As you might know, Gentle Reader, we are cranky about a lot of things. Also, we watch a lot of Comcast broadcasts of a certain team that plays in a city that rhymes with “Bliladelphia”. And the announcers on those broadcasts tend to get inordinately excited when the Bliladelphia head coach (aside: we’re also cranky about how awful his hair is. Bleter Blaviolette, just buzz it, okay? You look like a fool) takes a timeout at any point in the game that isn’t the final 90 seconds. The Bliladelphia team just gave up four quick goals? Timeout, and he’s a genius for it! The Bliladelphia skaters are exhausted and just iced the puck? Timeout, and no one has ever thought to strategically deploy his timeout like this! The Bliladelphia bench just randomly called a timeout by accident? Jack Adams time!
With our crankiness about the way TV guys get all worked up about timeouts piqued, we started to notice it on other broadcasts too. Play-by-play and color guys can’t seem to deal with timeouts at all. They’re either overly rhapsodic about totally expected situational timeouts, or their unduly flummoxed. Why can’t they be more like us and not care about whether a team uses their timeout or not? Why is everyone so much stupider than we are?
We think the way to solve this is to let every team have one timeout per period. Use it or lose it. And that way it just won’t be an issue at all, because people could have timeouts whenever. Wait, no… Or it could be three times the issue. Never mind.