATES mcguffers! :^::::::::::::::::::::::::::
on May 26, 2009 at 7:40 pm Schnookie

I fully approve of The Scorpions, Rock You Like a Hurricane right now. Perfect bus orgy music, no?

If not that, then certainly Playmobil advent calendar orgy music. (The Christmas Shoppe at the Saskatoon Airport is like, “Well I never!”)
on May 26, 2009 at 7:41 pm mcguffers

Wait. I think we have a bus stop. Ergo, buses. I’ve never seen one, though…

I’ve seen the buses here. I would not want an orgy with the people on them.

Did he really just say “Let’s git er done”? It’s gonna be a long night.
on May 26, 2009 at 7:42 pm Pookie

It’s gonna be a long night.

:^::::::::::::::: Or as Down South Benanati would say, “Yeehaw!”
on May 26, 2009 at 7:43 pm mcguffers

If not that, then certainly Playmobil advent calendar orgy music. (The Christmas Shoppe at the Saskatoon Airport is like, “Well I never!”)

:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: I can just see the next cd in the “Now That’s What I Call Music” series.

Woo Hoo, Red!! Is that one “Hooters”? I can never keep my Amish brothers straight.
on May 26, 2009 at 7:43 pm Schnookie

Marc-Andre Fleury is SO good. :P
on May 26, 2009 at 7:43 pm Amy

Or as Down South Benanati would say, “Yeehaw!”

Hee!

What’s with the PA system in Carolina playing the Tarzan yells?
on May 26, 2009 at 7:44 pm Pookie

Yup, Hooters is in red. Hoot, hoot!
on May 26, 2009 at 7:44 pm Schnookie

Yes, that was Hooters! Hoot! Hoot! (Seriously. We crack ourselves up every time we see him on the TV by softly hooting like owls. It never gets tired.)
on May 26, 2009 at 7:45 pm Pookie

Amy, it’s either Tarzan yells or soft owl hooting. They learned from experience that the owl hooting isn’t very intense, so they went the Tarzan route.
on May 26, 2009 at 7:47 pm mcguffers

Or as Down South Benanati would say, “Yeehaw!”

:^::::::::::::::::::::::::: I can’t wait for Down South Benanati to start doing Hee Haw skits.
on May 26, 2009 at 7:48 pm carolbrowne

Playmobil advent calendar orgy music.

Teehee! Now that’s awesome. Might as well have it take place at the llama farm while we’re at it. We’ll take the orgy bus to the llama farm! Oh yah!

Oh wait, breaking news…Staal scored that goal. Sheesh. We get it. The Canes have a Staal-ing. (that’s the CBC’s graphics said. Stall-ling.)
on May 26, 2009 at 7:52 pm Schnookie

(that’s the CBC’s graphics said. Stall-ling.)

I love that someone at CBC still thinks that’s clever.
on May 26, 2009 at 7:53 pm Schnookie

Blersus just threw in the towel and gave us a “Staal vs. Staal” graphic. No punning attempted. That’s kind of sad.
on May 26, 2009 at 7:53 pm Pookie

I’d put up a graphic saying “Hooters Back in the Bosom of Goal Scoring”.
on May 26, 2009 at 7:54 pm Schnookie

I’d put up a graphic for the Staals that says “Pennsylvania Dutch Treat”. Because they look Amish. Get it?
on May 26, 2009 at 7:55 pm mcguffers

I’d just keep putting up pictures of Cam Ward.

And as I say that….
on May 26, 2009 at 7:55 pm Schnookie

You know what I’m learning about the Pens? I only like them when Sid scores. I don’t like the non-Sid goals.
on May 26, 2009 at 7:56 pm Pookie

“Pennsylvania Dutch Treat”

:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

I’d put up a graphic saying “A Bird-in-Hand Is Worth -5″.
on May 26, 2009 at 7:57 pm mcguffers

I get it! Cause they’re Amish!
on May 26, 2009 at 7:57 pm Schnookie

I’d put up a graphic saying “A Bird-in-Hand Is Worth -5″.

:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

I’d put up a graphic that says “I’d like to have Intercourse with Hooters.”
on May 26, 2009 at 7:58 pm Pookie

“I’d like to have Intercourse with Hooters.”

I was going to make a zipper joke, but I think I’ll just let the Amish puns die here. Buy sod!
on May 26, 2009 at 7:59 pm mcguffers

“You’re allowed to hold the stick, you just have to make sure it’s you’re own!” That joke never. gets. old. ever.
on May 26, 2009 at 8:00 pm Amy

“Pennsylvania Dutch Treat”.

Is that like a pretzel? :p
on May 26, 2009 at 8:00 pm carolbrowne

Seriously, beards – moustaches = gross.

Blech. I’d take a wispy moustache over the moustache-less beard any day.

Wait. No I wouldn’t. That’s the cold medicine talking.
on May 26, 2009 at 8:01 pm Schnookie

Wait. No I wouldn’t. That’s the cold medicine talking.

:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
on May 26, 2009 at 8:01 pm mcguffers

“Pennsylvania Dutch Treat”.

Is that like a pretzel? :p

Tim Connolly: “No. Two totally different positions.”
on May 26, 2009 at 8:03 pm Patty (in Dallas)

I liked that goal, because it was a genius shot-pass by Boucher!
on May 26, 2009 at 8:10 pm mcguffers

WTF was that?
on May 26, 2009 at 8:10 pm Schnookie

Okay, that was just Ward showing off how much he idolized Cujo as a kid.
on May 26, 2009 at 8:11 pm mcguffers

Oh, and Versus… “OMG??” Broadcasting fail.
on May 26, 2009 at 8:11 pm Pookie

OK, I have to say (and I’ll say it quietly so it doesn’t go to his head) Razor’s in fine form tonight.
on May 26, 2009 at 8:15 pm mcguffers

Okay, that was just Ward showing off how much he idolized Cujo as a kid.

Which one? The crappy goalie or the dog with rabies?
on May 26, 2009 at 8:16 pm Amy

OK, I have to say (and I’ll say it quietly so it doesn’t go to his head) Razor’s in fine form tonight.

He had me at “900 thread count.”
on May 26, 2009 at 8:19 pm alix

Is everyone well lubricated?

Sorry…I’m still stuck on bus orgies. LOLS.
on May 26, 2009 at 8:22 pm alix

Tim Connolly: “No. Two totally different positions.”

Tim Connolly: “It’s a catholic pretzel if you wear a nun costume” *winks*
on May 26, 2009 at 8:23 pm Schnookie

Which one? The crappy goalie or the dog with rabies?

:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Ward: “*Kittenosaurus roar*”

Is everyone well lubricated?

Sorry…I’m still stuck on bus orgies.

:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
on May 26, 2009 at 8:27 pm Amy

Is everyone well lubricated?

Sorry…I’m still stuck on bus orgies.

Well played, alix. Well played.
on May 26, 2009 at 8:35 pm mcguffers

Ward: “*Kittenosaurus roar*”

I just want to give him a snuggle. Then fondle him inappropriately.
on May 26, 2009 at 8:44 pm Schnookie

I just want to give him a snuggle. Then fondle him inappropriately.

I think any touching beyond patting him maternally on the head qualifies for Ward as “inappropriate”. (Mikey C. had to cut short his booze-soaked orgy bus [and he actually DID have an orgy bus] party with the Cup in ’06 so Ward could start his day with the Cup super-early, because Ward’s big dream was to eat his breakfast cereal out of it. What kind of dork demands that Mikey C cut short his bus orgy?)
on May 26, 2009 at 8:51 pm Pookie

OK, raise your hand if you were unaware that there’s a third Staal brother. Anybody? Anybody? Yeah. I rest my case, Down South Benanati.
on May 26, 2009 at 8:52 pm carolbrowne

Mikey C. had to cut short his booze-soaked orgy bus [and he actually DID have an orgy bus]

Saskatoon Airport: “Good Lord! Who is this Mikey C.?”

Me: And where is THAT bus stop? RAWR!!!
on May 26, 2009 at 8:52 pm alix

I would never eat anything out of the Cup after hearing Kris Draper’s kid pooped in it.
on May 26, 2009 at 8:54 pm Amy

OK, raise your hand if you were unaware that there’s a third Staal brother. Anybody?

I was half listening, but who’s the unloved fourth brother in this case?
on May 26, 2009 at 8:54 pm carolbrowne

Kris Draper’s kid pooped in it.

The hell? Tell me that’s not true. EW!

Soft serve in the Stanley Cup? GROSS!
on May 26, 2009 at 8:57 pm Schnookie

Me: And where is THAT bus stop? RAWR!!!

:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

As for the Staals, I think they should just go on pretending there are only three of them, so the fourth one can fade into the obscurity he’s apparently destined for. (And by that I mean “playing in the Devils farm system”.)
on May 26, 2009 at 8:57 pm alix

I was half listening, but who’s the unloved fourth brother in this case?

Jared Staal. He was drafted last year to Phoenix. He has the bad luck of being the only Staal not drafted in the first round.
on May 26, 2009 at 9:03 pm mcguffers

Mikey C. had to cut short his booze-soaked orgy bus [and he actually DID have an orgy bus] party with the Cup in ‘06 so Ward could start his day with the Cup super-early, because Ward’s big dream was to eat his breakfast cereal out of it. What kind of dork demands that Mikey C cut short his bus orgy?

I saw pictures. But he eliminated the Sabres that year, so he wasn’t nearly as adorable. (and I’m totally lying because something about cereal and his wife made him completely lovable in my eyes)
on May 26, 2009 at 9:06 pm mcguffers

He has the bad luck of being the only Staal not drafted in the first round.

Is it really bad luck to not be associated with the Staal’s?
on May 26, 2009 at 9:07 pm Schnookie

(and I’m totally lying because something about cereal and his wife made him completely lovable in my eyes)

Poor Mikey C’s friends and family were stuck having their orgy in a gutter without the Cup because of stupid Cam Ward! :P
on May 26, 2009 at 9:09 pm carolbrowne

Poor Mikey C’s friends and family were stuck having their orgy in a gutter without the Cup because of stupid Cam Ward! :P

Gutter orgy? AHH BOO! Not nearly as rockin’ as the bus orgy, I’m afraid. Thanks for nothing, Cam Ward. Hmph!
on May 26, 2009 at 9:10 pm alix

Is it really bad luck to not be associated with the Staal’s?

What are you saying? I love their creepy Aryan cult like vibe. There’s nothing more I want in the world than to be playing sex games with Hooters and Gronk and be a sod farm wife.

HAHAHA.
on May 26, 2009 at 9:14 pm Caitlin

There’s nothing more I want in the world than to be playing sex games with Hooters and Gronk and be a sod farm wife.

You so had me at “sex games”. Hooters, Gronk and sod? That’s just the icing, baby.
on May 26, 2009 at 9:16 pm carolbrowne

Hey, I think Osgood had the shits during the last game. That’s what “a touch of the flu” is, right?
on May 26, 2009 at 9:24 pm Schnookie

That’s what “a touch of the flu” is, right?

:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: And you Canucks fans are always trying to accuse other goalies of having the shits after Luongo had them in ’07. :P
on May 26, 2009 at 9:27 pm alix

Lui`s was an equipment problem :P
on May 26, 2009 at 9:31 pm Schnookie

Lui`s was an equipment problem :P

:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Sure. If by “equipment” you mean “diarrhea”. :P
on May 26, 2009 at 9:32 pm Patty (in Dallas)

Lui`s was an equipment problem :P

:^::::::::::::::::::

He couldn’t get his pants off fast enough!
on May 26, 2009 at 9:34 pm carolbrowne

Sure. If by “equipment” you mean “diarrhea”. :P

Zing!
on May 26, 2009 at 9:35 pm alix

He couldn’t get his pants off fast enough!

AHAHAHAHAHA!!
on May 26, 2009 at 9:37 pm mcguffers

:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: A few of my friends use the code “change of equipment” as a way of saying they are going to the rest room for feminine reasons. Now I’m trying to figure out why Lui wears tampons.
on May 26, 2009 at 9:38 pm carolbrowne

Oh no! Beard of Bees is hit! Oh no! Is he okay?
on May 26, 2009 at 9:38 pm Patty (in Dallas)

Sports Soup has got to be the stupidest show. Every single joke he makes, I wait for the punchline then realize I already heard it.
on May 26, 2009 at 9:40 pm Patty (in Dallas)

Whoa. Nice setup and shot.
on May 26, 2009 at 9:59 pm mcguffers

Well, at least the Red vs Black thing can now carry over into the next round. The Hurricanes fans are actually breaking my heart. I couldn’t even watch game four of the Habs series, and I thoroughly enjoyed watching Broons fans’ heart ache. But this is kind of sad.
on May 26, 2009 at 10:00 pm carolbrowne

Erik Cole and his beard are finished for the season.
on May 26, 2009 at 10:03 pm Pookie

This Red vs. Black is scary! (And makes me wonder why the red and black Devils aren’t allowed to play. Oh. Right. Nevermind.)
on May 26, 2009 at 10:06 pm Schnookie

And makes me wonder why the red and black Devils aren’t allowed to play. Oh. Right. Nevermind.

:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
on May 26, 2009 at 10:07 pm mcguffers

And makes me wonder why the red and black Devils aren’t allowed to play. Oh. Right. Nevermind.

:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: I should shut up about this red/black stuff or else they might change the the Sabres’ unis back to the angry goat head.
on May 26, 2009 at 10:10 pm Schnookie

Oooh, you’re TOTALLY trying to make the Sabres go back to the goat head, I know it!
on May 26, 2009 at 10:10 pm mcguffers

Ooohhh Versus, I have a completely irrelevant but fact based statbit for you!!!! In series where a black/gold uniformed team has played a red based uniform, the black/gold uniforms have swept the series!
on May 26, 2009 at 10:12 pm mcguffers

No Sabres!! No goat heads!! At least go to the red/black ferocious crossed butter knives!
on May 26, 2009 at 10:14 pm mcguffers

*thinking hard* what color are the Caps’ uniforms again? Maybe my Versus statbit doesn’t work after all. Irrelevant but fact based info is haaaard.
on May 26, 2009 at 10:16 pm mcguffers

*thinking again* The Canes beat the bruins. I’ve clearly blocked out every piece of hockey I’ve watched so far. I need to go to bed.
on May 26, 2009 at 10:19 pm Pookie

I’ve clearly blocked out every piece of hockey I’ve watched so far.

:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
on May 27, 2009 at 12:31 am Patty (in Dallas)

Go PENS! WOOOOOO!!
on May 27, 2009 at 8:27 am Amy

you’re TOTALLY trying to make the Sabres go back to the goat head, I know it!

NOOOOOOO! I look better in blue/gold than I do in red/black.

So Sid touched the Prince of Wales trophy like Unkie Mario did back in the day. Here’s hoping the Pens put forth some effort in the next round and win or else that darn trophy touch will be the only thing Sid hears about all summer.
on May 27, 2009 at 9:31 am Caitlin

Here’s hoping the Pens put forth some effort in the next round and win or else that darn trophy touch will be the only thing Sid hears about all summer.

I know athletes and fans are superstitious, but I’m already sick of hearing about it. I imagine Sid will want to claw his ears until they bleed by the summer.

He touched the trophy. Big whoop. I’m sure we’ll all live.

Yay Pens! Malkin’s face was goofier than normal in all those photos. Bless him. It is my hope that if Malkin ever gets his hands on a certain large, shiny trophy, that he takes it to his Soviet prison themed restaurant to celebrate. That would be the weirdest celebration ever.
on May 27, 2009 at 10:24 am Pookie

Good morning, everyone! I just have to say, if the Blackhawks go and win tonight, I’m going to be so pissed!
on May 27, 2009 at 10:50 am KenF

the bus is behind the barn in all its faded glory, up on blocks and waist deep in weeds and discarded prophylactics, busted windows and torn up seats, painted in various shades of alcohol and unmentionable secretions.

just the way it should be.
on May 27, 2009 at 10:56 am Amy

if Malkin ever gets his hands on a certain large, shiny trophy, that he takes it to his Soviet prison themed restaurant to celebrate. That would be the weirdest celebration ever.

In Soviet Russia, Cup wins you.
on May 27, 2009 at 11:00 am Caitlin

if the Blackhawks go and win tonight

I’m already resigned to fate. Detroit’s going to win. I’m saving up my hope reserves for the Pens.

up on blocks and waist deep in weeds and discarded prophylactics, busted windows and torn up seats, painted in various shades of alcohol and unmentionable secretions.

:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

In Soviet Russia, Cup wins you.

Heh! Malkin will probably use it to waterboard unsuspecting patrons.
on May 27, 2009 at 11:21 am Schnookie

Good morning, everyone! Man, the comments on that Puck Daddy post about the guy who claims to have supplied steroids to the Caps and Nationals just made my day. I was totally dragging, but now I’m feeling so much better! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I needed that.
on May 27, 2009 at 11:25 am KenF

hey ladies, i have a completely non-hockey related question i need some help on. and with all your sewing expertise i was hoping you’d know. i bought some 16×16 zari pillow covers and now i need to find pillow inserts. i just read at one store to order pillows 2″ larger than the covers to fill them out. do you think this applies to all inserts or just the one i looked at?

any suggestions on where i should buy them? i’m not too far from the Manor in one of the brunswicks.
on May 27, 2009 at 11:28 am Caitlin

Man, the comments on that Puck Daddy post about the guy who claims to have supplied steroids to the Caps and Nationals just made my day.

I should probably go read the comments. Did you see the supplier’s mugshot? He looked like he was keepin’ it classy.
on May 27, 2009 at 11:28 am Schnookie

Oof. I actually know very little about pillow inserts. That makes a lot of sense, to buy them larger, but I wouldn’t want you to rush out and do anything based on my advice… I’m so sorry, KenF! I hope someone else here might know…
on May 27, 2009 at 11:31 am Schnookie

Did you see the supplier’s mugshot? He looked like he was keepin’ it classy.

:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: They always do! That’s why I was never able to make it as a steroid dealer — I just didn’t look the part enough.

(And the comments are just a hoot because NOTHING makes me laugh harder than sports fans who STILL stick their heads in the sand about PEDs. Combine that with the lowest-common-denominator crowd over at Puck Daddy, and it’s a riot.)
on May 27, 2009 at 11:32 am KenF

no need to apologize, just figured i’d throw it out there. they’re really cool covers, cant wait to get them on the couch.
on May 27, 2009 at 11:32 am Morgan

The Nationals are on steroids? Really? I think they’ve been had by there supplier.

“You mean I’ve been injecting B vitamins for real? D’oh!”

And what’s all this with a Wings/Pens finals AGAIN? I mean seriously people, why did we even bother to have a season?
on May 27, 2009 at 11:35 am Schnookie

I’m psyched that you’ve got great pillow covers, KenF! Nice things make life so much better, don’t they?

“You mean I’ve been injecting B vitamins for real? D’oh!”

:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Yeah, that’s not really a clientele you’d want to brag about. “Come buy steroids from me, celebrity steroid dealer to the Washington Nationals!” That just doesn’t have a great ring to it…

And what’s all this with a Wings/Pens finals AGAIN? I mean seriously people, why did we even bother to have a season?

I was thinking the exact same thing last night. Man, what a waste of a hockey year, eh? If the Pens don’t win this, I’m going to want the last 12 months of my life back.
on May 27, 2009 at 11:43 am KenF

The National is a great band, their Boxer album is unbelievable. sorry to hear they’re on steroids.

yeah, i needed to find covers that would make a woman’s clothes just fall off when she saw them. think these would work?

http://www.shopinbulk.com/images3/CUSHIONCOVER191108-055.JPG
on May 27, 2009 at 11:45 am Caitlin

If the Pens don’t win this, I’m going to want the last 12 months of my life back.

Same. Sigh.

The whole steroid abuse thing: Honestly, I can’t see many hockey players juicing like baseball players do just because it doesn’t necessarily benefit their play.

I’m with you, Schnookie, though that those comments are hilarious. Just because hockey players aren’t shooting steroids doesn’t mean that they aren’t using something under the broad umbrella of performance enhancing drugs.

And that drug dealer totally looks ready to party with the Caps at some high class establishment at ANY MOMENT.

“You mean I’ve been injecting B vitamins for real? D’oh!”

“It really WAS flax seed oil? Huh!”
on May 27, 2009 at 11:54 am Schnookie

KenF, those are awesome! Great choice! I hope they work just as planned. :D
on May 27, 2009 at 11:56 am KenF

thanks Schnookie, i got a couple different colors, will let you know how they work out. got the covers, now just need to lure unsuspecting women into my pad…
on May 27, 2009 at 11:59 am Patty (in Dallas)

KenF, you should bring Ryan “Oops, My Shirt Fell Off” Getzlaf in to test them. :P
on May 27, 2009 at 12:02 pm Amy

Just because hockey players aren’t shooting steroids doesn’t mean that they aren’t using something under the broad umbrella of performance enhancing drugs.

Just watch any locker room interview and see how many of them have a vat of GNC’s finest wheat germ/whey/somethingorother sitting behind them. I highly doubt they would be taking them if they didn’t think it helped their game. Illegal, no. Performance enhancing, maybe.
on May 27, 2009 at 12:05 pm Caitlin

KenF, you should bring Ryan “Oops, My Shirt Fell Off” Getzlaf in to test them. :P

:^::::::::::::::::::::::

Ken, those are really pretty pillow covers.

how many of them have a vat of GNC’s finest wheat germ/whey/somethingorother sitting behind them

I’m sorry, but that grosses me out so much. Whenever I see that in interviews, etc. I always think about what that supplement must taste like and all I can come up with is a subtle blend of lima-bean flavored cardboard or something. Nasty.
on May 27, 2009 at 12:06 pm Schnookie

KenF, you should bring Ryan “Oops, My Shirt Fell Off” Getzlaf in to test them.

:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: He skews the curve, what with how ANYTHING makes his clothes fall off. :P

Just because hockey players aren’t shooting steroids doesn’t mean that they aren’t using something under the broad umbrella of performance enhancing drugs.

Exactly! I just love the idea that “Oh, hockey players wouldn’t be helped by just piling on more muscle mass” (a debatable assertion, considering how frequently during the height of baseball’s Steroid Era you’d hear about NHLers in their 30′s showing up at training camp with 15 new pounds of muscle) is somehow considered a valid argument that the National Hockey League is the ONLY big-money sport in the entire world in which the athletes don’t juice in some way or another. I mean, COME ON.
on May 27, 2009 at 12:06 pm Amy

you should bring Ryan “Oops, My Shirt Fell Off” Getzlaf in to test them.

In this case, maybe it should be “Oops, Her Shirt Fell Off”?

lima-bean flavored cardboard

Gross.
on May 27, 2009 at 12:09 pm Schnookie

I always think about what that supplement must taste like and all I can come up with is a subtle blend of lima-bean flavored cardboard or something. Nasty.

:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Mmmmm.
on May 27, 2009 at 12:15 pm KenF

you should bring Ryan “Oops, My Shirt Fell Off” Getzlaf in to test them.

careful, just typing that is liable to make his shirt fall off.

somewhere Ryan Getzlaf is sitting topless somewhere going “damn that Patty (in Dallas)”
on May 27, 2009 at 12:21 pm Caitlin

somehow considered a valid argument that the National Hockey League is the ONLY big-money sport in the entire world in which the athletes don’t juice in some way or another. I mean, COME ON.

Well, these are people who are saying things like if the Russians on the Caps were really juicing, they’d be buying ‘roids from the Russian mob and not some jerk in Florida.

Do people realize that even cyclists are “self-enhancing”? Come on, if the French guy in the sterilizing biker shorts is taking PEDs, I’m sure it’s not that much of a long shot for a NHL player.
on May 27, 2009 at 12:27 pm Schnookie

Come on, if the French guy in the sterilizing biker shorts is taking PEDs, I’m sure it’s not that much of a long shot for a NHL player.

:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Exactly! (And I really did love the subset counterargument in the comments about the Russian Mafia. It’s so nice to finally see a topic that’s hilariously worth reading the comment thread over there. :D)

somewhere Ryan Getzlaf is sitting topless somewhere going “damn that Patty (in Dallas)”

HAHAHA! He’s never sorry to be shirtless, though. Heh.
on May 27, 2009 at 12:30 pm KenF

Come on, if the French guy in the sterilizing biker shorts is taking PEDs, I’m sure it’s not that much of a long shot for a NHL player.

right, not all PEDs will give you a horse face and shrink your dick – or basically turn you into Bobby Holik
on May 27, 2009 at 12:41 pm Caitlin

not all PEDs will give you a horse face and shrink your dick – or basically turn you into Bobby Holik

:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

It’s so nice to finally see a topic that’s hilariously worth reading the comment thread over there.

I can already foresee the Kozlov/Fedorov conspiracy theories. They’re totally going to the KHL because they can get all ‘roided up in the Motherland and no one cares!
on May 27, 2009 at 12:49 pm Patty (in Dallas)

somewhere Ryan Getzlaf is sitting topless somewhere going “damn that Patty (in Dallas)”

Good!
on May 27, 2009 at 1:18 pm Pookie

I can’t decide which was my favorite genre of PD PED comment — the ones about there being no older players have resurgent careers, or the ones about the testing being very strict. ::eyeroll::
on May 27, 2009 at 1:36 pm Schnookie

somewhere Ryan Getzlaf is sitting topless somewhere going “damn that Patty (in Dallas)”

Good!

Heh. The feeling is mutual there! :D
on May 27, 2009 at 2:42 pm KenF

Heh. The feeling is mutual there! :D

somewhere Patty (in Dallas) is sitting topless somewhere going “damn that Ryan Getzlaf” ???
on May 27, 2009 at 2:45 pm Caitlin

the ones about the testing being very strict.

Uh… not that I’m overly familiar with NHL testing rules, but can’t you only be drawn something like 3 times over your entire career to be tested? Some “random” testing.

How about they randomly test entire teams twice a season? That would be a much better idea.
on May 27, 2009 at 2:56 pm Amy

Greg W. just tweeted that the Caps were subject to random testing three times in the past two years. He doesn’t say whether the entire team was tested or just random players. The Caps are downplaying the story.
on May 27, 2009 at 3:09 pm Pookie

I know I’m a complete and total cynic about most things, but nothing brings out my hardcore cynicism more then PEDs in sports — but isn’t it pretty clear that drug testing is really flawed? Of course the players aren’t going to get caught if they’re tested during the season. The PEDs are used for their summer workouts!
on May 27, 2009 at 3:11 pm Schnookie

somewhere Patty (in Dallas) is sitting topless somewhere going “damn that Ryan Getzlaf” ???

Yup! :P

not that I’m overly familiar with NHL testing rules, but can’t you only be drawn something like 3 times over your entire career to be tested? Some “random” testing.

From what I’ve read, it sounds like there’s no playoff or off-season testing. You know, because no one is training during the off-season, and no one’s looking for speedy injury recovery during the playoffs, so you wouldn’t need to test them then. :P
on May 27, 2009 at 3:13 pm KenF

can someone remind me why PEDs are so bad? whats the uproar all about?
on May 27, 2009 at 3:19 pm Caitlin

it sounds like there’s no playoff or off-season testing

Boo on that.

When they finally uncover players using something, people are going to be really, really upset.

Then again, if the guy heading up investigating steroid use is as effective as Colin Campbell, the Titanic is not going to hit the Iceberg of Steroids for roughly another few decades.
on May 27, 2009 at 3:21 pm Schnookie

can someone remind me why PEDs are so bad? whats the uproar all about?

I’m with you. I mean, whatever. I’m certainly not het up about the “integrity” of the sport, and since it exists solely for me at a professional level, I don’t get very worked up about the “consider the children!” aspect. I certainly understand why the presence of steroids in the levels of the sport before pro leagues (all the way down to high school) is such a bad thing, but what can I say? I take the lazy intellectual approach to this kind of stuff. :P
on May 27, 2009 at 3:23 pm Schnookie

Then again, if the guy heading up investigating steroid use is as effective as Colin Campbell, the Titanic is not going to hit the Iceberg of Steroids for roughly another few decades.

:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: I’m thinking, looking at the way things have gone for MLB and the NFL over the last few years, that we’ve been avoiding that iceberg for perhaps as long as we could have expected. :D
on May 27, 2009 at 3:30 pm Caitlin

I’m with you. I mean, whatever. I’m certainly not het up about the “integrity” of the sport, and since it exists solely for me at a professional level, I don’t get very worked up about the “consider the children!” aspect.

Well, I don’t really care about PEDs that much either. I think if the League has rules about it, you should follow that since you’re kind of bound by your contract. But if you’re crazy enough to constantly inject HGH into your body, by all means, go right ahead. :D

That being said, I do see how long-term use could have serious health risks, and I would hate to see bad things happen to athletes who do this. However… I go right back to the “if you’re crazy enough” thing. Personal responsibility at some level, yeah?

I take the lazy intellectual approach to this kind of stuff. :P

Daniel Tosh has a joke in one of his standup acts that he expects professional athletes to take performance enhancing drugs. “Goddammit, I paid for HDTV, do something to make it worth it!” (I’m paraphrasing, but you get the gist.)
on May 27, 2009 at 3:34 pm Pookie

can someone remind me why PEDs are so bad? whats the uproar all about?

I’m with you, too, Ken. I don’t want the quality of the play I’ve come to expect from the players to go down, so I say, they’re adults, let ‘em do whatever they want. And as Schnookie said, I can’t get too worked up about the “won’t someone think of the children” angle either. There are plenty of issues effecting children that I can get worked up about (working in an urban library I see those issues at play all day long) but I can’t say worrying about irresponsible coaches and parents is high on that list. And as for the integrity of the sport, fuck that. Now the shootout, that messes with the integrity of the sport. Let’s work harder on banning that!
on May 27, 2009 at 3:42 pm Schnookie

“Goddammit, I paid for HDTV, do something to make it worth it!”

:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: I agree! And honestly, look at the physiques of guys from the ’50s and compare them to today’s NHLers. I would SO much rather take the modern-day guys out behind the barn, and I suspect I have PEDs to thank for that! :P
on May 27, 2009 at 3:45 pm Amy

Now the shootout, that messes with the integrity of the sport. Let’s work harder on banning that!

But the fans love the drama of the shootout! Kidding! A team sport should not come down to individual heroics.

I’m keeping my head in the sand until Crunchy shows up to camp looking like he ate an entire Panera Bread’s worth of sammiches. Then, I’ll believe something’s rotten with my guys.
on May 27, 2009 at 3:51 pm Schnookie

I love the drama of steroids. :D

I’m keeping my head in the sand until Crunchy shows up to camp looking like he ate an entire Panera Bread’s worth of sammiches. Then, I’ll believe something’s rotten with my guys.

:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Crunchy thinks food should be a banned substance.
on May 27, 2009 at 3:52 pm Caitlin

I would SO much rather take the modern-day guys out behind the barn, and I suspect I have PEDs to thank for that! :P

Agreed! Heh. Just don’t hurt yourselves or give yourselves coronaries, dudes.

A team sport should not come down to individual heroics.

Concurred. While we’re due for the PED controversy, I’m sure, I’d rather have the League overhaul its suspension policy. Wish in one hand, spit in the other, you know… but… eh.
on May 27, 2009 at 3:54 pm Pookie

Good point, Caitlin — the suspension policy fucks with the integrity almost as much as the shootout! :D
on May 27, 2009 at 3:55 pm Schnookie

Just don’t hurt yourselves or give yourselves coronaries, dudes.

Or if you do, wait until you’re retired and old and ugly. I’ll have replaced you with someone younger and prettier by then, so I won’t care.
on May 27, 2009 at 4:03 pm Caitlin

Or if you do, wait until you’re retired and old and ugly. I’ll have replaced you with someone younger and prettier by then, so I won’t care.

At least until cyborg technology comes along and we can keep players going forever. Heh.

Good point, Caitlin — the suspension policy fucks with the integrity almost as much as the shootout! :D

Fuck dangerous shots to the head, I know Chelios has got a stash of HGH somewhere. Let’s get our CSI on, people!
on May 27, 2009 at 4:40 pm carolbrowne

Guys…I heart the shoot-out. *runs and hides.* Just in the regular season, though. Never in the play-offs, I swear. I just love the one-on-one thing. Very sexy. RAWR!

A team sport should not come down to individual heroics.

But it’s so exciting!

I’m kind of old school in my thinking about steroids – it’s just tacky. And causes brain tumours and shrinks your balls. And gives you roid rage. All those things I know nothing about. Well, other than it being tacky. Just say “no” to being tacky. Nothing’s worse than a tacky hockey player.
on May 27, 2009 at 4:48 pm Schnookie

You LIKE the shootout???? I’m sorry, Carol. You’re going to have to leave now. :P

Just say “no” to being tacky. Nothing’s worse than a tacky hockey player.

:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: The NHL should totally hire you to give that speech to all the teams during training camp. That would effectively end all steroid use in the NHL!
on May 27, 2009 at 5:16 pm carolbrowne

Darn it, I was afraid I’d have to leave the class for that. But I DO heart the shoot out…it’s like Fifa World Cup Soccer that way. But ONLY in the regular season. Not in the play-offs. Can I please have an extension for that? Please?

Trust me, I know tacky, boys. And steroids is ALL tacky All the time. Don’t let it happen to YOU.
on May 27, 2009 at 5:31 pm Caitlin

Off topic, -Ookies, but have y’all seen Razor’s blog? I know you guys are Razor’s Super #1 Fans, but he had a post up about calling games with Doc and basically is in the OMG I LOVE DOC fanclub. Heh.

Well, other than it being tacky. Just say “no” to being tacky. Nothing’s worse than a tacky hockey player.

Ouch. That means they’ll all have to say no to shopping at Crunchy’s Hipster Emporium as well.
on May 27, 2009 at 5:38 pm Schnookie

Awww! I love Doc too! Razor and I have so much in common!
on May 27, 2009 at 5:47 pm Caitlin

Razor and I have so much in common!

Razor’s going to show up at your door, talking all big about how he hates the shootout and y’all will be BFF. :p