A while back we published a shocking list of 38 things you don’t know about Sid Crosby. In order to drum up a bit more interest in this godforsaken Stanley Cup Finals, we decided to do some investigating and come up with a similarly shocking and similarly numbered list of things you don’t know about tomorrow’s Game 7. We’re not trying to start any kind of trouble or ensnare anyone in any scandals — we’re just trying to bring the truth to light.
(Unrelated to this list, but related to Game 7, we’d like to thank Tyler from The Triple Deke for asking us to pen a guest post about our experiences with SCF Game 7s. The Triple Deke is a wonderful blog, and if you’d like to read our post, you can find it here.)
1. If you rub a balloon on Zetterberg’s beard for five minutes, you can use the ensuing static electricity to power a 75 watt lightbulb for the length of the first intermission.
2. There are only 39 things you don’t know about Sid Crosby, and we’ve already told you 38 of them.
3. Kirk Maltby revs himself up for games by reading the Oconee County phone book.
4. Joe Sakic contacted a lawyer in the hopes of suing the Red Wings over the term “Joe Vision”; Sakic had been planning to unveil a brand of signature glasses frames under the name “Joe Vision” in July.
5. Bill Guerin is quite literally a “pea-brain”. His brain stem terminates in a pea. The rest of his cranial cavity is filled with sawdust.
6. Prior to stepping in late in the season to guide an NHL team to the Stanley Cup Finals, Dan Bylsma’s greatest accomplishment was successfully inventing device to keep bananas from bruising in brown bag lunches.
7. Brian Rafalski stole a Scott Stevens sweater from the dressing room before leaving NJ. He keeps it in a mahogany box hidden under his bed, and whenever he’s feeling down in the mouth, he puts the sweater on, poses in front of the mirror, and asks his reflection, “Who’s a pretty boy? Who’s a pretty boy?”
8. Whenever Doc Emrick’s mic is turned off, he silently weeps for what hockey broadcasting has become.
9. Darren Helm is hot. No really, you probably don’t know this, because you’re so tired of hearing him lauded as being the greatest hockey player to ever breathe that you instinctively ascribe entirely negative attributes to him.
10. When Troy Crosby heard Rob Scuderi’s new nickname, he used his superstar son’s money to purchase every jigsaw puzzle for sale in the greater Pittsburgh metro area. He then arranged them in the shape of the Rbk logo, set it alight, and giggled as the bonfire burned.
11. Hal Gill has an actual medical condition that prevents him from ever doing anything right. He caught it from Marc-Andre Fleury, who has a rare intermittent case of it.
12. When asked, none of the players involved in the Stanley Cup Finals could correctly locate Chile on a world map.
13. It’s all a conspiracy against both teams. All of it.
14. Maxime Talbot hopes to quit his day job as soon as he can make a decent living off his Etsy shop.
15. The Devils played cribbage during their playoff “run”, the Hawks let loose with Wii MarioKart, and the Wings spent their downtime playing Trouble. That is, until Kronwell obliterated the little plastic dome that houses the dice. Lidstrom suggested they simply roll the dice to continue the game, but at that point, the spell was broken.
16. Kris Letang has a fillet of penguin in his freezer.
17. Ray Shero is terrified of ice.
18. Chris Chelios has also forgotten that he exists.
19. NBC is losing considerable amounts of money on this game because their permit to use Mike Milbury in public expired on Wednesday; the extension fees for a Milbury permit are designed to be exorbitant enough to discourage anyone from applying for one. This is one of very few financial burdens the network failed to shunt onto the NHL in the fine print of their broadcast agreement.
20. Win or lose, Henry and Linda Staal still love Jordan third-best of all their sons.
21. Miro Satan doesn’t think it would be at all funny to play for the Devils, but sadly, most of his teammates do. There have been no less than 45 man games lost by the Penguins this season as a result of injuries he has inflicted on teammates who have made the mistake of saying, “You know what would be funny? If you played for the Devils.” Satan’s explanation for his short temper is always a terse, “It’s pronounced differently, jackass.”
22. Nick Lidstrom’s testicle has long wished that it was the center of attention, so it’s delighted at the recent media kerfuffle about it.
23. There are concerns in the Pittsburgh front offices that Sid Crosby will not be able to play well, as he’s announced behind closed doors that he’s “waiting for Game 87 to make [his] statement.” No amount of explanation of how the playoff format works seems to have made a dent.
24. That giant cartoon-esque octopus’s arms are getting very sore from holding that pose all season. It can’t wait for the series to end so it can just go out behind the Joe to stretch and smoke a cigarette.
25. Evgeni Malkin spends six hours every day having extensive, life-like make applied to give him his trademark lumpen potato face; in actuality, he is strikingly handsome but has always been insecure about imagined flaws in his visage.
26. Pierre McGuire plans to get invited to as many of the winning players’ days with the Stanley as possible, in the hope that one of them will let him sit naked in the bowl of the Cup so he can poop in it.
27. Mike Babcock keeps a list of all the names of every pro athlete he thinks never should have been drafted. The joke’s on him, though, because several of the names on there — including, surprisingly, Brian Rafalski — weren’t drafted at all.
28. Marian Hossa can’t wait to eat that monkey.
29. Ed Olczyk has petitioned the League to allow his name to be included on the Cup if the Pens win. His grounds for inclusion are that he was “responsible for making Marc-Andre Fleury awesome.” The League hasn’t responded because they’re still not sure whether the petition was a joke.
30. The NBA has petitioned the League to allow LeBron James’s name to be included on the Cup if either team wins. If not LeBron proper, they will be satisfied with Puppet LeBron.
31. Mike Babcock has petitioned the League to allow only his name be engraved on the Cup if either team wins. If the League won’t comply, Babcock is prepared to whine his way to victory.
32. Pavel Datsyuk doesn’t know what this “candy corn” is that you speak of.
33. The GMs of both teams are beginning to believe that every rule in the CBA was devised specifically to keep them from succeeding by a cabal of shadowy League officials. Only one of those GMs is right.
34. Chris Osgood credits his surprising playoff success to his new yoga and meditation regimen. “I had literally forgotten how to play hockey,” he says in a testimonial for a Detroit-area chain of yoga schools, “but now my mind is open again and the hockey has flooded back in.” The Red Wings’ defensive system has plans to file a lawsuit against the chain of yoga schools, because it believes it deserves the credit more than the yoga does.
35. In a further attempt to have himself declared the next Scott Stevens, Brooks Orpik challenged Petr Sykora after Game 6 about the veracity of his alleged foot injury. Further proving that Orpik is no Scott Stevens, Sykora ignored him.
36. The Stanley Cup doesn’t think the whole “Mario’s swimming pool” thing was very funny, because it can’t swim.
37. The series is fixed.
38. We aren’t going to like either one of these teams more for winning. Oh, wait. You already knew that.
AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAH! I love this! claclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapcalcpalcpalcpa!
I exTREMEly curious about Max’s Etsy shop. What does he sell?
I also feel a lot better about my crush on Malkin now that I know he’s handsome underneath that potato face. I KNEW it!
Gadzuke’s candy corn head! LOLLERSKATES! And I wish Maxime Talbot all the very best with his etsy shop. Teehee!
Sakic had been planning to unveil a brand of signature glasses frames under the name “Joe Vision” in July.
Do they feature the Opti-Grab? :P
What a great list! Many of those things I was suspicious about. I’m glad you cleared them up!
Poor Gronk.
Great stuff, number 25 made me actually laugh out loud.
These are amazing. Thank you for a great laugh to start this Friday morning!
Nick Lidstrom’s testicle has long wished that it was the center of attention, so it’s delighted at the recent media kerfuffle about it.
That sound you heard was Phil Kessel sighing in relief as he now no longer has the most talked about testicle in the league.
And if Maxime’s Etsy shop doesn’t take off, he can rest on the royalties from his Venom Energy drink ads.
I exTREMEly curious about Max’s Etsy shop. What does he sell?
I’ll give you two hints: the stuff he sells is cute-sy and ironic. Heh.
Do they feature the Opti-Grab?
Of course they do! :^:::::::::::::::::::::::: Joe’s looking forward to that check for one hundred dollars, one hundred smackeroos.
That sound you heard was Phil Kessel sighing in relief as he now no longer has the most talked about testicle in the league.
Heh. Same with Patrick Thoresen!
Brent, I’m glad you liked the post!
Thanks, everyone! And good morning!
I think Max’s Etsy shop sells extremely life-like masks. He was the one who designed Geno’s potato face.
Brilliante post Ookies. When PETA gonna step in and do somthing for that poor octopus?
Joe’s looking forward to that check for one hundred dollars, one hundred smackeroos.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
I think Max’s Etsy shop sells extremely life-like masks. He was the one who designed Geno’s potato face.
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Etsy is like the home of cute and ironic or just plain ugly. There’s not much on Etsy I would buy, really.
When PETA gonna step in and do somthing for that poor octopus?
The octopus has been wondering that for years.
It’s a PETA conspiracy.
Pookie, :^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: I can’t believe PETA’s out to get the Red Wings too! Man, EVERYONE’S out to get them!
It’s a PETA conspiracy.
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
You guys, I’m stuck here at work until 3. It’s Friday! In the summer! That means I should be able to take a half-day, but someone decided that we needed admin coverage here, and I drew the short straw this week. There’s NO ONE here, and the group I’m offering coverage for is in another building. I thought I was going to be fine with this, but now it’s time to go home… and I can’t! It’s SO TERRIBLE!
And that’s my story. I’m sure everyone was wondering. :P
Your schedule is an ABOMINATION, Schnookie! I feel terrible for you!
I’m not sure “abomination” is a strong enough word for it, but thanks. I appreciate your sympathy.
I’ve also reached the end of the interwebs, but that’s another story.
Ugh, that sucks, Schnookie. But it could be worse. You could be working until 5 like I am.
I’ve also reached the end of the interwebs, but that’s another story.
The interwebs are much shorter than usual lately.
But it could be worse. You could be working until 5 like I am.
Ummm… nah. That wouldn’t be worse. :P (I’m kidding. I realize I’m being a total baby, and that sitting around a quiet office for two fewer hours than I would on a regular day is hardly something to complain about. Heh.) (Of course, I’d be napping RIGHT THIS MINUTE if I could go home…)
The interwebs are much shorter than usual lately.
They are! And it’s not just that there’s no hockey content to read. There’s NOTHING to read.
The interwebs are much shorter than usual lately.
They really are. I even had two hours of doing instant message reference here at the library and aside from a bunch of schoolkids asking about for biographies, the only question was “Can I get my boyfriend pregnant?” Sigh.
…the only question was “Can I get my boyfriend pregnant?”
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Children are our future, you know.
Well, I view it as “Hey, kids are prank calling the virtual reference librarians — at least they know the virtual reference service is there and available to them!” Heh.
…the only question was “Can I get my boyfriend pregnant?”
Children are our future, you know.
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: I’m so glad they have Pookie as their rudder as they carry us all into a better, brighter world.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who’s struggling to find anything on the internet… It’s dead out there today. Holy smokes!
the only question was “Can I get my boyfriend pregnant?” Sigh
…Had they been watching Colbert? He had a joke about that the other night on The Word. :D
…Do you regularly get asked questions about reproductive health, Pookie? That seems so strange to me.
Do you regularly get asked questions about reproductive health, Pookie?
No, thank goodness! :D (I did get someone asking if his girlfriend was lying when she said she had to get an abortion for medical reasons. I was like, “Whoa, waaaaay outta my league, buddy! I really don’t think my Masters in Library Science covers this!”)
I have story. I backed out of a 5KM “race” (I just walk them) with my friend (that we booked like…4 months ago) tonight so I could watch the game. Now my friend is really mad at me. I chose hockey instead of a friend. This does not feel good at all.
For my sake, I hope this is a good game and not a total blow out like the game before last. Heh.
I feel rotten. :-(
And that’s my sad story.
I did get someone asking if his girlfriend was lying when she said she had to get an abortion for medical reasons. I was like, “Whoa, waaaaay outta my league, buddy! I really don’t think my Masters in Library Science covers this!”
Because when I have questions about abortion, the local librarian is the FIRST person I think of! Goodness.
Pookie, it’s like you’re a bartender but not! A booktender!
Now my friend is really mad at me. I chose hockey instead of a friend. This does not feel good at all.
Awww, Carol, I’m sorry. Did you tell her that you were going to watch the game?
Children are our future, you know.
One of my teammates majors in English, and she’s in the middle of some sort of internship thing at a local high school. One of the girls in the class she teaches apparently read some book out of the Twilight series for a book report. Her title for the report? “VAMPIRE BABY OMG”.
Yeah, she’s gonna go far.
I chose hockey instead of a friend. This does not feel good at all.
Awww, Carol, I’m so sorry you feel bad! That said, I ALWAYS choose hockey over friends. That’s just the deal when you’re friends with me, yo. :P
Awww, Carol, I’m sorry. Did you tell her that you were going to watch the game?
Yup. And she said, “Well, I hope it’s worth it.”. OUCH.
I ALWAYS choose hockey over friends.
Oh good! I’m not alone!
Her title for the report? “VAMPIRE BABY OMG”.
To be fair, I walked around like that for about four or five days after reading that book, so I can’t really fault the girl. It really is semi brain destroying.
I feel awful for teachers/librarians/etc because they hear some ridiculous, ridiculous shit. The classroom scene in Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure (Q: “Who was Joan of Arc?” A: “… Noah’s wife?”) isn’t even really a joke.
And she said, “Well, I hope it’s worth it.”. OUCH.
Ouch indeed. It’s not that I wouldn’t have chosen hockey over the race, because I kind maybe totally would have, but I can see how it hurts to have a friend say that.
Yup. And she said, “Well, I hope it’s worth it.”. OUCH.
OH, ouch! That’s a bummer. I’m so sorry, Carol.
Yup. And she said, “Well, I hope it’s worth it.”. OUCH.
Oooh, burn. I tend not to actually tell my friends I’m ditching them for hockey. I make up other excuses. (And don’t have very many friends. I wonder if that’s related to the fact that I always choose hockey first? :P)
Pookie, it’s like you’re a bartender but not! A booktender!
:^::::::::::::::
Carol, your friend doesn’t know what she’s missing! If she knew the true and inspiring love of hockey, she’d understand!
Her title for the report? “VAMPIRE BABY OMG”.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Her title for the report? “VAMPIRE BABY OMG”.
Yeah, she’s gonna go far.
LOL. But, I swear, there are times I would sympathize with her.
About 20 years ago, at a very respected institution of higher learning, in a history class about the Tudors and Stuarts, we were asked to write a paper about the ongoing re-examination of the life and role of Jane Seymour, Henry VIII’s 3rd wife.
After writing the paper, I was sitting there trying to think what the title should be. It will tell you something about the subject matter that the most appropriate title seemed to be: “Jane Seymour – Wimp or Bitch?”
So…Mirtle just tweeted that Pronger and his elbows were traded to the Kings for Jack Johnson and the 5th overall pick.
“VAMPIRE BABY OMG”.
I titled a paper on No Child Left Behind “Oh the Places You’ll Go and the Tests You’ll Take.” The prof loved it. But the Vampire OMG is just ridiculous.
So…Mirtle just tweeted that Pronger and his elbows were traded to the Kings for Jack Johnson and the 5th overall pick.
NO WAY! Why can’t he go to the East?! WHY!?!
Maybe the kid was being sarcastic by calling it Vampire Baby OMG. It’s funny that way.
I titled a paper on No Child Left Behind “Oh the Places You’ll Go and the Tests You’ll Take.”
That’s a great one!
I wrote a paper in freshman Art History comparing the chairs of Ancient Rome to the chairs of Ancient Greece. I called it, “Comparing the Chairs of Ancient Rome to the Chairs of Ancient Greece,” by Patty (in Norman).
My lack of creativity is why I only spent one year as an Art major.
Wait. They can make trades now? I thought they had to wait for the Finals to be over.
(Sorry to spam.)
(Sorry to spam.)
You interrupted us with…hockey. Hmmmmph!!!
So…Mirtle just tweeted that Pronger and his elbows were traded to the Kings for Jack Johnson and the 5th overall pick.
Aw fuck, seriously? Dammit.
I titled a paper on No Child Left Behind “Oh the Places You’ll Go and the Tests You’ll Take.”
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: That’s an awesome title!
I used to grade papers as a teacher’s aide in high school and one of the required reading books was The Scarlet Letter by Nathanial Hawthorne. People would turn in essays simply titled “The Scarlatt Lettar”. The book is right in front of you! How hard is that?
Then again, it might have been catching from the teacher. She was a nice lady but she decided to add Hermann Hesse novels to her class. Which was American Literature. They finally had to get the principal down there to explain that Hermann Hesse was German and therefore did not qualify to be taught in an American Lit course.
I titled a paper on No Child Left Behind “Oh the Places You’ll Go and the Tests You’ll Take.”
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
They finally had to get the principal down there to explain that Hermann Hesse was German
That’s so awesome. Heh.
So… Pronger’s a King? Weird.
So… Pronger’s a King? Weird.
Meh. I’ll believe it when I see it. As RudyKelly pointed out, the guy who is “reporting” this is a writer for Eklund’s site.
She was a nice lady but she decided to add Hermann Hesse novels to her class. Which was American Literature.
Hahaha!
“Kids today” aren’t the only problem in schools, eh?
As RudyKelly pointed out, the guy who is “reporting” this is a writer for Eklund’s site.
Ew.
RudyKelly’s always right. So I’ll wait. :D
. As RudyKelly pointed out, the guy who is “reporting” this is a writer for Eklund’s site.
Ouch. Okay. Well, Patty, there’s still hope that they’ll take Pronger out back and put him down. Or, alternately, send him East.
Well, Patty, there’s still hope that they’ll take Pronger out back and put him down.
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::
Or, alternately, send him East.
Nooooo. We don’t want him!
So far today I’ve read that Heatley is going to L&A for Gilbert & O’Sullivan (insert joke about it always being about duty here), to Chicago for Soupy and to NY for Gomer and Drury. Is this insanity because the draft is so soon?
I just checked Rudy’s comment thread and apparently their GM is denying it.
If it’s not true, I think everybody that reported it, based on a writer on Eklund’s site, has to print a full apology. And that means Mirtle’s tweet, too. :P
Or, alternately, send him East.
Nooooo. We don’t want him!
Agreed! Oh Pronger. Can we all agree that he just needs to go? To Siberia, maybe.
I’m writing the opposition for a paper titled “Capital asset pricing models and performance: Why money is a good servant, but a terrible master”. Fascinating, no? *falls asleep*
Dude, Martle’s tweeting based on something reported on HockeyBuzz?!? Eff that.
SQUEE! I just booked my flight to Montreal!
Dude, Martle’s tweeting based on something reported on HockeyBuzz?!? Eff that.
In Martle’s defense, it was also reported on The Score. Where it was undoubtedly scooped from Hockeybuzz.
I can’t believe you can all remember paper titles from college! I can’t remember any of mine. I guess that’s either becuase I wrote 80 bajillion of ‘em, or more likely, they had really shitty titles.
SQUEE! I just booked my flight to Montreal!
YAY! Jealous! Have fun!
Ok, I’m having a minor issue with the game. I want to watch because hey, nothing beats game 7. But I’m at my parents’ house, and the TV is downstairs. It’s a freaking huge awesome HD TV, and I love it. BUT we have no wireless here, and no internet connection in the living room. So I can’t get online to talk about the game.
So, do I sacrifice y’all and watch Game 7 downstairs, or do I sit up here to listen on the radio and chat to youse?
I probably won’t be able to hang here tonight, myself, Mags. I’ll have sister and nephews sitting on the couch with me. I won’t want to be rude and chat online the whole time. :D
So… Pronger’s a King? Weird.
Pronger has the dirtiest name. Every time I hear his name, I hear the sound of bwowoowwowong (kind of like when you bonk the door stop with the spring) in my mind and picture a huge fallace sproinging in front of him.
Skating like that of course. Apparently now in his King’s uniform.
I probably won’t be able to hang here tonight, myself, Mags.
Hmmm, ok. Problem is no one else here wants to watch with me. My mom is too scared, and my sister says she doesn’t care. And watching hockey alone is boring…
Every time I hear his name, I hear the sound of bwowoowwowong (kind of like when you bonk the door stop with the spring) in my mind and picture a huge fallace sproinging in front of him.
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Satan’s explanation for his short temper is always a terse, “It’s pronounced differently, jackass.”
I saw a t-shirt when Satan was with the Sabres that said “God Saves, But Satan Scores.” I thought it was funny until I tried to explain it to a friend. It loses something when you say it out loud.
Mags, you’ll probably be able to find the game online tonight
Hmmm. Let me try to finish my thought: Mags, you’ll probably be able to find the game online tonight, so you can watch on your computer AND with IPB. The picture won’t be as good as HD, but it’s better than radio.
It loses something when you say it out loud.
Heh. “So true,” says Miro Satan.
What the fucking fuck? Is NBC trying to remind all the teams who don’t have coaches why they don’t want to hire these guys?
CBC has cameras in Sid’s hometown, so we will get to see the villagers rejoice if the Pens win tonight.
Also, Pierre looks exactly like if Peter the Great had been miniature.
kind of like when you bonk the door stop with the spring
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Mags, I agree with mcguggs — find a feed online!
Casual Hockey fan: “Why are these two douchebags talking to jerseys? Hockey sucks. Is Rock of Love on?”
Man, that link to the Peter the Great picture just kicked my ass. :P
Casual Hockey fan: “Why are these two douchebags talking to jerseys? Hockey sucks. Is Rock of Love on?”
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Also, “This would be so much more interesting to me if this footage was from 1965.”
Man, that link to the Peter the Great picture just kicked my ass. :P
If it makes you feel better, I plan on leaving it open in another internet tab so I can flip to it whenever Pierre talks.
Also, “This would be so much more interesting to me if this footage was from 1965.”
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
If it makes you feel better, I plan on leaving it open in another internet tab so I can flip to it whenever Pierre talks.
That does make me feel better. Ooh, ooh, everyone flip over now!
Even though the statue of Peter the Great’s mouth isn’t moving, it still feels realistic!
Anthem chickie is setting a new low for trashy tonight.
And the Pens look like they’re going to have a collective vomit attack within the next five minutes.
I can’t believe I’ve never made the Pierre-Peter the Great connection before! It’s uncanny! And unnatural…
I can’t believe I’ve never made the Pierre-Peter the Great connection before! It’s uncanny! And unnatural…
Well, it was a tough connection to make, what with Pierre being literally only a quarter as tall as Peter the Great…
Dude, the Wings should be forced to get a new arena if they ever want to have their home games televised again. I can’t stand how shitty the TV sightlines are at the Joe. Sit down, assholes! We’re trying to watch the game!
The Red Wings are quite proud of their arena. Of course, that’s because no one has told them what “dilapidated” means.
Woah. Jordan’s kind of looking like an Amish serial killer. He’ll kill you, then churn you into butter!
Okay, last random thought for at least five minutes: Which do you think looks/would look funnier in the between the benches box, Pierre or Peter the Great’s Statue?
He’ll kill you, then churn you into butter!
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Henry and Linda say, “Keep that up, and you’ll be fourth favorite!”
He’ll kill you, then churn you into butter!
He’ll kill you BY churning you into butter. It’s a VERY painful way to die.
And I would love to see them replace Pierre with Peter the Great. That would be magnificent.
Of course, that’s because no one has told them what “dilapidated” means.
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Henry and Linda say, “Keep that up, and you’ll be fourth favorite!”
But not if he turns them into butter first.
I can’t believe the Joe is only 30 years old. It seems like it should be so much older than that.
I can’t believe the Joe is only 30 years old.
WHAAAAAAAAA? Damn, the years have NOT been kind. Sheesh.
I can’t believe the Joe is only 30 years old. It seems like it should be so much older than that.
Arena’s are like dogs. You have to multiply by 7 years.
Oh, nice. “Better Days”. Love hearing that song right now. Eff you GE. I’m gonna go break some fluorescent bulbs now.
WHAAAAAAAAA? Damn, the years have NOT been kind. Sheesh.
Yeah, I looked it up. The building opened in 1979.
And that GE commercial playing “Better Days” makes me want to stick that soldering iron in my eye.
Eff you GE. I’m gonna go break some fluorescent bulbs now.
GE: “Joke’s on you. Have fun with the mercury vapors!”
Henry and Linda say, “Keep that up, and you’ll be fourth favorite!”
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: No! Not behind the brother in the minors!!
I don’t plan on saying anything pertaining to hockey tonight, soooo, does Babcock have permanent acid reflux? Why the hell does he talk like that?
GE: “Joke’s on you. Have fun with the mercury vapors!”
*puts down White Out and modeling glue* Do we have any fluorescent bulbs around?
does Babcock have permanent acid reflux? Why the hell does he talk like that?
He talks like that because even he doesn’t give a shit about that stupid McGill tie.
*puts down White Out and modeling glue* Do we have any fluorescent bulbs around?
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
*puts down White Out and modeling glue* Do we have any fluorescent bulbs around?
Someone tie a string around mcguffers ankle so when she becomes high as a kite she’ll return safely back to where she started from.
And the Flyers are looking at Esche to backup Emery? They’ll have the best goalie jeer combo in the league!
And the Flyers are looking at Esche to backup Emery? They’ll have the best goalie jeer combo in the league!
HAHAHAHAHA! Esche? Well, it seems sometimes you have to go on a very long journey to end up right where you started. (And this is just to keep themselves delusionally believing they’re getting Bouwmeester, right?)
Also, it’s very appropriate that the team that gave us the Hextall chant should have great jeerable goalies. :D
Thank You bad weather. Cut Milbury right off, but instead of the usual 20 minute update is was only two, darn.
Myra’s Hub
Amy, I tied my shoelaces to my chair, so I should be okay :D
Are they still playing?
That goal should encourage sales at Talbot’s Etsy store.
Cut Milbury right off, but instead of the usual 20 minute update is was only two, darn.
Man, what a tease that weather was! How cruel!
And heh. We just came back from making cookie pudding, and it’s awfully quiet at the Joe. (Comparitively.)
That goal should encourage sales at Talbot’s Etsy store.
It should! He’s got high hopes that that goal might be the one to put him over the top into profitability.
This game soooo doesn’t feel like a game 7 to me!
RAWWWRRRR. Talbot is so foxy.
Geez. I made this boozy juicey lemonade thing and I think I’m going to be drunk after one. Lol.
I do love overly boozy lemonade things like that, alix. Send me one! :P
Hey, I know that wooden bench!
The NHL channel had game 7 of 2004 finals playing today. I was more interested in that one, and I knew the outcome.
Hey, I know that wooden bench!
So does Brian Rafalski!
What happened to poor little Sidbit? I was distracted by a Youtube video.
That goal should encourage sales at Talbot’s Etsy store.
LOLLERSKATES! His handmade goals shoppe.
Cue the Klezmer music!
LOLS!! At Hal Gill almost getting a breakaway.
Schnookie,
coming right up.
(@@)
(@@)
I just realized how much I do not want the Penguins to win.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Ozzzzzzz-ie! Ozzzzzzzzz-ie! Maxie is the bomb-diggity.
That was unexpected!
Hits at the etsy shoppe are through the roof right now!
I just realized how much I do not want the Penguins to win.
I actually just realized how much I don’t care that one of these teams is going to win the Cup tonight. It’s just made me REALLY want October/November hockey back.
RWARRRRR. I want to roll around Max’s virtual etsy shop with him.
It’s just made me REALLY want October/November hockey back.
That too. A friend of mine who just recently moved to Pittsburgh is plastering her Facebook with updates about the Penguins. My problem is she roots for whatever sports team her boyfriend at the time roots for. So she’s “loved” the Giants, Yankees, Cleveland Browns, Rangers, Steelers and now the Penguins. There is no way in hell “her team” should win a Stanley Cup before my team.
(and what I meant by that is, there is no way the Penguins should win a Stanley Cup now that she is a fan before the Sabres win a cup ever. I am aware the Pens have actually won before)
I want to roll around Max’s virtual etsy shop with him.
What are we going to do during the summer when the boys won’t be doing anything to warrant trips behind the barn or rolls around the virtual shop?
There is no way in hell “her team” should win a Stanley Cup before my team.
Oh god, I HATE that. People like that should be thrown into dungeons.
I am aware the Pens have actually won before
It’s a good thing you added that or else Pierre The Great was going to have to remind you that he was instrumental in winning those!
I’m feeling sorry for Detroit the City. Times are so tough there is a Honda add on the boards.
What are we going to do during the summer when the boys won’t be doing anything to warrant trips behind the barn or rolls around the virtual shop?
Man, we’re all going to be randy and ready to go when October rolls around, aren’t we? :P
Those assholes weren’t around in January when they lost 10 in a row at home. They don’t deserve playoff tickets.
Oops. Heh.
Hey, but that was in January when I was still a “homer” as Mike calls it…when you only know about the team where you live and no one else. Not anymore! I’m edumakating myself on ALL the teams. I may even read some stats and everything.
There is no way in hell “her team” should win a Stanley Cup before my team.
Oh mannn. Facebook was littered with Canucks “fans” during their painfully short playoff run. They kept msging me about going to the games and shit. Arghhhhh. I lost my shit. Those assholes weren’t around in January when they lost 10 in a row at home. They don’t deserve playoff tickets.
It’s a good thing you added that or else Pierre The Great was going to have to remind you that he was instrumental in winning those!
Just the thought of that is making my ears burn!
What are we going to do during the summer when the boys won’t be doing anything to warrant trips behind the barn or rolls around the virtual shop?
Sabres Lunch Express. Kevin Sylvester is getting a lot of post season love from me!
Those assholes weren’t around in January when they lost 10 in a row at home. They don’t deserve playoff tickets.
We had the most repulsive people sitting in front of us during G7 in 2003 (they didn’t make our rhapsodic post on The Triple Deke… heh); they were the CLASSIC New York-area bandwagon fans. I think they even mentioned at one point that they were Rangers fans. The guy in front of me was sending vulgar texts to a friend through the whole game. Those assholes got to see a Stanley Cup Final Game 7. Doesn’t that suck?
Doesn’t that suck?
Yup. AND they were tacky to boot. Very bad form.
Hey, but that was in January when I was still a “homer” as Mike calls it…when you only know about the team where you live and no one else.
Oh don’t worry Carol! I never thought you were one of those hosers.
I wouldn’t even mind the casual bandwagon fan as long as they owned it and didn’t try to trash talk. Especially when I have to tell you things about your team. Like, say, that Lemieux actually played for the Penguins. Furckers.
Those assholes got to see a Stanley Cup Final Game 7. Doesn’t that suck?
Schnookie, that’s one of the most terrible things I’ve ever heard. And I’m so sorry you had to sit near them.
Hey, but that was in January when I was still a “homer” as Mike calls it…when you only know about the team where you live and no one else. Not anymore! I’m edumakating myself on ALL the teams. I may even read some stats and everything.
Awww, everyone has to start somewhere! (Although reading STATS???? Aren’t you taking things a bit far? I would NEVER recommend reading STATS. :P)
Like, say, that Lemieux actually played for the Penguins.
He did?! You don’t say!
Mike Harrington is speculating about what the league is going to do if Sid’s lower body is injured and the Pens win the game. Will they wheel Sid out in a wheelchair for the lifting of the big shiny thing?
Blech…the hockey rumours portion of the show with a mention of Celine Dion’s “Titanic of an offer” for the Habs. Ah BOOOO! BOOOO!
Celine Dion’s “Titanic of an offer” for the Habs.
And you can QUOTE them on that! *Rimshot*
Heh. Who wouldn’t want to be owned by Celine Dion’s husband?
Okay, the Bridgestone commercial where the car is coming close to the squirrel and everyone (including the lady in the car) starts screaming cracks me up because for the past two weeks my car has been a wildlife magnet. I’ve even killed a chipmunk. And every time the dumb little furballs start running to the car, I start freaking out and screaming obscenities at them like “Get the hell away from me you suicidal little fuckball!” or “What the fuck is your problem?? Get away from the road, dumbass!!!”
mcuggs, you’re a MURDERER!
I once ran over a rabbit on my way to work. I had a very low-to-the-ground car (a Saab), and the rabbit caught on the front and dragged a bit. Pookie and I worked in the same office, but her shift started an hour after mine, so I knew she’d be driving the same way later. So when she got to work, I was all ready to be all upset and all, “I killed a rabbit on my way to work today!” but she beat me to it by saying, disgusted, “Did you SEE that gross dead rabbit? It was, like, SKINNED!” Yeah, that was me. :P
“Did you SEE that gross dead rabbit? It was, like, SKINNED!” Yeah, that was me. :P
What is wrong with me? I started laughing when I read that. Ugh. I’m a terrible person. Skinned dead rabbit! Hardeeharhar!
I got a squicky feeling hearing Pierre talk about Sid laboring on the bench. Like Sid’s going to give birth to a bouncing baby Pierre or something.
“Did you SEE that gross dead rabbit? It was, like, SKINNED!” Yeah, that was me. :P
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
The sad part is, I’m a vegetarian, so while I’m all “don’t kill baby moo cows!” my car is all “Die cute fuzzy creatures, die!!”
WOOOOOOOOOO!! Just got home from rehearsal!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! 2-0, BOTH GOALS BY FOXIE MCBEARDY PANTS!
Ugh. I’m a terrible person. Skinned dead rabbit! Hardeeharhar!
Heh. Notice I’m all happy to tell and retell that story. I guess we can both be terrible people together. :P
I got a squicky feeling hearing Pierre talk about Sid laboring on the bench. Like Sid’s going to give birth to a bouncing baby Pierre or something.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Pierre hopes that baby can poop in the Cup this summer, too.
Katebits, we were thinking of you on both goals!
BOTH GOALS BY FOXIE MCBEARDY PANTS!
I was thinking that he scored those for you, Katebits!
that baby can poop in the Cup
I don’t even know what that means, but LOLLERSKATES!
And Schnookie, I’ve now decided if it’s wrong to laugh at dead skinned rabbits hit by cars, then I don’t want to be right.
Like Sid’s going to give birth to a bouncing baby Pierre or something.
Eckegh. That sounds like the plot of Aliens 4.
I’ve now decided if it’s wrong to laugh at dead skinned rabbits hit by cars, then I don’t want to be right.
WORD. :D
I’ve now decided if it’s wrong to laugh at dead skinned rabbits hit by cars, then I don’t want to be right.
The Saskatoon Airport is forwarding that to PETA in hopes of gaining an ally.
I can’t believe he was so foxy while I was at WORK! WOOOO!
Is Talbot signed long term in Pittsburgh?
Him and Alex Burrows would be a foxy, foxy French Canadian sammich. Although then Kes might get jealous.
Hey, do any of the Penguins blog? Wouldn’t it be great if one of them did and blogged all the hockey player’s taking turns with the Stanley Cup?
Eek! All of a sudden this game has gotten intense! Now it feels like a game 7! All I needed was to see the Cup getting all burnished up!
I’m so scared.
do any of the Penguins blog? Wouldn’t it be great if one of them did and blogged all the hockey player’s taking turns with the Stanley Cup?
Kind of related, but keep an eye on the Hockey Hall of Fame website during the summer. It posts updates of what the winning team does with the cup during their days with it. It’s pretty cool reading.
Awesome! Thanks Amy!
I’m so scared.
Me too!
Whoa! Did you see how much sweat poured out of Fleury’s mask? EWWWWWW! Like half a cup!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Thanks, Doc, for dropping that “Unseen Hand” in there for all the Devils fans out there! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Sweet baby jesus. This is SCARY. Go clock, GO!
OHMYGOD!
I want this for Tangers and potato face sooo bad all of a sudden .
Well and it would be really boring if the Wings won it again.
HURRY UP AND END!
I hate these refs. Seriously. Stop blowing the whistle.
Wow! They actually did it!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
I’m so glad this season is over. Finally. Over.
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Oh…that shot of the Detroit bench was a heart breaker. Hanging hockey heads. :-(
Yay, Sid! I’m so relieved for him that he won’t have to retire without a Cup!
I’m so glad this season is over. Finally. Over.
For that? WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! :D
I’m so glad this season is over. Finally. Over.
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
And I am TOTALLY psyched for Sid. I’m pretty meh about the Pens, but huzzah for Sid! :D
(I love the shots of sad teams at the bench. At least the shots of sad teams I don’t like…)
WOOOOOOOOOO!!
I’m so happy for Tangers and his magical unicorn mane.
BRING ON OCTOBER!!
Candy corn head is all sad.
Yay, Sid! I’m so relieved for him that he won’t have to retire without a Cup!
Now he won’t have to trade himself to the Wings! *looks over shoulder at Hossa* Uh, just, uh, nevermind…
Now he won’t have to trade himself to the Wings! *looks over shoulder at Hossa* Uh, just, uh, nevermind…
Everybody now: AAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Are the fans booing Bettman or booing the Pens?
Okay, we got SO MUCH SHIT for booing Giggy in 2003. I hope the Wings fans get just as much.
And it’s Mr. Katebits!
Not only does Malkin refuse to learn English, he refuses to grow a beard?
POTATO FACE!!!
WOOOOOO!!
Show Tangers sex hair again!
Alix…how much do you love Matt Cooke right now? I’m so glad his team won. I was sad when he was traded.
Are the fans booing Bettman or booing the Pens?
Government bailouts.
I can kind of empathize with losing the Cup on your own ice (1o years ago this month), but booing is a bit much.
Instead of booing, just leave the arena. Chance are it’s probably not the safest building to be in anyways.
Do the penguins have an orgy bus? If so, I predict it will be rocking tonight. With hookers!
carol, A lot! I was sad too. I know he’s kind of a dirty shit on the ice. But he’s such a classy guy off the ice <3 <3 <3
I was rooting for the Pens mostly because of Tangers. For Luc. And Cooke. And potato face.
Wait what??! Tough just getting into the playoffs?? Since when? I remember the extreme cluster fuck that was the East, but I don’t ever really remember the Penguins not getting in. The Habs, Rangers, Canes, Panthers, and Sabres were pretty much fucking it up enough that no matter what the Flyers, Caps and Penguins did, they were in it. Shut up Sidney. Shut up.
Do the penguins have an orgy bus? If so, I predict it will be rocking tonight. With hookers!
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Sid is so the Tracy Flick on the orgy bus. He’s like, “Guys, quiet down! I’m trying to finish off my glass of warm milk and get some sleep.”
I cannot even begin to say how much better a championship celebration this is than the Super Bowl. Heh.
He’s like, “Guys, quiet down! I’m trying to finish off my glass of warm milk and get some sleep.”
Heh. I kind of picture him as a hot toddy drinker.
So now that Sid has won the Cup, does that mean he has to move out of stately Chez Lemeiux?
They’re so adorable. Like little kids with the Cup <3 <3 <3
Ew. Mario. *Shudder*
If so, I predict it will be rocking tonight. With hookers!
No one’s banging Fleury for free.
So now that Sid has won the Cup, does that mean he has to move out of stately Chez Lemeiux?
Please. That buys him another few years rent-free.
Awww! Potato face is a great interview right now. Big day! Is happy!
Yeah, as far as press box front guys go, I much prefer Stevie Y to Mario. But whatcha gonna do.
OHMYGOD!!! Geno…..the adorableness…I’m dying…ldskdslkdskdfs
Please. That buys him another few years rent-free.
True. And it’s not like Mario doesn’t have the room. Mario told USA Today that his daughter is going to play hockey at Shattuck next year.
No one’s banging Fleury for free.
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
No one’s banging Fleury for free.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::;
No one’s banging Fleury for free.
LOLS!!!! I would. But it’s summer. And I’m drunk and…well you know.
Schnookie, don’t hate me, but Fleury is a great interview.
Still a crappy goalie, but entertaining in the interview.
Schnookie, don’t hate me, but Fleury is a great interview.
Oh, he’s totally hilarious, no question! He’s also CRAPPY. :P (I can’t believe he came up big tonight. I never in a million years would have predicted that.)
I have to work all day tomorrow, so I’m getting to bed. Here’s to an end of the 2008-2009 hockey season. It fucking sucked and thank hockey gods it’s over. Fuck me. I’m going to go look at pictures of Bradley Cooper until October.
G’night, mcguggs. Just think — the new year starts tomorrow! :D
I’m going to go look at pictures of Bradley Cooper until October.
Don’t forget to watch “Wet Hot American Summer”! Good night, mcguffers, and congratulations on surviving this terrible season!
Bradley Cooper was in WHAS? I might have to go watch it again. Paul Rudd and Bradley Cooper in the same movie might be too much. :D
Too bad I missed the hilarity around here, but I think my sister and nephews (from Tulsa) had fun watching the game. I startled the 6-year-old pretty badly with the first goal. Heh.
Paul Rudd and Bradley Cooper in the same movie might be too much.
I know! It’s fun and it’s hawt! Bradley Cooper plays the camp counselor who marries Michael Ian Black and helps Amy Poehler with the talent show.
If you like Bradley Cooper, you HAVE to see The Hangover. He really knows how to wear a pair of jeans.
I can’t believe the season has already been over for more than a day. Wow.
I know! I spent the entire playoffs asking for the season to end, and now that it has, I’m like, “Is it the hockey season yet?” (The grass is always greener on the other side, eh? :P)
Excellent article!
Aren’t jigsaw puzzle’s the best? : D
- John