… Of World Cups held in America. Sheesh, you weren’t thinking we were going to look at the future of the Devils were you? ::shudder:: We watched a few minutes of “Gypsy” last night and when Mama Rose got talking at the end of Act I about how it wasn’t a problem that the whole vaudeville act had fallen apart because they would just get newer, better costumes and everything would turn out great, we all couldn’t help but comment that that’s exactly what was going on with Lou this summer only instead of “newer” and “better”, he was looking for “older” and “worse” to spruce up the “new” act. Anyway, we digress. No, no, the future we’re looking forward to is a future World Cup held in the United States. It’s gonna happen at some point, and we’re gonna have to be ready — ready to attend a game in the most appropriate ass-kickingly patriotic costume we can manage. But what should that costume be? Here’s a look at some ideas we’ve come up with. Good thing we have a few more years to decide and then probably a few more to perfect the design.
Pookie: I’ll dress as a buffalo. The buffalo will, of course, be dressed as Uncle Sam but with a giant Indian headdress.
Schnookie: We need people dressed as red-white-and-blue pilgrims!
Pookie: Uncle Sam Pilgrims! That’s a GREAT idea! We can serve up red-white-and-blue succotash in the parking lot. And then serve up a can of whup-ass* on the field. (*Whup-ass contains ties.)
Schnookie: I might consider wearing a giant hot dog outfit, like the sausage racers in Milwaukee. Only I’d be a hot dog astronaut, wearing an indian headdress. And pince-nez, carrying a big stick. “Yo, bitches of the world, I’m a hot dog who’s been to space, is a fucking indian warrior, and is TEDDY FUCKING ROOSEVELT, and I’m about to colonize your sorry asses!”
Pookie: Everyone else seems to be wearing cowboy hats in their country’s colors, so I think I’ll wear stars-and-stripes versions of fezes, Napoleon hats, berets, giant furry Russian hats, etc.
Schnookie: I might dress as Babe Ruth, as an astronaut. THAT’S about as American as it gets, right? Him, or Douglas MacArthur. (And I mean Douglas MacArthur as an astronaut, of course. That’s a simple costume. You just go as a standard astronaut, and have a pearl-handled pistol.) Or better yet, Colonel Sanders! As an astronaut!
Pookie: I think I’ll go with being an Uncle Sam/Pilgrim mustang driving a Mustang in space.
Schnookie: Maybe I’d just dress as Manifest Destiny. Or better yet, I’d bring a giant mock-up of the World Cup trophy and use it as a stripper pole. I’d be Manifest Destinee.