Please join us tonight as we enjoy an open thread and some woolgathering for the much-anticipated debut of IronBoarsylvania.
– Before this game starts, we have to ask — what is it with the Sabres always being the team the Devils play right after they lose a crucial player to an injury? Last year the Sabres were our first post-Marty opponent, and the Devils gave up 20 shots in the first period. We can only assume the Devils are giving up 40 shots in the first now that they’re reeling from losing Paulie. Because Paulie is twice as important to them as Marty, right? Right?
– The potential for Johnny Oduya to take over as the temporary emperor-god in place of Paulie suffers a serious blow when he stands around watching while some stupid Sabre scores a stupid goal to make it 1-0 Sabres. Sure, other Devils might also have been at fault, but we both had crappy days at work and are drinking wine with dinner. We’re blaming that on Oduya and moving on.
– Schnookie is extremely cranky tonight, and has also guzzled the aforementioned wine. In response to watching Boogerfors and Clarkson wheel around the Sabres zone with no purpose shortly after the early goal, she snaps, “Gah! I hate the Devils! Let’s watch the Blue Jackets instead. At least they’re in HD.”
– This game just keeps getting stupider. We have no idea how it happened, but suddenly it’s 2-0 Sabres. We were busy showing Boomer how to download a Battery Bar for her laptop, and missed the goal. From what we could glean from the surprisingly unillustrative replays, it was stupid. How long before Paulie comes back?
– Okay, so after the game got pretty far out of reach there in the first period (honestly, do the Devils look like they can overcome a two-goal deficit tonight?), we spent until intermission focusing our attentions on ordering an extremely exciting Devils-related holiday present for Boomer. Don’t tell her, though — it’s a surprise! Anyway, when we look up, Patty Elias is on our TV screen. Pookie squeals happily, “Patty! He is alive!”
– How far has Andy Greene come since losing Sutter as his coach? So far that when he scores on the PP to make the game 2-1 Sabres, Doc calls him Parise in his play-by-play. Then, when he realizes it wasn’t Parise, announces with complete disbelief that it was Greener of all people. Greene! Scoring on the power play! Who ever would have thunk it (other than us way back when Rafalski signed with the Wings, and we were all, “Pfft. Andy Greene is the younger, cheaper, BETTER Rafalski!”)?
– Late in the second period, Langer leads the Devils on a possible shorthanded odd-man chance, on which he is being defended by a guy with no stick. And when he goes to dish his telegraphed pass, he very carefully makes sure that it’s placed so that the defender can easily block it with his feet. Pookie wonders aloud, “Has Langer made a single good play yet this season?”
– Tonight’s “Chico Eats!” features Chico trying to defraud a local coffee establishment by using his comp tickets to get their Devils fan discount. Chico is such a rapscallion!
– SHOUT OUT! SHOUT OUT! Chico leads us in after a commercial in the third period with a little featurette about Crunchy’s mask. (Like we’ve never seen that before, just by the way. Find some new material, MSG+ 2.) And first he walks us through the “exploded Buffalo” on the front, then, when he gets to the back, he says, “‘Miller Time’. It’s a play on words.” (Okay, it probably doesn’t count as shout out when we’ve just been making fun of Crunchy all this time. Maybe it’s just hilarious that Crunchy is still, four years later, claiming that “Miller Time” is a “play on words”.) For the record, after the mask feature, Chico finds himself completely stymied trying to describe the hat Crunchy was wearing while showing off his mask. It wasn’t a fedora, but apparently had a “beak”. Chico, you can just leave it at “Crunchy was wearing a toolish/dumb hat”. We know what you mean.
– Also dumb? This game. Midway through the third, it’s 3-1 Sabres.
– When Goose tries to take Zach’s face off with his stick, Pookie realizes something we all should have known ages ago: Paul Gaustad can’t handle the Devils who are prettier than he is. That’s why he’s targeted Paulie and Zach. (That’s her theory and she’s sticking to it.)
– How many too many men penalties can one team take before someone on the coaching staff gets fired? (Pookie, ever single-minded, says when the Devils get called on the too many men during their power play, “When Lemaire was complaining about the too many men calls last time, I thought he was singling out Paulie for not paying attention. So at least this time I’m like, ‘It’s not Paulie’s fault!’”)
– The Devils take another penalty mere moments after killing the too many men one, and we finally decide life is too short to be watching bad hockey in standard def. We move on to find a different game in HD, ostensibly just during the commercial break. Not to watch for good, mind you. Just a nibble.
– We come back after the “commercial break”. It’s now 4-1 Sabres. Pookie, who mans the zapper at stately IPB Manor, says, “Whoops. Sorry we missed the goal. I’m going to assume it was Oduya’s fault.”
– Welp, that game was poopy. Thank heavens we’ve got Yodels and ANTM to fall back on.
Cause we need a handicap.
I better see Chuck the Duck tonight!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! This game is stupid.
If there’s no Chuck the Duck, it’ll be DOUBLY stupid.
Poop. That sucked. And let me tell you, Paulie wouldn’t have let that in!
The Sabres like to wait until the big guns go down and then swoop in. That plan has really worked in the last two years. Oh, wait. What’s the opposite of working?
For Chuck’s sake! This game blows! Big, washed-up goalies have big, washed-up five holes*.
*Kidding! Kidding! I kid because I know Marty’s the best goalie of all time.
I’d blame the Devils forwards and defense for letting Kennedy walk out from behind the net pretty much unmolested.
Okay, Devils? I’m drunk and in a really bad mood. Give up another goal in this period and I am turning on the Coyotes/Blue Jackets game. I’m not joking.
Thank god I impulse-bought a box of yodels at the grocery store today. That’s the only thing that can keep me sane. The promise of yodels.
Zach, how many times do we have to tell you? DON’T PASS TO LANGENBRUNNER.
Zach: At least once more.
What’s a yodel?
You guys, my new house has no interet service. I hate Verizon. Without this iPhone I’d have killed myself by now.
Zach: At least once more.
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Poor Zach. He doesn’t understand why it is that Travis keeps getting to move to other lines, but he keeps being saddled with Langer.
What’s a yodel?
It’s like a ring ding but oblong.
Without this iPhone I’d have killed myself by now.
Thank goodness for iPhones! I’m so sorry your internet isn’t set up yet! That BLOWS!
It’s like a ring ding but oblong.
Hee hee! That’s a good way to put it. It’s a ring ding in jelly-roll form. It’s like a Tastykake but good.
You guys, my new house has no interet service. I hate Verizon. Without this iPhone I’d have killed myself by now.
I just read your post about that before the game started! I don’t know how you haven’t stormed your local Verizon office with torches and a pitchfork yet. I’m SO sorry!
And like Meg said, a Yodel is like an oblong Ring Ding. It’s like a mini chocolate jellyroll.
Oh, I think we call those Ding Dongs in Minnesota. Scrumpsh
So a Yodel is like a Little Debbie Swiss Cake Roll?
So a Yodel is like a Little Debbie Swiss Cake Roll?
That’s exactly it. Actually, I had Swiss Cake Rolls and Yodels to choose between and went with the Yodels. Katebits, I think that we also have Ding Dongs, but my grocery store doesn’t carry that brand.
I’m completely confused now about what a Yodel is.
Yes. Or a HoHo.
Mmmmmmm…. Ho-hos.
By the way, have you guys looked at WordPresses new mobile versions of our blogs? Pretty slick.
I did see the new mobile WordPress! I thought it made us all look very professional. As if we had put IPB together that way. Heh.
I’m completely confused now about what a Yodel is.
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::: I’m glad I’m not the only one. With every description, my look got more confused. My grandmother would buy us Little Debbie snacks for our lunches, but my brother would always eat them all, so I still don’t really know what a ho-ho is.
Awww, I kind of like Patty Elias’s accent and the fact that he’s so passionate about Unicef.
Patty Elias’s accent is soooo adorable. But right now, I’m just glad he’s not actually disappeared. I was starting to worry. :D
Ohhhhhhhhh, Katebits, the Verizon thing hurts. I only put up with them for 3 months and then switched to Time Warner. It was a nightmare. I only hope you have much better luck then me.
Also, very excited to hear about the Sabres being up 2-0! For some reason they just aren’t showing hockey down here in San Antonio. I really don’t understand why….
No hockey in San Antonio?! That’s like when we were in New Orleans for opening weekend two years and wondering why the games from Europe weren’t on the tv or covered in the the papers. :D
I think Elias is MEGA foxy. I’m always surprised by how hot I find him. The Hep talk is a slight turn off though. :P
For some reason, I always forget Elias is European. I think I get him and Gionta confused in my head.
Yeah! Goose’s save the world commercials are back!!! *notices all the lights are on in apartment* Not a moment too soon Goose…
The Hep talk is a slight turn off though. :P
Heh. It’s supposedly a food-borne hep, though, right? :P
(And yeah, he always surprises me how foxy he is. I mean, he’s goofy, wackadoo Patty! He’s a mystery wrapped in an enigma draped in adorkableness and cloaked in club sauce.)
The Hep talk is a slight turn off though. :P
Just because he enjoys eating poop-marinated oysters from the Moscow Airport, doesn’t mean he’s not choice material!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Just because he enjoys eating poop-marinated oysters from the Moscow Airport
Why would one ever think airport oysters are a good idea?
We’ve long wondered that, Amy. Particularly having been to the Moscow Airport.
Great. Now Goose is gonna go self flagellate.
Just because he enjoys eating poop-marinated oysters from the Moscow Airport, doesn’t mean he’s not choice material!
Actually, I think that’s one of the boxes to check on Match.com. Smoker? Kids? Love Outdoors? Love poop-marinated oysters from the Moscow Airport?
I suspect we might have made that part about the Moscow airport up. Also, maybe the part about the oysters. Being marinated in foeces. But still! Patty seems like the guy who WOULD stop at Crazy Igor’s Foecal Oyster Shack at the airport instead of getting an Aunt Annie’s pretzel like a normal person, doesn’t he?
Smoker? Kids? Love Outdoors? Love poop-marinated oysters from the Moscow Airport?
It worked for Patty! He got a foxy Czech model wife out of his insatiable hunger for poop-marinated Sheremetyevo oysters! The Eliases should be featured on commercials for whichever online dating service it was that was forward-thinking enough to include that on the questionnaire. :P
Actually, I think that’s one of the boxes to check on Match.com.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: If there’s another Patrik Elias out there, I’m going to find him and get him to marry me!
Patty seems like the guy who WOULD stop at Crazy Igor’s Foecal Oyster Shack at the airport instead of getting an Aunt Annie’s pretzel like a normal person, doesn’t he?
Maybe Aunt Annie’s ran out of nacho cheese. You can’t have a pretzel without the nacho cheese.
Nor can you have foecal oysters without the nacho cheese. Patty has a real taste for the finer things in life.
Did Patty put ground up fecal oysters with nacho cheese in the Sabres water during the intermission? Cause that last shift looked like they were suffering from intestinal leakage.
Cause that last shift looked like they were suffering from intestinal leakage.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Maybe the teams just swapped sweaters?
Oysters and nacho cheese (from a jar) sounds like something Sandra Lee would serve.
Maybe the teams just swapped sweaters?
I tried to convince myself of the that, but then the guy wearing Pommer’s jersey broke his stick. That has to be him. No one else plays with hockey sticks made from vanilla wafer cookies.
Oysters and nacho cheese (from a jar) sounds like something Sandra Lee would serve.
HAHAHAHA! It sounds like something she’d serve in a cocktail. Just mix one jar of oysters and nacho cheese with one bottle of vanilla vodka, and presto! Delicious!
That has to be him. No one else plays with hockey sticks made from vanilla wafer cookies.
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Okay, I promise I won’t pick on Derek Roy for that stupid commercial anymore (tonight) but I think the kiddies would benefit more if Cellino and Barnes donated every time he dives or whines. Not scores. C & B are gonna give the kids a $20 and need change back.
C & B are gonna give the kids a $20 and need change back.
The worst thing that ever happened to those kids was C&B teaming up with Roy-Z. Those poor kids can join a support group with all the diabetes-riddled disadvantaged children in Philly who’ve been getting cases of Tastykakes from the Flyers all these years.
And by using foecal oysters from the Moscow Airport, she saved five percent over using fresh oysters. That’s a savings of seventeen cents per serving!
And all the while giggling about how oysters are an aphrodisiac.
And all the while giggling about how oysters are an aphrodisiac.
::shudder::
And can the Devils just play the rest of their season on the road? Or get Paulie back? Or both?
*Adds Pominville to the list of Those Who Will Never Be Forgiven* Little goon. Hmph.
I was wondering who Goose was going to target with Paulie out of the line-up!
Chico, you can just leave it at “Crunchy was wearing a toolish/dumb hat”. We know what you mean.
I’m surprised Chico didn’t mention Crunchy’s boob hoodie!
Those poor kids can join a support group with all the diabetes-riddled disadvantaged children in Philly who’ve been getting cases of Tastykakes from the Flyers all these years.
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
*Adds Pominville to the list of Those Who Will Never Be Forgiven*
Pommers: “Puppies, kittens, rainbows, fluff, Fuck Brodeur, peanut butter, sand castles…”
“Crunchy was wearing a toolish/dumb hat”.
I missed that part. We had RJ and Harry ad libbing about the mask and the tribute to Crunchy’s cousin.
Zach trying to make himself bleed after that high stick was just painful to watch.
*Adds Pominville to the list of Those Who Will Never Be Forgiven* Little goon. Hmph.
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: He IS a little goon!
I’m surprised Chico didn’t mention Crunchy’s boob hoodie!
His eyes didn’t even get down that far. They got stuck on the hat beak.
Pommers: “Puppies, kittens, rainbows, fluff, Fuck Brodeur, peanut butter, sand castles…”
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Pommers: “Puppies, kittens, rainbows, fluff, Fuck Brodeur, peanut butter, sand castles…”
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Zach trying to make himself bleed after that high stick was just painful to watch.
Wasn’t it? It would have been funnier in HD.
He IS a little goon!
He’s the Fluffy Goon.
Paul Gaustad can’t handle the Devils who are prettier than he is. That’s why he’s targeted Paulie and Zach.
That’s why he never runs Brodeur. :P
Zach trying to make himself bleed after that high stick was just painful to watch.
You know he was sitting there biting his tongue and the inside of his cheeks looking for something.
They got stuck on the hat beak.
“Hat beak” makes me think that Crunchy’s just walking around with a bird on his head.
You know those hats that are like whole fox- or bearskins that have the head still attached? That you wear the animal head on your head and then the rest of the pelt hangs down the back? Crunchy was wearing that kind of deal, only made out of an ostrich.
That’s why he never runs Brodeur.
Well, we thought maybe Goose was targeting the Devils who are better than he is, but then his lack of Brodeur-running kind of eliminated that possibility. :P
Crunchy was wearing that kind of deal, only made out of an ostrich.
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: He’s afraid the long, slender neck makes him look fat, though.
Hey guys! I like how you spell fecal – foecal – in my head I hear it, fee-yoke-al.
Good news! The had to bring up a little boy goalie from the Manitoba Moose. His name is Cory Schneider and he looks about 14 years old. So cute. Luongo’s got a “hairline fracture” of the rib.
Doods on the Canucks need to stop hurting themselves.
I like how you spell fecal – foecal – in my head I hear it, fee-yoke-al.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: We actually pronounce it, when we say it out loud (which is often, needless to say), “foe-EE-cal”. The spelling cracks me up, and it’s something we came across while researching Hep after Patty got it. Pookie found some power point-esque presentation online that aimed at, like, kids. Well, British kids, it would seem, because it was spelled “foecal” in that. And it’s still not not funny. :P
That’s a bummer about Luongo. How long do they think he’ll be out? Our teams’ star players need to take calcium supplements or something!
That’s a bummer about Luongo. How long do they think he’ll be out?
Wanna go ahead and blame Goose for that too? :P
Wanna go ahead and blame Goose for that too?
Goose is like, “Is Roberto Luongo a New Jersey Devil who is handsomer than I am? No. No he is not. Therefore, it’s not my fault.” :P
It just occurred to me that the cute little 14 year old goalie probably makes 10 times my salary. BOOO!
“No clear timeline for Luongo”. He said he got it while playing against the Leafs. Stinking Leafs. It’s all their fault!
Pookie, who mans the zapper at stately IPB Manor, says, “Whoops. Sorry we missed the goal. I’m going to assume it was Oduya’s fault.”
You missed the Fluffy Goon’s goal??
It just occurred to me that the cute little 14 year old goalie probably makes 10 times my salary. BOOO!
Yeah, it’s best not to ever think too hard about that. Heh.
You missed the Fluffy Goon’s goal??
I’m afraid so. We’re not terribly broken up about it, though. I feel like my life might be complete even without having seen it. I’m sure it was plenty goonish, though. I mean, when ISN’T Pommers a goon? :P
You missed the Fluffy Goon’s goal??
Yes. Oops! Heh heh heh.
I bet Pommers punched Marty in the head after scoring, right? Don’t tell me, I know it happened, and will continue to believe it.
Elsewhere, in HDland, lots of these other games look way more interesting and less soul-killing than the Devils were tonight. The moral of the story is that standard def is NEVER a good thing. :P
I bet Pommers punched Marty in the head after scoring, right? Don’t tell me, I know it happened, and will continue to believe it.
Don’t bother trying to tell us otherwise, because we DID flip channels in time to catch the aftermath of the Fluffy Goon punching Marty. Totally.
I bet Pommers punched Marty in the head after scoring, right?
First he broke his fourth cookie wafer stick over Marty’s head, then punched him, then yelled “How d’ya like me now, bitch?” then peed on the goal.
First he broke his fourth cookie wafer stick over Marty’s head, then punched him, then yelled “How d’ya like me now, bitch?” then peed on the goal.
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Yeah, we saw that part. :D
They’re constantly telling him to chill out with the goal celebrations, but he thinks fist pumps are tacky.
but he thinks fist pumps are tacky.
Exactly. When his teammates go to fist bump with him, he’s like, “How gauche,” and then proceeds with taking a dump on the other team’s bench.
And then mimes that the poop is on fire.
Too soon?
And then mimes that the poop is on fire.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Surely that would be excessive showboating, even for the Fluffy Goon.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
I can’t believe you guys have turned the squishiest, cutest, little Sabre into a villian
I can’t believe you guys have turned the squishiest, cutest, little Sabre into a villian
It was all his doing! We only work with what we’re given! :P
It was all his doing! We only work with what we’re given! :P
Well maybe if Marty wasn’t such a Tubby McTubberson, Pommers would have been able to avoid him!
Marty: “Touche.”
So good morning, everyone! How are we all doing? Sabres fans hungover from a nice win? Devils fans still sore from all those soldering irons?
*blech*
Well put, Ken. Very well put. The Devils were lucky I was so distracted last night during the game, otherwise they would have been the target of a very strongly-worded blog post.
I go and spend a little quality time with the fax machine and return to find that Myers is staying with Buffalo and that Sean Avery called Bruce Boudreau fatter than Ken Hitchcock. I’m finding the latter hilarious for some reason.
Boudreau was probably thrilled to be insulted by Avery, just so he’d have something to let the media quote him on. :P
Fire and Ice says Marty is not playing tonight, about time! For some reason hearing that and watching the game last night reminds me of a fascinating game I saw a couple of days ago between the Red Wings and Canucks. Canucks scored 2 early softies on Osgood and the Red Wings gave him the hook only 5 or 6 minutes in (which I thought was well done on their part). The Wings’ backup comes in, does a competent job and Detroit comes back to win 5-4.
The point of my enchanting anecdote is I realized this is the type of game that the Devils could never win since Marty runs the team and I have noticed that when he starts out bad, the game is over because he doesn’t get better. I’m not saying that the Devils would have won if Marty had been pulled after the second goal last night since they were all around bad but at least it might have shaken the team up or something and I have seen many games in the last few years where a couple of bad early goals leads to 6-2 losses or something like that.
I have seen many games in the last few years where a couple of bad early goals leads to 6-2 losses or something like that.
Yeah, that’s the ugly flip side of having a goalie like Marty (well, that and the early-round playoff losses). He’s obviously completely awesome most of the time, but when he’s not helping a lackluster team win (to put it politely), no one’s going to pull him to at least try to jump-start the skaters.
You know he was sitting there biting his tongue and the inside of his cheeks looking for something.
Sorry I’m late to this. I had to go to the ofice yesterday (I usually get to work from home) and didn’t return until 10pm, ate dinner and then sort of collapsed.
Not sure how many of you remember, but in one of the playoff grudge-matches against the Leafs in 2000 or 2001, they complained to the Toronto press that the A-Line was biting the insides of their mouths to draw penalties against the Leafs (I guess with and w/out the high-stick, they were just going to go up to the refs, show blood and point to a Leaf and say, “It was him”.)
Are we the only ones that have to choose between Jack Edwards on HD or SD with Doc and Chico-? We chose SD.
Hey guys! Just saying hello from Rainy Seattle. I love the US – you guys are so generous – always throwing in extras and freebies. It’s awesome.
Not so awesome? Canucks losing 7-2 tonight. Yeesh. Also the Beards of Bees are 13/14. Heads will roll!!!
Ooooh, that’s right — you’re Stateside this weekend, Carol! I thought the country felt a little different… :D I hope you guys have a fantastic time!!
(I’d say I’m sorry for the Canucks, but the fact is, I like the Ducks. They needed that win desperately! Thanks for being there for Getzi when he needed it most, Canucks. That means a lot to me. :P)
Oh, and good morning, everyone! Are we all ready for a wall-to-wall day of hockey? WOOOOOOOOOOO!