“Dispatches” “From” “Vancouver” “From” “Paulie” “Martin”

Olympics could not have been funner! My season-long plan to pretend to have a broken arm worked to perfection. No one knows that I’ve been spending the year as my alter-ego, “Charlie White”. Sure, “Charlie” didn’t win gold, but I got to fulfill my dream of being a world class ice dancer. Sure, my coaches [...]

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“Dispatches” “From” “Vancouver” “From” “Crunchy” “Miller”

Olympics are fun. In addition to playing hockey I’m acting like the Johnny Appleseed of boob hoodies. Can’t believe Vancouver didn’t already have them. But Olympics could be funner. There are a lot of fatties here. Curlers, bobsledders, ski jumpers (hey, come on, you have to admit it those suits make them look puffy if [...]

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“Dispatches” “From” “Vancouver” “From” “Chris” “Pronger”

Olympics are fun. I’m kicking ass and taking names because that’s just what I do. But Olympics could be funner. The ice dancers should all wear firebird feathers instead of those stupid “classy” Gold-medal-winning outfits. I’d tell them that, but it’s a fucking tightrope, man. I would love to tell the ski jumpers that they [...]

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“Dispatches” “From” “Vancouver” “From” “Sid” “Crosby”

Olympics are fun. That’s what they want me to say. Actually, I’m not winning. That’s not fun. I wanted to go home. I had a great idea to get sent home. I was going to do kinda lewd things with a medal and have pictures put in the internets of it, but I don’t know [...]

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“Dispatches” “From” “Vancouver” “From” “Mike” “Richards”

Olympics are fun. Olympic village kinda like Philly but with slightly nicer people. Okay, much nicer people. Okay, I don’t think any Vancouverite has ever thrown batteries at Santa Claus ever in the history of the city. In fact, they’d probably trade pins with him. But… Olympics could be funner. The Ookies used to think [...]

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“Dispatches” “From” “Vancouver” “From” “Eddie” “Belfour”

At the Olympics just for fun. Olympics are fun. Saw this million-dollar coin. Seriously? That’s the best the Canadian Mint can do? I could poop six or seven of those things a day. Now that I think about it, Olympics suck.

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“Dispatches” “From” “Vancouver” “From” “Getzi”

Olympics are fun. Oops, my trading pins fell off. Olympics could have been funner. Shirt could have fallen off, too.

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