“Dispatches” “From” “Vancouver” “From” “Crunchy” “Miller”

Olympics are fun. In addition to playing hockey I’m acting like the Johnny Appleseed of boob hoodies. Can’t believe Vancouver didn’t already have them. But Olympics could be funner. There are a lot of fatties here. Curlers, bobsledders, ski jumpers (hey, come on, you have to admit it those suits make them look puffy if not fat and is puffy really any better than fat? I mean, would you wear a boob hoodie that makes you look puffy? No, you wouldnt. [And if you would, just don't shop at the Refinery Dot Com. We don't have your size.] Maybe the ski jumpers should wear skinny jeans and boob hoodies over their suits. Goose, take dictation… Give ski jumpers skinny jeans and boob hoodies before we leave. No, sell the ski jumpers skinny jeans and boob hoodies before we leave.) But I digress! Olympics could be funner. To protest the fatties, I’m vowing to eat only one half of one container of McDonald’s chili sauce between now and the end of the Games. I wish I’d vowed to eat a whole one.

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