So here we are again, Gentle Reader, ready for another season. We’ve been pretty willfully ignorant of the goings on in Devilsland since the hiring of Lemaire, so now Doc and Steve are assuring us that there is a youth movement afoot in Jersey. Good to hear. Meanwhile, in not-youthful news, tonight is Marty’s 1000th game. This would normally be an event for unmitigated praise, but even Chico has lingering memories of the playoffs, so he describes Marty as the uncontested greatest “regular-season” goalie ever. Burn. Our intro moves on to discuss Lemaire, and Chico says “he’s everything I remembered.” Pookie: “Every time I eat banana and coconut it’s everything I remembered too. That doesn’t make it good.”
Oh, and just so you know how much of a sacrifice we’re making for our game diary tonight, the Devils feed isn’t in HD (fuck you too, MSG), but the Flyers feed on our cable is. We’re watching the standard-def version, just to be able to comment on Doc’s and Chico’s bon mots. You better bring it, Doc and Chico. The channel we can only assume is called MSG-Poop does bring us the big opening-night roster announcement, though, giving Pookie the opportunity to say, during the middle of it, “This is the crappy part of our lineup. Basically everything between nine and 30.” We’re in mid-season form!
FIRST PERIOD
18:55 The first big scoring chance of the season comes from Rolston, and he hits the post. Actually, we thought he fired wide, but that’s because this picture is so bad it might as well be coming from Canada.
18:07 Paulie makes a leaping keep at the point, and Chico tells us something about how defensemen standing at the points is a thing we’re going to see a lot of this season. That sounds very exciting. Psst, Chico, you’re not selling us on Lemaire.
17:30 The Flyers get their first real offensive flurry of the game, and Doc jokes about calling Rob Niedermayer “Scott” for the first of what will probably be a million times this season.
15:15 Bergfors tries to outhustle an icing, wipes out, and doesn’t get the call. After watching him in a couple of preseason games, Pookie has this to say about Bergfors: “As far as I can tell, that’s his MO: skate behind the net and do something stupid that results in him lying on the ice and not getting a call.” Pause. “I’m sorry, but I don’t like Bergfors.” Before Bergfors gets all upset about this, though, he should remember that Pookie was very vocally opposed to the Iron Boar when he first came Jersey, too, and now he’s practically her Devils boyfriend. At this time next season, she’ll be ordering a Bergfors sweater.
13:00 Andrew Peters is quite possibly the worst hockey player in the entire NHL. In case you were wondering. Both teams’ fourth lines are on, and Doc informs us that “there is the potential for mayhem” out there. Instead of mayhem, Peters commits a dunderheadedly easy turnover to a Flyer in the far corner. On the continuation of offensive pressure for Philly, Oduya takes a hooking penalty.
10:10 The PK actually does a really nice job, even getting a grade-A scoring chance (the fact that Pando doesn’t bury it is beside the point), and shortly thereafter, draws a classic moron cross-checking penalty to Scott Hartnell. Because he’s jealous that we called Andrew Peters quite possibly the worst hockey player in the entire NHL. After much confusion and discussion by Doc and Chico on the TV and the Flyers and the officials on the ice, Farts is also sent to the box, for god-only-knows-what.
9:30 Zach is playing the point on this 5-on-3. That’s… kind of a scary thought. Chico informs us that “in this situation there’s not a lot of risk of being scored on,” then remembers that Beaker is a Flyer.
8:53 It looks like the Devils were not expecting to ever get two-man advantages, so they haven’t ever practiced it. Chico thinks a d-man needs to one-time a shot here. Pookie: “Has Paulie ever one-timed a shot?”
7:55 We come back from commercial to hear Chico talking up Zach’s new A, and remarks that Patty is the other alternate captain, but Paulie’s got the A in his absence. He assures us that Patty will get the A from Paulie when he comes back, but we’re not so sure about that. We hope Paulie’s clutching the letter tight, hissing, “Over my dead body.”
4:03 Farts scores a sharp-angle goal that beats Marty’s stand-up post-holding, and it’s 1-0 Flyers. Pookie: “I think we’re only going to win four division games this year.” Her prediction is two wins against the Pens (4-2 and 3-2), one against the Isles (1-0, to tie the shutout record), and one against the Rangers (7-2). How’s that for a bold prediction? You can write all that down in pen, Gentle Reader, and remember you heard it here first.
1:15 Pronger gets called for interference when he and Clarkson collide near the puck in the neutral zone. It’s enough of a questionable call that when the whistle blows, Clarkson immediately starts complaining to the officials.
0:01 Giroux gets a shorthanded breakaway right at the buzzer, and Paulie comes from out of nowhere to dreamily yoink the puck away from him. Chico tries to tell us that Giroux didn’t have time to score before the period would end, but PaulieMartinNation is going to swoon anyway.
0:00 At the end of the period, we get an interview with Travis. He mouthbreathes, “We just need to play smarter.” Our hopes aren’t too high for that.
SECOND PERIOD
19:47 The Flyers are profoundly good at taking terrible penalties, and with the Devils enjoying (or rather, “enjoying”) the carryover PP from the end of the first period, Emery handles the puck outside the trapezoid. We predict that once again, the Devils’ unmitigated craptitude on the 5-on-3 is going to bite them in the ass.
19:15 We were right.
17:59 Doc, watching the Devils carry the puck aimlessly around the Flyers’ zone: “Somebody must shoot.” Oh, Doc. You’re so silly.
17:22 Doc: “Another uneventful power play for the Devils.” Pookie, muttering: “I’m telling you, they’re going 0-for-15 tonight.”
14:17 There seems to be a burgeoning physical rivalry between Zach and Pronger, and as Zach keeps throwing shoulders into Pronger’s chest, he and the rest of the Poppers manage to put together a few good scoring chances. It’s all coming back to us now… this feeling of liking the Devils…
11:15 Travis is fired. When Zach laces a little go-ahead pass to him through the Flyers D, Travis’s immediate decision is to attempt a drop-pass back to Zach that instead finds Pronger. It’s almost as if the Devils don’t want to score tonight.
10:39 Okay, so things are picking up right where they left off in March and April. As in, Marty looks like he thinks it’s the playoffs here, as he lets an impossible-angle shot/pass from Ian Laperriere (Ian Laperriere) get past him. 2-0 Flyers, and it’s all coming back to us now… this feeling of just knowing our favorite team really sucks.
9:15 There is, shockingly, no sarcastic cheer when Marty manages to stop a terrible-angle shot from Carcillo.
7:42 Schnookie: “I’m glad we’re just cutting to the chase here this year. Why bother with October, November, December, January and February? Why not just jump straight to March?” Pookie: “That’s what we get for bringing in Jacques ‘March’ Lemaire.”
6:03 Doc tells us Peters is trying to get Laperriere to fight him. Laperriere is not as stupid as Peters.
5:23 We are now in the phase of the game where the lackluster offense of the Devils is giving way to the lackluster defense of the Devils. The youth movement is going swimmingly!
4:36 After the Devils decide to spend several eons with the puck in their own zone, Beaks finally puts everyone out of their misery by stuffing a wraparound over Marty’s shoulder. 3-0 Flyers, and Clarkson narrows his eyes at Beaker while muttering, “Who told him he was allowed to use my signature move?”
4:05 Pando has a wide-open net, but fires the puck right into a diving Emery. Chico tells us it’s one of the greatest saves we’ll ever see, but we know better. There is nothing “greatest” about this game.
0:00 The period ends with a shower of boos from the crowd. And, well, the Devils look like a team that has been surprised by the regular season starting.
THIRD PERIOD
The period starts with a slow pan down the Devils bench as Chico intones gravely that there are “a lot of wheels turning up top there” as the Devils players contemplate “scoring fast and furious.” The players the camera is lingering on are, in order, Egg Pelley, Rob Niedermayer, and David Clarkson. There do not, to the naked eye, seem to be any wheels turning on our screen.
19:21 Beaks hurtles into Marty on a scoring chance, wiping himself and Marty out, and Chico tells us this is evidence that the Flyers are not going to sit back on their three-goal lead. Pookie: “The Devils are like, ‘What?? This is a gentleman’s game! One always sits back on leads!’” Pause. “They’re going to petition the league on the grounds of ‘It’s not fair.’ They’re channeling Bruce Boudreau.”
17:09 We’re not really watching the play anymore, but Chico is providing some endlessly hilarious commentary. While we wait for a faceoff in the Devils zone, he tells us how great Emery’s been and adds, “He better watch out or he could get a following like Ron Hextall had in Philadelphia. They really love their goalies…” Long pause. “…to stop pucks and…” we suppose he means to finish something about fighting, but we’re laughing too hard at the notion of “In Philadelphia they really love their goalies” to hear what he’s concluding.
13:05 We go to a commercial, but then come right back without any ads playing, so we can watch everyone mill about during the TV timeout. Doc apologizes for the “technical glitch” and then Chico gets started again, saying that the Flyers won 2-0 last night and “are up 3-0 now,” then he adds optimistically, “ Who knows what’s going to happen yet…” Pookie: “I know what’s going to happen. The Flyers are going to win.”
12:25 Look, in the grand scheme, when his career is over someday, Marty Brodeur is going to be, for Devils fans, unassailable. But right now, in this game, and in the last game we saw him play in April, he’s terrible. An absolute no-hope shot from Powe flutters on net while Marty’s not paying attention, and it tips in off his startled glove. 4-0 Flyers. Of course, don’t get us wrong — all of the Devils are awful tonight, but we don’t want to hear any crap about Marty being any good or above it all.
11:11 The Flyers take a too-many-men penalty. We’re sure this will be the turning point. HAHAHAHAHAHA!
10:14 Just as we are discussing how the Devils look like a terribly ill-prepared team, like they haven’t done a single thing on the ice yet tonight that appeared planned, Rolston drifts down from the point, takes a nice cross-zone pass from Bergfors, and cannons a shot past Emery. 4-1 Flyers, but we stand by our statement that it looks like the Devils didn’t spend a minute of their training camp putting any kind of game plan in place.
9:38 A Papa John’s Cinnapie commercial comes on, the one where Papa John delivers pizzas and/or cinnapies to a screeching group of soccer players. Pookie pounds on the mute button just as the ear-splitting “PAPA JOHN!” shrieks start, and in the blessed silence that follows, Boomer remarks, “And then they’re all going to have to go in the woods to have diarrhea after eating that.” Pause. “Not to put too fine a point on it.”
8:45 Is 1000 games where Marty’s warranty runs out? Carle skates around Mottau and shovels an eminently stoppable shot toward the net that rolls off Marty (where he’s so passively deep in the crease that even Chico points it out) and into the goal. 5-1 Flyers.
7:55 Peters takes a double-minor for being a complete fucking waste of a roster spot.
6:20 WOOOOO. We will grudgingly admit that the teams trading two-on-ones was exciting, and then Langer picking off a Flyers cross-zone pass in the Devils zone was pretty nifty, and then him feeding a long pass to spring Zubrus at the far end of the neutral zone was snazzy, and then Zubrus finding Langer streaking up the near wing was fun, and then Langer blasting a fuck-this-shit-esque shorty through Emery was, well, pretty awesome. But we only say that grudgingly. 5-2 Flyers.
0:00 You know what this game was like? It was like when you really love a cheesy action movie and get all excited when you find out that they’re making a sequel, even though you know there’s no way that the sequel will be any good. And then when the sequel comes out, you notice that the commercials make it look really terrible, and the reviews are all really bad, but you still go to see it anyway, despite knowing better. And, no matter how prepared you are for it to be a lousy, lousy movie, you’re still surprised and disappointed by how dislikable and not remotely entertaining it ends up being. That’s what this game was like.
now 100% Shanahan-free!
That sounds like something that requires months of penicillin.
It wasn’t an easy treatment, that’s for sure. But in the end, it was all worth it. :P
I’ve missed reading game diaries.
Aw, thanks Amy! I’ve actually completely forgotten how to write game diaries! So who even knows how this will turn out! Heh.
You’ll be fine! I have faith. Besides, I’m not getting the Devils feed, so you could post that unicorns flew in and starting mating with the Prawn, and I’d have to believe you.
Wait, are you sure you’re not getting the Devils game, mcguggs, because that’s exactly what just happened!
Dammit!! I knew if I didn’t buy the Center Ice package, imaginary creatures would mate with players!!
(BTW, I’m not sure why I thought the Rangers were playing the Devils. I DO get their feed and they’re playing the Sens. I’m not smart.)
mcguffers, CI is free this week!
Well, the fact that they were mating with The Prawn in this game is what made it noteworthy. I mean, the whole flying unicorn thing is pretty ho-hum. I mean, this is Jersey.
Wooo, a game diary! I’m staying up for the first period of the habs/sabres game. Then, depending how it goes, we’ll see.
Mcguffers, how do you feel before this game? Are you in a “I’m sure one of my teams is going to win” or in a “I’m about to watch one of my team suck” mindset?
Who are the Sabres playing tonight? Anyone fun and/or easy to beat?
Nevermind! I think Grrreg just answered my question!
mcguffers, CI is free this week!
Wha?!?! I get the Leafs, the Rangers, the Islanders (?), the Sabres, and now CI for a week?? This is like putting an addict in a meth lab.
I mean, the whole flying unicorn thing is pretty ho-hum. I mean, this is Jersey.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: So The Sopranos is accurate?
Um, could someone have given the spot light guy a map to the where abouts of the players tonight?
Aww, Goose and Pommers have the A’s tonight. Is it possible to Honk and Pommerdoodle at the same time and in a dignified fashion?
Anyone fun and/or easy to beat?
I prefer NOT answering this question!
Amy, I think if you wear a top hat and monocle at the same time as honkdoodling, you should be fine!
This is like putting an addict in a meth lab.
That should be Center Ice’s motto!
I’m so glad hockey is back. I missed game diaries. :P
Thanks, KG! I’m sure hockey is glad we’re all back too!
Mcguffers, how do you feel before this game? Are you in a “I’m sure one of my teams is going to win” or in a “I’m about to watch one of my team suck” mindset?
Funny you should ask that, Grrrreg. I just got off the phone with my dad and told him that I thought the Sabres were going to suck and blow this year. I’ve decided to take the most negative possible outlook this year, so even if they’re just mediocre, they’ll rise above my expectations. And the Habs left me with some disgruntlement after the Leafs game.
But Goose is wearing an “A” and Gorges is still a Hab. Silver lining :)
Zach looks funny with an A on his chest….
And Stan Fischler for all of the home games? Are they trying to kill us?
I’m glad you like Gorges too. He’s the best!
I’ve decided to take the most negative possible outlook this year, so even if they’re just mediocre, they’ll rise above my expectations.
Woo-hoo! Come over to the Crankypants Side! It works well for us here at stately IPB Manor! I mean, if we’d actually thought the team was capable of protecting a 1 goal lead with 80 seconds left, imagine how awful last Spring would have been!
Gorges and Kostopolous were the two guys I could count on last year to play hard and not be dumb. (Sorry, Komi. That second part disqualifies you.)
Come over to the Crankypants Side!
My Crankypants are bedazzled with “Is It April Yet?”
My Crankypants are bedazzled with “Is It April Yet?”
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Mine are bedazzled with “First Round Loss Again? Fuck You Too, Assholes”. And then I also have “War and Peace” on there too just because the rest of the empty space was so big.
Mine are bedazzled with “First Round Loss Again? Fuck You Too, Assholes”. And then I also have “War and Peace” on there too just because the rest of the empty space was so big.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
My crankypants are two sizes too small because I think muffintops are hawt!
Ice Dancers are all about muffintops!
Shows off my “Connolly was here” tramp stamp.
It’s not 3AM yet, but I stayed up for that bedazzled pants discussion anyway. I told you!
Grrreg, :^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
So what about the devils game? How’s it going so far?
Booo! I don’t like when good looking hockey players score against the Devils.
It’s hard to tell how the game is going because the screen is so blurry. :D
Yeah, Pookie, I agree, I don’t like this whole no HD thing.
OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Paulie! He just broke up a shorthanded breakway like he was Vintage Scott Neidermayer! Swoon! (Stupid Devils. Making me like certain members of the team. Heh.)
The Sabres look… good? They’re working… hard? These words don’t sound correct.
Mmm. That was one foxy defensive play by Paulie. I just remembered why I watch Devils games in the first place.
How about the S***** are working h*** and looking g***?
I wish I could say it’s good to be back… but it only took two minutes before I started moaning about Lemaire’s line combinations.
Didn’t Lou say “we absolutely have to get David Clarkson more ice time” at one point this summer?
The Sabres look… good? They’re working… hard? These words don’t sound correct.
Bizarre isn’t it? They’ve still got two periods left to remember that looking good and working hard are two things the Sabres simply don’t do on the ice though.
How about the S***** are working h*** and looking g***?
They’re looking gassy, right? :P
Ohh, Paulie has a letter? When Madden left, I predicted they would probably give Shanahan his ‘A,’ but with Shanny’s rather fortuitous departure (I think he brought the team’s average age up by, like, a decade), I had hoped they’d give it to Paulie instead.
It’s not 3AM yet, but I stayed up for that bedazzled pants discussion anyway. I told you!
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::: We’re ahead of schedule
The Sabres look… good? They’re working… hard? These words don’t sound correct.
It’s all about my power of negative thinking :) Oh, and yeah Hank! Way to not get scratched!
I think Hank might have been saved by Toni’s injury but Hank and Myers look good together. Clearly we’ll have to trade Toni and keep Hank.
They’re looking gassy, right? :P
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
I think he brought the team’s average age up by, like, a decade
HAHAHAHA! We saw some graphic during one of the other games last night about the oldest teams in the league, and I was really curious whether Shanny was still skewing our curve.
Another two-man advantage for the Devils to do nothing with.
Oh the Devils are already pissing me off.
Clearly we’ll have to trade Toni and keep Hank.
Can we keep both and trade Roy? One of those two could play offense, right?
It’s good to see the Devils power-play is in mid-season form.
One of those two could play offense, right?
If you can live with an average of one goal from each per season, yes, absolutely.
Not even Roy-Z has pissed me off tonight. Yet.
Ok, they (the habs) better play better in the second period, or I’ll just go straight to my bed.
I’m going to magnetic schedule night! WOOOOOOOOO!
Ooh, I’m so jealous, Heather! I LOVE magnetic schedules!
So Gomer is getting attacked by Butler and Rivet. It’s pretty comical.
And Grrreg, O’Byrne has a lower body injury and is out for the rest of the night.
Is it me or is Zach playing a little like Shanny pooped in his skates before he left?
When a flurry of Devils offense consists of Colin White taking point shots from the blue-line at Ray Emery, I think that’s when Devils fans begin to know it’s going to be a long night. I may have to resort to watching Sidney Crosby make John Tavares look like a wannabe.
I don’t think the Habs are going to make it far this season losing one D every night. That’s not a good strategy.
Shanny probably did poop in Zach’s skates before he left. At his (Shanny’s) age, he’s probably on fiber supplements the size of horse pills.
O’Byrne has a lower body injury and is out for the rest of the night.
He was told to do exactly like Markov, but he took it a little too literally.
Funfetti.
The Devils just gave up a goal to Ian Lappierre. I give up.
I give up.
Who had “the second period of game one” in the pool?
He was told to do exactly like Markov, but he took it a little too literally.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: He’s not a thinker.
Who had “the second period of game one” in the pool?
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Funfetti indeed.
Who had “the second period of game one” in the pool?
I had first intermission, was that close enough?
I knew it was a mistake to take “Pando’s first healthy scratch”
I had first intermission, was that close enough?
:^:::::::::::::::::::::: How’s the new job, Frisby?
Bleh. This game sucks. The look on that baby’s face perfectly sums up my feelings about this game. And Chris Pronger looks like Frankenstein. Only blonder and with sharper elbows.
If I was a betting woman, I would have picked “When they hire Jacques Lemaire”.
And now Metropolit has an upper body injury. What is going on with the Habs?
And now Metropolit is out for the game. By the end of next week, the habs will play their AHL team.
All right, Myers can stay.
There’s 24 minutes to go.
I want to be sedated.
Heather, that’s an emphatic change of heart! Did he score a goal?
I want to be sedated.
Yeah, I’m wishing I didn’t stop at one glass of wine tonight.
There’s 24 minutes to go.
I want to be sedated.
24 minutes and 81 game. Wait… that doesn’t help, does it?
How’s the new job, Frisby?
What’s a word for how this game is going? The opposite of that.
Did he score a goal?
No, but he’s been very good and was sticking up for Miller and all. At least he was in the part of the game I got to see before the internet feed died.
What’s a word for how this game is going? The opposite of that.
Oooh, that’s good right? Well, for you :)
As per usual, Sabres/Habs game is a tad crazy.
Prediction: Lemaire breaks up the Poppers this season.
The Devils are doing a good job motivating me to do my homework cause I certainly don’t want to finish watching this game.
What’s a word for how this game is going? The opposite of that.
Hey, that’s great news!
Prediction: Lemaire breaks up the Poppers this season.
Considering how they’re playing tonight, I’ve got no problem with that.
What’s a word for how this game is going? The opposite of that.
Awesome! There’s a positive for this evening!
24 minutes and 81 game. Wait… that doesn’t help, does it?
Thanks. Thanks a lot!
Pookie, Myers didn’t score but he’s looked very, very good. Very calm and composed, good decision making, staying within himself. And as Meg said, the second someone came near Ryan he took them out. I still think he’s likely to wear down as the season goes on, but I’m very impressed.
Damn my internet stream is terrible. I can barely see anything. So annoying.
Damn my internet stream is terrible. I can barely see anything. So annoying.
If I knew ANYTHING about computers and streaming, I’d try to hook you up, Grrrreg, but it might be better if you don’t see this. Lapierre is being a d@#$. As usual.
I know I’d hate Lapierre if he wasn’t a hab.
The streams that were showing the Sabres feed are now showing Bruins-Canes so I can’t help either, Grrrreg. Sorry!
And Spacek just tried to kill Sekera, who’s now hurt.
Harrington just wrote “blood” as “blodd” in his game blog. I think he reads IPB!
I know I’d hate Lapierre if he wasn’t a hab.
Lapierre is my Hab version of Derek Roy.
And Spacek just tried to kill Sekera, who’s now hurt.
Didn’t they used to be a pair? I’ve blocked out last season. I thought it was 5/10, Rivet/Butts, and Spacho/Sekera.
I love the close-up of David Clarkson playing with his mouthguard. That was the most interesting thing I’ve seen a Devil do for that past forty minutes of this game.
If I knew ANYTHING about computers and streaming, I’d try to hook you up, Grrrreg, but it might be better if you don’t see this.
I can’t help either, Grrrreg. Sorry!
No that’s ok, thanks, I’m going to sleep anyway, I’ll watch the score tomorrow.
Good luck for the third period!
Flyers announcer: You can bet the Devils will come hard at the Flyers in this third period.
I will take that bet, sir.
mcguffers, they WERE a pair! I’d forgotten that. Maybe Sekera owes Spacek money.
Shut up Chico. Your endless optimism does nothing but piss me off in this situation.
You can bet the Devils will come hard at the Flyers in this third period.
I will take that bet, sir.
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Me too! I’ll bet the farm! Ahh, Flyers announcers. It’s like taking candy from a baby.
I will take that bet, sir.
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
:::::::::::::::::::::: *fires up soldering iron* ::::::::::::::::::
*fires up soldering iron*
Sounds like the Devils are going to vastly increase sales of soldering irons this season.
Maybe Sekera owes Spacek money.
Sekera’s lucky Spacek hasn’t used his Habs Mob ties then.
G’night Grrrreg! At least we lost Markov in the beginning of the season so he can return, not right before the playoffs.
What the fuck, Devils. What the fuck. I suppose I should be thankful this is in standard def.
…I’m out of funfetti. Already. I clearly need to stock up for the rest of the season.
Um, Woo.
woo.
I need to go to Costo to buy some bulk bins of funfetti.
Do they sell low-card funfetti? I’m afraid all the pure funfetti this season might give me diabetes.
Good point, EJGRgunner. Maybe we need to go back and edit that cake post to read “Rice cakes are going to make our cake look like ass, Elias.”
Is it wrong of me to want to see the Flyers score more to see if the Devils will put Danis in?
…the Philly announcers just essentially called our fans classless and stupid for booing Marty.
Huh. Whaddya know? That sequence was actually exciting!
Is it wrong of me to want to see the Flyers score more to see if the Devils will put Danis in?
Hee!
At least Langer still has some Captain FTS in him.
…the Philly announcers just essentially called our fans classless and stupid for booing Marty.
Takes one to know one, eh, Philly? :D
…the Philly announcers just essentially called our fans classless and stupid for booing Marty.
AAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That’s FANTASTIC!
Takes one to know one, eh, Philly? :D
ZING!
Thanks, Pookie, I needed a laugh.
No problem, Frisby. Sigh.
Hecht has come alive with Grier, and Connolly is one foxy bastard. Other than that, this third period sucks.
Sorry Devils fans :(
Thanks, mcguffers. We starting the season like we ended the last one. It’s like the summer never happened. ::aggrieved sigh::
Welp, that game gets a hearty “ew” from me. Just… ew.
So which bad action sequel was this most like? I’m saying Robocop 2.
So which bad action sequel was this most like? I’m saying Robocop 2.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: I was thinking more of T3. Which I didn’t see, but which our roommate did. She was, like, furious afterwards, all affronted by how crappy it was. I remember thinking, “How did you not realize how crappy it was going to be? I knew it was that crappy without seeing it.” That’s exactly how this game was. Heh.
We just turned on the Canes/Bruins game, and John Forslund was LOSING HIS MIND about a hit Wideman put on Cole. He’s frothing at the mouth about how Wideman charged the entire length of the rink with nothing but “MUST… INJURE…” on his mind, and then we see the replay and it’s… just a hit. I wish the league would spend the summer sending regional broadcasters to “Less Homerism” camps. And that means Chico too. :P
Caddyshack 2 was pretty awful! Oh, wait. I’m not helping again, am I?
If it makes you feel any better, we’re going to overtime, and the way the 3rd period looked I see a shoot out in the future! Yeah!! *throws shootout colored confetti then smacks head on desk*
*throws shootout colored confetti then smacks head on desk*
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
And really, any shitty, soul-killing sequel fits the bill tonight. Heh.
Can I have some of that funfetti? Gionta put a backboard rebound behind Crunchy in overtime.
Backboard? What am I saying. This isn’t basketball. Besides, it’s time for me to sign off. I have to get up at the asscrack of dawn tomorrow to take the ‘rents to the airport.
I have to get up at the asscrack of dawn tomorrow to take the ‘rents to the airport.
Wait, your parents are leaving town? Party at Amy’s house! :P (G’night! Have fun getting up at the asscrack of dawn! Sorry about the Sabres losing. I’m sure they’ll go 81-1, though.)
Good night, Amy! Have fun at the airport, and I’m so sorry about the way your game ended!
Backboard is probably a good way to describe it though.
G’night, Amy! At least they played like a team that could be good!
Ookies, Gio is determined to prove you guys wrong.
Ookies, Gio is determined to prove you guys wrong.
Gio’s middle name is “Wait For It”. Don’t worry. We won’t be wrong. :P
I’m sure they’ll go 81-1, though.
AAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! What the heck were you drinking tonight?? Can I have some??
She’s drinking bathtub funfettishine.
Gio’s middle name is “Wait For It”. Don’t worry. We won’t be wrong. :P
Every goal he scores from now on will be preempted with him saying “Wait for this!” in my mind.
She’s drinking bathtub funfettishine.
You guys really need to stay away from Sandra Lee’s online recipe site.
Oh. My. Gosh. Tyler Myers sounds like Butthead impersonating my 10 grade English teacher.
Every goal he scores from now on will be preempted with him saying “Wait for this!” in my mind.
You’ll only have to say that about 20 more times. :P
She’s drinking bathtub funfettishine.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::*hic*::::::::::::::::::::
OOOOhhhhh, Crunchy just called out Gomez for practicing “mixed martial arts” on Butler’s face! Take that Gomez!
Gomez is scared now!
Oh no, Schnookie. He’s scurrred.
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Either that, or stupid. Wait, when it comes to Gomez and stupid, it’s never either/or.
HA!
Why choose? :D
Speaking of choices, the only Fire Clowns getting any points tonight are my bench! That’s right! Just like Whose Line is it Anyway, the points don’t matter! Thanks effers.
The Sharks HD feed is making their game look bionic!
Just like Whose Line is it Anyway, the points don’t matter! Thanks effers.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: I spent the whole early game checking the Too Oranges and thinking, “That’s awesome that none of my bench guys scored tonight!” Then I realized they all play at 10 or 10:30. Me so smrt.
“That’s awesome that none of my bench guys scored tonight!” Then I realized they all play at 10 or 10:30. Me so smrt.
These European games are messing with my head too! The beginning of this season is horseshit.
I finally printed out my team roster so I can figure out who they are when I get to see WC games. Besides the Smiley Sedin twin, Doan, Shea Weber, Sloppy seconds, and my goalies, I’m not sure who the players on the rest of my team are.
Hey, Doan and Weber are also Andersoxers! I traded for Weber last year and he was awesome. I have high, high hopes for him this year.
I wouldn’t know most of the Too Oranges if they kicked me in the teeth.
I traded for Weber last year and he was awesome.
I re-ranked him so I could get him. I figured i should at least try to get a defensemen who would get points instead of ruin my +/-. I read somewhere that they expected Doan to do well this year if Gretzky would “play him right”. Then The Great One resigned, so that should be good, right?
I wouldn’t know most of the Too Oranges if they kicked me in the teeth.
There are some pretty kick ass names though! BJ Crombeen sounds like a children’s book character who imagines himself into a pirate world!
By the way Schnookie, the way Farter’s dog stars at my Fire Clown cracks me up every time.
BJ Crombeen sounds like a children’s book character who imagines himself into a pirate world!
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: He does! I suddenly love him so much more! He had been, until this very moment, the lousy guy I was stuck with when I had to sort through the slim pickings when Hossa was listed on the IR. But now he’s an adorable, swashbuckling children’s book hero!
Farter’s dog is staring through your Fire Clown’s soul. Assuming, that is, that your Fire Clown has a soul.
I think that demon dog might be the highlight of last season for me. Nay, I know that dog is the highlight of last season for me.
The only good thing about this game, aside from the two goals and Bergfors’ pass, was that at least Pronger didn’t bite anybody, I don’t think. For a change.
And, of course, the game diary.
But the Devils get better after they’ve been bitten by Flyers d-men. We needed Pronger to bite guys! :P
And, of course, the game diary.
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Good catch. Here’s 100 IPBucks. :P
I think that demon dog might be the highlight of last season for me. Nay, I know that dog is the highlight of last season for me.
I wish the Sabres had a demon dog. We just have Rob Ray.
Farter’s dog is staring through your Fire Clown’s soul. Assuming, that is, that your Fire Clown has a soul.
Oh, Fire Clowns have souls! We’ve sold them to the Devil! That’s why we burn!!! Fear our souls!
Dustin Penner may have a goal, but he’s kind of a dick. So on the bench you will stay, biyotch. Fire Clowns are nothing if not classy.
That’s why we burn!!! Fear our souls!
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: That’s scary, but it’s not as scary as a demon dog.
Fire Clowns are nothing if not classy.
Oh, of course. There are no non-classy teams in the SuperLeague. (I thought you were talking about Dustin Brown, and I was like, “Really? Dustin Brown is a dick? Since when? He’s always seemed like a nice enough guy…”)
So sorry, Devils fans! We lost in the shootout, but it was a pretty fun game.
Dave Tippett kicked the Kings’ asses, so that’s good, at least.
Damn, I picked James Neal on the Fainting goats, he scores two on opening night and I had benched him!
The habs are on pace for 164 points! And 123 injured players! Wooo!
I thought you were talking about Dustin Brown, and I was like, “Really? Dustin Brown is a dick? Since when? He’s always seemed like a nice enough guy…”
Dustin Penner was complaining about having to answer questions about his weight loss in every interview. He might have to write a book about it because that’s all anyone asks him. This will be right after Price writes “No, I am Not Going To Leave Like Roy Did” and Komisarek writes “I Have No Hard Feelings Against The Habs” and Crunchy and Goose co-author “Our Team Will Be Held Accountable.”
Oh, and he’s the only one on my team who scores goals yet I had him benched. Jerk.
All-teams day is no fun for fantasy hockey coaches. I felt terrible benching Hagman and he scored a goal. Fortunately, both LWs I left in scored a goal, too.
Yeah, and the day after all-teams day sucks even more!
The day after all-teams day is the stupidest day of the year! Why does the league do this? And what’s worse about all-teams day is that they don’t even do that good a job of staggering the games, so everyone’s playing at the same time. How am I supposed to have a wall of hockey if there are 15 games going on at once? (I say that fully putting forth that, thanks to the Europe games, there was a wall of hockey yesterday. Heh.)
7:55 Peters takes a double-minor for being a complete fucking waste of a roster spot.
I’m pretty sure Peters has a patent on that particular double-minor. So sorry to hear that the Devils ended up “winning” that lottery, Ookies.
Man, I had no idea that I had missed hockey this much! Of course, because of my internet connection, I only got the Cliffs Notes version of last night’s game, but it was enough to make me pommerdoodle. Hockey is back! WOOOOO!!!
Also making me pommerdoodle was the return of the game diary. Excellent as always!
I’m pretty sure Peters has a patent on that particular double-minor.
Well, I guess it’s good to know that Blobby Holik had to pay royalties on it last year. :P
And thanks for enjoying the diary, Gambler! Isn’t it FABULOUS to have hockey back? And it’s equally FABULOUS to see you again! :D
We were at the game. Left early.
Morgan and I have decided that the Devils could use some help from children’s television programming. Lou needs to run a few reels of the Wonderpets (http://www.nickjr.com/wonder-pets/) so that the team can learn….teamwork. Even better there are three main animal-characters and Morgan thinks they match up well with the zzpops line. Go ahead, set up the tivo (or find them on youtube) and let us know what you think.
Lou needs to run a few reels of the Wonderpets so that the team can learn….teamwork.
HAHAHAHAHAHA! The Devils are like, “NEVER! Teamwork is for LOSERS!” (I’ll have to check out the uncanny Wonderpets when I get home from work. I suspect they’ll probably be more worth watching than tonight’s Devils/Rangers game.)
We were at the game. Left early.
Liz, we did too. About 12 or so minutes in the 3rd, and we left. It was 4-0 at the time.
That sucked.
And Ookies, I’m sorry to say that Cameron, the t-shirt throwing lunatic/asshole has returned for a second season. Watch out for him when you go on the 17th.
The Devils are like, “NEVER! Teamwork is for LOSERS!”
:^::::::::::::::::::: The Wonder Pets are amazing! And I’m pretty sure the little ducky has more finish than Paulie.
And I’m pretty sure the little ducky has more finish than Paulie.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: What doesn’t? :P
And my deepest sympathies go out to everyone who had to endure that game Saturday in person. My deepest sympathies are also going out, ahead of time, to anyone who has to endure the game on the 17th in person. Oh rats. That would be me. :P
My deepest sympathies also to anyone going tonight. We sold our tickets on Devils Ticket Exchange. HOLLA!
It was really horrible. The good news is that we switched from seats 1 and 2 to the much more comfortable 3 and 4.
There is this new thing: a giant Devils logo hanging next to Section 233 (We’re in 232). It lights up at the beginning of the game. I imagine it lights up for goals, but we didn’t stick around long enough to see any of those! Anyway, it was literally blowing out steam and hissing for the entire game. That was delightful. And kind of scary. I thought for sure if they scored it would just burst into flames and everyone in 233 would perish.
I thought for sure if they scored it would just burst into flames and everyone in 233 would perish.
Ah, I see the Devils are returning to the tradition of mass human sacrifice to celebrate/supplicate for goals. Old School. Maybe that’s why they had to bring in Lemaire. Fewer goals means fewer casualties means fewer lawsuits.
Gambler, suddenly it’s starting to make sense!
Fewer goals means fewer casualties means fewer lawsuits.
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: That’s got to be it! Why else would Lemaire make up PP groups and put guys on the point for kicks even when the guy has never, ever played point or even practiced it, and then been pissy after the game that the PP sucked?
Ah, I see the Devils are returning to the tradition of mass human sacrifice to celebrate/supplicate for goals. Old School.
Sadly, when your team lacks talent, human sacrifice is the next best way to try to get goals. Can you really blame them? :P
Pookie, are you sure Lemaire’s definition of “suck” isn’t that they still generated too much offensive power, despite his obvious sabotage? That could be another explanation.
I am suddenly depressed to see that I somehow ended up with three Devils on my fantasy team. Seems like live drafting after spending the entire off-season wearing ear plugs and a blindfold isn’t the recipe to success that I thought it was.
Hmmm….I might have to switch sections now! I’m way too close to that steaming Devils logo. I’m aware of it’s true purpose now!
In other news, we saw our brick in Championship Plaza, which was pretty cool.
I am suddenly depressed to see that I somehow ended up with three Devils on my fantasy team.
Yeah, that’s a big problem. It’s a problem for the Devils and their real-life team. Lou showed up at the last day of training camp to look over the opening day roster and was like, “Aw crap. This is all Devils!” :P (Which guys do you have?)
Pam, that’s so awesome about your brick!
Yea, it has a big scratch on it, of course.
I like the Plaza. It’s better than what that space used to be, which was a run-down blacktop outside a dilapidated building.
No, Schnookie, I can’t blame them, but I can blame the Sabres for not thinking of that last season.Then again, they were/are probably too incompetent to even get a simple human sacrifice right.
I have Travis (couldn’t resist the Waldorf-kid solidarity), Rolston, and Paulie.
Hey, does anyone here read Cake Wrecks? The post today has a Mooterus in it!
Then again, they were/are probably too incompetent to even get a simple human sacrifice right.
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: It’s true. I mean, can you see Roy-Z being able to do that right? And honestly, Pommers couldn’t be expected to get involved in human sacrifices, could he?
I think, on the bright side for your fantasy team, that Travis, Rolston and Paulie are all at least good-looking. That’s something I hold probably a bit too dear when it comes to my fantasy team. (Which is why I’ve kept Jovo and Soupy. Wait, no — that came out all wrong! :P)
Those mooterus cakes are AWESOME! (I actually like the strawberry/shotgun case blob the best. When we were visiting Patty last year I was really impressed how many Texas-shaped foodstuffs we saw. Of course, we were at the State Fair of Texas, so maybe that was the explanation for it…)
Then again, they were/are probably too incompetent to even get a simple human sacrifice right.
They just can’t find any virgins left in Buffalo.
Timmy: “You’re weellllllcome”
Gotta be careful, if you sacrifice someone who isn’t a virgin, she becomes a man eating succubus.
They just can’t find any virgins left in Buffalo.
Timmy: “You’re weellllllcome”
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
if you sacrifice someone who isn’t a virgin, she becomes a man eating succubus.
Timmy: “You’re weellllllcome”
if you sacrifice someone who isn’t a virgin, she becomes a man eating succubus.
Timmy: “You’re weellllllcome”
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Reason #435 not to sleep with Timmy Ho. Reasons 231-257 are on my list of bacteria species to memorize for my Microbiology exam.
mcguffers, :^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
And you’re right, Schnookie, Roy-Z and Pommers would be horrible choices to put in charge of a human sacrifice. Crunchy, on the other hand, I feel might be a little too good at it.
Attractiveness apparently becomes my go-to criterion when I’m drafting live instead of auto. I may not know who all is good anymore, but I’m pretty sure who all is attractive. Which is why I also ended up choosing Goose. (And because I mistakenly thought PIMs were going to be a factor in my league. Whoops! The start of an auspicious year as GM, to be sure.)
Crunchy, on the other hand, I feel might be a little too good at it.
You know, I was thinking that, but decided not to mention it. It’s never a nice feeling to realize that your team really had no excuse not to be commiting the necessary human sacrifices. I mean, Crunchy would have excelled at it!
I may not know who all is good anymore, but I’m pretty sure who all is attractive.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Hear hear!
Reasons 231-257 are on my list of bacteria species to memorize for my Microbiology exam.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Timmy: “You’re weellllllcome”
Crunchy, on the other hand, I feel might be a little too good at it.
Maybe that’s the real reason for the Rob Ray shocked video! There was a human sacrifice being performed in the background and Rob Ray was like, “WTF?? YOU ANIMALS!!” And Crunchy was just like, “Meh. You should really cut her head off first. Amateurs.”
That Timmy, he’s just so giving!
And, you know, it’s surprising that he can manage to host all of those bacteria at once. You would think that just one of them would have given him a concussion by now. I guess he’s a lot tougher than we give him credit for.
And Crunchy was just like, “Meh. You should really cut her head off first. Amateurs.”
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
“Roy-Z, how many times do I have to tell you, you can’t perform a successful human sacrifice with a Bedazzler!”
Tonight’s game is on VS.? Sweet, now I’m not watching on TV!
You would think that just one of them would have given him a concussion by now.
The funny thing is, my prof was explaining that some chicken plants now spray baby chicks with up to 30 other bacteria, just so the other bacteria can keep Salmonella from becoming too potent. As in the chicks even if the chicks get Salmonella, it won’t be able to fight with all the other bacteria for supremecy. Now I’m thinking that this is Timmy’s plan too! With gonorrhea, syphilis, AND swine flu, there’s no way a minor broken rib will stop him now!!
That’s something I hold probably a bit too dear when it comes to my fantasy team. (Which is why I’ve kept Jovo and Soupy. Wait, no — that came out all wrong! :P)
You should change your team name to “Beer Goggles.”
I think with Soupy involved, what you really need are beard goggles. That’s the only way he ever looks remotely attractive.
beard goggles
Beard goggles? Snort!
Yay for DirecTV not showing Versus tonight so I can’t watch the game! As for Saturday’s game, my only hope that this season might be interesting ended when Marty came out for the third period. I had hoped Lemaire would have the strength to pull him but apparently not. I’m beginning to think the Devils are not going to be really good again until Marty retires. I can’t imagine a worse game 1.
And Ookies, you guys should get hazard pay for watching the game in SD when you could have watched in HD. That game looked horrible even for SD. Also I bet my Anderson for Datsyuk trade offer doesn’t look so bad now eh? Too bad I am dumb and missed a shutout this weekend.
AAHAHAHAHAHAHAA! “Beard Goggles” that’s awesome.
And Ookies, you guys should get hazard pay for watching the game in SD when you could have watched in HD. That game looked horrible even for SD.
I know! It was an UNUSUALLY bad picture, to go with it being an UNUSUALLY bad game. Hmph.
Oh, and:
You would think that just one of them would have given him a concussion by now. I guess he’s a lot tougher than we give him credit for.
“Roy-Z, how many times do I have to tell you, you can’t perform a successful human sacrifice with a Bedazzler!”
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: You guys are on fire today!
“Roy-Z, how many times do I have to tell you, you can’t perform a successful human sacrifice with a Bedazzler!”
Roy-Z: “Everything’s better with a Bedazzler! Even human sacrifice!”
I think I’ve finally figured out Lemaire’s strategy for the year. He will f*ck up what little offense we have, then complain to the media that the team isn’t scoring and he is tired of being known as the guy who coaches the trap.
Also I bet my Anderson for Datsyuk trade offer doesn’t look so bad now eh?
I know! Stupid fantasy hockey! I can only assume The Mighty Anderson will fall back to Earth. Maybe if I’d made that trade, I wouldn’t have lost 8,000 to nothing.
What cable do you guys have that let get the Philly broadcast in HD I live in Hamilton and no such feed was avaiable to me. All three possible SD feeds were total crap if crap were all blurry.
Actually I think Lemaire’s strategy is something like:
Oh, so you wanna keep me hanging well past draft day for a contract? Well two can play that game. I’ll keep you hanging for a win until trade deadline day!!! And shut your trap lest I whip out my own. Muahahahaha….
Ookies, will you be doing a game diary tonight for the benefit of us DirecTV people (and of course your regular readers)? I don’t envy you watching the game and after Saturday night’s performance, the Devils certainly don’t deserve such awesomeness but I am curious as to how it will go.
Anthony, we get our cable from Comcast. We didn’t actually switch over to see if the game was in HD, but most of the Comcast Network games are.
I’ll keep you hanging for a win until trade deadline day!!!
I’d laugh, but that’s probably what’s going to happen! (OK, I’ll laugh. :^::::::::::::::::::::)
Mike, Schnookie and I made an agreement last year that we will never, ever do a diary for a Devils-Rangers game again, so it’ll be woolgathering tonight instead! (And of course the always open game thread.)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA to both of Lemaire’s strategies! He’s a diabolical genius, that’s for sure. So good to have him on our side. Heh. (Sigh…)
Anthony, we’ve got Comcast from… who even knows where, and maybe it wasn’t in HD. We never checked. It seemed safer to assume it was in HD, and that we were suffering a terrible fate by watching the Devils feed. That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it. :P
Mike, I don’t think we’re doing a diary tonight. We’ll woolgather, though, so it won’t be nothing. It’s really hard to do Versus diaries, and more than that, we have a hard and fast rule at stately IPB Manor that life is too short to diarize Rangers games.
HA! Way for Pookie and me to wait to see if the other was going to answer everyone’s questions. Well, that’s the stereo-surround answer for y’all. :P
Hooray for wool gathering! And it’s the Canucks tonight, too. W00T!
It could just be me hanging here. And Alix. And Schnookie always seems to pity me.
Not just pity me…maybe she does, but what I meant to say was she pities the West Coast time difference.
Wow. I think I need to stop typing. Heh.
Not just pity me…maybe she does, but what I meant to say was she pities the West Coast time difference.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: I’ve got pity to spare! :P
Actually, we’ll definitely be around tonight — I’m working on the binding for a quilt, so I’m pretty eager to get it all finished up. I’ve got to stitch stitch stitch tonight! (Um, my prioritizing the quilt is, um, not the reason we’re not doing a game diary for the Devils tonight, I swear it! :P)
Woohoo! Quilting bee hockey. Hey. Whatever works, right? Right!
Stitching makes hockey so much better! Except when the hockey makes you stabby, because then you’re sitting there with sharp instruments…
Except when the hockey makes you stabby, because then you’re sitting there with sharp instruments…
Yup! Who needs a soldering iron for your eyes when you’ve got a pincushion full of pins?
Um… Maybe you guys should make a pincushion that looks like an eye, just to give your eye-stabbing impulses an outlet and save your actual peepers. And it would also be a good tool to illustrating your point should you ever need to make a promise of the “cross your heart and hope to die” variety!
A big LOL to the entire Timmy/Roy-Z/Crunchy human sacrifice talk. It’s definitely perked up my day.
And wouldn’t a pincushion full of pins be more of a pain to clean up than a soldering iron?
And wouldn’t a pincushion full of pins be more of a pain to clean up than a soldering iron?
Good point, Amy.
Gambler, I actually saw a felt eyeball pin cushion for sale about three years ago! If only I could remember where, because that would be perfect for during Devils games!
Pookie, Gambler, you mean like this?
Yes, Mags, just like that! :^:::::::::::::::::::::;