Some thoughts we have on the Devils lately:
– We are very lucky that our team has, every year since the lockout, given us the opportunity to watch them be the best team in hockey for a substantial stretch of time. Not every fan gets to say that, and we really enjoy it. We don’t want to sound ungrateful, or suggest that we don’t appreciate those five-, six-, seven-, whatever-week runs where we can’t help but think about how not a single team in the league could take four of seven against our boys. But the problem with the Devils doing that every season is that they haven’t timed that run very well since ’05-’06. And they fall off a fucking cliff every February. You know what makes a colossally awful stretch run even more interminable than the lousy hockey is on its own? Having to watch that lousy hockey while knowing — having incontrovertible proof — that the very same group of players and coaches that are crapping the bed night after night are capable of being the best team in the league. So yeah, what we’re saying is that we wouldn’t mind the annual March Swoon quite so much if it wasn’t always immediately following the annual “the Devils are really, really, really awesome” non-swoon.
– You know what else is making this year’s Swoon so insufferable? Chico. We realize he’s under orders from MSG to say only glowing things about the home team (or at least, we’re assuming he is, based on how the other MSG announcers act), but still. Aren’t there ways to do that without insulting the viewers’ intelligence so grievously? When the Devils got shut out by the worst team in the league in the game after they gave up five straight goals to the Flames, and Chico announced to us that he was shocked by the outcome, we finally reached our wits’ ends. That Oilers game was many things, but shocking was not one of them. We are seriously considering watching tomorrow’s Devils/Rangers game with the sound off.
– Hey, you know what’s good, though? We didn’t get Scott Niedermayer at the trade deadline.
– You know what’s bad, though? We did get Martin Skoula. Are we sure he’s not Niclas Havelid in a Martin Skoula outfit? Or, worse yet, Phil Housley?
– We know the Devils aren’t listening to us, because they don’t listen to anything this time of year other than the siren song of their vacation homes. But if they could hear us, we would like to say just this: “Shoot the fucking puck, you sad fucking fucks.” The are killing us with this refusal to shoot. If this was what they were planning to become, Lou should have just kept Gomez and Gionta. (Yeah, ouch.)
– But on the bright side, we hear that Lemaire is bringing back the Showdown at the Triple Z Ranch line! That’ll be fun for the one or two shifts they stay together.
– There is something that brings us constant joy during Devils games lately, though. It’s that Just For Men Touch of Gray commercial where the dude gets age discriminated against and sexually harassed during his job interview. Who wouldn’t want to work at that company? If only Just For Men Touch of Gray worked for women, we’d be applying there right this minute.
– We were out to lunch yesterday, so we want to wish Mags a super-happy day after her birthday today. Gefeliciteerd met je verjaardaag, Mags! (Only add some Dutch in there to make it say “day after your birthday” instead of just plain “birthday”.)
– Also, let’s all promise to be best friends forever, m’kay? Good luck in college, everyone!
Woah woah woah…this isn’t Jack Handy!
That’s what happens when you mix the Devils in. It just stops being Jack Handy. :P
We realize he’s under orders from MSG to say only glowing things about the home team
I hate when broadcasters think that they have to be Mr. Michael Sunshine all the time. My world isn’t going to shatter if you point out that the game isn’t going well and why. I think the why is the most important part, IMO.
And on an unrelated note, did you ever think you would see a day where both Zach and Crunchy appear on the Vanity Fair website? Hockey players not named Crosby or Ovechkin getting attention from the MSM? Be still my heart.
I hate when broadcasters think that they have to be Mr. Michael Sunshine all the time.
I think it’s less the broadcasters and more the networks getting orders from the team owners who don’t want people thinking their product is bad, but still, we have eyes, we know when the team isn’t playing well!
Good morning, everyone!
ya know, i thought my life hit a march swoon with the Devils losing, my father’s house burned down, my car’s radiator sprung a leak plus the radiator fan broke, but now Corey Haim has to go and OD. I just dont know how much more i can take.
which one of you ladies is doing this?
http://www.pressofatlanticcity.com/news/breaking/article_587d7e2e-2bd5-11df-8a4e-001cc4c002e0.html
KenF, what an awful month for you! I’m so sorry!
As for the knitting, I’ve heard of knitting tree cozies before, but I love that these people are mysteriously knitting in the dead of night!
Latest Dave Update:
Bad news first:
They passed on David for the job in McKinney.
Good news:
His Bell’s Palsy is much better and not noticeable unless you really look for it.
His mom is improving slowly. I was worried about some possible complications but she seems to be doing alright.
Thanks for all your prayers and words of encouragement. I guess we are back at square one now.
I’ll be signing all your yearbooks in black on the local Funeral Home advertisement, “Life sucks and then you die.”
But until then, BFFL,
XOXOXOX Myra
I’m so sorry Dave didn’t get that job! But I’m so glad to hear everyone’s heath issues are looking up.
I’m sure they’ll regret passing Dave over for the job as he is undoubtably more competent than whoever they’re hiring.
That’s great news about the medical issues though!
KenF, sorry you’ve had such a cruddy month.
Myra, :::hugs:::. While the job hunt may have had a temporary setback, the uptick in everyone’s health is great news.
Thanks guys, health is definitely more important than jobs.
Aw, booooo! That blows that the company passed on Dave. They will definitely regret it. But that’s very good to hear that everyone’s getting healthy.
And KenF, man, what a month! I am SO sorry!
I’m listening to Bob and Dan on the Ticket today and they’re traveling with the Stars, so naturally they’re in Buffalo. When they were in Washington their producer did his 1920s Reporter Guy bit with Ovechkin and the PR guy freaked out. It was totally innocuous but the guy got so mad that he not only ran them out of their room, he also warned the Sabres and now the Sabres won’t even give them press credentials. Bob was going to do the intermission shows with Ralph and Razor and can’t.
It’s a huge overreaction by the Caps guy and the Sabres are only hearing their side of it. Kind of soap opera-y. Ralph said they should set up a satellite feed in the parking lot for them tonight and Dan stopped his screeching about injustices long enough to say, you know, that might be funny.
And that’s my story.
Myra, I’m so glad Dave’s and his mom’s health are improving! But not so glad they passed on him. Meg’s right, though, that company is totally going to regret it.
And gosh, KenF, that’s terrible about your dad’s house!
Myra, glad Dave is doing better. and try not to sweat the work thing, just keep looking and something will come up.
and thanks about the house. no one was hurt, so that was good. but he lost everything except what he was wearing and his wallet. he/we lived in that house since the early 70s, so theres a lot of memories gone – but that can also be a good thing. so now its insurance paperwork and phone calls and trying to figure out whats next.
ya know, i’ve gone through these types of months a bunch of times, some have been worse, and its all about perspective. and finding people to help you laugh at it all.
of course, watching the devils beat the rangers will make things a little better.
so theres a lot of memories gone – but that can also be a good thing.
That’s so sad.
But, you know, memories are in your mind, so you can still keep those. :D
It’s great that nobody was hurt!
Thanks Ken, I’m so sorry about your dad’s house. It is the emotional loss that is the hardest part.
And it looks like the Stars are working to get B&D back in at Buffalo. I loved your suggestion, Patty. I think Ryan Miller should go all prima donna and say something to the effect of “What?! Where’s Scoops? You mean I’m not big enough for Scoops?!”
I think Ryan Miller should go all prima donna and say something to the effect of “What?! Where’s Scoops? You mean I’m not big enough for Scoops?!”
Exactly! Crunchy would love to be on that list with Gretzky and Jordan and Brady…
Just in case it didn’t sound like it, that whole point of the story about the Sabres was really that the Caps are big babies. Not that the Sabres are doing anything wrong.
It’s weird hearing them talk about Buffalo. I feel like I know everybody there.
Oh, and they talked about visiting Niagra Falls and I’ve been there! That was weird.
Just in case it didn’t sound like it, that whole point of the story about the Sabres was really that the Caps are big babies. Not that the Sabres are doing anything wrong.
It’s all good. I got your meaning. :)
The weather is completely amazing up here, so if those guys did do the show in the parking lot, it wouldn’t be all that uncomfortable.
Sorry, for the absence, but I hope everyone’s doing well/better. Myra, I’m sorry about the job, but I’m glad Dave’s doing better. Too bad I have to kick his ass in fantasy hockey this week :) (by “kick his ass” I of course mean “hope my team remembers how to play hockey”)