While the team was on the road, we headed up to Newark to do some sleuthing to figure out why the Devils suck so bad. And while snooping around the practice rink and dressing room, we stumbled across a shocking book pamphlet leaflet index card that we are copying verbatim below. We think it really helps explain the current dreadful state of the Devils.
NEW JERSEY DEVILS OFFICIAL OFFENSIVE PLAYBOOK – SECOND SET
Note: In normal seasons, the second set of official offensive plays are deployed on February 1. Due to the Olympic break, the second set of offensive plays for 2009-2010 will be deployed on January 1. The penalty for using plays during games that are not included in the official second set, be they from the official first set or of the player’s own creative impulse, remains the same: rooming with Lou Lamoriello. There will be no exceptions to this rule.
Introduction: All of the plays below shall begin in the defensive zone. The process of collecting the puck in the defensive zone, regardless of offensive play to follow, is the same. The forward skater shall stand above one of the faceoff dots and wait for the goaltender (30) to make a save and either direct or pass the rebound to him. Forward skaters should never “try to be a hero” and make a play to retrieve the puck himself. Under no conditions should a defensive skater ever touch the puck with his stick in the defensive zone. If a defensive skater feels he cannot resist touching the puck with his stick in the defensive zone, he should either deflect or shoot the puck into his own net.
Offensive Plays
1. The Steamroller
After retrieving the puck in the defensive zone a forward skater shall carry the puck toward the offensive zone on an angle toward one of the wings. The forward skater’s linemates shall accompany him, while the defensive skaters hang back, creating an even-numbers three-on-three rush. The play shall remain onsides while entering the offensive zone. When the puck-carrier reaches the top of the faceoff circle, he shall gently shove the puck forward into the possession of the opposing team, pull up, and retreat back to the defensive zone. The puck-carrier’s linemates shall follow.
2. The Bulldozer
This play shall unfold identically to the Steamroller except a defensive skater shall jump into the play after the puck-carrier releases the puck into the possession of the opposing team. While the forward skaters turn around and skate back to the defensive zone, the defensive skater shall “pinch”, skating past the opposing players toward the opposing net, so as to remain behind the play as the opposing team returns to the other end of the ice.
3. The Steamdozer
After retrieving the puck in the defensive zone a forward skater shall carry the puck straight up the ice toward the opposing net. He shall be accompanied by one linemate, so as to create an “odd-man rush” of two skaters against one. The puck-carrier shall stickhandle all the way to the blue-painted crease, then attempt a backhand shot that the opposing goaltender can turn aside without difficulty. The accompanying forward skater shall then pull up outside the blue-painted crease, mindful not to get in the way of the opposing goaltender and under no circumstances touching the puck, then turn around and skate back to the defensive zone. The puck-carrier shall remain below the opposing goal line while the opposing team returns to the other end of the ice.
Contingency Plans
There are times when the opposing team makes it impossible for a conscientious New Jersey Devil to perform his game plan to the letter. Such situations often occur in the neutral zone. If a New Jersey Devils skater finds himself in possession of the puck in the neutral zone, he should take one of the following actions:
1. Take a penalty
2. Clear the puck off of the playing surface
3. Return the puck to the opposing player he got it from
4. Go for a line change
5. Play dead
There are also times when the opposing team conspires to force the New Jersey Devils into situations where they are ahead on the scoreboard. If a New Jersey Devils skater finds himself in possession of a lead, he should take the following action:
1. Lose it.
5. Play dead
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: So what you’re saying is my cat could play for the Devils?
mcguggs, Joey would be SUCH a good addition to the Devils. All he needs is for you to change the colors on his Kittymaki sweater!
I’ll make him a “NiederMEOWer” or a Joey “PAWdolfo”.
Oh and I hate the Senators. Especially Spezza.
I’ll make him a “NiederMEOWer” or a Joey “PAWdolfo”.
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Or maybe “HAIRBALL” or “YARF” or “DIRTY KITTY LITTER”. (That could be any of the Devils.)
I can’t believe the Sabres haven’t opened a giant lead! We left the room and everything! And it still didn’t work! Stupid Sens. (Spezza seemed to figure mightily in our recent loss to them, too. Grrr…)
“DIRTY KITTY LITTER”
Hey now, Blobby Holik is no longer on the team!
“DIRTY KITTY LITTER”
Hey now, Blobby Holik is no longer on the team!
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: How about “Fat Pussy Toad”?
Oh, and WOOO for only losing by one goal now.
Wait?! WTF?! We’re tied now?? Is this that “scoring goals” of which they speak??
I think the Devils need to bring back Scott Stevens. Not to play of course, but to roam the arena as a kind of Office Linebacker.
Mottau: Scott! I swear there was nothing I could do about scoring that own goal!
SS the Office Blueliner: We don’t need that weak ass shit up in this humpty bumpty! I’ma make you into applesauce!
KAPOW!
How about “Fat Pussy Toad”?
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Who doesn’t love Hideki Irabu?
And woo hooo! for tying it up!
We don’t need that weak ass shit up in this humpty bumpty! I’ma make you into applesauce!
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: That’s EXACTLY how he talks, too!
Imagine the look on the vet’s face when you registered your cat, Fat Pussy Toad.
Imagine the look on the vet’s face when you registered your cat, Fat Pussy Toad.
I know a girl whose cats are named Motherfucker and Penis. I weep for them.
Imagine the look on the vet’s face when you registered your cat, Fat Pussy Toad.
My co-worker’ 3-year-old daughter named their cat Toaster.
I hate the Sens. I hate the Sabres. They all can be set adrift in a leaky rowboat to fight for survival.
They all can be set adrift in a leaky rowboat to fight for survival.
I am SO sorry. Not long after I responded to mcguggs’s excitement about the game being tied, I noticed that, um, it wasn’t tied anymore. :(
I know a girl whose cats are named Motherfucker and Penis. I weep for them.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: We call one of our cats “Fucky”. He actually knows we’re talking about him when we say it. Heh. (And I think Toaster is an adorable name for a cat!)
Toaster is an awesome name for a cat!
I love the name Toaster for a cat! Is he brave? And little?
Is he brave? And little?
With a name like Toaster, how could he not be?
Does he come with childhood-ruining, pants-filling clown and air conditioner scenes?
The toaster of stately IPB Manor is so slow to toast a family friend once declared it “The Toaster Of Infinity”. Meanwhile, Fucky is kinda outliving his welcome (he’s the one with the “inappropriate vocalization” problems) so I think I’ll start calling him The Cat Of Infinity.
I love the name Toaster for a cat! Is he brave? And little?
He’s little, at least.
The Blues broadcaster has such an annoying cadence, it drives me crazy to have to listen to him for a whole game.
The Cat Of Infinity.
Poor kitty.
Patty, that guy is BY FAR my least favorite play-by-play man in hockey. He used to do the Avs, and between him and Peter “I’m addressing my audience as if they are kindergarteners” McNab, not to mention the sheer Av-ness of the Forsberg-Era Avs, those games were like the most elite circle of hell. He is UNLISTENABLE.
The Blues broadcaster has such an annoying cadence, it drives me crazy to have to listen to him for a whole game.
Watching the Blues isn’t doing that anyway?
Poor kitty.
You’ve met him! How can you feel sorry for him?! :P
How can you feel sorry for him?!
Because I don’t live with him. :P
He used to do the Avs
I wondered about that! Every time I hear him I’m surprised it’s the Blues and I couldn’t put my finger on why. That explains it. I loathe the Avs so much that I rarely watch.
And yeah, Tim, the fact that it’s the Blues is certainly not helping. :D
So sorry about that crummy Sabres game, Sabres fans. :(
Imagine the look on the vet’s face when you registered your cat, Fat Pussy Toad.
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: We had Guildenstern and Rosencrantz so they’d expect it.
I’m calling the Sabres The Team of Infinity. Oh, and Sekera and Kennedy: Every hear of Alfredsson?? Yeah, ya might want to cover him, you ass clowns!!!
Oh, and Sekera and Kennedy: Every hear of Alfredsson?? Yeah, ya might want to cover him, you ass clowns!!!
They’re like, “We were told he was injured.”
Oh, and Sekera and Kennedy: Every hear of Alfredsson??
Pomminville is like, “Nah, they’ve never heard of him, so we all figured we don’t need to cover him. ” Seriously, though, sorry about the game. Hockey is so stupid these days.
Oh, and Sekera and Kennedy: Every hear of Alfredsson?? Yeah, ya might want to cover him, you ass clowns!!!
They’re like, “We were told he was injured.”
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
I’m sorry, I shouldn’t laugh.
They’re like, “We were told he was injured.”
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Komisarek’s out for the season. I wonder if he needs an in-home masseuse. I think hockey and I are on a break. We need to see other people. I’m gonna go finish my night with the Celtics, who seem to like playing well consistently. Go figure.
I think hockey and I are on a break. We need to see other people.
I’m so sorry. Pookie and I were discussing how the instant the Devils are out, we’re not likely to watch any of the playoffs this year. Last time we did that was 2004. Pookie said that her hockey love is like a dense, lush forest. Every five years, it needs a controlled burn. :P
And I am SO sorry about Komi. I think he DEFINITELY needs an in-house masseuse. Or an in-house ice girl.
Don’t say massage. Or rub or moist or grind.
Don’t say massage. Or rub or moist or grind.
*backspaces long story about roast she’s making*
*backspaces long story about roast she’s making*
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Yeah, I guess no one wants to hear about our pulled pork. (Wait, should I not say “pulled” or “pork”?)
Oooh, I’m gonna have pulled pork sammiches for dinner tomorrow night.
A pulled pork sammich sounds delish! I think I’m having a leftover cajun-seasoned turkey burger for lunch tomorrow…
(Wait, should I not say “pulled” or “pork”?)
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: to all of you!
Celtics won! Sabres who? I’m going to bed! G’night y’all.
G’night mcguggs! And remember, it’s gonna be a beautiful day tomorrow (assuming the Sabres don’t play). :P
Good night, mcguffers. I’m so sorry about the Sabres. Sweet dreams of Komisarek… alive.
Good morning, everybody! How are we all doing today? Recovering from last night’s Sabres suck-fest? Eagerly anticipating tomorrow’s Devils suck-fest? Somewhere in between?
Somewhere in between?
Recovering from nearly killing myself trying not to laugh out loud during a lecture. We were discussing a theory about the escalation of commitment (why people stay committed to a bad project/marriage/whatever) and it reminded me very strongly of the way we are with our hockey teams.
So yeah, sort of trying to anticipate the next suck-fest.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Mags, that’s hilarious! What a timely lecture!
We were discussing a theory about the escalation of commitment (why people stay committed to a bad project/marriage/whatever) and it reminded me very strongly of the way we are with our hockey teams.
HA! Wait, did you get any tips for how to get out of commitment to a bad hockey team? :D
Pookie, nope. Other than to cut ties and go. Which seems sad in the extreme (and that’s exactly what the problem with escalation of commitment is)
Well, I suppose I’ll just keep letting the commitment escalate, because cutting ties and leaving really would be too sad to bear. But don’t tell the Devils I said that.
Recovering from last night’s Sabres suck-fest?
That’s what she said. Heh.
Humor is a wonderful coping mechanism.
Humor is a wonderful coping mechanism.
Heh. Sometimes I think that’s all I’ve got left. :P
Oh my god you guys, I am frickin’ bored. I ran out of internet at like, 10:00 am. What the eff.
I’m thinking of going to get lunch, even though I brought my own, just because I need something to do.
andrew, sorry man, I know exactly how you feel! Ugh.
andrew, that’s the story of my day today. My week has careened from an absolute madhouse on Monday to… me sitting here, alone on a completely abandoned floor, with nothing on the interwebs at all to keep me company. I’m reduced to wondering how much our lettuce has grown today. I never thought to go out for lunch (even though I was so bored I ate the lunch I brought with me at 11:45).
I should point out that my workplace seems to have developed the perfect interweb filter. My webs are so slow and finicky that any site that has video or significant pictures on it will crash IE entirely for me. So to say there’s nothing on the interwebs is perhaps overstating the case. Rather, there’s nothing on the interwebs that my dumb internet connection can handle. :(
I’m reduced to wondering how much our lettuce has grown today.
That’s not such a bag thing to be wondering about. Lettuce grows fairly quickly, no? I bet there’ll be lots of progress to look at.
I’m not so bored yet. Listening to an audiobook and knitting. And avoiding anything to do with Uni. Oh, and guess who I’m going to see this weekend? Vinny! Our little wee Leafs fan of yesteryear! She’s in Paris for Uni, and she and her friends are coming up to Amsterdam for the weekend so we arranged a meet up!
That’s awesome, Mags! That you’re meeting up with Vinny, not that you’re bored… Heh. Tell her I say hi, and that I hope she’s doing great!
Lettuce grows fairly quickly, no? I bet there’ll be lots of progress to look at.
*Snort!* Here’s hoping! (Actually, the one time we started lettuce indoors [which is not something I'd recommend, by the way. It gets really leggy, then doesn't turn into anything when you transplant it outside], it was sprouting about 18 hours after planting, so maybe I shouldn’t laugh…)
Tell her I say hi, and that I hope she’s doing great!
Will do. I dunno, maybe I’ll end up in Paris later this year. Probably during the playoffs, after the Devils have (inevitably) puttered out. Blessed escape to the land where, or so Grrreg tells us, there is no hockey at all.
the one time we started lettuce indoors it was sprouting about 18 hours after planting, so maybe I shouldn’t laugh…
My mummers said the same thing about her lettuce. Da made her start less of it this year, because he said he couldn’t face another year of salads. “Let us be!” (My Da, he’s so punny)
Blessed escape to the land where, or so Grrreg tells us, there is no hockey at all.
Mmmm… That sounds so nice. And Paris is lovely in April, I’m sure!
“Let us be!” (My Da, he’s so punny)
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Nice one! We actually don’t really commit much to growing lettuce because our farm share has GOBS of it. Every spring I get all gung-ho about being better about not just composting all of it, and then, a few weeks later, I’m back to not being able to be bothered to trim and wash it all. But… it’s so easy to grow! :D
My webs are so slow and finicky that any site that has video or significant pictures on it will crash IE entirely for me.
I was gonna make a joke about how you guys always talk about the Devils lack of web content and how that’s working for you now. But then I gave up. What a lazy bastard of a day this is.
Awww, say hi to Vinny for us Mags! Cool that you’re gonna hang out.
Actually, the one time we started lettuce indoors [which is not something I'd recommend, by the way. It gets really leggy, then doesn't turn into anything when you transplant it outside]
It grows so fast and easy that I can’t imagine it being worth the trouble to start indoors.
Blessed escape to the land where, or so Grrreg tells us, there is no hockey at all.
Ahem, Cristobal Huet begs to differ.
Ahem, Cristobal Huet begs to differ.
Are you insinuating that Cristobal Huet plays hockey? *cocks one eyebrow at you*
It grows so fast and easy that I can’t imagine it being worth the trouble to start indoors.
We were trying to get a jump on the spring thaw! Some of us don’t get be frost-free from December on, you know! :P (Also, some of us really don’t have THAT great an idea of what we’re doing as gardeners… Heh.)
I was gonna make a joke about how you guys always talk about the Devils lack of web content and how that’s working for you now. But then I gave up.
:^::::::::::::::::::::::: Thanks for trying even as much as you did. I appreciate it.
So. Anybody have anything else exciting going on, other than meeting Vinny? All I’ve got is that it’s supposed to snow a lot this weekend. Whee! That, and I found out yesterday that there will be no raises at my company this year, and I have to use up all my vacation because they’re discontinuing the vacation deferral policy. And that’s it. A thrill a minute, I tells ya.
(Also, some of us really don’t have THAT great an idea of what we’re doing as gardeners… Heh.)
Amen to that, sister.
*cocks one eyebrow at you*
Hee!
Anybody have anything else exciting going on, other than meeting Vinny?
Gonna go to the movies this weekend. The Oscar noms are in, so we have to make our annual push to see whatever best picture candidate we’ve missed.
I found out yesterday that there will be no raises at my company this year
Woo! Good times huh. I found out that our furloughs were deemed illegal, so they will be cancelled come July. Bad news is that the gubnator will then ask us to take a %10 paycut with no days off (right now it’s %15 with 3 days a month off), and all depts state wide will be asked to trim %5 from personnel costs. Your Weeeellllcoooome.
So which Oscar movies do you have to race to catch up on?
Bad news is that the gubnator will then ask us to take a %10 paycut with no days off (right now it’s %15 with 3 days a month off), and all depts state wide will be asked to trim %5 from personnel costs. Your Weeeellllcoooome.
Ouch. That blows. (Like you needed me to tell you that.) I was all outraged about my lack of a raise this year, and then was like, “Wait a sec… I’m still employed and am not taking a pay cut, so what am I complaining about?” Also, a couple of years ago I went two years without a raise because my boss overlooked me, so it’s not even like I’ve never had this happen before. :P
So which Oscar movies do you have to race to catch up on?
Uh…pretty much most of them. Luckily a local theather brings the indies around for another viewing this time of year. We’re gonna go see Up in the Air, and possibly An Education this weekend.
Caveat: we will undoubtedly skip a few nominees no matter what. The Blind Side? Really, her?
“Wait a sec… I’m still employed and am not taking a pay cut, so what am I complaining about?”
This is true. Things are bad all over. But that’s why man invented beer!
Bad news is that the gubnator will then ask us to take a %10 paycut with no days off (right now it’s %15 with 3 days a month off), and all depts state wide will be asked to trim %5 from personnel costs. Your Weeeellllcoooome.
Andrew, it just, I just… what? Is that even legal? Wtf are they ON?
a couple of years ago I went two years without a raise because my boss overlooked me, so it’s not even like I’ve never had this happen before. :P
That happened to Mummers last year. Although I don’t think it was so much her not getting a raise, but them forgetting her whole department. She was so angry when she found out she went to yell at her boss just before he went on vacation. She met his wife later, and that lady told Mummers that he’d had spent the entire holiday worried about Mummers raising the whole hospital against him in rebellion. Heh.
Caveat: we will undoubtedly skip a few nominees no matter what. The Blind Side? Really, her?
HA! We voluntarily watched “The Proposal” On Demand this past weekend, so I’m like, “Hm… The Blind Side is the only of the Oscar movies I’m likely to ever see!” :P
That’s cool that you’ve got a local theater that will bring in the smaller movies that slipped through the cracks the first time around. I hope you enjoy them! I think An Education sounds like it’s well worth the price of the ticket.
But that’s why man invented beer!
Amen to that! And I have to say, the quality of sunlight here in Jersey has been outrageous since the calendar rolled over into 2010. I am noticing every day how much brighter and longer the daylight hours are, so I’m kinda like, “Who can be glum when there are so many signs that everything’s going to be waking up again in a few weeks?” I’m feeling very hippy-dippy lately.
She met his wife later, and that lady told Mummers that he’d had spent the entire holiday worried about Mummers raising the whole hospital against him in rebellion. Heh.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::: That’s what he gets for forgetting to give her department their due! (Sadly, I don’t think my former boss would even know what I was talking about if I confronted him about my lack of recognition. He kinda didn’t realize I worked for him, so it was sort of understandable.)
Andrew, it just, I just… what? Is that even legal?
Legal…illegal…these words don’t really flitter across Schwarzenegger’s brain when he’s “governing.”
We voluntarily watched “The Proposal” On Demand this past weekend, so I’m like, “Hm… The Blind Side is the only of the Oscar movies I’m likely to ever see!”
Too funny. Tracie went and saw The Proposal in the theater with some girlfriends. Mercifully, I got to stay home. We will be reversing that deal on the 26th when I go see The Crazies with a few buddies.
“Who can be glum when there are so many signs that everything’s going to be waking up again in a few weeks?”
I know right! I’m actually caught in the bizarro world version of that: I’ve been so immersed in Modern Warfare 2 that I’m like, “Who can be glum when there are just so many people to kill? WHEEE!”
(Seriously, I know I already said it, but buy this game for Boomer. It is, without question, my favorite shooter since Black. It might even be better.)
Woo! Good times huh. I found out that our furloughs were deemed illegal, so they will be cancelled come July. Bad news is that the gubnator will then ask us to take a %10 paycut with no days off (right now it’s %15 with 3 days a month off), and all depts state wide will be asked to trim %5 from personnel costs.
You make me feel better about my own lot in life as a state government worker. Last year we had a 5% pay cut via 1 furlough day a month and for at least the first half of this year, no furlough days (no raises or travel goes without saying of course though). Hope your state and mine get better soon (but I’m not holding my breath with this economy)!
In hockey news, what do y’all (as they say in Texas) think about the Kovalchuck trade gossip? I am all for it if we can somehow stiff Atlanta for players like Mottau.
I’ve been so immersed in Modern Warfare 2 that I’m like, “Who can be glum when there are just so many people to kill? WHEEE!”
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: That’s a great feeling, too. Actually, that’s an even better one than being all huggy because the days are getting longer, because it’s actually engaging.
And I’d buy MW2 for Boomer, except you have to understand that she didn’t play Black. She watched Pookie play Black. When we left her alone for a week, she talked a big game about wanting to play Black, but then didn’t bother changing the input on the TV, and instead watched TCM for a week. I’m not sure MW2 would really be all that enriching in her life. :P (We’re getting her a new laptop for Mother’s Day, but if we didn’t have that lined up, I’d TOTALLY buy her Modern Warfare 2.)
I am all for it if we can somehow stiff Atlanta for players like Mottau.
Heh. That would be the only condition with which I’d be happy about making a move for Kovalchuk. I mean, other than a bunch of stiffs, what do the Devils have to give up for a rental player (since there’s no way he’d EVER re-sign with us)? We don’t have any spare parts that actually work!
(no raises or travel goes without saying of course though)
Oddly enough, I’m still required to travel. (It is only in state, but still. Weird.)
Hope your state and mine get better soon
Word. Don’t forget the other 46 states that aren’t in the black.
In hockey news, what do y’all (as they say in Texas) think about the Kovalchuck trade gossip?
I got a good laugh from Custance’s article today. He thinks the Sharks are going to make a move for him because get this, A) Doug Wilson has made big trades in the past and B) because Kovy and Heatly were roommates in Atlanta. That’s it. What a maroon.
He thinks the Sharks are going to make a move for him because get this, A) Doug Wilson has made big trades in the past and B) because Kovy and Heatly were roommates in Atlanta.
Wait, that’s not enough to convince you? Because I’m pretty sold on that evidence.
We’re getting her a new laptop for Mother’s Day, but if we didn’t have that lined up, I’d TOTALLY buy her Modern Warfare 2.
So that she could watch Pookie play it. Heh.
But for reals, that’s very nice of you two! A new laptop?! Awesome.
andrew, I’m so sorry about the paycut/furlough crap! I’m starting to worry because my union’s contract is up; I have no idea what fun will be in store for us when it’s finally negotiated. In this day and age who knows what the end result will be. I had just better have my 24 vacation days is alls I’m saying.
Wait, that’s not enough to convince you? Because I’m pretty sold on that evidence.
Ha! I know. Who needs to worry about things like “cap space” or “needing a godam decent 4th defenseman, not another superstar forward”.
We don’t have any spare parts that actually work!
You’re right, in fact you may need to change the title of your blog :D
And I agree with you that Kovalchuk would never resign with the Devils, making the whole thing pointless. I can’t imagine this ever happening, my bet is he gets traded to the Kings and resigns with the Rangers in the summer, since apparently Glen Sather has blackmail material over many other general managers in the league to make them take terrible contracts off his hands. As part of the shuffling, Drury will be traded to the Islanders for a half used roll of Scotch tape.
Hey Mags if you come here during the playoffs, I’ll be mad at you if we can’t have a drink while lamenting at our respective teams! ;)
And Ookies, are you eager/anxious/scared to see Lou pull the trigger on a deal to get Kovalchuck? I’m surprised the Devils are rumoured to be interested, that doesn’t sound like them!
Don’t forget the other 46 states that aren’t in the black.
Like NY. Not only are we in debt up to our eyeballs, but we could potentially have Sandra Lee as our state’s first lady if Cuomo gets elected.
And Kovy turned down $101 million over 12 years. I’m not sure whether he’s crazier for turning it down, or whether Waddell takes the cake for even offering it.
(sorry I just saw you already answered that Schnookie!)
So that she could watch Pookie play it. Heh.
You better believe it! Boomer loves watching other people play video games. She then spends the whole time backseat driving and yammering on about how bad she is at playing the games herself.
Who needs to worry about things like “cap space” or “needing a godam decent 4th defenseman, not another superstar forward”.
Not the Sharks, that’s who! And honestly, do the Sharks even need Kovalchuk? Does he really offer THAT MUCH that they don’t already have?
Word. Don’t forget the other 46 states that aren’t in the black.
I guess it’s good that Idaho is constitutionally mandated to have a balanced budget every year. We pay enough in taxes for it though. So what states are not in the black, do you have a link? I am very bored today.
Also Andrew, do you have MW2 for X360 or PS3? I have it for PS3 but I’m not very good, my brother can shoot circles around me.
Grrrreg, I’ll see you at the end of April!
Who needs to worry about things like “cap space” or “needing a godam decent 4th defenseman, not another superstar forward”.
The only words I read were “needing a superstar forward”. Because who doesn’t, eh?
And Kovy turned down $101 million over 12 years. I’m not sure whether he’s crazier for turning it down, or whether Waddell takes the cake for even offering it.
Methinks Waddell knew Kovy wouldn’t take it. And Kovy is an ass.
but we could potentially have Sandra Lee as our state’s first lady if Cuomo gets elected.
That is so awesome, Amy. Imagine the tablescapes she could slap together in the governor’s mansion.
Methinks Waddell knew Kovy wouldn’t take it. And Kovy is an ass.
I think Kovalchuk made ridiculous demands that he knew Waddell wouldn’t be able to meet. He is still an ass though, it will be interesting to see how much he gets in the summer because I bet it won’t be as much as Waddell’s offer.
As part of the shuffling, Drury will be traded to the Islanders for a half used roll of Scotch tape.
I would laugh if only it didn’t sound so damn plausible!
She then spends the whole time backseat driving and yammering on about how bad she is at playing the games herself.
That is hilarious. Didn’t you guys ask me a while back what other games are comparable? I thought that was because Boomer actually wanted to play them. The truth behind it is much funnier.
Does he really offer THAT MUCH that they don’t already have?
I really don’t think so. We have Heatly…and as far as I can tell, they play a pretty similar game.
So what states are not in the black, do you have a link?
I don’t, sorry. I read it a few months back, I think Texas was one. The other was a midwest state…maybe Minnesota or Wisconsin or something. I’m not entirely sure.
Also Andrew, do you have MW2 for X360 or PS3? I have it for PS3 but I’m not very good, my brother can shoot circles around me.
Xbox. I’m not that good yet either. Playing online makes for a very quick learning curve though. You get better or those kids wax you.
Grrrreg, I’ll see you at the end of April!
Great!
As part of the shuffling, Drury will be traded to the Islanders for a half used roll of Scotch tape.
As long as Gainey doesn’t end up trading for Redden, we’re good.
I thought that was because Boomer actually wanted to play them. The truth behind it is much funnier.
Yeeeeah. Well, it sounded as if she did want to play them, but I guess changing the input on the TV is too much. Of course, if we did encourage her to play, it would be like a repeat of my middle school years, where Boomer dropped us of at school and then went home and played Dr. Mario until it was time to pick us up. She’d never go on beer runs for me if she’s sucked into MW2!
Imagine the tablescapes she could slap together in the governor’s mansion.
She’s already made comments on how she can’t wait to get to the governor’s mansion to put her own personal touches on it.
Does he really offer THAT MUCH that they don’t already have?
It’s not like he’s bringing massive amounts of playoff experience with him.
I’m kind of glad that two of Kovy’s teammates have trashed Lindy to him and less likely that he would come to Buffalo.
Okay, guys, I’m finally free to go. I’ll see you all later! Hang in there, everyone who still has some workday left — this too shall pass! I’m living proof of it! :P
it will be interesting to see how much he gets in the summer because I bet it won’t be as much as Waddell’s offer.
I dunno Mike. There have been some craaaazy contracts signed in the last few years. It might not be as much, but it’ll be close.
She’d never go on beer runs for me if she’s sucked into MW2!
HA! That’s too funny. I can’t imagine my mom getting pulled into a video game. Like at all.
It’s not like he’s bringing massive amounts of playoff experience with him.
He is, however, bringing massive amounts of goals with him. That makes up for a lot.
Later Schnookie!
All this talk of MW2 is making me twitchy. I may have to pop downstairs, crank it up, and wax some old folks.
I’d love to see the Devils rent Kovy, if just for the reaction on his face when he shows up and sees the offensive playbook.
“So…you dink putting puck in net ish bad? And you have vhat place in Eastern Conference? Vhere is vodka?”
I should probably try to find work with the state. Even when they’re in the red, they just furlough people for a few days a month? I’d take that! :P
I may have to pop downstairs, crank it up, and wax some old folks.
You punk kids and your “reflexes”….you ruin the fun for all of us old timers! I oughta get out the Nintendo 64 and teach you a thing or two about Goldeneye! My hip hurts.
“So…you dink putting puck in net ish bad? And you have vhat place in Eastern Conference? Vhere is vodka?”
Kovy sounds like Chekov from Star Trek.
You punk kids and your “reflexes”….you ruin the fun for all of us old timers! I oughta get out the Nintendo 64 and teach you a thing or two about Goldeneye! My hip hurts.
No being Oddjob though, that’s cheating. And I call the helicopter pilot!
I should probably try to find work with the state.
Whoa…let’s not get crazy here. The 3 days a month off sound nice and all, but my paycheck doesn’t even cover the mortgage. (and I only get paid once a month!)
The 3 days a month off sound nice and all, but my paycheck doesn’t even cover the mortgage. (and I only get paid once a month!)
Ooh, I hate getting paid once a month! I had that back in the 80′s when I worked in a photo lab.
Still. Better than nothing. Which is where I am now. :D
If you know somebody that’s hiring in Dallas, state or not, let me know.
No being Oddjob though, that’s cheating.
Hardly! Throwing proximity mines underneath ammo boxes so the next guy runs gleffuly up to them…now that’s cheating.
Still. Better than nothing. Which is where I am now. :D
WHAT?! What happened? Your company go under or something?
WHAT?! What happened? Your company go under or something?
I got laid off a couple of weeks ago. I have quite a bit of severance, but when it’s up, I had better have a paying job. :D
Thanks for assuming the company would have to be going under in order to let me go. :P
I got laid off a couple of weeks ago.
Oh my god, I didn’t know that. I’m sorry, Patty! That’s terrible! Glad to hear that you have a decent severance package to hold you over.
Thanks for assuming the company would have to be going under in order to let me go.
Well…they would clearly have to be dumb to let you go!
Well…they would clearly have to be dumb to let you go!
Clearly! (I mean, thanks!) :P
Patty,
I know what we need to do. Stars owners!!!!
Anyone have a couple of hundrend millon dollars to lend us to make it happen.
Ooh! Great idea! We need to talk to Tom Hicks’s lenders. Explain how we would never have let Hagman go in favor of Avery. I’m sure they’d fork it over.
Alright, who spiked Lou’s coffee so that he traded for Kovalchuk?
3. The Steamdozer
By the way, I never mentioned how hilarious I found your post! Sorry about that. The Steamdozer was my favorite part. Can I add that to my list of potential fantasy team names?
Can I add that to my list of potential fantasy team names?
I’d say yes, but I’m suddenly thinking it should be MY fantasy team! :P (And thanks for liking the post.)
My team is going to be the Steamdoozersoxers.
I’ll add it to my list, but I’ll check with you before I use it. How about that? :D
Okay. Because I’m going to need you to remind me of it come September.
i’m afraid of what lou might have traded for a rental…(whose first born was not on any protected list?)
Yeah, don, I am EXTREMELY unhappy about whatever Kovalchuk would have cost. EXTREMELY. Unless it’s Kovalchuk for Mottau, straight-up. In which case, thanks, Thrashers!
I am EXTREMELY unhappy about whatever Kovalchuk would have cost. EXTREMELY. Unless it’s Kovalchuk for Mottau, straight-up. In which case, thanks, Thrashers!
The names that the “experts” keep hearing are Oduya and Bergfors, plus a pick or two.
Boogerfors, they can have. Oduya? Not so much. I’m pretending that rumor is false. I have a few more minutes to believe that it’s not true, no one ruin that for me. :D
Considering that Oduya’s one of very few even remotely competent d-men that the Devils have under contract past this season, I think that trade makes PERFECT sense. *Eyeroll*
off the top of my head i guess that means that martin will be back after the olympic break and lou intends to re-sign martin with that money that oduya is/was making…bergfors…and a pick or two…i could live with that provided that they don’t actually offer kovalchuck a contract for next year since he’d break the bank…let’s hope that is the deal then
Lou better be 100% confident that Paulie’s going to re-sign. That’s my concern. I might just be paranoid, but I’m SO confident that Paulie’s going to fly the coop, and then Lou’s going to be like, “Hm. I wasn’t expecting that. I guess it’s time for Plan B. ::Picks up phone and dials Richard Matvichuk’s agent::”
I’ve also always assumed Paulie would bolt. He’s got that air of Neider about him, so I assumed he’d go to Minnesota who would surely offer him market value (I have no idea what their cap space is like).
i guess whatever the deal is, it is a done deal and they are going to announce it after lou gets to tell the playes involved personally before they hear about it or read about it someplace else…
By the way, going back a bit, I think Myra and Patty should TOTALLY become the new Stars owners! That’s a FANTASTIC idea!
Well, I’ll give Lou this — of all the things I anticipated from the Devils this season, trading for a rental Kovalchuk was not anywhere even remotely near the list.
I hope Kovalchuk will be a better rental than Phil Housley was. :P
If Kovalchuk knows anything about Twitter, he’s heard. :D
yes, normally lou does not yield to such temptations, does he?
I guess he just REALLY wanted to offload Patrice Cormier. :P
Woah woah woah woah woah….I leave for one second, and we end up with Kovy? Did he not read my post?
Shockingly, Lou doesn’t often turn to us for advice. We’ve been running this blog for YEARS, and does he ever show us the courtesy of even just running ideas past us first? NO! No he does not! Hmph.
I think if more GM’s stopped by IPB to float some balloons, they’d be much better off.
lou has the hots for kovalchuck…kinda like a 1930s b/w flick on TCM where a middle aged (or beyond) guy kibbee is infatuated with a young chorus girl… :D
I think if more GM’s stopped by IPB to float some balloons, they’d be much better off.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Seriously. We should send them all emails to let them know the roster-move vetting services we could offer.
lou has the hots for kovalchuck…kinda like a 1930s b/w flick on TCM where a middle aged (or beyond) guy kibbee is infatuated with a young chorus girl…
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Or they’d turn suicidal from all the pessimism.
all kidding aside, to me this trade means that lou thinks that this year, with this team, is their last, best chance to win the cup with marty brodeur as their goalie since i’m certain that they will never sign kovalchuck to a contract after this season is over
I… I don’t know how I feel about this trade. I’m fine with Cormier, the pick, and Bergfors… but I keep going back and forth on Oduya. I like him, but he always seems to be not hitting his potential, but he’s good, but he’s not great, but this means we lean more on Mottau, but Kovalchuck can, you know score goals, but but but
Or they’d turn suicidal from all the pessimism.
*blinks innocently* What? Pessimism? Here?!
i should have said “win the cup AGAIN” with marty brodeur as their goalie :D
Hooray for dumping Cormier, not happy about losing Oduya, a thorough ‘meh’ to Boogerfors.
gunner, I may have been recently bemoaning that our entire d-corps is the suckiest group of hockey players to ever lace them up, but dude, Oduya is the only one right now that I don’t freak out about. Kovalchuk could be Mario Lemiuex and I’d still not be happy about having to rely on Mottau more.
i should have said “win the cup AGAIN” with marty brodeur as their goalie :D
Ahhhh. That makes me feel, totally seriously, WAY better. It’s always good to be reminded of that. :D
And I agree with everyone here — I’m THRILLED to be rid of Cormier (I’ve felt SO squicky about him, especially because we were practically sitting next to him in Ottawa when he got drafted, and then we kept running into him around the arena afterwards, so I was always like, “Oh, HE’S gonna be my SPECIAL career Devil…”), I could give a shit about Boogerfors (in fact, I might be happy to see him go, because “Boogerfors” is surprisingly difficult to type when writing game diaries. Thank goodness he never DID anything to HAVE to write about), but I’m WAAAAAY not into giving up Oduya. I hope Lou’s got some serious contingency plans in place to replace him. (Although I suppose, since my first flash-of-panic response to Pookie saying, “Fuck. We got Kovalchuk” was “Fuck. We had to have given up Travis”, I should be happy it’s just Oduya.)
But our defensemen don’t score. And neither do our forwards. This could be Mogilny all over again.
But MOTTAU.
Damnit. He better score tomorrow, then I can delude myself for the rest of the year into thinking the Devils could win.
This could be Mogilny all over again.
Mogilny had a functional Gomez. Kovalchuk’s going to have either Travis (and Zach), or, in a “spread the wealth” attempt… Zubrus. Man, this is, like, his WORST NIGHTMARE. Back when we were in high school and had to go to that hellish torture they call “field hockey camp”, we used to joke that if we just lay in bed, tossing and turning, and then shot up while screaming “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” like in the movies, we’d suddenly wake up from our horrible nightmare and be back at home, far, far away from field hockey camp. I can only assume Kovalchuk’s doing that right now.
Mogilny had a functional Gomez.
And the team had the A-Line.
“Oh, HE’S gonna be my SPECIAL career Devil…”
Was that Cormier?! Wow. We barely got out of there with our lives!
Was that Cormier?! Wow. We barely got out of there with our lives!
I KNOW! He seemed so pleasant (and someday hawt), but it turns out he’s a psychopath!
Guh. On another topic, stupid Stars.
Yeah, I am SO sorry, Patty. That really bit.
Could have been worse, you could have lost to someone crappy like the Blue Ja-oh.
Could have been worse, you could have lost to someone crappy like the Blue Ja-oh.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Careful, Tim — Patty’s standing right behind you. Oh! Hi, Patty!
Har. Dee har. Har.
Heh heh. *Nervously loosens collar* So… what’s uo, Patty?
OH! Nothing. *rolls eyes*
Hey Patty, care for some flavourless ramen, pineapple soda and Mystery Science Theater 3000?
I’ll take some MST3K! It’s not on TV, is it?
OH! Nothing. *rolls eyes*
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Tim started it! :P
Even better, it’s on google video, youtube and hulu!
Whole episodes? I might have to check that out! I love those guys.
Oh hell yes whole episodes. Space Mutiny’s on there. Fricken Space fricken Mutiny!
Just type either mst3k or the whole thing into google video, limit it to the 20+ minute movies, and avoid veoh.com videos.
Ooh, thanks!
Right now I’m watching The Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy.
Hahaha!