Also, we just finished watching the Devils/Kings game tonight. And because we always do our best writing when we’re drunk, let’s put pen to paper to assess the aftermath of this latest colossal suck-fest from our beloved team.
First of all, the entire team, from those weird little rookies all the way up to Lou, is fired. We’re not even sure we’re going to let them pack up their belongings. We might just have security show them out. We hate them all. And we’re drunk.
Second, have we vomited profusely yet? Yes? Well, we’re going to again. This game sucked. As did the game before it, and the game before it, and the game before it, and on and on and on. It’s almost as if the Devils like making us sick. Which, well, we guess good for them, because they’re accomplishing it regularly.
Third, even though it’s still January, thanks to the Olympic break we’re actually at the point in the schedule where the team has its annual swoon, so we shouldn’t be surprised that they’re sucking so bad. So it has always been, and so it shall always be.
BUT! Have you felt, Gentle Reader, the same way we have this month, that the days seem a lot longer than they did at this time last year? That the sunlight has been a lot brighter? This has been the March-iest January we can ever remember. There was no way the sun was still up as late at this time last year as it has been this year. It’s still light out after work! And during the day, the sunshine seems so warm and cheerful! Schnookie’s boss is traveling around the world this week, and remarked that he expected it to be Spring when he got back, based on how the weather’s looked this month, so we know we’re not alone in feeling this way. So maybe — just maybe — the Devils are similarly afflicted. Because this doesn’t look like the regularly-scheduled beginning of the annual swoon. No, the Devils are, right now, playing March hockey. No, let’s be more accurate — they’re playing April hockey. They’re playing like they, too, think it’s spring. (And maybe that they think they’re in a best-of-seven series against the Rangers.) They’re doing that top-notch “rip out your still-beating heart and drop it in your lap so you get to watch yourself bleed out” brand of hockey that we know and love so well from the last few playoff years. But maybe — just maybe — this is a good thing.
How could “rip out your still-beating heart and drop it in your lap so you get to watch yourself bleed out” hockey be a good thing? Well, because, despite all outward appearances, it’s still January. Or, if you’re reading this tomorrow, just barely February. What if the Devils are going to play out their crappy playoff hockey this month, then find themselves playing October hockey after the Olympic break, and then be in full November/December powerhouse mode again for the postseason? Maybe this is all worth it?
Nah, probably not. But we never claimed to be sober.