As you already know, Gentle Reader, we don’t have Devils season tickets. And when we did not renew the season tickets we don’t have, the Devils did not offer us a gift as a reward. And that gift? A tour of the Devils’ dressing room! What fun! We took them up on that offer they didn’t make, and were very surprised by what we saw. Take a look:
This is the view of the door to the dressing room. (That’s our tour guide in the suit. He’s not with the Devils, which makes sense, considering the Devils didn’t offer us the tour.) The brocade wallpaper is so well-suited to the team, being all team-colored and everything. The yellow carpet makes less sense, but who are we to question? The Rawk is a state-of-the-art facility, and state-of-the-art includes, it would seem, miles of mustard-yellow shag carpet.
Our tour guide let us wander free through the room while he riffled through the players’ personal belongings. We were especially enamored of the team’s walk-up (over yellow shag carpeting) bathtub, and managed to catch a glimpse of Zach taking his daily rose-scented bubble bath. Note Zach’s fluffy hennaed perm shower cap!
Here’s one of the vanities in the bathroom, with all kinds of players’ personal effects. Note the team-color red towels and black tiles. No detail was overlooked when they built this dressing room. Our guide told us that the lamps were added after the fact — it was a decorative detail that Zach insisted on. They have the same kind to illuminate the 12-man hot tub at UND, apparently. (Although the UND walk-up tub is carpeted with green shag, of course.)
We have to say, we were very impressed with the Devils’ dressing room. We’d heard about how opulent it was, but seeing really is believing.
Dear lord, Zach’s taste runs toward the bordello-esque, doesn’t it?
(hi IPB! <>
Good morning, everyone! And hi, Gabby! It’s great to see you!
And yes, Zach has a shockingly bordello-centric sense of style. He just loves those sumptuous prints and luxurious materials. And red. He really loves red. (And yellow shag carpet, but that’s neither here nor there.) As evidenced by his bath-time hairdo.
I like the black tile on the vanity, but not much else about the Devils locker room. How those poor buttons manage not to go blind with the explosion of color and shag in that room is amazing to me.
I still want to know why one needs a 12 person hot tub in a locker room. Are the UNDers having pool parties before/during/after games, or are they having weekly spa nights?
I’m guessing that the recent UFA departures, the lack of signings, Travis going to arbitration and the coaching debacle (and the current lack of a coach) can all be traced to the decorating scheme. IPB, you’ve located the real reason behind everything that’s gone on.
How those poor buttons manage not to go blind with the explosion of color and shag in that room is amazing to me.
You realize you’ve just given Chico his ultimate excuse the next time Marty waves at one he should have had.
IPB, you’ve located the real reason behind everything that’s gone on.
HAHAHAHAHAHA! That’s TOTALLY it! And here Lou thought giving Zach free decorating rein was a good thing…
How those poor buttons manage not to go blind with the explosion of color and shag in that room is amazing to me.
You realize you’ve just given Chico his ultimate excuse the next time Marty waves at one he should have had.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: to both of you!
Ooh, wait — I’ve figured it out. They designed the dressing room this way to distract from Colin White’s clown tattoo. That’s the only explanation that makes sense.
Hmph. That’s not quite what I expected them to do with my donated hair, but I guess a perm shower cap for Zach Parise is a good a cause as any.
That’s not quite what I expected them to do with my donated hair, but I guess a perm shower cap for Zach Parise is a good a cause as any.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Well, Zach does have Boxworthy impersonate a cancer patient so he can get his hands on the very nicest human-hair wigs/shower caps. No one’s ever accused him of having scruples.
Well, Zach does have Boxworthy impersonate a cancer patient so he can get his hands on the very nicest human-hair wigs/shower caps. No one’s ever accused him of having scruples.
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: I’m no Colombo, but I knew there was something sketchy about that “kid”. I’ll let this one slide, but if I find out he’s misusing the Make A Wish Foundation to get backstage tickets to Hannah Montana for Zach, I’m blowing them both in.
I’m no Colombo, but I knew there was something sketchy about that “kid”.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
And as for Hannah Montana… uh… Look at that hobo!
Hobo? Where? Dammit! I never learn!
I am thoroughly enjoying the street view option on Google maps. It’s helping the apartment search. And I’ve also noticed the vast number of churches in Buffalo. *looks at Sabres and Bills* Hmmmm…
I’m no Colombo, but I knew there was something sketchy about that “kid”.
And to think you just thought he was a little short and a lot slow!
At this point I just don’t understand how anyone survived without the Google street view. I never go anywhere anymore without studying the street view first, and marvel about how I used to go blind into new places. *Shakes head in amazement*
And I’ve also noticed the vast number of churches in Buffalo. *looks at Sabres and Bills* Hmmmm…
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
And to think you just thought he was a little short and a lot slow!
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Zach and Boxworthy heard a Komisarek interview where he said he loved playing in huge hockey markets and their joint response was, “But if everyone recognizes you, how do you run scams on unsuspecting, charitable donors?”
At this point I just don’t understand how anyone survived without the Google street view.
You just had to use your imagination when prospective landlords said “Old World Charm”.
You just had to use your imagination when prospective landlords said “Old World Charm”.
HAHAHAHAHA! And, in the most recent example I can think of when I used street view, you just took your chances when you had to go into the City to get a Chinese tourism visa. You just hoped that the consulate was in a decent enough neighborhood that Pookie could safely wait outside. :P
Zach and Boxworthy heard a Komisarek interview where he said he loved playing in huge hockey markets and their joint response was, “But if everyone recognizes you, how do you run scams on unsuspecting, charitable donors?”
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: When you put it that way, it sounds like something Derek Roy would be big into as well. Although a lot less charmingly than Zach and Boxworthy. Heh.
At this point I just don’t understand how anyone survived without the Google street view.
It is a sign of how old I am that I once planned entire vacations with – gasp – guide books and maps.
It is a sign of how old I am that I once planned entire vacations with – gasp – guide books and maps.
What is this system of which you speak?
You just hoped that the consulate was in a decent enough neighborhood that Pookie could safely wait outside.
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Instead of “Look at the hobo!” it’s “Don’t make eye contact with the hobo… or the pimp.”
I always try to sell customers on Google Maps by pointing out that when you’re driving to some new place, you can zoom in on every step of the way to check out all potentially tricky highway merges and traffic patterns and stuff. And they always look at me funny. And yet, I have to listen to so many people complaining later that the directions were confusing and they got lost. I’m like, “Listen, people, if you study the map BEFORE YOU GO, you’ll be golden! If you double check the directions with the map THAT’s PROVIDED RIGHT THERE, you can’t get lost!” Sheesh! :D
So this is what I have to look forward to seeing this fall! I can’t wait!
Good morning!
I’m with you on the street view thing! It’s the coolest! My mom would be pissed to see that her house had the garbage cans out in the picture. Oh well!
Are we ready for a major announcement from the Devils at 1:30 isn’t every one so excited!?!?!?!?!?!
What is this system of which you speak?
The traveller’s equivalent of using an abacus
Anthony, allow me to RT myself here: “I feel badly about not being on board with this Jacques Lemaire thing. Maybe I’m just really sick of Lou reaching into the time machine.”
I would love to be proven wrong about this.
They designed the dressing room this way to distract from Colin White’s clown tattoo.
Otherwise, Travis will be curled up in the fetal position in his locker stall muttering “Can’t play hockey. Whitey’s tatoo will get me.”
And I’ve also noticed the vast number of churches in Buffalo. *looks at Sabres and Bills* Hmmmm…
Wait till people start giving you directions based on church locations. That’s always fun.
And you would think that with all the alleged extracurricular activities the Sabres and Bills have going on, there would be a shitload of repenting going on, but there’s few reports about seeing players at Sunday services.
I’m with Pam on this. Lou said he didn’t re-sign guys because it was time for something different (and because he expects the cap to go down but, immediately, because it hasn’t worked and he wants something different). How is Lemaire different? Because he’s bringing Tremblay with him? Maybe he’s hoping Mario will run Marty out of NJ the way he ran Roy out of Montreal? That would be ‘different’.
Otherwise, Travis will be curled up in the fetal position in his locker stall muttering “Can’t play hockey. Whitey’s tatoo will get me.”
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: That’s exactly it!
I see one positive on the Lemaire front. I CALLED IT! Schnookie can back me up on this. I CALLED IT! WOOOOOOOO!!! But… other than that? *shrugs* I honestly believe the players are so entrenched in their ways that I don’t see any coach making much of a difference. So, I’m pretty ambivalent right now. Would I rather one of those fresh-faced foxy AHL rookie coaches who gets lightning in a bottle? Absolutely. If we’re not going to get that, might as well be Jacques Fucking Lemaire. And Mario Fucking Trembley. Si-fucking-gh.
Maybe he’s hoping Mario will run Marty out of NJ the way he ran Roy out of Montreal? That would be ‘different’.
Hee! Of course, that would never happen because Marty wouldn’t have wanted to have been pulled. Tremblay will have to climb over the boards, walk down to the goal, and shout, “This is my last game in NJ!”
My mom would be pissed to see that her house had the garbage cans out in the picture.
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: I’d use it as proof that I actually remembered to take out the garbage.
Amy, I think the holy water would start boiling if Roy-z walked into a church. Especially in sparkly-assed “Jesus” shorts.
you can zoom in on every step of the way to check out all potentially tricky highway merges and traffic patterns and stuff.
My dad’s house is impossible to find, so I’d always have to put something ridiculous out front every time someone would come pick me up. Usually it was our 4 foot tall plastic Santa Claus. Google street view could have saved us some funny looks in July.
Tremblay will have to climb over the boards, walk down to the goal, and shout, “This is my last game in NJ!”
So, it won’t be ‘different’. In NJ, the coach gets fired or quits. Not the players. This time, they’d just be getting rid of the assistant.
mcguffers, it looks like the garbage men just came, and they threw the cans all over the place when they finished emptying them. I thought it was funny. Plus, my mom was also behind on raking leaves, so someone would think she didn’t maintain the yard!
is it just me or do it sound like Tremblay should be a Fraggle?
How awesome would it be if we had Head Coach Guy Smiley and Assistant Coach Fraggle?!
Of course, that would never happen because Marty wouldn’t have wanted to have been pulled. Tremblay will have to climb over the boards, walk down to the goal, and shout, “This is my last game in NJ!”
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Well, at least that’ll make for one interesting game diary this season, which is more than I was really expecting from the Lemaire Era 2.0.
It is a sign of how old I am that I once planned entire vacations with – gasp – guide books and maps.
Sue, if it helps I’ve done that and I’m not old yet. And I did it with my sister. Who is 22.
Aw, Meg, you’re just so old fashioned! :D
So I tried googling Doug Clarkson, David’s younger brother who is at the Devs prospect camp, and it came back with an error message saying that the term “Doug Clarkson” has been used by spam and spyware programs to infiltrate Google. Very very weird.
My mom would be pissed to see that her house had the garbage cans out in the picture.
I know I was!
So I tried googling Doug Clarkson, David’s younger brother who is at the Devs prospect camp, and it came back with an error message saying that the term “Doug Clarkson” has been used by spam and spyware programs to infiltrate Google. Very very weird.
So, what has David been up to?
Oh, and is that wallpaper flocked? Surely no self-respecting over-the-top red brocade wallpaper wouldn’t be flocked. I assume you felt it. :P (See what I did there?)
I assume you felt it.
That’s what she said.
And I think I saw those light fixtures on a Sandra Lee tablescape a couple of weeks ago.
Well, I’m totally not surprised but not happy. Jacques Lemaire II plus Tremblay with McLean taking over in Lowell.
Maybe Marty and Mario will actually come to blows. That would liven things up.
Would I rather one of those fresh-faced foxy AHL rookie coaches who gets lightning in a bottle? Absolutely.
Wait, you mean one of these?
http://www.nhl.com/ice/news.htm?id=425797
If we’re not going to get that, might as well be Jacques Fucking Lemaire. And Mario Fucking Trembley. Si-fucking-gh.
Ahhh, sweet irony. Enjoy Martin Skoula, by the way, ’cause you know Jacques will be bringing him to Newark by the end of the week. Which is actually going to make my usual Devil-hating attitude hard to maintain. Maybe I’ll muster up some hard-edged pity…
/gloat
I’m still surprised the Martin Skoula is still in the league. I figured his year with us would have killed his career. Apparently his career was only bruised.
Wait, you mean one of these?
*gritted teeth* Yes, one on those. Grrrrrrrr… I mean, congratulations! How wonderful for you! !#*@#(*%!
Maybe I’ll muster up some hard-edged pity…
That would be much appreciated, thank you!
Sigh. I told Schnookie this morning that I’m not really too upset about the Lemaire thing, but then I realized that’s just because I’m in total denial. I just assume every year that the season will bring the same old first round playoff loss, but I’m really forgetting exactly how boring a Lemaire team is, aren’t I? I’m in for a very rude awakening, aren’t I? Or rather, a very rude putting-to-sleep-out-of-boredom.
Oh, one thing I will say though? WOOOOOOOOOOOO to Johnny Mac being sent down to Lowell! The long national nightmare that is the Devils PP is over! WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Oh, one thing I will say though? WOOOOOOOOOOOO to Johnny Mac being sent down to Lowell! The long national nightmare that is the Devils PP is over! WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
But, now we get the Mario Trenblay coached PP. Is that better? I know it almost seems like it has to be, but are we sure?
We haven’t had a decent PP since Slava Fetisov coached it. I’d like to check with Putin and Medvedev and see if we can just borrow Slava for a bit. So, Lou fired him. We’re bringing everyone else back…
I know it almost seems like it has to be, but are we sure?
Today I don’t care. I’m just reveling in the fact that something was bad and now it’s changed. I’ll worry about whether it changed for the better or worse later! :D
So, Lou fired him. We’re bringing everyone else back…
Exactly! It’s not too much to hope! (Although I was VERY heartened to see we did NOT win the Brendan Morrison sweepstakes. So no Brat and no Butthead — it hasn’t really been THAT bad a summer, has it? :P)
So no Brat and no Butthead — it hasn’t really been THAT bad a summer, has it? :P
Thank you. Realizing that Lou could have brought back those two douchebags – but didn’t – does brighten up my day/week/summer. =)
I think the Ookies used their mad blogger media access and knew for weeks that Lemaire was coming back. Why else would they have run the Devils in the WILD series? Hmmmmmmmmm?
Why else would they have run the Devils in the WILD series?
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What can we say? Lou calls us before making every decision, that’s just how mad our blogger media access is. We might not be able to get a playoff tracker from Blersus, but we can have the inside track on all personnel moves he makes. For instance, we know he’s planning on singing a coral-colored octopus in the coming weeks. You heard it here first!
For instance, we know he’s planning on singing a coral-colored octopus in the coming weeks
Woooooooooo! I love that song! Or did you mean signing :D
So, not knowing much about Lemaire, does he play a puck-possession, uptempo system? Cause that’s what Zach likes.
http://www.insidehockey.com/columns/3888 (Thanks to Greg W. for Twittering this link).
I’m really forgetting exactly how boring a Lemaire team is, aren’t I?
Actually, I don’t agree. I seem to recall some of Lemaire’s NJ teams being awfully exciting, and Minny had a couple of absolutely blazing years under him. I think the reason Jacques is perceived as boring is because when he has a lot of talent to work with and the players are scoring and winning things, everyone just sees the talent. But then, when there’s no talent and they ought to just suck, he uses the boring system, and because of the system, they still win enough games that they never become comically inept. Which is genius, but, yeah, boring.
I think the Ookies used their mad blogger media access and knew for weeks that Lemaire was coming back.
For the record, the Minneapolis Star Tribune’s hockey beat writer predicted this the day Lemaire resigned from the Wild job, and has reiterated his conviction several times in the weeks since…
It is well known that Lemaire is at the heart of everything that ails not just hockey, but his work has hurt the economy as well. By popularizing the neutral zone trap, he has cost hundreds of players millions upon millions of dollars in contract incentives by reducing offensive point totals across the board. Department of Labor statistics show that many strippers had to find actual employment due to the players’ reduced salaries in the late ’90s.
Conspiracy theorists note that Lemaire coached the Devils to the Cup in 1995 coming out of a lockout that cost half the season and the league was desperate to keep costs down after this disaster.
While this sounds like typical conspiracy nonsense, records show that during the first half of the ’94-’95 lockout year in his headquarters outside of Sherbrooke, QC, Lemaire and Bettman held secret meetings. Lemaire cackled with glee as he plotted how to cause Messier’s goal totals to sink like lead. Commissioner Bettman was new to the NHL at this time but knew offensive totals had to come down to keep the players down and out.
“Increase the size of goalie equipment to ridiculous proportions? I think that would stop goals from going in.” Bettman asked.
“Not bad, but kind of amateurish. Plus people would notice and get rid of it quickly,” said Jacques who had a naive view of the behind the scenes machinations of the NHL.
Jacques slaved away over his chalkboard like the alchemists of old as he plotted how to stifle the game to within an inch of its life. At 3am, he spilled a bottle of champagne over the middle of his chalkboard. “Eureka!” he ejaculated as he realized the key was to clog up the middle of the ice and players have cursed his name ever since.
Offensive wizards such as Jamie Langenbrunner who would have easily scored at least 50 goals if not 75 in any other era will now never reach the Hall of Fame due to their relatively low point totals since they played during the trap era.
Department of Labor statistics show that many strippers had to find actual employment due to the players’ reduced salaries in the late ’90s.
The horror, the horror!!!
Mike, :^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: I didn’t think I’d be able to laugh about the Lemaire hiring so soon. You should be very proud of yourself. :P
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Nice, Mike!
And, yes, I did mean singing. Duh! :D (Singing, signing, tomato, tomahto, whatevs!)