Gathering Wool While The Devils Play The Rangers

There’s nothing like getting one of the many Rangers games out of the way right off the bat! Join us as we partake of some woolgathering during the first Devils-Rangers match-up.

– We’ve been patting ourselves on the back for being smart enough to get a cable box in addition to our satellite (for a number of reasons, only two of which don’t have to do with being able to see a certain team who’s name rhymes with Blanny Blides) but now we’re kicking ourselves. If we didn’t have the stinking cable, we wouldn’t have to watch this game tonight! (Moreover, if we didn’t have cable, we could call Directv and complain about this whole Blersus sitch and wheedle into some free Center Ice; instead we have to admit we’re terrible liars and would get about thirty seconds into a complaining call before we broke down in tears asking them to charge us double for Center Ice in punishment for being dishonest.)

– SHOUT OUT! SHOUT OUT! Doc’s totally giving Schnookie’s fantasy team a shout out tonight. He is way too orange.

– At the end of the pregame stuff, Versus’s studio host sends us back to the game coverage by calling this matchup “an Atlantic Division donnybrook.” Pookie: “There better not be lots of fights. I don’t want to miss the start of the Blue Jackets game.”

– Hm. It seems as if some of the Devils do have some pride! The Poppers, Paulie, and Oduya come out with a huge amount of energy, and actually rip off a few shots. And then the third line follows their cue, with Pando being a complete wrecking ball of puck-hungry awesomeness on the forecheck to feed Rob Niedermayer (Pookie: “My new favorite Devil!”) to beat the Prawn over his shoulder from the slot. 1-0 Devils, and WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

– Our joy is relatively short-lived, as the Devils can’t maintain their focus, start getting lazy about not taking shots when they have chances, then eventually put the fourth line on the ice. A penalty ensues, and the Rangers score with ease on the PP. 1-1 game.

– DirecTV subscribers who are missing this game should take a moment to be happy they don’t have Versus. Mere moments after the Rangers tie the game, the Devils get called for another defensive-zone penalty, but instead of showing the infraction, Versus opts to give us some highlights of Gilroy’s college days. Now, we realize Gilroy joined the Rangers after descending from heaven down a golden staircase in an ivory litter held aloft by the angels of deceased hockey greats, but still. We’d like to know how much we should be hating Brian Rolston right now for taking that penalty. Oh, who are we kidding? There’s no way it wasn’t idiotic.

– The Rangers can give as good as they get, it would seem, so they follow the Devils’ stupid penalty with one of their own. And on the ensuing PP, the Zach remembers that thing he used to do, that thing that made him such a great hockey player, that thing called “hustle”. We all know that good things happen when Zach’s got his little motor going, and after he frees up a puck at the far boards, just a couple of passes later Travis is tapping the puck past the Prawn. 2-1 Devils, and once again, WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

– We come back from a commercial shortly after the goal, and Versus gives us a split screen of the New Jersey goal scorers. It’s like a comparison study of ugly vs. handsome.

– Doc just loves it when teams have their goons skating, so he always mentions during his play-by-play that the fourth lines are out. Schnookie remarks, “I’m glad that Doc tells us when the fourth line is out so I don’t have to pay attention to know when the Devils are about to be pinned in their own zone.” As soon as she says it, Egg Pelley takes a tripping penalty about a mile behind the play. Andrew Peters looks at us smugly and says, “Who’s the only fourth-liner who hasn’t taken a penalty tonight?” To which we say, “Yet.”

– PaulieMartinNation adds another name to The List as Drury comes out of nowhere to clip Martin knee-on-knee. It was such a grievous transgression that Blersus replayed it immediately. Yes, you heard us. Blersus showed us the replay immediately. Paulie appeared to be up and drifting around aimlessly, while Oduya pounded on the back of Drury’s turtled head, so there’s hope that the Devils season didn’t just go even further down the tubes.

– For FUCK’S sake. Drury takes a run at Paulie, Oduya pounds on Drury, the Rangers get a power play out of everything, and they score off the faceoff. 2-2 game, and Blersus is so outraged by the grave injustice of it all that they actually go back and show a missed too-many-men situation on the Rangers’ previous PP that didn’t get called. Yeah, it’s just that bad. Of course, so are the Devils.

– We are still quivering with outrage when the Devils settle into some ineffective cycling in the Rangers zone, and then a sudden, random whistle stops play with the Rangers touching the puck. Eddie tells us the center-ice official is calling a penalty, and Schnookie erupts, “It better be bullshit. I don’t want to see the Rangers get called for something legit. I want them called for complete, utter bullshit.” Blersus actually gives us a replay (they’re still outraged too!), and sure enough, it is complete, utter bullshit. It’s a roughing call to Prospal for standing near Paulie. Fantastic!

– The second period starts, and we have graduated from the “watching the game while eating dinner” portion of our evening to the “watching the game while working on our stitching”. And so we’re not paying hugely close attention when Eddie starts talking about Del Zotto. Without looking up from the seam allowances she’s marking, Pookie mutters, “Del Zotto is the poor man’s Gilroy. In that it’s easier for Del Zotto to fit through the eye of a needle than it is for Gilroy to be bad at hockey.”

– Eddie states the obvious when he says that the Rangers’ fourth line is getting the better of the Devils’. We think that might be a theme for every team that plays against the Devils this year.

– A Devil attempts a long dump-in to the Rangers zone about midway through the period, but the puck hits off Del Zotto’s skate and ricochets onto the Devils bench, where it smacks Langer in the face. Pookie: “It’s like Del Zotto’s foot just challenged Langer to a duel.”

– Blersus goes off on a history-of-the-Devils video tangent, and we come back to find the Rangers starting a power play. Doc and Eddie are totally flummoxed by this. Blersus is really, really good at televising hockey. (The power play is quickly negated by a tripping call on a Ranger.)

– Well, of course Gilroy gets his first NHL goal tonight, because there’s nothing Marty does better than give up guys’ first career goals. It’s 3-2 Rangers.

– Callahan seems not to have noticed that Marty is plenty crappy without any help, and he takes a goaltender interference penalty. It won’t matter in the long run, though.

– Blersus had an exciting week last week what with its record ratings and all. We’re having our own Blersus-related party here as, finally, after however many years, we no longer have to consciously mute the intermission show. It’s just second nature to enjoy fifteen minutes of blissful silence at the end of each period.

– You know how there are certain things in sports that you never miss the opportunity to see happening in real time? Like, no matter how badly you have to answer that surprise doorbell, or replenish your snacks, or go to the bathroom, you won’t walk away from the TV until after whatever that special sportsy thing is has happened? The Devils’ 5-on-3 is the opposite of that.

– We have come to a shocking realization: it’s much more pleasant listening to a game the Devils are losing without Chico. It’s so refreshing not having to hear anyone making excuses for them. (To be fair, they’re playing significantly better tonight than they did against the Flyers, but still, there’s nary an excuse in sight. We love it.)

– Welp, on paper it’s the same result as the last game, but we don’t feel nearly as sick, so it must not have been quite as bad. Or maybe that’s just the effect of HD. Or maybe it’s the novelty of the Devils pulling Marty for the extra attacker with almost an entire minute left in the game, and the other team not scoring into the empty net. That never happened with Sutter.