The arborist visited stately IPB Manor today, to assess the lightning damage.
You can see in the middle of the top of the tree there where the lightning struck; a big part of it is looking very dead, and a chunk of that dead part has fallen over, dangling precariously high above our yard.
There was some faint hope that maybe just that portion of the tree could be trimmed off, and the rest could soldier on, but alas. Look at the base of the trunk:
That hole there? That’s where the lightning exited the tree. So… the whole thing, which was not entirely structurally sound to begin with, is coming down. Either Friday or Saturday. After delivering the bad news, the arborist further made our days by suggesting that the daffodils and crocuses around the base of the tree, the flowers that are annually our only source of joy while the Devils are in their swoon, likely got vaporized by the lightning too. Fucking Nature.
With the departure of the black locust, which might very well be the tallest tree in our neighborhood, we turn our affections to the Cox’s Orange Pippin apple tree as our new favorite tree.
It’s hardly majestic, but something it does have going for it is that it’s highly unlikely to be struck by lightning any time soon. Pookie is hopeful that it’s going to turn out that the black locust was housing bad Devils spirits, and, like the tree in “Sleepy Hollow”, a rampaging Jamie Langenbrunner used to rise up out from underneath the tree on his hellbeast black steed and wreak havoc on our playoff dreams every year. Our itsy-bitsy apple tree is way too small for him to do that with. And if he did manage to figure out how to do that, he’d just get tangled up in the deer fencing. So maybe this is a good thing?
I absolutely love the trees at my dad’s house because they’re part of the home, so I completely understand how you feel. But, the hole where the lightening came out is insane. That’s how I wanna go when I’m 112 years old and scraggly.
By the way, the first 80 times I saw the picture of Bambi in the last post, I thought you guys were referring to the blurry deer running away. I just finally saw the baby deer in complete focus.
Also by the way, guess what they’re playing again tonight… Another How I Met Your Mother repeat. So it works for basketball too?
That’s how I wanna go when I’m 112 years old and scraggly.
In a big explosion of leaves and bark? Sounds good to me!
Yeah, that picture of Bambi wasn’t great, but they ran off before we could get the best lens for that situation. That little guy is so freakin’ cute. We just got the township deer management survey this week, too. I’m like, “Well played, deer, bringing out the big guns to get us all thinking the deer shouldn’t be managed!”
That’s how I wanna go when I’m 112 years old and scraggly.
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: I like the idea of going that quickly, but the whole “exploding” part would be pretty gruesome. I’d feel so bad for the person who has to clean me up.
And the Bambi picture was totally like a Magic Eye. You weren’t meant to see the baby deer. :P
That’s great to know that How I Met Your Mother repeats work for all sports championships!
We just got the township deer management survey this week, too. I’m like, “Well played, deer, bringing out the big guns to get us all thinking the deer shouldn’t be managed!”
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: The little babies are so cute, with the spots, and the way they skip around and play and are so sassy and darling. I think that the township should introduce more predators, but only predators that prey on the not-cute adults. Heh.
“Well played, deer, bringing out the big guns to get us all thinking the deer shouldn’t be managed!”
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: The Sabres probably gave Lindy Ruff and Darcy Regier baby-deer-colored glasses. (funny story… I had to look up “GM of Sabres” because I forgot Darcy’s name. Yeah. It’s only June. Just wait til August. I’ll be googling “Sabres Manwhore” and “Sabres Sarcastic Hipster Goalie” just to make witty jokes.)
I like the idea of going that quickly, but the whole “exploding” part would be pretty gruesome.
Well I’m made of tinsel and Jolly Rangers, so I’d be like a pinata!
It’s only June. Just wait til August.
Wow, you’re really embracing the off-season aren’t you? Nice!
I’ll be googling “Sabres Manwhore” and “Sabres Sarcastic Hipster Goalie” just to make witty jokes.
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: No one ever said the off-season was easy.
Well I’m made of tinsel and Jolly Rangers, so I’d be like a pinata!
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Isn’t everyone made of tinsel and Jolly Ranchers? Have you ever tried to get tinsel out of carpeting? And exploded tinsel is essentially just glitter, and once that shit’s on the floor and walls, it’s never coming off. No, tinsel’s even worse than guts and gore. :P
The Lakers are gross.
Yeah, guts and gore at least dry up so you can scrape it off. Glitter and tinsel are the Devil’s work. My brother always picks out the cards with the most glitter and sparkles just so my floor looks like a damn disco. He’s like the non-Sabres equivalent of… *googles “Sabres bedazzler white suits”* … of Derek Roy.
He’s like the non-Sabres equivalent of… *googles “Sabres bedazzler white suits”* … of Derek Roy.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: We always get glittery advent calendars, so we spend all of December picking glitter off our quilting, our clothing, our food…
our food…
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: which leads to glitter in another area which is a whole different problem…
I’m sorry about the tree. That hole at the bottow is crazy!
Do you think you’ll plant a new tree there once this one comes down?
If you want, I can bring/send you new daffodils/tulips/whatever other bulbs your hearts desire…
Good morning, everyone!
And I’m sad to report that the tree guys were already setting up when I left the house this morning. :(
Isn’t that lightning hole the wackiest thing ever? I guess, even though this whole situation sucks, it’s been a kind of cool learning experience. I mean, I’m still marveling that the tree exploded in the first place. (Apparently there was one on the campus in Princeton this past weekend that completely exploded. Like, the tree guy reported there was literally nothing for them to remove.) (Also, he said that he often has only the lightning hole at the bottom of the tree and the trail of scorched vegetation around it to clue him in that a tree’s been struck. Lightning — that shit is crazy.)
We’re not sure yet what we’re going to do with the spot. It’s very close to our garden, so we’re concerned that if we put in a big tree, it might not end up as slender as this one was, and would shade the garden too much. There was some talk of an herb wheel, but we might just put in more fruit trees in the vicinity and leave the Black Locust Memorial Patch empty.
Mags, that’s so sweet! We’ve got a pretty good source for bulbs, and we have to be careful about what we pick, because for the most part, that stuff is like candy for deer. :D
I can’t believe there’s a hole in the base of the tree from the lightning. That’s insane.
The only time I’ve seen a lightning strike up close occurred when my neighbor’s house was struck where the electric line entered her house. The house was a mess, but everyone got out ok.
It’s very close to our garden, so we’re concerned that if we put in a big tree, it might not end up as slender as this one was, and would shade the garden too much.
That would be a problem. You’d have to be careful about what kind of tree you planted. More fruit trees sound lovely though.
my neighbor’s house was struck where the electric line entered her house.
That’s just terrifying. I keep whining about the tree situation here, but considering it’s about 15 feet from the house and we suffered zero damage beyond the tree itself, I suppose we should consider ourselves lucky.
In far, far happier news, I finally downloaded Firefox here at work. I was engaging in my current favorite worktime activity of grousing about the stupid obsolete version of IE we still use, and she was like, “Oh, the IT people told me to use Firefox AGES ago.” Or something like that. I couldn’t quite make out what she was saying over the chorus of angels.
I couldn’t quite make out what she was saying over the chorus of angels.
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Congrats on your work-Firefox!
I’m so sorry about your tree! I was sure it was going to be okay, but I guess the poor thing’s internal injuries were more serious than they appeared. (That hole at the bottom is scary.)
First the tree, and then Rue McCalahan died this week. It’s been a tough week all around. RIP big tree. You will be missed. I hope you and the Golden Girls sit underneath you up in Heaven.
I can’t believe there’s a hole in the base of the tree from the lightning. That’s insane.
Ditto. Wow. So sorry poor tree. It is a wonder that it didn’t catch on fire?
Thanks, guys. Carol, I think providing shade for the Golden Girls in heaven is the best thing a tree can aspire to. I hope that’s where the black locust went. And Myra, it really does seem crazy that it didn’t catch fire, doesn’t it? I guess I should be glad it’s been so humid here, so the tree wasn’t at all dried out.
My last tree story here is that I left work at noon (yay Summer Fridays!), went to the farm, then headed over to the grocery store to pick up the fixin’s for a jalapeno-apricot-pecan baked brie that Patty inspired me to try this weekend. And I’m sitting there at the stoplight in town, listening to some melancholy music, and you know what drives through the intersection ahead of me? The arborist’s truck. FILLED WITH MY TREE. Couldn’t they have taken away the body without me having to see it all cut up like that? :(
Anyway, you guys, the Firefox at work is a REVELATION. This past week I was psyched to go to work after the weekend because of my iPig speakers (LINK — everyone needs to get an iPig. Seriously. If you don’t have one, your life is a desolate wasteland of meaninglessness :P), and next week I’m going to be psyched because of Firefox. I can read everyone’s blogs again! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Couldn’t they have taken away the body without me having to see it all cut up like that?
I apologise! That’s really terribly sad. Poor Golden Girls tree.
As for the iPig…
…
…
*grabbyhands* MAGGIE WANTS!
I apologise!
Heh. Thank you. Because I was totally going to blame you. :P
And seriously, EVERYBODY NEEDS AN iPIG! It is the greatest thing EVER.
Because I was totally going to blame you.
It’d be par for the course this week -_-”’
I have just googled to see whether the iPig is available anywhere here. And it is! I’m totally going to see if I can pick on up tomorrow :D
It’d be par for the course this week
Man, that sucks. And IPB is supposed to be a happy place, where you can get away from all that. But nooooooo — here I am blaming you. Sorry. :D
YAY for your iPig! I love that it comes in so many colors. I’m afraid the picture I took at work doesn’t nearly do justice to the pink. It’s WILDLY pink. Now Pookie’s thinking about getting a yellow one for her room. I might need one for home, too. Possibly in white. We’ll have a whole stable of iPigs! What I really need is an iPig on every surface. Not just one in each room… :P
Wow, Schnookie! If I had seen a scene like that in a movie, I’d have violently rolled my eyes. But I guess it can happen! That’s awful!
If I had seen a scene like that in a movie, I’d have violently rolled my eyes.
Heh. Yeah, it was pretty much the most maudlin thing that’s ever happened to me. :P
IPB is supposed to be a happy place
Right! Happy! I made mango, mascarpone and digestive tart, because I wasn’t convinced my GIANT caramel fudge cheesecake was going to be enough to feed 2 hockey teams on Sunday. And then I ate the rest of the mango. Which was rather excellent, to be honest.
What I really need is an iPig on every surface. Not just one in each room… :P
Hee! Well, I’d still end up with only one in that scenario. I don’t think I have space for more :P
Okay, Mags, I’m coming to your house for dessert tonight. Yummmmmmmmm… (A mango would be tasty right now. Although I’m not complaining about the [slightly overcooked] chocolate chip cookie I’ve got instead. :D)
Well, I’d still end up with only one in that scenario. I don’t think I have space for more :P
That’s so sad. I’ll have to get extras, to make up for it. I can’t wait to have an iPig army!
What did you get from the farm, Schnookie?
I love the farm report.
I’m sure you’ve seen this, but here’s my new favourite hockey sideline reporter, Charles Clinton –
http://deadspin.com/5555587/introducing-charles-clinton-the-worst-sideline-reporter-ever
Back to you, guys.
Charles Clinton > Pierre McGuire
Back to you, guys!
I want an iPig. Woot!
Carol, that sideline guy is awesome! And I gotta say, he’s a billion times less awkward and squirm-inducing than Pierre. :D
Why Myra, I’m glad you asked about the farm! We got two heads of bok choy (I’ll probably make stir-fry this week), two bunches of kale (already eaten with lunch — sauteed in olive oil with some chopped garlic scapes), four heads of lettuce, a pound of spinach, and two pounds of swiss chard. I left behind the 1/2 pound of arugula. We’ve had quite a bit of that lately. We also had the option to try to squeeze a quart of strawberries and a quart of snow and snap peas out of the pick-your-own fields, but it’s a billion degrees and really humid and the crops are both nearly down to just gleaning, so we didn’t bother. And that’s my story! (We harvested our garlic scapes from the garden last night, and had the first of our peas. DEE-lish!)
A mango would be tasty right now.
The mango was sort of nuts. The level of omgtastyness was almost impossibly high.
But I wouldn’t say no to a chocolate chip cookie, of any kind.
I love the farm report.
Oooh, I do too! Sorry, I was very selfishly focussing on what I’d done today, as opposed to actually reading what other people had done.
Charles Clinton > Pierre McGuire
While I’ll give that a hearty “YAY!”, that’s not a move that’s going to get a high difficulty score from the judges, is it?
bok choy (I’ll probably make stir-fry this week)
Mmmm, bok choy. I love bok choy. We used to get the teeny tiny ones when we lived in Hong Kong. Lots of weeny bok choy in with the rice and God-knows-what-that-meat-was-supposed-to-be. They’re probably my favourite vegetable :D
Sorry, I was very selfishly focussing on what I’d done today, as opposed to actually reading what other people had done.
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: That’s how I like to play it, yo. :D (I had to type up some questionnaire/worksheet things for a presentation some of my coworkers are giving on that stupid-assed Steven Covey, Jr. “Speed Of Trust” crap next week. They were these self-assessment tools to determine how much people can trust you, and where you need to improve your trustworthiness, or something. Anyway, the deal was that you had to rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 5 between two statements, all of which boiled down to being “I am an asshole” at the 1 end, and “I am just like Steven Covey, Jr.” on the other end. One of the questions had as the two extremes “Pretend Listen” and “Listen”. I have enough Self Trust to proudly declare that I am ALWAYS only pretend listening. :P)
And how’s the experimental veggie adventure going at Chez Myra? Get anything cool lately from the farmer’s market?
I can’t wait to have an iPig army!
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
It can be like that Chinese terracotta army!
Charles Clinton > Pierre McGuire
While I’ll give that a hearty “YAY!”, that’s not a move that’s going to get a high difficulty score from the judges, is it?
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
The teeny-weeny bok choys are THE BEST! Dude, I love that shit. Our farm does big bok choy at the start of the season, and then the adorable itty-bitty ones in the fall. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm…
It can be like that Chinese terracotta army!
OH MY GOD, TOTES!!!!! Only with flashing, light-up smiles and volume control sensors that work by stroking their ears. My iPig army is going to kick those terracotta warriors’ asses.
I have enough Self Trust to proudly declare that I am ALWAYS only pretend listening.
Good for you! A round of applause for Schnookie, for her honesty about honestly not listening to you!
I’m suddenly incredibly reminded of Captain Jack. “You can always trust a dishonest man to be dishonest. Honestly, it’s the honest ones you want to watch out for.”
Only with flashing, light-up smiles and volume control sensors that work by stroking their ears.
YOU’RE JOKING! *lip wobbles* They’re… beautiful.
A round of applause for Schnookie, for her honesty about honestly not listening to you!
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Thank you! Thank you! I have no idea what’s going on here, because all I heard was “blah blah blah Schnookie blah blah blah”, but there’s applause, so I’m assuming it’s good.
YOU’RE JOKING! *lip wobbles* They’re… beautiful.
I KNOW!
I!
KNOW!
I wouldn’t be so enthusiastically promoting the iPig if it was just a cute iPod player. No, it’s a cute iPod player that has a light-up smile that blinks when you adjust the controls, and you control the volume by stroking the ears. Not hitting volume buttons on the ears. Touching the flat surface of the ear. The left ear turns the volume down, the right one turns the volume up. IT’S AMAZING. :D
Yuuumm-Yum! to your farm report.
My veggie experiment hasn’t gotten very far. It would require that I actually do the cooking. Hub has not gotten that adventurous in his culinary skills and I have had a sinus and ear infection for over a week and a half. I’ve been using that as my excuse to crash when I get home from work every night. Unfortunately, I finally gave up and went to the doctor for meds and am feeling better so I’ll have to come up with another excuse now or actually follow through on my grand plans. Hmmm.
Oof, I am SO sorry you’ve been sick, Myra! And I’d say I’m glad you’re feeling better, but that sucks to lose your excuse not to cook. If you ever need someone to encourage you to stay lazy on the couch, give me a shout. I am ALWAYS eager to make excuses for not cooking. :D
Awww, boo on being sick, Myra. And you still talked me off a ledge this week! Wow. I’m impressed.
If you ever need someone to encourage you to stay lazy on the couch, give me a shout.
And if you need encouragement to the contrary, erm, don’t look at me. I’ll grab hold of any excuse to cook, but I’m not very good at motivating other people to do it. They just veg off me, heh :D
Anyway, the deal was that you had to rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 5 between two statements, all of which boiled down to being “I am an asshole” at the 1 end, and “I am just like Steven Covey, Jr.” on the other end.
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
They should skip the crap and just let you administer the test. And phrase it exactly like that.
They should skip the crap and just let you administer the test. And phrase it exactly like that.
Heh. I’ve been on a bit of a rant about this for the last few days, actually. I’m thinking of writing a corporate-seminar style of self-help book called “Don’t Be An Asshole”. It’ll be the “He’s Just Not That Into You” of that genre. Cynical management types the world over, the ones who think all the vocabulary of that oeuvre is stupid, will be all over my straight-talk approach to coaching people how to work productively together. I’m going to be RICH!
My sister and I are going out to dinner just the two of us, tonight. (So one more night of not cooking. Yes. ) Today would have been my mom’s 86th Birthday, so we are having a “Girls’ Night Out” in her honor.
And Mags, don’t be too impressed. I have a middle school daughter, I’m well practiced in talking people off of ledges right now. :)
Aw, Myra, that sounds like a super-fun way to remember your mom today. I hope you guys have a fantastic and tasty time! Where are you going?
My job just took a turn for the awesome.
I’m to look into supporting the drive to bring back the Whalers. Failing that, I have to look into supporting roller league tournaments and stuff. Hopefully they’ll give me a real job and I can go to the Whalers Hockey Fest in Hartford for free in February.
The iPig’s eyes are stealing my soul. I must have one.
We haven’t decided but we are thinking Chinese. Which would appropo because Mom loved Chinese.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This season of BN has BUNNY!!!!!!
(I’m just in the first 30 seconds, so no one tell me if it turns out he’s blown up in 20 minutes.)
Dude. Tim’s job is AWESOME.
They were these self-assessment tools to determine how much people can trust you, and where you need to improve your trustworthiness, or something.
That’s like when you fill out your annual review and you have to rate yourself on how ethically you behave. Either you really are ethical or you’re actually a sleazy liar in which case you’re certainly going to claim to be ethical.
Tim, your job IS awesome! Totally worth wearing sock suspenders for!
Either you really are ethical or you’re actually a sleazy liar in which case you’re certainly going to claim to be ethical.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: That certainly is a useless self-assessment tool.
Myra, girls night out with Chinese food? Sign me up!
I WANT Tim’s job. WANT IT. But not as much as I want an iPig. Sorry, Tim’s job. It’s the ears that did it for me.
Mmmm, Chinese food. I should go get some of that, tomorrow. After I get that iPig.
That’s like when you fill out your annual review and you have to rate yourself on how ethically you behave. Either you really are ethical or you’re actually a sleazy liar in which case you’re certainly going to claim to be ethical.
I refuse to fill those out and claim their view of ethics is a Western creation and clashes with my cultural beliefs.
I’ll be honest, I came up with the Whalers idea (figured it was a good way to win over Connecticuters and hockey fans, but it’ll never happen so it’s emotional and never-ending) so that I can look at hockey things at work guilt-free.
Ok. Tim is a GENIUS!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!
NPR did a bit on the resurgence of the Blackhawks & ended with a pack of teenage girls waiting in the parking lot post-practice for “Patrick Kane! Squee! Giggle!” The interview concluded thusly:
NPR: “So how exciting is all this?”
Girls: “REALLY exciting. It feels like we’re like– EEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
(NPR then informs us that the girls are now chasing Toews down the street.)
(This is what you have to look forward to, Myra. Although the Kid does sound unusually sensible.)
Oh wait, NPR already transcribed it:
SCHAPER: Sixteen-year-olds Bridgette and Shannon Sullivan and Samantha Delberto are part of a group of fans waiting outside the Blackhawks team parking lot at the United Center, waiting for the players to drive out after practice.
Unidentified Female #1: Because we want to see…
Unidentified Female #2: Patrick Kane.
(Soundbite of laughter)
SCHAPER: All of you just want to see Patrick Kane?
Unidentified Woman #1: Yes.
Unidentified Woman #2: And Versteeg and Toews
Unidentified Woman #1: Sharp. And Sharp.
Unidentified Woman #3: Patrick Sharp.
SCHAPER: Well, how exciting is it that there is…
Unidentified Woman #1: Really exciting. It feels like we’re like…
(Soundbite of screaming)
SCHAPER: And with that, the three teenage girls are off and running down the street chasing a black SUV driven by one of their heartthrobs, team captain Jonathan Toews. Hockey is definitely back in Chicago.
David Schaper, NPR News, Chicago.
I think I got the gist, anyway.
the girls are now chasing Toews down the street.
Toews? TOEWS? SHARP, girls, SHARP is where it’s at! Then again, feel free to keep ignoring him. More for me :D
Unidentified Woman #1: Sharp. And Sharp.
Unidentified Woman #3: Patrick Sharp.
Oh just kill me now.
And just now, on twitter, I was accused of taking myself too seriously as a sports fan, and not appreciating the eye candy. 45 minutes after someone told me my appreciation of the eye candy set the woman’s movement back 50 years.
WHAT DO YOU FUCKERS WANT?!
We want you to be eye candy while we take the sports too seriously.
Nah. I don’t think we’ll be getting much squeeing from the Kid over hockey players. She has been meeting Stars players for years now, it’s old hat to her. Once you have been hugged by Brad Richards, it’s all downhill from there. (Unfortunately, he doesn’t hug grown women much, so I still have plenty of squee left in me.)
And Mags, you can’t win that one. You are going to catch it either way.
We want you to be eye candy while we take the sports too seriously.
Uuuu. Like I said. Tim is a GENIUS.
I WANT TO HUG A HOCKEY PLAYER! I WANT TO HUG ONE UNTIL HIS EYES POP OUT!
I was thinking about trying to get a Devil involved in a youth program with the company or something, but CT isn’t really their area. I think this is technically Rangers territory, and that’s a big frowny face, though Drury’s from here and I do want to pick up their new Norwegian Hobbit Wizard.
We want you to be eye candy while we take the sports too seriously.
That’s really how it is, isn’t it?
Okay, I can understand Toews from a teen POV. He’s cute in that totally non-threatening way and he certainly is strapping. And he’s the effing Captain. But Kane? KANE?? Teenage girls are bursting their blood vessels squeeing over PATRICK KANE?? This is what is wrong with the youth of America. That and that damn vampire franchise.
Once you have been hugged by Brad Richards, it’s all downhill from there.
Poor Kid. Her hockey fan experience peaked really early ;)
Hrm. Are the interns writing the dialogue for Burn Notice this season?
This one biker looks like a less-clean Scott Hartnell.
My dad’s iDog kicks the iPig’s ass. LINK
I just watched an episode of True Life: I Have Small Breasts (on MTV). This adorable 18 year old girl wants bigger boobs so she can be a Charger cheerleader, but she doesn’t want surgery. Who does want her to get surgery? HER MOM!!! Her mom also happens to come off as the trashiest “human” being ever. When the young lady says she can’t even pay for the surgery her mom… wait for it… suggests she go on one of those websites where random guys give you money and ALL you have to do in return is send them pictures of yourself after your surgery. IN COSTUMES!! Of course the young girl has absolutely no desire to do this.
Cut to the next scene where the mom calls the daughter over to a friend’s house so they can set up an account on the get-money-for-boobs-from-skeevy-pervs website… again, wait for it… FOR THE MOM. This poor 18 year old is forced to look at pictures of her mom posing in kinky positions in lingerie in the hopes of attracting some dudes attention so the mom can get a boob job. Now why are eating disorders and low self esteem such a huge factor now a days??? I don’t get it.
The happy ending is the girl doesn’t get a boob job, she starts meditation to combat poor body image and just got a scholarship to a performing arts school. Society: 1 Ghetto Mom: 0.
My dad’s iDog kicks the iPig’s ass.
::stony glare:: That’s cute, no question, but NOTHING kicks the iPig’s ass. NOTHING!!! DO YOU HEAR ME? OR ARE YOU JUST PRETEND LISTENING?
And I can’t BELIEVE they put that show about my life on TV! I wasn’t expecting it to air yet. (Yeesh. The shit people will do to get on television these days. ::shakes head::)
Teenage girls are bursting their blood vessels squeeing over PATRICK KANE??
And not just teenage girls. The Daily Beast article says that us grown up ladies should be squeeing over the attractive Kane.
That’s cute, no question, but NOTHING kicks the iPig’s ass. NOTHING!!! DO YOU HEAR ME? OR ARE YOU JUST PRETEND LISTENING?
What was that? I was pretending to pretend listen.
And I can’t BELIEVE they put that show about my life on TV!
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: As soon as she said she wanted to be a Charger girl, I cracked up and was like “I hear ya sister!! I’m sick of being the flattest ice girl!” but then they showed her mom, and I was in awe. Then the girl went on to quote Machiavelli. I wrote a paper once on how Oliver Twist was completely unrealistic because there isn’t a moral gene that he would have inherited from the mother he never met. The way he was raised would have made him a lying thief. This girl, however, completely makes me change my theory. If she can rise from the muck, so could Twist.
I was pretending to pretend listen.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
The Daily Beast article says that us grown up ladies should be squeeing over the attractive Kane.
This makes my head hurt, just thinking about anyone thinking Pete Kane is attractive. Or makes me throw up on the ground. And I think I would know what is and isn’t attractive — I mean, look at Getzi!
I am NOT happy that the spelling bee is on during a hockey game. WHO SCHEDULED THIS????
The first speller looks like if Crunchy was a 13-year-old Indian kid.
This makes my head hurt, just thinking about anyone thinking Pete Kane is attractive. Or makes me throw up on the ground.
Kane was listed in the same breath as Toews, Parise and Cammallieri. One of these things is definitely not like the others. Your mileage may vary, of course.
Your mileage may vary, of course.
Yeah, what, no Looch?!
True Life: I Have Small Breasts
Wait, this is the real name of the show? For realsies?!??
But yay for happy endings!
(wait, I think that came out wrong)
Getzi is a dreamboat compared to Kane. There, I said it.
Getzi is a dreamboat compared to Kane. There, I said it.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Well, he’s a dreamboat compared to everyone, but he appreciates the point. :P
Oooooh, speaking of foxy, that goal by Beaks was HAWT.
I think it was “I Hate My Small Breasts” but I don’t remember exactly. and :^::::::::::::::::::::::::: to Happy Endings.
The first speller looks like if Crunchy was a 13-year-old Indian kid.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: The person checking me out at Wegmans looked like if Crunchy was a 112-year-old Hispanic woman.
I do not find Patrick Kane attractive at all, but then again, I don’t find Josh Gorges particularly attractive and I’d still do him because I think penalty killing is hawt.
Yeah, what, no Looch?!
Throw Looch in the mix. Every boy band needs the terrifying looking one.
True Life: I Have Small Breasts
It cannot possibly top the True Life Episode that focused on the dude getting calf implants.
It cannot possibly top the True Life Episode that focused on the dude getting calf implants.
…
I am NOT happy that the spelling bee is on during a hockey game. WHO SCHEDULED THIS????
Seriously. Talk about overlapping demographics.
I canNOT believe Stan Fischler is on twitter. I figured Stan still thought computers were the size of a walk-in closet.
It cannot possibly top the True Life Episode that focused on the dude getting calf implants.
He’s from Elmira! I remember watching that episode and recognizing the bar they were in.
Talk about overlapping demographics.
That made me choke/laugh and spray water on my laptop.
Every boy band needs the terrifying looking one.
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
As for Pete Kane, I’m proud to say that I found him repulsively squicky long before he was publicly affirmed as squicky. He’s a kind of squicky that FAR outweighs whatever hockey talent he brings to the table. No amount of hawt play could make me want to take him behind a barn.
Hee, Flyers. SEVEN GAMES!!!!!
In honor of JVR’s replacement of Carcillo in the lineup (thank goodness) I have a quarter pound of the most delightful aged Gouda. It’s not wrong to eat the whole thing tonight, is it?
Kathleen, if you don’t eat that whole gouda, the Rangers (the hockey equivalent of terrorists) win.
As for that last goal, I think leaving Giroux all alone right by the net is a great plan!
I think trading Giroux for Jamie Langenbrunner is an even greater plan.
As for that last goal, I think leaving Giroux all alone right by the net is a great plan!
Heh. Poor Niemi. He had that “this is going to be SUCH a shitty night” look.
Kathleen, if you don’t eat that whole gouda, the Rangers (the hockey equivalent of terrorists) win.
Then I’m going to eat this whole thing just to spite Chris Drury.
On that Giroux goal, I kind of looked up right as he swung around and shot it at the open net. I thought Niemi was flailing or something, but what he was doing was taking his man! IfyouknowwhatImean.
Whoever had Giroux as their man is the goat. Edzo says it was Kane. SQUEEEEE! Oh. Wait. I need the opposite of that.
Whoever had Giroux as their man is the goat. Edzo says it was Kane. SQUEEEEE! Oh. Wait. I need the opposite of that.
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
In the spirit of solidarity with you Kathleen, and eating an entire block of cheese, I’m chowing down on cookie pudding right now. It’s TOTALLY staving off the Rangers.
SQUEEEEE! Oh. Wait. I need the opposite of that.
I think it’s the sound of my ovaries committing suicide.
I think it’s the sound of my ovaries committing suicide.
:^:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
The more I see of Patrick Sharp, the more baffled I am by the youth of America (or Chicago, anyway.)
Yo, does anyone want to go back in time 2 weeks and make me these? http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=127349094
The more I see of Patrick Sharp, the more baffled I am by the youth of America (or Chicago, anyway.)
MY GOD, I KNOW!!!! It makes no sense to me AT ALL how even Toews can be in the conversation, let alone Kane, when they have Patrick Sharp on the team. I mean, he is COMICALLY HANDSOME. He blocks out the sun with his handsomeness. Kids these days are WORTHLESS IDIOTS.
The more I see of Patrick Sharp, the more baffled I am by the youth of America (or Chicago, anyway.)
I KNOW! He’s the dictionary definition of hawt. (I looked it up!)
Even his playoff beard can’t obscure it.
Maybe the problem is he’s too handsome for the kiddies. It makes them nervous.
He’s the dictionary definition of hawt. (I looked it up!)
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: The OED had been struggling to define “hawt” until they saw a picture of him.
Maybe the problem is he’s too handsome for the kiddies. It makes them nervous.
That could be. He’s not the harmless boy-band kind of look they’re used to. Like, he appears to have reached puberty, and that’s very off-putting for the tween set, isn’t it?
I think the playoff beard actually amplifies the hawtness.
Like, he appears to have reached puberty, and that’s very off-putting for the tween set, isn’t it?
That is true. They tend to avoid any display of secondary sexual characteristics.
Holy smokes, this is tastiest smelling IPA I’ve ever had.
Wait, why are we interviewing this old dude that the Ducks didn’t even want anymore? This is bullhonky, Versus.
That is true. They tend to avoid any display of secondary sexual characteristics.
You’re so right! I mean, look at that Bieber kid. He’s basically a girl!
Kathleen, I laughed at the reporter basically saying, How can you tell them anything, what with your not even being able to crack the lineup until now.
That Bieber kid makes no sense to me AT ALL. Every time I see a picture of him, I think, “Is this a joke?” Wait, does this make me officially Old?
Wait, does this make me officially Old?
MWA! HAHAHAHA!
Why didn’t Nieuwy hire Laviolette? He has an uptempo style! He makes them do extra bike work! GAH!
Hahahah. This little clip of the Flyers talking about Laviolette is basically everyone saying “Uh, yeah, we’re slow learners.” (With the subtext of “How the fuck did we get here?”)
This is really not Chicago’s night.
No, Chicago’s not really looking that hot tonight. They’re looking a lot more Kane than Sharp.
Dear Blackhawks,
You kind of suck tonight.
Love,
Me
They’re looking a lot more Kane than Sharp.
Speaking of – Keep it in your mouth, Kaner! God.
EEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!! The prospects are so cute!!! (In a basket of puppies way, not in a foxy way.)
Dear Blackhawks,
You can start sucking more, please.
XOXO, Pookei
(Pookei is my evil twin. She evily really loves the Flyers.)
Pookei is my evil twin. She evily really loves the Flyers.
:^::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Pookei is quite happy right now!
Hee. That game was pretty amusing. I don’t know if it was all the cheese, or all the beer, but about 3 minutes from the end the camera kept panning to Pronger on the bench making the most hilarious villain faces and I completely lost it.
I think I have Chris Pronger PLayoff Goggles. I don’t want to take him behind the barn (I mean, let’s not get crazy here), but I don’t want to kick him in the teeth either and I’m kind of amused by all the assy things he says.
Meh! A thousand times MEH! :P
My theory on Pronger is that hating him seems really passe. Like, it’s not 2007 anymore. I’ve moved on. Heh.
Eh. I want Chicago for the Cup, but I want 7 games too. WHEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!
Peter Laviolette is kind of a dick, and also, ECF ’06, but I think I have playoff goggles for him too. Or it could just be the beer.
p.s. I ate all that cheese. SUCK IT, DRURY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
p.s. I ate all that cheese.
I knew you could do it!
Peter Laviolette is kind of a dick, and also, ECF ’06, but I think I have playoff goggles for him too.
That is just WRONG.
But I’m proud of you for eating all that cheese!
I’m guessing 7 out of 10 reporters want to punch Pronger right in the face.
But I’m proud of you for eating all that cheese!
Well, I couldn’t let the terrorists win.
Kathleen is gonna have crazy dreams tonight after all that cheese.